The Purposeful Creation of Family Unity Passions and Hobbies Make Us

The Purposeful Creation

of Family Unity By Matt Eschler, PhD, LMFT

Regardless of the constellation of your particular family, it is likely that each one of you are very busy. Young families are busy building careers, going to school, caring for youngsters, and running a household. Families with older children are busy attending athletic functions, school activities, and work events. Empty nesters are busy trying to coordinate schedules with adult children, grandchildren, and the myriads of involved others in their lives. It seems that maintaining family unity is an impossibility.

The past three decades of watching families grow and change has left me with five clear, manageable ideas for fostering unity in your family no matter what stage of life in which you may be. Because these ideas are easy to understand and implement, they could change the dynamic of how your family works together to build and maintain solidarity and harmony.

The following ideas can be adapted to fit the various roles, ages, types, personalities, or constellations of your particular family unit. Regardless of the design and composition of your family, you can always invest in unifying its members toward healthy relationships with each other.

1. Create a Family Governing Purpose

A fun activity to do with your family is to define and create a written governing purpose or mission statement. A governing purpose is a short phrase or slogan that generalizes your family’s beliefs and values and helps to drive positive behaviors.

A family mission statement can have a tremendous positive influence on your family, so you will have more success if time is set aside when every family member can participate in constructing it and committing it to paper. There are many resources on the internet that can guide you and your family in creating your own governing purpose. These can be found by doing a simple Google search.

You might be surprised at the way a well-defined governing purpose motivates and inspires your family. It can help them change an ingrained habit, eliminate destructive self-talk, provide a clear-cut pathway during times of family distress, and remind them of who they are and what they stand for. A governing purpose can teach character strengths. increase family productivity, and sometimes, provide a shot of humor during tense family discussions. While a governing purpose does not solve family problems, it does provide a boundary that encourages family members to act within the family ideals and goals. As the years pass, your family governing statement can be updated and be a part of what unifies the family going forward.

2. Communicate Clearly While Fostering and Nourishing Communication

Clear communication is extremely important in a family because it creates space for family members to express their needs, wants, and concerns to each other. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as their love and admiration for one another.

Make time in everybody’s busy schedule to stop and talk about things, even if it is only for ten minutes a day. A great time to do this is around the dinner table or at bedtime. Share your accomplishments and activities of the day. Listen with empathy to the thoughts and feelings of your family members and share your own. Remember that children learn by example. Your undivided attention—with no television or electronic screens present—for just a few minutes a day can make a big difference in modeling good communications skills for your family.

3. Craft Traditions and Rituals That Are Flexible

Clearly-defined traditions are anticipated by every member of the family. Traditions bring meaning to celebrations, foster strong family bonds, nurture family connections, and create a sense of belonging. Celebrating a tradition helps a family understand that they are part of something unique and extraordinary.

Keeping family traditions going often takes planning and commitment. This can be daunting if traditions are expensive and highly involved. If you are establishing new family traditions, it is best to keep them simple. Playing board games on Sunday evening, going on a picnic the first day of summer vacation, eating breakfast with grandma every Wednesday before school, watching the sun rise on the new year, or going for ice cream when the chores are completed are all simple traditions that are easy to repeat and carry on. There are plenty of ways for families to bond without spending money.

Allow each member of the family to participate in some way. As children get older, they can learn leadership and organization skills (and pull the family together) by helping to carry out longstanding family traditions.

Be open to the idea of trying new things and then scrapping them if they don’t work out. Do away with traditions that are not working for your family but are repeated over and over because… well, it’s a tradition. Celebrating your unique family traditions will give your family members a strong sense of belonging, increase family unity, and keep generations connected through their shared history.

4. Cheerlead and Celebrate Accomplishments

Genuine, enthusiastic celebration of a family member’s success or accomplishment is one of the most impactful techniques you can use to create family unity. When you take the time to cherish achievements as a family, you’re helping family members to understand that positive accomplishments benefit not only the individual but the family as a whole. These accomplishments might be small: passing a spelling test, learning a new song on the piano, loading the dishwasher for the first time. Or they may be large: getting a high score on the ACT, being elected class president, making the soccer team. Whatever the accomplishment, find ways that your family can celebrate it together. Cheerlead for each other simply by knowing each other’s goals and checking with each other to give encouragement. Remember that you are always modeling behavior, so be that positive source of unconditional regard for the other members of your family, and they will follow suit.

5. Commitment to Investing Your Best Self to the Family

In today’s busy world, it can be tempting to wear yourself out by doing something for everyone else while giving your leftover energy and time to your family. This gives the impression to every member of your family that they are not as important to you as your co-workers, church members, extended family, or friends. If you want to increase the unity and love in your family, give your family your A-game! Learn to say no so that you can reserve enough energy to give them your best self.

From my perspective, the family government is the building block of society. Strong families will generate strong communities.

If your energy is spent strengthening your family unit, you will be a force for greatness in your neighborhood, your community, and your nation.

About the Author

Matt lives in St. George, Utah, where he and his wife, Chris, are enjoying their life with each other. Since their children have grown up and moved out to pursue their dreams, Matt and Chris travel the world. They want to visit 200 countries before they are done. Matt and Chris are active in their community and enjoy working out, training for marathons, and spending time participating in numerous activities with their adult children. Matt received a PhD in psychology. He is focused on the arena of resolving personal conflicts and improving interpersonal relationships. In addition to his doctorate degree, Matt has earned a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy, studied criminal justice and received a category one license with Peace Officer Standards and Training, and received a degree in the Arts of Business Management. Matt is a professor at Dixie State University and hopes to be part of the positive growth of southern Utah.