JuneJuly2006Issue1(1)

June / July 2006

First Issue

...proving Topeka nightlife is more than a vicious rumor

premiere edition (inside this issue) Topeka’s best entertainment listings

nuts

&bolts

who’s Gonad? the Food Guy critiques The Topeka Steakhouse meet the Brew Dude

free - take one

table of contents the boobie trap bar

9

the celtic fox

9

freda and maude

4

the goose one

12

the goose too

8

rendezvous grille

12

topeka civic theatre

4

varsity blues

8

Seveneightfive invites submissions of all manners of art, fiction, poetry, non-fiction and reviews so long as it strictly pertains to Topeka and its immediate surroundings.

All articles must fit our mission: to be the premier entertainment guide to Topeka, highlighting the best offerings while entertaining our witty and intelligent readers.

All submissions sent to seveneightfive become property of the magazine and can be used for publication or promotion. All submissions are subject to edits and space constraints. Please send all submissions to seveneightfive@gmail.com.

all magazines have them and so do we. We at seveneightfive strive for accuracy in all of our materials, regret errors, but cannot be held responsible. We recommend contacting venues to confirm dates and events (plus, sometimes times they change after printing)

disclaimer:

&bolts

nuts

Welcome to the inaugural issue of seveneightfive. The idea for seveneightfive was conceived over a year ago and finally,

after much procrastination, smokes and scotch, we are proud to present you Topeka’s premier entertainment guide. Our

goal is to create a cohesive medium for Topekan’s, highlighting the best offerings in entertainment, dining and shopping.

A name is everything, so we spent countless hours and conducted several focus groups brainstorming the perfect name.

We wanted the magazine name to be classy and witty; original but not to obscure; something which would convey our message without yelling it. Many ideas arose, “The Topeka Tap,” “Rouge,” “Salt and Paper,” “Ashtray,” “Proximity,” and

the “Dome Jumper.” Out of the piles of suggestions, seveneightfive kept coming back to us, and we realized, as it always happens: we had it right from the very beginning.

cheers and see you next issue

from your new friends - kerri and jamie friends, business partners and editors of seveneightfive

Special thanks to our contributing writers, all of whom have supported, cried and celebrated with us to make it possible: Whitney McMahan, Amber Bonnett, Jeff Gill, and Matt the Food Guy.

in this issue we got screwed...2 Does Topeka suck? And if so, who’s really to blame? Follow columnist Whitney as she examines the city’s culture and people.

a timeless tradition...5 Our food guy takes on The Topeka Steakhouse. Find out if his assessment lives up to its reputation for the past 45 years.

brew master...6 The brew dude has created a special recipe for seveneightfive. Since home brewing was legalized, Topekans have been perfecting their skills and becoming masters of this art. Whether you are just getting started or have been running trials and tribulations for years, the brew dude has something for everyone.

puttin’ on the ritz...10 What ever happened to the weird girl in school? She was in every grade with you from kindergarten up; you knew of her, but did you ever know her? Enjoy the witty tale and explore this what-if scenerio, which happens all too often in tiny Topeka, when our literary character runs into old school mate, Gonad.

( opinion ) Just like those runners-up blame the refs, many Topekans blame Topeka.

‘...we got screwed’

m

Whitney Erin McMahan

ost people have observed the average sports fanatic in action; on the edge of his seat, up and down, excessively perspiring and overly ecstatic. Now picture the ref making a disappointing, yet fair, call that, due to his obsession of athletics and team spirit, our fanatic disagrees with. At this point was when the “Athletic Anthem of Decision Disapproval,” the last glimmer of hope, the chant which seems to set things straight, the hymn so often heard throughout area gyms in the ‘90s, chimed through my ears, like it did so many years ago in high school. “NUTS AND BOLTS, NUTS AND BOLTS….

WE GOT SCREWED!” I spent a good portion of the latter ‘90s on the sidelines cheering at varsity basketball games for my high school alma mater, Topeka West High School. I did not recite the “anthem” because it was not only unsportsmanlike-like, but it also went against the Cheerleader Constitution, (adopted by “Momma V,” 1921). However, it was consistently sung by an illegally-intoxicated student section when a ref made a simple call against the home team, whether or not it was fair. “What a clever little phrase,” you’re thinking. It’s even a little catchy. But, after linking it to this issue of seveneightfive, I realized that this pretentious phrase may have a much deeper meaning that may hit a little closer to home for myself and numerous seveneightfive-ers.

This “anthem” was the first thing that came to mind when I was introduced to the theme of the first issue of seveneightfive. And since at first, the relationship of this phrase to the purpose of seveneightfive seemed hazy, I tried diligently to make significant associations. Nuts to bolts, bolts to Topeka, Topeka to nuts…. Then I had it! This chant reminded me of the complaint I hear so often about Topeka, those two words that are the least descriptive but the most meaningful: Topeka sucks.

This is when I made the connection and the analogy. Like the “anthem” is a chant for those runners-up that are jealous and merely looking for someone to blame their lack of skill and competency on, some Topekans use the excuse that “Topeka sucks,” to compensate for their lack of a social life, creativity and spontaneity.

Though many seveneightfive-ers might claim that the “anthem” would be a fitting “anthem” for the seveneightfive district in general (“NUTS AND BOLTS, NUTS AND BOLTS. WE GOT SCREWED.”) As in, we got screwed because we live in Topeka, I think it is a lazy excuse for a social deficiency; just like those runners-up blame the refs, many Topekans blame Topeka.

