Stance for the Family: December/January 2013

Stance f o r t h e f a m i ly

December/January 2013

Family Financial Stewardship See page 10 Maintaining Sibling Relationships in College See page 4

Family History Work: Your Work See page 14

Contents Features 10 Family Financial Stewardship 4 Maintaining Sibling Relationships in College 14 Family History Work:Your Work

Stance for the Family Staff Academic Advisor: John P. Livingstone Editor in Chief: Dustin Schwanger Managing Editor: Emily Smith Magazine Editor: Adrienne Anderson Design Director: Caitlin Schwanger Assistant Editors: Sara Bitterman, Lanae Carmichael, Rebecca Hamson, Melissa Hart, Jenna Hoffman, Shannon Wallace

Around the World 3 Taking a Stance against Pornographic T-shirts

In the Community 6 New Missionary Policy: Thinking about the Future

In the Kitchen 18 Peppermint Wafer Dessert

Wintertime in the Home 8 Traditions and Memories for Christmas

Book Reviews

12 Heartwarming Stories of Christmas

19 The Candy Bomber

19 Winter Wear: Form or Function?

19 Finding Peace, Happiness and Joy

Articles express the opinions of their authors alone and not necessarily of Stance as an organization, Brigham Young University, or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Unless otherwise stated, all photography is in the public domain.

Do you have comments, compliments, questions, or concerns? Contact us at sftfmagazine@gmail.com.

Connect with us through our blog for updates on current issues as well as other useful information: stanceforthefamily.byu.edu

e c n a t S a g Takin against Pornographic T-Shirts

by Alissa Strong There has been a disturbing and increasing trend among international retail stores, particularly those with a teen market, to sell printed t-shirts featuring pornographic images. These images include “soft porn” photographs, pornographic poses, images of sexualised violence including bonds and gags, and offensive or sexist slogans referring to women in demeaning ways.

Caitlin Roper was not content to stand by and allow this to happen in her community. Caitlin has become a prominent voice among those that protest pornographic clothing and has even started her own group, “Say No to Porn T-shirts.”

Stance reporter Alissa Strong spoke with Caitlin about her efforts in this cause, some of the memorable moments she has experienced, and what her advice would be to people wanting to make a difference in their own communities.

Stance: How did the idea for “Say No to Porn T-shirts” come about?

Caitlin Roper: I first had the idea for this cause when I came across some disturbing pornographic imagery on a t-shirt in a youth surf clothing store. After this, I began to notice people wearing this clothing in public places—shopping centres, the movies, parks, in town, even some dads when picking up their kids from school. I became upset and angry that my children and I could be confronted with pornographic images at any time because of these t-shirts.

Stance: What are some of the initiatives the group members have undertaken to support this cause?

What has the result been?

CR: I have encouraged supporters to make complaints in stores, contact shopping center management when offending items are prominently displayed, and email the store, the brand, and local politicians where appropriate.

We have also used social media to our advantage, posting on offending stores’ Facebook pages or Tweeting them. We have had online petitions that flood email inboxes of the retailers.

All of this has resulted in small victories, as some stores—for example, Target—have agreed that certain clothing items are inappropriate and will be recalled.

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Stance: What other things have you done personally in fighting this cause?

CR: Some actions I have taken myself include the following:

• Challenging the AFL (Australian Football League) for allowing one of their players to model and promote his own porn t-shirt brand while claiming to be concerned with sexism and violence against women (this received significant media attention).

• Making a formal complaint to the federal Human Rights Commission for sexual harassment against a youth store that prominently displayed clothing with pornographic images.

• Writing an open letter to retailers asking them to refuse to stock clothing with pornographic imagery, signed by 65 experts and organisations around the country.

This year I organized a protest outside a youth clothing store that sold porn t-shirts. I also have an ongoing petition to youth store City Beach to stop selling porn t-shirts.

I am still working with the organization I work for, Collective Shout (www.collectiveshout.org), to get the AFL to take responsibility on porn shirts. I have also worked together with other groups such as Pure-A-Tee to share information and work together on this issue.

Stance: What are your feelings about the influence that a small group such as “Say No to Porn T-shirts” can have on the community? What advice would you give to other people who would like to start up a similar group to make a difference?

CR: Thanks to social media, retailers are being held more accountable than in the past. People can instantly post on Facebook or Twitter, and all their friends can see it.

An organisation I work for, Collective Shout, names and shames retailers, advertisers, and media that objectify women or sexualise children to sell products and services, and that has become very effective. I would encourage people to form groups where possible because our voices become more powerful. Also I would encourage people to keep in mind Collective Shout’s motto: “The standard you walk past is the standard you set.” 

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Maintaining Sibling Relationships

in College

by Emily Smith Growing up with siblings has highs (always having a roller-coaster buddy at theme parks) and lows (that time—those times—your brother stuck wads of gum in your hair because he thought it was funny). Depending on where you fall in line relative to your siblings’ ages, you’ve either seen siblings leave or you’ve been the first to say goodbye after graduation. I remember the morning I left to go to college halfway across the country from my home. When saying goodbyes, my sister and I held each other and cried. Five years before, we never had that kind of relationship—in fact, we fought all the time. But by the time I left home, we were best friends and I didn’t want to lose that. When siblings leave home, it takes more effort to keep in touch and stay friends. Here are some suggestions to maintaining a close relationship with siblings, no matter how many years there are between you or the number of miles between you now.

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Make their interests your interests My younger brother and I are five years apart—he was in middle school when I was in high school. We were both avid readers, so I asked him what books he liked and read a few. Although I was a little wary of middle school humor, his suggestions were actually really funny (seriously, read the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series) and we were able to laugh together over the books and remind each other of the release dates for the movies. Even if you’re skeptical and your sibling suggests something unexpected, give it a try— you may be surprised at your sibling’s good taste!

Take time to talk to them . . .

