Print Edition: Dec. 19, 2019

Update on the Push to Shore Up Faltering Union Pension Funds

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FEATURES | POLLS | TAKING LIBERTIES | ISSUE OF THE WEEK

MATC’s Downtown Campus

Proposed Budget Cuts at MATC Could Mean Decline in Classroom Quality ::BY ERIN BERGE

he Milwaukee Area Technical College (MATC) District Board of Directors’ proposal to lower part-time faculty salaries, remove the “class & step system” and reduce paid hours outside the classroom raised concerns about the quality of education offered by MATC from the American Federation of Teachers (AFT) Local 212.

After a compensation study compared MATC to other technical colleges in Wisconsin, the board of directors proposed a 20% reduction in new part-time faculty maximum pay and a reduction in paid hours outside the classroom from 102 to 84, according to AFT Local 212 Executive Vice President Kevin Mulvenna. The proposal would also eliminate the “class & step” system that determines faculty raises based on years worked at MATC and years of professional education.

“The question that needs to be asked is very simple: Who on Earth makes less today than they did 10 years ago for the same position? The answer? MATC part-time faculty, but certainly not MATC administrators,” Mulvenna says. As MATC salaries for administrators increased by 12.4%, total salaries for full-time faculty rose by 1.6% from 2016 to 2019, he says. Today, part-time faculty can earn a maximum of $5,575 for a three-credit course, which would decrease to a maximum of $4,488 for a three-credit course if the board approves the proposal, according to Mulvenna.

The budget for MATC is financed by state appropriations, district property taxes, tuition and fees. According to the financial report, 36% of the budget comes from local property taxes, which are subjected to a revenue limit under current state law. Because of these limitations, the board might turn to the faculty budget, according to the former president of AFT Local 212, Michael Rosen. “When people are demoralized, they don’t go the extra mile,” says Rosen. “And that hurts the students.”

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Direct Impact on Students

Dean Le Blanc, a full-time professor of supply chain management, has a direct impact on his students, according to his statement to the board of directors in November 2019.

According to Le Blanc, “Much of what we do is neither listed on a job description nor will a consulting firm take into consideration when developing a fair and equitable compensation plan.”

Full-time faculty teach a total of 15 weeks with 55-minute lectures and can earn salaries ranging from $53,408 to more than $107,233, based on the “class & step system.”

MATC also requires full-time faculty to complete academic advising, advisory committees, non-student contact events, school and/or department meetings and college committees, according to the 2019 Faculty Appendix. Part-time faculty are not required but encouraged to do the same. “Any cuts and/or modifications to future faculty compensation will have a direct impact not only on me, personally, but other faculty members who share similar stories,” says Le Blanc.

Outside of normal office hours, Le Blanc has helped students who struggle with basic reading and writing. He paused before sharing that a student confided in him that they were living out of their car. The education at MATC was the only thing keeping the student going.

Nationally, lower-income students are facing food insecurity and homelessness. According to a study by the Government Accountability Office in 2018, “75% of lower-income students experience one or more risk factors while in school.” Risk factors include students who are first generation, who receive SNAP, are single parents, disabled, homeless or at risk of becoming homeless or a former foster youth.

Rising tuition could leave students also vulnerable to for-profit colleges that create large debts. According to the financial report, course fees at MATC rose from $131.50 per credit in 2009 to $178.80 in 2018.

“Faculty play one of the largest roles in students’ success and have a direct impact on many of the key metrics we hear on a daily basis,” says Le Blanc. Dedicated instructors will still show up and make sure their students succeed without the compensation, according to an anonymous source, but as part-time faculty need to find additional work, there is less time for students outside of the classroom.

Incentives for Quality Faculty

MATC currently rewards quality instructors through the “class & step system.” For each year an instructor becomes more experienced in their craft, they earn increased salaries and raises based on a consistent scale, according to Rosen.

“The beauty of it was that it was transparent,” he says.

But the board of directors would like to replace “class & step” with an “open-range system” in which administrators would determine salaries and raises, which could lead to favoritism and gender and racial bias, according to Rosen.

AFT Local 212 President Lisa Conley suggested to the board to keep the “class & step” but modify how instructors progress through the system. “The current schedule system is transparent, predictable, time tested and easy to understand for employees, MATC and community members,” she says.

Milwaukee Public Schools (MPS) recently abolished its own “class & step system,” only to reinstate it this year after finding too many problems, according to former MATC board member Lauren Baker. Talented instructors left MPS MATC continued on page 6 >

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> MATC continued from page 4

to teach at other districts with salary schedules that insured security and stability. “It’s a penny-wise and pound-foolish strategy that sacrifices what is best in this college for a set of ideas that have been proven ineffective and wrong-headed,” she says.

Faculty Outside the Classroom

MATC uniquely requires all faculty to complete 150 recertification hours from the Faculty Quality Assurance System (FQAS) on top of their teaching. The FQAS recertified 98% of full-time faculty, counselors, part-time faculty and professional staff at MATC in April 2016, according to AFT Local 212.

Along with recertification hours, faculty also work additional hours outside the classroom for preparation time and office hours. MATC compensates faculty for 102 hours worked, but the proposal would reduce these compensated hours to 84 for new part-time faculty, making it difficult for instructors to enhance their classrooms, according to Mulvenna. “It’s just not the right thing to do,” he says. Reducing pay for preparation

time could affect the part-time faculty’s ability to build lectures, create assignment instruction guides and make sure all courses are also available online, according to an anonymous source.

“When paid more, [instructors] take the time to grade students’ work,” says Mulvenna.

For faculty juggling multiple jobs, scantron exams work well for grading, but they leave little or no room for constructive feedback for students, Mulvenna says.

MATC relies on top-performing part-time faculty to maintain “an educational environment consistent with current work environments,” according to the financial report. Police science instructors are police chiefs, and nurse instructors are head nurses at hospitals who can help students network outside of the classroom, according to Rosen.

Within six months, 95% of associate degree graduates are employed, according to MATC. But changes to part-time faculty compensation could stop attracting top-performing instructors to teach at the college. “If you’re not attracting the best and the brightest, you [don’t get] top faculty,” Rosen says.

Comment at shepherdexpress.com.

MATC at a Glance FOUNDED IN 1912, Milwaukee Area Technical College aims to “enrich, empower and transform lives” as a two-year technical college for more than 30,000 students. There are 170 programs available for students to continue to a four-year college or enter a career path. Programs include business, management and administration, health sciences, manufacturing, liberal arts and more.

Campus Locations

Downtown Milwaukee Campus (700 W. State St.) Mequon Campus (5555 W. Highland Road) Oak Creek Campus (6665 S. Howell Ave.) West Allis Campus (1200 S. 71st St.)

Education Centers

Downtown Milwaukee Campus Health Education Center (1311 N. Sixth St.) MATC Education Center at Walker’s Square (816 W. National Ave.)

6 | DECEMBER 19, 2019

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::BY DAN SHAW

F

or years, Ken Stribling and his fellow Teamsters have heard that they might have to accept reduced retirement payments to help prevent their union pension fund from becoming insolvent.

In other words, they might have to come to terms with the idea that getting something is better than getting nothing.

The proposed trade-off was always going to be a hard one to swallow. Throughout his career, Stribling watched as he and his union brothers and sisters agreed to accept low pay increases, or even no pay increases, and made various other concessions, all in return for the promise of comfort in retirement. To many, agreeing to anything less now would make all that sacrifice seem in vain. Yet Stribling—a retired member of Teamsters Local 200 in Milwaukee and a vice president in the National United Committee to Protect Pensions—thinks there is little choice. Rather than prevent compromise entirely, his goal now is to ensure that whatever changes are made don’t go too far.

Complicated Remedy?

Central States is the pension fund most commonly cited by legislators and policymakers who are arguing for intervention. That’s in part because, measured by payments, it is the largest so-called multi-employer pension fund in the country, having paid about $2.9 billion in 2015; but it’s far from the only one in trouble. Of the 10 million U.S. participants in multi-employer pension funds, a million are in plans that are projected to be insolvent in the next 20 years, according to Matrix Global.

Faced with imminent disaster, union officials have little doubt that something needs to be done. Opinion, though, varies greatly over whether the Grassley-Alexander proposal offers the right remedy. Adam Duininck—director of governmental affairs for the North Central States Regional Council of Carpenters (whose territory includes Wisconsin)—agrees that the two senators’ legislation is at least a starting point. The carpenters’ pension funds aren’t necessarily in need of immediate help; their two in Wisconsin have enough money to cover 70-80% of their liabilities.

Yet, he said, there is no question that the PBGC has not received enough money over the years. One reason for that underfunding has been reluctance on the part of policymakers to force employers to pay more into the system. Now, Duininck is concerned that a similar aversion will cause Congress to let things slide again. “If they don’t do something soon, then it’ll be election season,” he says, “and that will delay it for another year.”

In contrast to Duininck and Stribling,

The Grassley-Alexander plan would instead have retirees and active workers make co-payments into the Pension Benefit Guarantee Corporation (PBGC), a federal fund that steps in and provides benefits when a standard fund becomes insolvent. To further strengthen the PBGC, the proposal would increase the premiums that employers have to pay per employee from $29 a year to $80. There would also be a bailout: a transfer of some federal tax money. Separately, struggling pension systems like the Teamsters’ massive Central States fund would be allowed to partition off the most endangered part of their funds to better protect the parts that have the best chances of remaining solvent. It’s admittedly a complex remedy, but given the vastness of the problem, it was always unlikely that any proposed solution would be simple.

Most of the trouble for multi-employer pension funds, which are typically paid into by unionized companies to support union workers in their retirement, arose following the 2008 nationwide recession. Business bankruptcies and layoffs lowered the amount of money coming into the plans even as returns on fund investments plummeted. On Monday, Nov. 18, 2019, multi-employer funds were found to have a $65.2 billion deficit. If nothing is done now, many will go belly up within the next two decades; some are expected to do so within only a few years.

The Teamsters’ Central States pension fund, for instance, is projected to run out of

Argument for Intervention

Stephanie Bloomingdale, president of the Wisconsin AFL-CIO, can find nothing redeeming in the Grassley-Alexander plan. Adopting it, she says, would be a betrayal to all the union workers who have made sacrifices throughout the years. She explains that she would much rather see Congress move forward with the Butch Lewis Act, a competing proposal approved by the U.S. House of Representatives in July 2019. The legislation seeks to set the multi-employer pension system right without taxing retirees or requiring higher payments from sound pension funds—a promise critics deem impossible to keep.

“The hard-working American workers whose retirement income security is now at risk played no part in creating the crisis at hand,” Bloomingdale says. “Throughout the years, workers have sacrificed wage increases in favor of pension plan contributions and have held up their end of the bargain.”

Stribling acknowledges that the hardest part of selling a solution will be winning acceptance from workers who have done nothing wrong. He, himself, has always counted on having a comfortable retirement after driving a truck for 30 years for various companies in the Milwaukee area. “I just turned 68, and I cannot go back to work after being out of it for nine years,” he says. “Climbing in a truck or getting back on a forklift is just not something I’m entertaining.”

But workers who are looking for someone to blame are not likely to find a dastardly culprit lurking behind all the mess. Yes, lawmakers could have done more to ensure the PBGC had enough money, and the people managing multi-employer pension funds might have made wiser investments, but evidence of actual malfeasance has been lacking. Even amid these circumstances, Stribling knows he won’t have an easy time convincing his union brothers and sisters that something is better than nothing. “But now is our best chance to get this done,” he says. “I’ve been in this for five years, and this is the closest we’ve ever been. Do I like it? Absolutely not. But would I accept it? I might have to.”

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AN UPDATE ON THE PUSH TO SHORE UP FALTERING UNION PENSION FUNDS

money by 2025. Such a bankruptcy would be disastrous not only for the nearly 400,000 participants in the plan but also the economy at large. In Wisconsin, the immediate effect in 2025 would be the evaporation of more than $206 million of pension income, according to a report by the consulting firm Matrix Global Advisors. State and local governments, in turn, would lose more than $20 million in taxes, and Wisconsin’s GDP would take a nearly $230 million hit as a result of lessened economic activity.

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Is Getting Something Better Than Nothing?

The latest proposal put forward by federal lawmakers—from Republican Senators Charles Grassley (Iowa) Lamar Alexander (Tennessee)—is at least something to work with, Stribling says. He may not be happy with everything in it, but it’s a starting point. “This is not the time to panic,” he explains. “We have time to iron out a few things we don’t like and make a few corrections.” If nothing else, Stribling says he’s happy the GrassleyAlexander bill is not calling for drastic benefit reductions. Previous pension fund remedies had sought cuts of at least 20%.

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Republicans Are Drowning in Alternative Facts

O

::BY JOEL MCNALLY

ne of the most significant events of Donald Trump’s presidency occurred just two days after his inauguration and seemed trivial at the time. It immediately exposed the fundamental dishonesty of the new president and predicted Trump’s corrupt actions and his barrage of lies ever since leading directly to his historic impeachment this week by the U.S. House of Representatives.

The event was spokeswoman Kellyanne Conway announcing on “Meet the Press” Trump’s presidency intended to embrace “alternative facts.” Host Chuck Todd had asked her why Trump destroyed the credibility of his press secretary, Sean Spicer, by requiring him “to utter a provable falsehood” about something so petty as the size of the crowd at Trump’s inauguration.

Spicer’s declaration: “This was the largest audience ever to witness an inauguration—period!”

