Susan Buzzi’s domestic violence documentary, titled “This is How I Feel,” aims to raise awareness of domestic violence and how it can affect a victim. Buzzi created this photodocumentary by manipulating photos she took on the computer. Her artwork will be on display until Oct. 22 at the Sunrise Civic Center Theatre and Gallery. Buzzi’s motivation for creating this artwork is the alarming statistics surrounding both men and women in intimate relationships.
Domestic violence can be physical or psychological, in which abusers incite fear, blame, or guilt, along with physical violence, such as hitting, kicking, or sexual assault. Domestic violence is a toxic cycle in which the abused person often feels like they cannot leave the relationship.
Buzzi’s artist statement reveals, “With this particular series, entitled ‘This is How I Feel,’ my focus is directed toward the issues
of sexual abuse and assault; and domestic violence. Along with the widespread impact of the COVID-19 crisis, statistics have alarmingly increased and the dialogue has become critical. These are uncomfortable, yet necessary conversations taking place across the country and we all must learn the warning signs, and to be observant and vigilant.”
As a former law enforcement officer, Buzzi is very familiar with this. She said that most people know someone or know someone who knows someone who has been abused or assaulted. Domestic violence has impacted her family personally, and as a law enforcement officer, this is something very important to her.
She got a grant called the Individual Artist Grant through the Broward County Cultural Division. They fund grants several times a year for artists who have proposed an idea to them. Buzzi proposed the idea through hope,
healing, and awareness.
“The message really is to be aware of the statistics. They’re mindblowing.”
She continues to explain how domestic violence is especially common in the LGBT community because people don’t report violence due to stigma and judgment, and some statistics are categorized in the wrong place. For example, “Around 44% of lesbian and 61% of bisexual women have experienced forms of rape and physical violence by an intimate partner as compared to 35% of straight women,” reports dcvlp. com. “Pay attention to your friends and family to help that person if they need help, because sometimes they never have the courage to ask.”
“My main goal is to be able to educate people and empower our youth and inform them more. Give them information to deal with so they can become better young men and women in society.”
“THE MESSAGE
IS TO BE
OF THE STATISTICS. THEY’RE MINDBLOWING.”
- Susan Buzzi
Atlanta City Council member Liliana Bakhtiari, the first queer Muslim to hold elected office in Georgia, has come out as non-monogamous.
This makes Bakhtiari the second IranianAmerican on the council and just one of a few nonbinary elected officials nationwide.
They spoke openly about their 10-year relationship with partner Kris Brown and said they wanted to come out because they plan on starting a family.
Brown said, “This is the sort of thing that a political opponent or someone who has some ax to grind might pick up on and twist around and turn into something negative. We want to claim it upfront, and say this is the best thing about our life.”
NBC News reports that Bakhtiari may be the first elected person in the U.S. to come out
Nikki Blonsky, best known for her role in “Hairspray,” took to Instagram to announce that she is engaged.
“I’ve played plenty of characters in love in my life and it has been a blessing, but the greatest blessing in life is real love, true love and I am honored to finally feel unconditional love, and a love that is pure,” said Blonsky. “I have the honor, privilege and greatest joy of calling this incredible person my fiancé!”
Blonsky announced her relationship with Hailey Jo Jensen during pride month this year.
as part of a non-monogamous relationship, according to the Victory Institute.
Jensen also shared the engagement photos writing, “Love is a state of Being. This is the moment, the reality and lifetime that I want to exist in. The one where I can experience life, while loving you.”
“RuPaul’s Drag Race” season 12 finalist Gigi Goode publicly opened up about being trans and nonbinary in August 2021. Now, they have taken another step in their journey and received a brand-new driver’s license with an updated legal name and gender marker.
According to the picture, they are now legally named Gigi Goode and have updated their gender marker to female. Goode shared the picture of the new driver’s license alongside a smiling face with tear emoji on Instagram.
Many former Drag Race contestants congratulated Goode, including Kylie Sonique Love, Kerri Colby, Laganja Estranja, Bosco, Gottmik, Jinkx Monsoon, Daya Betty, Aquaria, Detox, Trinity The Tuck, Eureka O’Hara, Raja, Denali, Rosé, and Nina West.