“If you don’t take time to talk to them, they become strangers,” says Laura Drake, a BYU junior. Hectic college schedules may leave you thinking they don’t have time to talk, but communicating has never been easier.

For Taylor Street, keeping up with her older sister who lives in Idaho isn’t too hard: “To keep in touch with her, I sometimes just send her random text messages (funny things, etc.). We also usually send each other birthday cards and if anything major is happening in our lives (like when she got married, had babies, when I have a new boyfriend or an internship) we’ll talk about that a lot.” For Megan Clements, keeping up with her younger sister was a little more difficult—when Megan left for BYU, Chloe was only one. “It was really heartbreaking to call home and realize Chloe didn’t remember me or want to talk to me. It made me very home sick. I wanted to leave college and go home,” says Megan. But she recognizes that “maintain[ing] a relationship with an age gap like ours is difficult. Sending her a birthday present or souvenirs from France while I was abroad were some of the ways I coped. I still do similar things

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to that.” Just calling, Skyping, Facebooking, or texting can remind siblings that you’re there. Bring up a crazy experience you shared together or just ask them how they’re doing.

. . . and talk to them about everything It’s hard to open up sometimes, but that’s how meaningful relationships are formed. Even if you can’t do it now, it may become easier for you later in life. There were some things that I was hesitant to tell my little sister about when we lived at home, but we talk about them more openly now. Start talking about the small things, and the deeper, the more personal issues will become easier to talk about.

Give and take advice “Joseph loves giving me boy advice so he, his wife, and I frequently discuss ‘boy issues,’ ” says Laura. There’s no one better to give advice than older siblings who’ve lived what you’ve lived. Sharing experiences and trying to help one another shows that you actually care. “I talk to my oldest sister all the time because she has always been there to give me advice,” says Laura. “I can talk to her about anything.”

Realize that things change after you move out Having a sibling move can be difficult, as Laura, the youngest of five, explains: “It was the hardest when [my oldest brother] moved out of the house because before that it was always our family together, all the time. After David I sort of adjusted myself to the idea of all my siblings leaving me so it was easier with the others.” However, some find this shift a refreshing and positive change. “I think my relationship with both my sisters has gotten a lot better now that we’re living away from home,” Taylor says. “My older sister and I clashed a lot when we were younger, so now that we’re apart, we can focus on positive things rather than what we disagree on.” Catherine Shrier describes her time with her sister in high school as a “rocky relationship.”

“We had classes together, and it was just weird. . . . We were always together so it was hard to be friends,” she said. But their relationship changed after they both came to BYU. “Once we both went off to college we realized

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how much we missed each other. We saw each other a lot after we came out here to school; we were always checking up on each other. Now it’s kinda weird because she’s on a mission so it’s like, ‘I have to write you an e-mail?’”

Most importantly, show your love!

I was way too often a teaser, but my little sister put up with it. She was really unselfish with me and actually taught me to be kinder. She reminded me that it’s important to show your love for your siblings and do nice things for them. Taylor Street, who has a sister at BYU, said, “If I’m going somewhere, I make sure she’s invited and then she can always decide whether she wants to tag along. I feel like just inviting her to things and taking her places lets her know that I care about her and am here for her . . . simple things are always the best things.”

While living at home, it’s important to develop relationships early. These relationships are sometimes difficult to form because siblings know exactly how to get under your skin—they know you better than anyone. They live with you and you share the same experiences—hours in the car for family vacations, those cold mornings doing chores, having to eat the same experimental dinners—you’ve been through it all. You’ve put up with them as roommates, chauffeured them (or been chauffeured), and each has done their fair share of teasing. Not all siblings are easy to get along with, but as I’ve grown up I’ve learned to see my siblings as more than those people I’m forced to share a house with. Each one is an opportunity for a close friendship—a friendship that doesn’t have to end when you walk out the door to start a new life. 

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New Missionary Policy Thinking About the Future

by Melissa Hart I walked into my apartment the Saturday evening of the October 2012 General Conference to find the living room and kitchen crowded with young women—nineteenyear-old young women, to be exact. Excitement was high as they discussed the newly announced missionary ages for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My roommates and their friends couldn’t stop wondering, “What does this mean for me?” “Am I going to go?” “When will I go?” They felt the huge impact that the announcement could have on their personal lives, just as many other individuals and groups across the world have felt and will continue to feel in years to come.

Along with prospective missionaries, students and faculty at various universities, members of college sports teams, current missionaries, mission presidents, families with children under the age of eighteen or nineteen, and many others are also wondering, “What does this mean for us?” In the press conference following the Saturday morning session of General Conference, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, in reference

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to what this means for the Church, that we simply don’t know. The Church assumes the numbers of missionaries will increase, but that “this will be steady, over several months.

We have time and the missionaries and their families have time to plan and prepare. And then we’ll know better following high school graduation next June or so, and we’ll also know a lot more about a year from now when we’ve seen the approach on into the fall of 2013.” The leaders of the church, families, individuals, and everyone affected by this change in policy will all be waiting and watching to see exactly what that means for them.

However, one of the immediate questions that must be handled by parents and all others connected with future missionaries is the obvious “When should he or she go?” Although a new option is immediately in front of many prospective missionaries, the decision to go need not be as abrupt. In his Saturday morning announcement, President Thomas S. Monson referred to the lower missionary ages as an “option” for young men and “the age at which a young woman might serve.” In the press conference, Elder Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles also emphasized that the new ages are just an option, providing “our youth greater flexibility in planning for their schooling, careers, marriage, and military obligations when and if needed.” These young men and women are not required nor expected to serve at the newly appointed ages. Parents can use the words of Elder Nelson as a guide as they counsel with their children: “Young men and women should not begin their service before they are ready, spiritually and temporally. . . . Schooling,

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family circumstances, health, worthiness, and personal preparation remain, as always, important considerations for the timing of missionary service.”

Schooling, as Elder Nelson mentioned, is one of the aspects that should be considered in this decision.

