Seren - 163 - 2000-2001 - March 2001

seren

March 2001

Inside Halls of Doom p2

BANGOR’S OFFICIAL ENGLISH-LANGUAGE ANTI-DEBT NEWSPAPER

http://seren.bangor.ac.uk

Students can’t afford Labour

Lizard News p5

Grouchy Tigger p7

Obsession p10

Demon Llama p12

Homophobia p14

THE COST OF BLAIR Bangor shows its contempt for a government that pledged to support education

T

hursday 1st March saw Wales’ first student-led national shutdown demonstration. Organised by the NUS and UCMC (NUS Wales), the event was part of a week of action, calling on students across the country to boycott lectures in protest against Labour policies that have left them heavily in debt.

Despite the wind, rain and snow, the Bangor protest saw a good turn-out. At 1pm, over three hundred students took part in a rally at the Main Arts faculty, shouting slogans and waving placards denouncing student loans and tuition fees. Representatives

from the Liberal Democrats, Plaid Cymru and the Welsh Communist Party were also in attendance, supporting the students’ protest.

SU President Mabon ap Gwynfor explained the impetus behind the action: “The abolition of grants and the introduction of the loan system ensures that a student who chooses higher education will start their working life under a huge burden of debt.” Many older students who voted in 1997 for a party promising to make education a priority feel cheated and betrayed by the average debt of £10,000 now forced onto Britain’s

three million students.

The SU Campaigns group is urging students to contact local Labour MP Betty Williams to voice their concerns, especially with a General Election on the horizon.

She can be reached by post at the Conwy Constituency Office, Station Road, Llanfairfechan LL33 0AL or by telephone on (01248) 680097. Her next surgery in Bangor will be on Friday 23rd March at the Disablement Welfare Centre on Sackville Road (opposite the Hen Glan pub): phone her office in advance for more details and to make an appointment.

SPECIAL PULL-OUT ELECTION SECTION INSIDE!

NEWS

2 SEREN March 2001

news@seren.bangor.ac.uk

St. Mary’s ‘unsafe’ Students paid R to get drunk esidential Services has been accused of “I am very concerned about electrical safety. putting students’ safety at risk following the Obviously it has health and safety implications discovery of a number of health and safety hazards at and something needs to be done,” said Ann Parry, St. Mary’s halls of residence.

Centre Manager. She promised to contact both Resident Jessica Edmonds was forced to take her John Clayton, Head of Residential Services and story to Seren after site office staff refused to take Michael Swan, Director of Estates in an attempt to her complaints seriously. Conditions in the kitchens get the situation resolved as quickly as possible. are appalling. It is equipped with only a chest freezer Neither Site Office staff nor Residential Services and a small fridge freezer: both are faulty and in con- were available for comment. travention of strict health and safety regulations. A sticker on the side of the chest freezer reveals that it failed an electrical inspection, whilst the fridge-freezer continually defrosts then re-freeze its contents, a serious health hazard leaving food inedible.

A kettle had also failed an inspection due to ‘hygiene’ problems: the inside was completely black, with limescale covering most of the element. Jessica reported a range of problems to office staff before Christmas. She was told that everything would be sorted out as soon as possible, but three months into the new term, it appeared nothing had been done.

Jessica then contacted the Union’s Student Advice and Representation Centre, UNHEALTHY LIVING? Enter at your own risk which is launching an investigation.

Nuclear plant protest

Greenpeace protestors in Bangor High Street collect petition signatures

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reenpeace has blasted British Nuclear Fuel (BNFL) for putting North Wales under threat of nuclear contamination following a decision to reopen Wylfa nuclear power station.

The controversial power plant on Anglesey, described by Bridget Woodman, Greenpeace’s Nuclear Campaign, as having “a long history of nuclear accidents” was closed down last April following the detection of defects in welding inside the reactors’ pressure vessels which contain the nuclear reactors.

Now, BNFL, who own the site, are planning to restart the reactors without fixing the damaged welds, instead making ‘interim’ modifications to them which would limit rather then prevent any radioactive leak.

“Wylfa is an old, uneconomic and dirty reactor, whose operation results in daily discharges

of radioactive pollutants into the local air and sea,” stated Bridget Woodman in a press release.

“Reopening it,” she added, “would put large areas of Wales at risk of nuclear contamination threatening people’s livelihoods. It is time it was shut down for good.”

In a demonstration held in Bangor High Street campaigner, Jonathan Lincoln urged members of the public to sign a petition to keep the station shut. He told Seren “the response so far has been very encouraging. People are seriously concerned about the power station reopening.” He urged the government to rethink its current policy on renewable energy sources, “Greenpeace, has for a long time, been pushing for off-shore wind energy. It is a clean, reliable and relatively cheap form of energy.”

BNFL were unavailable for comment.

S

tudents in Edinburgh are being paid to get pissed in a new University research program.

Forty-eight volunteers from Edinburgh University are being paid £25 each to down fourteen shots of vodka during three two-hour sessions.

The experiment is being carried out by final year psychology and pharmacology students as part of a study to investigate what effect alcohol has on concentration and memory.

Shockingly, however, the researchers have not been flooded with students looking to have a cheap and indeed profitable drinking session.

In fact, they have struggled to make up the required numbers.

Another problem for the researchers has been the validity of the experiment, which has been called into question.

But Dr Gordon Drummond of Edinburgh University’s Anaesthetics Department insisted that the experiment was serious.

“There has been a lot of goodnatured joking about this study, but it is a serious one and our results will be published,” he said.

During each session the volunteers, who must all be light to moderate drinkers, are given either a drink containing the equivalent of seven shots of vodka or a placebo containing no alcohol at all. Both drinks look identical and each volunteer is given a lozenge containing a local anaesthetic so they cannot tell whether their drink contains alcohol or not.

After consuming the drink the students then take part in a series of psychological tests to check how their brains are functioning.

The results will be used by the pharmaceutical company, Astro Zeneca, to investigate the differences in the effects of alcohol and prescrip-

tion drugs. The experiments could also be used in the fight to eliminate drink driving, as they will shed further light on how we respond under the influence of alcohol.

Dr Drummond explained what the team of researchers hoped to achieve: “We will be using doses of alcohol that make blood levels slightly higher than the legal limit for driving.”

“We have tests that then look at both the speed and the accuracy of the affected performance”.

Despite concerns about the nature of the project, two ethics committees have approved the experiment and Dr. Drummond was quick to respond to concerns: “We have written to the volunteers’ GP’s to check their suitability for the experiment.”

“We have also explained fully to the students what the experiment consists of before asking them to sign their consent”.

Most students are enthusiastic about the idea of experiments with alcohol. One first year Physics student, hard man Roger Duthie, said “if I had known that the experiment had been taking place then I’d have been the first to sign up for it. I don’t like the sound of the local anaesthetic much but the free booze and the money sound very mouth watering.”

Johnny McFarlane, a fourth year English student, added, “this experiment sounds like it could definitely have some medical benefits.”

But not all students were in favour of the research. One French student, who preferred to stay anonymous said, “This sounds like a total waste of money and time. It doesn’t surprise me at all that they struggled to make up the numbers.”

The findings of the experiment will be published in a report later this month.

This round’s on the University of Edinburgh

NEWS

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SEREN March 2001 3

Nurses can graduate N

ursing students are to be allowed to graduate following a formal representation from the NUS. Despite continuing industrial action, talks between higher education bosses and staff proved positive, with some movement towards resolving the current dispute surrounding lecturer’s pay and conditions.

At the beginning of the dispute various sanctions were discussed including withholding students’ examination marks and boycotting exam boards. The NUS has insisted from the outset that students should be allowed to continue to study and have their work assessed.

“Better pay and conditions for lecturers means a better education for students,” stated Owain James, NUS President.

TRAGIC An infected calf awaits slaughter following the epidemic of foot-and-mouth disease

Foot-and-mouth disaster for Welsh farming F

armers in North Wales had their worst nightmares confirmed last week in an outbreak of the highly contagious footand-mouth disease at an Anglesey abattoir.

Gwynedd Watkin, Farmers’ Union of Wales County Executive Officer, said that confirmation of the disease in the area had very serious repercussions for both island and mainland farms.

“Many Gwynedd farmers use land on the island,” he explained, “and we are now approaching the time when their sheep are traditionally brought home for lambing.”

Mr Watkin said that the disease, which last struck in the winter of 1967, is most rapidly spread by animal-to-animal contact but that it could also easily be carried by

traffic using roads where sheep have wandered. In an attempt to contain the disease, local authorities along with worried farmers have been placing straw soaked with disinfectant onto roads across the country.

An exclusion zone, originally set at a five-mile radius from Gaerwen (the site of the affected abattoir), has now been doubled in range.

New directions or dead ends?

T

he NUS has voiced its disappointment that top-up fees are still considered as an option when students have overwhelmingly demonstrated their opposition to them. Students are at present paying £1.5 billion more per year than in 1997. The student body is concerned that the serious issue of equal access to higher education is being ignored whilst additional fees still remain in force. The NUS has already demonstrated its opposition to top-up fees and, following recent pressure from students, the main political parties have now pledged to rule out these fees.

The NUS sees the Cubie Report

as the best option for higher education funding, and is disappointed that this is presented as a peripheral option and has been annexed in Universities UK’s (UUK) report.

This report assumes that fees have been accepted as a necessity—an axiom rejected by students and the NUS. Tuition fees currently provide a disincentive to study. The DfEE’s own research shown that a significant proportion of parents who, under assessment, are obliged to contribute to students’ fees are either unable or unwilling to pay.

The report does not favour any of the options considered, but will act as a basis for deci-

sions by individual Vice-Chancellors on which funding strategies they favour. The NUS strongly recommend that Vice-Chancellors wait for UUK’s own research into student debt before advocating a funding option.

Owain James, President of NUS complained that “the report fails to cover the inescapable issue of how a student can bear the cost of increased fee contributions on top of mounting debt —a fact acknowledged by the report itself. What is the point of increasing the funding per student and improving the learning experience if students can’t afford to benefit from it?”

Students protest against enforced poverty (see front page for story)

THINGS TO SEE AND DO

4 SEREN March 2001

RAGs to riches...

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James Brownsell, the SU’s resident RAGamuffin explains how to say “Pants!” and help others

W

e all know about Comic Relief and the great work they do. If you haven’t realised yet, Red Nose Day is on Friday 16th March. This is the first year that Comic Relief has been bilingual, so make the most of it! Many clubs, societies and sporting clubs are holding events, and the main event will be a pyjama party in Time on the Friday night. Wear your jim-jams and say pants to poverty! (See article below—Ed.) One charitable cause that you may not have heard about, however, is RAG. Bangor RAG exists to raise loads of money for local charities, while having a laugh, partying hard, drinking too much and usually chundering.

