ShellsuitZombie Magazine Issue 5 by ShellsuitZombie

Jessie J once said that it wasn’t about the money, money, money, and suggested that we instead focus on making the world dance as the price tag didn’t really matter. Unfortunately for the element of believability, Jessie J was bloody loaded at the time she sang this song. Of course she didn’t care about the money; she had tonnes of it. Most of us aren’t Jessie J, which is good because she’s irritating and can’t really sing, or judge properly on crappy talent shows or do anything else of any value. We can do things of value because we’re better than she is at life; we’re just not paid as well for doing it. This, as you may already know, is far less good. Every single one of you reading this magazine and every single one of the people who contributed to it has ability. Without people like you and us the world would be grey and mundane. There would be nothing nice to look at, nothing interesting to read, listen to or eat. We’re the creative cogs that keep the world worth living in, yet far too often we’re expected to go unpaid for this. Weird, right? This issue looks into, around and at times straight through the matter of money in the creative industry. We’re not saying it will provide all the answers, but it will give you some clues and hopefully at least three laughs along the way. (We’ve counted them.) Is the solution printed on the final page? No. Is the solution the situation we have now? Definitely not.

Words by ASH BILLINGHAY Background by ALICE MILNES Cover illustration by CHRIS (SIMPSONS ARTIST) 4

SCRATCH CARDS ARE SLUTS

PAY US SOME BLOODY MONEY

HOLLIE NEWTON: INTERVIEW WITH A CREATIVE DIRECTOR

10 SMALL WAYS TO GUILT-TRIP YOUR TIGHT EMPLOYER

POKEMON: PLAYING WITH FIRE

ME, MYSELF & NATWEST

THE GROWING TREND OF HIP-HOPRENEURS

WORKING FOR MONEY: TURNING DREAMS INTO REALITY

GOLDIE: BE PART OF THE FUCKING EXPERIMENT

POPULAR CULTURE HAS BLINDED MILLENIALS IN THE SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS

A LOVE LETTER TO A BIRO PEN

STUDIO FIFTYFIVE: WHAT A RIDE

JOIN US AT THE FUCK UP TABLE

DOLE

#DADJOKES

Scattered throughout the mag you’ll also find a whole load of tasty illustration from some super-talented grads. You can check out more of their work via their Twitter accounts that we’ve got listed on our masthead on page 59. 5

Words by HOLLY ASHBY Illustration by STEPHANIE BONNER Now, I’m a rabid feminist who usually disapproves of this sort of language, but it simply has to be said that scratch cards are the sluttiest little teases to ever torment mankind. They decorate themselves with pots of gold and flying pigs and flaunt themselves in display cabinets, wiggling and jiggling and giving it all that, but do they ever come through for you? Of course they don’t. If I were a particularly judgemental woman from the 1950s, I’d be tempted to use the word “trollops”, but for now I must restrain myself. As the months after graduation roll by and insolvency starts flirting with you with all the determination of a Bonobo monkey that’s recently spent months alone at sea (before you start saying I don’t do anything for you, dear reader, know that I had to type “type of monkey that has sex all the time” into Google to remember the lustiest of apes and I am now on some kind of list), you begin to realise some shocking things. Firstly, you recall that point at university where onions were slightly out of your price range and you despairingly thought “this is peak skint. I can’t possibly get skinter than this without some kind of government agency stepping in to help”. Then you realise that comparatively, this was in fact a financial high point.

Scratch cards on the other hand are irresistible. They are like Beyonce wearing a crown of cheesecake, or Ryan Gosling standing quite close to a plate of sausages. They promise a manageable yet very useful amount of money that would actually change your life, and they do so in a way that suggests that one day, you are definitely going to win. It’s like a shortcut to doing everything you’d like to do rather than everything someone else tells you to. Unfortunately, they are also a big fat the-most-youwill-ever-win-is-£10-you-useless-pleb LIE that we should all shun like a leper in Jesus times. As much as it’s terribly unfair, the majority of us will have to work at becoming a creative success in the traditional, hard graft manner. I can only hope I’ll get a kind of satisfaction from this that £100,000 falling into my bank account wouldn’t provide.

“Like Beyonce wearing a crown of cheesecake, or Ryan Gosling standing quite close to a plate of sausages”

Secondly, it begins to dawn on you that people don’t get up at 6am and go to work every day for 40 years because they are unusually masochistic, as you had always assumed, but because they have to. Now for anyone as inherently restful (I’ve decided to rebrand “lazy”) as me, this is a prospect as terrifying as going to a party hosted by hungry space lizards. In the resulting blind panic, Winning The Lottery becomes a legitimate life plan. 6

Not the Euromillions, obviously. In those moments between buying a Euro lucky dip and finding out the results, brains wildly malfunction and convince their owners that they may actually have won that 80 million pounds. What to do with 80 million pounds? Now you think about it, that seems like an awful lot of pounds. There probably shouldn’t be 80 million of anything without some kind of pest control being called. And your partner is looking at you differently. They’ve already started to love you for your limitless wealth and not because you are utterly fabulous, as they should. This is a nightmare. Friends will turn against you. Your new house will become infested with woodworm and you’ll buy a cursed diamond and get eaten by a giraffe from your personal zoo. OH GOD, WHY DID YOU WIN ALL THIS MONEY? It’s going to ruin your life! Burn it! Burn the lottery ticket! Frightened and partly singed, you decide that all in all, the Euromillions experience is just too stressful.

Dear employers, are you insane? Or do you think we’re mad enough to consider your insane claims? When you say working for free is fair game, And could help us progress in our careers and gain, Good insight into life in the job of our dreams, Only you expect us to cope without cash, it would seem, And just go along with these slavery schemes, Accepting that food is nothing more than a theme, To put in our books that we’re making for nowt, Having to work several jobs to fork out, For our travel expenses and renting a house, It’s a dive, but hey, that’s all our cash flow allows. Let’s try and see some perspective, The youth are the future and you should be protective, It’s hard enough work without you getting aggressive, Stop speaking crap and start being reflective. Would you have liked to work for nothing? Nah, because your work, like ours, deserves some funding, We’re not asking for our banks to have millions pumped in, Just enough to help us grow into what we’re becoming. Unpaid work simply ain’t right, And this is where we start our fight. So either get on board and join our side, Or run away; it’s time to hide.

Words by ASH BILLINGHAY Visuals by AMY LEIGH 9

Comic by Bridget Meyne

Interview with HOLLIE NEWTON by ASH BILLINGHAY Collage by JO CHURCH

Hollie Newton is Creative Director at Grey London and all round good egg. We asked if she wouldn’t mind answering some questions for us and, due to her being said good egg, she said that was fine. Here are those questions, handily accompanied by her answers.

