April 2014
The Magazine for Bold Movers
Fashion: Our Favorite Trench Coats for Spring
Understanding Menopause & Weight Gain
Actress Carol Bailey on Life, Love and Mothering An Autistic Son
Dealing with DRAMA In Relationships
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Table of Contents In Every Issue Prime Time
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Postings The Magazine For BOLD 6 Movers
Cover Feature: Carol Bailey On Life, Love & Mothering An Autistic Son 10 Life Changing Feature: Dealing with DRAMA In A Relationship 14 Understanding Menopause & Weight Gain 13
Frankly Speaking
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Your Body Strong
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Loving
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Sepia Style: 17 Naturally BOLD Naturally Me! Superwoman Sanctuary The Main Thing
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Trench Coat Trends We Like 23
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PRIME TIME The Family Business When we hear the term, Family Business, we usually think about a business that is owned by a family; one that has been around for a few generations and is well established as a source of income. The family business uses the skills, education and talents of the family to create income for that family, and prayerfully others. The young family members start working in the business early, so by the time they finish high school or college, they know where they “fit” in the family business. That’s not the family business I’m talking about. As I considered this editorial, my adult children were making a video. One of them is studying acting, while the other is studying film, production and writing. We didn’t intentionally steer them in that direction, but it didn’t just happen, either. They are studying things that relate, but that use their individual talents, creativity and personalities in different ways. Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Have we thought about the phrase, “The way he should go?” In our society we busy, working adults assuage our guilt by trying to get our children in the BEST programs, the most ACADEMICALLY ADVANCED school districts, the strictest athletics, all in an attempt to make them “competitive”, and dare I say, “conformative”. OK, I made that word up and here’s the definition: conforming to what other people think they should be. While we all should endeavor to give our children the best we can afford , we need to remember that money can’t tell you the way they should go As a parent or one with oversight for children you have to prayerfully observe them; their likes, dislikes, talents, learning styles, challenges and strengths. In the traditional Family Business, somebody has to outline a vision for the company and the employees – otherwise what is the point of the business? Well God has outlined a vision for each of us, including our children, but you have to look for the “markers” in your child that point to the way he (or she) should go. And then, like one who oversees a business,
you have to create opportunities for success. Our children are dying in the streets because those overseeing the Family Business are too busy with other people’s business. In the Family Business, we get to provoke each other to greater when we feel too weak to try harder and give and receive comfort when it gets too heavy for us. You have to listen when God tells you, the characteristics in your children and discerning His pleasure with their individual brilliance. Hearing and internalizing what God says about your children means you have to put your ego, your desires for them, all the unfulfilled stuff in you – away. Once the children come along, getting them to successful adulthood is YOUR PRIORITY. Pause. That’s right. Whether you do it alone or with a spouse, The Family Business is the business of nurturing the next generation of leaders who are right now living under your roof. There is something in them for you, and there is something in you for them. Pause again. If you dare to embrace The Family Business, you will be rewarded beyond anything you could imagine by rejoicing in their success, and realizing that what is in you has value in spite of what others have said. In fact I believe as you really pour into your children, you will find some commonality with their gifts. Did I mention this applies to spouses too? That can be a little dicey because spouses don’t come to us as children, but as people who may have been misdirected by parental, societal, educational, and (gasp) religious expectations. You don’t get to reraise them, but to fight for the essence of who God says they are (and you know what that is because you have unselfishly prayed and heard God tell you 4|Page
The Family Business continued their SWOT). Sometimes you may even have to fight them for them. The best thing a woman can do for her son is to let him see her honestly respect his father – flaws and all and fearlessly engaging in uncomfortable discussions. That takes nothing away from his father and helps the son get used to
accountability from the one he spends his life with. The best thing a father can do for his daughter is to sincerely love her mother – good, bad and ugly, and fearlessly engaging in uncomfortable discussions. In an environment where love is unquestioned we don’t have to tip toe around hard stuff. We work through it like in any successful business. We teach our children how to handle conflict in relationships by how we deal with the conflicts in ours. The Family Business, like the business I talked about in the first paragraph should aim at to meet its target – children who are not afraid be BOLD in their love for family and AUTHENTIC in their pursuit of "The way they should go". Tend to ya’ business. You are loved
Michele
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POSTINGS Kind of like letters to the editor…only quicker