Other celebrities who congratulated Goode were Karamo Brown, Arisce Wanzer, Miss Benny, Leland, King Princess, Quinn Whitney Wilson, and Todrick Hall.
Willow Young will be honored this year at the Rainbow Symposium in Portsmouth. After she came out, or as she calls it, “showed up,” in her workplace, she’s been wanting to make a difference.
“For me, sharing my story is about providing visibility to those who are still afraid, still questioning, or are still on a journey that leaves them feeling unsafe,” Young said in a blog post obtained by Seacoast Online
The event, hosted by Seacoast NH LGBT History Project, will run from 2 to 4 p.m., with light refreshments provided.
“He has recently curated two exhibits chronicling social and support groups for the LGBT community, and will introduce
Sunday’s event with some historical perspective on transgender and non-binary individuals in the Seacoast,” reported Seacoast Online about Tom Kaufhold, founder of the Seacoast NH LGBT History Project.
In support of its LGBT students, the University of Texas at Arlington will be creating a “Rainbow Lounge” on the third floor of the campus library.
“Though not fully open yet, the new lounge is expected to be used as a study space, a meeting room for support groups, office hours for our LGBTQ+ Program and for other UTA-affiliated purposes,” Jeff Carlton, executive director for communications and media relations for the university, wrote in an email to The Texan
In the surrounding area, bathrooms will also be changed to be more “gender inclusive” for students.
However some are speaking out that the “Rainbow Lounge” is being prioritized over other organizations.
“Carlos Turcios, vice president for the conservative group Turning Point USA chapter on campus, believes the Rainbow Lounge is ‘absurd,’” reported The Texan.
Turcois said he feels like the area is “segregating” people with a certain sexual orientation.
Jon Stewart’s new show on Apple TV “The Problem with Jon Stewart” premiered Oct. 7 with first guest Arkansas Attorney General Leslie Rutledge (R).
During the episode, Stewart questions Rutledge on the state’s ban on gender-affirming care for minors. Throughout the episode Stewart, would not let up about the source of her findings.
According to LGBTQ Nation, “she claimed that 98% of young people with gender dysphoria can ultimately ‘move past that,’ Stewart declared, ‘Wow, that’s an incredibly made-up figure. That doesn’t comport with any of the studies or documentation that exist from these medical organizations. What medical association are you
talking about?’”
The “The War Over Gender” episode centered around the current anti-trans bills that are sweeping the nation. New episodes are available every Friday on Apple TV.
In response to the social media platform’s refusal to remove information that Russian authorities claim violates laws against the dissemination of “LGBT propaganda,” a Russian court fined ByteDance-owned TikTok 3 million roubles (US $51,000).
According to Channel News Asia, the corporation was accused of “promoting non-traditional values, LGBT, feminism and a distorted representation of traditional sexual values” on its platform, which is the basis of the complaint against TikTok.
Russia is thinking about extending its 2013 “gay propaganda” law, which prohibits any individual or organization from endorsing homosexual relationships among youth. According to lawmakers, the law should be amended to cover adults as well for exposing children to “LGBT
propaganda” should be enhanced.
A request for comment was not immediately answered by TikTok, which was found responsible for an administrative violation for failing to remove banned information.
The eldest child of Isabel Preysler and the late marquis of Grión, Spanish celebrity Tamara Falcó appeared at the ultraconservative convention and was applauded by the audience standing.
A pro-family, anti-LGBT platform called the World Congress of Families was organized by conservative Christian organizations from all over the world. The US-based NGO Southern Poverty Law Centre views it as a fiercely anti-LGBT organization.
Mario Vargas Llosa, a well-known Spanish author, is now married to Preysler, Falcó’s mother. Enrique Iglesias’ mother, Preysler, was Julio Iglesias’ wife.
Falcó recently made news after divorcing billionaire Íñigo Onieva when video of Onieva kissing another woman
surfaced on social media.
When questioned about the breakup, Falcó replied to EuroWeekly News, “He is forgiven, I don’t hold a grudge against him, but I have discovered that we do not have the same values, since for me, in the couple and in marriage, faithfulness is very important and for him, it is not.”