Saturday 17th March sees the kick-off of RAG week, a whole week of fun and silliness devoted to raising hard-earned cash for these noble causes. At the pier we have the annual RAG Bungee Jump, a great opportunity to experience the most fantastic feeling in the

entire world—yes, it’s even better than the-morning-after-curry-fartin-bed feeling! Trust me, I did it last year. Twice. Yes, of course, I pooped myself, but it’s close to the Tap and Spile, so there’s liquid refreshment available for those of us who need it most. This is a great thing to come and watch, even if it is from the warmth of the bar. We should have loads of people turning up, local press and all-sorts!

The rest of the week sees such great stuff as a £1,000 giveaway in Time—that’s right, you pay just £1.50, get a raffle ticket and someone walks away with £1,000.

Second place gets a dodgy LP of the RAG committee’s choice.

We are also organising “The biggest drinking competition in the world… ever!”—a chance to get your name into the Guinness book of records by downing a pint. Turn up at the pier on Tues 20th March, pay your registration fee (£4), get your free T-shirt, get your

free pint, get your free souvenir glass, and wait in line as over a thousand students descend onto Bangor pier. When the word is given, each member of the two teams will drink their pint in a sequential order. The first team to finish is the winner, and all competitors get their name in the Guinness Book of Records!

Wicked!

On Wednesday 21st March, there are two events for you to pick from—in Time, we have The Session, a fantastic bands night with the most excellent Lear, as featured on Radio 1, and the mostly excellent Charlie Brown, a local student band who rocked the Rathbone-Reichel Christmas Ball. At the Octagon we have a ‘Talentless Show’—think you can do a song or juggle? Get up and do it! Hosted by the phantasmagorical Kevin Myers, this will be a top night for anyone who likes cheesy music and public nudity!

Thursday is elections day, so go

and vote! Friday 23rd, however, is a different story… fancy something dangerous, but too scared to do a bungee? Try firewalking instead— a two hour ‘Learn or Burn’ seminar is provided, before stepping out onto 20ft of burning coals in the name of charity. £100 minimum sponsorship is required, but whoever raises the most over £300 gets a weekend for two cruise to Amsterdam!

Sponsor forms for the Bungee and the Firewalk are available from SU reception.

RAG week will only be a success if you support it. Please come to the events. Please make a donation. Please have a laugh. Please get ridiculously drunk. Please make arses of yourselves jumping off cranes or walking across coals hot enough to melt aluminium. Please email me at: rag@undeb.bangor.ac.uk if you want any more information.

Looking forward to it already…

RAG asks you to say aaaah!

Let us entertain you Chris Hirst reports on events both recent and upcoming Bedroom to Bedlam

Do you often sit in your room and wish that you could be the next Sasha? Or are you still waiting for that chance to shine, but it just hasn’t come yet? Well, Wednesday March the 14th could be the day for you or them. The Ents Committee in conjunction with Red Bull are holding an all day event looking to find the DJ talent of the future.

So what’s the catch and what do you get? During the day in Main Bar there will be open heats with contestants being given half-hour slots to perform sets, following which the best four contestants will be invited to perform at the final that evening in Time at an AU Fundraising event.

All you have to do if you want to get involved is go to reception at the Students Union and pick up a registration form, fill it in and drop it back to reception by the 11th of March. Ents will be in touch to let you know what your time slot is. Bring your mates for support/friendly criticism of your opposition (or even your own abilities) and have a go. DJs are invited to attend who specialise in any area, we are not looking for one type of music. The best DJs of the day may also be asked to join the team of DJs working in Union Venues on a weekly basis.

Comic Relief

Jukebox on Friday 16th of March certainly won’t be like any usual Friday Night in Time. Comic Relief is scheduled to land in Bangor and should certainly be a blast. Whilst after a good night you may occasionally find yourself in a heap on your bed wearing the same garments as you went out in that day, this certainly shouldn’t be a problem for Comic Relief. Yes it’s going to be a pyjama party, and the prizes for best Male and Female costumes will be tickets to the Summer Ball. The night is being organised by the Ents Committee in conjunction with RAG and the Dance Club. Attractions include an alternative presentation of Uptown Girl with the dance club and extras, a sponsored male legwax and a game of ‘Whose Pants Are They Anyway?’ Plus of course all of the music which you expect to hear on a Friday in Time.

Traffic Light Party

So where do you go on Wednesdays? Well, people didn’t on the 14th of February, with just under 600 attending the Ents Committee’s Traffic Light Party. Whilst the Octagon only managed a mere 320 people, we saw people leaving the Octagon and coming to Time—and that must be a turn up for the books!

Staging an event is always a precarious activity especially when you are going up against the Octagon’s main student night, especially on Valentine’s Day. The Ents Committee working in conjunction with Stage Crew, who organised the lighting rig (and the famous traffic lights) and the AU Dance Club, who performed three dances much to the appreciation of most of the male population of Time. There is of course one area of a night that you forget to organ-

ise, and for us that was the staffing for the Cloakroom—so it was with some relief that the SCA Cloakroom volunteers stepped into the gap.

For all of those who have had their slaves, thank you for your donation to Imperial Cancer Research; and to the people who were auctioned off, thanks for letting yourselves be sold.

seren

is proud to declare that every non-Union advert in this issue was provided thanks to

which is nothing to do with Ents. Soz.

ANALYSIS

analysis@seren.bangor.ac.uk

SEREN March 2001 5

Galapagos oil spill Karl Sadil reports on a disaster in the Pacific and examines its impact on iguanas

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wo and a half weeks into January (January 16), a tanker (‘Jessica’, owned by the company Acotramar) ran aground in Wreck Bay on San Cristobal Island in the Galapagos Islands, in the eastern Pacific Ocean.

The Galapagos Islands are 1000km west of South America, are officially protected under international conservation law as the Galapagos National Park, and are an offshore territory of Ecuador. Many islands in the Galapagos group are uninhabited, but a strong local, regional and international effort swung into place almost immediately. Unfortunately, the unseaworthy vessel soon broke up under fierce waves and against sharp rocks, and although much of the oil was pumped out of the hold during the rescue operation, a considerable amount of the 240,000-gallon oil consignment remained in the ship and was discharged as the ship’s hull finally disintegrated completely.

The Jessica was carrying 160,000 gallons of diesel and 80,000 gallons of bunker fuel from Guayaquil in Ecuador to the fuel depot on Baltra Island and also to the tourist ship Galapagos Explorer. The shores in the Galapagos feature sharp jagged rocks in many places, so the Jessica suffered a hull breach in several locations. The captain of the vessel, unconnected with the owners according to international shipping law as regards responsibility for seaworthiness certificates, remained on board and worked to assist the rescue attempts. After several days without sleep he was taken off the vessel, and was placed in custody.

He was investigated for responsibility for the disaster, and due to fatigue collapsed in court and was taken to hospital. It remains to be seen what the final verdict is on who

is to blame – the captain assisted the efforts to minimise the spill, yet he could have refused to take command of an unseaworthy vessel.

However, it still appears it was due to crew error that the tanker ran aground.

The first oil discharged from the stricken vessel into the sea was part of the bunker fuel that had been intended for the Galapagos Explorer’s fuel tanks. Most of the oil spill was mopped up later by pumping

Eating poisoned seaweed could kill iguanas or mutate their young. vessels, or drifted away from the islands by the wind and currents.

Five of the major islands in the Galapagos group have been affected by the oil spill. Numbers of oiled creatures found on beaches are slowly falling, but it may take time to assess the full impact and scale of the disaster. The Charles Darwin Foundation (CDF) for the Galapagos Islands has launched an Appeal Website at http://www.darwinfoundation.org/ and seeks donations to help save the wildlife of the islands. A society called Friends of The Galapagos exists, and for more details or for information on the Galapagos Conservation Trust and Galapagos National Park, see the CDF website.

The CDF and Galapagos Conservation are fundraising in order to be able to finance this work and any future clean-up and monitoring operations. It is likely to be a longterm project requiring sustained international effort.

The Galapagos are volcanic islands with rocky coasts and green (forest and grass) interiors and contain many interesting species that have evolved over thousands of years, including finches, land and marine iguanas, seagoing birds, giant tortoises, small lizards, and strange plants. This article looks at one species and sees what effect the spill has had on its populations.

The marine iguana has been selected because, unlike the land iguana that eats cactus, it lives on the shoreline of the islands and is therefore a potential victim of oil spills. It is also unusual, unique and rare. Much about it is not known and it is already a threatened species. They eat seaweed and dive into the sea to find it, and when they are cold they crawl onto rocks and use the sun’s warmth to reheat themselves. If they overheat they swim again. Usually, under normal conditions, the main threats to iguanas are dogs (they kill young), rats and pigs (which eat eggs), and humans (who kill iguanas for the hell of it!).

Mild climate changes affect iguanas as they only live in a narrow temperature and geographical range.

The most interesting thing about marine iguanas is a hypothesis that is still unconfirmed. Iguanas supposedly shrink when the climate is altered, when there are too many iguanas, or when there is too little food. Just before the oil spill, scientists were due to return to the Galapagos with a portable X-ray machine to take to the beaches. The spill has meant all such experiments have been put on hold.

The iguanas are rare on some islands and more common on other islands. Already marine iguanas have been affected, and some have been found covered in oil.

Iguanas happily going about their business Threats other than direct contact with the oil are the same as general threats because the marine iguanas eat only plant matter, and if the sites where they feed have been affected by oil pollution (or are affected by other causes) the seaweed does not grow [or is poisoned]. Without the seaweed sites, the iguanas starve, as they have a restricted diet. Eating poisoned seaweed could kill iguanas or mutate their young, or possibly render them infertile – the effects are unknown. The rocks they bathe on may have been contaminated with oil. Oil damages the usually tough skins of

the iguanas, which can normally resist abrasive rocks, pounding surf, claws, and grit, and heat. If they don’t die from the result of being covered in oil, the skin’s resistance to the sun can be impaired and after the animal recovers from the oil it may well shrivel and die from the sun’s heat.

If the nasal gland is blocked the iguana could die from an inability to remove salt from its drinking water, resulting in salt poisoning.

Please consider donating to CDF’s appeal, at their website, and/or joining their campaign to save the marine iguanas and other oiled wildlife on the Galapagos coasts.

Protest Demonstration against the Illisu Dam

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here was a recent demonstration at the Trywerin dam and reservoir near Bala, which was constructed by Balfour Beatty and changed the landscape by submerging villages and churches.

MPs, environmentalists and philosophers (including George Monbiot) spoke at the rally, which was organised by a coalition of groups including Illisu Dam Campaign Cymru and People and Planet. A minibus-load of protesters came from Bangor. There were no arrests.

Balfour Beatty are the contractors overseeing the construction of the Illisu Dam at the Tigris river in southeastern Turkey. 25,000 people, mostly Kurds and some Armenians and others, will be forcibly resettled, and 11,000 others will be adversely affected. Turkey, a member of NATO and considering EU membership, is pursuing a policy of ethnic cleansing against the Kurds. The Turkish army have displaced 3 million people, killed over 30,000 Kurds, destroyed 3,000 villages, and

raped and tortured many people.

