Price: FREE
seren Bangor’s Official English Language Paper
Fresher’s Issue 2002
Students left stranded
NEW STUDENTS are travelling in greater and greater volume from all over the world to study here at Bangor University. However with these everincreasing numbers come some severe housing problems. This is a record year for new students and the University is desperately trying to meet its pledge to house all first years. Fourteen students will stay in the British Hotel for days or even weeks before space in halls is found, just as newcomers were kept there last year. This time around it appears the situation will only worsen: students will be expected to commute to Bangor from Anglesey. During Freshers’ week, 39 students will be bussed the five mile journey from the Carreg Bran Hotel to the University in order to attend Freshers’ activities and even for meals. These first few weeks of term are the most important for any student, it is the time for them to settle in and make new friends. However, due to this current crisis these students will have a difficult time making friends at all. It is a problem that students will soldier on through, but should not have to endure. Two factors are to blame: irregular student intake and student services not being quite as organised as they should be. On perhaps a more positive note, the University is proposing the construction of new halls of residence in Dean Street. However, the University has been refused
HALLS OF RESIDENCE: Not enough to go round? planning permission from the council due to negative public opinion—the site being close to a place of worship and a residential site. It was to have around 200-300 rooms and was due to be opened for the 2004/05 academic year. Planning refusal will delay the project by at least 12 months whilst the University appeals to the National Assembly.
It is the opinion of the SU however that the new halls aren’t even needed. Student President Andrew Wilson commented that “...we just have to make full use of the accommodation we already have to solve the problem.” It seems the housing crisis will continue indefinitely until a solution that appeases all sides of the argument can be decided upon.
UUU SIOP — UNDEB — SHOP UUU OPEN 8.30am-4.30pm Mon to Fri
For clothing, sweets, drinks, stationary, cards, cigarettes, snacks etc.
UUU
SPEND OVER £1.00 & GET A FREE PEN!!! (limited offer) Shop open on Normal site as well : 10am-2pm Mon to Fri
UUU
NEWS
INSIDE page 2
Feature
Dating in Bangor pages 4 & 5
Serendipity Map Freshers’ Fayre Guide page 6
Movie Reviews
Latest release Signs page 7
Music Reviews
Idlewild & much more page 8
Time Listings page 8
Culture
Theatre in Bangor page 11
Coffee Break Horoscopes page 12
Adventures of Ron Seren’s Comic Strip
A word from the Ed... With another Freshers’ week here again, Seren has once more struggled to stay alive. The SU paper has existed for over 20 years under its current title, Seren, however, it is now fighting for funding, personnel, equipment and office space. Seren still survives, and still endeavours to reach the student population on a monthly basis. Whenever Seren goes to print, it is down to the commitment, hard work and sheer bloody mindedness of a faithful few that refuse to let the paper die. Many hours of work go in to creating Seren, not just the writing, but the printing and the distribution. In order to publish in time for Freshers’ week, and in a desperate attempt save money, this issue of Seren has been printed in-house: all 9,000 pieces of paper, all folded and stapled by hand. I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who has contributed to this issue of Seren. Without you guys, Seren would have ceased to exist years ago, and it is down to your commitment and hard work that we still have a paper to be proud of. If you think that you have what it takes to run a busy newspaper office, then please get in touch. Visit our stall at Serendipity and we’ll happily welcome you on board. We’re in the curved lounge on both 25th and 26th September. And we’re not just interested in writers, we’re looking for section editors, proof readers, production staff, layout designers, advertising managers, advertisers, photographers, reviewers and distributors. Alternately, email ads@seren.bangor.ac.uk or write to the address below. Please remember to include your name and contact details, ideally an email address. The next issue of Seren will (hopefully) emerge in October, full of lovely articles, diverse and interesting. This, however, depends on how many of you volunteer... Editor-in-Chief Assoc. Editor Production Sub-Editor News Culture Music Movies Cartoon
Julie Neild Chris Chapman Helen Wright Ian Fallon Graeme Hurd James Dawson Ian Fallon Chris Chapman Chris Woodward
To Contact Seren, please write to: Seren Students’ Union Deiniol Road Bangor Gwynedd LL57 2TH or: ads@seren.bangor.ac.uk
All opinions voiced in Seren are not necessarily shared by the Union or University, and are just opinions.
