Screen Time Versus Family Time

Brigham Young University and American Family Survey tell us that the overuse of technology has moved into the number one spot in our “things to worry about.” American Family tell us that drug abuse, bullying, and sex all take a back seat to screen-time fears in the minds of parents and educators.

A knee-jerk reaction to our fears is to limit or get rid of the item causing concern—to throw away cell phones and keep them out of the hands of our children until they are at least thirty-three years old or to move televisions, phones, game consoles, and anything with a screen to the center of the living room so that we can be there when a child is looking at a screen. Once we start down the road of limiting, monitoring, or leaving behind all technology, we realize that we (husbands, wives, and older adults) are having the same complications with screen time as our children are having.

How many times have you walked through the tables at restaurants and noticed a table of eight or nine adults all sitting with a phone in their hands and their eyes on the screen, ignoring everyone at the table? One researcher calls this phenomenon FOMO: the fear of missing out. FOMO is, according to the slang dictionary, “a pervasive apprehension that others might be having rewarding experiences from which one is absent.” This is a form of social anxiety. FOMO anxiety is characterized by an overpowering desire to stay continually connected with what others are doing. This is so real and so pervasive that people are often “with other groups” while sitting face to face with a spouse or a child.

In 1982, American parents were inundated with research that promoted limiting television use. At that time, most homes had one screen: a television. The television was usually a cumbersome, heavy box sitting in the living room. Wealthy families may have had two or three televisions. People with vision would state that some day, every room of a home would have a screen. I remember laughing at how silly that would be.

Well, here we are in 2021. Not only do we have a screen in every room of our homes, but 72 percent of children who are eight years old and under have a screen in their front pocket or hands. 84 percent of teens who are twelve to eighteen years old use screens to do all social messaging and are on a screen eleven hours a day.

Surprisingly, adult screen-time use is about the same! In 2014, adults spent thirty-nine minutes on a screen each day. A recent survey of adults showed that their screen time had increased to eleven hours a day, an increase of over ten hours a day in just four years! Adults check their phones every four minutes and feel rude if they don’t respond to every message immediately. We have neck pain, headaches, and social anxiety because of our attachments to our electronic devices.

All of this being true, screens are here to stay in some form or another. Technology shouldn’t be stuffed back into a bottle and shelved because of our fears that our children will misuse it. Our children organize track meets, sporting event practices, service projects, and school work on their phones or phone apps. We find our spouses and our children through phone calls, texts, and tracking applications. Phones are part of our education system. Homework is sent electronically, and grades can be accessed immediately by concerned parents.

In his book The New Childhood, Jordan Shaprio tells us that we will be ahead of the screen game if we stop thinking about limiting use and start thinking about enhancing use. Shapiro believes that parents should allow their children to begin their digital experience earlier in their lives and then stay involved every step of the way. I agree with this idea!

By Matt Eschler PhD, LMFT

When children are very young, they love to show off any newlyfound skill. If I insert myself into their digital world at this stage of their lives and begin teaching screen ethics and screen discipline while interacting with them, I have years to teach important skills: paying attention to what’s in front of me versus half attending to a screen while half attending to a face-to-face experience. In other words, you will have much more success teaching cell phone, gamer, and social media ethics to your children when they are young rather than waiting until they are teenagers after they have decided they don’t need your involvement any longer.

One important caveat to this suggestion is that parents like myself need to display screen ethics to teach screen ethics. We need to remove screens from our rooms and banish them from the dinner table. Married adults need to go on couples date nights with no screens. Everything we do or don’t do with our phones and social media is sending a message to others and teaching our youth about screen ethics.