1. What were the main worries for you financially when you first got into the industry? I seriously didn’t have any money. I’d spent everything on the MA to help me get into it, then got to London and had to stay on friends’ floors. My old partner and I decided that we wouldn’t go anywhere that paid less than £250 a week on placement. It cut out half the agencies in London at the time, but we just couldn’t afford to live on less.

2. How fair did you find your initial pay packet? To begin with, I was so excited to be hired that I didn’t notice. Then after a few months I realised... it wasn’t much different from being on placement.

3. What were the main difficulties you encountered in getting your first paid job? Proving what I was capable of. You have to find someone who sees your potential, truly, and is willing to take a risk. It took us about 6 months. It’s surprising how much it comes down to someone you’ve seen for a book crit happening to speak to their mate who also runs book crits...

4. Do you think things have got easier or more difficult for young creatives trying to pave their way? With the recession... far more difficult. I know we’re out of it now, but there’s a backlog of 4/5 years’ worth of ridiculously talented creatives waiting in front of new graduates. You have to be truly brilliant/unexpected/memorable to stand out these days. A hand drawn Daler A3 portfolio won’t cut it anymore.

5. How do you see the world of internships changing over the next few years? I can’t see it changing much. You have to test people out to see what they can offer, if they’ll fit in, if they like it, and so on. Every agency’s so different. It’s like trying to find the perfect adopted family.

6. Why do you think people find it easier to ask for creativity for free than they would do another service? Because a creative career is a brilliant career, with a gazillion people waiting to step into your shoes. Like publishing, or fashion, or film. Who wouldn’t want to work in them? There’s a feeling (right or wrong) that you have to earn it. Prove yourself. And that’s true. I’d just like to see people paid a little more for doing so.

Thanks Hollie. You can check out Grey London’s work over at grey.co.uk, and you can follow Hollie on Twitter at @HollieNuisance.

“You have to be truly brilliant/unexpected/ memorable to stand out these days. A hand drawn Daler A3 portfolio won’t cut it anymore.”

Words by SPADGE “SARAH” WHITTAKER Visuals by CHRISTINA BUTTON Don’t work for free, people! You’re being exploited and you’re worth far more than that. Plus the fact that you’re less experienced means that you won’t just bring the same old, stale ideas to their ever-ageing table. You’re new, original and probably drunk, which means brilliant fresh insights for their company. There is one exception to this rule - I understand that sometimes an opportunity will arise where you would actually pay them to have their name on your CV. And in that case, I won’t make you feel stupid for accepting a ridiculous unpaid placement, so long as you make them feel stupid in the process... So here are 10 simple tricks to make your employer feel as shameful as they should for not paying you your worth...

Half-fill an empty mayonnaise jar with vanilla yoghurt, take out a spoon and announce “the homeless guy outside said I can finish his mayonnaise...” proceed to eat yoghurt...

Scratch yourself every time they walk past, then use their computer to Google ‘accommodation without fleas’

Walk into the office while on your mobile phone shouting “I promise I’ll find the money OK just don’t hurt her!!!”; rock back and forth throughout the day

Turn up to a meeting with a hole in your shirt that reveals your nipple, “Moths, eh. What can ya do...”

Ask them if they plan on finishing that cup of coffee

Stand on the curb with your thumb out as they pull out of the car park

Return from lunch everyday with a fluid-donation medical container

When they ask what you got up to this weekend, reply with “It was ace thanks - the local pimp said they might finally be recruiting!”

Write big brand names crudely on your clothes with a marker pen

When your boss walks past, hand a random £20 note to the colleague closest to you and say “thanks so much for lending me that, I’d never seen one in real life before...”

Illustration by Thomas Key

Illustrations by Martina Paukova

Words & Photography by NATHAN PERKINS You would hear kids talking about them. You would see them being passed around under the desk in class and kids gathering around them at lunchtime. Soon they were all doing it. I knew it was taboo and I wanted in. After school one day I begged and begged my mum to swing by the corner shop on the way home. Falling for my sweet nine-year-old charm, she parked up and I hopped out. I saw them straight away. A cardboard box half full of packs of Pokemon cards. The fact I wasn’t enticed in the slightest by the surrounding colourful mishmash of chocolate bars and sweets is testament to how pivotal this moment was. I was entering a whole new world. A Squirtle, a Caterpie, a Geodude, a fucking Ninetails! Not bad for a first pack. I had the beginning of my posse and I was ready to catch whatever else was out there. It wasn’t long before I realised that this pack wasn’t going to be enough. I’d have to sacrifice my short but sweet relationship with my Caterpie in order to get my hands on a…Magneton? Are these kids crazy? It appeared that I had the capacity to really excel at something that had so heavily seduced me. I knew I was flying high when I got a shiny rainbow energy. I had a card you didn’t even know existed. And I’m not talking about those shiny-all-over pieces of shit that your mate brought back from his family holiday in Majorca or the 1999 epidemic of Japanese ‘special’ cards that disregarded the sacred names of the original 150. It joined the cream of the crop in the top section of my deck. It stood proudly alongside my Blastoise, Venusaur, Gyarados, Zapdos and, the most iconic of all, my Charizards.

handbag. Carefully monitoring the conversation and anticipating any movement towards the hall, I dipped my hand into the bag and retrieved her purse. I opened it and took out the crispest of £20 notes you’ve ever seen. I woke up the next day and it felt like Christmas. I was going to gorge on Pokemon cards and so I walked to the corner shop. The same corner shop my mum once dropped me off at to get my first pack. I felt uneasy and I wasn’t sure why. Twenty pounds was nothing to my parents, right? It was another week of scraping satisfaction for me. It was almost fate that in those six packs of cards I didn’t find one shiny. What use was a handful of Weepinbells and Jigglypuffs to me and my plethora of superior Pokemon? I returned home disappointed with my haul and possibly even with myself. My parents were waiting for me. I had been convinced I’d get away with it, but in hindsight I realise my judgement was clouded. Of course my parents would notice a missing £20 note. Especially when it was the only note in the purse. After an intense 20-minute interrogation I confessed my crimes. “What did you spend it on?” my mum asked. I felt pathetic in my reply. “Pokemon cards,” I said. The interrogation turned intervention as my Pokemon cards were taken from me and thus all achievements stripped.

“I realised that my love for the game had turned into a shallow lust; a greed that consumed me “

Notice the plural. I’d worked hard to trade my way to three shiny Charizards without compromising the integrity of my deck. This is the moment in your Pokemon career when you’re meant to take a step back and fully appreciate the skills you have picked up along your journey and how much it has helped you develop as a person. But the intensity of the game just seemed to fuel one thing; the desire for more Pokemon. I had become a slave to the never-ending quest of the momentarily satisfying acquisition of a new card. It wasn’t even important to me how I acquired it. It just had to be mine.