That was clearly refuted by aerial photographs of the crowds on the Washington mall during the inaugurations of Trump and Barack

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Obama. Because the monumentally egotistical Trump bragged everything he did was the greatest ever, Conway wasn’t free to admit the lie. “Don’t be so overly dramatic about it, Chuck,” she said. “You’re saying it’s a falsehood… Sean Spicer, our press secretary, gave alternative facts to that.”

Todd responded appropriately. “Alternative facts?! Alternative facts?! Four of the five facts [Spicer] uttered were just not true. Look, alternative facts are not facts. They’re falsehoods.”

For several weeks after that, “alternative facts” were a running joke in the media. But Trump soon said something else preposterous, and the catchphrase faded into history.

Outright Lies

Three years later, the joke’s on America.

Trump’s enormous gusher of “alternative facts,” better known as outright lies, is about to surpass 15,000 “false or misleading statements” by year’s end, according to The Washington Post’s database. That isn’t normal. It isn’t what every other politician has always done before Trump.

All politicians use exaggeration and hyperbole to put their own actions in the best possible light.

Ronald Reagan often repeated fictional urban legends he appeared to believe, but whenever he made provable factual errors, his White House press office would issue corrections.

Glenn Kessler, The Post’s lead fact-checker, wrote of Trump: “The president is a serial exaggerator without parallel in U.S. politics. He not

only consistently makes false claims but also repeats them, in some cases hundreds of time, even though they have been proved wrong.”

There’s never been a president who lies as constantly and as wildly as Trump does. Other Republican officials repeat his fabrications because the president insists upon it. Republican congressmen and senators aren’t allowed to say Trump extorting Ukraine’s president to investigate one of the president’s political opponents in exchange for $400 million in U.S. military aid was wrong. They have to agree with Trump’s absurd claim his call to President Volodymyr Zelensky was “perfect.” Rightwing Republicans are even helping Trump spread fraudulent Russian propaganda created

by Vladimir Putin claiming it could have been Ukraine, instead of Russia, that interfered in the 2016 U.S. presidential election.

Looking Ridiculous

Republicans look ridiculous echoing Trump’s “alternative facts.” Under questioning from an opposing Democratic lawyer, Steve Castor, the lawyer Republicans hired to make the party’s case against impeachment, claimed he had no idea whether Joe Biden was a leading Democratic candidate running against Trump or whether Ukraine announcing a criminal investigation into Biden would damage him politically.

Castor even denied the White House transcript quoting Trump telling Ukrainian President Zelensky to “look into” Biden meant Trump wanted Zelensky to look into Biden. Castor said those words were “ambiguous.”

Wisconsin’s retiring Republican Congressman F. James Sensenbrenner used his televised moment on the House Judiciary Committee to

engage in some Trumpian political name-calling of his own. Sensenbrenner said that, as a teenager getting involved in politics, he met Wisconsin Republican Sen. Joseph McCarthy. Sensenbrenner accused Democrats of McCarthyism for examining telephone records between a Republican congressional leader and figures directly involved in Trump’s actions against Ukraine, including Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, and an indicted Giuliani associate. “Folks, you have made Joe McCarthy look like a piker with what you’ve done with the electronic surveillance,” Sensenbrenner said.

McCarthy was a disgraceful politician, but he never committed any electronic surveillance.

Many historians, including Jon Meacham, compare the shameful 1950s McCarthy Era to Trump’s world of “alternative facts.” McCarthy made wild, unfounded charges about large numbers of communist agents in President Dwight Eisenhower’s State Department. A real national witch hunt was unleashed questioning the patriotism of Americans engaged in progressive causes, including the civil rights and the anti-war movements. It led to the firing and blacklisting of thousands of government employees, actors, directors, screenwriters and other popular entertainers and teachers from kindergarten through college.

McCarthy’s chief counsel was Roy Cohn, an unethical, ultimately disbarred New York attorney who also served as a mentor for young Donald Trump’s business career. Cohn is credited with developing Trump’s ruthless tactics of brutally smearing anyone who opposes anything he wants to do with “alternative facts.”

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::ISSUEOFTHEWEEK

Wisconsin Needs to Expand Expungement of Old Criminal Records ::BY EVAN GOYKE

A

FEW YEARS AGO, I met a woman in Milwaukee who needed help with an old criminal record. I’ve withheld her name for her privacy, but her story is very real and shared by thousands throughout Wisconsin.

As a young woman, she had committed a financial crime. She pled guilty to the felony, accepted responsibility and was sentenced to community supervision and to pay restitution.

She successfully did all that was asked of her.

Time passed, but the conviction remained. I got the call because, nearly two decades later, her conviction was preventing her from accepting a promotion at work. She works for a major Milwaukee employer and has for several years. She was offered a managerial position but was not able to take it due to her conviction. She called me for help.

Since 1976, Wisconsin has allowed certain individuals to receive expungement (or expunction), which seals their criminal record from public view. Expungement includes

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removing the record from the Consolidated Court Automation Programs (CCAP). After reviewing this woman’s situation, it was clear that, like most people, she needs a change in the law because of major limits in Wisconsin’s expungement law.

Currently, only individuals 25 and younger at the time of the offense and only convictions for misdemeanors and the two lowest-level felonies are eligible for expungement; no violent offenses are eligible. The court process is also flawed, because judges must make the decision “at the time of sentencing,” meaning before the individual has even completed their sentence. If an individual leaves the sentencing hearing without the judge saying the magic words, the individual is never eligible for expungement—regardless of what they may accomplish in their rehabilitation or how much time has passed.

‘A Fresh Start’ The result of these limitations is an expungement law that has a limited impact. Last year,

the Wisconsin Policy Forum published a report titled “A Fresh Start” showing how the limitations of current law impact Milwaukee. The report also suggested changes that would improve Wisconsin’s expungement law.

Building on the report and efforts in the 2017-’18 legislative session, a renewed effort to reform Wisconsin’s expungement law is pending in Madison. The bill—Assembly Bill 33/Senate Bill 39—authored by Republicans David Steffen (Green Bay) and Alberta Darling (River Hills), as well as Democrats Evan Goyke (Milwaukee) and Fred Risser (Madison) along with 73 other publicly supportive legislators from both parties—would retroactively change several of the limitations of current law.

Outside of elected legislators, a broad and politically diverse number of groups support the legislation. Twenty-nine organizations have officially registered their position on the bill, and zero oppose. Right-leaning groups like the Americans for Prosperity and the Badger Institute support the bill. Left-leaning groups like the American Civil Liberties Union also support the bill. The business community, seeing a major need for employees, supports the bill, including the Metropolitan Milwaukee Association of Commerce and the Waukesha County Business Alliance. Lastly, the bill was drafted in consultation with judges, prosecutors and defense attorneys and is a balance of the different interests each brings to the criminal justice system.

Under the bill, individuals, regardless of age, would be eligible for expungement if they successfully complete their sentence. Instead of requiring the decision to be made “at the time of sentencing,” individuals would petition the court after completing their sentence, allowing the judge to decide on expungement based on the individual’s rehabilitation rather than guessing about how the individual may be rehabilitated. Also, provisions ensure that victims of crime continue to have a voice in the expungement process, and judges maintain their current discretion and standard in deciding expungement but will be able to do so with much better information.

The bill now only needs a vote in the state Senate; the Assembly passed the bill in May. With broad bipartisan support, this is the type of bill that should be prioritized and passed.

Wisconsin has divided government but is united on this needed change to our criminal justice system.

If the bill were to become law, the woman I met—and so many just like her—would be able to go back to court. She would show the judge how she’s changed, how she paid her debt to society and how she’s waiting to reach her true potential if given the chance to be free of her conviction. Let’s hope the Legislature gives her that chance.

Evan Goyke is a member of the Wisconsin Assembly representing the 18th District.

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::SAVINGOURDEMOCRACY ( DEC. 19 - DEC. 25, 2019 ) Shepherd Express serves as a clearinghouse for all activities in the greater Milwaukee area that peacefully push back against discriminatory, reactionary, racist, homophobic and authoritarian actions and policies of the Donald Trump administration, as well as those of others who likewise seek to thwart social justice. To submit to this column, please send a brief description of your action, including date and time, to savingourdemocracy@shepex.com.

Thursday, Dec. 19 Democratic Debate Watch Party @ Grassroots Northshore, 6330 N. Lake Drive, and at the Cactus Club, 2496 S. Wentworth Ave. The Democratic field continues to narrow. Attend a watch party and compare notes. Wisconsin’s Democratic presidential primary will be here before you know it.

WAKE @ Bounce Milwaukee, 2801 S. Fifth Court, 5:30 p.m.

WAKE is an initiative for young people seeking to get more intentionally involved in the environmental movement. Join the conversation about clean energy and clean water with some special guests.

Saturday, Dec. 21 Peace Action of Wisconsin: Stand for Peace @ the corner of North Port Washington Road and East Silver Spring Drive, noon-1 p.m.

Every Saturday from noon-1 p.m., concerned citizens join with Peace Action of Wisconsin to protest war and, quite literally, “Stand for Peace.” Signs will be provided for those who need them. Protesters are encouraged to stick around for conversation and coffee after the protest.

NAACP Monthly Meeting @ NAACP Milwaukee Branch, 2745 N. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Drive, Suite 20, 11 a.m.

Monthly community meetings of the local NAACP take place every third Saturday of the month. Attend and stay informed about what’s going on in our community.

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like the paper, but on radio! like the paper, but on radio

Tune in to Riverwest Radio (104.1 FM) at 9:30 a.m. on the last Friday of each month to get the inside scoop on what’s coming to the paper.

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::OUTOFMYMIND

Reawakening One’s Soul

“W

::BY PHILIP CHARD

hen I was a child, the world filled me with joy,” Nick explained. He spoke of spending long hours exploring and playing in the woods, fields and pond adjacent to his boyhood home, of how he found fascination with everything in his midst.

Like all children, he possessed “beginner’s eyes,” the kind that perceive the world with fascination and curiosity.

“It was my spiritual bedrock,” he told me. “It bonded me with life and with myself.”

“And now?” I asked.

“Now, I look at the world with jaundiced eyes. I’ve become an angry cynic. I don’t like who I am now, but it feels permanent,” he confessed.

His remarks reminded me of a lyric from the Indigo Girls: “We’re sculpted from youth; the chipping away makes me weary.” The kind of chipping away Nick experienced was not uncommon. He endured his share of losses, setbacks, tragic deaths and illnesses. These unwelcome events didn’t defeat him, as he proved a resilient fellow who, like many, soldiers on. However, gradually but relentlessly, these dour happenings took away his beginner’s eyes.

“I have a dim view of humanity. Sure, there are some great people, and I’m lucky to have a few in my life, but, as a whole, humans suck,” he told me.

Nick recited the usual litany of our collective sins. Environmental destruction, genocide, sexism, mass shootings, animal cruelty, greed, hatred, child abuse—and he was just getting warmed up. He reminded me of what Stephen Hawking said when asked about the possibility of Earth being visited by an advanced alien civilization: “Let’s hope they’re not like us.”

“I could handle the whole mess except for one thing,” he said, tearing up. “I can’t see the beauty anymore.”

Loss of Awe and Wonder

Traditional mental health thinking would classify Nick as “depressed,” but that’s simplistic. Depression is one of those diagnostic labels that provides a garbage can for much of what ails our minds and spirits. His weariness arose from a loss of wonder and awe, an incapacity to be lifted up by the goodness in our world, particularly the natural realm. The very foundation of his spiritual life felt absent, bleached of color and curiosity by the relentless erosion of time and events.

When we lose something vital in our spirit, something that transcends the mental and emotional, an existential crisis stares us in the face. It’s one thing, and not a good one, to lose a sense of meaning and purpose in one’s life. But it’s another altogether to lose connection with one’s soul. For folks like Nick, this is not a religious concept, but a spiritual one. Once so afflicted, one becomes profoundly lost.

“You need to be found,” I told him. “What you have lost can find you, but that requires going back.”

Sometimes, when we lose this essence, we benefit by ignoring the conventional wisdom of “never look back.” Granted, it’s not possible for someone like Nick to reinhabit his mindset when a young child. However, we can become childlike again.

Because of his deep affinity for nature, I advised Nick to go wander and, in particular, sit in wild places, and to do so often and with mindfulness. In fact, he began and concluded each foray into nature with a breathing meditation, a way of anchoring his awareness in the present. While on these excursions, his mantra became, “Lose your mind and come to your senses,” a bit of wisdom attributed to eccentric psychoanalyst Fritz Perls.

Before long, nature began finding him once again. It drew his consciousness into the awe and wonder inherent in the natural world. By virtue of the timeless chirping of crickets, of the morphing clouds coasting overhead, the jeweled stones bespeckling a sandy beach and so much more, Nick became found. The curiosity and delight from his youth slowly but palpably permeated his consciousness.

His soul reawakened to his version of amazing grace.

For more, visit philipchard.com.

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

NEWS&VIEWS::POLL

Greek Freak by a Landslide Last week, we asked our readers who they think is the better NBA player—LeBron James or Giannis Antetokounmpo. You said: 83% Antetokounmpo 17% James

What Do You Say? Should the Wisconsin Legislature pass a law preventing hospitals in the state from turning away ambulances from their emergency rooms and urgent care clinics?

Yes No Vote online at shepherdexpress.com. We’ll publish the results of this poll in next week’s issue.

LOVE MILWAUKEE? Choose your hometown airport! Help us add: › Dozens of new flights › Hundreds of new jobs › $233 million to our local economy mitchellairport.com/choosemke

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D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9 | 13

::CANNABISCONNECTION THE GO-TO SITE FOR EVERYTHING CANNABIS IN WISCONSIN

We will keep you informed each week about the growing availability of legal cannabis products in Milwaukee and what’s happening at the state level with respect to Wisconsin’s movement towards legalization, what’s happening in other states and in the rest of the world.

