Bethany Carson, "Underwater Explorer" (poem)

BETHANY CARSON | UNDERWATER EXPLORER

Just below the surface Of the six baths I’ve taken These eight years Since my children were born, I become the stonefish again.

The other mothers In the sea of air above Move like bright fish— Flash and quicken. They are singing mermaids,

Jeering sharks. Even their shadows At this height, This depth, Dance. Their teeth smile Or gnash, As a mother’s should.

But we Who are the stonefish Have only one still face, stare At the sand, Feel the easy water slice Against each of our spines— That liquid flow cut Over and over By our backs that are a thousand knives. We who are the stonefish Hear our own heart thud

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Against the ocean floor Like a smothered clock.

From the world above the water, though, Where the sun moves And the moon, I have learned to sing the mermaid’s song. I listened for years From beneath the surface Until I had it right.

And now I sit with my son on his blue bed As he turns the pages and recites: Cone fish, box jelly, angel fish, eel. When he grows up, he says, He’ll be an underwater explorer. Will he someday find me there, In my true form?

Santa Fe Literary Review 5