Abdullah Ocalan, PKK leader, was jailed and sentenced to death.

Kurdish is a banned language, and it is illegal to campaign for Kurdish rights. The European Court of Human Rights has condemned Turkey for its actions. The dam will prevent floods, essential for maintaining ecosystems and agriculture. It will increase waterborne diseases such as malaria, and sewage and toxic waste dumping will make the reservoir a major health hazard. It will

monopolise water in the region, raising the likelihood of ‘water wars’ with Syria and Iraq. Turkey should use energy conservation and solar power: Turkey receives 11,000 times the sunlight it would require to power the country.

Mark Thomas, the Kurdish Human Rights Project, The Cornerhouse, and Friends of the Earth started UK action and the Illisu dam campaign. For more information on the campaign, see: h t t p : / / w w w. i l l i s u . o r g . u k / illisu@gn.apc.org, raoulb@foe.co.uk

CULTURE

6 SEREN March 2001

Literally the best W

elcome to the fantastic books section of Seren, those of you who aren’t sick to the back teeth of them already.

As the editor of this page, I’m always happy to receive any contributions from any aspiring student writers. If anyone wants to be a part of this page—perhaps you’ve really loved a book (it doesn’t have to have been recently published) and want to rave about it—email Jasmine at culture@seren.bangor.co.uk.

Similarly, I’m thinking of having a poetry corner, where people can submit their own poems for everyone to enjoy, as long as they’re good! Send me your poems at the same address and you may get to see them in print.

Anyway, this month we have a review of the muchlauded memoir by Lorna Sage, Bad Blood, plus two play reviews I’m sure I never commissioned.

Oh well. Enjoy!

Bad Blood by Lorna Sage T

his autobiography has received a lot of attention and praise recently. It was a close runner-up in the Whitbread book of the year award, having won the biography category earlier. Unfortunately, the author died in January this year, giving a perhaps more sombre edge to the work.

Bad Blood tells the story of three generations of Lorna Sage’s family—the marriages of her grandparents, her parents and her own marriage at the age of 16. Her grandfather was a vicar who had a number of affairs, including a relationship with her mother’s 17 year old friend. His wife hated him, and during one argument, when he was drunk yet again, sliced his cheek with a carving knife. Sage’s parent’s marriage was more stable. Apparently the ‘bad blood’ of her grandfather had skipped a generation, only to resurface in their daughter Lorna. Sage describes herself during her teens as an intelligent girl who came top in exams and read voraciously. Her precocity stretched to other areas, and before she knew it, she was pregnant and unmarried at the age of 16 in a intolerant rural town during the 1950s. The determination to overcome problems set in her way is amazing—Sage revised for her A Levels

through her pregnancy and gave birth only weeks before the exams commenced. She and her husband (only a year older than her) then managed to get to university.

Although this autobiography is relatively short, at under 300 pages, Sage manages to pack in a lot of life. The book is as much about the rest of her family as it is about herself. It also shows to those who didn’t live in the 40s and 50s a view of the country town, expansion of new housing estates, and, of course, teenage pregnancy. In such a densely-packed text there are inevitably parts that could have been expanded. Some of the effects of Sage’s pregnancy are shown, such as her treatment at hospital and her parents’ reaction, yet others, such as the reaction of her friends and other members of the community are absent. Some reactions to the book seem a little overblown, dwelling on the hardness and difficulties of Sage’s life. The fact remains that Sage had the opportunities to do what she wanted, which a lot of young mothers in her position wouldn’t have had. Also, her parents were eventually supportive of her, looking after their new grand-

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with

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daughter whilst Sage was at university. However, this book is beautifully written and humorous, dealing with a number of issues, and ultimately deserves all the praise it has received.

Culture schlock And so to BEDS Popcorn, performed by Rostra in the Lloyd Building Theatre on 15th-17th February

Find Me, performed by BEDS in the John Phillips Hall on 23rd-24th February

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W

ostra have been busy bunnies this academic year. Their relentless run of performances in the Lloyd Building continued on the 15th to 17th of February with a production of Ben Elton’s Popcorn. Taking a play straight from major theatres to the Lloyd Building was a slightly ambitious move on the part of director Frankie O’Dowd, but the choice of play itself was even more ambitious. For the most part, especially the first act, this ambition paid off well, but it still had some fatal flaws.

All the principal characters, for those not acquainted with this play, are American. Which is fine, but all the actors in this production were not American. Most held their accents admirably throughout, but few were perfect, many of them rushing their lines a little and not speaking clearly enough. Still, this is a minor pitfall of performing a play that demands such a lot from the actors. On the whole, the performances were very good. Ian Fallon in particular stood out in the part of Bruce Delamitri, managing to maintain a credible accent and act very convincingly.

Kirsty Harrison was also very good as Scout (a Natural Born Killers-esque performance that would have made Juliette Lewis proud).

Although at times making that common mistake of rushing her lines, her portrayal of the ‘little, naive psychotic’ Scout was extremely convincing. Christina Stannard as Farrah Delamitri was an excellent bit of comic relief. Her performance as the shallow harpy of an ex-

wife was a joy. The only thing that let her down was the final scene, where she missed the opportunity to really act up. Clare Lewis was well cast in the part of Velvet Delamitri, the pouting spoilt daughter of the Hollywood director, but sometimes her acting felt as if she was too bored to put much into the part.

It’s a shame, because with a little extra sparkle, she could have really left an impression.

Carina Girvan and James Dawson, although only given smaller roles, were both very good, adding little touches that were subtle yet effective. The main problem with the casting was not the fault of the director, as Jed Brookes was called in at the last minute to portray the second male lead, Wayne. His acting was good, but his lack of professionalism on the Friday night was appalling. Every actor forgets lines, but no actor should make it so blatant.

The set was surprisingly well constructed and, on the whole, it was an impressive performance. However, the rushed timescale and bold choice of play made this a lesser production than it should have been. Fans of Ben Elton would have enjoyed it, no doubt, but to the casual theatregoer the script felt preachy and soon lost its humour. The struggle between drama and wit was well managed in this production, but even with the best director, it would never seem quite right.

Perhaps this play was let down by the fact that it was a little over-ambitious.

Lola Kidney

ell done to all the first year English students who have, pardon the pun, unfolded BEDS. Bangor has a wealth of talent, but up until now Rostra and SODA were the only outlets, which left those not wanting to ‘do’ comedy or sing rather uncatered for. With BEDS, Bangor now has a third paradigm in its dramatic efforts.

This play is an interweaving of snapshots of Verity’s life, with her family and careers, and how this leads up to her committal to Broadmoor. The writer wanted in the original script to use thirty-three different actors for the play, but-all praise to BEDS-they used a more bearable seven.

The staging involved minimal props and no set, and the actors all remained on stage, very effectively showing how all the factors in Verity’s life never left her even though she was for many months separated from them in psychiatric hospitals.

However the way the actors walked off and on at the beginning, interval and the end caused too much of a gap. It would have worked better had they suddenly reappeared and disappeared.

BEDS gave a bold and confident performance of Find Me. It appeared, however, that they never really knew how to portray the central character, since there seemed to be little coherence to how she was played. Each character in the play is swapped around amongst the actors,

A bold and confident performance ... for a first production they should be commended. adding to the sense of the confusion of those around Verity, who suffers from an undisclosed or diagnosed mental problem. The portrayal of Verity by the four actresses who interchanged throughout the play veered from comically manic to desperately confused and alone. If this was done for dramatic effect it didn’t quite come off; it seemed to be more to be a lack of agreement as to how all the actresses were going to portray her, this was certainly somewhat confusing. There was however quite effective use of hitting their thighs with the heel of their hands as a recognisable trait of a person with mental issues and to let the audience know who was now Verity.

BEDS tackled a difficult and uncomfortable subject with compassion and seriousness, and for a first production they should be commended. We wait expectantly for the next play; perhaps, and to quote the director, it will be a little less “weird.”

Frankie O’Dowd

MOVIES

movies@seren.bangor.ac.uk

SEREN March 2001 7

All the right movies G

reetings and general welcoming type banter. Yes, I know it’s a surprise to see another edition of Seren arrive so promptly, but just deal with it, OK? Since we last spoke, the Oscar noms have been announced and both the BAFTA and Empire movie awards have strutted their funky stuff. No really surprising results, apart from Jamie Bell’s BAFTA victory, but I’m OK with that.

I thought I might gently muse about all these rumours we’ve been hearing about the casting of the next James Bond. Latest press off the holy rumour mill was that the next film will once again star Pierce Brosnan, may be called Beyond The Ice, and might just feature Kevin Spacey as a villain. However, since a rather flippant magazine interview, the name of Miss Catherine Zeta Jones has been linked to the role of Bond baddie. Bizarre? Yes. Publicity stunt? Very probably. Also a bit dodgy, as Jones would be rather crap in the role. Why is nobody suggesting Jude Law? He’d be fab! Give the chap a couple of years to olden up his young little face and he’d be spot on British suave. Christian Bale of American Psycho fame would be great as well. Give these guys a chance!

Of course, they might turn their noses up at such a nostalgic, formulaic series, but they’d be missing the point. Don’t mention George Lazemby to ‘em neither.

Also, hope you caught Memento (sounds like some kind of weird illness), I did, and I am now laughing/ crying at the inadequacy of all you gentlefolk who missed it. Losers.

Anyway, hope you like the section this month. We have a couple of new features for your student viewing pleasure, hope you enjoy.

‘Obsessions’ is open to all, so send me your version of events if you wish. What film do you luuuurve to an unhealthy degree? And we’re talking role-play society unhealthy here. If none of you geniuses write in, I’ll just have to do my own one, and you don’t want that do you?

As they say, think of the children.

I’m off to Sheffield this weekend. I’ll be relaxing, grooving and catching Crouching Tiger: see my review on this page and marvel at the wonders of modern communications technology.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to call Games Editor Dan Hartley a Big Silly Ass. Dan, Analysis Section, two minutes. Let the slaughter begin.

Chris Chapman

Lispian crouch Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, finally showing at the Plaza Cinema

A

h... Kung Fu, my dearest cinematic friend. Mr. Myagi taught me how to apply both wax and paint. Jackie taught me that slapstick high jinks achieve greater laughs via the use of extreme violence. Bruce taught me that homicidal brutality was OK if your victim had first dishonoured your family and (just to make your vengeance nice and kosher) maybe a Shao-Lin temple. And Keanu, well, he taught me how a couple of wires and some CGI trickery can make even Hollywood’s most blatant dumb ass look... well... kinda cool.

So the prospect of Ang Lee’s Crouching Tiger... proved to be rather drool-inspiring. Mix modern SFX with old school Kung Fu movie, add middling genius director Ang Lee and stir vigorously in a ChowYun Fat sauce. Mmmm. Sadly, I was soon to taste the sour yet strangely nutty flavour of disappointment.