This fall, I suggest that we take a deep breath and decide to connect with our lovers and loved ones. Relationships are a key ingredient to healthy screen use. We always thought limiting use would be a key factor in safe screen usage, but limiting screen use doesn’t really work. Relationships with each other that are deep and rich are what actually works. Using screens, games, and social media to add depth and fulfillment to your key relationships will potentially harness screens for your good. As parents and adult role models harness technology and show healthy ethics, the rising generation will follow in their footsteps. The following are some ideas for screen time ethics:

• Ask questions about what is on your child’s screen. Don’t lecture; inquire. • Show interest in what youth are looking at, playing, or discussing at a very young age. Don’t wait until they are teens to begin screen interactions. • Play games with your kids. Join them in their chosen games and comment on them. If games are violent or games glorify negative themes, resist giving a lecture, and instead, have a discussion. • Limit family screen times in a logical fashion. • Bedtime means no screens in anyone’s room—even parents’ rooms. • Have a central charging station for everyone. • Dinner time discussions can include screen time if it enhances the family discussion. Remember, if dad is on a work-related call through dinnertime, the kids take note of his screen time ethics. • Parents must actively teach youth empathy, tolerance, and interpersonal skills as well as how to engage in face-to-face conversations. • Don’t be “absent present.” This is when you listen to your child or spouse while a screen is in sight. When a screen is in sight or checked during a conversation, meaningful conversation becomes surface conversation. Deep disclosures end due to the fear of being interrupted or a belief that they won’t be a priority. • Married parents should not take their cell phones on a date. This teaches that human face-to-face contact is important to you. Your children will probably live without contacting you for four or five hours while you’re on the date.

These suggestions are a short list for your consideration, but you can add your own “family flavor” to the list of screen ethics. As you leave the era of consequencing, limiting, or abolishing screen and social media use, remember that you are entering new territory, and be patient as you work through the rough patches. Screen ethics are a completely new discussion for most families.

I’ve been a marriage counselor for thirty years. I’ve talked with hundreds of couples and their children. One thing I know for certain is that if we constantly consider the health and quality of our three key relationships, God, spouse, and children, we will harness technology and use it to build deeper, more connected relationships with everyone around us.

About the Author

Matt lives in St. George, Utah, where he and his wife, Chris, are enjoying their life with each other. Since their children have grown up and moved out to pursue their dreams, Matt and Chris travel the world. They want to visit 200 countries before they are done. Matt and Chris are active in their community and enjoy working out, training for marathons, and spending time participating in numerous activities with their adult children. Matt received a PhD in psychology. He is focused on the arena of resolving personal conflicts and improving interpersonal relationships. In addition to his doctorate degree, Matt has earned a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, studied criminal justice and received a category one license with Peace Officer Standards and Training, and received a degree in the Arts of Business Management. Matt is a professor at Dixie State University and hopes to be part of the positive growth of southern Utah.

Dining Guide

St. George

Angelica’s Mexican Grill

101 E. St. George Blvd., St. George, UT 84770 | 435-628-4399 Mexican | Vegetarian and Vegan Options | Family Friendly | $ Mon.–Sat., 11:00 a.m.–9:00 p.m.; Closed Sun.

Located Downtown on St. George Boulevard, Angelica’s Mexican Grill serves fresh, made from scratch authentic Mexican food. The flavor driven and nationally recognized menu provides everything and more that you would expect from a Mexican restaurant, including street tacos, Mulitas, Tortas, Sweet Carnitas, Machaca, and their famous salsa bar. Vegan and Vegetarian dishes are always available. Seating is available inside and also outside on the spacious patio. Catering & To-Go ordering available.

Benja’s Thai and Sushi

2 W. St. George Blvd. #12, St. George, UT 84770 | 435-628-9538 Thai | Sushi | $$ Mon.–Sat., 11:00 a.m.–10:00 p.m.; Sun., 1:00 p.m.–8:00p.m.

Hungry for sushi? Hungry for Thai curries? Benja’s Thai and Sushi, in the heart of downtown at Ancestor Square, will satisfy your craving with fresh sushi, curries, noodles and a great beer and wine menu. Stop in with business colleagues, friends, a date or the whole family, and be sure to come hungry – in addition to curries, noodles and sushi, Benja’s salads, soups and sticky mango rice are not to be missed.