Vegetarian? Vegan? SUPERMARKETS TODAY ambitiously tempt the appetite of a highly demanding consumer culture. In Britain, just four corporations own the sovereigns of this empire and sell 80% of the palatable stock that we voraciously pile into trolleys. The smaller store remains tentatively
VEGAN: food without meat doesn’t have to be bland and unappetising. 2
at the dining table, but amongst those seated more firmly and with the largest plates, are the Wholefoods stores. In Bangor, we have a thriving example of how they do it—Dimensions! I must confess to harbouring something at the opposite end of the fondness scale for supermarkets and as a newly landed vegan student three years ago, I was eagerly looking for an affordable, friendly place to shop that would cater for my demanding alternative tastes. Dimensions proved to be the best discovery I made in Freshers’ Week; a unique combination of humorous and attentive customer care, frequent cooking demonstrations, sound nutritional advice, strong consumer and environmental awareness, and a mouthwatering range catering for the most complex of palates. Students benefit from a 10% discount on Fridays and Halls of
Residence can be included in the weekly rounds of the team’s organic fruit and veg box scheme. Delicious daily-prepared rolls, cruelty-free toiletries, fair-trade foods, a comprehensive range of organic produce, international gifts and literature make this a wonderful shopping haunt. Dimensions is a must for the vegetarian, vegan, specialist and curious shopper, whether for lunchtime snacking, weekly cupboard refills, or quests for information. If it’s not the friendly singing staff that tempt you back, it will be the endless tasty treats and sumptuous savouries to satisfy every frozen, chilled, warm, hot, sweet and sour level on your taste bud chart. Situated next to Late Stop in Upper Bangor, Dimensions is open 9.30am–5.30pm, Monday to Thursday and Saturday and 10.00am–6.00pm on Friday. They can be contacted on 01248 351 562.
Coffee Break...
Horoscopes Your guide to the month ahead with Psychic D
LIBRA Sept 23rd to Oct 23rd d I believe that the lucky Librans among
you will be equally cursed and blessed. I see a time of change and upheaval. SCORPIO Oct 24th to Nov 21st e Think carefully who to choose as your
friends this month, because I sense you have a back-stabber in your ranks.
f
SAGITTARIUS Nov 22nd to Dec 21st This month you should have every reason to hold your head up high as other’s confidence in you is justified. Dec 22nd to Jan 19th g MyCAPRICORN instinct tells me that right now, you
have the potential to achieve success, but only if you consider all options… AQUARIUS Jan 20th to Feb 18th h Never become complacent, as this is
when seemingly simple matters will complicate your life in ways that you never would expect.
i
PISCES Feb 19th to March 20th At this time, it is increasingly important for you to stand up for what you believe in, although adversity may grow before it desists.
COFFEE BREAK
Tell James... He can help you Dear James, I have a hugely embarrassing problem. I am a girl, but I have course body hair on my arms, legs and back and I don’t know what to do about it. I’ve just met a boy that I really like and I know he wants to have sex with me, but I’m too ashamed of my coat to let him see me undressed. Please tell me what you think I should do. Hairy, 18. James Replies: Dear Hairy Try not worry about your deformity, I’m sure there are plenty of people who suffer from the same affliction as you, none that I know, but nevermind. It seems there are a number of solutions to your problem. I assume that you’ve tried waxing and bleaching, electrolysis etc? If not, there’s every possibility that your boyfriend is aware of your excess hair, I’m guessing you have a bit of a tache? The only other option I can think of is joining a freak show as “Lulu the Dog Girl”; you may as well make some money from it.
Dear James You might think I’m a bad person, but I have to tell some someone. Basically I have two men on the go at once. One is my boyfriend of two years, he’s a top bloke, and he’s like my best friend. But I’ve met a new guy, he’s huge and muscular and sexy and he really gets me going. I have to go now. Anonymous. James Replies: Dear Anonymous Don’t brag, bitch. If you would like help with your problems, advice about to get out of sticky situations, or just want to write a letter to some one, drop a line to Seren’s very own Beautiful James at the address on page 2 or drop a letter in to the Union reception marked “Seren Letter.” All names will be kept anonymous if requested. Writers are advised that they take James’ advice at their own risk.
