Charm - Spring 2020

The LOVE Story

living the dream with Etaf Rum and Brandon Clarke

Love Issue

LOVE Always

How one woman’s grief and love led to a great written love story

LOVE Feast

Dorea Nunery cooks with love. get her recipe!

Spring Lovelies

STAFF & CONTRIBUTERS

Editorial Jenny White Kesha Williams Photography Calvin Adkins Jenny Braswell Advertising Kelly Ayscue Chris Taylor Bryan Wilson

EDITOR’S LETTER

WELCOME SPRING!

Some of my favorite things about spring are the pink and white flowers on cherry trees and dogwood trees. After a winter of stark twigs and limbs, these trees are reborn when spring arrives. Seemingly setting entire blocks and streets on fire with glorious blossoms, the trees seem to say, “We are alive and we are more beautiful then you remembered.”

The stories of the women featured in this issue remind me of those gorgeous blooms. Etaf, Tilda, Dorea and Lisa all went through seasons when they felt their trees were bare, and all are in full bloom again. Many of us have stories with the same theme. But thank you to these women who are generous enough to share. They offer reminders of grace and love to a world that, sometimes, seems without blooms.

Happy Spring!

JENNY WHITE

Etaf Rum, Brandon Clarke and their kids pose in Books and Beans at the Rocky Mount Mills.

Photo by Calvin Adkins

LoveActually

BY JENNY WHITE

PHOTO BY CALVIN ADKINS

Local author, mom and entrepreneur Etaf Rum said she’s living proof of that.

“I never dreamed of any of this,” she says from a table in her sundrenched coffee shop, Books and Beans located in Rocky Mount Mills. “I mean, I had dreams. But nothing as good as what has really happened -- my book, the businesses and Brandon.”

Rum is the author of the 2019 New York Times best-selling novel “A Woman is No Man.” The story follows the lives of three generations of Arab-American women as they seek to stretch the boundaries of their cultural norms. While the book offers a glimpse into a culture and world that aren’t usually visible to outsiders, the themes are universal: Hope, identity, redemption, loss and women struggling to balance what is expected of them versus what they dream about.

Rum says while the story is fiction, it is a story she knows well.

Rum grew up in a strict Palestinian family in Brooklyn, N.Y., and came to North Carolina as a new bride in an arranged marriage. Rum

achieved her master’s degree, taught college English courses and the couple had two children, Isah Hatu, and Reyann Hatu, before they divorced.

Rum said in the end, she could not be the traditional Arab-American wife her husband wanted. “I had many more freedoms than some Arab wives have, but I still felt constrained and always made to feel second-class to my ex-husband. I could not accept that,” Rum said, “Writing ‘A Woman is No Man’ was unforgivable to many, but I couldn’t tolerate NOT writing it. It was something I had to do.”

Rum said while she was hopeful the book she was writing would be a success, she didn’t imagine she’d fall in love or be able to share her dreams and visions with someone else. “I never dreamed there was a Brandon Clarke out there for me.”

While Etaf was growing up in Brooklyn, Brandon was growing up in Enfield and going to school in Rocky Mount. His family still lives nearby and he says his parents are usually helping out at one of the three local

businesses that he and Rum own: Books and Beans and Tipsy Tomato, located at the Rocky Mount Mills and Barley and Burger on Zebulon Road.

“It was always my dream since I was 16 to have my own restaurants. And when the opportunity came about, Etaf pushed me to follow my dreams. And with her love, support and vision we were able to create something special here in Rocky Mount,” Clarke said. “I don’t think I would have ever done it without Etaf beside me, encouraging me.”

Both agree their success can be credited to their individual strengths. “Brandon is the business backbone to our restaurants. I’m more like the creative director, the person who helps bring the vision to life,” Rum said.

“I have dreamed of this coffee shop for years in my head. But I didn’t believe in myself, believe I could really do it,” Rum said. “It was Brandon that pushed me to see it as something I could really do. Having someone that believes in you, someone that encourages you, really is what makes you push your dreams out of your head and take the risk to try to make them happen.”

The couple married in December – at the coffee shop. Rum said it was the perfect location, because to her and Clarke, the store is all about human relationships and connections and dreams coming true.

“If a New York native Palestinian American and a good-old-boy Southern-American can fall in love, anything is possible,” Rum said laughing. “And that’s what we want to share via our restaurants – bringing together people for a meal or a cup of coffee or a conversation. We want to nurture these places where people can share a meal and make connections.”

SOMETIMES, WHEN WE DREAM ABOUT OUR FUTURE, WHAT SEEMS LIKE A BIG PIPE-DREAM FANTASY, TURNS OUT TO ACTUALLY BE SMALLER THAN WHAT CAN BE ACCOMPLISHED.

