Enter... The COVID Menace... A friend told me that I’m always doing stupid things and, as I’m old now, my stories are more funny than sad, so I should write them down. I stared at her angrily, processing the words ‘stupid’, ‘old’ and ‘sad’, but forgot I was driving, didn’t brake when the chap in the car in front did, and smacked into his bumper. He leapt out of his car shouting that I was a menace; I leapt out of my car to shout back, my mask fell off and he called me a complete and utter COVID Menace.
He leapt out of his car shouting that I was a menace... I was born a menace, in fact I think the Latin name for my star sign is Dennis. I was the kid always rocking up at the wrong classroom/time, getting locked in the toilets, pushing my head through the school railings and getting stuck. Then as an adult, turning up at the wrong meeting/time, getting locked in the toilets, and getting my head stuck in the pub’s railings.
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Although I’m old enough to know better, I obviously don’t, and I do tend to dominate the wine bottle… and I can get a bit belligerent. Like the time Nancy asked us to leave her dinner party before we’d even had pudding because, in her words she “... didn’t want things to go too far, especially over a spaghetti episode that happened fifteen years ago, and nobody else was really worried about.” She might not be worried about it, but I do intend to get closure...one day. Nancy’s had it in for me since I ran over her foot at her Tupperware party, which was entirely her fault - you don’t invite people over, tell them to bring their own drinks and you’ll provide snacks, and then give them one measly sausage roll. Anyway, it’s not the end of the world! I ran over my own foot once, when I was trying to push start my car. It wasn’t that bad, although my shoe snapped, more of a grinding sensation than anything else. You didn’t see me thrashing about, throwing my plastic Sunflower Yellow, Summer Picnic Gift Set all over the place and wailing for an ambulance. Really, some people do make a fuss.