^
ARIES March 21st to April 19th Now is not the time for you to make a spectacle of yourself as it can only lead to disapproval of friends. Lay low.
_
TAURUS April 20th to May 20th The last months may not have been easy, yet I see change in sight, with surprises ahead which you may not be prepared for. GEMINI May 21st to June 21st ` I sense that you may feel you need more
time to yourself and while this is good, do not neglect those close to you to prove a point.
a
CANCER June 22nd to July 22nd In the near future you may feel as though you have a lot on your plate, but it’s nothing you can’t handle with foresight and planning. July 23rd to Aug 22nd b If LEO you handle your finances sensibly in
the coming weeks, it seems to me you’ll reap the rewards in the very near future.
c
VIRGO Aug 23rd to Sept 22nd If you’ve been feeling neglected, take comfort in the thought that it’s only in your head. A group of people hold you in high regard.
FRESH FROM THE EDINBURGH FRINGE! Tues 1st October JOCKS’ BAR doors open 8.30pm 11
ADVERTISMENT
Contact us at:
Email: marbo@pathwalker.freeserve.co.uk
Website: http://come.to/marbo Tel: 01248 353286 Mob: 07786 140770
10
FEATURES
(Gay) Sex and the City James Dawson shares his opinions on dating
CHANCES ARE that much like me, sex didn’t really figure into your University selection process. For most of you this won’t really be a problem, mainly because a great number of you will have arrived here having left a partner in some other part of the United Kingdom with a promise to trial run a long distance relationship. I give it till November. Nevertheless, the heterosexuals among you shouldn’t have too much trouble finding sex; the Octagon, for instance is a cheap and relatively easy way to bonk someone who remembers Gary Glitter before he was arrested. It’s finding someone worth keeping that seems difficult. I have male and female friends, all of above average beauty, some of whom have been serial monogamers in the sense that they’ve had an hour between long-term relationships, but others who’ve been left high and dry by the dating scene in Bangor. I think it all hinges on having the confidence to track someone down in Time or Trash and tell them that you fancy
them. It’s school disco, but it works. However, if you find yourself ticking the “Homosexual and Looking” box on your reality TV application form, this is where the real mine field reveals itself. For gay women, the game is less difficult. For one thing, the girl’s rugby team seems to have a stronger lesbian community than the LGB, and second, some of the most enduring couples I’ve met in Bangor have been lesbian couples, so don’t despair! The boys are a whole other ball game (no pun, rugby or testicle based is implied). Bangor seems to me to have a gay male clique. The predictable lack of gay men in Bangor results in no real sense of community and the inherent bitchiness that follows is alienating at best. Allow me to elaborate: everybody has had everybody else. For example; say I wanted to find out information on a bloke I’ve been eyeing up. I could ring up certain sources and have all the info I needed at my fingertips (again, no pun). How? Because, even if my source hadn’t had them, they’d most likely know someone who had. The other option seems to be to stay well out of the loop, this is the path I took and it’s had it’s positives and negatives, as fucked-up jungle celeb, Uri Gellar might say. It kind of flows in a circle whereby you don’t put it about, so people don’t know that much about you and are unable to uncover details via the gay grapevine, but this also leads to fewer viable mates approaching you and hence less of the aforementioned sex. The cycle then repeats itself. But I’d rather do that than have my details entered into some human database far more revealing than Gaydar can ever be. An interesting side effect of the homosexual circus is a gay couple
phenomenon that only seems to occur here. While admittedly insecurity is a trait often found with gay types, the effect seems to be magnified by the prospect of having return to the fruitless dating pool, so the relationships which do get off the ground often appear needy and jealous, sometimes leading to hysterical acts of ownership akin to pissing up a tree. I’ve learned from experience, avoid the ones with boyfriends. That leads me to the LGB. As a fresher, you may think that the LGB is your first port of call for all your gay needs. The organisation has improved since I started here (knocking shop), and it seems that Bangor LGB may finally be something to be proud of. However, there are still a number of problems, namely the fragmentation, which exists in the “community”, which means the group is often low-key and the LGB organised evenings (usually in Jock’s Bar) regualarly show poor attendance, perhaps due to the absence of gay women. A tip; give Saturday nights at Main Bar a try (the irony of it being full of AU members!) Or join Soda. Perhaps I’m being a bitter dissident who didn’t get his share of action during his college days. I like to think not, but please decide for yourselves. I just thought it my duty to give a community-spirited warning about unsafe sex in Bangor.