Having someone that believes in you, someone that encourages you, really is what makes you push your dreams out of your head and take the risk to try to make them happen.

Spring Lovelies

JOHN’S BOUTIQUE

Spring has sprung inside John’s Boutique. There are tweeds and prints and necklaces – oh my! John’s Boutique offers clothing and accessories for ages teens to seniors, for casual events or special occasions.

Buyer and boutique manager Carroll Langdon said she’s glad to see spring colors and textures come in, replacing the darker colors and heavier materials of their winter inventory. “Sometimes, at this point in winter, you’re just ready to see some spring colors and clothes,” Carroll said. “And most of the pieces we’ve got you can layer and go ahead and wear now, even though we’re not permanently feeling spring temperatures.” Carroll recommends looking to add the following trends to your spring wardrobe this year:

PHOTOS BY JENNY BRASWELL

Wear a Spring Boquet

Carroll said floral prints never go out of style, especially for warmer months. “You can’t really go wrong with a classic floral print on a pretty summer dress or spring blouse,” Carroll said. “You’ll see floral prints run the spectrum this season from bold and eclectic to sweet and simple. Especially popular will be floral prints in blue – this season’s hottest color.” Carroll said one of her favorite pairings is a bold floral print with a pair of white jeans or crisp white trousers.

Carroll is wearing a dress by STS featuring three of spring’s hottest trends, the color blue, a tiered skirt and a floral print. Her jewelry is by Julie Voss, the Chalcedony Blue collection.

Tweed it up

Classic Chanel-esque tweed jackets were prominent on spring 2020 runways. Carroll said classic tweed fabric is front and center on shift dresses, tops and jackets for spring – especially in some new bold colors. “I love the pink tweeds. They’re bright, modern and are a more subtle take on the bold highlighter colors you’ll see in stores this spring.”

Go for a classic lady-like look with this navy shift dress with pink tweed accents. It’s $288, by STS. Add a pretty pink tweed jacket to your spring wardrobe and wear it with skirts or jeans. By STS, $288.

On the Wild Side

Carroll said she loves animal prints, so she’s glad to see tops and dresses for spring that feature the hold-over prints from seasons past. “For spring, you’ll see a few new twists to the classic animal prints. We’ve got pastel color prints, prints with actual animals versus just the patterns of their fur or skin and bold animal prints on feminine styles, like flowy dresses or with a ruffle sleeve or collar.”

One of Carroll’s favorite pieces is a flowy python print top in subtle pastel colors. “It’s a new, fresh take on a past style I’ve always loved, so I’m glad to see it reinvented for new spring and summer styles,” she added.

Animal print tunic/dress by Compania Fantastica, $50. The fluffy, ruffle sleeves offer a feminine touch to the bold print. A pale-blue pull-over blouse features a subtle panther print and high-neck collar. By STS, $188.

Carroll said there’s a spring style out there to suit all women. “Whether you want to be the first one to try the hottest trends like neon colors or oversized collars, or something more classically trendy like the tweed pieces or florals, there is something to please all fashion types.” Carroll said to check out what you’ve got in your closet and plan a few purchases to update what you already have. “Have fun with it,” she said.

GINGER’S BOUTIQUE Poncho Punch

Ginger Crisp has owned and operated Ginger’s Boutique in downtown Tarboro for six years. The store offers trendy clothes and accessories for women of all sizes and ages.

Ginger says she’s always happy to see spring styles coming in after a few months of winter. “We’re stocking more and more spring styles every day and it makes me ready for warmer weather and short sleeves,” Ginger said.

Ginger added that spring 2020 trends are quite varied and she’s excited to offer customers some of her favorites that include:

Ginger said this trend is a holdover from fall and winter, but with new colors and fabrics. “The ponchos work great, especially when the weather is still cool and you need an extra layer,” Ginger said. “The ponchos come in a wide variety of pastels and spring colors. Printed kimonos or ruanas are a great option that adds a pop of color to a neutral or solid outfit.” Ginger added a poncho, kimono or ruana is an easy and effortless way to update a look you already have in your closet. “They’re a good add-on style to augment your existing spring wardrobe.”

PHOTOS BY CALVIN ADKINS

Feeling Blue

For spring 2020, blue will be most wanted hue. Pantone named three shades of blue on its list of the top ten shades for spring/summer fashion. “Mosiac Blue” (imagine a bold Moroccan tile) “Faded Denim Blue” (the color of your favorite faded jeans) and “Classic Blue” were consistently spotted on the spring 2020 fashion runways. “Add a top or a bold necklace from the blue color palette to your spring wardrobe,” Ginger advised, “Or choose a pretty blue summer dress.”