The plot concerns Chinese girl Jen, and the attempts of Michelle Yeoh (Tomorrow Never Dies) and Chow-Yun Fat to set her on the martial arts straight and narrow.

Stalking around this plot is a juicy romantic longing undertone between Yeoh and Fat, and a nasty old Kung Fu hag known as Jade Fox (a refreshingly EVIL baddie with no

discernable motive other than general EVIL).

The biggest disappointment about Crouching Tiger... is its narrative. The story and structure are as weak as newborn puppies. It rests almost solely on the heads of the characters, and though these heads

before Neo even came close.

The choreography here is astounding, the fights resembling lightning-fast super-cool dances of death. In many ways they are more impressive than The Matrix’s power fisticuffs (there are even one or two obvious nods in style—one

Full of beat-‘em-up excitement, but little in the way of adult titillation are strong, they are not tough enough to carry the narrative. The argument against this would be that this is the Chinese style, and intentional preference of abstract over solid drive, but this aping simply does not make for an intelligent movie. There is very little depth here beyond the visuals and some mild character development.

However, the fight scenes are predictably superb. Again, they are presented in the style of Chinese film lore, so you just have to accept that an average bar room brawl involves a fair bit of imaginative gravity defiance. It reinforces the impression that the whole population of China is not only Kung Fu experts but also seem to have learned the truth about the Matrix

armed fighting, anyone?), though they lack a certain edge of real danger. However, they are nonetheless some of the most impressively-staged action sequences this reviewer has ever witnessed. The initial night-time chase/scrap is frankly more exciting than the prospect of free beer for a year, and as Yeoh sprints along the side of a vertical wall you momentarily find yourself falling head over heels in love with this kinetic eye-feast.

Sadly, the rest of the film suffers by comparison. We have to plod through often awful dialogue (“Father! Let me avenge my mother’s death!”), a hideously overlong middle flashback (Jen in flirty desert lust romp!), and a whole caboodle of unlikely character history (“Ah,

I’ve not yet had chance to revenge my father’s murder on her!”) in desperate search of another ruck.

It also lapses into sheer silliness from time to time. Jen and Fat’s treetop battle would scare an Ewok silly, whilst the complete inefficiency of projectile weapons become rather annoying, as flying darts are nimbly plucked from the air on a dubiously regular basis.

It is only at the end that we get something to think about, Lee giving us an impressively poignant conclusion, but sadly one with little to do with the rest of the film.

Much respect is due to Lee for all the film’s Hollywood-bothering success and the genre supremacy of his fight scenes (it requires only an Ed Norton ‘beat myself up’ scene to be complete). It’s just a pity that by adopting his homelands style to such an extent, he sacrifices the meaning and depth of his movie considering how thoughtful his Ice Storm was. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon leaves you with a playground mentality full of beat-’em-up excitement, but little in the way of any adult titillation.

You disagree? Well, graffiti my Shao-Lin temple and we can legitimately take this discussion outside. HHHII

MOVIES

8 SEREN March 2001

movies@seren.bangor.ac.uk

Llama/farmer karma drama The Emperor’s New Groove, probably still showing at the Plaza Cinema

U

nusually for a student, I managed to drag myself out of bed before mid-day on a dingy Saturday to approach the cinema.

Once inside, I found myself surrounded and besieged by a frantic hoard of under-tens, but as the Disney logo appeared on the screen, I reassured myself that I had made the right choice.

Twenty minutes in, I was starting to wonder.

The basic plot goes something like this: The young, selfish Emperor Kuzco fires his advisor Yzma (a nasty withered old crone, strangely reminiscent of Cruella DeVille) who seeks her revenge. Plotting his death by poison, she invites him to a meal and slips the potion into his drink. However, instead of dying, he turns into a llama. Yes, you did read it right… a llama. He is then mistakenly kidnapped by upstanding Pacho the peasant (voiced by John Goodman). Overcoming his distaste of the Emperor’s uncaring reign, Pacho must help Kuzco out. Kuzco must rub shoulder’s with the peasants he has previously thought of as scum, and—you guessed it—learn a couple

of important moral lessons, defeat the evil baddies etc, etc. Okay, so it’s not too original, but come on, it’s a llama!

The trailer inspired me so much that for four months my social group resounded with shouts of “changed into a llama!” and “we MUST see it!” However, much to my annoyance, I discovered that most of the film’s high points are shown on the trailer. Don’t get me wrong, its not that the rest of it is rubbish, just that it’s all a bit… average.

The storyline is run-of-the-mill Disney staple, whilst the animation—despite a couple of good points—is hardly revolutionary.

There are some good ideas though: Riverdancing guards (Michael Flatley eat your heart out!); an exceedingly short cartoon Tom Jones (including ginger afro!); a pump action devil trident (clickclick!); and a very very cute baby jaguar (miaooww!). However, Disney’s wildlife research has obviously been a tad shoddy, as the jaguars end up looking far more like nasty black panthers. Do Disney dislike jags or what? All credit to them though for including Pacho’s heavily pregnant wife—a first for

INTO THE GROOVE: Reaction shot from the infamous Vicky Parry striptease scene a Disney cartoon I do believe!

One thing that annoyed me was the film’s lack of relevance to its own title; okay, so Kuzco changes his selfish ways, hence his new groove, but he only gets jiggy for the first ten minutes, then… no more dancing! I wanted more groove! And, there’s a distinct

lack of music. Dammit, I watch a Disney, I expect a memorably funky soundtrack, not just one song! But although I’m griping, I did enjoy it. It has its moments, and it did make me laugh on a number of occasions. Pretty groovy. HHHII Christina Stannard, M.D.

Elephantine

Hannibal, until recently at the Plaza Cinema

A

s he surveyed the army of mutant pigs his minions had created, Davros let out a malevolent cackle. He manoeuvred his hi-tech wheelchair into position, ready to watch the slaughter.

Finally his nemesis, the Doctor would be eliminated. He raised his deformed head to the sky, sickly mouth opening, near useless hand slowly clenching, he screamed: ‘DOCTOR, YOU ARE DOOMED!’ OK, well, maybe a few liberties have been taken with that plot synopsis. Let’s try again shall we?

Hannibal begins ten years after the events of Silence of the Lambs.

Lecter (BIG Tony Hopkins) is still havin’ it laaarge in Europe, away from those pesky no-fun Feds; mixing with the cultural elite and enjoying a tender snack from time to time, just as we knew he

would. Clarice has kept on with that catching criminals lark, only stopping, rather oddly, to change her Jodie Foster-styled face. Miss Julianne Moore now has control of the role, not imitating but still copying Foster. The plot is pretty basic, with jaded Italian cop Pazzi (Giancarlo Giannini) locating Lecter and helping the cannibal’s arch enemy Mason Verger (Gary Oldman) to wreak his gruesome revenge. Starling is assigned to recapture Lecter, and is forced to keep her old adversary out of Verger’s nasty grasp.

One of the most interesting and rewarding things about Silence of the Lambs was that despite possessing two excellently-portrayed villains, it still managed to focus itself very squarely on Clarice Starling. Silence was her story.

Dwarfed by talk of fava beans

and skin removals, this factor is often forgotten. If Hannibal does anything, it reminds us how important Clarice’s role was. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a Foster vs. Moore point, the latter is just as good an actress, but Clarice is sidelined throughout Hannibal.

We are lazily given one or two references to her dad early on, but for the most part she is just showered in genre clichés: The raid goes pear shaped, man down, she blames herself; an old flame detective tries to mess her about; and worst of all, she gets a ‘give me your badge, Clarice’ scene.

You almost expect to hear the ominous tones of “the truth? You can’t handle the truth!”

So this lack of Starling allows Hannibal himself to take over proceedings. You might think this would be a good thing, considering how much camp evil Hopkins provided in the last film. However, although he’s better than he’s been in years, Tony just looks like he’s showing off, overdoing the overacting, heightening the ham. His character worked well

in Silence because of the episodic nature of his behind glass appearances: we’d descend into the darkened FBI basement, pass by the other maniacs, knowing that the worst was yet to come.

Here, with Hannibal just roaming randomly, we never get a real feeling of suspense about his character. We never see any deeper into his persona, and this is perhaps the most annoying of Hannibal’s problems.

This is a beautiful film, though.

Scott, at least as a visual director, continues his Gladiator return to form after ten years of shite. On the ‘good stuff ’ front, Giannini is excellent as the cop on Lecter’s bloody trail: he adds a great sense of realism (something distinctly lacking in Hopkins ham and Moore impersonations). As a result of these splendid efforts, his section of the film is by far the most intriguing and impressive, and is helped by its lack of reliance on what has come before. Oldman returns to his villain shoes (something the lying git swore he would never do again), and turns in an enjoyably evil performance as Verger, totally unrecognisable and absent from

the credits to avoid that ‘Gary’s doing evil again, yawn’ factor.

The biggest problems rest on the script. The lack of substance here is always obvious, and although nice looking visuals are a distraction, they are not a substitute. The first hour and a half is just a slow, sometimes dull build-up towards a massively overblown finale that fails to deliver.

There are also a number of jarring plot discrepancies—for example, why exactly does Verger’s butler do what he does? (If you’ve seen it, you’ll understand what I’m getting at.) And the killer pigs look great but are totally underused, as the film brings them in, and then hurries to remove them from the plot.

Overall, you are left with the sense of something far greater hanging intriguingly in the air, avoiding the film’s sweeping need to impress, something that we sadly never catch full sight of. As Hannibal’s finest set piece shows (Lecter hanging Pazzi out to dry with his intestines on the outside), there are definitely some juicy morsels here—just not enough to constitute a satisfying meal. HHHII

MOVIES

movies@seren.bangor.ac.uk

Take that, Matt Damon

SEREN March 2001 9

EMB offers an insight into Clerks: The Animated Series, available on import DVD and video

SNOOCH: Why the Hell do they call him Silent Bob anyway?

I

n 1994 a new filmmaker burst onto the scene with a groundbreaking movie of epic proportions. Okay that’s something of an exaggeration. Kevin Smith made Clerks for around $20,000, drafting in his mates to play all of the parts and filming after hours at the convenience store that he worked at. It was black and white and was filled with the kind of continuity errors that can only be expected from this kind of half-arsed, low budget, ‘let’s-do-the-show-right-here’ piece of shit movie. But this film rocked.

Rocked hard. Sure, the visual style lacked a certain something (like

visual style), and the film had no kind of meaning or moral, but it was comic genius. The kind of sparkling slacker wit that twentysomethings the world over could instantly latch onto, thrown in with some drug dealing, rooftop hockey and enough Star Wars references to make George Lucas wish he had never been born, made this a film that the festivals had no choice but to take notice of. And they did. Clerks won the Young Cinema Award at Cannes, the Audience Award at Deauville and the Filmmakers Trophy at Sundance. Not too shabby a debut for a comics

fan from New Jersey.