In the coming weeks I reflected on what had happened both on that weekend but also throughout my career. I realised that my love for the game had turned into a shallow lust; a greed that consumed me and in turn drove me to consume cards. I would spend time with my friends who still collected and played. They looked happier than I had ever been, even when I was at the height of my game. For them Pokemon was social, it was almost a team game. It reminded me of the joy that first pack had brought me, and how much I had looked forward to showing it them.

It’s hard to process as a ten-year-old. The feeling that you need something you can’t have. My usual sources of new Pokemon were drying up. It transpired that kids on my block didn’t want to trade or play with me because they knew what would happen to their inferior decks. The only reliable source of cards left was the corner shop.

After seeing how much my friends enjoyed their cards, I decided to deceive my parents one last time. I snuck into their room and found my cards. After a brief flirtation with the idea of stealing them all back I decided to I take just my three shiny Charizards. The next day I gave one to Matt, one to Kalim and one to Ross. I’d realised money isn’t a shortcut to satisfaction.

One Friday evening, whilst I could hear my parents talking in the kitchen, I stood in the hall and stared at my mum’s

You gotta catch them all. Not buy them all. 19

Words by ALFIE WALDRON Illustration by SAM BROWN I’m going to be brutally honest with you now, I’m in debt. And I don’t mean just debt, I mean oh Christ I’m going to have to run away and change my name so NatWest can never track me down kind of debt. But that’s ok right? I’m a student! We’re supposed to be in debt! We laugh about how skint we are and make jokes about getting our card refused in Primark. In the immortal words of Drake (no, not yolo. I’m not taking this article there, don’t worry) “guess you win some and lose some, long as the outcome is income”. That’s how we act. It’s ok to be in debt now because in the long run it’s all going to pay off. Lose some money now, gain a lot more later. And that might be spot on for someone studying pharmacology or politics but we all know we’re not toddling out of our university courses and jumping head first into creative director roles, don’t we? Studying to go into ad land is totally different from any other course so surely our debt is too? It can take a LONG time to get into an agency and even then there’s no guarantee of that leading to a steady income. With the end of my third year looming on the horizon, the true horror of my debt is dawning on my still plump from first year face. So I’ve decided to make a change. I’m going to claw my way out of my debt in true student style, with the least effort possible. So I’ve devised some changes that are (hopefully) going to help me on my financial mission. NO MORE JUST-EAT Yes I’m one of those guys. And so are you! Can’t face chicken nuggets and chips for a third night in a row? Finished 200 words of your dissertation and deserve a treat? Just-eat is a fatty enabler and will drain your bank account before you know it. If I delete my account I’ll probably not need the other four points but yolo I’ll carry on (yes I eventually went there I’m sorry). BUY A FLASK I must drink on average four coffees a day and that’s just while I’m in the studio. I’ve had a flask of coffee every day for the past two weeks and my bank account is already looking a little healthier.

BE IN THE KNOW Every uni student has at least one friend who seems to go out every night of the week and still afford a Chinese with the rest of you on a Sunday night. No they’re not a bank robber or a magician; they just know the cheapest nights and the cheapest drinks. Weekends are for rich locals and almost every club has a Jäger night and joining every club Facebook group will help you find them all. You’re never going to stop going out clubbing, but stopping going to the most expensive venues in town will do your wallet a world of good. (ED: Your liver will be screwed though.) ABUSE THE DISCOUNT What’s the best thing about being a student? The nightlife? The independence? Nope, it’s the student discount. A student discount is something I’m really going to be bitter about giving up in a few months. 20% off at Topman? They’ll have to prise my university ID out of my cold dead hands. Taking advantage of these deals is a sure fire way of saving a few quid. Every little ads up and it means you can still take advantage of some of the high street stores you likely couldn’t afford otherwise. LUXURY? WHAT LUXURY? If you’re anything like me you try to live the lifestyle you think you deserve and not the one you can afford. I want to be able to go to the cinema, go paint balling, have three nights out and do a £150 food shop every week. Can I afford a student ticket to go and see Cars 2? Not on my weekly budget. A weekly budget should be your new religion and no one ever “makes up for it next week”. You’ll spend more than your week’s budget and do the same the week after. Admit to yourself you’re not in any position to demand luxury anything. If you can do that and stick to your weekly budget you’re doing a lot better than me. I hope my advice has helped you and I hope even more so that it helps me. If I make it out of this year with even half as much money saved as I had planned it’ll have been a success. Editor’s note: Once you’ve finished reading this magazine you can plant it in your garden and use it to grow a money tree. We’ve done the science.

Comic by Kate Ducker

Words by LUKE FORSHAW Illustration by RUSSELL TAYSOM “Wake up in the morning, take a money shower / Now I’m smelling like money, got the money and the power” As he stumbled down Mount Sinai with the eleven commandments, humming LL Cool J and fuelled by his fondness of Inspectah Deck’s early mixtapes, Moses scratched the final line from the stone tablets which told “thou shalt not brag over the 808”. Thus, hip-hop’s ego could remain. But why, even all these years later, does incessant bragging about wealth carry such gravitas in the hip-hop world?

Originating in 1970s America, hip-hop was a way in which the lower classes could respond to being excluded from the richer upper classes. It existed in a way that gave people inspiration that their hopes and dreams would be realised too. Perhaps this is simply what artists want to convey with their lyrics: their relentless self-promotion demonstrates success, creates a personal sense of worth and gives the previous exclusions the finger. In the words of Lester Bangs, here’s a theory for you to completely disregard... Even though such lyrics could be perceived as a stark reminder to the listener that they’ll never experience the lifestyle enjoyed by those they’re listening to, you could argue that they also provide inspiration that the shackles of the lower classes can be broken.

s les t n e rel r ion i t e o h m ss, “t ro e p c c f u sel s s e t nal a o r s t r e ons a p h and dem s t ate wor ious cre f o I’m not insinuating rev se p n that all hip-hop artists e s the s the spout about their s e personal wealth giv lusion (think the Beastie Boys, ” c r. ex e Eminem, and – to an extent g fin even Kanye), but there is a prevalence to

Beginning the article with a caveat, this isn’t a rant saying all artists within this category adhere to such brash boastfulness, but there is a certain precedence to have lyrics address either the importance of making money, or the importance of spending money, that isn’t prominent in alternative genres. The credence to brag about success exists in hip-hop like no other musical genre. The chieftain of immodesty would be the self-confessed “business, man” Jay-Z, who since his debut album in 1996 to his Samsungendorsed 2013 effort has told his listeners he’s “getting dough” (‘Cashmere Thoughts’), needs “to film MTV Cribs for a week” (‘Jigga That Nigga’) and “I want a trillion” (‘Picasso Baby’).