Hemp Research Underway Through UW-Madison Division of Extension ::BY SHEILA JULSON

U

W-Madison agricultural experts in the College of Agricultural and Life Sciences (CALS) and the Division of Extension have launched hemp projects this past spring as part of a $35,000 grant offered last year for industrial hemp work between CALS and the Division of Extension.

Liz Y. Binversie, agriculture educator at UW-Extension, explains that there are three pillars in the grant proposal: research, extension and teaching. Binversie is part of a collaborative, statewide team that’s been working on hemp networking programs and meetings that draw people from all over the state.

The former UW Cooperative Extension, which covered agriculture, food preservation, gardening, 4H Youth Clubs and other topics, has recently undergone a restructure and is now the UW-Division of Extension. Binversie has been helping on a statewide level with the hemp website, the hemp page and statewide resources. She gets calls from all over the state about the hemp program.

“We have a whole team of state specialists, researchers and county educators doing the research arm of that grant. Most of the funding is going into the research piece because we don’t have hemp research; it’s been illegal to grow for the past 60-plus years,” Binversie explains. The extension proposal of the grant includes state specialists offering information to anyone interested in the state’s hemp industry. On Thursday, Dec. 5, an end-of-season meeting in DePere, Wis., had 400 people registered.

“These meetings have been very well attended, and people have been interested in hemp,“ Binversie says. “I’m very upfront—I don’t have the research or a lot of data to share yet at the Extension, but what we can share are experiences from other growers. Something I’ve heard from growers is that they had learned the most from talking with other growers.”

Binversie says it was illegal through state law for the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection (DATCP) to share contact information for hemp licensees, making it difficult for growers, processors and buyers to connect. “There’s no centralized way to share that contact information, so at Extension, we’ve added networking pages on the website where people can fill out contact information. It’s posted as a public listing, so people can find each other.”

Gov. Tony Evers signed a on bill in November that makes Wisconsin’s hemp pilot program permanent, and Binversie notes that bill includes include a voluntary option for growers and processors to allow their contact information to be disclosed publicly.

The Extension receives and shares information from DATCP about regulatory updates for the 2020 program. An interesting thing Binversie has learned from DATCP is that most growers applying for the hemp program are people that have never grown a crop in their lives. “These aren’t your traditional farmers who have farming experience. I’ve gotten calls from real estate folks and investors. The business world now trying their hand in farming.”

Some challenges Binversie has heard from growers include tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) levels testing, as well as threats from nature that stymie farmers regardless of the type of crop—weather, weeds, insects and mold. “Finding markets has been an incredible challenge. People are growing the crop and then don’t have a market for it, so they’ve put a huge investment of time and money into their crop and then don’t have anything financially to speak of for that effort,” she adds. “You can’t go to a co-op (to sell hemp) like you can with corn or soybeans.” Farmers in Wisconsin’s fledgling hemp industry are also competing with states like Colorado that has well-established, trusted hemp suppliers.

The Extension collaborates with organizations such as Michael Fields Agricultural Institute, DATCP and businesses such as Legacy Hemp to host meetings and produce educational videos about hemp topics. For more information about upcoming Extension events and to see informational videos, visit fyi.extension.wisc.edu and youtube.com/wisconsinhemp.

Watch future Cannabis Connection columns to learn what the UW-Madison hemp research project state specialists are working on.

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Relax! Willie Nelson Hasn’t Give Up Marijuana ::BY JEAN-GABRIEL FERNANDEZ

“W

illie Nelson stopped smoking marijuana” was a recent top news story for anyone interested in the industry, even making its way to mainstream news sources. After all, the beloved country musician is a lifelong activist for the legalization of marijuana, one of the world’s best-known potheads and owner of a legal marijuana brand, Willie’s Reserve. He is also, allegedly, the only man alive to out-smoke Snoop Dogg. That is to say, it was a shock when the Red Headed Stranger publicly announced that he stopped smoking.

“I have abused my lungs quite a bit in the past, so breathing is a little more difficult these days, and I have to be careful,” Nelson said in an interview with KSAT. “I started smoking cedar bark, went from that to cigarettes to whatever, and that almost killed me.”

He added, “I don’t smoke anymore—take better care of myself today.” Of course, the headlines came out immediately, claiming Willie Nelson was done with pot.

However, the marijuana icon is still getting high, as his son confirmed in a Wednesday, Dec. 4, tweet: “There are a lot of articles going around saying my father is no longer smoking weed. It’s almost 2020; how people ingest cannabis has changed. Between vaping, edibles, gummies, drops, etc., I think it’s safe to say Willie will never stop enjoying Mary Jane!”

The sentiment was echoed through the Associated Press. Willie’s Reserve also took to social media, proudly claiming that Nelson will “never stop” enjoying marijuana: “No pigs in the sky, Willie’s still getting high! At 86, Willie Nelson demonstrates there’s more than one way to get high.”

choactive chemical that causes the high people associate with weed. At natural, the cannabis plant contains tetrahydrocannabinolic acid (THCA), a precursor of THC, which is not psychoactive. If a person eats raw cannabis flower, they will not get high; they will simply give themselves a stomach ache and potentially vomit. Burning cannabis material is simply the easiest and fastest way to turn the THCA contained within into the sought-after THC, which is why most people smoke it.

In its official “fact” sheet about marijuana, the National Institute on Drug Abuse barely mentions other methods of ingesting it, while quoting damages to the lungs as an effect of marijuana, which entirely ignores the fact that inhaling smoke is what causes these nefarious consequences, not the marijuana itself. When consumed through edibles, marijuana does not even pass through the lungs.

The “edibles, gummies, drops, etc.” that Nelson turned to in order to limit harmful smoking habits exist because the decarboxylation process can occur while cooking cannabis, too. THC binds itself particularly well to fat, so it is exceedingly simple to cook it— even at home with just a pan on a stovetop; merely heating up cannabis while it is coated in oil, for instance, creates basic yet potent “cannaoil,” a liquid that can be added to food items to instantly turn them into edibles. Although professional edible-making companies have much more complex and efficient methods, all such processes create cannabis that is easily ingested and achieves the desired high with no smoke or damage to the lungs.

So, to all of us who worry about our health while wanting to mellow out some, let’s follow Willie Nelson’s example!

Comment at shepherdexpress.com.n

Getting High Without Smoke

It’s no secret that people typically conflate consuming marijuana with smoking it. This is due to a chemical reaction called decarboxylation, which occurs when intense heat is applied to the cannabis plant. Raw cannabis does not actually contain tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), the psySHEPHERD EXPRESS

M I N DF U L NE S S I N E VE RY D AY L I F E 11 Tuesdays, 6:30-8:30 pm or Thursdays, 6:30-8:30 pm

Jan 21/23 Beginning Mindfulness Practice Jan 28/30 Sitting and Walking Meditation Feb 4/6 Mindfulness of Body Feb 11/13 Mindfulness of Feelings Feb 18/20 Mindfulness of Thought Feb 25/27 Mindfulness of the World Mar 3/5 Four Noble Truths Mar 10/12 Lovingkindness Mar 17/19 Compassion Mar 24/26 Sympathetic Joy Mar 31/Apr 2 Equanimity / Graduation

Winter 2020

The Intravaganza is led by Paul Norton, M.D., Order of Interbeing

Milwaukee Mindfulness Practice Center 1922 East Park Place, Milwaukee, WI 53211

SHANK

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All shows start at 8 pm unless otherwise indicated Tickets available at Shank Hall Box Office, 866-468-3401, or at ticketweb.com

Fri 12/20

225 for entire course $ 30 for any individual week $

Sat 12/21

Pat McCurdy $6

OR

($375 for couples)

Includes reading materials and 2 CDs of guided meditation All proceeds go the Mindfulness Community of Milwaukee

To register: Mail to Mindfulness Center 1922 East Park Place, Milwaukee, WI 53211 or E-Mail milwmindful@gmail.com or Call 414-962-8678 or online at www.milwaukeemindfulness.com

Happier Holidays!

Koch Marshall Trio $15

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The Cash Box Kings $15

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Sat 1/4

Albert Lee

Miles Nielsen & The Rusted Hearts

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1/10 Pundamonium 1/11 Steve Forbert 1/14 Keys for a Cause: A Rick Wakeman Tribute 1/17 Lil’ Ed and the Blues Imperials 1/18 Animation, In The Flesh 1/24 PHUN 1/25 Bruce McCulloch 1/30 Wesley Stace: A Tribute to John Wesley Harding

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THE SHEPHERD EXPRESS MEDIA COMPANY, WHICH INCLUDES THE NEWSPAPER, WEBSITE, EVENTS DEPARTMENT AND OUR E-NEWSLETTERS, AND ALSO RANKED BY THE BUSINESS JOURNAL AS ONE OF MILWAUKEE’S TOP WORKPLACES, IS SEEKING TALENTED CANDIDATES:

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TO APPLY FOR THIS POSITION, SUBMIT YOUR COVER LETTER AND RESUME TO: KGARDNER@SHEPEX.COM. NO CALLS, PLEASE.

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Holiday Gift Pages Browse pages 16 - 18 for holiday gifts that will make the season bright!

To advertise on these pages next year, please contact your Account Executive or contact Jackie at 414.292.3814 or jackie@shepex.com.

Help support the Humane Society and buy children’s book Flash,

by Mary Lynn Kluss -SOLD ON AMAZON-

AMERICAN SCIENCE & SURPLUS Don’t stick just anything in their stockings…shop with geeks, treasure hunters, artists and mad scientists for the most incredible stuff in Milwaukee! From robotic lizards and wooden catapult kits to beaker mugs and ludicrously-bright flashlights, American Science & Surplus has thousands of unique items to educate, entertain and most certainly give you a reason to giggle.

BARK N SCRATCH OUTPOST

Drinks On Us! Have you ordered your Cocktail Trail craft cocktail coupon book?

Featuring discounts at 24 Milwaukee bars and restaurants, Cocktail Trail offers coupons for free or buy-one-get one drinks at participating establishments until May 2020.

Order online at shepstore.com Also available in store at MKE Home, Sparrow Collective and Beard MKE

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Large variety of high quality, local, raw and national brand pet foods. Free, same-day delivery for online orders over $49. Earn free food: we track Frequent Buyer Programs for you. Our friendly, knowledgeable awardwinning staff is available 7 days a week. Best Of Milwaukee Winner Shepherd Express 2018, Channel 12 A-list Winner 2017, Milwaukee Magazine Readers Choice 2019. At Bark n Scratch Outpost we think outside the bag. milwaukeepetfood.com

BBC LIGHTING What does BBC stand for? Not British Broadcasting Corporation! BBC Lighting started off as the Badger Bulb Company in 1985. Boasting Wisconsin’s largest light-

ing showroom, you’re sure to find the right piece that fits your style. Wander the aisles and you’ll discover fun, quirky items that are unique to BBC, from vintage neon signs to antique copper diving helmets! The friendly sales staff are readily available for answers to all your lighting questions. A merry-go-round and free popcorn make this a family destination.

BILTRITE FURNITURELEATHER-MATTRESSES A 4th generation local, family business that has proudly served the Milwaukee area since 1928 that takes pride in their quality, pricing and personal service. Their specialties include affordable, better quality furniture and mattresses, mostly USA- and Amishmade, and small-scale furniture. They have a huge in-stock selection as well as affordable custom options with your choice of fabric, leather, wood, finish and hardware.

BOELTER SUPERSTORE Milwaukee’s top food service professionals and culinary enthusiasts shop side-by-side at our award-winning retail store. Explore the latest in restaurant-quality equipment and supplies. Find inspiration for a new food

service venture or create your dream home kitchen. Craft a new culinary creation. Inquire about our cooking classes! Let’s pursue your passion.

BREW CITY BRANDS Established in 1986, Brew City Brand is a family-owned, Milwaukee-based company that designs and prints incredibly local products; it celebrates everything that makes Milwaukee iconic. You’ll find the perfect gift for that special someone (or for yourself!) to show off that unique Milwaukee pride—think t-shirts, glassware, can coozies, sweatshirts, socks, and more. Brew City has three retail locations—the Milwaukee Public Market, General Mitchell Field Airport and Southridge Mall or online at www.brewcityonline.com.

C3 DESIGNS A fabulous jewelry store located in South Milwaukee where you can find that one of a kind bauble your heart desires. Store owner, Chris Jensen, has won numerous local and national design awards for his unique jewelry creations. His expert staff will put you at ease as they assist you in creating a special jewelry piece that you can treasure for a lifetime.

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KILWINS Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. Just about everyone loves chocolate, especially at the holidays, and Kilwins selection is made from the finest ingredients on earth. You’ll melt their hearts as it melts in their mouths. Don’t forget their luscious caramels, creamy ice cream or fudge. You can even take a class!

KNUCKLEHEADS Stop in at Knuckleheads and check out their new CBD Wellness Center. Visit on a Sunday and enjoy discounted CBD products!

Discover why Knuckleheads was voted “Best of Milwaukee” Best Head Shop and Best Vape Shop in 2018.

LION KING/MARCUS CENTER FOR THE PERFORMING ARTS Coming to Milwaukee in 2020—the stage adaptation of the Academy Award-winning SHEPHERD EXPRESS

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Come celebrate the holiday season with fun-filled Saturdays at the H-D Museum on Dec 7, Dec 14 & Dec 21. Take a tour through the museum with your Family Fun Guide or book a Highlights Tour and journey through the history of Harley-Davidson. They’ll have entertainment throughout the campus, Breakfast with Santa and holiday shopping. Bonus: enter to win a $500 Holiday Shopping Spree at the H-D Museum Shop!