Speculation of the effects that the new missionary ages will have on the schools within the Church Education System have run rampant in the weeks following the announcement, and understandably so. As families and their future missionaries try to plan for the future, they can’t help but wonder if policies or dynamics of schools like Brigham Young University will change. According to BYU administrators, the university feels the same as the Church in that they can’t predict what is going to happen.

BYU is waiting to see what the admissions statistics look like for the coming semesters and throughout the year, but are not currently planning to make any changes to admission policies, scholarships, curriculum, or other factors. However, one change that has been immediately apparent is student’s increased interest in mission preparation classes—more sections have been added to the Winter 2013 semester to accommodate for the higher demand. But as far as making plans for attending BYU, families should proceed as normal with the information that is currently available.

Aside from helping future missionaries decide when is best to go, parents also have the responsibility to help their sons and daughters prepare to serve missions. Elder Holland said, “We ask parents to take a strong hand in this preparation and not expect that it is somehow the responsibility of local church leaders or the missionary department of the church or missionary training centers to provide and direct all of that.”

As parents strive to help their children prepare to serve missions, they may wonder how exactly they can assist in this preparation. Elder Holland set forth a list of preparations future missionaries can take, beginning with “total personal worthiness . . . supplemented by gospel study, especially study of the Book of Mormon and standard works of the church, seminary and institute classes, missionary preparation classes, and systematic study of the missionary handbook, Preach my Gospel.”

Parents can encourage their children to prepare in the ways mentioned and even incorporate these ideas into their family life and activities.

All three leaders of the Church who spoke on this matter—President Monson, Elder Nelson, and Elder Holland—expressed their excitement for and confidence in the new missionary ages. “I am absolutely thrilled that perhaps more young men and women will choose to serve missions because of this new latitude in age,” Elder Holland stated. And Elder Nelson promised, “It will also be a great blessing for their families now and in the future.” 

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CES Policies Regarding Missionary Service From the Be Smart FAQ page: Can I defer the first semester I’m admitted?

First semester deferments are reserved for missionaries leaving during the semester they were admitted. The only students who are able to defer the first semester they are admitted are students leaving on missions during that time.

From the BYU Admissions webpage: BYU students who want to defer their enrollment for an LDS mission must complete a Missionary Deferment form. The deferment form should be submitted after receiving a mission call, but before entering the MTC. From the BYU Admissions Facebook page: Question: My cousin wants to attend BYU but he plans to leave for his mission in a couple of months. . . . He doesn’t know whether to wait to apply or to do so anyways now. . . .What should he do?

Answer: He could apply either way, though he should keep in mind that admission tends to become more competitive as time goes on. If he did choose to apply and was accepted for an upcoming term . . . he could defer his admission until after his mission.

Additional Resources • “Preparing Your Future Missionary,” Ensign, Oct. 2004.

• “The Lord Needs Missionaries,” Ensign, Jan. 2011.

• “Becoming a Missionary,” Ensign, Oct. 2005.

• “Young Men General President Answers Questions about New Missionary Policy and Preparation,” Church News and Events, 25 Oct. 2012.

• “Preparing to Serve: Frequently asked questions from prospective missionaries and their parents,” LDS.org, http://www.lds.org/callings/missionary/faqs

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Wintertime in the Home Ora Wa ng lkin er g th rolls ed t oll rou he f . Sho g s r h at C oze uld t he s n ro hris we bee t o tma b n l s,” w uy som ls. “Loo re aisle mom a long, we k e e t , ime ?” “N they resp was Chr o rolls o h a lit n , a ded Mom ve o ist tle g fo mot rang emp . We irl. M mas tra her, r the C e h a o d t y n i i h he w tion cally ly e gran ristm kids a . a a tt dma ,w O t s als as m om used my hou range r hose orn brea e alway a i o s ng b rryi s lo to a e. It ll oran kfast it ng t oke star s have self d fo he o reakfas lways b ge r t e dw t. was r ake r oll Chr hen deli noth ward to ange ro When istm s made my c m i i l o C n l y u g a C a hris fath sm s or ll th fanc hris tiou t o e m e a tm y— r r n s ro as b scra lls b ning fes differen reak as trad married ge m and a c t i f b i k e tion a vitie my e l the . It s s jus . We wo ed eggs st with exc as our t a , t u u we i m b n tem c to p ld m aco t outh awa en ee n, an icipatio k. As ean der d n mom it them t contin s water k in th . The juice into e ov ed. N ues. all y will . Bu t e h T e n o e t a w h w and r the e ro kitc ant time hen wat lls g , as we to b long! S she c a i d a a n h i u re o ke n ce w mee lder the scr ring e ha special ts th orange , u t v m s h e al es rolls Mom pl gro ignifican e tradi for . We ame re t w i c o o e n, sista n ther bec only nce ause fam someti eat f m i r l thos y ev om – La ents es my us c e nae hild Carm at Chr ren: . Every istm icha “No a el s.” , pass

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he in t r e t on aditi Win Home r t lute from abso viate e e h d to es. S ga uyin fuses tmas tre b e r f o r s a nd othe Chri have n tre e r e My m mes to w d , h o mo year ery n it c llow the the C v e t E h a . r w fo he ow lt e sn nd a es to at about h s t A . u f h e e r tre oug e th the g thr rfect I lov n e . i p e ikes k l i n e h o h m t e f mo lw ul tim search o (my I’m a e ) derf s m i n e i t on so ery farm ll fat pine e ev u f e h tree r s e g e a f fr r th ti t all prefe e smell o g is beau I don’ d in th l , an noth ones ke up to with d g n n a i a arkl ngs, to w e sp orni an e r m t r offm ne be H i p a l n rea – Jen

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ery year

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9

Family Financial Stewardship

by Craig L. Israelsen

not we are willing to “do all things whatsoever the Lord This discussion provides philosophical and [our] God shall command [us]” (Abraham 3:25). pragmatic support for the goal of living well, a critically Elder Neal A. Maxwell described the purpose of important paradigm with regard to family finances. In the mortality this way: “Our first estate featured learning broadest sense, living well is a function of how fully our of a cognitive type . . . the second estate however, is one lives are aligned with the teachings of Jesus Christ. In a that emphasizes experiential learning through applying, more specific sense, living well is the outcome of being proving, and testing. . . . We have moved, as it were, good stewards over our financial resources, whether as an from first-estate theory to second-estate laboratory.”1 individual or as a family.