The leading hip-hopreneur isn’t alone in his immodest lyrics though; other examples include Diddy politely informing us he’s “worth about a billion and still run the city” (disclaimer: his net-value is $580m), and Nas commenting “I’m worth two hundred million now” (the IRS disagree to the value of about $206m). So what’s the motivation for such scribing?

such crassness within hip-hop that you wouldn’t get in the rock, classical or reggae genres, for example. Even the standardised uniform of chains, watches, spinning rims and tattoos is based on the portrayal of financial comfort and excessiveness – the very American Dream (seemingly the UK’s nouveau riche) that the initial 1970s hip-hop movement aspired to achieve. A wise man named Ghandi once commented that; “health is the real wealth, not pieces of gold or silver”. It seems to an extent the hip-hop industry disagrees. Perhaps someone should have got Bapu a copy of Streets is Watching one Diwali.

5 2

email telling them that it was wrong to steal from a poor intern. (ED: Depends how nice the soup was, really.)

How did you know what was a fair deal? Money and its quantity, or lack of, shouldn’t be a taboo subject - everybody knows it’s happening, therefore everyone else in your position is going through something similar. Talk about it with your friends and see what they’re earning. If you’re sleeping with the cleaner you might want to keep that quiet but there shouldn’t be any stigma attached to asking your boss how much money they’re going to be handing over at the end of the month.

Words by AMANDA ELVIDGE and LILY PETERS Illustration by MAT ROFF Imagine a world in which being paid to do work was the norm. Imagine how much easier life would be if you didn’t have to bring up the issue of cash with your boss at every available opportunity, because if you didn’t you’d starve and die and get eaten by rats. It’s a dream, a fantasy, you might say, but it’s also a possibility. We asked the young creative team of Am anda Elvidge and Lily Peters how they’ve gone about achieving it.

question- how much will you be paying us? Even by email it felt like it was rude to ask. It was a bit like when you get a present and your parents tell you off for Googling how much it cost.

Young creative team of Amanda Elvidge and Lily Peters, how have you gone about getting a paid job?

A few forms and some bank details later we were on a set £250 a week, which was plenty for us to survive on and, gauged by the reactions from fellow placement teams, seemed reasonable.

A few weeks after we finished university we moved down to London and started our first ever placement at VCCP. I’m still not sure how we pulled it off. We didn’t really know what to do so we went for celebratory tea, phoned our parents, emailed the address we’d scribbled down, arranged a start date and left it at that.

How did you bring up the subject of dollar? By the time July came around we had rent and bills and council tax to pay, so we decided to ask the awkward 26

We felt really lucky to just get a placement and that we shouldn’t be overly concerned with how big the paycheck was going to be - and quite frankly we had no idea how much we should be expecting.

Yeah! Our next placement was at Kindred. When we first met with the CDs for a book crit they actually brought up the subject of money, asking how much VCCP were paying us. It was really nice to know upfront that we would be working for people that understood we had rent to pay and that placement teams shouldn’t be expected to work for nothing. They stood by thei r words - somebody stole my soup from the fridge and our Creative Director sent an all-staff

Top tip: the more people talk about money, the less secretive the world of paid placements will become. Nearly five months later and we’re still at Kindred; they’ve actually given us a pay rise. It’s been really nice that money hasn’t come between us and our career in advertising - for the moment at least - and I’m certain that we’re lucky that this is the case thus far. Our university tutor once told us that we were ‘not completely inept.’ This is something to judge how much you should getting paid by. If you are a bit shit or a bit of a dick and an agency takes a chance on you, then be grateful and hope that they let you stay. On the other hand, if you think that you’re alright at what you do and the agency concurs, then there should be an agreement of how much your time and ideas are worth.

Exactly. All ideas are worth something. It’s up to you to work with your employers to decide on how much that is. Thanks Amanda and Lily. Editor’s note: Amanda and Lily were offered an actual, proper job shortly after writing this for us. Coincidence? Yes, completely. But it goes to prove that the slog is worth it. Congrats etc.

Illustration by Timothy Tang

Illustration by Sam Ailey

Interview with GOLDIE and photography by JONNY BURCH Goldie, aka Clifford Joseph Price, can safely list amongst his achievements: DJ, producer, actor, reality star (x4), and for the longest part of his career, artist. Both product and founder of the early nineties Jungle and Drum ‘n Bass scene, Goldie rose to fame partly through his pioneering ‘timestretching’ technique and partly due to his more structured classical-esque approach to music-making, allowing his 1995 album Timeless to help progress the genre beyond its previous confines of rave material to a more respected art-form. The title track is a 21 minute epic that literally ebbs and flows like a symphony. (He later blew that out of the water with 71 minute-long Mother, released 2 years later.)

This natural ability led him in 2008 to a second place in ‘Maestro’, the BBC’s orchestral conducting reality TV show behind The Great British Bake-off’s Sue Perkins, by far his most successful foray into reality TV. Other outings on Celebrity Big Brother (2002), Celebrity Mastermind (2009), Strictly come Dancing (2010) and Come Dine With Me (2010) saw him faring less well. He’s also appeared in several films including Guy Ritchies Snatch and Bond meh-fest The World is not enough as well as a two year stint in Eastenders. However, most importantly Goldie is also a fine artist.

I first met Goldie, bizarrely, because he wanted to buy a piece of tree off my dad. A storm had blown a large oak down in the churchyard of St Lawrence Church in Bovingdon, Goldie’s home village, and as the parish vicar my dad was in charge of removing the wood. Goldie successfully negotiated a slice and I went round to see what he was going to do with it. It turned out that it involved chainsaws. Goldie the artist today has evolved from Goldie the graffiti artist of the 1980s. His graffiti work in Wolverhampton in the 80s took him to the US where he also started selling grills (gold teeth) in New York and Miami. This love of graffiti still pervades every element of Goldie’s work as well as his home - spray cans are still the central focus though they are now tempered with raw wood, elemental and found objects, lots of varnish and even sculpture and photography. He recently sold a solid bronze and chrome skull – complete with gold teeth – to ginger strummer Ed Sheeran, turning down an offer from 1D fop Harry Styles in the process: ‘I didn’t even know who that guy was, but Ed and I are mates’. It’s an objectively huge set of achievements to notch up in one career. But upon meeting Goldie it becomes immediately clear that this is a man driven to create to the point where he may never be able to stop. I turned up at Goldie’s house with a camera and my laptop to see him bombing out of his drive in a white 4x4. A bit odd, I thought to myself - We’d texted each other only ten minutes before to confirm. Nevertheless I knocked on the door and ended up hanging out with his wife and daughter watching Cbeebies for 20 minutes while Goldie went to pick up his mate from the station. Suddenly he turned up, bouncing off the walls about the home-made salt fish fritters he’d been presented with and hugging his wife ‘I’m the luckiest man in the world, I swear’, before I managed to tie him down for long enough to take a few photos, all the while Goldie talking non-stop and me cursing the fact I hadn’t tuned on my recorder yet. Finally, photos over, I managed to get him sitting down for a chat about the youth of today, harnessing creativity and where he gets his drive. Warning, it contains lots of F-bombs.