“Took a time out from my busy schedule yesterday to read my copy of Sepia Prime Woman Magazine and I must say that I could not stop reading and ended up reading the entire issue all at once. From one great article to the next, I was encouraged, inspired, I laughed and I cried. I'm not a sweater person, I like suits, but I've now got a few ideas on how to make them compliment my wardrobe. I loved loved Candace Payne's salute to herself. Pastor Traci Childress' story of how she found her purpose right within her own family will certainly inspire others who may have lost their way. "Why Can't We Just All Get Along," is a question that I've asked practically all of my life. I understand that women act out of their pain. I pray for healing for each of us so we can love each other, the way God loves us. Michele, thank you for pushing us to be fierce! And you really are a nice person. Oh, and I'm signing up with a running coach! Thank you Sepia Prime Woman!” SJ Chicago “I just read the magazine from cover to cover!!! OMG! I’ve heard the word “Revelation” several times at church, but
after reading your magazine I realize that a revelation is taking place in my life!!! You are loved Big Time!!” KJ Chicago “I've started and I'm loving the articles. After the emotions settled from your BEAUTIFUL memory of Lynetta, then my Bible read, I read, Not just any kind of woman. Of course I kept going to awaken still sitting at the computer at 3am (ouch). The articles are personable that you can relate or say that's me because they make the reader feel what they are writing. Hopefully I will stay awake to finish. High excitement for the confrontational dreamer. I intend on getting a pink Sepia Prime shirt as well.” CL Charlotte, NC “I just read the magazine, and I really enjoyed it. That Candace is awesome. She helped me.” RN Matteson , IL
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Frankly Speaking Spring Cleaning By Stephanie Franklin Well…we did it! We survived the brutality of the winter months cooped up like chickens, not really wanting to leave the house with the exception of those absolutely necessary trips, and I do mean absolutely necessary! But now we are into spring and you know what that means! Spring Cleaning!
list and in a lot of cases, forgotten. The secret to overcoming your now mundane existence lies within discovering your purpose once again and walking in it! Get out those shovels, blow the dust off of those journals and business plans and dream again!
Cleanup week when I was younger meant a good week out of school and new clothes for me to wear when I said my rehearsed Easter speech. It was also a time when my mother went crazy, cleaning the house like Better Homes and Gardens was coming to do an interview! We washed windows, cleaned out the closets, and scraped the corners and wood framing with the end of a butter knife! The scent of bleach and Pine Sol was so strong your eyes would burn and you could smell it from the outside!
Leggings, Lycra, and all things knit: Many of them got buried in the 80’s where they should have stayed along with so many other fashion faux pas! They have now come back with a vengeance to a society that boasts the most people in denial about their body types and who declare, “If I can get in it, it fits!” Lies I tell you! Just Lies! Remember, the truth shall set you free!!
In a natural setting, spring cleaning was such a rigorous and tedious process, but if we did an inventory of our lives and applied the spring cleaning principle, we would see that we often confuse the things we need to keep with the things we need to get rid of. For instance: Relationships: There are relationships that, due to miscommunication, distance, and a myriad of other reasons, are strained or broken, but need to be reconciled. Then there are those toxic relationships -- Jerry Springer and Maury worthy which bring only strife, animosity and hurt; they need to be buried and left in the ground. Dreams, visions and goals: Well now…many of these are in the cemetery with weeds growing on top because we won’t even visit them! When you were a googly eyed youngster, you had big dreams of turning the world upside down. Somewhere between college, marriage, parenthood and life 101, those dreams got pushed further down the priority
Negative thoughts: Sometimes we can’t move forward because of the “rewind/hit play” button that we continually rehearse of the negative things said to us and about us (i.e. “you will never…”, “you can’t because…”, “You shouldn’t because.”, “You’re nothing but a…” etc.). STOP! Pull tape and record new affirmations to rehearse. You are not your past or the negativity spoken over you! You is smart, You is kind, You is important! Bad habits: This list could take up the rest of this writer’s column and I don’t have that much time or space! A few of these include procrastination, Frankly Speaking continued
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gossiping, laziness, lying, ignorance, greed, etc. These are all destructive to your purpose and destiny. Break and get rid of those bad habits and then adopt some new ones that are productive to your destination and legacy. And last but not least…YOU! Many of us have settled into the comfort of mediocrity and act and look like beggars and paupers instead of the Bad Mamma Jammas we are! We have let ourselves go and are content with wearing Mom jeans whose waist line comes to our necks, and socks with cartoon characters on them. It has become acceptable to wear pajama pants, house shoes and satin hair bonnets outside of the house and justify it. We have not even put ourselves on our list of things to do! Knowing who you REALLY are makes some things unacceptable. Breathe life back into yourself! Bring sexy back (husbands would greatly appreciate it!) Do something that brings enjoyment to you! Learn to love yourself once again…curves, crooked smile and all. Dumping the junk will reveal that wonderfully creative and sassy lady you have forgotten! In the natural when the house was clean, you breathed a sigh of relief because after all, there’s nothing like relaxing in a clean house. Taking inventory of our lives will bring the same result without the hazardous chemical smells and the burning of our eyes. #Finallyexhaling… #Woossaahhhh….