WANTED: investigative journalists proof readers movies reviews feature writers photographers music reviewers
SEREN @ ‘DIPITY
layout designers advertisers games reviewers distribution section editors staff writers culture reviewers sports writers investigative journalists proof readers movies reviews feature writers photographers music reviewers layout designers advertising games reviewers distribution section editors staff writers culture reviewers sports writers investigative journalists proof readers movies reviews feature writers photographers music reviewers layout designers advertising games reviewers distribution section editors staff writers culture reviewers sports writers investigative journalists proof readers games reviewers advertising movies reviews eature writers photographersfmusic reviewers layout designers distribution section editors staff writers culture reviewers sports writers investigative journalists proof readers movies reviews photographers feature writers music reviewers layout designers advertising Much more than just writing stuff...
Find us in the Curved Lounge
3
YOUR GUIDE TO THE FRESHERS’ FAYRE
Serendipity 2002 Main Bar and Lounge Athletic Union Clubs
17 18 18 19 19 17 16 16
20 20
15 15 28 29
21 21 22 22 23 23
29 28 6 6
55 1 1
MAIN BAR 1 Archery 2 Athletics 3 Basketball (Women) 4 Basketball (Men) 5 Badminton 6 Caving 7 Judo
22
33
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
77
88
99
25 25
10 10
26 26 27 27
11 13 13 12 14 12 14 11
44
Gymnastics Cricket (Men) Dance Fencing Football (Men) Football (Women) Golf
24 24
THE LOUNGE 15 Gaelic Football 16 Hockey (Men) 17 Hockey (Women) 18 Ki-Aikido 19 Lacrosse 20 Netball 21 Octopush
22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29
Riding Rugby (Men) Rugby (Women) Squash Swimming Maes Glas Tennis Volleyball
Outside the SU COVERED PATH 1 Canoe Club 2 Mountain Walking 3 Rowing 4 Wu Shu Kwan (Chinese Kickboxing) 5 Skiing 6 Sub Aqua 7 Surf Club 8 Windsurfing 9 BUMS (Climbing) 10 BUGS
ed
e ung Lo
4
Curv
Covered Path
The Circle
Students’ Union
ch Ar
UNDER CURVED LOUNGE 1 Pier tourist information 2 Dimensions/Dru Yoga 3 Wargames and Role Playing Society 4 Trampolining Club 5 Sailing Club 6 Brownies & Guides
Amser/Time
7 BEDS 8 Cinema Club 9 Entertainment Committee THE CIRCLE 1 Sailing Club 2 Debating Society
UNDER MEMORIAL ARCH 1 Revelation 2 BASTARDS (Archeology Society)
Bangor City FC
ADVERTISMENT
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’VE chosen Bangor. Possibly the best-value University city in the UK. Probably the most attractive study location in the UK. Denitely the city with the best team in the domestic Welsh football scene.
Playing in the National League of Wales for the last ten years, Bangor City FC has been the best performing North Wales team over that period–having won the League Championship twice and the Welsh Cup twice. Bangor has also carried the League of Wales banner into Europe on four occasions–travelling to Poland, Iceland, Sweden and, most recently, just a few weeks ago, to Yugoslavia in the UEFA Cup, where they were unlucky to go down to the odd goal in three against crack First Division outt FC Sartid Smederevo. Last season, Bangor nished third in the League of Wales and reached the nal of the Welsh Cup, losing 4–1 to Barry Town. Throughout the season, the Club played attractive, attacking football, nishing the campaign as top League scorers. Playing a major role was Marc Lloyd Williams (now with Southport) who created records left, right and centre, shooting (and heading) on sight to claim 47 League goals, challenging for the European Golden Boot award and gaining the Club publicity on Sky Sports, as well as in The Guardian and The Sun. Under the management of former Nott’s Forest and Manchester United forward Peter Davenport, Bangor aims to add some trophies to the praise won last season. Players to watch out for include former Manchester United and Wales stars Clayton Blackmore and Simon Davies, youngster Owain Jones (recently capped for Wales at U–19 level), and exciting forwards Paul Roberts and Kenny Burgess. The Club has the reputation of having the best fans in the League of Wales–and certainly the gures bear this out. More attend matches involving Bangor than any other team. Local derbies against teams like Caernarfon, as well as matches against top teams from South Wales, such as Barry and Cwmbran, can attract over 1000 fans.