Cappeletti’s

36 E. Tabernacle, St. George, UT 84770 | 435-986-4119 Italian | Steak | Seafood | Contemporary | $$ Lunch: Tues.–Sat.,11:00 a.m.–3:00 p.m.; Dinner: 5:00 p.m.–9:00 p.m.

Centrally located in historic downtown near Town Square, Cappeletti’s is a favorite for casual business lunches, friend and family gatherings, and romantic evening dining. Authentic Italian pastas like gnocchi bolognese or cannelloni will comfort and satisfy, but if you’re not in the mood for pasta, the fresh fish of the day, tender Black Angus flat iron steaks, market fresh meats, and poultry are all prepared daily and presented beautifully. In this quaint and cozy family owned and operated restaurant, plan to settle in for warm, friendly Italian cuisine with an Argentinian flair, and leave satiated in body and soul.

Katering Koncepts, Inc. – Full Service Catering & Event Rentals

1495 S. Black Ridge Dr., Suite A210, St. George, UT 84770 | 435-574-0059 Menus include buffet options, breakfast, lunch, dinner, appetizers, and gourmet lunch boxes.

Call Katering Koncepts when it just has to be Perfect! We will customize any menu just for your event. Serving the St. George and surrounding Southern Utah areas. Katering Koncepts sets a new standard in private, corporate and wedding events. We have a full line of rentals including tables, chairs, linens, formal dishware, decorations, dance floors, tents, serving dishes and many other items to help make your event a success. Call us or visit our website at www.kateringkoncepts.com for a complete list.

Magleby’s

1450 Hilton Dr., St George, UT 84770 | 435-652-9600 American / Dine-In | Catering | $$ Mon.–Sat., 11:00 a.m.–9:00p.m.; Lunch Buffet, Wed., 11:00 a.m.–2:00 p.m. Closed Wed. 2:00–4:00 p.m. and on Sunday

With over thirty years of catering experience, we guarantee to make your next event magical! Everything we do we do with love, and you won’t find another catering company with as many homemade recipes or fully customized options. If you’re looking for a culinary experience creatively tailored to fit your event, we’re at your service.

Red Fort Cuisine of India

148 S. 1470 E., St. George, UT 84790 | 435-574-4050 Indian | Vegetarian, Vegan, Gluten-free Options | Healthy | $$ Mon.–Thurs., 11:30 a.m.–9:00 p.m.; Fri.–Sat., 12:00 p.m.–10:00 p.m.; Closed Sun.

Located in the shopping and dining hub just north of St. George Boulevard, Red Fort Indian Cuisine is the only authentic Indian restaurant in St. George. The flavors are unique and harmonious, and many of their menu items are vegan, vegetarian or gluten free. Stop by and experience the delicious flavors of authentic East India. The elegant and inviting atmosphere paired with their kind and friendly staff, is sure to provide for a relaxing, enjoyable dining experience.

The Painted Pony

2 W. St. George Blvd. #22, St. George, UT 84770 | 435-634-1700 Steakhouse | Seafood | Contemporary | Healthy | $$$$ Lunch: Mon.–Sat., 11:30 a.m.–4:00 p.m.; Dinner: 4:00 p.m.–10:00 p.m.; Sun., 4:00 p.m.–9:00 p.m.

In the heart of Ancestor Square, the Painted Pony delights with an upscale menu, full beer and wine list, cocktails and exceptional service. Prepare for a sensory experience with complex flavors, top-notch presentation and a beautiful atmosphere. Evening ambiance complete with soft lighting, fresh flowers and patio dining. Locally sourced, organic, vegetarian, vegan and gluten free options are available for every palate.

Pizza/Pasta Factory

Pasta Factory: 2 W. St. George Blvd. #8, St. George, UT 84770 | 435-674-3753 Pizza Factory: 2 W. St. George Blvd. #8, St. George, UT 84770 | 435-628-1234 Pizza Factory Express: 1930 W. Sunset Blvd., St. George, UT 84770 | 435-634-1234 Pizza Factory Pineview: 2376 E. Red Cliffs Dr., St. George, UT 84790 | 435-688-2656 Pizza | Pasta | Dine-In | Take-Out | Delivery | Salad Bar | $$ Mon.—Sat at 11:00 a.m.