Following a constitutional court decision that made Slovenia the first country in Eastern Europe to do so, the Slovenian parliament approved an amendment that permits samesex couples to be married and have children.
Forty-eight MPs voted in favor of the family law modification, while 29 opposed it and one abstained.
Slovenia, which broke apart from Yugoslavia, is the only former communist nation in Europe to support this reform because the majority of its neighbors forbid same-sex partnerships and weddings.
In 2016, Estonia’s government got the closest to recognizing same-sex partnerships formed in other nations. In Croatia, the Czech Republic, Hungary, and Montenegro,
same-sex civil partnerships are legal.
“With these changes, we are recognizing the rights of same-sex couples that they should have had for a long time,” State Secretary Simon Maljevac said, according to EuroNews.
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Sean Conklin
The City of Lake Worth Beach marked October as LGBT History Month in a proclamation by the City Commission on Oct. 6. The resolution was sponsored by Commissioner Sarah Malega, the only LGBT member of the commission and longtime community advocate.
By Ray SimonDavid Kopay, a running back who’d played on five different teams before retiring, announced in an interview in “The Washington Star” that he was gay, making him the first former NFL player — or player of any of America’s four major sports — to come out.
Kopay played professional football from 1964 to 1972, often on special teams. He earned his place on each roster through a combination of gritty determination and physical courage.
By Victoria A. Brownworth
When bell hooks died on December 15, 2021, it was a gut punch. There was no time when bell hooks’ extraordinary writing and feminist and lesbian theorizing were not part of the queer community.
There was no time when the community imagined that hooks’ voice would not always be at the forefront of our collective consciousness on intersectionality and queer theory and praxis.
Intersectionality has become a political and cultural buzzword recently, yet few have read the intersectional essays of hooks or Kimberlé Crenshaw, who invented that concept and wrote (and continues to write, in the case of Dr. Crenshaw) about it exhaustively and, as Audre Lorde would say, deliberately. Intersectionality describes and explores how race, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and class might intersect with one another and overlap.
SFGN during October for LGBT History Month
see where it all began for our community...
It’s our past;
LGBT History Month is traditionally celebrated in October due to many significant historical events in LGBT history taking place. Oct. 11 is National Coming Out Day, and Oct. 14 is 1979 was the first March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. Lake Worth Beach is the only Palm Beach County municipality to make such a proclamation.
Malega was joined by community members and organizations, including Compass Community Center, Palm Beach County’s only LGBTQ+ community center, PBCHRC, Palm Beach County’s oldest non-partisan LGBTQ+ advocacy organization, and more.
Julie Seaver, executive director of Compass Community center, spoke after the
proclamation.
“Thank you to the City of Lake Worth Beach for this important proclamation. It truly means so much as it comes at a time where the banning of LGBTQ people from our books and curriculums in schools is sweeping across our state, our nation and in our own backyards,” she said. “At a time when our government is trying to erase LGBTQ people from our history, proclamations celebrating the accomplishments of minority populations should always be recognized.”
Lake Worth Beach has committed to supporting its LGBT citizens and hosts Compass Community Center. Compass is also celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month and is highlighting the many Hispanic countries, cultures, and people represented in the diverse LGBT community and history.
Growing old gracefully is nice. But if you live long enough, at some point you will need some assistance.
That’s where SunServe comes in and helps South Florida seniors grow old gracefully with assistance. On Oct. 12, the nonprofit hosted the SunServe Senior Open House where the staff showed elderly and their carers what they do at Noble A. McArtor Senior Day Center, which is located at Sunshine Cathedral at 1480 SW 9th Ave. in Fort Lauderdale.
SunServe’s senior program is one of its foundational missions, stretching back 20 years. But it’s been a challenge to serve clients over the past couple of years.
“We’re trying to come out of COVID,” Lisa Peters, SunServe’s Director of Senior Services said. “We shut down for 10 months. We’re trying to reacquaint everyone with the center and what wonderful things we do.”
SunServe is also starting a new chapter in
SFGN file photo.
its monthly SilverServe Luncheons. Held the second Friday of the month, the event is for active and more independent seniors and creates an opportunity for conversation and community. On Oct. 14, from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., the tradition continues in a new location.