It’s your move. Make it a BOLD One.
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Coming Up in Sepia Prime Woman Magazine: May: The Challenges & Blessings of Mothering in 2014 June: The Men’s Issue July: Get Aways, “Stay-cations” & Bringing Back Summertime Fun! Call to take advantage of our Business Builder Special that includes a radio Interview, Commercials on The BOLD Movers Network and Premium Advertising Space. This is a limited opportunity and the May Issue closes April 22nd. What are you waiting for?
It’s Your Move: Make It A BOLD One
Call us at 312.646.0429 Or email: Influence@sepiaprimewoman.com 9|Page
COVER FEATURE Actress Carol Bailey on Life, Love and Mothering How long have you been acting and what are some things you have been in? I have been acting on stage since I was four years old. I have been in school plays, drama clubs and even participated in some award winning plays at the state level, while in high school. When I came to America from Jamaica as a teen, I was inducted into the National Thespian Society. Twenty years ago, I began acting as professional. The very first thing I did was a photo shoot for Scholastic Book Fairs of America. I have been in commercials for our local theme parks: Universal Studios, Sea World, and I’ve done national commercials for Walt Disney World and McDonalds. I am in the Oscar winning movie, Monster with Charlize Theron, where I appear as a Court Reporter. I have also been in Beethoven’s Big Break with Eddie Griffin as a dinner guest and Tooth Fairy 2 as a home demonstration guest. It is a blast and a privilege to get paid for doing what I love most. I also played an HIV patient, who was dying in the hospital, as a part of a Public Service Announcement for my state. I spent quite some time explaining that, “No I was not dying and no I did not have HIV”. I am also extremely proud to be a member of SAGAFTRA (Screen Actors Guild-American Federation of Television & Radio Artists); there are only 160,000 of us.
What emotions did you experience after finding out one of your children was autistic? The first thing I did was deny the facts. I looked at the two older kids and told myself that this third one was going to be okay – it would only be a matter of time. Then I discovered that thyroid disease with a combination of a wheat diet could also be a contributing factor in having children on the autism spectrum. After finding that out, I started questioning if I was the reason for his diagnosis. Finally, I realized that yes, my son was autistic and that it was time to find ways to best serve him as a parent. At this realization I felt God telling me that we were given this child because we could be trusted with him. One of our pastors said almost the same thing to me the day after I heard this in my heart; I was truly encouraged by it. My son’s diagnosis is Autism with Pervasive Development Disorder. The neurologist said the only thing we could do was to give him a reduced dose of a drug called Ritalin. We countered with the suggestion of Vitamin Therapy to which the neurologist said no. So, we decided that he was not going to be on drugs either. We later found this drug was so powerful that when the children on it were not being medicated they were almost uncontrollable. We did not want that for our son. Over the next few months, I cried and prayed; we cried and prayed, and I asked God, “Why?” At first He was silent, or it could have been that I was not paying attention because I kept asking. Finally, the answer I heard was, “Why not?” I was shocked at 10 | P a g e
first but it was definitely food for thought. I had four young children, one of whom was diagnosed as having special needs, but I also had a loving and very supportive husband to help bear the load. There are single parents in the same situation with no support. I started walking out the path God set for me. As a member of our family, Kevin is always included in our activities. There were times when he chose not to participate but I think he realized that we were not giving up on him so he joined the fun. He also learned that we would not tolerate misbehavior. We have had to make adjustments. For example, if we are going out to eat, we bring a snack so he has something to munch on while we wait for our food. When attending church, we choose the shorter service and sit away from the speakers because he is sensitive to loud noises. And now when I meet parents of children with special needs, I encourage them with the same words God shared with me: “You have been entrusted with this precious gift,” and those parents usually begin looking at their situation with renewed vision. How do you keep yourself motivated? As a woman of faith, I spend time daily reading the scriptures, devotional material, positive affirmations as well as praying and meditating on what I have read. I have found that this helps to keep me centered and not focused on what others see as a problem, but thankful for our current situation. We participate in Special Olympics events throughout the year. One only has to look around to realize that things are not so bad – they could be much worse. I choose to spend my energy being thankful and enjoying the moments that my family has been given. I also keep motivated by reading books, trade magazines and going to the movies with my husband (our favorite activity from our dating days). I have also rediscovered my passion for working out and I endeavor to spend time in the gym on a daily basis.