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HAPPY HARLEY DAYS AT THE H-D MUSEUM

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Need a unique gift for the youngsters in your life? Do you love animals and supporting local artists? Look no further than children’s book Flash: A Lost But Found Story—a heartwarming tale about farm life, animal welfare and more, beautifully written and illustrated by Wisconsin’s own Mary Lynn Kluss. Find and review this book on Amazon; a portion of proceeds will benefit the Humane Society.

S T R E E T- M A D

SPARROW COLLECTIVE A brick-and-mortar boutique and gift shop featuring contemporary clothing and artisan goods. Their local gallery sells handcrafted items such as printed tees, jewelry, accessories, bath and home goods, candles, gifts and so much more. Featuring monthly metalsmithing, jewelry, calligraphy and fiber classes in their Milwaukee shop.

SWAYE` TEA Relax-Love-Heal…Swaye` was created for the basic need to improve one’s health and they pride themselves on creating tea blends with maximum health benefits, no artificial flavors, and USDA Organic certified. Their goal is to educate customers new and old alike on how to live pharm-free. Make a stop at their charming West Allis store and discover the healing power of tea.

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Combining clever wordplay and beautifully simple design on their products, Milwaukee Beer Gear provides high-end beer paraphernalia for beer enthusiasts and amateurs alike. Folks of all ages—from brew city babies to seasoned cream city connoisseurs—are sure to enjoy this collection of apparel, drinkware and trinkets crafted by a local couple. www.milwaukeebeergear.com

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MILWAUKEE BEER GEAR

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A CHILDREN’S BOOK – FLASH: A LOST BUT FOUND STORY

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Fischberger’s Variety, a one-of-a-kind gift shop masquerading as an old-time variety store, aims to have the finest and freshest build-your-own $20 gifts for all ages. You’ll find unique, thoughtful gifts including a large selection of books, quality toys, home goods, yarn and fun—cool stuff guaranteed!

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FISCHBERGER’S VARIETY

CBD • VAPE TOBACCO • HEAD SHOP

CBD • E-CIGARETTES • GLASS BLOWN PIPES AND TUBES • CIGARS • TOBACCO • HOOKAHS • VAPORIZERS

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Wisconsin’s first fair trade hemp grower and processer, this Veteran owned business sources its hemp locally from a farm that has been owned and continuously farmed by the same family since 1902, with a bootlegging history linked to Al Capone! With 250 tillable acres, the hemp is grown with as much care as any crop that has been grown on the land—with respect to heritage. All product is third party tested at UW Parkside.

Buy flowers or whole plant direct—by the ounce or the pound!

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BEST HEAD SHOP & BEST VAPE SHOP

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1994 Disney film. The Lion King is the story of a young lion prince living in the flourishing African Pride Lands when tragedy strikes. He flees, leaving the life he knew behind. When the weight of responsibility comes to find the adult prince, he must take on a formidable enemy, and fulfill his destiny to be king. The Lion King is a story of love and redemption that nobody should miss.

February 5-March 1, 2020.

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Make your list, check it twice, then get all your holiday shopping done in the locally owned shops of the Historic Third Ward.

You’ll find the perfect gifts for all the special people on your list.

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TRALEE IRISH IMPORTS Located just West of Wauwatosa on Vliet Street, Tralee brings you every food item from the Emerald Isle and the United Kingdom that you will ever want. From candy and potato chips to sausage and breads, Tralee offers the widest selection of Irish foods in Wisconsin. In addition to the food, Tralee also offers a selection of gifts. Need a cup of tea? Tralee has handmade pottery and the teabags to go with. Stop in today for the leprechaun on your list or just treat yourself to the many selections of candy! traleeirishimports.com

YOUR CBD STORE-GREENFIELD This store carries the highest quality, award-winning CBD products—organically grown and third party tested. How many other CBD stores can say that? Come and visit our “boutique-style” store, enjoy free samples and expert advice. We can cater a plan to your needs, or you can choose from our wide variety of products. Gift certificates are available. Give the gift of CBD from the store that you trust, “Your CBD Store Greenfield.”

D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9 | 17

Be Our Guest

Christmas Family Feast

Do you like us?

Use our interactive, up-to-date guide to find stores offering CBD oil products and other cannabisrelated products

Find us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for daily updates of what’s happening in the city

Free and open to the public shepherdexpress.com/cbdshop 18 | D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9

@shepherdexpress SHEPHERD EXPRESS

::DININGOUT FEATURE | SHORT ORDER | EAT/DRINK

Wood Fired Pizza from Grimaldi’s Pizzeria

For more Dining, log onto shepherdexpress.com

Spicy Ahi Tuna Bowl from FreshFin Poké

Dining Choices at The Corners of Brookfield Include Pizza and Poké

white photos of New York City, Grimaldi’s offers plenty of reminders of Gotham. The menu even boasts: “In order to ensure your pizza tastes authentic to New York, we installed a specialized filtration system that replicate New York water.”

Our attentive server quickly placed our order, starting with the Caprese salad. A platter of slices of fresh Mozzarella, tomatoes and fresh basil was drizzled with extra virgin olive oil. The mild cheese was balanced by the robust basil. It was more than enough for two people.

For the main event, we selected the Garden Pesto Pizza and the Brooklyn Bridge Pizza. The Garden Pesto was topped with artichokes, crunchy red onions and ricotta cheese drizzled with a basil pesto sauce. The traditional Brooklyn Bridge Pizza was topped with oven-roasted red peppers, creamy ricotta cheese and hand-pinched Italian sausage. The red peppers provided a ::BY BLAINE SCHULTZ bit of crunch, and the sausage was tasty without being overly spicy. Both pies’ ooming past The Corners of Brookfield on I-94, a driver might crusts were perfect, thanks, no doubt, to the coal brick baking. The formidable wine list leans toward reds; we selected the Argentinian Zolo Reserva Malbec notice little more than the blur of anchor store Von Maur. But and Liberty School Cabernet Sauvignon and were not disappointed. within the shops of Market Square and the luxury apartments For starters, Grimaldi’s also offers a Winter Harvest salad, antipasto, brusabove are a handful of restaurants waiting to be explored. chetta and other salads. Gluten-free pizzas are available, as well as specialty Grimaldi’s Pizzeria offers thin crust pies cooked in intense heat pies like Margherita, Prosciutto Arugula and Quattro Formaggi, along with a in ovens that are on display at the entrance. The coal-brick ovens long list of build-your-own choices. Cannoli, cheesecake and tiramisu await are stoked twice daily, knocking down any old coal and ash inside the those lucky enough to save room for dessert. ovens then rebuilding the fire each time. During this stoking process, pizOther eateries at The Corners include familiar names like Belair, Café Holzas aren’t available. During the Stoking Social Hour (3:30-6 p.m.), lander and Cubanitas (opening in spring 2020). Le Macaron Grimaldi’s offers menu options including French pastries, Goddess and the Baker and Orange Leaf starters, salads, draft beers and wines to enjoy while the oven heats back up to baking temCorners of Brookfield frozen yogurt can provide shoppers a bite during a break from the retail wars. perature. Pizza service resumes at 5 p.m.

20111 W. Bluemound Ave. On another recent evening, we stopped at FreshFin Poké.

Arriving at the tail end of the rush, we were Handicap accessible: Yes Diners can build their own bowl starting with a rice or greens pleasantly surprised when the hostess alerted Grimaldi’s Pizzeria base, topped by a protein (Ahi Tuna, Salmon, Shrimp, Chicken us our table was ready just 10 minutes into the 20119 N. Lord St. # J-101, or Vegan), then topped with everything from kimchi to mango estimated 40-minute wait. While the large, bustling dining room and variety of sauces. The Spicy Ahi Tuna was a blend of edaBrookfield was still humming with activity, we were seated at a corner table, mame, jalapeño, cucumber, sriracha aioli, sweet shoyu, crispy out of the way but with a full view of the restaurant.

262-785-1115 • $$ onion and tobiko atop brown rice. It was perfect combination Grimaldi’s is a family business that began with the opening FreshFin Poké of crunchy, savory and heat. A convenient condiment bar ofof their first pizzeria under the Brooklyn Bridge in the borough’s 240 N. Lord St., Brookfield fers sriracha and other extras. Our bowls were tasty, healthy Dumbo neighborhood in 1990. Decorated with light fixtures 262-505-6510 • $$ and filling. Vegan and gluten-free options are available. made of wine bottles, red tablecloths and historical black and

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

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DININGOUT::EATDRINK

PRESS Creator Holds Her Own in David and Goliath Beverage Market ::BY SHEILA JULSON

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s the old proverb goes, “Necessity is the mother of invention,” and so it was for Amy Walberg, founder of PRESS premium low-alcohol seltzer. “I had trouble finding a premium product that really spoke to flavor profiles and delivered an elevated experience,” she says. “I wanted something low in calories, low carb and low sugar, but that first and foremost tasted good.”

Being a single mom with two small children, Walberg notes she often has to “jump back into mom mode at any minute,” so she also wanted something lower in alcohol by volume (ABV); PRESS has just 4% ABV per 12-ounce serving.

She started working on the product in 2015,

turning her Fox Point kitchen into a mixology lab. She muddled different flavors and experimented with a SodaStream, a gadget that turns tap water into fresh sparkling water. “I used to travel abroad quite a bit, and I experimented with flavors influenced by those travels.” As a foodie, she also wanted a beverage that didn’t dictate meal pairings and could be enjoyed with a variety of entrées.

Her first flavor was Pomegranate Ginger, one of the four flagship flavors. The others are Blackberry Hibiscus, Lime Lemongrass and Grapefruit Cardamom. Rotating seasonal varieties include Pear Chamomile, which was released in spring, and Apple Cinnamon for the fall and winter seasons. An additional winter flavor, which couldn’t yet be divulged at press time, will be announced later this month.

The name PRESS is derived from a beverage Walberg drank during her college years— the vodka press, which balances alcohol with seltzer and a hint of sweetness. All four flagship varieties pack very pronounced, refresh-

Amy Walberg COURTESY OF PRESS

ing pops of flavor into just 110 calories. “I taste every batch going out and make sure the flavors are spot on. When you’re dealing with only 110 calories, there’s not a lot of room to hide,” she says.

Enjoying a Spiked Seltzer Boom

Walberg just happened to catch an alcohol seltzer wave. This fairly new beverage category picked up as the hard soda craze began to fizzle.

Walberg notes there’s still some misconceptions about low-alcohol hard seltzer, such as people equating it to sweeter hard sodas or confusing PRESS with other low-alcohol seltzers made by large beverage companies that have lines of beer or beverages in other categories.

The low-alcohol seltzer category is exploding because it is so fluid, Walberg observes, and it at-

tracts people who also enjoy beer, wine and spirits, as well as people who generally don’t drink because they don’t like the taste of alcohol. “People are also drinking differently now. Before, people would save up for a Friday night after a long work week, but now, people are drinking in a different way—drinking at soccer games or while making dinner, or on the patio with the kids when friends are over,” she says. PRESS can be enjoyed alone or used in cocktail recipes.

Despite being a small, woman-owned company, or the “David” in what Walberg refers to as the “David and Goliath” beverage market, PRESS has enjoyed much word-of-mouth success. It’s now available in 41 states and has received accolades in food and beverage publications like Chowhound and Martha Stewart Living. It’s available in 12-count variety packs, six-count single flavor packs and 16-ounce individual cans at area retailers including Outpost Natural Foods, Glorioso’s, Ray’s Discount Liquor, Meijer’s and Woodman’s.

For more information, visit enjoypress.com.

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::A&E

Brought to you by The Milwaukee Art Museum

Remembering the Days of Milwaukee R&B ::BY RICHARD G. CARTER

rior to the onset of rap music, black Milwaukee was awash in our original rhythm and blues, which peaked from 19531963. Indeed, this truly American art form flourished throughout inner-city neighborhoods and was loved by teens and adults.Vocalizing youths copied the styles of black doo-wop groups such as The Spaniels, Clovers, Five Keys, Orioles, Drifters, Moonglows, Counts, El Dorados and Danderliers.

Lead singers emulated James (Pookie) Hudson, Buddy Bailey, Rudy West, Sonny Til, Clyde McPhatter, Bobby Lester, Chester Brown, Pirkle Lee Moses Jr. and Dallas Taylor.

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Deep voices parroted booming bass-lines by The Spaniels’ Gerald Gregory, as well as Prentiss Barnes, Jimmie Ricks and Bill Pinkney. The latter wowed America in 1954 with his signature bass lead on Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas”—still a holiday staple.

We flocked to see these fine performers when they came to town heralded on colorful posters plastered on telephone poles, light poles and in windows of black barbershops, beauty shops, restaurants and taverns on North Ave., Center St. and Walnut St. R&B shows were held at movie houses such as the Colonial at N. 16th and Vliet, the Garfield on N. Third between Locust and Chambers and, on occasion, downtown at the Riverside and Wisconsin theaters. From time-to-time, young local groups— such as one headed by the phenomenal John Taylor—would open for the headliners.

In these venues, I also recall stunning solo performances by James Brown and his Famous Flames, Little Richard Penniman, Etta James, Johnny Ace, B.B. King, Andre (Bacon Fat) Williams, Bo Diddley, Lloyd Price, Little Esther, Ivory Joe Hunter, Big Maybelle, Roy Hamilton and Willie Mabon.