They’re now meeting in the community room at AHF’s offices in downtown Fort Lauderdale at 750 SE 3rd Ave. In addition to a catered lunch and creating a feeling of fellowship, they bring in speakers. Topics have ranged from medical marijuana use to having sex after hip surgery. This month they’ll host a member from AHF to discuss their prescription options.
When you ask about or Google the murders of gay men in Montreal in the ‘90s, it all leads to the podcast “The Village: The Montreal Murders.”
LGBT advocates encouraged me to listen to the podcast. And with online research, only a handful of news stories talked about the murders prior to the release of the CBC’s 2022 podcast hosted by French Canadian journalist Francis Plourde, who is also gay.
“Since the podcast was released, I got quite a few people who lived in Montreal and were in their early 20s when all that happened and many of them had no idea this was happening,” he said. “That’s how segregated things were in Montreal.”
Over seven episodes, the third season of “The Village” investigates the murders of 18 gay men during the HIV/AIDS crisis, starting with the murder of 23-year-old gay activist Joe Rose in March 1989. He was known for his pink hair, “Silence = Death” pin, and snappy comebacks, with a friend telling Plourde that Rose once said, “If you can’t stand the fruits, get out of the orchard.”
Rose was diagnosed with AIDS at age 19 after donating blood, but he never hid his status and his goal was to start a chapter of ACT UP (AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power) in Montreal. He never got the chance.
While riding a bus home to the HIV/AIDS hospice where he was living, four teens yelled homophobic slurs at him, then beat and stabbed him to death. The oldest of the group, a 19-year-old named Patrick Moise, was only sentenced to seven years in prison. The public blamed gang violence because the teens were Black. Others said it was a lack of bus safety. But the LGBT community stood up and said what no one wanted to hear: it was homophobia. Rose’s story became folklore, and the LGBT community in Montreal and beyond rallied for justice, but unfortunately, his murder would not be the last. The same night, Richard
Gallant, 28, was found stabbed to death in his home in The Village. Then 16 other gay men were murdered in Montreal between 1989 and 1993, prompting fears that a serial killer was among them.
SFGN spoke to Plourde about making “The Village: The Montreal Murders” and bringing to light a piece of Canada’s LGBT history.
For a long time, there were fears that there was a serial killer in Montreal, in the late ‘80s, early ‘90s. Turns out there was one, but that was not the only reason why gay men were dying in The Village in Montreal. It was a bit of
a challenge in terms of, like, so many of those cases were different and in terms of how they happened, the background of the individual. There were things in common, but there were also big, big differences as well.
In this case it was a challenge for research and for storytelling. But at the same time, we wanted to do something a bit different with that season. We wanted to look at the broader context of Montreal and what it was to be queer in Montreal in the early ‘90s. The series became focused on those crimes that happened in Montreal, but it was also about the AIDS crisis that was happening at the same time, which was kind of fueling the homophobia that we saw in Montreal in those days.
On one hand, there was this eagerness to share their story because they knew it was important for so many reasons. But it was also challenging … we also met people who were not willing to engage or to do interviews with us because they lost a loved one, like 30 years ago. In many cases, the case is still unsolved. And there was this double pain, the loss of an individual, but also the context, in some cases people had double lives, they were not disclosing their sexual orientation to their family, right?
Two major LGBT organizations are hosting big events on the same night, and it’s leaving a sour taste in some people’s mouths.
Saturday, Oct. 22, finds the National LGBTQ Task Force and Pride Fort Lauderdale holding major events. This is forcing members of the LGBT communities and allies to choose which group they want to support.
It’s not the first time LGBT organizations in South Florida have conflicted with each other either.
Events of this size and grandeur don’t happen overnight. They require months of planning, and one of the first goals is to find a date on the calendar and a venue. The two events above are physically distancing themselves from each other, with one in Miami Beach and the other in Pompano Beach.
Jeff Oliverio is the Chair of this year’s Task Force Gala Committee and said the distance helps but the situation is still not optimal. He added that some folks up north wouldn’t travel down to Miami Beach anyhow.
“No matter how much [people] want to support us, they won’t go to Miami Beach for an event. It’s unfortunate that both are on the same night, but we have a great value. I think there’s room for both but unfortunately both on the same night.”