MAKE A STATEMENT

Jewelry this season is bold and bright. “Statement necklaces are always a great addition to update an existing outfit in your closet,” Ginger said. “And earrings are getting larger. They are colorful and fun,” Ginger said. Look for large earrings that feature beads or feathers in unusually bright and bold colors. Ginger said a bold piece of jewelry is another way to inexpensively update your existing spring/ summer wardrobe. “It can be just the pop of color you need to finish your spring and summer look.”

Ginger said now is a great time to start adding a few spring trends to your winter wardrobe. “You could add a new blue blouse to wear under your sweater or blazer. Or a lightweight spring poncho or kimono to wear now over a long-sleeve sweater or t-shirt, and layer over a more light-weight top.”

CLAIR DE LUNE

Run by mother-daughter duo, Jerri Blanton and Amanda Blanton, Clair de Lune offers beautiful clothing for sizes 00 to 20/XS to 3X. Whether you need something to wear to cheer on your favorite team or a night out on the town, Clair de Lune offers something for every occasion. Here are a few of the top trends Jerri and Amanda say we should add to our closets for spring 2020.

TO DIE FOR

Many spring 2020 fashion styles will have you thinking you’ve stepped back into a 1970’s television show. You’ll see flower power prints, big collars and crochet and fringe making a comeback. Amanda’s favorite throwback 1970’s style you’ll see this spring is tie-dye prints. “There is a modern take on the tie-dye with pastel colors and interesting patterns that are subtle, yet fun,” Amanda said. “One of my favorite spring items we have is this light and fun lavender tie-dye dress. You can wear it out with a pair of wedges or wear it casually with our favorite pair of Dolce Vita sneakers.”

Dress by Karlie, $88, paired with Dolce Vita tennis shoes and a white crossbody bag by Hammitt, $195. Necklace by J. Mills Studio, $66.

Go Big (Sleeves) or Go Home

Boring sleeves are out, bold and statement sleeves are in. Spring styles offer a variety of sleeves that take your outfit from drab to fab. You’ll see puffy sleeves, ruffled sleeves, balloon sleeves, draped and pleated sleeves. One of Amanda’s favorite dresses is an Anna Cate hot pink shift dress with adorable puff sleeves. “I love the dramatic effect of such an interesting take on the sleeve for this simple and tailored dress,” Amanda said. “It’s understated, but dramatic at the same time.”

Tiers of Joy

From maxi skirts and dresses to mini skirts- it’s all about the tiers. “This is a look you can wear with fun sandals, a great pair of wedges or your favorite sneakers,” Jerri said. “It’s a versatile style that will add in well to your existing spring wardrobe. It definitely makes for a more feminine and flirty look as well,” she added.

Midi-length dress with tiers and shirtwaist belt by Misa, $370. Pair with a woven crossover bag, by St. Armand’s, $79.

Tiers go mini, on this skirt at Clair de Lune.

Amanda is wearing a pink shift dress by Anna Cate.

Jerri said she’s excited for customers to see the wide range of spring styles for 2020. “There really is something for everyoneof all ages and shapes and sizes,” she said. The duo believes you can take items from your existing wardrobe and mix with new investment pieces. Amanda says, “I often pull pieces out from high school all the time and mix with new clothing to freshen up my look.” Come see Amanda and Jerri to freshen up your spring wardrobe!

ZEBULON ROAD, ROCKY MOUNT

PHOTOS BY CALVIN ADKINS

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Love Your Neighbor

STORY BY KESHA WILLIAMS

PHOTO BY JENNY BRASWELL

Trishonda Roberson, executive director of the The REACH Center, says she is encouraged when she hears new jobs are coming to the Rocky Mount area.

Additional good-paying jobs would allow more local residents to earn the necessary income to support themselves, save for the future and boost healthy, thriving families.

Unfortunately, Roberson, says too many people lack that essential income and turn to The REACH Center in Rocky Mount for assistance. She recalls there were 3,354 calls in 2019 to their organization for assistance with the purchase of prescription medications, food, rent, utilities or other needs.

The REACH Center is the nonprofit arm of Word Tabernacle Church (WTC) in Rocky Mount. This separate organization, Roberson said, allows the church to meet some of residents’ most basic human needs while completing other community

- TRISHONDA ROBERSON

outreach measures. Preventing loss of a home and preventing the loss of a working adult’s mobility due a health mishap is directly related to a family’s independence.

“The REACH Center exists to equip individuals to secure gainful employment, prevent homelessness, and break the cycle of violence through education, skills development, and connections to community resources,” Roberson said.