Stewardship of our financial resources in this “secondIt is important to remember that living well is better estate laboratory” experience helps us learn the virtues of measured by how well we earn and utilize our resources, prioritizing, balancing, sacrificing, and consecrating. rather than by how much we earn and spend. Moreover, Because financial decisions and choices are part of our living well does not imply that a Christ-centered life will daily lives, they represent a continual source of defining be free of challenges or that we will have all the money and refining who we are and what we value. Financial we want. Both of those misguided hopes would seriously stewardship viewed this way is not a burden but rather a jeopardize our opportunities for growth. necessary tutorial in becoming more patient, The Prophet Joseph Smith One of the common challenges more focused, more selfless, more enduring, (among many other noble and great ones) faced countless challenges, yet of financial stewardship is the and more self-reliant. Furthermore, our we believe his life was lived well. fact that wants are limitless and stewardship in one part of life often has spillover benefits in other parts of life Regarding Joseph’s challenges, the resources are limited. inasmuch as behaviors often come in Lord offered the following counsel: packages. As we adopt one behavior, other “If thou art called to pass through behaviors that are part of that package are generally easier tribulation . . . know thou, my son, that all these things to adopt. For example, as we repeatedly work to hone our shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” budgeting skills, we also gain experience in prioritizing, a (D&C 122:5, 7). vitally important interpersonal life skill that can help us The counsel offered to Joseph also applies to each of learn to put relationships ahead of possessions. us today. Living well is always accompanied by challenges Stewardship of the financial aspects of our lives— which create customized experiences and opportunities either as an individual or as a family—is an effective for our personal and family growth. If we fail to see the “second-estate laboratory” for learning virtues that are correlation between challenges and our needed growth and valuable on this earth (temporal talents) as well as in the refinement, we will miss the essence of living well. Worse eternities (spiritual characteristics). Consider this: money yet, we may resent the very experiences which have been and wealth do not move with us through the veil of death, individually tailored for us by a loving Father whose work yet the skills attained through the righteous use of such and glory it is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal resources are a permanent part of us. Temporal tasks life of man” (Moses 1:39). that facilitate the development of spiritual characteristics such as patience, prioritizing, gratitude, self-mastery, A Philosophical Foundation of Family self-reliance, and endurance are portable—and needed— Financial Stewardship beyond the grave.

Endurance is a particularly important virtue that is Knowing why we are on this earth should help us better acquired through a commitment to financial stewardship. understand what we should be about while here. This life For example, some people dread preparing their monthly is a proving ground where we can demonstrate whether or

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budget. But, they do it anyway; they endure it well.

Interestingly, as they endure it, the burden can become a blessing over time. The task hasn’t necessarily changed, but their hearts and minds have changed as they find meaning in the task. Sometimes the meaning is to simply endure the task well. In other situations the meaning might be related to serving others in the performance of the task. A husband may find meaning in washing dishes, not because he enjoys it but because it is a meaningful way to help and serve his wife. Enduring a difficult, repetitive task changes and refines us in ways that a life of ease cannot.

Only through endurance do we come to know ourselves, precisely because what we persist in doing clearly represents who we truly are becoming.

Occasionally we are unwise financial stewards (as exemplified in the parable of the prodigal son in Luke 15). We may spend money recklessly or fail to save for the future. We may misuse credit cards and find ourselves deep in debt. During such times, we are schooled by painful lessons of regret, frustration, disappointment, and feelings of futility. Fortunately, these challenges can also facilitate personal growth as we overcome them and refocus our energies.

Persistent financial difficulties caused by unwise choices can become distracting and can often consume many of our waking thoughts. Relationships with loved ones can be adversely affected. Thus, we are reminded that our financial stewardship responsibilities have far-reaching implications. It is clear that this second-estate laboratory is not a trivial exercise and that financial stewardship, with its attendant challenges, is a vitally important part of our growth and development—both temporally and spiritually.

One of the common challenges of financial stewardship is the fact that wants are limitless and resources are limited.

This is by divine design. If resources were unlimited, the second-estate laboratory wouldn’t be much of a test.

For example, with unlimited financial resources we would not need budgeting skills because we could simply purchase whatever we wanted whenever we wanted it. We wouldn’t need to prioritize our purchases, nor would we have to sacrifice something we want in order to purchase something we need. The symbiotic virtues of gratitude and charity would be nearly impossible to acquire in an environment of limitless financial resources. It’s difficult to feel gratitude for things that appear to us to be abundant.

For example, when was the last time we thanked God for the air we breathe or the ground we stand on? Likewise, universally abundant resources would rob us of the opportunity to share with others as no one would be in need. Without opportunities to share, how could we possibly acquire the cardinal attribute of charity?

When financial resources (money, time, talent) are limited, we are placed in a position where choices have to

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be made with regard to how our resources are utilized. Put bluntly, we can’t have everything we want. This reality is a blessing, however. Bertrand Russell wisely observed, “To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.”2 So, here we are. Our first-estate theory has concluded and we are here on earth to learn in reality in a secondestate, experience-based laboratory. Below are several pragmatic “laboratory” principles of financial stewardship which involve applying, proving, and testing and which are fundamental to our living well.

Pragmatics of Family Financial Stewardship • Pay a full tithing and be generous in your offerings.

• Save at least 10% of income (or as much as feasible).

• Develop and maintain a record-keeping system for receipts, tax records, important papers, medical records, etc.