But renowned male vocal groups ruled the roost. They sang hits such as “Baby, It’s You” and “Goodnight Sweetheart” (The Spaniels); “Good Lovin’” and “Blue Velvet” (Clovers); “Most of All” and “Sincerely” (Moonglows); “Darling Dear” and “Hot Tamales” (Counts) and “I’ll Be Forever Loving You” and “At My Front Door” (El Dorados).

On summer nights, R&B sounds boomed on car radios from clear-channel WLAC radio in Nashville via Randy’s Record Shop. Randy Wood, a record retailer, was white, as was his main host—black-sounding disc jockey Hoss Allen.

Great black vocal groups on stage warbled into only two microphones—one for the lead and one shared by three or four background singers. Still, they created a sound second to none without electronic tricks, vocal enhancements or lip-syncing.

One of my fondest memories of R&B shows in Milwaukee was a 1955 performance at the three-level Garfield (later the Opportunities Industrial Center training site) by the Diablos and their dynamic lead singer, Nolan Strong. At that time, they were on Fortune Records and riding high with a phenomenal, ghost-like hit called “The Wind.”

Along with the Flamingos’ still popular “I Only Have Eyes for You,” the Diablos’ version of “The Wind” is one of the smoothest R&B sounds in history. And Strong’s lilting voice, in tribute to his idol, Clyde McPhatter, is among the mellowest.

Listening amidst an all-black capacity crowd on a summer Sunday afternoon proved to me that the our “Big Beat” could be appreciated any time of day or night, in any venue.

Beautiful, bountiful, soaring, soulful black R&B, a.k.a. doo-wop, of my salad days, here, in the 1950s’60, evolved into rock ’n’ roll and changed America and the world. This original sound made a lasting impression on Milwaukee’s vibrant black community and lives on in many of our hearts.

Richard G. Carter was a Milwaukee Sentinel reporter, Milwaukee Journal columnist and local radio commentator and appeared on Larry King Live and Donahue.

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A&E::INREVIEW

::PERFORMING ARTSWEEK

Cozy Christmas Opera with ‘Home for the Holidays’

For More to Do, visit shepherdexpress.com

CLASSICALMUSIC

MSO Holiday Concert

24 | D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9

“H

Forte Theatre Company’s ‘Miracle on 34th Street -- A Live Musical Radio Play’ PHOTO BY JOEL KOPISCHKE

Classic Christmas on the Air with Forte Theatre ::BY RUSS BICKERSTAFF

B

renda and Randall Dodge’s Forte Theatre Company makes its debut this month with a production of Miracle on 34th Street—A Live Musical Radio Play.

Adapted from a 1947 radio broadcast of the classic film, the staging features a talented ensemble of actors playing talent from the golden age of radio. Jazzy renditions of classic Christmas songs punctuate an endearing family drama that never quite manages to tip over into the cloying, overly sentimental territory so often inhabited by wholesome, traditional Christmas fare.

Joel Kopischke is a natural in the warm, jovial presence as Kris Kringle: a department store Santa who is a bit too perfect not to be the genuine article. Kopischke delicately ushers the character through his more somber moments as he struggles for meaning in a holiday increasingly dominated by commercialism. His earnestness is a cause of stress for Macy’s employee Doris Walker. With genuinely vibrant energy in the role, Leah Gawel radiates a classy, mid-century beauty about her as a pragmatic single mother trying to raise her daughter to be a realist so as not to be heartbroken by the harsh realities of the world.

Forte Theatre student Lauren Milosavljevic has a poised sophistication as Doris’ daughter, Susan. Joey Chelius rounds out the central cast quite adeptly in the role of junior lawyer Fred Gailey, who finds himself drawn to the task of proving Kringle’s identity before a judge. The core cast is accompanied by an ensemble in a variety of roles. Justin Hall provides much-needed old-timey radio atmosphere as the show’s Foley artist in a radio studio atmosphere complete with a classic light-up “Applause” sign. Forte makes an entertaining debut with a charming production of a holiday classic.

Through Dec. 22 at Martin Luther High School, 5201 S. 76th St.

ome for the Holidays” is The Florentine Opera’s Christmas-themed show in their “@ the Center Series,” which brings opera to a small, black-box theater where singers are a mere few feet away from the audience. Familiar-looking Christmas decorations and lights cast a golden glow on the four singers and pianist, whom spectators listen to while enjoying the complimentary wine, chocolate and wonderfully appropriate hot chocolate. Everything is seemingly set up to wrap viewers up in a cocoon of coziness, creating a fertile ground to make them receptive to the holiday tunes.

The program stacks the beginning of the night with the more serious music, starting with Ralph Vaughan Williams’ “The Call,” and continuing with Johann Sebastian Bach, George Frideric Handel and Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. The first notes, from baritone Samuel James Dewese, are rich and deep—the kind that slide on your skin and plunge you into the ambiance, until tenor Luke Selker, mezzosoprano Meghan Folkerts and soprano Kathryn Henry join him on stage, accompanied by pianist Janna Ernst.

The “@ the Center Series” makes opera more accessible to persons who would not typically see or hear opera, and this show perfectly illustrates how: The small room helps the voices of the artists sound powerful, and the informal ambiance lets performers undo their ties and joke around between songs, especially as the latter—and lighter—part of the program approaches. Starting with “White Christmas” and including popular favorites like “Silent Night,” “Feliz Navidad” and “The Man with the Bag,” the performance clearly means to communicate cheer and make for a fun evening.

Although informal, the singers are professionals and offer performances comparable to their mainstage shows. Several moments stand out, but Henry concluding the first half of the evening with “O Holy Night,” letting her own emotion wash over the audience in a mesmerizing performance, was a standout. To top it all off, the evening concluded with the timeless classic, “We Wish You a Merry Christmas.”

Through Dec. 22 at the Wayne and Kristine Lueders Opera Center, 930 E. Burleigh St. COUTESY OF FLORENTINE OPERA

Ring in the most wonderful time of the year with a 14-year tradition—one that has, in fact, sold out every single one of those years—at the Sharon Lynn Wilson Center for the Arts. Beloved by and certainly suitable for audiences of all ages, the annual Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra Holiday Concert is a sparkling celebration of carols, classics, singalongs and more.

Founded in 1959, the MSO has taken its place among the nation’s finest orchestras, consistently nurturing music appreciation and talent among area youth, pursuing innovative ways to engage and delight audiences and providing a solid base for Milwaukee’s vibrant music scene.

Situated in a beautiful 400-acre park in Brookfield, Wis., the Wilson Center focuses on the disciplines of the performing arts, arts education and the visual arts. Since opening in 2002, the center has grown to annually welcome more than 45,000 people, including more than 10,000 students—many of whom are being introduced to the arts for the first time. This concert is not only a fine way to experience the Wilson Center and its immediate surroundings for all their inherent aesthetic beauty, but also hear Wisconsin’s preeminent large orchestra performing classic music of the holiday season in such a lovely space. (John Jahn) Sunday, Dec. 22, at 3 p.m. at the Sharon Lynn Wilson Center for the Performing Arts, 3270 Mitchell Park Drive, Brookfield. For tickets, call 262-781-9520, send an email to boxoffice@wilson-center. com or visit www.wilson-center.com.

::BY JEAN-GABRIEL FERNANDEZ

Florentine Opera’s ‘Home for the Holidays’ SHEPHERD EXPRESS

A&E::VISUALART

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OPENINGS: “Dog Days at Lynden”

Saturday, Dec. 21 Lynden Sculpture Garden • 2145 W. Brown Deer Road

COURTESY OF LYNDEN SCULPTURE GARDEN

Lynden Sculpture Garden offers a unique experience of art in nature through its collection of more than 50 monumental sculptures across 40 acres of park, lake and woodland. The garden offers specially designated days throughout the year in which your canine companions can accompany your romp through the lovely grounds. This Saturday’s Dog Days at Lynden (the last one of 2019) is from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Free to members (and dogs!) or with admission to the sculpture garden. Cross-country skiers and snowshoers are also welcome. Please note that dogs must be leashed and considerate of other visitors—canine and human.

Sculpture: Deborah Butterfield, Hara; Dog: Floyd

I h a te The film blog

of the Shepherd Express by Managing Editor Dave Luhrssen

shepherdexpress.com/hollywood SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Happy Holidays!

Love, Your Art Museum

mam.org D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9 | 25

A&E::FILM

[ FILM CLIPS ] Bombshell R

In this depiction of the sexual harassment scandal that caused Roger Ailes, CEO of Fox News, to get handed his walking papers, we find actor John Lithgow almost unrecognizable as Ailes, thanks to ace make-up and prosthetics. Likewise, with very subtle prosthetics and precise speech coaching, Charlize Theron is the look-and-sound-alike of news anchor Megyn Kelly. Famous for her run-ins with then-candidate Donald Trump, Kelly adds her sexual harassment complaints to those of Fox News veteran and former Miss America, Gretchen Carlson (Nicole Kidman). Margot Robbie portrays a composite of several young, ambitious Fox News reporters claiming promises were made in return for payments on Ailes’s casting couch. A zippy screenplay by Charles Randolph and the persuasive recreation of the Fox News infrastructure add credibility to this socially conscious satire. (Lisa Miller)

Cats PG

‘Richard Jewell’

The Case for Clint Eastwood’s ‘Richard Jewell’

cop wannabes seeking validation for their disappointing lives by creating an opportunity for their own heroism. The mistake, according to the screenplay, was when an FBI agent whispered Jewell’s name into the ear of a sexually provocative reporter from the Atlanta Journal Constitution, Kathy Scruggs (Olivia Wilde). Scruggs, an otherwise untalented writer whose brazen chutzpah opens doors (and men’s zippers), is chasing a front-page story regardless of the human cost.

But even her character eventually strikes a sympathetic note.

As depicted with enormous sympathy by Paul Walter Hauser, Jewell is a person for whom it’s easy to feel sorry. He’s morbidly obese and lives with his unconditionally loving mom (Kathy ::BY DAVID LUHRSSEN Bates). He speaks, beneath the averted eyes of a boy who has been bullied, in a molasses-thick mericans were shocked in Southern drawl. He’s not too bright but dutiful 1996 when a bomb exploded to a dangerous degree. While working security at the Atlanta Summer Olym- at a private college, he pulled over speeders on pics, killing two and injuring the highway despite having no jurisdiction. He many more. In an era when bad was once a sheriff’s deputy and was once arnews occurred less regularly in the homeland, rested for impersonating an officer. His life’s the media seized the story and ran. A security objective is law enforcement and he’s a miserguard, Richard Jewell, was initially acclaimed able failure, reduced to standing watch over the a hero for alerting police to the suspicious and sound board at the Olympic concert stage. Even soon deadly backpack he discovered under a after becoming a person of interest, he has to be bench. And then he became the villain when restrained by his angry attorney from assisting word leaked that the FBI regarded him as a per- the FBI’s investigation. son of interest in the case.

It’s a terrific performance by Hauser in Director Clint Eastwood dramatizes the sce- a story that revolves around the irony of a nario with his latest film, Richard Jewell. Giv- man imbued with respect for authority who en Eastwood’s political proclivibecomes the target of authorties, it’s easy to spot an agenda: ity and—yes, it’s a true story— The media are a pack of jackals; ends the film (and his life) in Richard the FBI is corrupt; leaks to news a policeman’s uniform. Jewell Jewell outlets are bad. got his wish before dying, age Eastwood embodies his mesPaul Walter 44; the film suggests his heart sage through the libertarian lawHauser problems were triggered by the yer who defends Jewell, Watson stress of the investigation but Sam Rockwell Bryant (Sam Rockwell). In case complications from diabetes are Directed by we don’t know where he stands, at least as likely.

Clint Eastwood Bryant’s office is furnished with Eastwood moves the story Rated R a sign proclaiming: “I Fear the along efficiently, incorporating Government More than I Fear his characters into the horizonTerrorists.” tally lined archival TV news Fortunately, screenwriter Billy Ray is more footage from 1996. It’s a gripping two-hournuanced. In his screenplay, the FBI genuinely plus production, even though anyone who rebelieves in Jewell’s guilt and with good reason. calls the incident already knows the ending.

Jewell’s Barney Fife conduct on the night of the The real culprit was caught—a self-styled bombing waved many red flags. He fits a profile adherent of the far-right “militia” movement. built from similar cases involving lone bomber-

A

26 | D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9

Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote this musical adapted from T.S. Eliot poetry. Following it’s 21-yearlong London stage run, Webber composed new songs for the screen. Judi Dench portrays the traditionally male Old Deuteronomy as female—the judge of a cat competition promising a special prize to the winner. The film’s budget included a “cat school” for the actors. Further help comes from CGI enhancements providing cat-like tails, ears and whiskers. Also stars Taylor Swift, Francesca Hayward, Idris Elba and Jennifer Hudson. (L.M.)

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker PG-13

Set one year after The Last Jedi, this chapter finds the Resistance battling the dictatorial First Order. The conflict between the Jedi and the Sith rages on as the Skywalker saga concludes.

Anthony Daniels once again reprises his role as C-3PO, making him the only actor to appear in all nine Star Wars episodes. Carrie Fisher’s daughter, 26-year-old Billie Lourd, appears as Lieutenant Connix. Although Fisher died in 2016, she appears here via previously unused footage from episodes VII and VIII (2015 and 2017). While the dialog remains the same, the backgrounds from Fisher’s scenes have been changed. (L.M.)