What is your greatest hope for your son and for your family? My greatest hope for my son is that one day he will, like the young Albert Einstein, look up from his dinner and say, “The soup is too hot,” or some similar event. I hope that he is able to clearly say his name, address and phone number as appropriate responses when questioned. My mother-in-law read Einstein’s story and called to tell us about it almost twenty years ago. We still have hope that he will converse with us one day. My greatest hope for our family is that they will realize how proud we are of them as parents. We are our son’s greatest cheerleaders and we all celebrate him. When friends come over to visit, he is introduced and welcomed as one of the gang and that makes my heart glad. I remember a time we were having a picnic in the park when the kids were about 4, 6, 8 and 10. We had 6 bikes and were taking a rest from riding. A little boy asked my husband if he could ride one of the bikes and we gave him Kevin’s bike because it was just the right size. Our youngest put his hands on his hips and confronted the little boy, “You betta leave my brudda’s bike alone, right now!” he demanded, even though he was a good foot shorter than the other boy. We explained the situation but little brother kept an eye on the bike until it was returned. We do not take their love for granted and make time to let them know how we feel about them. What would you say to the mother who just found out her son or daughter is autistic? I would say that this road is going to lead you into many discoveries, not only about your child but 11 | P a g e
about yourself. In all my years of reading and research, the autism spectrum is so broad that it is not a “one-size-fits-all” diagnosis. I would also say pay attention to your child and get to know them in ways such as:
Their likes and dislikes Their triggers, i.e., (what causes them to become irritable and why) What things make them happy What things make them sad
And also for yourself:
Identify your support system. Consider what plans you have for their future if their diagnosis does not change or worsens.
Kevin’s High School Graduation, June 1, 2012
What Is Autism? What is Autism Spectrum Disorder? Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and autism are both general terms for a group of complex disorders of brain development. These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors. Autism appears to have its roots in very early brain development. However, the most obvious signs of autism and symptoms of autism tend to emerge between 2 and 3 years of age. Autism Speaks continues to fund research on effective methods for earlier diagnosis, as early intervention with proven behavioral therapies can improve outcomes. Increasing autism awareness is a key aspect of this work and one in which our families and volunteers play an invaluable role. Autism statistics from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) identify around 1 in 88 American children as on the autism spectrum–a ten-fold increase in prevalence in 40 years. Careful research shows that this increase is only partly explained by improved diagnosis and awareness. Studies also show that autism is four to five times more common among boys than girls. An estimated 1 out of 54 boys and 1 in 252 girls are diagnosed with autism in the United States. Excerpted from www.autismspeaks.org 12 | P a g e
YOUR BODY STRONG
Understanding Menopause & Weight Gain By Tasha Odunuyi How many of us have heard the dreaded saying that the older you get the harder it is to lose weight? When it comes to staying fit it can be very challenging at any age, but especially for women in pre-menopause and menopause. A study revealed that about 90% of all women experience weight fluctuations between the ages of 30 and 55. The weight gain can range between 10 to 25 pounds during menopause and average a pound a year. Let's discuss the known contributing factors to gaining weight during menopause:
Testosterone: When you hear this word you only think of men. The truth is that women carry this hormone but in smaller amounts than men. Testosterone is responsible for building and maintaining muscle mass along with a host of other things. It allows the muscle cells to burn calories and elevates your metabolism. Unfortunately as your levels begin to drop, you lose muscle mass and have a much slower metabolism.
Estrogen: It's a very common thing for estrogen levels to take a dip during menopause causing cessation of ovulation. The decrease is due to a drop in the production of estrogen by the
ovaries causing your body to look for other sources of estrogen. The other source: fat cells resulting in calories storing as fat in order to increase estrogen levels. Stress: High levels of stress can cause havoc on a women's body and the first place you start to notice the sudden weight gain are the waistline, butt, arms and hips. Too much stress on the body plays a negative role and produces much higher levels of cortisol resulting in weight gain. Insulin Resistance: This can occur when your body converts calories into fat .Over a period of time the body resists insulin produced in the blood stream and experiences weight gain.