Task Force has been holding their annual gala on this weekend for several years in a row and is a fixture on the pre-Halloween social scene. They chose their date in January and officially announced it in March.
Pride picked their date later, when many of the big weekends of the early-season/holiday season were already taken. Pride President Kevin Clevenger believes that very different crowds attend these two distinct events, telling SFGN, “They have different caliber of crowds.”
He notes that the next weekend is Halloween and would put them in competition with the bars on Wilton Drive. They also note that SAVE’s Halloween MasQUEERade Ball is the next weekend. It’s worth pointing out that SAVE’s event is on a Friday and in Downtown Miami.
Task Force is one of the greatest advocates in the country for LGBT rights. Hotspots Magazine Happening Out Television is a premier sponsor of both events. Lead anchor Al Ferguson said the overlap could be
disastrous for the community.
“I’m disappointed that this date conflict is a reflection of what is really going on in the LGBTQ community as a whole. Are we even paying attention? We face a gigantic threat from outside our community in Governor DeSantis and the radical right. The Task Force Gala is the single largest focus of our fight in South Florida before the election over this tremendous threat. But we have to decide if we will divert this attention on this one day to the social aspects of our community vs. uniting in participation, marketing and voice of support for our lives. We shouldn’t have to make that choice. With Nov. 8 mid-terms and our fundamental rights at stake, one has to take priority over another.”
This isn’t the first time Pride Fort Lauderdale has shared the spotlight with another event. Last year they held Pride the same weekend as the SMART Ride. While Pride is a party on the beach, and the ride is a two-day bike ride from Miami to Key West, it still forced sponsors to choose.
SFGN has learned that one sponsor asked ride organizers why they were overlapping, and learned that SMART Ride picks its weekend years in advance. They still chose to represent at Pride despite being a pharmaceutical company that would have found an interested audience among SMART Ride participants.
Ferguson said these types of conflicts need to stop.
“Our community must do better to unite and stand for each other. LGBTQ community cannot be just about you. Hotspots Magazine Happening Out Television Network are premiere sponsors of both The Task Force and Pride Fort Lauderdale. We are proud of our dramatic marketing and manpower support of both organizations. We should never have to make a choice of one LGBTQ nonprofit over another because they are both on the same day. We want to support both.”
Just like when Florida needed help after Hurricane Ian, Puerto Rico needed help after it suffered its own hurricane.
On Sept. 21, the AIDS Healthcare Foundation flew relief planes to San Juan in response to Hurricane Fiona, according to a press release. The Foundation delivered supplies such as generators, water purification kits, and tents to patients in need.
Additional stores that were significantly impacted by the hurricane were deployed to the south side of Puerto Rico.
AHF has a warehouse stocked with emergency supplies in case of natural disasters, which is why, according to the press release, it was able to provide relief quickly.
The Foundation will continue to aid Puerto Rico with clean water and power to patients and the community as much as possible.
National Latinx AIDS Awareness Day is observed on Oct. 15, or the last day of National Hispanic Heritage Month. It is a day set aside to raise awareness of HIV among Hispanic/Latino people. It is also an opportunity to encourage the use of HIV prevention and treatment methods in the Latino and Hispanic communities.
As of 2019, a quarter of the people with HIV identify as Latino or Hispanic. One in six of them does not know their HIV status.
There are many reasons for this disparity, says Arianna Lint, CEO of Arianna’s Center, a community-based organization that provides advocacy, education and training, case management, and linkage to care for transgender men and women in South Florida.
“Language is a barrier for some Latinos,” Lint said. “So is a lack of information. You can find whatever you need in English, but it can be difficult for Latinos in the United States to find
what they need in Spanish.”
Having people seek out services remains a challenge too because of the stigma that still surrounds HIV.
“As a transgender openly living with HIV, I think HIV is not the problem,” Lint said. “The problem is not being educated about HIV. If you know about your labs, if you know about what’s going on. We want to end the HIV epidemic. That happens when Latinos get united, when African Americans get united, and when the LGBTQ communities get united. You cannot stop HIV if you cannot touch those communities. Working together is important.”
For many people, the acceptance and support of other LGBT people is one of the nicest things about coming out.
Zander Murray, a Scottish soccer player, received encouraging notes from an Olympic winner.