The Pasta Factory, with its year-round, climate controlled outdoor patio dining wows with custom-made pasta, soups, sandwiches and salads. The Pizza Factory offers three locations with the best and freshest salad bar in town; homemade soups, sandwiches, famous bread twists and Southern Utah’s favorite pizza combinations.

Twenty-Five Main Café

25 Main Street, St. George, UT 84770 | 435-628-7110 Cafe | Coffee Shop | Gourmet cupcakes | $ Mon.–Thurs., 8:00 a.m.–9:00 p.m.; Fri.–Sat., 8:00 a.m.–10:00 p.m.

Visitors step from the streets of St. George to an atmosphere reminiscent of a Soho cafe when they stop by this counter-style downtown gem for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Delectable salads, panini sandwiches done to perfection, and pasta are the featured menu items, but most diners frequent the café for its cupcakes. Twenty-Five Main is perfect for a business lunch or breakfast, a get-together with friends or a quiet spot to relax in the evening before absorbing the downtown art-walk in St. George.

RESTAURANT JOURNEYS: KATERING KONCEPTS

WHEN IT JUST HAS TO BE PERFECT

Ten years ago, Kelly Shannon and Doug Naetzel shared the vision of creating a catering business that would provide for people a gold-standard experience for both private and corporate events. Kelly and Doug have always enjoyed entertaining. Long before Katering Koncepts was formed, Kelly used her culinary arts degree to host huge Christmas parties for family and friends at their home. With hundreds of guests in attendance, their parties became legendary. Guests raved about the decadent food, magical ambiance, and festive atmosphere they created. In 2009, when Doug’s construction business was impacted by the downturn in the housing market, the couple decided to turn their passion for entertaining into a business, and Katering Koncepts was established. Their family-run business has been serving southern Utah and the surrounding areas ever since.

Katering Koncepts is now a full-service catering and rental company, a one-stop shop for everything needed for a party or event. Although events differ in size and scope, decor, and guest expectations, clients can entertain with confidence knowing Katering Koncepts has taken care of each detail from set-up to clean-up.

Katering Koncepts offers mouth-watering buffet-style breakfasts, lunches, and dinners as well as elegant sit-down meals. Their menu selection provides a variety of choices that have a touch of both comfort and elegance and were developed to satisfy a broad range of pallets. While the menu selection is vast, Kelly willingly creates new food items to match a client’s theme or special request, ensuring a unique experience for each event. Clients can rest assured that Kelly will carefully consider their individual wishes and customize the event to suit their unique desires.

In addition to offering exceptional food, Katering Koncepts also has everything necessary to create an environment that is both functional and aesthetically pleasing. They provide tables, chairs, linens, formal dishware, tableware, barware, serveware, and more.

Kelly and Doug credit a large portion of their success to their ability to play to their own strengths. Doug’s strength is relationship building. His genuine interest in people and his ability to connect and carry on a conversation with anyone has lent itself well to helping Katering Koncepts establish connections with businesses, vendors, and people throughout the communities they serve. Kelly’s strengths lie in her exceptional culinary skills, her organizational skills, and her attention to detail. As clients describe their needs and desires, Kelly masterfully transforms their vision into a sensational experience that is appealing and tasteful to all. Guests are astonished by the remarkable display and incredible food, which often becomes a conversation piece.

Whether serving a group of 2000 guests, as they did at the St. George Air show, or providing a romantic moment for two, as they did when they decorated an entire hotel suite, complete with everything from appetizers to champagne to rose petals for a couple’s wedding proposal, Katering Koncepts’s commitment to consistently providing exceptional service and client satisfaction is always their number one priority.

For more information or to view sample menus, go to www. kateringkoncepts.com or call 4355740059.

Let Katering Koncepts take the stress out of your holiday season. Reservations are filling up quickly, so book your holiday event today!