Jokes

56

Please mention the Sentinella when replying to ads! Jokes ha ha :)

Bert, 80 yrs, always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. So, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home: Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife. “Notice anything different about me?” Margaret, 75, looked him over. “Nope.” Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time. “Notice anything different NOW?” Margaret looked up and said in her best deadpan. “Bert, what’s different? It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it’ll be hanging down again tomorrow.” Furious, Bert yelled. “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?” “Nope. Not a clue.” She replied. “IT’S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT’S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!” Without missing a beat, Margaret replied. “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert! You shoulda bought a hat.” *************************************************** A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned the task of helping the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, and not the original books. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there was an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.” So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears sobbing coming from the back of the cellar and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what’s wrong. “You blessed tyrants!!”, he says, with anger and sadness in his eyes, “the word was CELEBRATE!” *************************************************** I’ve just gone and bought a dog off a Blacksmith!!! As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door! *************************************************** My daughter want’s the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her house chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because... “It’s my way or the Huawei” *************************************************** An Eskimos car breaks down and a man from Wales pulls over to help him out. He has a look under the bonnet and says “looks like you’ve blown a seal” the Eskimo is furious at the Welchman and replies, “that’s not a very nice thing to say, but now that you mention it, rumour has it that you F##k sheep! *************************************************** My friend was bragging his new 3D printer can print a gun. I wasn’t impressed, I’ve had a Canon printer for years! ************************************************** New take for the ladies on an old saying: Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.

57 To advertise in The Sentinella Malaga call 711 096 354 Jokes ha ha :)

Buy him a fishing rod, he will be gone all weekend - sometimes longer! *************************************************** It was only discovered after take off, when the flight attendants started going through their preparations for the meals that they didn’t have enough for the passengers. So, the airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix. However, one smart flight attendant had an idea. A couple of hours into the flight she nervously announced, ‘Ladies and gentleman; we don’t know how this happened, but we have over 400 people on board, but only 200 dinners. Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal to someone else, will receive unlimited free liquor for the duration of the flight!’ Her next announcement came six hours later. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, if anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 180 dinners available’. Moral of the story: People who like to drink, have very kind hearts. *************************************************** Why does the new Russian Navy have glass bottom boats? So they can see the old Russian Navy. *************************************************** After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, “You are definitely the biggest I’ve ever had.” Apparently “ditto” wasn’t the correct response..OOPs! *************************************************** My wife bought a new briefcase for work She asked if I wanted to know why she bought that specific one I reply with a “no” She asks why, and I say, “Because it’s a pretty open and shut case” *************************************************** Last night I had a dream where I experienced a completely new colour. It was a pigment of my imagination *************************************************** My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?” I mumbled, “The same way the Virgin Mary got pregnant.” He laughed, “A miracle?!” I groaned, “No. Sex that I just can’t tell anyone about.” *************************************************** Beware of a new E-bay scam... I ordered my wife some expensive jewelry and they sent me a new apple mac computer, kitted out with the M1 processor with 2TB of ram, with magic mouse, a desk stand and a 20%OFF my next pruchase.. *************************************************** A man runs home from work The second he gets home he finds his wife of 20 years, takes her into the bedroom and throws her on the bed, and pulled some blankets over them. The wife was shocked, he hadn’t been this way since they were young.. As she quickly jostles to remove her panties he says.. “look! at my new diving watch, it glows in the dark!” ************************************************** My cranky old Grandad has acquired a new trick for meeting new people he doesn’t want to meet and that he doesn’t like anyway... Alzheimer’s *************************************************** I’ve just wrecked my new Kia. Now I have NOKIA.