• Prepare a twelve-month estimate of income and expenditures, known as an Income and Expenditure Statement. This will be an annual exercise each year.

• Develop and follow a monthly (or weekly) spending plan (i.e. a budget) each and every month. If married, prepare and monitor the family budget as a couple, not separately. Work on family finances together.

• Carefully monitor usage of debt. Avoid indebtedness whenever possible. Exceptions include housing and education.

• Purchase insurance: life, auto, property, medical, disability, and dental, if available. Review all insurance policies annually.

• Work toward home ownership. Develop maintenance skills where possible. Start saving now for a down payment.

• Start investing now for retirement and other important goals. Even when paying off loans (including student loans), you can begin building an investment portfolio. It takes as little as $1 per month.

Invest in 401(k) retirement accounts, especially if your employer matches a portion of your contributions.

In addition, consider investing in a Roth Individual Retirement Account (IRA) if your employer does not match your 401(k) contribution.  1. Neal A. Maxell, All These Things Shall Give Thee Experience (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1979), 19.

2. Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness (London:

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Heartwarming Stories of

Christmas

Christmas Joy It seemed that as the days got colder and colder Daddy got weaker and weaker. Eight children, all under thirteen, and we all just wanted one thing for Christmas— for Daddy to be there with us. But as the bad always gets worse, he had to be readmitted to the hospital for another blood transfusion on Christmas Eve. We were all so devastated when he left but tried to be hopeful, tried to keep the spirit of Christmas alive through it all. Daddy had always read us the Christmas story on Christmas Eve. I wondered who would read it now. But Mom stepped in without missing a beat, strong as ever, knowing he’d want us to read it, want everything to be normal. I remember hearing her talk of baby Jesus and the joy that was felt all over the world that night he was born, and I remember yearning to feel that joy in my own life.

Christmas morning came just as it had all the years before, and just like all the years before, we all lined up in the warm yellow kitchen behind the pocket doors. Only this time while we waited, it was Mom who went around the house turning on all the Christmas lights, not Daddy.

Once all the lights were twinkling, Mom released us and we raced into the living room, each of us finding our own pile of presents placed around the tree. We excitedly opened and shared our newfound treasures with one another in the glow of the tree’s glimmering lights. After our gifts had been sufficiently strewn across the room, Mom told us we could go see Daddy and that we could bring one present to share with him. That was probably the easiest decision we ever made together; we would take the little black wind-up train our uncle had given us.

When we arrived at the hospital they brought Daddy out to the lobby in a wheelchair. He was so happy to see us and yet the situation was all wrong. Daddy was supposed to be healthy, supposed to be big and tall, supposed to be strong for me. He wasn’t supposed to be struggling to breathe, sitting in that old leathery wheelchair! I cried because I hated seeing him that way, hated seeing him so incapable and small, his brownish red robe that had once fit him so perfectly now hanging loosely on his body. And yet he was happy, so happy, never complaining or taking his attention from us. We all circled around him and he watched eagerly as we ran the train all over that drab foyer floor. It ran so well on the worn gray tile, and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was so worn from other families treasuring moments much like ours. We all giggled as the train would bump into us and then back up and move on down another path. It smoked and whistled, just like a real train—that’s why we all loved it so much then.

But today, today I love trains for much more sentimental reasons. They’re a bittersweet reminder of that last Christmas we had with Daddy. He died the following month. Throughout the rest of my childhood, and even still today, simply seeing a train would put a cheesy, tear-brimmed grin upon my face. Trains have become a Christmas tradition for all of us; they sit there right alongside baby Jesus and the Nativity. Both remind us of joy and what true, unconditional love is. The trains circle our trees, reminding us of the magic and joy we felt that Christmas day of 1964, reminding us to cherish those sacred moments with our own families, today and every day. 

by Rebecca Hamson

Crazy Carols My family and I are awful singers. Once we sang in sacrament meeting with another family. They have since sung many times; we were never asked again. This deficiency in talent has always made Christmas caroling difficult. Some years we have gone and honestly tried to do a good job, but we received only polite smiles and evidently suppressed laughter. Other times we decided that doorbell ditching with a treat was better for everyone involved.

Last year, however, we resolved to fully embrace our poor singing voices.

We began with a silly Christmas song and then decided to exaggerate the ridiculousness. After trying out a few, we settled on “Feliz Navidad.” It was perfect! My mom was born and raised in Mexico. This is well known in our ward, and since she is blonde with blue eyes, it is also a bit of a joke. All ten of us dressed up in sombreros; the men had mustaches drawn on and we girls put on vibrant makeup and decorated our hair with big, colorful flowers.

My brother quickly learned the chords on his guitar and he brought his guitar along with a handful of maracas.

Shayli’s Christmas Surprise “It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” We hear the clichéd phrase repeatedly during each Christmas season. Childlike excitement, youthful anticipation, vacation from work, a plethora of good food, sleigh rides and hay rides, cozy fireplaces, and hot cocoa all contribute, yet it is the warm glow of love uniting hearts and the moments of forgiving, servicing, and sharing that truly make this season wonderful.

I was reminded of this tender truth on Christmas day three years ago. My family was gathered around the tree sorting out the gifts according to tradition. Grandpa (my father) would read names scrawled out on decorative gift tags and hand the parcel to the eager hands of the two youngest family members, my nieces Shayli and Lexa.

Once all of the presents had been sorted out, Shayli could hardly wait to start in on her small stack of wrapped goods, especially the box at the top. We all knew what was inside— she had been very vocal about her desired gift for weeks!

Shayli’s favorite movie was Tangled. For months she had envisioned herself as Rapunzel. That purple dress was the only thing missing. She could hardly wait for Christmas to arrive because she knew that there was a good possibility her dream of being a mini-Rapunzel could

For the first time in years, caroling was an enjoyable experience. We loaded up into our fifteen-passenger Ford Club Wagon and began touring our neighborhood.