Fans are, of course, waiting patiently for his fifth venture, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, currently in production and slated for a US release in the autumn.

But here to tide us over is the release of Clerks: The Animated Series.

C:TAS was bought as a format by the mighty ABC network. The tragedy, it would appear, is that none of the executives had seen the movie. So, while they started out dead keen on the idea, ABC slowly begun to feel that they had made a mistake. The bad language of the movie is gone, and Jay & Silent Bob are no longer drug dealers, just cheeky mischief-makers. Oh dear, purists won’t be happy.

C:TAS was put back till the summer schedule, which is the kiss of death for any new show, and View Askew (Smith’s production company) began to realise that they were about to be fucked. Hard. Probably without their consent. In the arse.

Sure enough, the ratings were less than good. The shows them-

selves were not put on in the intended order, and after two episodes—let me just repeat that, TWO EPISODES—C:TAS was axed.

Bad news for any future series.

View Askew bought back the series and have released it onto the innocent buying public.

The DVD version arrives in an impressive two-disc box boasting features by the truckload: all six episodes, uncut, plus commentaries from the stars, writers, director and producer, trailers, animatics and lovely animated menus (a must for all DVDs). But is it really any cop?

In a word, yes. In more words, this is by far the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. Stuffed with gags, dialogue that you’ll be quoting for weeks, self-reference, pop culture references and groovy animation, this is top-class entertainment for anyone who has a sense of humour and likes cartoons. And you don’t need to have seen the film to understand what’s going on—a plus for the uneducated out there. There are cameos from the likes of Alec Baldwin and James Woods—a bit Simpsons, but really good—and totally off the wall

plot twists, like the end of episode four where, for no apparent reason it just becomes the best Japanimation spoof ever.

To be brutally frank, the arseholes at ABC who couldn’t see beyond their balance sheets and had this thing cancelled to show reruns—let me just repeat that, RERUNS—of Home Improvement deserve to be rounded up and forced to watch this brilliant series, just so they know what they missed out on, before they are flayed alive and salt rubbed into their wounds.

But there is a drawback: be warned, this is for die-hard fans only. Not because it isn’t good, ‘cos it is, but because it’s only available in the States at the moment. So, unless you have a multi-region DVD player or a VCR that can cope with the insanity of the NTSC standard rather than our own friendly PAL format, this isn’t gonna help you.

Find a friend with a DVD player and bug them to buy it. HHHHH plus an extra H for the fat guy in a Hawaiian shirt, flanked by bikini babes, huge cocktail in hand, who appears at the end of each episode to thank us for watching the show.

Slaughter of the innocents Cherry Falls, available to rent from Albin’s Video

I

n Cherry Falls, Virginia, the high school studes have a problem. A killer is tracking down kids and dispatching them in nasty and painful ways. But get this… he only kills virgins. He’d have a bloody tough job at my old school, I can tell you.

But the innocence and virtue of youth still hold for 18-year-old Judy Miller (Brittney Murphy), who dices with death by refusing to consummate her year-long relationship with boyfriend Kenny. Judy is the daughter of the local sheriff (Michael Biehn of Terminator, Aliens etc.) Their relationship carries a slightly eerie flirty undertone, and I’m pretty sure it’s not meant to be there. It scared me.

Judy’s Mom (Candy Clark) is a slightly doo-lally woman who seems to dislike her life but not a little drink of an evening. Basically, she’s a lush.

Between her parents and her boyfriend Kenny (who seems very pleased to see Judy’s Mom—I assume that was a banana in his pocket), Judy doesn’t have many people she can trust. Luckily, she has a cool T. S. Eliot-quoting English teacher in the yummyscrummy shape of Jay Mohr to confide in.

The film opens with a ten minute

sequence that could have been ripped out of any teen slasher movie of recent years— but don’t run for the hills just yet, because the high-concept twist that follows keeps you entertained, at least for a while. It’s a nicely written little film, with some good one-liners, and some real ‘scare-me-crapless’ moments. The proceedings are well acted (especially from Murphey, a little smasher whom you may well remember from Clueless) and it doesn’t pretend to be anything more than a cheap slasher flick.

But still, it was directed by Romper Stomper’s Geoffrey Wright, and at least based on that it isn’t nearly violent enough (apart from a wonderful confrontation between the masked psycho and Judy in the science lab, where big a plastic shark comes in a lot more useful than it ever did in Jaws).

Regrettably, it all falls down into a ‘last ten minutes, better wind it up quick!’ farce, which includes a big axe, loads of blood and a room full of people going “What… the…?” You may find yourself daydreaming away from the action, but you’ll also be muttering ‘that was fun’ as the credits roll.

It was far better than I thought it would be, but unfortunately not nearly good enough

GRAMMARIAN, RELISH DEATH: Sound advice from Which Mobile Phone? to watch again.

So the blood drenched moral is, watch it if your mates have done the renting, but try not to splash out yourself. Unless you’re a huge Jay Mohr fan, like me. Oh,

and there’s a cameo from Ashley out of USA High. Whom no one else knows, cos nobody watches it… but if you do, she’s in there. Promise.

HHHII

Kirsty Harrison, RUN-D.M.C.

MOVIES

10 SEREN March 2001

movies@seren.bangor.ac.uk

OBSESSION

A frightening journey into the minds of people who love their movies to an unhealthy degree...

Bust #1: Ghostbusters (1984) T here are some scenes throughout movie history that are timeless, classic and breathtaking. Film critics will point to the ending of Casablanca, the shower scene in Psycho, or the mirror scene in Taxi Driver. For me, though, all of these undoubtedly fine cinematic moments pale in comparison to this one epochal celluloid epiphany: the appearance of the towering Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man in Ivan Reitman’s 1984 masterpiece, Ghostbusters.

So why is this film so ace, and, in my case, so life-changing? Well, first, a summary, for those who have yet to experience and bear witness to one of the greatest films ever made. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray, in his finest ever performance), Ray Stantz (Dan Ackroyd) and Egon Spengler (Harold Ramis, who co-wrote the film with Ackroyd) are fired from their jobs as university lecturers and researchers into paranormal activity, and decide to go to business as ghost hunters. They become aware of an approach-

ing apocalyptic event, which seems to be centred around possessed lovely Dana Barret (Sigourney Weaver).

When the film was released in 1984, I was five years old. Though I can’t remember exactly, I’m pretty sure I saw it the year it came out, and so was far too young to appreciate Murray’s endless stream of one-liners or some of the more ‘adult’ humour in the movie. What captured my young imagination, however, were the ghosts and monsters in the film.

Yeah, they were scary—that’s why they were so fun. Besides, no ghosts could get me because I had the Ghostbusters, on my side, not to mention He-Man and Luke Skywalker (okay, so the enemy had Darth Vader and that snake from The Jungle Book, but I was confident of eventual victory).

The result of my early experience of Ghostbusters has been a life-long fascination with the horror genre and an enduring aversion to marshmallows. Okay, so they’re not exactly earth-shattering

HANDY REMINDER: Next time someone asks you if you’re a god, you say yes. changes to a boy’s life, but they’re kind of important to me.

Watching the film for the first time in ages last year, I found myself reacting quite oddly. The theme music had a similar effect to the Stars Wars theme on my twentysomething mind: it made feel like a five year old again, watching the film in a Rotherham cinema, a little uneasy but in awe of what was happening on screen. I watched the sequel and the cartoon series, read the comics and played with the action figures, until, eventually,

Slimer, the Marshmallow Man and the ‘busters themselves would be replaced

by Dracula, Frankenstein’s Monster and Regan from The Exorcist as my favourite villans/anti-heros.

In retrospect, Ghostbusters is a classic.

I probably find it funnier now than I ever did when I was younger, and though its power to scare has diminished, I still love it. All together now “When there’s something strange/In your neighbourhood/ Who ya gonna call...?”

Daniel Hartley

No, not that, you muff!

Snatch, available to rent from Albin’s video

A

fter the success and acclaim that Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels received, there was a lot of pressure on director Guy Ritchie to come up with the goods. The question was how would he follow such a tough act?

So how does Snatch compare?

We have some… interesting casting decisions for one, including the frankly genius inclusion of Mike ‘Frank Butcher’ Reid. His performance is good, but you are still always expecting him to holler, in his inimitable forty-a-day croak, ‘Paaaaaaaat’. And then of course, you have Vinnie Jones, putting in another surprisingly good appearance. With a slightly larger role to play, the boy does good in the disgruntled hard man niche he seems to be carving for himself.

On the plot side of things, don’t expect The Big Sleep. We are once again thrown into the seedy world that Lock, Stock inhabited, this time with added boxing, diamond theft, killer pigs and Brad Pitt-resembling gipsies. However, there is a distinct feeling that rather than an original idea for a film, Snatch

is an idea built around opportunities for witty one-liners and cool sequences. Things get worse as it is in this area that the film starts to falter. There are no quotable lines, despite (maybe because of) the desperate attempts to make the dialogue funny and memorable. The entire effortless cool has been turned into a laborious struggle for credibility.

Snatch falls uncomfortably between two stools: The straight up fun and energy of Lock, Stock, and the artistic, adult world of the art house cinema. Ritchie seems to be subjecting the audience to his own experiment in ‘serious’ film making, but with a film as fun seeking as Snatch, any poignancy and clever-clever techniques seem completely misplaced. Obscure camera angles and allegorical sequences should not share a screen with characters can’t even pronounce or understand those words.

Overall, the film had a lot of potential. There are some decent scenes, and when it wasn’t getting bogged down in its own pretensions, it managed to pull off a gag

DIAMOND GEEZERS They’re happy because they’re in Snatch or two. It also makes a nice change from the unending stream of madeto-measure blockbusters that Hollywood spews forth so relentlessly.

Sadly though, it is a mere

shadow of the first film, and often feels like a sad rehash. Die Hard fans of Lock, Stock will still enjoy it, as well as people who missed the first film and don’t know how

much it’s being aped. Basically if you’ve already seen all the best videos in the shop, hire this out.

HHHII Lola Kidney, RSPCA

movies@seren.bangor.ac.uk

MOVIES

SEREN March 2001 11

Did you hear about this one?

Man on the Moon, available to rent from Albin’s Video

A

Yes it’s Jim Carrey, but go with it. Seriously.

ndy Kaufman was always relatively unknown in this country, with only his sitcom appearances (like 70s show Taxi) gaining attention. But his surrealist stand up/performance art had a much deeper impact in the U.S. Some proclaimed him a unique and staggering talent; others dismissed his comic style as childish and deeply unfunny. Whatever you think of Kaufman, though, should not influence your enjoyment of this film.

Directed by Milos Foreman (responsible for that other great biopic of recent times, The People Vs Larry Flynt), Man On The Moon is possibly the most underrated film of last year, being laugh out loud funny and genuinely moving in equal measure. This is due in no small part to the writing talents of Scott Alexander and Larry Karaesewzki, who also penned Flynt and Tim Burton’s excellent Ed Wood.