Hello people? I must remind you, considering my profession as a secondary English teacher, you are personifying Topeka . In real life, Topeka does not breathe. Topeka does not make decisions. Topeka does not keep you from venturing outside your box, trying something new, experiencing novel occasions. Topeka is not to blame.

For those of you that would rather shout this “anthem” loud and clear at the top of Burnett’s Mound, those of you that travel far and wide to escape Topeka, and those of you that swear by those two brilliant words, blame yourself for hiding under that prairie dog and refusing to come out.

After reading this issue, the first of your newest addiction, I challenge you, the skeptic, the cynic, the fanatic, to come down from that bitter bleacher, step in that spirit line, and slap hands with the winning team……. Welcome to the Nuts and Bolts of seveneightfive.

june•july

WHAT TO SEE AND WHERE TO BE SEEN

seveneightfive’s monthly picks of the best events, live music, shows and specials.

spirit of kansas 2006 july 4 Celebrate July 4th at Lake Shawnee with a fireworks show during the 2006 Spirit of Kansas.

Golf Tournament 8 a.m. & 1:30 p.m.

july 1

Parking Lot Party

Kick off your July 4th weekend with a parking lot party, complete with the Malibu Girls and live music from Urban Safari from 8 p.m. to midnight.

Varsity Blues

17th and Jewell • 234-0700

june 29/9 p.m.

Water-ski show at 6:30 p.m.

Concert from 7 p.m. - 9 p.m.

all female comedy

Fireworks at 10 p.m.

Lurlene “The Trailer Court Queen” will be joined with Serena and Grey for a White Trash Jam-boree! Guaranteed to make you laugh.

For more information, call the Shawnee County Parks and Recreation Department at 785-267-1156.

Presented by Midwest Comedy Productions at The 20s Club. For tickets call 272-9665. 2910 Oakley

food specials

50¢ tacos every Sunday and Thursday at the Goose One Happy Hour Specials 4 p.m. - 6 p.m. Rendezvous Grille Authentic Mexican at the Fiesta - July 7 - 16

so you think you’re a star... karaoke

great date night idea Have a blast and show your class at the Topeka Civic Theatre!

Join TCTA Friday, July 7 or Saturday, July 8 as they celebrate the opening weekend of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.

They’ve rolled out the red carpet. They have live entertainment, free flowers for the ladies and other fun surprises and giveaways.

TCTA

357-5213 www.topekacivictheatre.com

westboro mart friday, july 7 First Friday Art Walk and Dessert Night

july 13 - 15

Every Thursday and Saturday at the Goose Too.

Annual Westboro Mart Sidewalk Sale

acoustic jam

july 21

Every Sunday and Wednesday at The Celtic Fox.

open mic night Every Wednesday at The Boobie Trap.

Wine & dinner date-night event at freda and maude. See their listing on the next page for more information.

(seveneightfive 3 )

topeka’s lil’ secret

Topeka Civic Theatre

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A chic brick building off

T

the beaten path on 2nd Street, where Chris and John Grandmontagne house their home furnishings and design visions, is the best kept secret of Topeka’s in-the-know crowd.

Dimly Perceived Threats to the System June 23 - Ju ly 1

Amidst card factories, shipping facilities and bus stations, Warehouse 414 stands out as a beacon in the fog.

When Warehouse 414 opened, it was obvious the Grandmontagne’s had created an atmosphere which would let the modern and vintage pieces speak for themselves. With a sleek white painted floor and mile-high ceilings featuring exposed beams, and a dreamy

he nation’s oldest community dinner theatre, Topeka Civic Theatre offers top-notch dinner theatre (non-dinner seating available), a cutting edge studio series, youth productions and theatre classes for children and adults.

A hilarious journey where fantasy and reality overlap

by Jon Klein Co-Produced by: Slemmons Associates Architects, PA Mom is a management consultant who can’t manage her own life. Dad is making a film about the American family in crisis (while having an affair with his producer).

Daughter Christine is tormenting her school therapist (when not channeling her grandmother’s spirit). Will any of them realize that they need to fight to stay together... or even be willing to? This is a comedy about family you won’t soon forget.

(friday) 8 p.m. show June 23 June 30

(saturday) 8 p.m. show June 24 July 1

effect of crisp air circulating

(sunday)

Beauty & the Beast Ju ly 7-August 12

In minutes, you’ll fall under a spell that will last a lifetime.

Book by Linda Woolverton Lyrics by Howard Ashman and Tim Rice Music by Alan Menken Step into the enchanted world of Broadway’s modern classic, Disney’s Beauty & the Beast. Based on the Academy Award-winning animated feature, the stage version includes all the memorable songs from the film, plus new songs written especially for the stage. Be transported to a lovely French provincial town where the beautiful Belle lives with her father.

He disappears, and when Belle rushes off to find him, she finds herself held captive by a hideous beast in an enchanted old castle. She trades her freedom for her father’s, and so begins this “tale as old as time.”

(thur sday) (friday)

2 p.m. show June 25

7 p.m. show July 13 July 20 July 27

(saturday)

6 p.m. dinner 8 p.m. show every Friday July 7 - Aug 12

6 p.m. dinner 8 p.m. show every Saturday July 7 - Aug 12

(sunday) 2 p.m. show July 23 July 30 Aug 6

through the large space, the raw setting provides a simple foundation for a mix of eclectic to elegant pieces.