Tasha Odunuyi is an NASM Certified Personal Trainer and owner of Circle of Life Fitness.
www.colfitness.com
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LIFE CHANGING FEATURE
Dealing with DRAMA in Relationships By Reverend Michael Anthony Simmons Since the beginning of creation men and women alike have shared and sacrificed with attempts to satisfy each other’s emotional and physical appetites, only to be told that tomorrow’s menu will call for something better and more exciting. I am of the opinion that there is no such luxury as a drama-free relationship. Depending on the couple or single person you’re talking to, however, you will get a different definition of drama. Drama is defined as the specific mode of fiction represented in a performance. The term comes from the Greek word meaning action, which is derived from the verb meaning to do or to act. When we classify the disagreements and argumentative times, or even the behavior of our significant other in our relationships as drama we are literally saying that no matter how serious that matter might be, or how urgent the moment, it’s fictitious, a fallacy at best. No wonder our wives or girlfriends get offended when we refer to them as a drama queens. I consider myself to be a student of this game of relationships. I’m always intrigued at the end results of an emotional co-existence when love is no longer the nucleus. I began counseling couples over 20 years ago prior to officiating their marriage ceremonies with hopes that the marriage relationship will be lasting and mutually rewarding, but not without drama. In fact, I explain in great detail that they should expect
DRAMA! Gleaning from its original definition, they should expect the other one to act. I advised them to find a happy medium, to consider what they love about each other, and refer to that or those character traits when unpleasant happenings occur. In these sessions I tend to play the realist or as they might see me, the pessimist. My objective is to pre-warn them that the honeymoon won’t last forever and when tempers flare, (and they will) there should be a resolve system in place. They are many different ways of dealing with those non-diplomatic times, when you wish you had never said I do, or agreed to commit to what right now feels like “this God-forsaken relationship”. The reality is that everyone handles disagreements and DRAMA differently. Personally speaking, I love a good debate -- the reenactment of issues, and recalling of statements that prompted me to get you straight in the first place. On the other hand, I try to cover my negligence with charm and romance. It took me years to fully understand that 14 | P a g e
Life Changing Feature continued sexual prowess is time consuming and limited in terms of an intimate connection. By the way, how often do we confuse romance with intimacy? Most of us weren’t schooled by someone else’s experience without room for our own relational discrepancies. Boys were taught not to cry, not knowing that we were actually being taught to be deceptive to our own feelings of pain and vulnerability. In reality, we should have been taught perseverance, and intestinal fortitude, not the ability to mask our pain for gender pride. Women were taught to submit no matter what. This is one of the reasons so many women remain in an abusive relationship, or engage in the rollercoaster of leaving and coming back. More often than not, opposites indeed attract. In the early stages of a relationship, we’re on our best behavior, not wanting to appear less than perfect. I am definitely a proponent of presentation, and making a good first impression. However, somehow we have taken that to mean, “I can’t be my true self because I won’t be accepted.” Once familiarly sets in and we gain each other’s confidence, we become more and more transparent. Lights, camera, action! We began disagreeing with her opinion. She becomes animated with her dislike for you taking your shoes off in the sitting area. He would rather watch the game with the fellas; she wants you to listen to her vent about her day at the office. You used to take her shopping; now you prefer to give her the money and send her because she takes too long and you don’t have that kind of patience. “You changed”! No he didn’t, he’s just becoming comfortable enough to risk
putting his priorities in front of yours. It’s not that he’s being insensitive, or taking you for granted, he just knows that after you fuss, he’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear, seduce you, make passionate love to you, and all will be forgiven -- or will it? Women never forget, they just settle for the idea of better times to come. Then the big argument happens, and she becomes a hall of fame court room stenographer. She recalls all of the past testimonies, leaving us men to throw ourselves on the mercy of the court. Longevity in a relationship is contingent upon several factors: Acceptance of his/her flaws Admission of your own imperfections Willingness to communicate during difficult times Ability to forgive Deciding that this is who I chose to love unconditionally Unselfish behavior toward his/her wants & needs Managing their trust with consideration of your own And so the million dollar question is how can we get past the DRAMA? Where do we draw a line in the sand, and say these are my core values, and I will not compromise my dignity, or moral convictions? I want to answer the question by going on record and saying that love is not blind and in fact has 20/20 vision. Love has the ability to see what lust could only imagine. When you listen to your heart, your soul gives audible clarity. You must first clear the mechanism. Understand truth versus lies; reality versus fiction, and most 15 | P a g e
Dealing With Drama continued
importantly joy rather than happiness. When we navigate our way through relationship storms, if we have the right storm apparatus, we’ll be fine. Jesus makes it clear! “Whosoever God joins together, let no man put asunder”! That means, that no predicaments, or situations, or circumstances, or worst case scenarios can disconnect what God connects. If your relationship is going to survive the DRAMA, God has to be the writer, and director of the script. When we learn how to love ourselves correctly, we can begin loving someone other than ourselves. We must learn to disagree without being disagreeable. We can’t afford to allow the sun to go down upon our wrath. We should cherish every
moment, simply because according to scripture, life is as a vapor, which appears for a little while, and then it vanishes. Confrontation can be a good thing when its intent is to resolve and resume. No relationship deserves the ostrich approach -- avoiding the issues, hoping they will go away. If this romance and intimate rendezvous is going to stand the test of time, two must agree that we are stronger together than we are apart. And that we will remain…
Michael Anthony Simmons is an ordained minister, a playwright and a father.