FARRAR ROAD: the statium that Bangor City FC call home Come and join the famous Blue Army at Farrar Road, and nd out what Saturday afternoons were made for— “We are Bangor Aye-Oh-Aye!” Cut out the Bangor City advert in this issue of Seren, hand it in at the gate and get in for just £1.00! (valid for any BCFC xture at Farrar Road) Keep up to date with the Blues by visiting www.citizens-choice.co.uk
Next home fixtures: • 17th September ABERYSTWYTH • 21st September WELSHPOOL TOWN • 24th September TNS (FAW PREMIER CUP) • 5th October OSWESTRY TOWN
#
BANGOR CITY FC SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL TEAM
NEXT HOME FIXTURES 17 SEPT - ABERYSTWYTH 21 SEPT - WELSHPOOL TOWN 24 SEPT - TNS (FAW PREMIER CUP) 5 OCT - OSWESTRY TOWN Tel: 01248 718253/355852 www.citizens-choice.co.uk
HAND THIS ADVERT IN AT THE GATE AND GET IN FOR JUST £1.00! (vaild for any Bangor City game at Farrar Road)
9
CULTURE
The show must go on... Theatre in Bangor for the next term and beyond
BORED OF going to the pub already? Sick of karaoke? Well here are some culturally pleasing alternatives in the form of theatre groups and productions in Bangor. Bangor University’s oldest and longest running theatre group, Rostra will this year be diversifying further following their second successful run at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. A chance to see their selfwritten Fringe hit, Greenlit a witty Hollywood satire, will occur 8.30pm, Tuesday 1st October in Jock’s Bar. Their new productions this semester include an adaptation of Billy Wilder’s classic Some Like It Hot and the possibility of a touring sketch show. Further details can be found at www.geocities.com/ uwb_rostra or at Serendipity. If singing and dancing’s your bag, then you could do a lot worse than Soda. Fresh off the back of Guys and Dolls, the Soda-ites offer another fun-packed year starting with a self-written musical, a variety show at Christmas and their main
show, Mister Cinders, a gender twist on the classic Cinderella story. Both Rostra and Soda look forward to welcoming new
IF ONLY: the proposed refurbishment of JP Hall is laughed out of town.
members of both the performance and technical / backstage variety. A third theatre group, BEDS also exists in Bangor and provides students with an opportunity to be involved with the physical and ‘arthouse’ side of theatre. The group have recently returned from a hugely successful tour of Germany and can be seen this October in a version of Dennis Potter’s Blue Remembered Hills, a World War Two drama exploring the loss of childhood. For a more sedentary approach to fulfilling your cultural needs, as well as watching the productions by the above groups, it’s worth keeping in mind that the Theatr Gwynedd stages a diverse range of (English and Welsh) productions all year round along with Welsh and Hollywood movies. This semester expect to see films such as Minority Report and Pollock and productions including Shakespeare School’s Drama Festival and Two Victorian Tales. –James Dawson
TIME CLUB LISTINGS
The most popular Nightclub in North Wales, for gigs and nights out with friends! • Tues 24th Sept 8pm Pep LePew (UMCB) £5/£6 • Wed 25th Sept 8pm The Jeevas £6
(Crispian Mills x-kula shaker) +The loves + Black Swan
• Fri 27th Sept 8pm Timmy Mallet £5 + School disco
• Tues 1st Oct 7.30Pm Mr Methane/ Regurgitator £5 • Wed 2nd Oct 8pm DJ Cashmoney (USA) £5
Rated Worldwide as the Greatest Hip Hop DJ! 8
• Sat 5th Oct 8pm Bryn Fon £5 +Gwenno
• Wed 9th Oct 8pm Mr Scruff £7 Trouser Jazz Tour
• Thurs 10th Oct 7pm Idlewild £10 • Sat 19th Oct 8pm Jah shaka crew £10/£8 NUS Live:Barry Brown +prince ronnie Universtiy of Roots Tour
ALSO: Don’t forget, 60s, 70s, 80s Every Monday, Free Entry Jukebox Every Friday
YOUR GUIDE TO THE FRESHERS’ FAYRE
25th & 26th Sept Time nightclub 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32
Wales & Border trains Officer Training Corps Security UMCB & Y Ddraenen CYD (Welsh Learners Club) Christians in Sport Christian Union Krypton Clothing Beer & Ale Society Family Planning Bodnant Surgery SODA NUS Wales Catholic Society Concert Band Bangor Islamic Society Investment Club Rostra Music Society Film Society People & Planet Bangor Forest Garden Photographic Society Topshop/Topman* National Blood Service Barclays Liberal Democrats* Chess Club Vanguard Phones 4 U Natwest Endsleigh Insurance