Warehouse 414 is a high style home furnishings store with a variety of new designs, antiques and personally made creations to complement the rooms you live in. Here there is an alluring array of lamps and lighting, period and modern furniture, accessories, art and architectural elements which open a world of possibilities with its multitude of inspired shapes, striking patterns and variety of colors; plus, they offer design services to fit your personal style.

see ad pg 12

(seveneightfive 4 )

freda and maude

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f

reda and maude, gifts and gatherings, is a gift shop, bakery and place to meet nestled in the beautiful Westboro area. Shop their unique selection of gifts that will make a lasting impression while enjoying food from Topeka’s only locally owned neighborhood bakery.

friday, july 7

(6:30 p.m. - 9:30 p.m.)

First Friday Art Walk and Dessert Night

Meet artists from the Topeka Branch National League of American Pen Women, who will be showing their work throughout July. Bring a friend for fantastic desserts, locally roasted coffee and sample our newly expanded line of drink mixers and rimmers.

july 13-15 (thur sday -saturday)

Annual Westboro Mart Sidewalk Sale!

date night event (july 21 - r svp by 17th)

Enjoy an entree choice of Miso

what’s new at westboro bakery?

& Sake Marinated Salmon or

View daily lunch specials online at: www.fredaandmaude.com

Wine, fresh bread and our

Hours: T-F 7:30 a.m. - 5 p.m. / Sat 8 a.m. - 3 p.m. (freda and maude will be closed for summer vacation July 24-28)

Mushroom Beef Tenderloin. amazing desserts are included.

RSVP by July 17. $50 per person. More info and full menu online.

Wine Dinner - Ju ly 21 - c a l l 234-8100 for res er vati ons to d ay

(

restaurant review

)

There they were, two gigantic slabs of sizzling beef, complemented by baked potatoes wrapped in aluminum foil and topped with butter and sour cream. Truly a sight to behold.

a timeless tradition

i

Matt - the food guy

f you’re looking for steak in its purest, most untainted form, you need to head east on Highway 40. Cruise past the Oakland Expressway interchange, and turn into the gravel parking lot of The Topeka Steakhouse.

There you’ll find a behemoth of a white building; a place where huge, sizzling slabs of meat have been served for over 45 years. A place where time seems to stand still. While here, you can almost see yourself step back in time, sporting heavy dark denim jeans, a white t-shirt, a black leather jacket, and topped off with greasedback hair in a duck tail.

This place makes you feel small. Whether it’s when you walk past the owner, Maurice, sitting high at a podium by the door, or when you sit down in one of the oversized booths, or even when you’re presented with your mammoth chunk of meat, served to you on white-hot iron plates. Everything about the Topeka Steakhouse emanates an aura of comfort, safety- almost like a kid, even if you’re parents were just teenagers themselves when the joint first opened.

The Food Gal and I visited The Topeka Steakhouse on a Friday evening. It was fairly late to be having dinner, especially

by Topeka standards. She, having never been there prior to this visit, was immediately taken in by the retro-style carpeting, the wood-paneled walls, the vinyl booths, and the table tops which are decorated with advertisements from local companies, many of which have long since gone out of business. But this restaurant has stood the test of time by sticking to what it does best: pleasing its loyal diners by offering some of the best service you’ll ever find and by serving the best cuts of meat you could possibly imagine.

The menus are a sure conversation starter. How old are these? Are these prices current? Each menu has been typed out—yes, I said “typed.” I’d venture to guess they haven’t changed in at least 10 years, maybe even more. They are simple to read, though there are so many choices you should plan on spending at least 10 minutes to get through every offering. I opted for the 12 oz. Ribeye, though our server, Catherine, nearly had me sold on the pork ribs which she boldly declared to be, “The Best Ribs in the World.” The Food Gal chose the 8 oz. Sirloin—a “can’t miss” when it comes to cuts of meat. Exactly five minutes after placing our orders, we were presented with our salads. The Food Gal was unimpressed by the shredded lettuce and carrots, but I, being a true steak house connoisseur, understood the purpose of this salad: to keep me busy while my steak was grilling. It worked too. Right after I finished up my bowl of salad, our steaks were hauled out of the kitchen. I heard them coming, sizzling on the iron plates all the way to our table. There they were, two gigantic slabs of sizzling beef, complimented by baked potatoes wrapped in aluminum foil and topped with butter and sour cream. Truly a sight to behold.

What could I say about this steak except, WOW! Perfectly cooked to my liking. Slightly crispy on the edges, with a glowing reddish-pink center. Juices soon covered by plate, giving me something to dip my roll in. These steaks weren’t over-seasoned, but they were sure packing a punch of flavor. I’m guessing salt and pepper were the only seasonings added, making the beef the focal point for my taste buds. Needless to say, I was in heaven. The Food Gal seemed pretty content too, although she struggled to finish her 8 oz. serving—I think the butter and sour cream loaded potato distracted her from the meat—a novice mistake.

So how much did this feast set me back? Two steaks, salads, baked potatoes, rolls, a cold beer for her and a water for me. Any guesses? $31.32 was the total bill. I practically did cartwheels all the way to the cashier, and I DID dance a little jig while we were leaving. I’ll be visiting again soon. And you can bet I’ll be ordering, “The Best Ribs in the World” the next time I stop in.

(seveneightfive 5)

seveneightfive Pale Ale

This beer is a hoppy, crisp ale with a

( brews ) You would be surprised how many people, young and old, around Topeka are brewing quality beers. And messing up a batch isn’t so bad when you get to drink away your “failure.”

strong citrus/hop aroma. It is a robust

hoppy bitterness malty sweetness

beer which will age well, being at its peak around 1-2 months after bottling.