Their staff, she said, believes in a holistic development model which focuses on critical areas of life development. These include education, employment, financial, health, housing, mental health, recreation, relationships, spirituality, transportation, addictions, legal and community service.

“The Reach Center started in 2008 with a small budget and it started out of a small office when the requests for assistance was mainly help with utility bills. Eventually, we saw a greater need to help residents with rent, medication assistance, and food for women coming out of abusive relationships. We work with social workers to get those bills paid,” Roberson said.

In the early days, Roberson said calls came primarily from the Nash County and Edgecome County area but their service perimeter has expanded to help people throughout northeast North Carolina and some southern Virginia residents.

“Some people can’t get to us as easily as local residents but our computerized system helps us to better process their requests for assistance. Some come from the Department of Social Services and some call on their own. When they call we do a quick intake, discuss documents they must have and work by appointments to meet their needs.” Roberson said.

Roberson is a native of Rocky Mount who worked for years as a local hospital nurse and a nurse at a state supported facility. After joining Word Tabernacle Church in 2006, she said she began volunteering with the church’s domestic violence program. As an experienced nurse, she knew there were unmet needs in the community. There were people who had been impacted by unhealthy relationships and unhealthy lifestyles related to poverty. The opportunity to serve them now as a full-time employee of The Reach Center is a form of ministry for Roberson.

“I’ve always lived in Rocky Mount and this is my heart. Seeing families without, seeing them struggle, seeing my own family struggle when I was growing up wasn’t easy. I wanted to be in a capacity to help people get the resources they need and to help counsel them. When I see that light bulb of hope coming on in that person’s eyes -- that is everything to me,” Roberson said.

While she describes the majority of

their callers as unemployed/low income residents, some are residents who simply lack sufficient skills to fit today’s advanced technology-driven job descriptions. Other events that might influence citizens to request assistance from The REACH Center: Companies that laid off employees; company downsizing measures; or closed businesses where employees lacked skills that are in high demand by other area employers. Roberson has also witnessed a shift in the number of senior citizens unable to purchase expensive medications and their rising utility bills.

Roberson says the organization’s small staff and volunteers provide immediate assistance to 90 percent of people who ask for help. That help may entail collaborating with other agencies to meet the callers’ needs.

According to Roberson, The REACH Center can help residents cover rent or a utility bill once a year and assist with food and prescription medicine every 90 days. The staff strongly encourages attendance at financial literacy courses. Their financial counselors teach participants how to create a budget plan.

Other services provided by The REACH Center include distributing news of new jobs in the area and making sure callers are aware of the skills required or training relevant to those jobs.

The comments and feedback from people the center has served inspires Roberson.

“They say ‘I came to one place and got all these needs met.’ People said they didn’t feel like they were just a number when they came to The REACH Center. We want them to understand that we walk alongside you. We don’t call them clients but champions. We tell them ‘you are a winner,’” Roberson said.

“We make sure our faith is the basis for everything we do at The REACH Center. Yes, our faith propels us to help people. Jesus said we should love our neighbor as ourselves,” she added.

I wanted to be in a capacity to help people get the resources they need and to help counsel them. When I see that light bulb of hope coming on in that person’s eyes -that is everything to me.

Beautiful BridesWedding Guide

Make a statement with your wedding cake

Brides and grooms may pour over every detail of their weddings, but few components of the festivities may be as fun, especially for foodies, as deciding what the wedding cake will look like. Couples who want to deliver show-stopping visuals often express some measure of their creativity and personalities through statement wedding cakes.

Many couples now eschew the classic three-tiered white cake in favor of a dessert that garners instant attention. Whether the cake is brightly colored or hand-painted, a towering architectural marvel or shimmering in metallics, couples are opting to make a statement with their confections. Apart from clever cake-toppers, here are ways to stand apart when dessert is served.

· According to the Perfect Wedding Guide, a rising trend in cakes is to cover a white or naked cake with translucent glaze tinted in the couple’s wedding colors. This artistic expression can be especially stunning in boho-chic weddings.

· Statement tiers also are popular. The cake may be traditional in nearly every way, but couples then set the cake apart by featuring an elaborate design or a different hue in one tier.

· Martha Stewart Weddings advises that more than just color can be used to make a statement. Lifelike sugar flowers can really set cakes apart. Guests may not be sure if they can consume all aspects of some

cakes. But delicate sugar flowers taste as good as they look.

· Hand-painted tiles on a cake are another way to add panache. A bride and groom may be inspired by a European vacation or the stained-glass effects of religious windows and want to add that feel to the tiers of the cake.

· Sometimes a statement comes by way of texture. Even an all-white cake can be dressed up with interesting textural effects. Ruffles, lace, embossing, and 3-D rosettes are different textural components that can be incorporated in cake designs.