* Wednesday only Way In
40 40 30 30
22 22 23 23 24 24 25 25 26 26 27 27
28 28
33 34 35 36 37
Plaid Cymru Co-operative Group Surfliners Snowdon Gliders Headporter
COMMITTEE ROOM 1 Oxfam 2 United Nations Association* 3 Bangor & Anglesey Peace & Justice Group (Thursday Only)
4 Arthritis Research Campaign CURVED LOUNGE 1 Student Advice & Representation Centre 2 Student Volunteering Bangor 3 Women’s Group 4 Rag 5 Lesbian, Gay & Bisexual Society 6 Nightline 7 Seren SU RECEPTION AU Cards
38 38
37 37
21 20 20 19 19 18 18 17 17 11 21 16 22 16 15 33 15 44 14 14 13 13 55 12 12 66 10 11 11 77 88 99 10
Ground Floor & Basement JOCK’S BAR 1 Duke of Edinburgh 2 Endeavour Society 3 Japanese Society 4 Hellenic Society 5 Philosophy Club 6 Speculative Analysis 7 Storm FM 8 Trash Society 9 Travel Society
39 39
36 36 35 35 34 34 33 33 29 29
31 31
32 32
38 Bangor Chronicle 39 Stage Crew 40 Cafe Society Clothing Co.
AU Cards To get your AU card, bring £10 to the SU reception during Serendipity, or you can visit the AU office on the second floor of the SU. You must become a member of the AU before you can join any University sports club and participate in the Athletic Union activies, i.e. attending training sessions, playing in matches etc. The card also gives you big discounts the AU’s sponsors retail outlet Go For It! Sports (opposite Lunn Polly on the High Street) as well as a number of other sportorientated outlets. Being a member of the AU gives you automatic insurance cover under the BUSA/Endsleigh Gold Policy which is tailor made for student sport. 5
Signs: A Corny Ending MOVIES
THE BEST horror movies know when to keep the frights deep in the shadows and when to let them tiptoe out and wet willy the protagonists. In horror, less is more –the perfect example being the gulf between The Haunting (1963) and The Haunting (1999): the former never shows a single ghost, relying upon sound, performances and direction to scare; the latter has swinging decapitating booby traps, a hilarious CGI baddie ghost, and Mrs Michael Douglas as a crap lesbian. M. Night Shyamalan’s Signs falls between these two extremes. It bravely hides its threats for most of the running time, but daftly squanders its suspense on the home stretch. It’s as if a masturbating teenager had slowly and marvellously built himself up in the ball gown section of his mum’s catalogue only to blow his load on the kinky nude midget centrefold, with onlookers left disappointed at his lack of staying power. Mel Gibson is an ex-priest living with his spooky kids and his cleft lipped bro (played by cleft lipped Joaquin Phoenix) on a farm which is beset by unexplainable corn circles. Is it a hoax? Or... aliens? Shyamalan once again proves himself to be a talented manipulator of the audience. His
ME CUT GRASS GOOD: Mel has a brand new combine harvestor. clever pacing in the suspense scenes allows some lovely jumpy shocks (a simple doggy bark was enough to jitter this journalist); whilst his potentially gimmicky scene lit by tourchlight down in the cellar is pulled off in a manner Shyamalan’s obvious idol Mr Hitchcock would have been proud of (Signs
The Sweetest Thing THIS MOVIE is the bastard love child of Sex And The City and Spiceworld: The Movie. One minute the film offers apparently solid modern female philosophy, the next you find yourself aghast at a musical number celebrating the male love tool to the tune of “I’m Too Sexy”. The film revolves around the whimsical behaviour of the hugely likeable three female leads, Christina (Cameron Diaz), Courtney (Christina Applegate) and Jane (Selma Blair). That is about it. There is no actual plot, more a collection of eclectic set pieces; some girly, some gross-out (Ms Blair receiving the lion’s share of dick/cum jokes) and some just plain weird (“There’s always time for a movie montage” announces Christina). The naked flesh of Diaz and Applegate is also a key feature of the picture. Boys will probably not enjoy this film, but for the girls (and gay men), The Sweetest Thing will provide an evening of likeable popcorn nonsense. HHHII 6
DIAZ SAYS: James Dawson is too big to fit in here. Too big to fit in there.