[ HOME MOVIES / NOW STREAMING ] n Linda Ronstadt: The Sound of My Voice (KINO LORBER)

Linda Ronstadt was a full-throated singer and emotive balladeer straddling pop, country and rock. The Sound of My Voice is a lively documentary built on a priceless trove of archival footage and photos. It’s told in Ronstadt’s voice, with the help of a slew of collaborators such as Don Henley, Ry Cooder, Bonnie Raitt and David Geffen. The dislocating anxiety of arena rock pushed Ronstadt to her next step—operetta! And it didn’t stop there.

n Funan (SHOUT! FACTORY)

In Hollywood, animation is indelibly stamped with comedy but elsewhere, animators are unafraid to handle dark, difficult topics. Based on his family’s experience under the Khmer Rouge, the award-wining Francebased director Denis Do conjures up the pre-1975 Cambodian society crushed by rifle butts. Puritanical mutant Maoists, the Khmer Rouge forced 1.5 million people out of cities and into farm camps in their bid to construct utopia. Funan dramatizes the events in full emotional color.

n Battle of Leningrad (MPI MEDIA)

This 2019 movie by Russian writer-director Aleksey Kozlov isn’t about the famed World War II siege of Leningrad by the Nazis but is inspired instead by incidents around the city before the German stranglehold was set. The production values and storyboarding are familiar to American audiences from countless Netflix features complete with pyrotechnics, heroism and romance. The incredible but somehow compelling tale is framed by reminiscences by an elderly woman, one of the last survivors.

n Tel Aviv on Fire

The personal becomes political in this 2018 comedy by Arab-Israeli director Sameh Zoabi when ne’er do well Salam stumbles into a writing job on a Palestinian soap opera produced on the West Bank. Taken into custody at a checkpoint, he begins collaborating on the story with an Israeli officer whose wife is a fan of the show. Zoabi spoofs absurd assumptions and stereotypes found on both sides of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict with a light, sophisticated touch.

—David Luhrssen SHEPHERD EXPRESS

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A&E::BOOKS

BOOK|REVIEWS

Heirs of an Honored Name: The Decline of the Adams Family and the Rise of Modern America (BASIC BOOKS),

BY DOUGLAS R. EGERTON

John Adams was one of America’s founders and his son, John Quincy Adams, followed his father into the presidency. Heirs of an Honored Name begins with John Quincy’s unique post-presidential career—18 years in the House of Representatives, during which he drew anger from his Southern colleagues for opposing slavery.

But the author is more concerned with the next two squabbling generations of Adamses. Although they continued to serve in Congress, the military and corporate board rooms, their pessimism over America’s evolution eventually left them behind events. They stood for a republic of honorable men, not a democracy encompassing the entire population. Worse still, some became well-read advocates of white supremacy and anti-Semitism. Rather than follow the lead of their illustrious ancestors, they behaved like secondary characters in the novels of Henry James. (David Luhrssen)

The World’s Most Prestigious Prize: The Inside Story of the Nobel Peace Prize

BOOK|PREVIEW

(OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS),

BY GEIR LUNDESTAD

I

The Nobel Peace Prize is perhaps the world’s greatest honor and yet is not without controversy. As the author of The World’s Most Prestigious Prize admits, Mahatma Gandhi never received the Peace Prize, but Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho were so honored. Geir Lundestad approaches his subject from an insider’s perspective. The former director of the Norwegian Nobel Institute had access to the process by which a committee appointed by the Norwegian parliament weighed the sometimesopposing claims of human rights and ending warfare. Prizes have been awarded as a rebuke to one system or another, including Martin Luther King Jr. (Jim Crow), Desmond Tutu (apartheid) and Andrei Sakharov (Soviet Communism). Only occasionally has the prize had a demonstrable effect on world events. Lundestad concedes that the Peace Prize, endowed by arms manufacturer Alfred Nobel, isn’t perfect. But unlike the Nobels for science, dominated by developed nations with extensive infrastructures, peace requires no well-funded laboratory but begins instead with the will to stand against violence. (David Luhrssen) 28 | D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9

New Book Chronicles Milwaukee Rock in the 20th Century ::BY JENNI HERRICK

n the last five decades of the 20th century, Milwaukee’s constantly evolving music scene served as a vibrant artistic hub for underground performers and soon-to-be famous bands alike, and a new anthology by a trio of local rock and roll aficionados shares the passionate stories behind many of the city’s most iconic musical artists and events.

In Milwaukee Rock and Roll, 1950-2000: A Reflective History, editors David Luhrssen, Bruce Cole and Phillip Naylor have collaborated to compile an adroitly ardent account of many local musicians as well as enthralling reflections from concert promoters, photographers and fervent fans who all had front-row seats to the city’s most iconic cultural events. In addition to generous first-hand reports, lavish illustrations add to the allure of this versatile book that is perfect for both well-seasoned local music buffs and new fans of Milwaukee music history.

Luhrssen is managing editor of the Shepherd Express, as well as the author or co-author of The Encyclopedia of Classic Rock; Brick Through the Window: An Oral History of Punk Rock, New Wave & Noise in Milwaukee, 1964-1984; and Elvis Presley: Reluctant Rebel. Cole is curator of Marquette University’s Jean Cujé Milwaukee Music Collection and drummer for the popular Milwaukee group, the Doo-Wop Daddies. Naylor, a professor of history at Marquette University whose teaching roster includes a popular course on rock music. The trio will appear at Boswell Book Co. on Thursday, Dec. 19, at 8 p.m. The evening will feature a musical introduction by Lil Rev and Friends.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

::OFFTHECUFF DAVID E JACKSON

A Unique Collection of Contemporary Crafts OFF THE CUFF WITH RACINE ART MUSEUM’S BRUCE PEPICH ::BY JENNY MAURER

T

he Racine Art Museum (RAM) has the largest contemporary craft collection in the United States, with 9,500 pieces from internationally renowned artists. Driving the unique collection is Bruce Pepich, who became the museum’s director in 1981. RAM has always been a fixture in Racine, drawing approximately 60,000 visitors annually, according to a recent National Endowment for the Arts article. Along with its sibling—the Wustum Museum of Fine Arts—RAM hosts work by world famous artists such as Dale Chihuly and holds many diverse events. Pepich spoke with Off the Cuff about the museum and his role.

How did you come to join the Racine Art Museum?

Forty-five years ago, I applied for a job at the Wustum Museum. They were looking for someone to organize art exhibits and run the art sales, along with a couple of other programs.

I was on my way to graduate school and had finished my undergraduate work early in January. I was looking for a job to tide me over until I returned to school. I applied for the job and got it. I realized I was getting paid for things I would not be paid to do in a graduate school internship. I stayed for a couple more years, and it ended up becoming a lifelong commitment.

What drew you to the world of contemporary crafts in particular?

When I was in college in the early ’70s, there were exhibitions across the country at university campuses, and they would host print drawing and craft competitions. Our student union had one of those competitions every year, and we were buying work from those shows for the university’s collection. I got the job of being curator for the collection, so I had exposure to lots of ceramic, fiber and glass pieces. I became very interested in what was going on in the American craft field.

What inspired the beginning of your community outreach events?

Even when we were just Wustum Museum with one campus, we were always interested in education. We had studio classes, hands-on opportunities for the public and three shifts of classes for factory workers. In the ’80s, we started doing educational outreach programs with elementary students from both public and private schools. Once we started one program and saw how well it was received, we realized that many didn’t have time to take an eight-week class. You have to go out and find people where they work, learn and play. When we built RAM, it made things like downtown Racine’s “First Fridays” a great opportunity for us to have drop-in work sessions for families—things that would introduce the public to art.

How do special events benefit the museum? Is there an event that you are particularly fond of?

We have one called SAVOUR which started last year. We pair up a local chef with a local artist, and they talk. The chef comes up with a menu item that looks like the artist’s work or has the same feelings. We then have a party where the public can meet the artist and chef. It shows different kinds of visual creativity and shows that both are creative people. We’re trying

Bruce Pepich

to have people learn more about what’s in their own community. We do these events to bring people in and make a bigger family of supporters and, hopefully, turn a profit we can use to underwrite our programs.

What do you think appeals to people about the museum?

I think they like the fact that we have things here that show handwork. We all live with pottery and textiles at home. I think we bring a lot of our personal history to what we see, and we have a lot of functional things like teapots and goblets in the collection. You could look at a teapot piece and say, “I know what a teapot looks like, but look what this artist has done with the idea of a teapot.” It brings people into the conversation. People like that; they get to see things they don’t see at other museums in the area.

What are some of the museum’s accomplishments that you’re most proud of?

I’m proud that we have 60,000 visitors every year to the two campuses from a city of 70,000 people; this means we are serving a lot of people in the Racine community and drawing people from the Chicago, Milwaukee and Madison areas as well. We bring people from more than 40 different states and 20 different countries each year to the museum. It introduces Racine to a lot of people and makes people feel more proud to live here.

What are some future goals for the museum? What’s the plan going forward?

We’re looking at ways to make our programs, and what we do, more accessible to more people. We’re trying to organize exhibitions that we think people will find topical but also inspire them to think more. We’re trying to make people think of RAM as the community living room: a place where they can hang out or bring friends from out of town. We want to make it a part of people’s social lives.

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SHEPHERD EXPRESS

D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9 | 29

::HEARMEOUT ASK RUTHIE | UPCOMING EVENTS | PAUL MASTERSON

::ASKRUTHIE SPONSORED BY

WINNER OF THE JEWELERS OF AMERICA’S 2019 CASE AWARD

::RUTHIE’SSOCIALCALENDAR Dec. 19—Rendezvous at La Cage Niteclub (801 S. Second St.): One of the city’s largest dance bars gets naughty with floor after floor of go-go boys from the Windy Cindy. Drink specials abound with DJs and dancing. Grab your dollar bills and get ready for some adult fun during the 8 p.m. event.

Dec. 20—TGIF at This Is It! (418 E. Wells St.): Thank God it’s Friday holiday-style with this weekly happy hour hosted by the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center. Toss back a few, enjoy light appetizers and bid 2019 farewell during the 5:30-7:30 p.m. event.

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Happy (Horny) Holidays!

MERRY, MERRY READERS! I’m so glad you’ve taken the time to spend a bit of your holiday season with little ol’ me! Whether you’re enjoying my column with a piping-hot cup of cocoa, sitting near your holiday tree or simply taking a bit of a break from the seasons’ hustle and bustle (i.e. sitting on the john), I’m so glad we have this moment together.

Let’s look at a message from a horny little elf not sure what to do with her pent-up Christmas cheer. Then, see my seasonal social calendar for some change-of-pace ideas to get your ho-ho-ho on. And, if you have tickets to see me as Dorothy in the “Golden Girls” dinner theater spectacular at Hamburger Mary’s, be sure to say “Hi!”

Dear Ruthie,

When I was a little girl, I had a tiny crush on Santa Claus. Now I’m a middle-aged woman, and my crush has turned into a fullon fetish. I fantasize about the man in red in ways I probably shouldn’t. Is this crazy? Hell, am I crazy? It’s seems almost sacrilegious.

What’s wrong with me?

song or simply sit back and enjoy the craziness during the 8:30 p.m. singalong. From holiday-season tunes to ’80s favorites and from rock ’n’ roll to country-western and everything between, there’s a song for you during this friendly karaoke night.

Dec. 21—Christmas Polka Pajama Party at Art*Bar (722 E. Burleigh St.): Wait, wait, wait... Christmas pajamas? A live polka band? Art*Bar? How could this 9 p.m. holiday bash get any better? Add a buffet and door prizes, and OMG, what a night!

Grab your flannels, sweatpants and slippers and hit this memorable holiday bash.

Dec. 23—Blue Christmas Service at Christ Church UCC (915 E. Oklahoma Ave.): Not quite feeling the holiday spirit this year? Maybe your life has been marred by disease, loss or depression? This service of healing and hope might just help. Hosted by Christ Church United Church of Christ and Milwaukee Metropolitan Community Church, this 7 p.m. mass is open to the public.

Dec. 23—Closing Night of ‘The Golden Girls’ First Christmas’ at Hamburger Mary’s (730 S. Fifth St.): Purse String Productions joins forces with Hamburger Mary’s for an evening of golden holiday cheer. Your $39 ticket includes dinner from a special menu, dessert, the play, raffles and more. Join Dorothy (me...Dear Ruthie!), Sophia (B.J. Daniels), Blanche (Dita Von) and Rose (Brandon Herr) in this hilarious

(Signed) Yes, Virginia, Yes!

yet heartwarming show by Anthony Torti. Visit mkegoldengirls.brownpapertickets.

There’s nothing wrong with letting your festive freak flag fly. You’re a grown woman; own your fantasies, and don’t feel guilty about having naughty thoughts. While this fantasy may not be common, it sounds healthy (and maybe even a bit hot)! After all, beards are in right now, and plenty of folks are attracted to larger, hairy guys.

(Go to a bear-week party event, girl! Your head will explode!) That said, there’s nothing wrong with you, nothing to worry about and nothing to feel embarrassed over. Let the big guy come down your chimney as vision of sugarplums dance in your head. It’s all good, sweetie.

Community Church (1239 W. Mineral St.): You can cherish the Christian “reason for

Dear Slut,

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Dec. 20—Friday Karaoke at Harbor Room (117 E. Greenfield Ave.): See what has Milwaukee buzzing when you stop by this leather-levi bar for a good time. Sing a

com to nab your table.

Dec. 24—Christmas Eve Candlelight Service at Milwaukee Metropolitan the season” during an 8 p.m. mass that’s open to all—including the LGBTQ community. Enjoy the story of the holy family as told through scripture and song and join the congregation for a complimentary dessert reception afterward.

Ask Ruthie a question or share your events with her at dearruthie@shepex.com.