This is an excellent brew for Topeka’s steamy summer months.

ingredients/recipe makes 5 gallons malts 11 #2 - Row Base Malt 1 #20 L - Crystal Malt 0.5 # - Wheat Malt

hops 1 oz. Northern Brewer 7-10% AA 60 min. .5 oz. Norther Brewer 7-10% AA 30 min. .25 oz. Cascade 4-6% AA 30 min. .25 oz. Cascade 4-6% AA 15 min.

1 oz. Cascade 4-6% AA Dry Hop yeast Wyeast 1056 American Ale Yeast

Boil for 20 minutes prior to adding first hops. At the end of the boil, let it steep for about 20 minutes prior to quickly chilling and adding to the fermenter.

Don’t forget Irish moss in the boil! For an extract brew, use about 8.5 # of high quality liquid extract and steep 1# of 20 L crystal malt in 165F water for 20 minutes and then add that “tea” to the wort with about 20 minutes remaining.

Mmmmmmm! Happy Brewing!

(seveneightfive 6 )

o

Jeff Gill - the brew dude

ne of the most intriguing aspects of brewing your own beer or wine is shaping a recipe to your own individual tastes. Unless you get really lucky, this process takes a lot of patience.

Most homebrewers are pretty laid-back, but adjusting a recipe to hit the perfect combination of hoppy bitterness and malty sweetness in a pale ale, or getting rid of a funky aftertaste can be “dump-the-bottle” frustrating. I find this challenge keeps me making batch after batch.

If you run into brewers-block on a recipe, just remember that consistency in the brewing process is the single most important aspect of recipe formulation. This process begins when you crack the grain and ends when the mug goes bottom up. Consistency combined with one or two variations in a recipe per brew will allow you to hone in on what affects the taste of the final product. Noting how the changes affect the taste from batch to batch will help you adjust the recipe for the better and improve your brewing skills. It will also probably have you boring your friends with endless, one-sided discussions of topics like buttery off-flavors, esters and lag times; but hey, they’ll be getting free beer.

A good place to start building a recipe for your own tastes means asking for the recipe of a beer style you like from an good, experienced homebrewer. For you experienced brewers out there, I encourage you to seek out people who are interested in beer and homebrewing and bring them into the fold. For you brewers who feel like you could use a little mentoring, ask around at the local homebrew supply store or brewpub. You’ll be surprised how many people, young and old, around Topeka are brewing quality beers and want to share their experience with you.

If you don’t have a brewing mentor, a place to start may be the example recipe I’ve included with this column, if you like pale ale; which I’m betting you do if you are reading this column.

Just remember the fundamentals of consistency, cleanliness, quality ingredients and plenty of yeast to start fermentation quickly and you will soon be enjoying gallons of great beer tailored to your exact individual taste.

You may want to try this little brew, aptly named for the inaugural issue.

Ask the Brew Dude questions about brewing at brewdude1@gmail. com Your question might be featured in an upcoming column!

The Goose Too

5630 SW 29th Street • 785.273.8811

N

ot your typical neighborhood bar, The Goose Too has been a hotspot for Topeka nightlife for years. Come sit out on the patio, listen to the jukebox or take advantage of great food and drink specials.

(sunday)

(wednesday)

$4.50 domestic pitchers $2 bloody marys

(friday)

$2 wells $2.50 16 oz. domestic bottles

$2 wells $2.50 16 oz. domestic bottles

(monday) $2 domestic bottles $3 UV mixers

(saturday)

(thur sday)

$2.50 domestic headaches $1 domestic draws $3 Vodka / Screaming Eagles

$2.50 domestic headaches $1 domestic draws $3 Jack Daniels $3 Jager / Tuaca Bombs

(tuesday) 50 tacos $2.75 import bottles $2.50 Boulevard pints $2.50 Sauza Gold margaritas

Highlights Karaoke every Thursday and Saturday night.

Be the star or sit back and enjoy the show while sipping on one of the great drink specials!

Now under new ownership • Come join us!

(seveneightfive 8)

$1 margaritas shot specials: $2.50 1800 $3.50 Silver Patron Philly Steak Sandwich

(friday)

$1 domestic draw $2.50 UV cocktails $2.50 32 oz. dom. draws Burnt Ends & Side

$2.50 import bottles $2 domestic bottles $2.50 32 oz. dom. draws All-American 1/2 lb. burger (1 side $4.99)

(saturday)

$1 wells $2.75 Guinness pints Puck Mondays

(wednesday)

(sunday)

Available for rent.

Call Kim at 234-0700 to book your next party or bar-b-que.

$4 domestic pitchers $3 Jager Bombs

(1 side $5.99)

$2 domestic bottles Rib Tips & Side

(Meal $6.99 • Snack $3.99)

(Meal $8.99 • Snack $4.99)

Highlights 7/1: Parking lot party w/Malibu girls.

Urb an Safari: 8 - midnight B YOL C (bring your own lawn chair)

(as many as you want: 99c ea.)

(thur sday)

Contact seveneightfive at seveneightfive@gmail. com for more information.

C

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ome as you are to this neighborhood bar! Varsity Blues Bar and Bar-B-Que offers daily lunch, dinner and drink specials as well as catering and live music. Every Sunday, Varsity Blues is available for rent. Hours: M-R 10:30 a.m.- 1 a.m. F/S open till 2 a.m.