When a house was chosen we would pull up, open both escape hatches, and pile out. My youngest brother would eagerly ring the doorbell as we waited anxiously on the porch. As soon as we heard footsteps, my brother started strumming and we all started singing. It was loud. It was exuberant. It was accompanied with some great dancing.

It was fantastic. At one house there was a large dinner party going on with lots of guests. Most of them missed our performance and so they asked us to give an encore presentation. We obliged, laughing. Someone wanted the Wallaces to sing again!

For the first time, the night of caroling ended with everyone in a good mood and even still singing. It was a Christmas miracle. In fact, we all enjoyed it so much that this year we think that singing “Oh, Christmas Tree” while wearing lederhosen sounds ideal. 

by Shannon Wallace

become a reality. She was wishing with her whole heart for that purple dress. Now the moment had arrived!

With a bit of prompting from her mother, she was directed toward the correct box. We all watched her smiling face with excitement as she ripped away the wrapping paper. Once the box was opened, her five-yearold hands reached in and with a gasp and a gleeful squeal of joy, she pulled out Rapunzel’s dress. She was elated! Just as she was in the climax of excitement, Shayli’s little sister Lexa ran up to grab the dress. Shayli hugged the dress to her but saw Lexa’s eyes fill with tears. We all thought we were on the brink of an outburst of lovely Christmas sibling rivalry. We all thought wrong. We were about to see the true spirit of Christmas.

Before the first sob escaped Lexa’s lips, Shayli had extended her arms, held out to her long-awaited dress to her sister and said happily, “Here Lexa, we can share!” The girls happily skipped off to their pink princess tent set up in the hallway, leaving us adults in the room with tears in our eyes as Shayli’s precious example of selfless kindness touched our hearts and reminded us all that it was truly “the most wonderful time of the year.” 

by Lanae Carmichaael

Family History Work:

Your Work

by AmberLee Hansen It was all over rather quickly for William Morrow, as quickly as a noose breaks a person’s neck. Whether or not any of his family was present for his last few moments on earth is unknown, but if they did gather, several members were notably missing. William’s father, Robert Morrow, and his brother-in-law, Dr. Peter Bellamy, were still in prison awaiting a trial and verdict for the same crime William had just hung for.

My heart stopped when I read those names: Robert Morrow and Peter Bellamy. Peter Bellamy is my ancestor, and he was being tried for murder. And not just any murder. These men were being tried for murdering former slaves—perhaps even their own.

Family History Work Strengthens Individuals and Families Still on Earth For almost a year after I found the newspaper article detailing the story of my ancestor’s murder trial, I had some pretty strong and conflicting emotions that I struggled to reconcile. Peter Bellamy didn’t just help kill someone—he helped kill a former slave in the aftermath of the Civil War. My ancestor was a murderer and a bigot. So what did that make me? It was hard for me to reconcile my modern viewpoint of right and wrong with the decisions Peter Bellamy made in the past. Not that I thought his actions made me a bad person, but he is my family member, and I didn’t want to believe he was a bitter, vindictive man out to make former slaves pay for the abolition of slavery.

Experiences like these can open our eyes to the fact that our ancestors are real people. They had lives and stories, they made mistakes, and they lived and breathed just as we do now. Too often we hear the words “family history” and think of a bunch of tombstones, pedigree charts, or empty names without faces. We don’t often think of them as youthful, as teenagers, as mothers, fathers, and friends—but they were. They lived lives that were so

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different from ours—whether it was during the Civil War, the Roaring ’20s, or Women’s Suffrage—yet they aren’t so estranged that we can’t understand them. It’s interesting to see the similarities and differences between their lives then and our lives now. By doing family, history you get to know your ancestors more intimately than before and relate to them in ways you never thought possible.

After struggling somewhat with the concept of a murdering, bigoted ancestor, I decided I couldn’t pass judgments on the past; I couldn’t judge my ancestors’ actions any more than I could judge my siblings’ or parents’.

I decided to forgive my ancestor and try to live a life that would make him pleased to call me family. Elder Russell M. Nelson once said, “While temple and family history work has the power to bless those beyond the veil, it has an equal power to bless the living. It has a refining influence on those who are engaged in it. They are literally helping to exalt their families.” I believe that applies not only to our deceased families, but that as we are refined, we are also helping to exalt our living families. In my life, I have helped to exalt my living family as I’ve learned (from my family history research) to be more tolerant and forgiving, to be patient and loving whether I agree with decisions they made or not (although I am by no means perfect).

I can love like the Savior loved without condoning their choices. And, hopefully, they will be as patient with me.

There is Work for You to Do I can almost hear some of you saying, “That’s all fine and good, but the family history work for my family is all done.

There’s nothing left to do.” And I believe you firmly believe it. But if you have the desire to serve in God’s kingdom, He will show you where you can serve. And for the vast majority of you, it will be amongst your own family members in your own family tree. We’ve been told that our work is not done until we’ve presented a book of all our dead to the Savior

S ta n c e

for the

F a m i ly

and He has deemed it worthy of all acceptation (see D&C 128:24). Until that happens there is work for you to do.

When I first logged on to New FamilySearch to look at my family tree, blue check-marked temple icons speckled the screen. It looked like all of the temple work was done for my family, if not back to Adam then to someone close to him. Okay, so I won’t do temple work, I thought, I’ll just figure out who these people were. So I did.

I found Peter Bellamy, the one being tried for murder. As I researched his life and discovered his story, I found that it included children—children that weren’t listed in New FamilySearch. Because I was willing to put forth the effort to start, the Lord helped me find a place in my tree where family members had been overlooked, and I was able to take their names to the temple.

In his October General Conference talk, Elder Scott promised, “Anywhere you are in the world, with prayer, faith, determination, diligence, and some sacrifice, you can make a powerful contribution. Begin now. I promise you that the Lord will help you find a way.”1

Getting started

Family History Work is Hard Work, but Worth It

• Is there a birthdate missing for your great-grandfather?