Follow her on Instagram @ruthiekeester and Facebook at Dear Ruthie. Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

::MYLGBTQPoint of View

New Spiritual Community Celebrates Jesus, Social Justice and Radical Inclusion

::BY PAUL MASTERSON

R

ecent news of a Michigan Roman Catholic priest refusing communion to a married lesbian judge serves as another sad reminder for spiritually minded LGBTQs that most mainstream religions exercise, at best, a fullblown intolerance of their non-heterosexual brethren. In the season of religious holidays, they face being the awkward outsider at the table or entirely estranged from it.

For Methodist minister Jonah Holm, the solution was simply to found a new church, Zao MKE. Holm, who holds dual degrees in theology and social work, explains Zao as a

Jesus-rooted, justice-centered and radically inclusive community. “The Greek word Zao appears in Jesus’ teaching and means being fully alive. This is the core of Jesus’ teaching, and whereas traditional churches fixate on the afterlife, Zao seeks out the abundance of life now. It is a Christian spiritual community in the United Methodist tradition of John Wesley, embracing a practical theology without the hard lines of doctrine. It embraces personal holiness, social wholeness and the living out of God’s mission against injustice,” Holm explains.

This leads to Zao’s tenets of social justice and radical inclusion. “We are committed to

racial justice, and we talk about that… that Jesus was brown. That reality changes the image of the white, blond, Californian, surfer Jesus back to the brown-skinned, Palestinian, Jewish, peasant organizer living under Roman occupation and challenging religious authority.

It’s foundational to our identity,” Holm says.

It is in this context that Zao, rather than simply reconciling, affirms LGBTQ people. “I want to have people see the holiness of their sexuality and sexual orientation. We also actively engage in justice-making. Part of that is to oppose institutions that hurt people. Jesus was about opposing unjust teaching in religious and political circles. We declare, ‘God is proud of you.’ Trans liberation, supporting immigrants and black lives matter to God,” he says.

According to Holm, being radically inclusive means all parts of the individual belong in church—no part needs to be left at the door or toned down to be accepted by God. Zao believes God created people in their fullness.

“Radical is what we choose to prioritize.

Anyone who is oppressed gets priority. Radical means protecting and celebrating the most vulnerable,” Holm explains. “The spiritual community has to include us. For example,

- L A S T C A L L F O R N O M I N AT I O N S -

Who Should Be Milwaukee’s

H ero of

the Year?

there is still a troubling lack of trans leadership in mainstream churches. That’s unique about Zao. I am trans, and my husband is trans. You can’t love what you don’t know.

God knows all of us and loves all of us. We believe God created people to be gay or trans.

Zao accepts all people but not all ideas. Inclusion doesn’t mean we affirm an ideology like white supremacism.”

And, while studies show Millennials as less likely to participate in mainstream religions, they form a major part of the ever-growing Zao congregation. “The Millennials I encounter are deeply creative thinkers longing for connection and meaning. Zao is ‘I go to church because I want to know what I believe and find what others believe, and because I want to support [others] and take joy in that journey.’ Belief here is not required. It’s a process of discovery,” Holm says.

Zao MKE Church is located at 2319 E. Kenwood Boulevard. Christmas services include “Hark! A Message of Love” on Sunday, Dec. 22, and a Christmas Eve service on Tuesday, Dec. 24.

Comment at shepherdexpress.com. n

O

ur readers know best who is working in our community to make Milwaukee a better place for all its citizens.

Please continue to nominate individuals or organizations whose contributions have made Milwaukee a great place to live. The Shepherd Express will honor the winner as Milwaukee’s Hero of the Year. d nee we ero! h a

Send us your nomination and a one-paragraph description of the person or organization to editor@shepex.com by Dec. 31.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9 | 31

::MUSIC

For more MUSIC, log onto shepherdexpress.com

ANDREAS LAWEN

FEATURE | ALBUM REVIEWS | CONCERT REVIEWS | LOCAL MUSIC

Milwaukee was one of the first cities to support TSO early on.

How does it feel coming to Milwaukee 21 years later?

Milwaukee will always have a special place in my heart. I never thought I’d ever see 21 years of consecutive tours; the fact that Milwaukee has embraced us as part of their holiday tradition and we have embraced Milwaukee as a part of ours—it means so much to the whole organization. To show our love and appreciation, we are bringing back our biggest show ever.

How did you first define TSO’s sound starting out? How do you define its sound today?

The TSO sound is a culmination of all of Paul O’Neill’s musical and theatrical influences. Living in New York City, he was exposed to not only all the great arena rock bands but the New York Philharmonic, theater district and everything in-between. TSO has defined its own sound by carefully drawing from all of Paul’s influences.

Al Pitrelli

Trans-Siberian Orchestra Returns to Milwaukee with Christmas Show AN INTERVIEW WITH MUSIC DIRECTOR AL PITRELLI ::BY HARRY CHERKINIAN

hen Trans-Siberian Orchestra (TSO) emerged in 1996, the sound was undefinable. American rockers? Symphonic musicians? Progressive metal heads with a flair for theatrics?

The brainchild of composer, lyricist and producer Paul O’Neill, TSO rose quickly to arena rock status with its 1999 debut, Christmas Eve and Other Stories. Milwaukee was one of the first places to embrace the TSO hybrid sound with large crowds and sold out shows as the orchestra shot up the charts and gained a worldwide following.

In celebration of its 20th anniversary debut and tour, Christmas Eve and Other Stories, the orchestra’s principal guitarist and concert music director, Al Pitrelli, took some time from TSO’s busy holiday schedule to talk about Milwaukee, musical influences and spending holidays on the road:

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You’ve cited Jeff Beck and Gary Moore as influences in your guitar playing. Can you expound on that specifically? How do you define your guitar playing that goes beyond their influences?

I love guitar players and any instrumentalist for that fact—they can tell me a story without the luxury of a lyric. I’ve always thought that it was harder to tell a story with fewer notes. Melody has always been paramount to me, I have tried to and continually try to speak clearer through my guitar. That’s one thing that Paul always enjoyed about my playing. He would always say I put words into my notes.

Probably the greatest compliment I’ve ever been given.

How does it personally feel for you to bring Christmas Eve and Other Stories full circle from the first tour 21 years ago?

It feels bittersweet to perform this story again. I love playing the songs and have enjoyed being reintroduced to the characters after all these years. It’s the first time we have ever done it without Paul.

In 1999, this was all brand new. There were no expectations. Every year since 1999, Paul, along with his family and our department Transheads, have raised the bar to unbelievable Siberian levels. They have done so again this year.

Orchestra Friday, Dec. 27, 3:30 p.m. and 8 p.m.

Fiserv Forum

How has playing in TSO changed you over the years—personally and professionally?

Professionally, it’s given me one task: To be the best musical director I possibly can. It’s made me a better musician, band leader and teacher. Personally, it’s changed everything in my life. It’s made me appreciate and understand my family more and has made me much more selfless. My children have enjoyed growing up along with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, and I love the fact that they are proud of me. It shows them that hard work and perseverance will make dreams come true.

You’re always on the road over the Christmas holidays. How do you and your family handle and adjust to that year to year?

I’ve been doing this so long that there is nothing to adjust to—for 21 years, this is all my family has known. My boys will come visit when their schedule permits, and my wife and the girls visit every Christmas Eve and Day wherever I am. On this tour, I get to celebrate Christmas Eve 60 times in as many communities. Who’s luckier than me?

Trans-Siberian Orchestra plays two shows on Friday, Dec. 27, at 3:30 p.m. and 8 p.m. at Fiserv Forum. For more information, call 414-2270511 or visit fiservforum.com.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

COURTESY OF THE BAND

::THISWEEKINMILWAUKEE

THURSDAY, DEC. 19

Manty Ellis Trio @ Transfer MKE, 7:30 p.m.

Manty Ellis, Milwaukee’s godfather of jazz guitar, is back for his fifth year of Martini Jazz Lounge residency. This year, the trio will perform every third Thursday. The Manty Ellis Trio is rounded out by veteran players Jeff Hamann on bass and Jamie Breiwick on trumpet.

Hillbilly Casino w/ Rosie & The Rivets and Jittery Jack & Miss Amy @ Northern Lights Theater, 8 p.m.

COURTESY OF THE BAND

Join the rockin’, retro, good time, Holiday Hootenanny at the Christmas Carnival featuring Nashville’s Hillbilly Casino, blending elements of honky-tonk, rockabilly, psychobilly and straight-up rock ’n’ roll.

Every member of Hillbilly Casino brings a special flair to the band. From Nic Roulette’s background in hip-hop and rockabilly to Geoff Firebaugh’s love of old-school punk rock and ska, you’ll find elements of all of this in every Hillbilly Casino record and show. Boston’s Jittery Jack & Miss Amy bring an East Coast bang to the world of rockabilly and ’50s inspired rock ’n’ roll.

Lupinare

SATURDAY, DEC. 21

Lupinare w/ Arrow, Murder Generation @ Pabst Milwaukee Brewery and Taproom, 9 p.m.

Milwaukee’s Paul Kneevers is on a roll. Earlier this month, the multi-instrumentalist announced that he had composed four new songs in one week. And Kneevers plans on releasing four new albums with different groups in 2020.

In October, Kneevers’ band, Lupinare, released Involuntary Exposure. Their description is “Zappa-style grooves with outspoken vocals, whiplash guitars smothered in noise from space, splashed with pop-hook frenzy.” It would not be off the mark to suggest this is not easy listening. Kneevers mines the news of the day to come up with what he simply describes as “dark music.”

Koch Marshall Trio @ Shank Hall, 8 p.m.

FRIDAY, DEC. 20

With 15 albums to his credit, Greg Koch’s talent as a guitar virtuoso precedes him.

Joined by his son Dylan on drums and Toby Lee Marshall on Hammond B3 organ, the trio blends the explosive guitar manipulations, groove-centric, power-pocket drumming and keyboard sounds that range from deep to screaming. Koch’s compositions are properly portrayed in the blues-drenched, funky, chicken-fried, gospel, jazz-rock panorama in which they were conceived.

DANNY WORK

Hillbilly Casino

Freddie & the Blifftones @ Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, 7:30 p.m.

Fred Bliffert has a long and storied career in both Milwaukee and national music scenes. In the ’60s, Bliffert founded Freddie & the Freeloaders, the Hound Dog Band, Jelly and Freddy & the Blifftones. Now president and CEO of Bliffert Lumber Company, he recorded two albums on major labels and has collaborated with (and had several albums produced by) the legendary Al Kooper (Blood, Sweat & Tears and Bob Dylan).

SATURDAY, DEC. 21

Happy Harley Days @ Harley-Davidson Museum MOTOR Bar & Restaurant, 10 a.m.

Come celebrate the holiday season with a fun-filled day at the Harley-Davidson Museum with roaming entertainment throughout the campus, breakfast with Santa at MOTOR Bar & Restaurant, as well as holiday shopping. Bring your holiday wish list to breakfast with Santa and enjoy hands-on holiday frame decorating. The Big Guy will be hanging out at MOTOR from 10 a.m.-2 p.m.

Also on display is “Building a Milwaukee Icon: Harley-Davidson’s Juneau Avenue Factory.”

This recently recovered cache of architectural drawings includes plans for the original Juneau Avenue facility. The pencil drawings, along with archival photographs, demonstrate the whirlwind pace of the company’s early growth when Milwaukee was known as the “Machine Shop to the World.”

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Koch Marshall Trio

MONDAY, DEC. 23

King Eye & The Squirts—Green Bay Packers halftime show @ Cactus Club, 7 p.m.

Each week, a different musical project plays an abbreviated set between the second and third quarters of all Green Bay Packers games. This week brings on the ’60s surfinfluenced King Eye & The Squirts.

D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9 | 33

COURTESY OF THE BAND

::LOCALMUSIC

COURTESY OF THE BAND

Milwaukee’s FTAM Promotes Experimental Music and Community ::BY WARREN ENSTRÖM

W

HAT EXACTLY DOES A RECORD LABEL DO? If you take Milwaukee-based FTAM Productions as an example, the answer is not as simple as you might expect. Peter J. Woods, who created the label around 2007 as a way of curating releases he was excited about, has been working on getting more people out to shows.

To do this, Woods developed two education event series that FTAM produces. The Experimental Education Series is supported by funding from the Network Fellowship, which is administered by the UW-Madison for projects that aim to educate and organize communities through specific topics. Woods chose noise.

The Experimental Education Series invites female experimental artists and musicians to give workshops on their practices.

The Jazz Gallery Center for the Arts on Center Street hosts the workshops, which last around an hour. An evening-length concert follows, offering attendees the chance to hear the techniques they learned earlier in context. This format (of workshop paired with concert) brings out larger audiences than if Woods were simply booking a concert. Through the series, Woods has brought many well-known artists to Milwaukee to teach and perform, including Olivia Block, Lea Bertucci and Rusalka.

The success of the series did not go unnoticed. Brinn Labs, the design lab for the Betty Brinn Children’s Museum, noticed the success Woods had and invited him to create another event series for their space in Bay View. The Noise Knowledge Consortium has the same structure: first, an artist leads a workshop on the topic of their choosing, and then they will play a short concert of their own work. The consortium is more of Noise a matinee, taking place in the early Knowledge afternoon, while the series is a night Consortium concert.

Woods has a long history of bookSaturday, ing shows in Milwaukee, putting Dec. 21, 2 p.m. together the Milwaukee Noise Fest in Brinn Labs 2007 and leading the event for several years after that. After that first noise fest, he formed FTAM Productions as a space for curating concerts, record releases and now educational events covering experimental music and harsh noise.

Woods uses FTAM to publish records he believes in and wants to hear, while making a platform for Milwaukee noise musicians to distribute their works. By pairing less well-known artists with more recognized ones, Woods aims to spread fame and success to more musicians.