(monday)

Draw in a whole new crowd of seveneightfivers by listing your entertainment in the only guide of its kind in Topeka!

Varsity Blues

(tuesday)

Advertise your upcoming events!

Live music (check bar for bands and dates)

T h u r s d a y ’s 8 p.m.

No Limit Te x a s H o l d ‘ E m

Full menu until midnight • Opens early at 10:30 a.m.

brown bag concerts

The Celtic Fox

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Irish Pub and Restaurant

T

he Fox is a comfortable blend of impeccable standards, Irish family values, outstanding food and a spirit of community. The Fox is like the village inspired pub dotting the countryside of Ireland for centuries, where great conversation, good humor, lively music and great memories are at the heart of a wonderful culture.

drink specials (sunday)

$4 domestic pitchers (monday)

99¢ margaritas (tuesday)

acoustic jam

nuts and bolts

Sunday and Wednesday

Schedule your events and parties with us: Two Private Dining Rooms Special Party Menus Download banquet menu on website

live music

7/7: Steve Kile 7/8: Happy to be Groovin

All of the Celtic Fox’s Traditional Irish Food is available for carry-out

$2 Tuesdays

(Dom. drafts & bottles, Well’s and Margaritas)

(wednesday)

7/14: The Buzz 7/15: Glen Finnan

Full lunch and dinner menu every day

$2 well drinks

fox facts

(thur sday)

$1.25 domestic drafts (friday)

$3.25 Yellowtail wines (saturday)

$2.25 Miller products

On the last day of December 1759, Arthur Guinness bought an old, dilapidated brewery on Dublin’s St. James St. He had just signed a lease on the property for 9,000 years at 45 pounds per year.

7/21: Sky Dog 7/22: Bridges 7 / 2 8 : T h e B LT B a n d 7 / 2 9 : Ve l v e t B l u e s Revue

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July 23 Sized up Clique (Law) Empty Top July 30 State of Empathy (Top)

Every Wednesday Open Mic Night FREE Beer Show up for details

July 27 Leftover (CA) Stiffler (NY) Fight Biff (Top) June 29 Acoustic All Star Jam July 7 Alibi 6 Band Brawl Owtlaw (KC) KTP (Law) Whoracle (Top) July 14 Alibi 6 Band Brawl By the Book (Top) Jeremy Williams & the Homosapiens (IN) Kennedy Luck Club (Top)

(fridays con’t)

July 20 Whoracle (Top)

(saturdays)

July 16 In Memory (CA) L.A.O. (TN)

July 11 Grimace Eponine Yard Art Project (Top)

(thur sdays)

June 27 Another Yesterday (Wic) Dance Party ‘til close

(fridays)

July 9 Aberration (Top) Voodoo Blue (MI) Neutral Boy (WA)

(mondays)

July 2 DJ PBR Girl

Every Monday DJ - PBR Girl

(tuesdays)

he Boobie Trap Bar is a favorite stop for bands from around the country. With a wide variety of music offerings and great specials nearly every night of the week, this venue is a can’t miss when seeking great entertainment. Check their web site for the latest updates on events.

(wednesdays)

(sundays)

The Boobie Trap Bar June 25 BRP (WI) Killer B Team (Top) Lawrence Letterday

June 29: Streetside (Doo-wop, Country, Gospel) July 6: Big Woody’s Blues Review (Motown, Funk, Lt. Jazz, Blues and Rhythm & Blues) July 13: Paradize (Tex-Mex, Tejano, Country) July 20: Bridges (R&R and Oldies, Folk, originals) July 27: Borderline (Country, 50s & 60s, R&R, Folk, Bluegrass)

We l c o m e t o t h e F a m i l y !

T

Take a lunch break downtown and enjoy these absolutely free concerts.

Concerts are held at 8th and Quincy from 11:30 a.m. - 1 p.m. Tables and chairs are provided by Downtown Topeka Inc.

July 21 and 28 Alibi 6 Band Brawl Semifinals

July 8 Odius (Desoto) The Noise (Pittsburg) Gryphyn (Law) Pottersville (Top) July 15 Alibi 6 Band Brawl Forever Confided (Top) July 22 It’s all about the Benjamin (Top)

evening concerts in the park Enjoy a beautiful summer night at Gage Park while listening to some of Topeka’s best big bands.

All concerts are Thursday and Sunday nights beginning at 7:30 p.m.

6/25: Topeka Jazz Workshop 6/29: Topeka Santa Fe Band 7/2: Marshall’s Civic Band 7/6: Topeka Jazz Workshop 7/9: Marshall’s Civic Band 7/13: Marshall’s Civic Band 7/16: Topeka Santa Fe Band 7/20: Marshall’s Civic Band 7/23: Topeka Santa Fe Band 7/27: Topeka Santa Fe Band 7/30: Topeka Jazz Workshop

((seveneightfive 9) )

(

feature

)

puttin’ on the ritz Amber B onnett - appleinvasion@yahoo.com

“I am a Sexpert!” cried Gonad. Her pale milky-way freckled arms flailed about her permed head and pointed to her rickety computer. She swiveled around smugly in her zebra printed desk chair, finger still pointing out her new title.

Sure enough, the word ‘Sexpert’ hung emblazoned across her computer like a sash. She swung around, grabbed for the corner of her desk and scrabbled with an elderly mange riddled troll doll. Regaining her position in front of her keyboard, she shouted at me although I had walked in the room right behind her.