Murray, the first senior Scottish soccer player to come out, received congrats from none other than Tom Daley after breaking through a cultural barrier earlier this month.
The importance of being contacted by an LGBT sports star hit Murray right in the feels, as Murray described in a live interview with ITV’s Lorraine Kelly.
“He messaged me while I was on the way back from football training in a car with four boys,” Murray recalled according to OutSports, “And I had tears in my eyes seeing his direct message. And I messaged him back, ‘Look, I’m in a car on the way back
This week, Miami Shores is holding its first ever Pride. This Sunday, Oct. 16, the village will have its Pride colors showing for all to see.
“There’s a Huge, wonderful gay community here and we weren’t getting recognized,” organizer Giselle Kovac said. “The Shores have undergone a lot of transition in the last 10 years.”
While most Prides are held in June to recognize the Stonewall Riot, October is a great time to have a Pride since this month is also LGBT History Month. Kovac says this weekend’s event is hyper-local, celebrating with the entire community. “This is the first time to come out, have a parade, and celebrate our community.”
The day starts with a Pride Brunch at Sins
Gastrobar featuring performances by Olga Dantelly, Naya Lords, and Kat Wilderness. That is followed by a parade down the Grand Concourse and ending at the rec center where there will be a DJ hosting the tea dance, booths, and a Zombie Coming Out Party. Barry University’s participating and the Mayor of Miami-Dade, Daniella Levine Cava, will speak. Money raised will go to support scholarships by the Point Foundation.
“The gay civil rights movement is most successful in history. We’ve gone from marginalized to marriage. The way it was done was with integrity and transparency and no shame of who we are and what we want.”
“What makes our generation different is, quite simply, that we’ve had enough,” said Gonzalez. “We recognize that the systems that have been put in place or the people who have been in power have not really provided us with the help and support that we need and are making decisions that are adversely impacting our future.”
At 22 Gonzalez became the youngest Democrat to ever win a Florida primary. He now faces a well-funded Republican operative for the neatly drawn District 119, a new district that sits on the edge of the Everglades with Miami-Dade County’s Urban Development Boundary running through it. It’s a mix of agricultural lands and suburban neighborhoods with 87% of registered voters identifying as Hispanic.
Gonzalez served three years as a county youth commissioner, traveling to Washington, D.C., and Tallahassee to advocate for enhanced safety measures. He started a nonprofit to help children suffering from cancer and graduated with a degree in political science from Columbia University in New York City.
“I understand that some parts of South Florida are not necessarily as welcoming as other parts are, but I feel it’s times like these that we have to be our loudest and bravest and we have to be putting our faces out there in the community because they are trying to silence us so our response must be being as loud as possible,” he said.
When I came out (almost 50 years ago), I learned much about being gay from older gay or bisexual men, Hispanic and Anglo, who I met in Miami’s then-flourishing gay bars. Some of those men told me tales about being gay in the ‘40s, ‘50s and ‘60s; in the United States, in Cuba, or in other Latinx countries. From them I learned how difficult it was to be gay back then; how far we have come since; and how far we had to go. As the son of heterosexual parents, I did not learn about my community’s history from my family, not from my teachers nor from my straight peers. My education as a gay man came from gay sources, from books written by LGBT people and from the stories told to me by other gay and bi men.
Fifty years later, I still remember the lessons that I learned from those men, especially those who are no longer with us. Now that I am an elder gay myself, I want to continue that tradition and teach younger generations about our past, either in person or through my writing. I find this tradition to be especially relevant in this month of October, otherwise known as LGBT History Month. LGBT History Month began in 1994 when Rodney Wilson, a high school teacher in Missouri, decided to do something about the lack of queer voices in history books. He organized other educators and community leaders for the purpose of educating students and the general public about our history; the history that many of us learned from older LGBT people when we first came out.
After much discussion, October was named “Lesbian & Gay History Month: A Celebration of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender History.” Now LGBT History Month, October was designed to “promote the teaching of [LGBTQ+] history in secondary and post-secondary academic settings, as well as within the
[LGBTQ+] community and mainstream society.” October was chosen because it is full of LGBTQ history: the dates of the first (1979) and the second (1987) Marches on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights are in October, as is National Coming Out Day (Oct. 11) and Halloween (Oct. 31).