The film charts Kaufman’s rise from small

GENIUS!

One man’s dubious quest to discover the films that are so bad they are somehow... gooood.

Operation #2: Superman II (1980)

I

AM PLOT! A gang of terrorists have taken hostages on the Eiffel Tower, threatening to blow up Paris. Superman (living on Earth as Clark Kent) saves the day by flinging the elevator containing the bomb out into space. However, the evil General Zod (earlier imprisoned in the mystic Phantom Zone—a pane of glass flying through the universe—by Superman’s father) is freed by the resulting deep space explosion, and, along with his malevolent cohorts Non and Ursa, he advances on Earth, eager for power and death. Meanwhile, Superman is romancing Lois…. Will the General wipe out all resistance? Will Superman get laid? With Lois? Who will survive? And what will be left of them?

EIGHT STEPS TO GENIUS… 1 KNEEL BEFORE ZOD… ZOD!

The man. The legend. General Zod (Terrence Stamp) is the purest form of camp evil genius ever instilled on film. Bennett from Commando may have been cool, but he couldn’t fly, OK?! Just the fact that his name is General Zod... respect is due merely for that. What guts he must have had to get through those hard times at school. And what exactly is he a General of? Eh? Eh? Just for your reading geek pleasure, he’s where the General fits into the top ten most evil names of all time: 1 General Zod 2 Mumm-Ra, The Ever Living 3 Sutekh The Destroyer (Dr Who) 4 Scaramanga 5 Gozer The Gozerian (Ghostbusters) 6 Vigo (Ghostbusters 2) 7 Ming The Merciless 8 Bennett 9 Zorin (A View To A Kill)

10 Howard The Duck He gets to scream ‘KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!’ a whole load of times, he slips into cockney when he gets too angry and he walks on water like Jesus! EVIL GENIUS!

2 FLASHBACKTASTIC

This holy sequel begins inauspiciously with a comfy little flashback to the first film.

Why on earth do we need to know about Lex Luthor’s damn dam attack? Or Clark’s first rescue of Louis? Methinks the film was not quite long enough, and flashbacks to existing films are, well… cheap. Also note that this poo script was written by Godfather scribe, Mario Puzo. GENIUS!

3 WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT’S... GENERAL ZOD ON THE MOON

The trio of baddies are cool, camp and collected, just like a really funky ménage a troi of gay postage stamps. They dress in kinky black leather stuff for no reason other than general evilness. The start off by beating up some unlucky astronauts on the Moon.

Sadly the film’s ‘weightless’ effects only extend to the humans involved, and not

bars in New York to Saturday Night Live— and his subsequent fall, brought about by his own stunts backfiring and, eventually, cancer. The simple story is complicated

by Foreman’s blurring of the distinctions between fact and fantasy. The viewer is never sure if what appears on screen is an actual event or just one of Kaufman’s tricks, still confusing audiences long after his death. The enigmatic nature of the film gives the viewer a feel for the similar nature of its subject.

Foreman is well served by his cast. Courtney Love plays Kaufman’s lover, and while her performance is not the equal of her turn in Flynt, she proves once again that she is a surprisingly talented actor. Also worth mentioning is Danny DeVito (Kaufman’s costar in Taxi; ain’t self referencing great?) who, as Kaufman’s long suffering manager, wears a mask of constant bemusement throughout the film.

The revelation here though is Carrey. He actually acts. Watching him pull it together like this is a bizarre experience, but by the end of the film, you can’t help but respect him. That the man didn’t receive an Oscar nomination last year is unforgivable, and second only to Ed Norton’s Fight Club snub.

This was a personal project for Carrey (something very evident in the detail and tenderness of his performance)— understandable, as Kaufman was an influence on just about every modern comedian worth mentioning, from Carrey’s slapstick to Chris Morris’ taboo shattering surrealism. He is also the hero of R.E.M, who’s serenade to Kaufman gives the film its name, and who also provide the haunting score.

Put it like this: this reviewer is known for his cynicism, and even he was nearly in tears by the end of this film. Recommendations come no higher. HHHHH Daniel Hartley Q.C.

the many flags that are thrown around. Man… fall… slow-ly… flagfallquick! Eh? GENIUS!

4 OF ALL THE BAD LUCK

Superman gets a rubbish deal in this movie, unnervingly hampered by a big long string-type rope of unfortunate coincidences.

He flings the bomb out into space exactly to where the evil trio are passing—d’oh! He then gets all dull and romantic and takes Louis up the Niagara Falls (so to speak).

This means he knows nothing of Zod’s march of extreme death— This still alone qualifies Superman II as genius d’oh! Then he bloody well gives up his superpowers for her, just at the time peppered with some none-too-subtle prodwhen he actually needs them most! D’oh! uct placement (Zod crashes into Coca Cola Supes only realises the presence of Zod sign, then Supes is thrown into a Marlboro after he has lost his dignity in a bar fight, van!), some fucking cringeworthy citizen lying bleeding on the floor—embarrassing reaction bits (‘Hey! They killed Superman! d’oh! Contrived? You bet your Kryptonian Let’s get ‘em!’) and a number of obvious green ass! GENIUS! fight dummies. However, Zod get to do the ultimate ‘COME, SON OF JOR-EL! KNEEL 5 NON BEFORE ZOD!’ And any film that features If you’ve worn yourself out giggling at Zod’s the line: ‘I’ve discovered his weakness… camp melodrama, then, young children, he cares, he really cares for these Earthturn your attention to his lovable sidekick lings’ deserves my complete religious attenNon. He no speaka the lingo, he cute and tion. The fight then moves to Superman’s cuddly, he my big stupid Kryptonian man- Ice Temple, where the villains have the pet. He says my word (‘gnnngggnnnggh- tables turned on them and THEIR powers hhh’) a lot as well! GENIUS! removed! However, when Clark lost his powers earlier he felt loads of that pain 6 LEXY BABY stuff, but in this case the trio feel none!

Gene Hackman: smug git. Name at top of Shite? Could be. Superman takes the U.S. credits. Hamtastic performance. No death flag back to the White House, says ‘cheers’ factor leaving room for more sequels. And to the Prez and the world is safe. PATRImost importantly, the only two phrases OTIC SLUSH GENIUS! you seem to say in the film are ‘South, Miss Tessmarker!’ and ‘Kill me?! Lex Luthor? 8 THE AFTERMATH World’s greatest criminal mind?! Extinguish OK, OK, the first film has a whole lot more the greatest criminal flame of our times?!’ integrity, but for sheer fun factor, you can’t etc, etc. GENIUS! beat Superman II. General Zod deserves a spin off series, and if I ever become a high7 BIG FIGHT! ranking Hollywood mogul, I will make sure The dramatic peak comes with the Metrop- this happens. Terrence, if you’re reading olis standoff between Superman and the this, then chin up old boy! COME, SON OF evil dudes. Ten minutes of utter genius, STAMP! KNEEL BEFORE GENIUS! GENIUS!

GAMES

12 SEREN March 2001

games@seren.bangor.ac.uk

Kicks for free Daniel Hartley trawls the web in search of some free gaming action

D

o you like games? Do you like getting shit for free? ‘Course you do. It’d be ace if the two were combined wouldn’t it? Well, now they are.

There are hundreds of websites where games can be downloaded or played online.

Online games can be a little simplistic, due to the limited amount of space available on websites. The best site for online gaming is probably www.gamesdomain.co.uk, who have lots of puzzle type games as well as

chess, draughts, and Mah-Jong.

For a more lasting gaming experience, try the excellent www.freeloader.com. Freeloader have major release games such as Grand Theft Auto 2 to download free of charge. They get away with this by allowing every company ever formed to advertise on their site, and registered users receive credits to download more games by clicking on sponsors’ banners. You have to be patient, as the site takes an age to load and you seem

to be waiting forever for your games to download. Despite these quibbles, however, Freeloader comes highly recommended.

For retro gaming action, the net is awash with emulators and games for classic computers, consoles and coin-ops. For the good old ZX Spectrum (and I know you all had one) try www.spectrumarchive.freeserve.co.uk.

This site has Jet Set Willy, Robocop, Manic Miner and Sacred Armour of Antiriad. Why leave your house again? Downloads take

seconds, and the site is easy to use.

For coin-ops, try www.mame.net (remember Gauntlet?). Fans of the Commodore 64 should check out www.geocities.com/ Colloseum/Pressbox for a site with over a hundred games.

Unfortunately, Seren has been unable to find an Amiga emulator that actually works. If anybody knows of one, or wishes to recommend other gaming sites, e-mail games@seren.bangor.ac.uk. Have fun.

Motorcycle emptiness

MotoGP, out now for the PlayStation 2

T

he PlayStation 2 really could do with some great games right about now. Five months after its UK release the system’s catalogue of must-have titles can still be counted on one finger (SSX), and meanwhile it seems a new game arrives every week for the supposedly moribund Dreamcast. If Sony’s Wunderkind doesn’t find its feet soon it’s going to be simply demolished by Microsoft’s X-Box come the New Year.

With this in mind, it was with some excitement that I discovered MotoGP in my pigeonhole. Though the PS2 is already rather generously blessed with racing games (Ridge Racer V, Driving Emotion Type S, Midnight Club, Wild Wild Racing, F1 2001, Pro RC Revenge, etc. etc.), none has yet quite managed to provide that sense of fluid urgency that makes a racing game a classic. A bevy of positive previews in various gaming magazines had left me hopeful that the eagerly-awaited MotoGP would at last plug that gap. In fact, a few days before our review copy arrived, I’d actually been considering shelling out £45 of my own money for it.

I’m so glad I didn’t. MotoGP epitomises everything that’s wrong with PS2 software at the moment. The intro sequence is stunning—a joy to watch, it had me in quite a fervour of anticipation for the game itself. The wealth of options—thirteen different customisable bikes, five different ways to play—promise a lengthy and rewarding relationship between man and game. The in-game graphics simply ooze class and are packed with neat little

touches, from the dust your wheels kick up as you go off-road to the way other riders glance over their shoulders as they hear you coming up behind them.

And yet, when you get down to it, the game itself is utterly mediocre. To play MotoGP is to hold down the ‘X’ button on the straights and let go of it on the bends. You steer with the left analogue controller, brake (if brake you must) with the square button and, er, that’s it. Let go of the accelerator too early and you slow to a crawl as the other riders vanish into the distance, never to be caught up with. Let go a second too late and, no matter how hard you may be steering, you career off the track with identical results (for some reason, no matter how insistently you hold down the accelerator, your bike won’t go over 10mph on gravel). In two-player mode this is even more frustrating, as it only takes one of you to make a stupid mistake and the remainder of the race is rather a lonely experience for both of you.