· Couples also may want to tell their unique stories with cake. Individual tiers designed to reflect various milestone moments from the couple’s relationship can be quite engaging.

· Capitalizing on the trend of edgier weddings, couples may opt for darker hues on their cakes - even a black tier - or nontraditional geometric shapes to the cake itself or its design elements.

Statement cakes can really say something about the couple getting married. Much like other wedding elements, cakes provide a window into the minds of happy couples.

FOR

Private Vows

Weddings are very special occasions for two people who are in love. That's why many couples want close family and friends nearby when they tie the knot. But even the happiest couples may express some nervousness about one particular part of traditional wedding ceremonies.

Wedding vows are a way for couples to profess their love for each other. However, many couples who want to write their own vows are hesitant to say them aloud in front of an audience. If couples are intimidated by a heartfelt recital of their vows in front of a crowd, then exchanging vows in private may be for them.

Wedding planners and industry experts say that private vows have become very popular. While the vows do not replace the public

exchange that seals the marriage from a legal standpoint, they can be words shared in a private moment before the actual ceremony itself. A quiet moment alone allows couples to shed private tears and share a special moment before they make haste for the altar.

The Knot, a premier wedding planning resource, notes that there are many reasons to share private vows.

· You do not like being in the spotlight or become shy in front of crowds.

· There are words you would like to share with your future spouse that are deeply private, and you don't want to express those feelings to every person at the wedding.

· You do not want to censor your thoughts or words.

· You desire an intimately private and personal moment together before all of the fanfare and rush of the wedding.

· You'd like to recite loving words in a native language that some guests may not understand.

· You desire the potential for some very great candid photos if you invite the photographer to be there at a distance.

· You want to create a lasting memory that is only yours as a couple to share.

The popularity of private vows exchanged before a wedding ceremony is growing. This growing trend provides yet another way for couples to personalize their weddings.

Wedding Flowers

BECOMING LARGER

Move over bouquets and centerpieces. Flowers are taking over weddings in a big way. While wedding trends come and go, flowers will always have a place at the wedding table.

The blooms brides and grooms choose and how they decide to display them can say much about the couple’s style. Many modern couples are opting for statement pieces with their flowers to rival the big and bold ideas they’re incorporating elsewhere into their occasions, such as in cakes and clothing. In fact, floral designer Tom Uberuaga says traditional hurricane vase centerpieces are outdated and only focus the eye on the middle of the table. He prefers guests enter the wedding and have their senses stimulated by flowers from all angles. Large flower installations, as well as blooms popping up in unexpected places, are some of the hot trends for couples to keep their eyes on.

THAN

LIFE

Floral chandeliers

There’s no need to worry about seeing over table centerpieces or flowers getting in the way of photo moments. Thanks to hanging flowers and floral chandeliers, flowers are quite literally moving up in the world. Hanging floral pieces can add instant drama and make a large visual impact. Florists can hang flowers from beams over tabletops to increase visual impact, whether as individual baskets, single stems or floral swags. Hanging floral chandeliers are dramatic but naturally expensive. Think about a large installation that forces guests to look up into a sea of greenery and flowers. The smell and the sight can be breathtaking.

Welcome wreaths

Why should wreaths only be reserved for front doors and holiday decor? A welcome floral wreath can be placed by the entryway to a chapel or reception hall

with a heartfelt sentiment that shows guests how much they’re appreciated.

Fairy-tale flowers

A floral curtain of hanging flowers can line a chuppah or drape the altar in beautiful blooms. Couples who would like a fairy-tale entrance also can make their debut as a couple by coming through a flower curtain at the reception. Martha Stewart Weddings says a cascade of flowers and greens can be romantic and elegant.

Dance floor blooms

Who says flowers have to be overhead or on a table? With a plexiglass dance floor, or one made from some other transparent material, flowers can be underfoot, creating a magical floral carpet.

Floral necklaces

Brides needn’t carry their bouquets, they can wear ethereal and whimsical floral pieces around their necks or on their waists instead.

Couples are urged to speak with their florists about the innovative ways they can make flowers an even more awe-inspiring component of their weddings.

Recently engaged couples are often so swept up in the excitement surrounding their engagements that they can be forgiven for initially overlooking all the wedding planning that awaits them. Planning a wedding is no small task, but many couples very much enjoy all the hard work that goes into making their special day a success.

It’s hard for newly engaged couples who have never before planned a wedding to know what awaits them. But the following tips can help make the wedding planning process go smoothly.

Tips & Tricks Wedding Planning

· Find your organization method. Organization is the key to pulling off the wedding of your dreams.