Jonny: I was 9 when Timeless came out and our readership were still swimming around in their dads’ balls. Goldie: Left testicle or right testicle is determined by whether your dad was creative when he put it in there. 32

Is that true? Apparently so. Obviously this generation is very different - the difference is that parents can sometimes become friends. Technology has folded time. Back in the 70s when we were sneaking out the fucking window and no-one knows any different with our parents knocking on the door ‘Are you there darling, are you there?’ It’s purely because it’s a generation very in touch, with social media and whatever. I remember looking at a picture of my dad, wearing a check plaid suit with his foot on a log, and I’m thinking ‘who is this black guy from the islands’ you know? And then I look at my daughter who’s 16 now asking if she can borrow my Stussy jacket. That’s what happens with technology. If you think you’re insignificant you should try sleeping in a fucking tent with a fucking mosquito. We’re at the end of Moore’s Law* now and we need new ways to handle technology and apply it to society because it’s getting out of control. Let’s hit that send button BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE do you know that Somerset’s underwater? We have no reality because it’s on a fucking laptop. It’s been warped by technology and science while schools are way behind.

When I was stealing paint at the humble age of 17, at least I had an appreciation for the amount of paint I had and what I’d gained for a period of 6 or 7 weeks, collating a quantity of pissy paint so I could do my next wall. It’s no different than the schematics of making a record, waiting in line, cutting a dub-plate, sticking a label on it, going to a club, queuing up to see Fabio or Grooverider, handing them the record, sitting on the dance floor waiting for it to get played. It didn’t the first week; it might have done on the third week. It’s all fucking disposable now. We’re in a world of technology, but what’s tangible about it? Do you have a craft? If you close your laptop can you do anything?

If you were 18 again now, what would you start on?

video game. Everyone wants to eat each other’s faces off. The trolls are over-ground, they’re going mad! My thing is even though I’m part of this human race I don’t want to be a part of it. 15 years ago I wouldn’t even let you blink at me but now I work doubly hard to not eye everybody on the fucking train. I would study fucking hard. I would try and make my abstract life make sense when everything seems the same. When was the last time you had a real conversation with your dad? When was the last time you talked to your mum or helped her cook? So what, you’re grown-up, you’ve got a pair of balls and you’re shafting some bird called Vicky? I spent my entire life in care so now I find ‘life’ really worth living. There’s not a day I don’t get up and have that drive.

I can tell you what not to do. All kids will do this, you’ll rebel, you’ll sniff your fingers, you’ll wank, you’ll chase the girl, all kids do that it’s what they do. The only thing that separates us from animals is a toilet door and some wallpaper. What you have to work out is how to be individual in a world where everyone’s the fucking same. On Monday there was that tube strike and I’d got to Highbury and Islington and it was like dead rising, like a

* A prediction by engineer and co-founder of Intel Gordon E Moore, who claimed that the number of transistors in electrical circuits (and therefore the power of technology) would double every two years, a prediction that has more than come true so far. 33

Where do you think that comes from? It comes from abandonment issues and being misunderstood. Duh, I chose Drum and Bass and graffiti. It was about trying to experience life as much as possible, the good and the bad of it.

But you could have been a businessman or anything. Why that? I could have been a good fucking crime guy. When I was a kid I did some really bad things. I knew I was troubled, I knew I had issues from a really early age. Watch good films. Watch good documentaries. Make stuff. Close your laptop for fucking one day of the fucking week. Get out more. Go and climb a fucking hill. Go and punish yourself in the gym. Go and run around the block until your heart wants to burst out your fucking chest. Paint until it makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Write words that fucking even Iggy and Bowie in the 60s would be proud of. Be experimental. The greatest things come from experimenting, being part of the fucking experiment. I’m not asking you to stick fucking knives in rabbits’ eyes. It’s about saying hey man, we’ve got to pick up the mess. I play to these kids and I think ‘hey you look sad’.

What about social media? It’s the velvet claw. It feels soft and cosy but it’ll claw you to death. Keep it at arms’ length. I use it, I have 60 odd thousand followers but I don’t trust it. It’s not real. I went to see this native Indian, I’ll never forget it. It’s stuck with me all my life, he said I have a bowl, I’ve got this gift in my bowl, and it’s my job to give this gift. With social media we take a lot but we don’t give much back. It scares me. You can sit on the internet and lose your life with whatever else is going on. Close the lid man, don’t lose your life.

Everyone’s very self-aware, right? Yeah, it’s called the ego, and people need to lose that very quickly. We’re all human, we all have 8 pints of blood and we piss and we shit. That’s why I do Bikram Yoga. If I was 18 and someone told me to do some Bikram I’d be there like a shot. It gets rid of all of that ego stuff. I’ve done more work while doing Bikram than I have in the whole rest of my life. I’ve been a drug addict, it’s been all over the news. I’ve lost a lot of people, lost a few friends to that. Now I wake up every morning and I tell myself

‘I’m going to die’. So heaven is this, here right now. This moment, the light hitting my face, I’ve got smell, I’ve got touch. You know what hell is? Not being to remember any of it. If a Buddhist chants for 25 years or a priest goes into a church for 25 years, do they get to go to heaven? I don’t believe in that, heaven is now. So I think ‘what can I do to leave my mark today?’ Because there’s no tomorrow, no future. We create tomorrow today.

Have you ever found that there’s been something you haven’t been as good at as you’ve wanted to be? How do you deal with it? Yeah, ironically I could never read music. But it made me want to make music even more.

Was there a moment of realisation? Yeah, dyslexia. I’ve never been able to read well, I used to have to hold a ruler firmly under the line I was reading just to do it. I’d read books and read the same paragraph over and over again. But I like that because it meant I had to do it differently. I think this may be a made up word but I use a ‘seancic’ method with music, pulling it vicariously through others. Like a séance, I work with engineers and puppeteer the music together.

What inspires you? Bikram yoga, carving wood, walking my dogs and going out and playing music. I’m going to Misk in Russia, I go and play for hours, I don’t look at my watch, I play until they’re done. And experiencing life.

Anything coming up? Yeah, Timeless is being orchestrated! It’s going to be for the Melt Festival at the Royal Festival Hall. No-one even knows about it yet but we’re working on it now. It’s been in the planning for a while but it’s finally going to happen.

Cracking, Cheers Goldie.