“Let me read it to you,” she called. She tossed her thin dry brown curls to the side as she read the description of what she, a Sexpert, was.

“When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends.” She whirled back around and looked me in the eye. “So what is it I can help you with,” she concluded. She swept an orange ink pen from the clutter behind her and stuffed it behind her ear. The googly-eyed pencil topper crowning the eraser lolled at her, gazing unfocused into her satisfied face.

I can assure you that Gonad was not a Sexpert. Most of her sexual experiences came from filling out “Cosmo” questionnaires and reading a wounded copy of Danielle Steele’s “A Perfect Stranger.” In high school, while many fluffy-haired girls were blaming their hickeys on curling-iron burns, Gonad burned herself with her Sassy crimper, paraded around in a unitard and jeans and boasted to everyone in the back of the bus about the all-night make out session she had perpetrated with her boyfriend, Brad. Brad was not a real boy. Brad was a Cory Feldman poster she had tacked above her bed with pink push pins. Also, her real name was Bradena.

A real boy named Brad had given her the nickname of Gonad during a round of dodge ball in fifth grade when her gym pants bunched into her crotch, producing not a camel toe, but something that did in fact look uncomfortably related to a testicular sack.

rito came Gonad. She brought it to my table, shoved it onto the speckled Formica and slid into the electric blue booth seat across from me.

We talked about the town. They had gotten a McDonalds. The high school band played for the opening. We gossiped about townsfolk. We talked about what had happened since graduation. She had been fired from her job at the Dairy Queen.

She said it was because she had turned a Blizzard over to demonstrate its rich thick creaminess and it had dumped on the floor. I had heard it was because she would not stop wearing cut-offs to work. She invited me to her house after her shift. Twenty minutes later, I was watching her answer quizzes on the Internet.

I scratched an itch on my thigh and thumbed through the magazines scattered on her pink and yellow flip flop patterned bedspread. His Butt: What the size, shape and pinchability of those sweet cheeks reveal about his true self; Too Skinny Stars: They swear they don’t diet—LIARS; Caught with Their Pants Off: Need a giggle?

Just devour these humiliating tales of mid-booty busts. I flipped to the last story.

I turned to the next page.

It was surreal sitting in Gonad’s room. I had not been very good friends with her in high school. I had always been a little embarrassed associating with her for any reason. As our lockers sidled up beside each other, I attempted to keep my distance.

Girls would giggle under their Hubba Bubba breaths, and laughing boys would subtly try to push each other into her as they passed. I imagined myself pushing those boys back, standing up for the sketchy girl next to me, the russet hallway erupting into a choreography of ninjas, of which I was the righteous leader. My assault inevitably terminated as I thought out what it would mean to be paired with Gonad. It seems I did not have the fortitude required to live out the remainder of my years at Osceola High School known as The Other Testicle. Together we would be known as Nutsack. I couldn’t handle it. Now in the confines of her balloon stenciled walls, the name of her friends inscribes with puff paint Bradena + Jennifer = BFF, I watched her gel her hair. Two hours ago I had just come into town to visit my grandmother, and now here I was examining her coat her tresses with a light dusting of White Rain.

Immediately after entering the city limits, I ran into her at our local family-owned restaurant, Adventures In Eating. I ordered a Jungle Safari Burrito. With the bur-

(seveneightfive 10)

She stared at me underneath a fringe of singed bangs. “What, you aren’t gonna give me the dirt on your sex life?”

“You don’t have any problems or anything juicy to talk about?”

“Um, no,” I lied. It was not that I did not have any problems or anything “juicy” to talk about, I simply could not seem to make the transition into that conversation with her. Not with her staring at me like that.

She stood up from her chair, knocking off an encampment of blinking Mardi Gras beads from a pink lamp shade.

“Okay, fine. I do.” She hit her chest with an open hand and sighed. “Want to hear about it? I’ll go first.” She walked over to a bookcase pasted with pictures of cats, faces, oiled torsos and shiny mouths cut out of glossy monthlies. Brushing a pile of videotapes aside, she uncovered a giant tape player. She pressed the mammoth Play button. A beat began, imitating someone slowly dribbling a flat basketball followed by technoid handclaps. A synthesized flutter filled the air. She turned the volume up. “If you’re blue and you don’t know where to go to, why don’t you go where fashion sits…Puttin’ On the Ritz.”

“Is that a Taco tape?” I asked incredulous. I was shocked to find that a Taco tape had somehow survived from the eighties into the angry nineties and was now marching into the new millennium. I suddenly found myself envious of this possession. “Super-Duper!” sang an android robot in the background.

She moved to her dresser as if I had said nothing at all. She turned her curling iron on and sat down in a red and white striped ice cream parlor chair.

“There was this guy Jimmy,” she began. “I started dating him for a couple of weeks and all he ever did was talk about wrestling. All the time with this wrestling. I would be like, ‘Jimmy, let’s go see a movie, ‘Basic Instinct 2’ is playing at the theater,’ and he would just start in talking about his wrestling.”

She pulled her hair back in a striped scrunchy, straining the thin hair at her temples. I watched her from behind through her dresser mirror. She opened a tub of something with the label flaking off and began applying it to her face. It was minty green.