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Naturally ME, Naturally BOLD By Sonya L Moore “You are .bold”! Those were the words a young woman told me in the restroom, as I washed my hands, before returning to my office to finish a presentation. I was professionally dressed in a two-piece suit complete with leather pumps. Although I admit I had a bit of swag that day, I didn’t know what she was referring to until it dawned on me. She wasn’t talking about how I was dressed; she was referring to my hair – my afro! I was utterly amazed at that statement because I had not given my hair a second thought that day, other than making sure it was neat and properly moisturized. (I can’t stand dry hair, but that’s another article for another day .) What I found most shocking was that the young woman also wore her hair natural, but in a twist out style. I asked her what was bold about my hairstyle and she said, “There is no way I could walk in here with an afro. I am not that confident”. Those words caused me to pause but one word in particular stuck with me – confident. Until that very moment, I had not given a second thought to my hair and workplace acceptance, nor did I factor in the confidence to determine my preferred hairstyle. Now, don’t get me wrong; to be professional at work – my speak, my clothing and my overall appearance
- are of the utmost importance, especially in a corporate environment with very few other women of color in leadership positions. Confidence was never an obstacle or challenge to overcome during my natural hair journey. That one word, Confidence, let me know that the natural hair struggle is real and confidence is an issue for some women. Was the lack of confidence a self-inflicted obstacle or was it really alive in my workplace (or others) and I couldn’t see it? Why was it not an issue for me, but it was for this young lady? Could I secretly be helping other Naturalistas along in their journey just by wearing my afro and being in a leadership position? Who was paying attention to my hair and what did (or does) it mean to others? Was I “changing the game” at my workplace? At that moment, I realized that my personal natural hair journey could help to pave the way for acceptance and breaking down barriers and fears of “management not being ready for natural hair” because I am management! As these thoughts ran 17 | P a g e
Naturally Me….continued through my head, I realized that I was the only African American woman in my building in a leadership position wearing my hair in its natural state. That simple statement gave me pause. Lack of confidence is something many natural women struggle within their personal and professional lives. It can stem from coworkers, friends, family members and even your spouse or partner; they may not want you to be natural. However it’s in the professional realm that may cause women to reconsider going natural for fear of missing out on a promotion or high-profile project that will advance their career. It’s understandable given the daily challenge women of color face in having to work twice as hard to get ahead. Who wants their hair to be what might prevent them from getting a promotion? While it is important to fit in to your organization, it’s more important to fit in your own skin and be who you want to be. Is it easy to find that balance? Not for some, but if you can walk in your “inner Naturalista”, do it! It’s up to you to “change the game” and let others know that the way you wear your hair is part of your character and it adds a statement of individuality and diversity to any organization.
is a gamble they may not be ready for and that is fine; the key is to know that you could encounter a corporate culture not ready to embrace your choice. For me, my natural hair journey is mine and I am walking in it. Reflecting back on the encounter in the restroom made me think then, and it causes me to reflect now. So, wish me luck as I am being me and making bold moves for Naturalistas in Ohio and beyond! Sonya L. Moore is the Founder of ‘Nati Naturalistas, an active Cincinnati, Ohio membership- and community-based natural hair society focusing on empowerment, wellness, style and beauty for women of all ages who are currently natural, thinking of becoming natural, transitioning or caring for someone with natural hair. Feel free to join our society and learn more about ‘Nati Naturalistas www.meetup.com/nati-naturalistas/
You must also be ready to accept the challenges that may come your way as a result of honoring your Naturalista, so it’s critical that you make the best decision for you. It’s important for you to factor in the stage of life you are in as you think of your career; be comfortable with yourself and understand what could happen if your culture is not ready to embrace a strong, beautiful Naturalista walking around confidently in the workplace. For some this
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LOVING It’s Worth It!