And then just like that, Goldie’s off on his next adventure. Who knows what it will be. You can get info on everything Goldie online at goldie.co.uk. I strongly encourage you to also listen to Timeless on Spotify or the internets somewhere; it’s a journey. 34

Illustration by Eric Chow

Illustration by Lauren Kelly

(like me)

Words by DAVE WEATHERALL

Illustration by OLI ROGERS

If you’re a young human like me living in the Western world, money is probably on your mind. Why? Because we’ve been mind-fucked (also known as ‘Westernised’) into believing that money = happiness. Throughout the wonder years of the 1990’s to the early 2000’s, TV shows like ‘MTV Cribs’, ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire?’, music artists like 50 Cent and Jay Z have done nothing but sell us hopeless dreams, telling us that money will solve all our problems. When in reality, is money even the answer? Sure, in a world where we’re forced into being the only species who pay to live here. Yes, we probably do need a bit of money. But my point is, money isn’t (or at least shouldn’t be) the answer to happiness.

Yes, most of us have idealistic aspirations based around the unrealistic reality that has been sold to us through the medium of mega-rich celebrities and success stories on shitty TV shows. And yes, even our school teachers told us that we needed to get good grades to become high-paid doctors and lawyers in order to ever amount to something. But we’ve also forgotten what it means to be happy.

“All we are doing is anchoring ourselves down to lives we don’t want”

In the words of ‘Alan Watts’ – a late British-born philosopher – “if you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you’ll spend your life completely wasting your time. You’ll be doing things you don’t like doing in order to go on living, that is to go on doing things you don’t like doing – which is stupid!” You see, when we invest time into a career that we don’t really like, all we are doing is anchoring ourselves down to lives we don’t want. The problem is we’ve been conditioned to believe that we have something to lose if we step outside the cultural norms of Western society. But without this false-ideology we’d be able to make decisions based entirely on what we desire, without being tied down by our material possessions or “good career progression and development opportunities”. 38

It really upsets me when people complain about things like debt and say “the happiest years of your life will be when you’re young – so enjoy them while you can”. In fact, it really makes me want to fly-kick that person in the teeth. Because all that does is pollute my mind with a pessimistic view of my future. Admittedly I’m not planning on becoming a real life 20-something Peter Pan, but I’m also not going to turn a certain age and give up on my life.

Ask yourself, what makes you happy? And if the answer is different from whatever you are doing with your life, why is that? Why aren’t you taking a risk and moving abroad? Why haven’t you quit your job and started that business idea of yours tucked away under the hypothetical carpet of your mind? I’m not saying we should all grow dreadlocks and start listening to Jimi Hendrix. But we (including myself) need to stop blaming money for holding us back from pursuing our dreams. We need to undo our monetary-based illusions and stop blinding ourselves with materialism. If we all try to remember who we were, before we were told who we were meant to be, we might actually realise that money isn’t what we’re searching for – it’s happiness instead.

Words by ASH BILLINGHAY Illustration by SAM AILEY

Dearest Biro, It is with great trepidation that I write these words, as I know you have been in the hands of many another man before me. My friends would tell me that confessing my feelings to you in such a bold way was unwise, especially as you have let me down before and meant I’ve had to resort to a lead based alternative, but I must ignore them and follow my heart. I’ve denied my emotions for so long, pushing them to the back of my mind out of fear that letting them out might end up with me being hurt, but if you can’t risk being hurt for love then what can you do it for? Yes, that’s right Biro, I love you. There, I said it. I love the way you feel between my fingers, I love the way you squirt when I move you right, I love the mess you make of the clean white parchment I rest your tensed up body on when I’m finished with you. But this is more than just a physical thing. This is more than I’ve had with any other pen. You are in my head all day and all night, giving me a reason to get up and filling my dreams with a new found hope. With you I believe I can make great stories, create music, fill the skies with the most romantic poetry and then bring them all down again with a deep sadness that one can only feel when one has felt such joy beforehand. Together, Biro, you and I can make the world whatever we want it to be. We can live the life we choose to live. We can be whoever we want to be by each other’s side. I want to go on a fantastic journey in which every day is part of some wonderful adventure. I want to come home at the end of every chapter and know that I have lived it to the fullest, and I know that with you by my side that adventure will be more delightful, more enchanting and, ultimately, more fun than I could ever hope for without youthere. More than that, I know that I can make your adventure incredible too. I wrote this part of my story without you, Biro, and I never want to have to do that again. You are a blot on my heart that I don’t want to have to wipe clean. Together we can set the world on fire. Together we can make magic. I love you Biro, I love what I can create with you. Come back into my hands and let’s create some more, let’s create our future. Always, Writer. x 40

Illustration by Jonny Clapham

Words by ANDREW MUIR WOOD Visuals by CHRISTINA BUTTON A couple of years ago, a marketing executive from 55DSL took a risk by letting a pair of chancers (ShellsuitZombie) take over their flagship store in Shoreditch for a 6 week creative event. He knew that if you entrust young creative people with space, time, publicity, beers and materials, and challenge them to go as big as they can, they will surprise even themselves with what they produce. And we did. There were no contracts, detailed proposals or purchase orders, just a gentleman’s agreement to give it 100% and see it through to the end. We were protected from the harsh realities of indemnity insurance, event security and internal budget reports (areas with which we are now painfully familiar). This, to me, is a perfect model of how brands can work with young creatives. Don’t just chuck cash at them, remove barriers instead. Our work with 55DSL has all been part of StudioFiftyFive, their “platform for creativity”. Sadly this project is coming to an end. Over the next few pages we celebrate StudioFiftyFive’s illustrious history of collaboration in which ShellsuitZombie has played a prominent role.

DEC 2008 // SOHO // STREET ART Rabodiga and Mitchy Bwoy: Hell hath no fury

Aug 2009 // Notting Hill // ART/MUSIC 15th Anniversary Party

Oct 2009 // Soho // ILLUSTRATION Andrew Clark: The Learning

Oct 2009 // Soho // SCULPTURE/PRINT Sanderson Bob and Sam Sherborne: Pic+Mix

Dec 2009 // Soho // STREET ART Chu and Disco Teck: Pic+Mix May 2010 // Shoreditch // SPORT Galactic Battle of Foosball: UK Final

June 2010 // Soho // PAINTING Nick Gentry: Auto-Emotion July 2010 // Soho // STREET ART BEST | EVER: The Delicacy of Passion Nov 2010 // Soho // PHOTOGRAPHY Gavin Watson: Neville

Jan 2011 // Soho // PHOTOGRAPHY Alex Fakso: Fast or Die

Feb 2012 // Shoreditch // MUSIC/ART New store in Boxpark 45

Mar 2012 // Shoreditch // STREET ART Dragon76: Coexistence

May 2012 // Shoreditch // Event ShellsuitZombie: Uncontained For Uncontained we took over the 55DSL store in Shoreditch for 6 weeks, and gave it to a different creative individual or group each day. We built a website and call-to-arms video to attract applications from creatives from around the UK. The roster was a ridiculously eclectic mix from photographers, film-makers, artists and illustrators to interactive music installations, a live TV show, a bubble-wrap party and a funeral. We had 4 boozy parties, giving out over 6,000 free cans of Oranjeboom (smooth, refreshing, the taste of a generation). We had our own magazine launch, a Kigu animal cosplay party and YCC hosted the closing event. But our favourite night has to be the LeeFest “festival in a box” though. After Lee backed a Land Rover full of speakers into the store, we were blown away by performances from the sadly demised Lean Poppa Mean, the explosive DJ Sai and Ghostpoet who turned up later on to drink wine and play some tunes.