Whether your organizational style is best served by jotting details like dates and deposit deadlines down in a notebook or utilizing an online spreadsheet or smartphone app, choose your method early on. Keeping information and reminders in one place can make it easier to manage all the tasks that lie ahead.

· Take your time. There’s no rush to the altar. Feel free to extend the engagement long enough to keep stress levels down and get the location and ceremony of your dreams. Many recently engaged couples feel pressured to get married right away. Stretching out the engagement to save money or give yourself more time to plan can make for a wonderful wedding day.

· Discuss the budget openly and honestly. Did you know a New York City wedding can cost $77,000, according to Money magazine? Wedding costs can vary widely, and couples should sit down together to decide what they can afford and are willing to pay for.

· Decide on a guest list. Planning decisions are often based around the projected number of guests. You’ll need to have a ballpark figure regarding guests before you can choose a venue and make other decisions, such as where guests will stay. And if the majority of guests are coming from a certain area, such as your hometown, you may want to bring the wedding to them instead of asking them to come to you.

· Create a priorities list. Make a list of at least three things that are most important for each of you. It may be the ceremony location, the food or another factor. Knowing what is important can help you negotiate prices and understand what to look for when planning.

These are some of the considerations couples should make while planning their weddings. While it’s important to consider these factors and others, it’s also important that couples have fun when planning their nuptials.

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Love Yourself

HELLO TO ALL YOU WINNERS!

Iwant you to get excited when you think about the fact that there is no other person in the world like you. You are unique as is all creation and you deserve to love your importance. So many people have a hard time practicing self-love. I’m not speaking of being a narcissistic or selfabsorbed, but about functioning in your full capacity of joy, happiness, peace and wellbeing. For you to have strong thriving relationships, survive challenges and strength to press through limiting beliefs you need to practice self-love.

So, take this moment, smile, hug yourself, breathe and start practicing the following today:

Speak positive affirmations daily. Take care of your body with good nutritional choices.

Exercise your body, movement is needed for good health.

Choose positive people who encourage you to surround yourself with. No comparison! The only person you should compare yourself to is you. Learn to celebrate yourself, big and small accomplishments.

Don’t be afraid to try new things, it will boost your confidence. Believe that your uniqueness makes you special.

Pray and mediate daily to calm your mind. Pace yourself, be patient but persistent. Find 3 things to be grateful for daily. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Never be afraid to say no sometimes.

Try journaling your thoughts.

Forgive yourself and move on, let go of past mistakes.

Learn how to spend time with yourself. Know that validation from others is not always necessary.

Be real and honest with yourself. No one is always perfect.

Learn the places and things that make you happy. Stay connected to your inner voice.

BE THE BEST YOU & KEEP SHINING!

Tilda Whitaker is an award-winning international bestselling author. Her message is set to compel the attention of those who seek to discover their purpose in life and launch their destiny. She is credential by the International Coaching Federation (ICF) as a Profession Certified Coach (PCC) and conducts an ICF accredited training program through her company, P4 Coaching Institute. She is also the founder of Soul Winners International Ministries -“SWIM.” For more information, check out www.p4cinstitute.com.

Love, Always

BY JENNY WHITE

Like many of us, Lisa Godwin categorizes her life by dates and momentous occasions.

On April 26, 1997, her life changed when she married Bert Godwin in her hometown of Elizabeth City

There’s April 24, 1998. The date her first child, Bishop was born. And Nov. 9, 1999, the day her second daughter, Ann Parke was born.

And then there was March 11, 2016. The day Bert was diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophageal cancer.

And August 13, 2016 the day Bert passed away at their home, surrounded by his family.

Since her husband’s death, Godwin has wrestled with her grief and adjusted to a life where bereavement is woven into her everyday life.

“I think people find it hard to understand that I can have the best day and the worst day, all at the same time. I can laugh now and most of the time go about my day, not in emotional turmoil. But deep down, the grief is still there.” Godwin said. “I haven’t stopped living. But it’s a different kind of living. It’s bittersweet.”

Licensed counselor, Kathy Lawson,

Ed.D, LPC, says there is grief and there is bereavement.

“Grief is the verb and bereavement is the noun. In other words, the overall process of experiencing a loss is the period of bereavement and that process moves forward and/or backwards in the acts of grieving,” Lawson said.

Grief does not manifest the same way for any two people, Lawson said, and each person has to go through the process in their own time and manner.

“For some reason, society seems to dictate that the period to grieve is like maternity leavesix weeks and it is all done,” Lawson said. “The length literally depends on so many factors. What was the nature of the relationshipthe length of it and what cultural or religious norms that person may be following. The loss of someone who was instrumental in our lives is not something we ever stop grieving. It is something that hopefully adapts itself to our processes of trying to move forward.”