“Every time I wanted to do anything, like watch a movie, or anything else, he had some wrestling thing he had to do. When he did come over to watch a movie or something he talked all the way through it. I would be sitting there lookin’ all cute, with a bowl of popcorn that I had made for him and he wouldn’t even hold my hand. One day I asked him to come over to my friend Jeannie’s house, we were gonna have a party. I bought all this beer and we had chips and stuff. So I asked him to come over to the party, and he said he had to go paint wrestling dolls with his friend Mitch. Finally I was like, ‘Are you gay or somethin’? You are always painting wrestling dolls with Mitch.’ So he gets mad, called me a bitch. We broke up. Turns out he wasn’t gay at all. Now he is dating Tawny, a girl I worked with at the Dairy Queen. She’s the one that fired me. Probably because I was dating Jimmy. That’s fine.

She can have him. She can talk to him about all his stupid wrestling all the time. See how long that lasts.”

“What is that green stuff,” I asked from the bed. She had put down the first tub and had opened a second, containing a yellow paste. “Oh, it gets rid of the red in my face. This yellow stuff is supposed to get rid of circles.” Her entire face was covered in green lines. She smeared the yellow stuff under her eyes.

“It brings out your eyes.”

“I think it makes me look glamorous.” She rested her chin and surveyed herself in the mirror. “It says, I am not afraid to be a little risky.” She smiled at herself. Her small, pointy teeth overlapped each other as if vying for attention. “You know, I know I’m not pretty in a classic kind of way, so I have to work with what I’ve got.”

She gazed at the faces taped to her bookshelf out of the corner of her eye. “My grandma always used to put these big bows in my hair every morning. She would pull my hair back and shove it on the top of my head. One day my mom came to visit me and she said that my nose was way too big to be wearing my hair back like that and I knew she was right.”

I remembered those ridiculous bows she used to wear around in school, like a kayak had been sandbarred on the top of her skull. I remembered cackling about it in band class as I stood behind her with the other drummers, launching little airplanes and birds towards it as if the little men marooned on the boat on her head had been signaling SOS with the sequined mirrors. Something about her story reminded me of the time my Sunday school teacher Shirley had told me whenever I sang it sounded like I was pushing something out of my nose. Until then I had been the loudest singer in all of church, proudly belting out the alto harmony to my sister’s delicate soprano. When she told me that, I wanted to spit on her. I think I may have been wearing a bow in my hair that day.

A saloon-style piano solo cut disjointedly into the song, cutting into my reverie.

“Move… Move…You gotta dance… You gotta dance,” Taco Ockerse crooned dreamily.

Gonad pushed the sharp points of the French hook earrings into her pierced ears.

The earrings were long, dangly, with little saxophones and music notes affixed to the bottom. “These earrings draw the attention away from my face and down to my neck. I have a pretty good neck I think.” She did, in fact, have a good neck.

Long and slender, not a freckle on it. A quiet oasis between the speckled riot of her face and shoulders.

“Yeah, people are weird like that,” I said. “You know, it’s kind off like a buffet, don’t you think? When you want a conversation about plants, you can always call your plant friend, when you want to talk about your friend’s boyfriend, you call your Gonad stood up and disappeared into her closet. Clothes flew out from the doorfriend who always talks about her boyfriend, when you want to listen to someone way onto the pile on the floor. The closet doors shook as she repeatedly hit her get drunk and act like an asshole, usually that guy who always wants to get drunk elbows or something on the wood, jittering the doors off their track. She emerged and act like an asshole will go ahead and call you.” I had come up with this theory holding up a black dress. “I hope it’s not too slutty,” she giggled. “It is cut a little about a people buffet a couple of weeks ago. It was pretty stupid really, but it did low, but I think the black makes me look mysterious.” She unzipped the back seem that way sometimes. I was not really sure if the buffet was really a good or a and slid it on over her clothes. She removed her jeans from underneath the dress bad thing. Sure, people could be a little preand pulled her shirt out through the sleeve. dictable I guess, but I imagine it would be “What do you think?” terribly disconcerting if there were not that familiarity, that person-ness of everyone, if The dress did not look slutty. The neckline She had been fired from her job at the Dairy you never knew who anyone would be at did not even show cleavage. It scooped just Queen. She said it was because she had any particular time. beneath her pronounced collarbones. I felt a little self-conscious about my own choice turned a Blizzard over to demonstrate its “I guess so,” replied Gonad. She was now of attire. I glanced down to my shirt, unbusy applying a thick layer of make-up over buttoned to where you could almost see rich thick creaminess and it had dumped her multicolored face. All blended together the thin line of satin connecting the left it looked a little murky. “I am kind of likand right sides of the bra. More than a few on the floor. I had heard it was because she ing this guy I am going out with tonight. He times in public, my sister enacted the duty works out at the facility. He doesn’t always that she called ‘areola check’, making loud would not stop wearing cut-offs to work. talk about the same thing. Actually he is rebird noises if one of my breasts had come ally funny. You should hear some of the stopopping out. ries he tells. We’re going to karaoke tonight at the Tattletale.”

“You look nice,” I said.

“Dressed up like a million dollar trooper, tryin’ hard to look like Gary Cooper.” I self-consciously stopped swaying to the music. I really was starting to covet this tape.

“What do you think about this eyeshadow?” A powdery layer of blue appeared above her brown eyes.

“Will you zip this up for me?” she asked.

“Sometimes my hair gets in the way.”