Oct 2012 // Shoreditch // FILM/FASHION Little White Lies and CANADA

Feb 2013 // Hoxton // Party StudioFiftyFive.com launch ShellsuitZombie’s sister agency ZombieLabs worked with 55DSL to reinvent StudioFiftyFive online. From this point on, it would be a global initiative, no longer tied to one physical space. The new website allowed people to experience events online in a new, holistic way: with the hype before, live-streaming content during and pictures/videos of the event all kept in a single space rather than in disconnected blog posts. 8 young artists, film makers and DJs from across Europe and the USA were recruited to share their lives on the site. Everyone got together for an epic relaunch rave-up in a grimy Hoxton railway arch that saw huge performances from Toddla T and Gorgon City and 5000 beers. 46

Apr 2013 // Japan // STREET ART ESOW: Gakyoucyuunen

May 2013 // Clerkenwell // ART/SPORT Benjamin Murphy and Ping Tron

July 2013 // LeeFest/Bromley // Event StudioZombie We built a pop-up creative space at LeeFest, the award-winning independent music and arts festival in South London. It was a shady area to lounge in and watch artists and sculptors working live. The centre-piece of the area was the StudioFiftyFive “Transitformer”, a robotic stage built from an old van, which we used for chilled-out DJ sets in the day and live bands and crazy parties by night. Upcoming band Lost Orders pulled in a big crowd with their unique sound and energy. Whinnie Williams gave such a confident performance that you wouldn’t know this was their second gig ever. The DJ line-up of Raffle Mafia, Mohson Stars, Sam Ailey, Ray Murphy and Paul Avery kept the big tunes coming all weekend. The live artworks included a 10 foot penniless king in his pants, by Sebaldo and Kyle Henderson’s 8 by 8 foot monster illustration in pen and paint.

Apr 2014 // Shoreditch ShellsuitZombie Issue 5 Launch

Oct 2013 // Shoreditch // FASHIOn VA: 5 Years of 10.55 Limited Edition T-shirts

So this is it, our last event with StudioFiftyFive, it’s been emotional. We won’t forget the support that they’ve given us and we will continue their work of removing the barriers and providing the platform for young creatives to go bigger than ever before. 47

Illustration by Jay Chaudhri

Words by SPADGE “SARAH” WHITTAKER Illustration by ALEX VISSARIDIS We asked the Zombie with the silliest nickname what she thought about fucking things up. She wrote this and now we want a flying yacht. Standard. You know when your parents introduce your siblings to their friends and they have this huge grin on their face as they start to list their many achievements? So proud. But then the gesturing hand lands on you and their smiles drop, as they awkwardly grasp for a few of your positive personality traits instead? Yeah, well, better come sit with me over here at the fuck-up table then.* There are, however, many benefits to sitting at this table. As a group, I feel that we are misunderstood... ‘Fuck-up’ is a presupposition; to have messed something up means that we must have first attempted something ambitious, right? And those of us who actually attempt something, no matter how crazy, are what this world needs more of. Just ask Richard Branson. Branson will be too busy being awesome and growing one mighty fine beard to reply, but if you read his books then you’ll know that he’s been completely bankrupt a number of times and has almost died trying to beat his own personal records. I’m not saying be risky to quite that extent, but I am saying that bouncing back from rubbish situations can happen if you don’t quit. Fuck-uppers are also go-getters. We’re risk takers, living examples of setting the bar eye-wateringly high. And in that case, I think it’s OK to fail. Just think of the amazing tried-and-failed stories you’ll hear at this table. Jealous you’re not one of us now, eh? Sorry you filled us with pity now, aren’t you? Ignore their mockery. Your time will come, fellow Facebook dodger. Soon they’ll all want a ride on your flying yacht. *Once at a wedding we had to sit on the table with all the little kids. This could have been awful, but then we made a den under said table and spent most of the afternoon eating cake. It then became awesome. You can turn a potential fuck up into a fantastic victory and then, hell yeah, your flying yacht will become ridiculously popular. 51

Words by SOMEONE COOL Visuals by SOMEONE COOL

Neil slumped in the chair, leaving the pen dead. It had been one o’clock two hours ago, and there was work to be done in the morning. I watched as he turned the empty pages of the book, once again having written nothing. It had been the same for several nights since he’d decided to take up the project again; no words, just air and a faint sense of the will to, you know, do something. He lifted his head from the desk and turned towards me — face pale, eyes enlarged with tiredness. A fucking mess. “Jesus, Neil. What’s up with you?” Before financial security, before the joys of ingesting other people’s hair on the crowded tube home — still young and still in the belief he could change the world, Neil had abandoned a job he hated in pursuit of Something Bigger. He told me that his experiences of unemployment and being a broke-ass had been kind of limited. Living in South London, he’d experienced a lot of the effects of poverty but more so indirectly - you know, like the sudden influx of budget supermarket stores and crappy one-pound junk shops. Becoming impoverished was a challenge for Neil. He was OK, though. Writing was his thing and he had the next Ulysses between the pages of his journal. Then he’d decided that being poor didn’t suit him anymore. “I’m going on the dole, darling. I need money for cigarettes”, he smirked one day. Typical Neil. And there the job centre had been, a Babylon for unemployed creatives and the terminally lazy — its orange signage all shiny like a beacon in the Dickensian mist. Neil said the centre he frequented felt like a refugee camp for people running from the law, and good fashion. A metal detector would have yielded enough weaponry to support Khalisi’s army, he’d imagined. He also commented that it was impossible to ignore the scent of poor personal hygiene and despair. I didn’t like the way his face twitched when he said that. 52

“ho w n job ot to y cyn ou ica lov end and l ab e, h up i n a ow enc o to oun ever ut e ver b ter yth be yon e i ng a t ed, ota and you e l j ack how ass to .” To coach him through the intricacies of government, a personal advisor was provided. Wesley. Wesley was an inspirational kind of guy who would eventually teach Neil a lot about life and the way the world worked, such as how not to end up in a job you love, how to be cynical about everyone and everything you encountered, and how to be a total jackass. Wesley didn’t care that his young protégé was going to be The Next Fucking Joyce. He barely would’ve minded if he noticed Neil had failed to meet the dole requirements (which, incidentally, he never did, not even once). Quite often, Neil would take the longest, most scenic route home from the centre because it meant he could walk through the park and just absorb the sense of community there amongst the crackheads and drunks. It was at times difficult to keep a serious face while he was telling me this, but Neil had a future then. Neil didn’t enjoy being poor, so he went back to the old job. No more words, no more imagination. It was five-thirty all of a sudden. Neil stood up and began to collect his belongings from around the room. Shoes, coat, keys… Time for work. I bid him farewell, watching him trudge off to the impending doom of the day, muttering to himself. “Chin up, kid. It’s going to be OK.”