By Charles & Traci Childress Charles: On April 21st, my wife and I will be celebrating 24 years of marriage. Among many other thoughts, that fact also brings to mind the words that Winston Churchill uttered to Britain’s House of Commons in the first year of World War II. He famously said "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat". No, marriage hasn’t been as bad as all that, in fact it’s been a very fulfilling and rewarding experience; one I would not trade. I’m just observing that, as with anything in life that’s worth having, the commitment to a permanent relationship has its difficulties, its challenges and its sacrifices. If you want to get your relationship to this point and beyond, you will have to know and embrace this fact. Keeping life, communication, romance, spontaneity and fun in your marriage beyond the blissful early stage requires it. Traci: I can affirm that the struggle was rewarding, but I also want to add that for us, the struggle wasn’t all about being at each others’ throats. The struggle was more about the outside challenges we faced while learning to understand how each other deals with stress, and making time, amid the stress, to celebrate one another. Marriage would be very uninviting if couples thought their covenant vows were locking them in to a war zone with each other. That is why I
made up my mind years ago to listen to and esteem Charles, if I hadn’t we would probably have declared “every man for himself and God for us all.” Charles: Not long after we married it became common for couples to write their own vows and in more and more wedding ceremonies we attended, this became the norm. We often heard phrases like “I can’t breathe without you”, and “I love you more than life itself” or an assortment of comments about each other’s figure, or eyes or sense of humor etc. There’s nothing wrong with these kinds of statements and hopefully everyone feels this way on their wedding day. The thing that came to my mind whenever I heard them, however, is that they are feelings, and a product of the early blissful days of marriage that don’t necessarily represent the long haul. So for instance, if in your vows you spoke of your loves’ beauty, what happens when the beauty fades and they become wrinkled? Is the vow now void? The traditional marriage vows are replete with terms like “richer or poorer”, “sickness and in health” and “til death do us part”. These statements instill a sense of responsibility, sacrifice and longsuffering that along with all the good times, represent the other side of the coin that must also be in place if a relationship is going to be able to weather the rougher seas encountered on the way to those double digit years.
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Traci:
Traci:
The thing that stands out to me, about non-traditional vows, is how much of it is retained. Did you write your own vows? Do you remember them? If we don’t remember the covenant we made, how can we really move toward honoring it? It’s in the tough times that our vows are most important to recall, that is, if we value the words we shared. We hear this idea in business; we are encouraged to write our goals and write our vision, then put it up where we can see it so when we feel like quitting we can remember our “why.” Isn’t a marriage covenant worth remembering? If you are in the double digit years like Charles and I, it’s not too late to recall your “why”, and renew your vows in the spirit of your mind.
Some say, “For all these years, it seems like all we’ve done is fight.” This may be true, but that does not negate your ability to reap the benefits from your investment of blood, sweat, and tears (as Charles put it); however, you will need to forgive the past, before you can begin to practice a forgiving attitude as you move forward. Years of limited and even bad communication can really put a toll on hope for the future, but if wedded bliss is what you want, write out the word and put it someplace to remind you what you are aiming for, and set yourself to make choices and respond in a way that will take you there…It’s Worth It.
Charles: At times you will fight, but learn from it and let it bring you closer to understanding each other. At times you will disagree, but let it pave the way to acceptable compromises. At times you will be frustrated, but let it build patience which finds love and peace in its midst. Your marriage can go the distance, but it will take a listening ear, an open mind and a forgiving attitude to be among its ingredients.
Charles & Traci Childress have been married for 23 years. They have worked together to help couples enrich their marriages for over 17 years. You can visit their website at: funinmarriage.net. To hear The Marriage Network’s open discussion with couples who are going the distance, for better or for worse, go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/boldmovers-radio/2014/03/08/findingserenity The episode is called “Heavy Love”. You can also register online for our Couples in the Kitchen Workshop scheduled for April 19th at 4p. Just go to www.FunInMarriage.net and click on “Workshops and Events”.
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages. Friedrich Nietzsche 21 | P a g e
SUPERWOMAN SANCTUARY A for Effort: My Grade for Balance By Candice Payne These last couple of months my life has been very “springy”. After such a brutal winter mentally and physically, I’ve grown excited about
the new beginnings. The spring brings excitement, optimism, and joy…which lead to me taking action. Most people see spring as a time for new opportunities and are determined to make the best of them. I am ready for growth. I am ready to finally show that I can prevail against the opposing forces. I am so done with all that depression and despair that comes along with the winter. I decided that I was not going to turn down any challenge or opportunity to help me grow or push towards my dreams and goals. This is the year I am finally taking action to pursue my passion. Blogging has allowed me to bless others by encouraging them through my writing and it’s opened other doors.