(seveneightfive 11)

w w aa rr e e hh o o uu ss e e

414

...a high style home furnishings store with an eclectic mix of new designs, antiques and

414 east second street topeka, 66604 topeka, kansas kansas 66604 785-232-8008 785-232-8008

414pieces... east second street vintage

monday & thursday 11 a.m. - 6 p.m. saturday 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. by chance or by appointment 414 east second street topeka, kansas 66607 785-232-8008

The Goose One

3 2 0 3 S W Te n t h S t r e e t • 7 8 5 . 3 5 7 . 8 4 7 4

G

ood times and great people, The Goose One is a Topeka tradition. With an outdoor patio area, friendly patrons, a pool table and more, it’s a venue you don’t want to miss. Check specials to receive fabulous prices whether you’re looking to quench your thirst, feed the beast or both.

(tuesday)

(sunday) $2.50 domestic headaches 50 tacos $1.50 taco burgers $ 2 Coors bottles

(thur sday)

$1.75 domestic bottles $3.50 Grey Goose Drinks $4 Goose sandwich $8.95 KC Strip w/ potato & garlic toast

(monday)

(wednesday)

$2 wells and margaritas $3.50 cheeseburger w/ side 25 wings

(saturday)

$2.50 domestic headaches $1 domestic draws 50 tacos $1.50 taco burger

$2 domestic bottles $4 mini corn dogs $4.25 Philly Big Ass w/ side 25 wings

(friday)

$2.50 import bottles $3 Weller & Coke $3.50 cheeseburger w/side

$2.50 margaritas $2.50 Budweiser products in aluminum bottles $4 fish & chips or fish sandwich $5.25 shrimp basket

Don’t forget to check out www.seveneightfive.com to view the magazine online!

Lose your magazine?

chris & john grandmontagne

(seveneightfive 12)

Rendezvous Grille

7 t h a n d K a n s a s • 7 8 5 . 2 3 3 . 0 0 8 6 • w w w. D t p k 1 @ c o x . n e t

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argaritas, margaritas, margaritas. The Rendezvous Grille offers the fabulous 50 margaritas menu as well as a full lunch, dinner and take-out menu. Open Monday-Saturday from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. with Happy Hour specials 4 - 6 p.m. and lunch specials M-F 11 a.m. - 3 p.m.

drink specials

happy hour specials 4p.m. - 6 p.m.

(monday)

Margarita Madness

Get any two of our 50 fabulous Margaritas for the price of one

(monday) (tuesday)

$1.50 16 oz. drafts

25¢ wings

(wednesday)

house wine special $2 glass of any house wine

(wednesday)

$2 domestic bottles $1.50 from the well

(thur sday)

(friday)

$2.50 32 oz. headaches

(saturday)

$3 16 oz. L.I.T.’s

Kansas Street Promenade

vanilla vodka, gin, tequila, triple sec and cinnamon schnapps

$1 for two tacos

(tuesday)

(thur sday)

try this month

$5 Italian combo appetizer Calamari, mozzarella sticks and fried ravioli

$2.50 cheese fries (friday)

1/2 price appetizers

Beef Skewers

Juicy tenderloin pieces, rolled in our special seasoning and grilled to your liking

Rattlesnake Pasta

Spicy chicken, red pepper, green pepper and onions served on top of our fettuccine alfredo

Sweet Bourbon Salmon

8 oz. salmon fillet marinated in our sweet bourbon marinade

Where good people come together!

(special events) Music, food, dance, family and friends await you....

Fiesta Mexicana 73rd Anniversary presented by Our Lady of Guadalupe Church

fiesta mexicana carnivale Fiesta Mexicana contracts with Heart of America Carnival Shows out of Texas. Heart of America offers a variety of entertainment for all age groups. The Midway carnival has numerous rides, games and food booths. There are many rides for the younger audience, from the Merry-Go-Round to the Gator Roller Coaster. For a little faster, but still gentle rides, we have the Gondola, Swings and the ol’ favorite, Ferris Wheel. For the thrill seekers the Heart of America Shows offers the Tsunami, Gravitron, Kamikaze, and a whole lot more.

Carnival tickets are available separately or in discount blocks. Wrist bands are also sold each night for unlimited riding.

schedule of events fiesta mexicana art show An exhibit of color, form and expression by some uniquely talented families in our barrio community.

The shows starts at 4:30 every day of the Fiesta. For more information, contact Joe Rocha, art show coordinator at 232-9511.

parade The 73rd Fiesta Mexicana Parade is one of the kick-off community events for the Fiesta Mexicana. This year’s theme is “Raices de Nuestra Juventud” “Roots of Our Youth.”

The parade is set for Friday, July 7, in the downtown area at 8:30 p.m., but the fiesta kicks off 5 p.m. at the 8th & Quincy area around TPAC.

Friday, July 7 Parade 8:30 p.m.

Saturday, July 8

Run/Walk-Oakland Community Center 8 a.m.

concerts Thursday, July 13 Sunny Sauceda

Friday, July 14

Coronation Ball

Ag Hall, 8:30 p.m. - midnight

Grupo Lumbre Mariachi Campanas de America

Sunday, July 9

Saturday, July 15

Opening Mass - Our Lady of Guadalupe Church, 10 a.m.

Tuesday-Saturday July 11 - 15

Ruben Ramos Mariachi Campanas de America

Fiesta Mexicana & Carnival

getting there

Saturday, July 15

Board the Fiesta shuttle at the Judicial Center Beat the traffic and avoid parking hassles! The Fiesta trolley runs between the Kansas Judicial Center at 10th and Jackson to the Fiesta grounds daily between the hours of 5 and 10 p.m.

Fiesta Golf Tournament - 7 a.m.

Western Hills

Sunday, July 16

Closing Mass - Our Lady of Guadalupe Church, 10 a.m.