For Godwin, writing is how she copes and processes her feelings of bereavement.

“Writing has been one of my saving graces.

The letters to Bert are especially difficult. It is where I feel the closest to him and I always cry. But tears are good. I feel better after I cry.

It’s like therapy to me. I feel so much calmer once I get the thoughts out of my head. My anxiety lessens and I feel like I can breathe after I finish each letter,” Godwin said. “The letters to Bert are especially difficult. It is where I feel the closest to him and I always cry. But tears are good. I feel better after I cry.”

Godwin said many try to suppress their feelings of grief and push through the pain. But for her, writing is a safe space to feel the emotions. ”When I write I feel those feelings, it’s one of the times I let myself get angry and scared and sad. Otherwise, we are just moving through our day trying to function and be normal. And I think if you don’t really process your feelings and acknowledge them, the pain of your grief doesn’t really go away.”

Godwin’s letters have helped others grieving a loss. She shares her writing on Facebook and has established a following of readers who relate to and are moved by her words.

She said during Bert’s illness she posted updates on a site used by families to keep family and friends informed called Caring Bridge. “I had such a response to the CaringBridge posts that I decided to start posting on social media once I ended that. I’ve had many reach out to say how much something I said helped them. Or that they could relate to certain things I said,” she said. “So writing is a win-win. It helps me and others.”

YOU CAN READ LISA’S MUSING ON LIFE, LOVE AND LOSS AT LISABGODWIN.COM.

- LISA GODWIN

Dear Sweet Bert,

Four years ago we heard words that turned our world upside down. Words that stopped us in our tracks. Words that invoked fear and anxiety and sadness like no other. Before your diagnosis we were an average couple, raising two precious daughters, living a simple life. Through the ups and downs of our marriage we managed to ground ourselves in faith and abundant love. We suffered the loss of parents, friends and jobs. We felt worry as our daughters navigated their teenage years full of society’s pressures and temptations. You lived with a wife suffering from a chronic illness, one that looked invisible to the outside world, but stared you in the face every day. I lived with a husband that tended to keep his emotions bottled up, a pleaser, the one that held us together and liked a cold beer to soothe his worries. And despite it all, our love stood solid. Receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis changed everything. The day to day stressors of running a household and advancing a career or worrying about retirement seemed to fade away. Our focus became so small. Getting through the next hour felt like victory. Seeing the girls smile or get invited to spend time with friends or go to the prom brought great joy. We spent the next five months together. Hardly leaving each other’s side. We talked. We sat quietly. We went to lunch when you could eat. We cried and laughed. In some ways, it was our mini retirement. One that came far too early for reasons we could never have imagined. From March until August our love glued us together. It felt like we were one. It felt like a seal that would never come apart.

On that August morning we were torn apart. Our physical bodies will never touch again. I will never feel your hand in mine or your kiss on my cheek the rest of my days. But nothing can take our love. Not cancer or death or anger or fear. I have learned that grief attempts to do that. I have suffered panic attacks and my heart has physically ached for you. I have been paralyzed in fear for the girls and me, not knowing if I can raise them to become kind and vibrant young women without you. I have felt loneliness while being surrounded by the people that love me the most. Grief does these things. But it can never steal love.

I have spent countless hours thinking about how I will live the rest of my life. I have hope and excitement about my future. I choose to be optimistic and focus on my faith. I surround myself with the things that bring me joy and peace. I also let myself feel the sorrow and sadness that creeps in from time to time. I believe giving in to the hard feelings results in brighter days. Ignoring them seems to give me a false sense of well- being. I also hold on to the love we had. You died without me having a single doubt that I was loved. That was perhaps the greatest gift you could have left me. I would give anything to have you by my side again, to hear your voice and feel your warmth. That will never happen. So instead, I will hold your love in my heart forever. xoxo

All my love, Lisa

BEAUTY TRENDS

Love Hues

BY JENNY WHITE

Spring is just around the corner and new hues and beauty trends are blooming. Whether you buy a new lipstick, try out a new updo or go bold with new eye makeup, spring 2020 is a great time to add a little something extra to your typical beauty routine. We scoured the latest fashion forecasts and watched the spring runway videos on repeat and can report spring beauty styles run the gamut from updated classics to new-to-youideas. Here’s what we found:

METALLIC SMOKEY EYES

Go dramatic with a smoky eye. This season’s new twist on the classic bold look adds metallic sparkles to your favorite eye shadow. The 2020 Spring Fashion runways saw models stalk the stages with this look in a wide swath of colors. Go with the typical gray or brown smoky eyes, or atypical with a violet, copper or blue shade.