Words by REBECCA WALLACE Illustration by SEB HEPPLEWHITE 53

In the Matrix, Neo sees the world as lines of code. Andrew Muir Wood is the same except he sees only puns and double-entendres. He also wears more plaid than Neo. WIN the original post-its! Figure out what each of these drawings represent and email a photo of the finished spread to team@ shelluitzombie.co.uk by July 31st. Share your own #dadjokes doodles with us on Twitter too.

Illustrations by Si창n Spicer

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITIES Seeking skilled plumber to fix my bathroom tap. No budget to pay you, but it’ll be good for your CV and I’ll tell all my friends about you and how good you are at fixing taps so they will also get you to fix their taps when/if they break. Please call (555)-748-9837. If I don’t answer immediately, it’s because I’m busy stroking my chin. I won’t be long. Frustrated designer seeking to employ a psychic so I can figure out what the fuck my “I’ll know it when I see it” client has in their head. (555)-873-0984 Confused owner of a fizzy drinks company, seeking skilled graphic designer to make “it” pop. (555)-387-3987

ELECTRONICS FOR SALE For sale, one Wacom pen. 2 years old, displaying disturbing signs of sentience. Appears angry. £14. (555)-984-2387 FOR SALE: iPhone 7, nearly new. Flappy Bird, Monument Valley, texts from ex lover. £20,000. (555)-489-3763

SEEKING CONNECTIONS Dirty fonts need a good hard kerning (555)-876-2876 Seeking bearded designer to rebrand every inch of me. Txt me (555)-983-2832 Art director who lost copywriter in a pitch that went tragically wrong. Looking for love again. (555)-987-2363

OVERBEARING CLIENT SEEKS SUBMISSIVE FREELANCER 4 HEATED EMAIL EXCHANGES

Disgruntled illustrator wishes to find out Mr Bingo’s real name to “sort things out” after receiving a nasty postcard. (555)-287-1098 Ou est la piscine? (555)-219-2109

Ex Culture Secretary, late forties, seeks new role after public dismissal. Preferably with some form of housing benefit. (555)-876-3876

Image file format seeking openminded individual for dirty weekend. Lasso me, remove my layers. (555)-987-3932

(555)-876-2876 You were on the train to Dalston Junction wearing plaid last Thursday. You made my logo bigger. Who are you, my bespectacled superhero? Call me. (555)-387-9876 LGBT IT PRO WLTM CEO W. GSOH LOL OK BRB KTHXBYE. (555)-894-8764

Messy illustrator seeks diminutive partner with an eraser for a head to clear up pencil marks all over everything (including genitals). (555)-276-3873

Database just out of long relationship, looking for validation. (555)-110-0101

ROOMS / FLATS FOR RENT I’m looking for a room in east London I’m offering 5p and a packet of ham per month and had no takers yet so thought I’d try here. (555)-675-8763 3 bedroom flat, fully furnished, spacious, great view. Comes with faint smell of dead dog. Basement inaccessible due to reasons. (555)-298-3498 57

I fear the lack of certainty, but it is inevitable in the creative industry. We do not know if we will keep our jobs, or if we will be able to pay our rent. Whilst many people crave stability, we have chosen a career path in which we never really get to grasp it. If we knew where we would be in ten years would we spend all our hours working? The uncertainty is what keeps us motivated; when we are not feeling at our best it forces us to be our best. This instability is nested into the creative industry and I do not wish to escape it.

Words by TEAGAN ROBINSON 58

EDITOR Ash Billinghay

@Ash_Billinghay

ART DIRECTOR Alex Vissaridis

@vizzee

WORDS

DESIGNERS

Holly Ashby

@PicturesByHolly

Sam Ailey

@samailey

Amanda Elvidge

@amandaelvidge

Stephanie Bonner

@stephbonner_

Luke Forshaw

@lucasforshaw

Christina Button

@ChristinaButton

Lily Peters

@LilyPeterss

Livija Dale

@Laiferr

Teagan Robinson

@TeaganDRobinson

Amy Leigh

@AmyCeceliaLeigh

Alfie Waldron

@AlfieWaldron

Emily Salinas

@Emily_Salinas_

Rebecca Wallace

@yessurprises

Dave Weatherall

@_mynameisdave

DIRECTORS Jonny Burch

@jonnyburch

ILLUSTRATION/PHOTOGRAPHY

Andrew Muir Wood

@muirface

Sam Brown

@MakeMeAbreu

Jay Chaudhri

@illustratedjay

ZOMBIES

Eric Chow

@ericwychow

James Atkins

@JOswaldA

Chris (Simpsons Artist)

@getbentsaggy

Chantelle Barton

@ChanBarton91

Jonny Clapham

@jonnyPclapham

Jo Church

@jotothejo36

Kate Ducker

@K_Ducker

Robert Cross

@RobertPCross

Seb Hepplewhite

@Seb_Hepplewhite

Christopher Cryer

@WriteyGentleman

Lauren Kelly

@LaurenKelly_LK

Jake Haynes

@jakehaynes_

Thomas Key

@Thomas_Key

Becki Hemming

@Hemming_Way

Bridget Meyne

@bridget_m_

Pete Murgatroyd

@petemurgatroyd

Alice Milnes

@coldtoaststudio

Nathan Perkins

@senorperkins

Martina Paukova

@martinapaukova

Charlotte Prince

@CharlottePrin10

Mat Roff

@MatRoff

Jade Spranklen

@Sprankenstein

Oli Rogers

@Otheroli

Matt Weatherall

@MTWTHRL

Murray Somerville

@MurrayMangoose

Stuart Whitehead

@StuartWhitehead

Siân Spicer

@Spiceeeey

Spadge “Sarah” Whittaker

@Spadgerina

Timothy Tang

@arcade28

Christopher Wise

@wistopherchrise

Russell Taysom

@deceitfulpie 59