I was recently helping a student with a homework assignment for her family history class when she said dejectedly, “This is hard.” I wholeheartedly agreed. It wasn’t easy to find the newspaper article recounting the events surrounding Peter Bellamy’s murder trial; I didn’t find it until after I had put in several hours of research. It can be difficult to read handwritten records from the 1800s, time consuming and dull to create source citations for your information, and frustrating to spend a good chunk of time searching for a record just to end up empty-handed.

But don’t stop reading! While family history is by no means an easy project, keep in mind that meaningful projects are not easy—they take sacrifice. Think of the most fulfilling thing you’ve ever done in your life.

What made it so fulfilling? The minimal effort it took to accomplish? Or the effort and sacrifice it took to do it well? Elder Scott acknowledged that family history is hard work but promised blessings that will make our time worth it: “This work is a spiritual work, a monumental effort of cooperation on both sides of the veil, where help is given in both directions. “Anywhere you are in the world, with prayer, faith, determination, diligence, and some sacrifice, you can make a powerful contribution. Begin now. I promise you that the Lord will help you find a way.

And it will make you feel wonderful.”2 Elder Scott called family history a “monumental effort,” but then, we’re supposed to be “anxiously engaged in a good cause” (D&C 58:27), right? Work is a principle of the gospel. But if that isn’t enough to motivate you, consider

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1) Identify what you know about your family • Gather documents you have around the house for yourself, your immediate family, and your ancestors.

• Ask your family members what they know or remember about their lives and the lives of their predecessors.

• Log on to new.familysearch.org to see what information others have submitted to the church about your family tree.

2) Determine what you want to learn about your family • Pick one or two details to focus on first. This will help keep you from getting overwhelmed with the amount of research left to do and give you a direction on which to focus your efforts.

• Does the information your mom gave you conflict with what New FamilySearch says?

3) Select Records to Search and Search Them • Looking for a birth date? Try a birth record, christening record, or newspaper announcement. Need a death date? Try looking at headstones, death records, obituaries, or cemetery records. Trying to document a relationship? Try a marriage record, census record, birth record, or death record.

• Where can you find records?

• Check the wiki.familysearch.org page for the location where your family member lived to see what websites or libraries might have the records you are looking for.

• Check out websites such as Ancestry.com (available in the Family History center of the HBLL), FamilySearch. org, or WorldVitalRecords.com to see what record collections are available.

4) Use the Information Record the information you’ve learned in a family history program or on New FamilySearch.

Prepare names for temple ordinances.

Create a source citation for the information you’ve found so that future generations do not have to repeat the research you’ve done.

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the powerful blessings associated with family history work.

Elder David A. Bednar promised, “As you respond in faith to this invitation, your hearts shall turn to the fathers.

The promises made to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob will be implanted in your hearts. Your patriarchal blessing, with its declaration of lineage, will link you to these fathers and be more meaningful to you. Your love and gratitude for your ancestors will increase. Your testimony of and conversion to the Savior will become deep and abiding. And I promise you will be protected against the intensifying influence of the adversary. As you participate in and love this holy work, you will be safeguarded in your youth and throughout your lives.”3 So “be ye strong therefore, and let not your hands be weak: for your work shall be rewarded” (2 Chronicles 15:7). There are multiple blessings promised for just getting to know your family. What have you got to lose? And remember: don’t neglect your own history. You have a story—keep a journal and stay in touch with family. Take pictures and keep your records in a safe place. Doing so will make family history easier for your descendents.

Conclusion I don’t know about you, but one of the reasons I do family history is to find out the stories of my ancestors. I feel like each of them has contributed to shaping me, and by

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discovering who they were I have discovered small pieces of myself. Even stories like Peter Bellamy’s are worth discovering because they teach us to forgive, help us to be compassionate, and keep us humble. So . . . “what about you? Have you prayed about your own ancestors’ work? Set aside those things in your life that don’t really matter. Decide to do something that will have eternal consequences. . . . I promise you that the Lord will help you find a way. And it will make you feel wonderful.”4 

Notes 1. Richard G. Scott, “The Joy of Redeeming the Dead,” Lds.org, http://www.lds.org/generalconference/2012/10/the-joy-of-redeeming-thedead?lang=eng; emphasis added.

2. Ibid.

3. David A. Bednar, “The Hearts of the Children Shall Turn,” Lds.org, https://www.lds.org/generalconference/2011/10/the-hearts-of-the-children-shallturn?lang=eng.

4. “Elder Scott Urges More Involvement in Family History and Temple Work,” LDS News Room, 7 October, 2012, http://www.lds.org/church/news/elderscott-urges-more-involvement-in-family-history-andtemple-work?lang=eng.

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for the

F a m i ly

Form or Function?

by Jenna Hoffman Every year when the bitter winds of winter blow in, carrying with them fond memories of family and fireplace, and other not-so-fond memories of icicled hair and miserable treks through the snow, we encounter a recurring dilemma: What should I wear!?

On cold, dark school mornings, as we contemplate the frost on the ground outside, the inevitable question is, “Should I dress to impress or go for the sweats?”

A good majority of the time, I find myself defaulting to the latter. For me, being warm takes precedence over looking cute, which means the typical winter wardrobe consists of thick leggings underneath baggy sweats, furry slipperboots, a couple long-sleeved shirts layered underneath a hoodie with the drawstrings pulled tight, a pair of gloves, and a scarf for good measure. It might not be the most figure-flattering outfit, but it keeps me from contracting hypothermia during my descent from campus in a blizzard.

Occasionally, when I feel like it’s time to remind my classmates and coworkers that I haven’t turned into a complete slob, I sacrifice a little bit of warmth and comfort to don a pair of skinny jeans and a cable-knit sweater. And maybe my swanky peacoat. Figuring out what to do with a coat every class can be cumbersome, though, and wearing denim in below-freezing temperatures is akin to a death wish, so like I said, this departure from strictly functional wear only happens for me on occasion.