contains a number of musical and thematic references to Hitch). Comedy amongst the screams is handled well–creating a cosiness that nicely underscores the suspense, whilst performances, particularly by Gibson and the kids, are surprisingly good, with Mel particularly impressive when chit-chatting about lost faith with Phoenix. The most impressive thing about Signs is the manner in which it takes generic cliches of various 50/60s B-movies and attempts to reinvent them through the director’s dark vision. George A. Romero’s Living Dead trilogy is cleverly mirrored throughout the film– from the boarding up of the house, to the treatment of the television and radio as the only links to the outside world. This low key take on the modern sci-fi/horror genre grounds the drama in a pitch perfect family setting where we care for and rarely leave the company of all involved. After such a gleefully suspenseful, well handled first eighty minutes, it’s a crying shame that the ending sells out so much. The unnecessary CGI adversary and the trite spiritual finale destroy almost everything the film has previously strived to keep pure. All subtlety is lost. It’s a shame, as previously, the closest the film got to ejaculation was the superbly handled Brazilian news footage. In fact, the whole thing would go down as a sci-fi/horror great if it wasn’t for the cuteness of the conclusion. News Week recently proclaimed Shyamalan to be ‘the next Steven Spielberg.’ Well, he should be careful not to pick up Stevie’s bad habits as well as good. HHHHI
MUSIC
ALBUM REVIEW
The Music The Music (Hut recordings)
IF THE lamentable (and inevitable) final implosion of The Verve in 1998 left a hole in your life then you have to check out The Music. These Leeds boys are among those spearheading a new wave of psychedelic rock and have been a band to watch out for since the NME included a six-minute instrumental of theirs on a cover disc back in 2001. The much anticipated debut album contains everything a good indie
kid should love - the reverb and echo saturated guitars of ‘space-rock’; the tight, vibrant drumming of ‘baggy’ (Reni would be proud); the pasty wailings of a skinny, northern, white boy and, of course, the tunes. Singles like ‘The People’ and ‘Take
the Long Road and Walk it’ are the stuff indie night anthems are made of, and when they slow down the pace The Music have no need for piano-based balladry, instead following the more ambient path of guitar loops and loose grooves with tracks like ‘Human’ and the massive intro to ‘Getaway’. Careful though, these quiet moments don’t last long before furious riffing comes back to the fore. This is a seriously good album. Buy this if you liked the early work of Ashcroft and his boys. Buy this if you long for the days of the Stone Roses before Squire disappeared up his own arse. Buy this if you’re sick of Slipknot. Just buy it. HHHHH
ALBUM REVIEW
A Rush of Blood to the Head Coldplay (Parlophone)
ALBUM REVIEW
The Remote Part Idlewild (Parlophone) ALONG WITH a tour that visits humble little Bangor (yes!), Idlewild return with another album. Their desperate attempts to be either one of the truly successful or one of the widely acclaimed bands of the early twenty-first century become all the more transparent seeing as The Remote Part is not a huge leap forward for them as musicians or us as listeners. That’s not to dismiss the ‘Wilds. They still sound like The Smiths, had Johnny Marr gotten a bit bored of the jangly jangly and realised what fun could be had from cranking up a Marshall stack, and that’s fine. And let’s not forget that they’ll be playing here in Bangor! The single ‘You held the world in your arms’, with its lush string section, shows Idlewild at their best. Unfortunatly, the rest of the album doesn’t quite live up to its promise. It’s a good album, stuffed with the energetic, bouncy guitar-based indie that we know and love but it won’t be the classic it wants to be and that is it’s only failing. All this aside, I heartily recommend EVERYONE go and see them when they play live at Time on the 10th of October. It’s guaranteed to be a good gig. HHHII