While we can learn much from books, videos or museum exhibits, they only supplement the knowledge that we learn from personal contact with those who walked ahead of us. Therefore, the next time an older LGBT person wants to tell you their story, please listen. Their stories are quaint, funny, touching and sad, and they all have something to teach us. And when your time comes, do not hesitate to tell your own story to those who come after you, so they too can learn. That is what LGBT History Month is all about.
ou don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone,” I said to Ray while we held hands before dinner.
“It’s true, but what made you think of that?” he asked.
“I don’t know. It’s from that song. It’s been playing in my head non-stop for a while.”
“Peter, Paul, and Mary?”
“Joni Mitchell.”
Throughout the day, thoughts pop into my head, reminding me to fully appreciate what I’ve got. I wish I could say I have always been aware of the remarkable people in our lives, our beautiful homes, and our beloved dogs. But I haven’t been. Maybe that doesn’t come to you until you’re older. I now have more time to reflect, reminisce, and savor memories. So, throughout the day I now think, “What would my life be like without him? Without it?”
As I walked out of the bedroom yesterday, and called out, “Good morning,” as I do each morning, I counted on hearing, “Good morning, hon. Did you sleep well?”
“What would it be like if I heard no response to ‘Good morning’?” I asked myself.
Every single day, twice a day, at nap time, and bedtime, Lincoln, our 55-pound Labradoodle, gets on the bed and allows himself to gently fall on top of me, like a giant tree that’s been cut. His expectation is a full-body massage. If I have my iPad on my lap, he pushes it away with his nose. It’s his competition for my attention.
I love the attention he gives me, especially the full-face kisses, but lately I’m drawn to reading male-on-male mysteries and romance novels. Yet, I try to remind myself, “You can read those for the rest of your life, but you won’t always have Lincoln.” Then, I gladly put aside the erotic fantasy, and pet and appreciate our dog.
“You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone.”
One aspect of aging that challenges me is the awareness that I no longer can do anything
I want. There was a time when I knew I was young enough, even at midlife, to do anything that I wanted to do. Life has an abundance of options, but they become less practical as you age. I once spent a week with Ray and friends climbing the Inca trail to Machu Picchu, but that wouldn’t be possible today. At age 60, I got my motorcycle license and my scuba diving certificate, primarily to prove to myself that I still could do anything I wanted. We take our options, our strength and vitality for granted, and we aren’t aware of them until they’re gone.
Across from my reading chair are several pictures of remarkable people in my life, all of whom have died. I loved them all, as fully as I knew how, but I didn’t appreciate at the time how lucky I was to have them as dear friends.
My sister, Kathy’s, death last year knocked the wind out of me once it became clear that I could no longer call her, and knew there will never be another person in my life who could be to me what she was to me. I’m grateful that she knew how very special she was to me. My younger brother, Tom, too. I love him deeply, and recently wrote to say, “Thank you for being the best younger brother ever.” But what about the other people in my life? Do I know and understand what I’ve got with them?
Do I know what I’ve got with the car I drive?
If it were totaled, I’d grieve knowing it was irreplaceable. We bought it with the money I got from my father, upon his death. But, do I think of that as I walk toward it in the grocery store parking lot? What about my home, and my garden, and Wilton Manors, the town in which we live? Am I conscious of how lucky I am to be where I am?
I’ve got everything I need to be really happy
in my life. I’m aware of being happy, but I’m not always tuned into the various components of my lifestyle that bring me joy. I get to go to the nursery every day, if I want and buy a plant to go in the garden. Not everyone can do that. Not everyone has a car to drive or a garden to fill. I hope to be fully aware of everything I’ve got, and to express gratitude for each and every piece of the puzzle that is my life, before a piece goes missing.
I just looked over and saw that Ray, with Lincoln’s head in his lap, and his iPad on his knee, had his eyes closed with his glasses on. Every night he falls asleep while reading. I touch him gently and say his name. He opens his eyes a little and pretends he hadn’t fallen asleep. I say, “Can I take your glasses off for you, put your
iPad on the table, and pull out the pillows you don’t sleep on?” “No thank you,” he says. “I’m going to keep reading.” A minute later, I know I’ll hear the sound of his soft snore. I want to hear that every night for the rest of my life, but there are no guarantees.
