Take the Relationship Challenge

Evaluating Your Need for Improvement in Six Domains of Relationship Fitness

By Matt Eschler, PhD, LMFT

We are a quarter of the way through 2021. We are still wearing masks, enduring the COVID pandemic, and hearing rumors of another strain of COVID that may take hold and cause us future issues. We are being bombarded with the “politics of a few” who have loud voices, causing fear and even panic. Amidst all of this, the team at Ascend/Integrated Counseling and Wellness are steadily raising the levels of peace and joy by teaching sound relationship principles. Relationships can provide balance, security, a sense of belonging. A bad relationship, however, can be messy and painful and cause a major loss of security. With everything that is happening in 2021, relationship fitness is a vital key to your mental health and wellness.

As the weather warms up and we move from spring to summer, it seems like the perfect time to issue a challenge: Take a weekend to gauge your strengths or weaknesses in six domains of relationship fitness. Make specific commitments to become whole in these areas. By doing so, you will raise the bar on joy, satisfaction, and peace in your life regardless of what is going on in the world around you.

The Six Areas of a Passionate Relationship

Enhance the quality of your time investment.

Relationships require a significant time investment. As you assess this area of your relationship, don’t give in to the pressure of adding more to your already busy schedule. It may require that you stop some pursuits and begin investing more in your romantic relationship, or it may be that you need to celebrate what you are already doing correctly. Whatever the case, the goal is not to add to busy schedules; it is to enhance the quality of investment you give to your relationship.

Create shared purpose together.

Being a unique, healthy, differentiated person in a relationship is a natural process involving self awareness. it requires individuals to resist the “not so romantic” process of “becoming one” with their spouse. When two whole people work together for a shared vision of the future, it is truly romantic. Seek the skills and talents that your lover has that compliment you. Be in tune with each other. Compliment and celebrate each other throughout the day.

Be playful.

Couples that can find time to play bring a childlike innocence into their lives. Find things you both enjoy and “just do it.” Take the time to invest in play that is both structured and unstructured.

Enjoy creating beauty together.

Share a sunset and discuss what moves you. Remember the beautiful things that you experience during the day, and share these moments together in the evening. Find beauty together and enjoy what it brings into your souls. Sharing the beauty you witness brings your spouse into the scene with you.

Create an active, balanced life together.

Many couples report being on their electronic devices for four hours in the evening. Imagine giving that time back to each other. No matter who you spend time with on your phone, a live person in the room can fill that time in a more rewarding way. Seek to find a life balance that brings you together in a healthy way.

Hold on to what is sacred together.

Be unified in your pursuit of fidelity, spirituality, and future shared purposes. Discuss often what you hold to be true. Discuss the purpose that governs your shared vision of growth. Do not decide that you already know each other. We evolve and mature over time. Keep up with each other by dating/courting, counseling together, and sharing family time.

I encourage you to accept my challenge! The investment you make to the strengthening of your relationship within these six domains will not only increase your satisfaction and joy but also will keep your relationship strong during the remainder of the 2021 year.

About the Author

About the Author Matt lives in St. George, Utah, where he and his wife, Chris, are enjoying their life with each other. Since their children have grown up and moved out to pursue their dreams, Matt and Chris travel the world. They want to visit 200 countries before they are done. Matt and Chris are active in their community and enjoy working out, training for marathons, and spending time participating in numerous activities with their adult children. Matt received a PhD in psychology. He is focused on the arena of resolving personal conflicts and improving interpersonal relationships. In addition to his doctorate degree, Matt has earned a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, studied criminal justice and received a category one license with Peace Officer Standards and Training, and received a degree in the Arts of Business Management. Matt is a professor at Dixie State University and hopes to be part of the positive growth of southern Utah.