I decided this is the year to no longer neglect myself but to nurture my gifts (add my hair and eyebrows in there too). I have to push, motivate, and encourage myself the same way I push my children. I remember explaining to them my plan to take more time to myself and to do other things that may not include them (aside from emotional indulging of cookies, ice cream, or chocolate). In their minds the only businesses I have to take care of is pay bills and go to the grocery store to get snacks for their classrooms. Even though it’s our job as parents to make major sacrifices for our children, I want to help them understand that there will be times where I won’t be at their every beck and call. Being a stay at home mom has been a blessing. I’ve NEVER missed a moment in their lives. They’ve always had my full participation. I believe they are my greatest investments. So what happens when the Mommy who had no business gets some business? She tries to find balance. She feels guilt. All of that Kelly Price singing “IT’S MY TIME” is paused when one of the children needs her. We can’t deny that our children make us melt and it’s hard to say no to them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that just like there is nothing wrong with telling them “no” when you need to invest in yourself. I admit this is the hardest thing to do at first. This is why balance is so important. I’ll always be a Mom. I want to experience life as Candice 22 | P a g e
the writer/blogger and blog talk radio host. Guilt had me running through the door at 7:50pm preparing to host a show that started at 8:00pm. I couldn’t miss the Kindergarten spring concert. Baby girl was so excited about singing “You Got A Friend In Me” from the movie Toy Story. Without balance, though, you can become overwhelmed and lose the joy of doing things that matter the most (to you). People without balance will fall down, and lose their mental peace on the way down. I read a quote by Jessye Norman that said says: “Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself.” Of course I was not going to miss the Spring Concert; however I had to teach my children that they do not NEED me for everything. The older they get the more self-sufficient they become which can open up some extra free minutes for writing and planning shows. This is not promoting child neglect. It is possible to have a successful business and a nonchaotic household at least some of the time. I’m just encouraging you to give TO yourself just as much as you give OF yourself. Enjoy the choices you make. Balance it and keep it moving!
FIND YOUR BALANCE
Finding Serenity With Traci Childress Fridays at 7:00 pm CST
The BOLD MOVERS NETWORK Blogtalkradio.com/bo ld-movers-radio
"At the end of the day, my most important title is still MOM-inCHIEF." Michelle Obama Candice Payne is Blogger for the Superwoman Sanctuary and host of The Woman Cave on The BOLD Movers Radio Network.
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SEPIA STYLE
It’s Raining Style….Trench Trends We Like
The spring 2014 New York collections are shaping up to be all about ease and elegance. “We especially loved seeing cool trench coats in soft materials and colors on the runway at Jason Wu, Michael Kors and Donna Karan. “ (thezoereport.com) According to Plus Model Magazine.com, The classic trench coat has come a long way from its days of just being a simple black or khaki long jacket. It has been reinvented a few times and this spring, it comes in vibrant colors and prints. This spring is all about being bold and here’s a few trench coats in bold prints that will surely add some pop to any outfit you choose to pair it with. 24 | P a g e
SEPIA STYLE
Floral Print Belted Trench from eShakti
Striped Trench Coat from Ashley Stewart
“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Joe Brown’s Marvellous Floral Mac from Simply Be 25 | P a g e
The Main Thing Did He or Didn't He? Terri Wilson Let me start by saying these articles are designed to make you think about the subject and possibly say, “That doesn’t sound quite right and then go and research it for yourself. I often tell my Ladies Class, “Don't believe me, look it up when you get a chance and see what the Word says about it. This could very well be one of those articles for you. Ever since we were little and going to Sunday school, we were taught Jesus was crucified on Good Friday and rose on Easter Sunday and that was fine for us then, because the Easter Bunny would bring us a basket of Easter candy too. In recent years, though, there have been a few avenues of thought. There are some who think He couldn't have been crucified on Friday and rose on Sunday. They tend to base their thoughts on the passage of scripture from Matthew 12:40, taken from the King James Version, where when Jesus was asked by the Pharisees about a sign He said, “For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale's belly, so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth.” There are also those who believe time back then was not calculated like time is today and because of that, He was crucified on Friday and rose on Sunday. Though there is nothing impossible for God, there are some who believe from what He said in Matthew there was no way He could have been crucified on Friday. Now remember, we were taught they asked for His body before sundown because at sundown the Sabbath began and it was also the beginning of a high holy day, The Feast of Unleavened Bread. Okay, so let’s see. From before sundown on Friday to before sundown on Saturday is one day and before sundown on Saturday to before sundown on Sunday is two days. Oh, but wait, the Word says in Matthew, it was “towards the dawning of the first day of the week” when Mary brought spices to anoint His body and found the stone rolled away and the tomb empty. To borrow a phrase, “Things that make you go hmmmmm.” So whether or not you believe He was crucified on Wednesday, Thursday or Friday really is not important. What IS important is that He rose and to this day stands in the gap for us making intercession on our behalf. Be Blessed. Terri E. Wilson is a licensed minister, a women’s coach at her church, and author.
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This would make a great Mother’s Day Gift or to wear as you walk To Find A Cure. The shirt comes in pink and black and proceeds from the pink shirt go to the Susan B. Komen Fund for a cure. Let’s Make A BOLD Move against cancer.
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