It’s frustrating because the makers could easily have added a dimension of playability by using the right analogue controller as the accelerator. After all, so far as I understand motorcycle mechanics, a throttle is not an all-or-nothing thing. The exciting part of real motorbike racing is surely driving the engine just that tiny bit harder as you battle to overtake another rider, cautiously nudging up the speed as high as you dare, then easing off by the merest fraction to slip round the corner.

But MotoGP simply isn’t interested. You can race with manual gears, which in theory gives

VROOM VROOM VROOM Erk bugger come ON! you more control over your bike, but as usual with racing games the fiddle factor gets in the way, and at any rate nothing can change the underlying vacuousness of the game engine.

The tracks themselves, though beautifully rendered, are also rather uninspiring, and if you go astray it can be very irritating trying to get back on the track and facing in the right direction. If the actual racing were more fun, this might not matter, but since it’s not it’s just a further frustration.

MotoGP isn’t dreadful. If you persevere with it and get the hang of cornering, it’s not really worse than any random racing game. But the PS2 already has plenty of those, many of them more fun than this. Motorcycle nuts might enjoy this particular take on the genre, but normal people would be better off buying Ridge Racer V or Midnight Club to tide them over until Gran Turismo 3 comes out in June. HHHII Darien Graham-Smith

The Emperor’s New Groove Out now for the PlayStation

A

s mentioned last month, Disney’s videogames suck. Okay, we concede that Disney don’t actually make the games themselves, but come on, a little quality control wouldn’t go amiss would it? Stop churning out turgid, substandard games into an already overcrowded market. Please.

So it comes as a surprise (not exactly a pleasant surprise, let’s not go nuts here) that The Emperor’s New Groove doesn’t make you want to chew off your own legs as your brain slowly disintegrates under a barrage of shit (yes Nasia’s Revenge, we mean you). ENG is just so resoundingly average that being harsh with it would be like hating puppies or baby otters.

You play the guy who gets turned into a llama by Eartha Kitt (this reviewer refuses to pay attention to Disney plotlines, so has no idea what the characters are called), and you run around headbutting things and spitting at them in time-honoured 3D platformer stylee. It’s quite easy, suggesting that, like the film, it’s aimed at seven year olds (and not nineteen year old students). Graphically it’s nothing special, but not terrible either. Llama-boy is, however, so irritating you frequently feel the urge to throw him off of the nearest mountainside.

Anyway, not as bad as Aladdin, not as good as Spyro: Year of the Dragon, just... myeh. HHIII

games@seren.bangor.ac.uk

Final Fantasy IX

GAMES

SEREN March 2001 13

Out now for the PlayStation

T

hat the people at Squaresoft can throw a decent RPG together goes without saying. As well as the Final Fantasy series, the developers are responsible for Vagrant Story and the forthcoming The Bouncer. What all of these games have in common are appealing characters, epic storylines and (if reports on The Bouncer are accurate) great gameplay. The latest instalment of FF is no exception to this welcome trend.

The first thing you notice when playing FFIX is that, in terms of gameplay, it is pretty much identical to the previous two instalments (this reviewer hasn’t played anything before the seventh game). You wander around the world, talking to characters to further the plot line and getting into fights (generally with dumbass-looking, stupidly named monsters) to gain experience. Fighting is still conducted in the time honoured, turn based manner, and it seems to take an eternity for your character’s little action bars to fill so you can start hitting things with your sword.

Indeed, playing FFIX is such a similar experience to playing the previous two games that you could accuse Squaresoft

of laziness. However, to see where all the effort went in making this game, you just have to look at it. FFIX has best graphics that this reviewer has ever seen on the PlayStation. It occasionally feels like you’re playing on a Dreamcast or PS2—the visuals are that ace. The presentation falls down with the music, however, which grates on the nerves like sandpaper (especially in the ‘jolly’ bits where nothing is trying to kill you).

Another minor quibble is the dialogue, which, though not as bad as some Japanese translations, can still get pretty laughable. Also, the attempts at FOR THE HONOUR OF GREYSKULL Orko approaches stairs humour (a new concept in the Final Fantasy series) tend to fall flat, though occasionally raise a smirk or two. This doesn’t detract from the plot, however, which is In summary, then: looks good, sounds shit and is very still a complex and sprawling affair, certainly too complex complicated. It plays like the earlier instalments, but then, if and sprawling to go into here (it involves a bunch of actors it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. FFIX will give another fix of quality in flying ship attempting to kidnap a princess who wants to RPG to the series’ many addicts, and should also gain some be abducted, and that’s just the first two hours of play). new fans. As good as the other FF games, really. HHHHI

Legend of the Dragoon NO COMPETITION Out now for the PlayStation

T

here’s unoriginal games, and then there’s unoriginal games. And this, friends and neighbours, is an un-o-rigin-al game. It frankly couldn’t be more like a member of the Final Fantasy canon if the mighty Squaresoft themselves were behind it. But what they hey. Lack of creativity never hurt anyone. So, what about the game?

Well, Legend of the Dragoon is, to all intents and purposes, a bog standard RPG romp. C’mon, you all know the drill by now: big swords, explody magic spells, slim anime women with huge boobs and slimy creatures for you to slaughter in a variety of entertaining ways. So what makes this stand out from all the others?

To be honest, nothing. Legend of the Dragoon is utterly run-of-the-mill. Nice graphics, good sounds, mildly interesting plot (spiky-haired fella tries to save

the world-sound familiar?), but nothing that really forces you to the edge of your seat. Nothing is really wrong with it, it’s just not that special. It does have a few nice variations on the usual battle sequences, such as the ability to strike opponents repeatedly using well-timed combos, but there’s a general feeling of ‘been there, done that’ throughout the entire game.

Maybe I’m just jaded after hours of working through the aforementioned Final Fantasy games with a fine-tooth comb, but this just didn’t push the right buttons to warrant a four- or five-star review. It doesn’t stand up to repeated play like some RPGs, and is unfortunately overshadowed by the long-awaited Final Fantasy IX. All in all, this is far from being a bad game: it just isn’t great. HHHII Michael McGeachin

SMALL FURRY ANIMALS We must perform a quirkafleeg

What are you all, lazy or just shy? The competitions to win Disney’s Aladdin in Nasia’s Revenge and Chase the Express were genuine acts of benevolence on the part of the Games editor, and not one of you entered. You have until the end of term to try and win both of these piece of shit games or they get microwaved. Fuck it, I can’t even be arsed with the competition any more, just mail games@seren.bangor.ac.uk and tell me you want them. No competition this time, you miserable gets.

Phantasy Star Online Out now for the Dreamcast

H

ooray! Another pretty-looking, silly-named, needlessly baffling role-player from the mad game-fiends of Japan! What original-seeming but ultimately samey number have those LSD-gobbling crazies thrust upon us this time?

But wait... is this a revolutionary idea I see poking its nose out of four pages sales-pitch hyperbole? Touted as “the first global online console RPG”, Phantasy Star Online for the Dreamcast promises much: but does it deliver?

Offline, the game is a pleasant little distraction. The ability to Strum on the Internet with Phantasy Sitar Online choose what your character looks like scores many points from the off, and the game is graphically astounding may pool your efforts and make EVEN MORE throughout (well, this is the Dreamcast, for things die with EVEN MORE little guns chrissakes!), but the gameplay is a tad dull. and EVEN PRETTIER magic spells! Also, via After getting to grips with the bollocky ana- a selection of set phrases offered by the logue controller, the play will find that this game, language needn’t be an obstacle to is, essentially, a shoot-em-up, with some the ultimate goal of alien scum wasting.

RPG elements offered via the ability to go Huzzah! on missions (albeit missions where you run In summary, this, the latest (and, if the around shooting things. And little else...), blurb is to be believed, greatest) in the and whilst this is fun for a while, you may Phantasy Star series offers much to the hardget bored of using little guns or pretty ened adventurer, but the repetitive gamemagic spells to make things die. play may dissuade most players, especially Online play, though, presents the oppor- those whose phones have been discontunity to hook up with as many as three nected. Like ours. Knackers... HHHII other wandering arse-kickers, where you Michael McGeachin

ANY OTHER BUSINESS

14 SEREN March 2001

aob@seren.bangor.ac.uk

The girl next door Julia Bell buys a ticket for the next-door-neighbour lottery

U

niversity, whether you have come in order to get a fabulous degree, to spend three years finding out what you really want to be or simply to establish a substantial debt, is the perfect time to meet new people. Of course, a by-product of meeting new people is meeting people you’d, quite frankly, rather not have met.

In halls you are thrown in with a bunch of totally random, unknown, people. In the first week you either spend all of your time together, à la Friends, or you pass like ships in the night. As a first year it’s ace to have people to spend the long, lonely Welcome Week with and you’ll soon establish which flatmate is unable to speak without swearing every third word. You’ll realise that the girl next door is very talented on a Monday night in Time, and provides a very loud, bouncy, full on private stageshow afterwards, to the man who brought her the most drinks.

This term a friend walked onto his corridor to be told that he was going to Hell. How could this be? We had just spent a relaxing evening in the Main Bar, drinking

cheap vodka and dancing to a multitude of classic alternative tracks.

Maybe the dancing was enough to send him to Hell. The ultra-religious flatmate is often found decrying alcohol, inappropriate dress, homosexuality, people who wear black, daytime television, Eminem, lie-ins (especially on a Sunday) and other dreadful irreligious acts.

You are very aware of the presence of the bible-bashing flatmate, but in complete contrast there is the ghost mate. Ghost mates may or may not exist. They are rarely, if ever spotted. They appear to have a room, a cupboard filled with unused pots and pans and a small carton of milk in the fridge. Their curtains and door remain closed at all times. It is possible to attempt to raise them from their room though the well-timed use of the fire alarm.

Or simply accept that they have a more exciting life than you.

How do you tell the otherwise perfectly nice person, the one whose body odour is able to override the expensive perfume that you have shrouded yourself in, that they smell? There is always the subtle option: grab them, go to

Boots, test new deodorants, mention how pleasant one of them is, how much it suits your flatmate.

Alternatively you can go for the blunt: “you smell.”

Waking at 3 o’clock in the morning to Whitney Houston, Drum ’n’ Bass, Britney Spears or even Beethoven pounding through your wall can be enough to incite violence in many flats. In halls the cutoff point for noise is 12am, after which security can be called and action taken. In your own accommodation it can be far harder, but there is help available from the local council.

One of the hardest aspects of living in halls is realising that the people you live with aren’t quite so happy as they might appear.

The discovery that your flatmate is anorexic, bulimic or even a compulsive eater can cause many different reactions. Similarly realising that a flatmate is self-harming, is depressed or is suicidal can give rise to feelings of inadequacy, impotence or uselessness. None of these scenarios need be dealt with alone. The union has an excellent Student Advice and Representation

Centre available on the 2nd floor. There you can speak with Anne Parry (SARC Co-ordinator), Beverly Jones (Case-worker) or Joanne Boucher (SARC Officer) all of whom are friendly and approachable.