My focus lately has been to know what I’ve got, and fully appreciate it, so that when it’s gone, I don’t wish I had paid it more attention, and been more grateful. That goes for good friends, the ability to grocery shop and prepare our meals, climb on a ladder, shower standing up, go to the pain doctor, walk the dog, hear Ray’s voice, and have a place to share my thoughts.
My days of not knowing what I’ve got til it’s gone are over. I hope.
Brian McNaught has been a leading educator on LGBTQ issues globally since 1974. He has made his many books and DVDs available for free at Brian-McNaught.com. The New York Times named him “The Godfather of gay diversity training.” Brian has a weekly YouTube/FaceBook podcast called, “Are You Happy Without the Movie?”
J.W. Arnold
“The Shiny Shrimps Strike Back,” a comedy about a gay swim team stranded in homophobic Russia, is one of the featured films at the OUTshine LGBTQ+ Film Festival, opening Oct. 13 in Fort Lauderdale.
Credit: Universal.
The OUTshine LGBTQ+ Film Festival returns to theaters in Fort Lauderdale, Oct. 13–23, and once again, cinephiles across the Sunshine State will have the opportunity to participate, thanks to streaming services.
The 14th annual Fort Lauderdale festival will showcase 51 films from 25 countries at live screenings, artist meet-and-greet sessions and panel discussions at the newly renovated Gateway Theatre on Sunrise Blvd. and the Savor Cinema, just south of downtown.
The festival opens on Oct. 13 at the NSU Art Museum with “The Blue Caftan,” a critical and audience favorite from the Cannes Film Festival in France. Filmed in Morocco, France, Belgium and Denmark, “The Blue Caftan” is a romance about a married master tailor who falls in love with his young apprentice. The film will screen in the museum theater, followed by a party in the gallery.
Director of Programming Joe Bilancio said, “The festival allows us to come together through film to socialize and create community, and to be in a theater with people like us — all shapes, sizes, colors and identifications — and to feel safe. The vibe in the theatre is electric, and the afterparties allow us to meet the filmmakers and stars, as well as community leaders who are making South Florida a wonderful place for the LGBTQ+ community.”
Tickets for most films are $14 plus fees,
while tickets for opening, centerpiece and closing events are $35 plus fees and include admission to afterparties.
Additional highlights include “In from the Side,” a drama about two rugby players who engage in a torrid love affair; “The Five Devils,” a fantasy about a strange little girl with a magical gift; “The Tiny Shrimps Fight Back,” a comical look at a gay water polo team that gets stranded in homophobic Russia; and “The Return of Tanya Tucker,” a musical salute to the country music legend led by singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile
The diverse festival lineup also includes horror, thriller and mystery films, televisionstyle series, documentaries, shorts and musicals, covering the entire LGBT spectrum. And, nearly a quarter of the films are either North American, East Coast or regional premieres.
For the third time since the COVID-19 pandemic shuttered venues, most films are also being offered via streaming services for viewing within 3 days of the live screening. Due to licensing restrictions, online screening is limited to customers within the state of Florida. Tickets for most streaming options are $14.
“I have been programming LGBTQ+ festivals for a long time and rarely do I remember so many quality films being made. We have something for everyone this year, whether it’s documentary, fiction, or shorts. This year’s program of films will not disappoint,” promised Bilancio.
Tickets for all OUTshine LGBTQ+ Film Festival in-person and virtual screenings are available at OUTshineFilm.com. A discounted 10-film pass is also available for $75. Virtual screenings are only available within the state of Florida.
“Partnering with the Community Foundation of Broward empowers me to make a BOLD impact for the community I love. As a longtime philanthropist and LGBTQ activist, my new endowed charitable funds at the Community Foundation are broadening the scope and amplifying the impact of my giving. Grants in my name develop future leaders, break down barriers to success and shape a community where everyone is treated with equity. I love that my endowed support is the gift that keeps on giving, long after I’m gone. With the Community Foundation as a partner, my BOLD impact never ends.”
CAN BE BOLD, LIKE
MONA PITTENGER