THE COLDPLAY lads finally deliver the follow up to Parachutes, arguably one of the biggest records of 2000, with A Rush of Blood to the Head. So how does it compare? Well, the soaring melodies, anguished vocals and incredibly radiofriendly attitude are all present and correct. In fact, Chris Martin’s vocals are so instantly recognisable that they really don’t need to bother putting the band’s name on the cover at all. The album opens with the fantastically pounding ‘Politik’ before easing into the single ‘In My Place’. And it’s still a beautiful song, regardless of how often it’s been played on the radio or MTV. Next up, ‘God Put A Smile Upon Your Face’, another stand-out track. Then the album starts to go off the boil. It’s back into familiar Coldplay territory - piano ballads and acoustic sing-alongs. Not that it’s a bad thing. Coldplay have made a career out of it, are not about to change and, at the end of the day, at least they’re not fucking Travis. The beautiful ‘Warning Sign’ and the rocking (no, really) ‘A Whisper’ would’ve been the way to end an album. Unfortunately, they don’t end the album. The last two songs, the eponymous ‘Rush of Blood…’ and ‘Amsterdam’, feel flimsy and weak especially when compared to ‘Demons’ on Parachutes. Oh dear. Still a great album, but one that disappointingly leaves a slight haze of ‘could’ve been amazing’. Perhaps expectations were too high. Maybe they weren’t high enough. They miss out on five stars; they’ll have to settle for HHHHI
ALBUM REVIEW
Angels With Dirty Faces Sugababes (Virgin)
KEISHA, HEIDI and Mutya return with their follow up to 2000’s One Touch (which was “all over the place” according to Keisha). The departure of the ginger one and move to a new record label have done the girls a world of good as they present here a well rounded collection of edgy pop songs. The group have shunned the usual pop conventions (two fast, two slow, rest filler) to actually write the majority of the songs, which are themselves hard to classify. Singles ‘Freak Like Me’ and ‘Round, Round’ are probably the fluffiest tracks, while the rest of the collection dips into dance, R’n’B, reggae and soul influences without ever becoming any one thing in particular. The girls make up for a lack in years with an abundance of maturity: they sing about love and sex in an adult way, while conceding they might not be experts themselves. (Disturbing jailbait S Club Juniors take note). Seriously, this may be the best pop album since Spice. I detract a mark for duff rapping on ‘More Than A Million Miles’ and a totally unnecessary remix of ‘Round, Round’. HHHHI —James Dawson 7
Words: Ian Fallon Pictures: Chris Woodward
JUST LOOK AT ‘EM, RON...
...LIKE TERRORISTS ON A U.S. LANDMARK.
SO INNOCENT, SO NAIVE. SO ABOUT TO BE FUCKED BY THE BIG BAD WORLD.
GUYS, LEAVE ‘EM ALONE. REMEMBER WHAT WE WERE LIKE WHEN WE ARRIVED?
WE WERE DICKS!
THANK CHRIST FOR ANDY!
WHAT WAS WITH YOUR HAIR, ALEX?
SHUT UP! POINT IS, WE DIDN’T KNOW BETTER.
...WAS WHEN I WOKE UP, NAKED, IN BOSTON...
IT’S OUR SACRED DUTY.
WE’VE A DUTY TO SEE STUDENTS SETTLE INTO UNIVERSITY LIFE.
AGREED.
YOU’RE RIGHT.
...
LET’S MESS WITH THESE FRESHERS’ HEADS ‘TIL THEY’RE CRYING & WANNA GO HOME.