Alternatively the student-run Nightline service (which operates from 8pm until 8am every night of the week) provides both a telephone and drop-in listening and information service.

You could get lucky and end up sharing with Living in halls, on these two. But you won’t. account of the people you live with, can prove to be one of the are going to regale people with in biggest, indeed sharpest, learning the future. Just remember, the flatcurves of your life. You will find mates you had have stories about that when you move out of halls, you too. or other shared accommodation, the lessons you will have learned Contact Numbers will stay with you. And of course Nightline : 01248 362121 don’t forget all the stories you SARC: 01248 388004

What else can I say?

Lola Kidney ponders the arbitrary, inconsistent prejudices of homophobia

O

n New Year’s Eve, 2000, nothing changed. I spent New Year’s day visiting a friend of mine in hospital after ‘queer-bashers’ outside a local gay club had stabbed him. The incident went undocumented, and my friend’s attackers were never found.

He was the victim of just one of the numerous homophobic attacks that take place every year. It is interesting to note that there is no official statistic for such attacks, probably because any, dare we utter the word, homosexuals who are attacked are not recognised. In the case of my friend, it was put down to a drunken fight.

The current gay population of Britain is estimated at just over 6%, so why do people still have such a negative attitude towards homosexuality? Prejudices against other minorities are condemned, but there are few people willing to speak out against homophobia.

It isn’t even homophobia in a true sense.

I couldn’t find any evidence of lesbians being seriously attacked. In the eyes of the law there is no such thing as a lesbian, yet there is current outrage over laws for gay men. Lesbian couples are affected by the

ruling over whether or not gay couples can raise children, but a recent tabloid survey phrased most of its questions in terms of two men living together.

Lesbianism is like a religion of pornog-

municable disease, and if you are gay it’s not the modern equivalent of the plague.

This is the twenty-first century and we are still living in fear of things we don’t understand. Some people cower behind the

This is the twenty-first century and we are still living in fear of things we don’t understand. raphy to many straight men. How many young males out there drool over ‘girl on girl action’, and buy films like Wild Things for voyeuristic gratification? Yet two men having sex? Heaven forbid! If a woman is a lesbian she is erotic, but if a man is gay then he is dirty.

The survey also quizzed readers over their attitude towards homosexuality. 84% of the readers said that they accepted but did not agree with homosexual couples.

Which is partly my problem with homophobia; people won’t, except in rare cases, admit it—they just insinuate it. My own mother tried to ban me from spending time with gay friends in case “they gave me funny ideas.” Homosexuality is not a com-

Bible to try and excuse their prejudice, but the Bible condemns a lot of things that we conveniently ignore: violence (that’s for the queer-bashers), disrespect for elders (for every teenager) and prostitution (for all the ‘normal’ straight men out there.)

The Greeks were homophobic: that’s why their Gods always had small penises because a large penis was thought to be a sign of a ‘buggeree,’ if you’ll excuse the phrase. Oscar Wilde was sent to gaol for his love affair with Bosie. It seems inhumane to condemn someone for his or her choice of lover. If a woman marries an alcoholic wife-beater, we call her weak and pity her. If she becomes a lesbian, we avoid her and gossip about her. If a man has frequent sex with women,

he’s a real man, but if a man takes one male lover, he is considered an abomination.

The representation of gay men in popular culture is getting better, but we still can’t come to terms with the idea of a nice gay man. Quentin Crisp was a gay icon and respected by even straight people. Queer as Folk finally gave the general public a view of the homosexual lifestyle as fun and passionate, but many viewers were turned off by the rather explicit sex scenes.

Are we going to live in this age of intolerance forever? It took a long time for racism to be confronted, and is still an ongoing battle, but homophobia hasn’t even begun to be explored. It wasn’t until 1995 that the age of consent was grudgingly lowered to 18 still two years higher than for straight couples. Gay people are no different from other people, and no crime against them can be ignored or condoned. They deserve the rights given to everyone; to get married, to have children and to be respected.

I hope next year I don’t have to spend my New Year’s day in an A&E ward or worse. I don’t know which is worse, the acts people commit against homosexuals, or the attitude that so many more people hold.

EDITORIAL AND LETTERS

editor@seren.bangor.ac.uk

W

SEREN March 2001 15

Footing the bill

e can all agree that free education for all is a very laudable ideal; but unfortunately the business of educating people costs money. At the very simplest level, so long as food and accommodation are not free it is only reasonable for a teacher to expect to be paid.

If teachers’ salaries were to be abolished, most would eventually find other jobs, such as welding or counting geese.

So the real question is where the money comes from.

Most students will argue that, in these days of the much-touted ‘knowledge economy,’ a better-educated nation is ipso facto a richer nation in which everyone will benefit from living. By which token it is, of course, wholly equitable for every beneficiary to contribute to the cost of this benefit. Or, to put it another way, students should be funded through University with public money.

But graduates are not inherently a universal benefit.

Though they may, through their achievements, stimulate the economy and improve society, the greatest beneficiary of such successes is almost invariably the person who does the succeeding. University graduates earn more than their degree-less peers—indeed, crucially, the average salary differential repays the average cost of a University education within five years. Logically, if graduates did not earn more

being expected to provide or repay the majority of the cost of improving their own earning potential, it is not immediately obvious.

Seren supports the NUS’ efforts to ensure that Higher Education is open to all, and that capable, dedicated would-be students are not deterred by fear or ignorance. But it does not support blinkered egoism.

The world does not owe you, me, or any one of us a living. Suck it up.

L

than their lesser qualified counterparts, there would be very few students indeed. As Adam Smith would observe, the graduate’s contribution to society, though real, is a by-product of self-interested behaviour.

The inescapable conclusion is that students, in attending University, are primarily investing in their own futures, and it is hard to see why the general public should be expected to help them out, certainly beyond a contribution proportional to the meagre benefit each individual derives from the existence of graduates. If there is an injustice in students

wordswordswords

send them all to letters@seren.bangor.ac.uk Squeak your mind Sir—Why is it I have one squeaky trainer? Why just one? If it were both I wouldn’t mind. Everyone can hear me coming. It is most annoying and I demand vengeance on Adidas.

The Squeaker

SU expensive?

Sir—Am I the only student who thinks that the prices in the Student Union are becoming increasingly expensive? It’s getting beyond a joke when you can buy a bottle of Reef in Weatherspoons for half what they’re charging in the SU. If the Student Union wants to keep the students as patrons they must seriously consider this issue, or we will take our limited money elsewhere.

Angie Cranfield Seren replies: If anyone from the Union would like to respond, email letters@seren.bangor.ac.uk and we will, as usual, publish your reply.

Fees, schmees...

Sir—May I congratulate the NUS on declaring March 1st lecture boycotting day? Not only did it give both lecturers and students the day off to stay in bed, but it was an effective way of raising awareness of the issue of tuition

fees. In future perhaps they could consider organising “National Piss Up Day” or “National Bring Your Pint to Lectures Day”. All for a good cause of course.

Anon.

Are you for real?

Sir—Please can you settle an argument for me? My flatmates all say that the letters are all made up.

Is this true? I don’t believe them, as I cannot accept that you would bother to waste your time printing any old made-up nonsense.

Please prove my flat mates and me right/wrong, and print this letter so that everyone can see that you do actually print anyone’s letter that is sent in. Thank you.

Lisa Seren replies: The very idea of Seren printing “any old made-up nonsense” should have alerted you to the truth.

Shop till you drop?

Sir—I know that this response it a bit quick BUT that is because one of the letters in the latest Seren has done to that to us in the SU Shop— i.e. cut us to the quick!

We are open at 8.30 in the morning until 5.00pm every day, Monday to Friday with just one full-time manager and three parttime members of staff, so consider

that we give a good level of service. We have opened until 5.30pm in the past, but the last half hour proved very lonely, as we had no customers.

A few years ago we were asked to consider opening on Saturdays, which we did for six months, but unfortunately the average takings of 80p an hour were not sufficient to cover the cost of heat and light alone! We would consider opening for longer IF we had the volume of customers to justify our doing, so because we still firmly believe in the Union being of value to you all. Therefore, if we suddenly find that we consistently have shoploads of customers here at 5pm we will consider longer hours.

The SU Shop Seren replies: Thanks to the SU Shop for responding to last month’s letter. The question of opening on Saturday is a classic vicious circle.

Everything in the Union is closed at weekends because nobody ever goes there. But why do you think nobody ever goes there? We suspect it would take a lot of money to get students into the habit of going in to the Union during the daytime at weekends. And, as we all know, a lot of money is one of those things the Union doesn’t have. Oh well.

Bottom feeder Sir—I should just like to point out that I am an arse.

Ginger Elbowman

Facere quam dicere

ast month’s article on the threatened closure of the Lloyd Building Theatre seemed to make quite an impact. The Editor received informal support from many colleagues, including several Union Officers; members of the paper’s staff were approached in the street by students wishing our campaign every success. Even some members of the University’s teaching staff were willing in confidence to side with Seren against the University.

Yet the flood of support has translated into only a trickle of returned petitions. It seems everyone is happy to voice their opinion, but few have the guts or motivation to put pen to paper, even merely to sign their name.

We are still accepting correspondence to forward to the Psychology Department. Send us some.

seren

Students’ Union. Deiniol Road, Bangor, Gwynedd LL57 2TH Tel: (01248) 388017 Fax: (01248) 388020 Editor Darien Graham-Smith Production Julie Neild Angie Cranfield Assoc. Editor Chris Chapman EMB Ian Fallon News Kevin Shoesmith Analysis Karl Sadil Culture Jasmine Stables Movies Chris Chapman Games Daniel Hartley AOB Lola Kidney

Seren is the official English-language newspaper of Bangor’s Students’ Union. It is actually published monthly during termtime by a big industrial printing press in Tamworth (q.v.) It is written and produced entirely by students and alumni of the University of Wales, Bangor, often at extreme times of the day.

In fact, right now it’s 6.17am, if you were wondering.

Copyright in all articles and images is retained by the authors/ creators. The moral right of the Editor has been asserted. Two or three times, in fact.

Get involved!

Seren is always looking for writers. We also need section editors for Travel, Sport and Lifestyle (Food & Drink etc.). If you’d like to get involved, email the relevant section editor (email addresses are at the top of every page) or contact the editor directly at editor@seren.bangor.ac.uk. We are happy to receive unsolicited submissions, but please understand we can’t guarantee to print anything and articles may be edited for clarity and length. In particular, anything over 800 words is likely to be too long.

If you’d like to talk to a real person before you get involved, come along and meet the Editor in the Media Room (SU Building, 2nd floor) most weekday afternoons or at 1pm on any Sunday after the 11th March.

Seren is produced before a live studio audience.

The classic farce by Brandon Thomas

Lloyd Building Theatre, 8pm Thu 15th - Sat 17th March Tickets ÂŁ4/ÂŁ3 on the door or in advance from the SU Shop