THE EYES GET VIOLET

Look for many eyeshadow and liner hues with violet, amethyst, purple, lilac or lavender in the name. It’s set to be a popular color and was seen at multiple designer runway shows. (Urban Decay Eye Pencil in Viper)

LIQUID LINER MAKES A COMEBACK

Liquid liner makes a comeback: Prepare for your eyeliner to go to the dark side. Liquid liner is back and it’s set to take your eyes to the next level. Paint some on for a more dramatic lash line. Have the eye makeup remover ready. (Glossier Liquid Liner)

BRAID IT UP NAIL IT

Braids were everywhere on the spring runways. We liked the braids with embellishments, like Andrew Gn’s models’ braids with pearl adornments and the braid ropes from Gabriela Hearst. Also seen were Princess Lea style twin braid buns, baby braids and tight, traditional tight, studious braids.

Hot colors include yellow, nude beige, blue and anything metallic. The “stiletto” nail was popular on the runway – think long eagle talons. In a vivid hue. On the other side of the nail spectrum, some nails were only painted on the tips. Similar to a french tip manicure, this nail trend adds a pop of color to an otherwise naked nail. Models wore nails with red tips, gold tips and even nails with a lone glittery sparkle on each fingernail.

CLASSIC RED LIP PASTEL EYE SHADOW

Classic red lip: Will a bold red lip ever go out of style? This season the red lip bold, matte and fierce. (Mac Ruby Woo, Chanel Allure Intense Lipcolor in 99 Pirate)

Runway models at several shows featured a rainbow of colors on eyelids, showing off a complete palette of pastel hues. Lavender and light blue typically serve as the focal colors. (Fenty Eyeshadow Palette in Pastel Frost)

Watching her grandmother go through the rituals of cooking, taught Dorea a lesson in love.

“Everything about cooking brings me back to growing up with my Grandmother. She was the person who taught me all of the basics. I loved watching her

Love Feast

BY JENNY WHITE PHOTOS BY JENNY BRASWELL

DOREA NUNERY HAS CONNECTED FOOD WITH LOVE SINCE SHE WAS A YOUNG GIRL.

prep meals and cook. She did it so effortlessly,” Nunery said. “I honestly can’t remember a time that I didn’t enjoy something she cooked. It tasted good and she always did it with love.”

After her grandmother had a stroke in 1995, Nunery said

she had to take over many of the cooking tasks. “Back then, that was kind of a large task for a 15-year-old. But now I’m grateful, because being in the kitchen now is my place of peace.”

Today, Nunery is the owner and operator of Radiant Delights, a full-service catering business. She started out doing desserts in 2013 and the business has grown to the point that she hires employees for big catering jobs.

She balances her career with being a wife to her husband, Jessie Nunery, and mom to her three children, Mikai, Zhora and Naima. “Jessie has really encouraged me and is a big part of the success of the Radiant Delights. We work as a team, always doing what’s best for our family, first,” Nunery said.

She says her faith always led her to believe she was meant to serve people, but she didn’t know in what capacity, until she started her catering business.

“Food, like music, is universal. It brings all kinds of people together,” Nunery said. “I always say my secret ingredient is love! I will always live by that.”

Nunery serves many meals through her church, Word Tabernacle, offering food to those that find themselves challenged by life.

“To me, what I do is like a ministry. One of my favorite things to do is prepare meals for mission teams in the area. When I cook and serve a meal, it’s like I’m saying, ‘I love you,’ Nunery said.

“That’s what my grandmother taught me.”

DOREA’S BAKED CHICKEN

First, grab yourself a 4-5 lb bird and remove the giblets inside the chicken’s cavity. Then, grab some paper towels and dry off the skin. Dry skin results in crispier baked skin.

Next, place chicken, breast side UP, in a roasting pan.

Brush the chicken with melted butter and rub garlic all over the chicken.

In a small bowl, mix together salt, lemon pepper, dried basil and dried thyme. Take this seasoning mix and rub it onto the chicken.

Add salt inside the cavity, too, and put some garlic cloves in there, as well as half of a lemon and fresh

rosemary sprigs, or any other fresh herbs that you have on hand. Don’t crowd the cavity with too many things because that can result in uneven cooking.

Tie the legs together with kitchen twine and tuck the wings under the body of the chicken.

Cook covered with roasting pan lid or loosely covered foil about 1 hour to 1.5 hours (internal temperature reaching 165 degrees F).

When chicken is done, remove from oven, baste the chicken with the juices, and let rest for about 15 to 20 minutes before cutting.

Dorea’s husband, Jessie Nunery, her son, Mekai, 11; Zhora. 8; Naima, 2.