Of course, I understand that my opinions on this matter might not be shared by all, which is why I’ve labored diligently to find a happy medium for those who

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Photograph by Jordan Wallace

Winter Wear:

want to look decent and be warm—all in one outfit. I’m talking about form and function.

First, if you cannot bear to part with your BDG skinnies for five months, I suggest buying a pair of thick tights to wear underneath. This will create a barrier between your skin and that cold, stiff denim. If you’re opposed to this idea, you can at least keep your lower legs warm with knee-high socks or the come-back item, leg warmers!

Second, invest in a good pair of boots. Boots are great for cold weather because they’re cozy and cute, and you don’t have to worry about puddle leaping or hopping in someone else’s footprints through the snow. It’s a miserable experience to have to walk around all day in shoes that have been soaked through. If your boots aren’t water proof, you can purchase cheap water-proofing spray from any supermarket or shoe store.

Third, layer wisely. It’s true that wearing shirt over shirt can create some awkward bulging, so to fix this problem, try a silk thermal top. Since they were really designed for outdoorsy ski-types, they trap in body heat and they’re super thin, so they won’t add extra bulk.

Don’t let the decision of what to wear now that winter’s here get you down! Wear what feels right for you.

If you’re a sweatpants-and-hoodie kind of person, rock it.

If you’d rather wear that leather jacket and be chilly but fashionable, do it. But there is a happy medium—so if you want the best of both worlds, you can certainly have it. 

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Peppermint Wafer Ingredients ¾ cup crushed peppermint candy cane 1 cup milk Dash of salt 2 teaspoons unflavored gelatin ¼ cup cold water 9 oz whipped topping 23 Oreos

t r e s s e D

7. Pour half of the peppermint mixture over the layer of cookies.

8. Repeat cookie layer, saving 1 or 2 Oreo halves. Pour remaining peppermint mixture over cookies.

Instructions 1. Crush candy canes using a food processor or plastic bag and rolling pin.

2. Combine milk, crushed candy canes, and salt in a saucepan. Heat over low heat, stirring until candy melts.

9. Crush remaining cookies and sprinkle crumbs on top.

10. Cover with plastic wrap and freeze about 3-4 hours.

11. Before serving, allow to thaw 7-10 minutes. Cut into squares and serve.

12. Freeze any leftovers.

3. Soften gelatin in water and then dissolve in hot mixture.

4. Pour mixture into a bowl and chill in refrigerator until partially set.

5. While mixture is chilling, twist Oreos apart and scrape frosting from cookies. Lay approximately half of the Oreos in a single layer on the bottom of 7x9 inch pan.

(There will be holes where the round cookies don’t match up.)

6. When mixture has partially set, remove from fridge and fold whipped topping into the mixture.

Book Reviews The Candy Bomber:The Story of the Berlin Airlift’s “Chocolate Pilot”

by Michael O. Tunnell The Candy Bomber: The Story of the Berlin Airlift’s “Chocolate Pilot,” by Michael O. Tunnell, presents young readers with the legacy of Lieutenant Gail Halvorson, an American pilot who dropped candy instead of bombs following World War II. In this one hundred–page picture storybook, Tunnell entertains his readers with pictures and funny stories without dimming the difficult reality of war-torn Germany. Instead, he highlights a few shining moments that Berliners experienced as a result of Halvorson’s selfless service during such an unhappy point in their lives. With historical comments, an author’s note about meeting the lieutenant, and a foreward by Halvorson himself, this book provides a realistic, personal experience for even novices to the history of the war.

Lt. Halvorson’s story begins when one day on his return from delivering food and goods to Berliners trapped under Soviet rule, he sees a crowd of children on the

ground below. Thinking of how rare it is for them to have special treats, Halvorson decides to add an extra delivery— one that turned into a weekly ritual. To signal to Berliners that it is his plane flying over their neighborhood, he moves the plane’s wings back and forth, a sign that earns him the title of “Uncle Wiggly Wings” from his affectionate fans. As Halvorson’s fame—and the size of his delivery packages—increases, many other countries donate candy to join in the effort of bringing hope to children following a war that did not offer much of it.

Young readers will enjoy the photographs, letters, and drawings from children who were grateful for Lt. Halvorson’s generosity. Not only will this picture chapter book immerse readers in the experiences of other children their age, but it will allow them to investigate the mysterious world of Germany during World War II. Parents reading this book with their children can choose this moment to talk about the history that has shaped our world and the virtues that will always brighten it.

– reviewed by Leah Davis

Finding Peace, Happiness, and Joy

by Richard G. Scott My mother gave this book to me for Valentine’s Day while I was going through a tough time. It has given me comfort, advice, and perspective.

Elder Scott talks about issues from a Latter-day Saint perspective and addresses many issues, including dealing with trials and abuse. His focus, however, is on helping his readers find peace, happiness, and joy in their lives. When I first received this book, I had been struggling a lot with depression. The advice given in this book was very helpful during that time and is something I constantly refer back to.

One of my favorite things about the book is that he is helping the reader to become a better person and most importantly giving sound counsel on how to have the qualities listed in the title of the book. He focuses on the plan of salvation, the Atonement, repentance, forgiveness,

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and other gospel principles designed to bring us closer to Heavenly Father and relieve us of spiritual burdens.

However, there are points in the book in which some principles may not apply specifically to the reader. In these instances he suggests that these concepts may be beneficial to a family member or friend who may be struggling. This puts the weight on the reader to share the keys to finding peace, happiness, and joy with others.

Although it may seem like this book is meant for people who are lacking in peace, happiness, or joy, that’s not the case. We’ll all go through hard times and the advice Elder Scott gives to bring us closer to our Heavenly Father is valuable for the tests and trials we have ahead.

So, with great encouragement, I recommend this book to anyone who needs it or to anyone you think might need it.

– reviewed by Sarah Bitterman

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