You can catch this year’s final installment of the Noise Knowledge Consortium at Brinn Labs, 433 E. Steward St., Saturday, Dec. 21, at 2 p.m. Gabriella Schwartz (Nummy) will give a workshop followed by a concert opened by the Kingston Family Singers. If you are curious about noise, this concert is a great introduction to the genre. You can visit FTAM Production’s website ftamproductions.com and find their releases on Bandcamp.

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Black Belt Theatre

Black Belt Theatre Comes Out Swinging on ‘Power Petting’ ::BY BLAINE SCHULTZ

F

or every musician who is a lifer, there are scores who hung it up. The members of Milwaukee’s Black Belt Theatre are a quartet of such lifers.

Alligator Gun, Bender and The Buzzhorn are names that might ring a bell with listeners of local music in the ’90s. Recombining as Black Belt Theatre, Steve Adams, Tim Cook, John Kucera and Bert Zweber all had done time with major labels (Atlantic, TVT and Relativity) before taking over a decade off.

Their recent album, Power Petting, follows the aptly titled Hibernation Termination (2014) and Superbitch (2017). The roar of a Marshall amplifier fires the initial shot across the bow. “Call the Police” blends melody and power, hooks and crunch. From the get-go, Black Belt Theatre say, “Take it or leave it.”

According to bassist-vocalist Cook, the band got together a little over five years ago. On paper, their sound might come across as anachronistic, but hearing the big hooks driven by a powerful sound never gets old.

“We typically cite Cheap Trick, UFO and Thin Lizzy as our primary influences,” Cook says. But he is also brave enough to run down a list of names that includes less-thanhip players “There’s a nod to The Killers, “ he admits.

“April Wine, early Sammy Hagar, early Pat Benatar, Hanoi Rocks, Billy Squier—these all factor in. The newer ones would be Foo Fighters, Queens of the Stone Age, Danko Jones, The Eagles of Death Metal.”

“The Coronation” recalls the glory days of FM rock with a rich chorus of backing vocals punctuated by blasts of guitar.

“Bullets” takes aim with another chorus that makes the listener wonder “Where have I heard that before?”

According to Cook, that was the idea. “The ‘Bullets’ chorus uses a major chord progression that resolves to a minor chord. There’s nothing at all unique about that, but it opens up the melodic possibilities. It’s been done a million times,” he says. “The trick is editing yourself from making it too over the top. Besides the major-minor thing,

we dove harder into some classic musical themes this time and put our own spin on them. I think that gives some of the songs a level of familiarity.”

Clocking in at just under 40 minutes, Power Petting recalls a vinyl album. Coincidence? “We certainly sequence our records with Side A and Side B in mind. So, that was the approach. When CDs first took over, everyone was filling them up with 14 songs, 15 songs, or whatever,” Cook continues. “It was too much, in most cases. Attention spans are shorter now, anyway.”

At the time, a typical band scenario went something like this: write songs, play them live, put gig money in a band fund for studio time and release a record. Everything changes. Cook takes us through the steps it took to get the new album out to the public.

A lot of times it’s a little riff that someone comes up with, either alone or in rehearsal together. If one of those seems cool, they develop it. On the new record, Cook brought in most of the core ideas from home and the band worked through them together. Cook explains, “I’d have maybe one pass through a verse, pre-chorus and chorus. Maybe an opening riff idea, or we’d pull parts from something else. And together, we’d work out the feel and tempo and decide where it would go as far as B-sections, twists and turns, the ending and so on.”

The album includes curveballs like “Corner Drinker,” which adds horns, and “A Beat Up Dream,” which is one notch away from power pop.

“Once we work something to the point of a reasonable song structure, we record a live jam onto one of our cell phones. Then we take that to Steve’s basement studio, where we do all our recording, and we make a rough demo with vocals and the whole deal,” he says. “That’s Black Belt when we know whether or not we Theatre have something. And it’ll go through changes over time. Eventually, we’ll Saturday, use that demo as the guide track for Dec. 28 the actual recording.”

Paulie’s Pub Bands can be notorious pressure & Eatery cookers for egos. Who calls the shots? Who is really in charge? What is the songwriting process? Cook suggests all these years down the line, the members of Black Belt Theatre have come to a common-sense approach.

“Well, it’s not democratic in the sense of us running it by majority vote,” he says. “If we don’t all like it, then we won’t do it. But we’re all involved in the process,” he says. “It seems like, over time, we’ve all settled comfortably into individual roles. There’s cross-over here and there, but we’ve each found our strengths. We just move naturally toward them, now.”

Black Belt Theatre play Saturday, Dec. 28, at Paulie’s Pub & Eatery, 8031 W. Greenfield Ave. SHEPHERD EXPRESS

MUSIC::LISTINGS To list your event, go to shepherdexpress.com/events and click submit an event

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 19

Cactus Club, Isharai Artist Management Presents: MKE Live Groove Edition w/The Oshi, Je’ Love, Sunny James, Rich P, Jaecar & Auti Marie Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Lamplighter: Peter Mulvey, Erik Koskinen & David Huckfelt Caroline’s Jazz Club, Milwaukee Hot Club Clarke Hotel (Waukesha), Ginni & JoAnna Marie (6pm) County Clare Irish Inn & Pub, Acoustic Irish Folk w/Barry Dodd Jazz Estate, A Charlie Brown Christmas w/The Commercialists Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Roadhouse Rave-Up Open Jam Mason Street Grill, Mark Thierfelder Jazz Trio (5:30pm) McAuliffe’s On The Square (Racine), Open Mic Night Mezcalero Restaurant, The Jammers O’Donoghues Irish Pub (Elm Grove), All-Star SuperBand (6pm) Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Al White Duo Rock Country MKE, Jeff Walski Unplugged Rounding Third Bar and Grill, World’s Funniest Free Comedy Show Sazzy B (Kenosha), Gypsy Jazz Sheryl’s Club 175 (Slinger), Acoustic Jam w/ Milwaukee Mike & Downtown Julius The Laughing Tap, Deep Space The Packing House, Barbara Stephan & Peter Mac (6pm) Transfer Pizzeria Café, Martini Jazz Lounge: Manty Ellis Trio Turner Hall Ballroom, Peekaboo w/Wolfbiter & Aliens At Work Up & Under, No Vacancy Comedy Open Mic Nite

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 20

Ally’s Bistro, Sue Russell and the Men in Black American Legion Post #449 (Brookfield), The Falcons (6:30pm) American Legion Post #69 (Mayville), The Ricochettes Art Bar, Jennifer Andrea & the Drive Down w/ Soulfoot Mombits Bremen Cafe, DubNDoom Cactus Club, The New Regimen: Nileexnile, Eli $tones, Jwoods, 2Hi, Lake & DJ The Jenius Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Krause Family Band Caroline’s Jazz Club, Sam Belton Jazz Experience Charmbiance Wine Art Bar, Matt MF Tyner Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: Bagsong w/Storm Chaser (8pm), DJ: French Connection (10pm) Club Garibaldi, Trombone Daniel ‘D.’ Ensemble ComedySportz, ComedySportz Milwaukee!

Company Brewing, Winter Beach Party w/The Hot Shyachts County Clare Irish Inn & Pub, Traditional Irish Ceilidh Session Iron Mike’s (Franklin), Friday Jam Session w/ Steve Nitros & the Liquor Salesmen Jazz Estate, A Charlie Brown Christmas w/The Commercialists Kim’s Lakeside (Pewaukee), Sleepy Andy & the Nite Shift Band Lake Lawn Resort, Brian Fictum Lakefront Brewery, Brewhaus Polka Kings (5:30pm) Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Freddy & the Blifftones

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Los Mariachis Mexican Restaurant, Larry Lynne Revue Mamie’s, Robert Allen Jr. Mason Street Grill, Phil Seed Trio (6pm) Milwaukee Ale House, Your Mom Nō Studios, Jazz In The City Old German Beer Hall, Steve Meisner Band Pabst Milwaukee Brewery & Taproom, The Boy Band Review Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Hambo and the Meemops Red Rock Saloon, Zac Matthews Riverside Theater, A Motown Christmas Rock Country MKE, Ten Feet Tall w/Shelly Mack and The ReUnion Route 20 (Sturtevant), Holiday Concert w/Cheryl McCrary Shank Hall, Pat McCurdy South Milwaukee Performing Arts Center, An Evening with George Winston The Alley Cat Lounge (Five O’Clock Steakhouse), Brian Dale Group The Back Room @ Colectivo, Patrick Park w/Dan Tedesco The Miramar Theatre, DJ noDJ vs. Daft Punk The Packing House, Carmen Nickerson & The Carmen Sutra Trio (6:30pm) Thurmans 15, The MilBillies Union Park Tavern (Kenosha), Kenosha/Chicago Metra Irish Folk Jam Up & Under, Hot By Ziggy

Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, One Lane Bridge Lake Lawn Resort, Terry Sweet (6pm) Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Another One: A Grateful Dead Christmas Lyon’s Irish Pub (Watertown), Byrne Family Band MOTOR Bar & Restaurant, Bulleit Bourbon Presents BBQ & Blues (5pm) Mason Street Grill, Jonathan Wade Trio (6pm) Pabst Milwaukee Brewery & Taproom, Lupinare w/Arrow & Murder Generation Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, In Bar 360: Matt & Karla as Subtle Undertones Riverside Theater, Celtic Woman: The Best of Christmas Tour Shank Hall, The Koch Marshall Trio The Back Room @ Colectivo, Home for the Holidays w/Joe Richter The Cheel / The Baaree (Thiensville), Donna Woodall Group The Coffee House, Living Activism Night: Music & poetry from Coffee House folk The Miramar Theatre, Pogman & Dirtysnatcha (WI Debut) The Packing House, Lem Banks & Top Shelf (6:30pm) The Winery Bar (Kohler), Matt MF Tyner Trysting Place Pub (Menomonee Falls), Vinyl Road Union Park Tavern (Kenosha), THE Jill Plaisted Band Up & Under, Robert Allen Jr. Band

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 22

1175 Sports Park & Eatery (Kansasville), Krampus Fest 2019 Anodyne Coffee Roasting Co. (Walker’s Point), Paul Cebar Tomorrow Sound Art Bar, Xmas Pajama Party w/The Squeezettes Blu Milwaukee, Evan Christian Bremen Cafe, Tanjiir w/Solar Plexus Cactus Club, Hear Here Presents: Sleepy Gaucho, Big Dill and the Boys, & Stanley Cafe Carpe (Fort Atkinson), Lamplighter: Peter Mulvey, Nickel&Rose & Tommi Zender Caroline’s Jazz Club, Paul Spencer Band w/ James Sodke, Michael Ritter, Andy Spadafora & Michael Pauers Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: The Shackletons w/ Orange Dream (8pm), DJ: WarLock (10pm) Club Garibaldi, Reins Daily release show ComedySportz, ComedySportz Milwaukee!

Company Brewing, Starry Nights 3rd Annual Charity Event w/Bradley, Robot Witch, Whiskey and the Devil & DJ Synthia County Clare Pub & Inn, Hot Club of Milwaukee Crush Wine Bar (Waukesha), David “Harmonica” Miller Quartet w/Joe Turano, Mike Cascio, & Hal Miller Cue Club of Wisconsin (Waukesha), FM Rodeo Final Approach, Larry Lynne Solo Five O’Clock Steakhouse, Rafael Mendez Fox & Hounds Restaurant (Hubertus), Reverend Raven & Chain Smokin’ Altar Boys w/Westside Andy (6pm) JC’S Pub, Audio is Rehab w/Big Rob Nasty Jazz Estate, A Charlie Brown Christmas w/The Commercialists (5pm & 7:30pm), Tim Whalen Quartet (9:30pm) Jazz Gallery Center for the Arts / Riverwest Artists Association, Manty Eliis and the Jazz Foundation Band Just J’s, The Incorruptibles Kick Switch Bar and Grill (Okauchee), Gin Mill Dogs

Circle-A Cafe, Alive at Eight: Edgar Allan Cash (8pm), DJ: Sextor (10pm) Hogger’s Pub (Hartland), Robert Allen Jr. Band Iron Mike’s (Franklin), Sunday Jam w/Rockbound (4pm) J&B’s Blue Ribbon Bar and Grill, The Players Jam Jazz Estate, A Charlie Brown Christmas w/The Commercialists Joe’s K Ranch (Cudahy), Jazz Unlimited Open Jam (1pm) Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Sunday Matinee: JP Cyr & His Midnight Men (2pm)

Riverwest Public House Cooperative, Elevator Trio (5pm) Rounding Third Bar and Grill, The Dangerously Strong Comedy Open Mic Scotty’s Bar & Pizza, Larry Lynne Solo (4pm) Union Park Tavern (Kenosha), Cy’s Piano Jam (4pm)

MONDAY, DECEMBER 23

Cactus Club, Milwaukee Record Halftime Show: King Eye & The Squirts Jazz Estate, A Charlie Brown Christmas w/The Commercialists Linneman’s Riverwest Inn, Poet’s Monday w/ host Timothy Kloss & featured reader Tim Kloss (sign-up 7:30pm, 8-11pm) Mason Street Grill, Joel Burt Duo (5:30pm) Paulie’s Pub and Eatery, Open Jam w/hosts Josh Becker, Annie Buege, Ally Hart or Marr’lo Parada Shakers Cigar Bar, Caribbean Christmas w/Prof Pinkerton’s Irrelevant Orchestra Up & Under, Open Mic

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 24

Brewtown Eatery, Blues & Jazz Jam w/Jeff Stoll, Joe Zarcone & David “Harmonica” Miller (6pm) JC’S Pub, Open Mic w/host Audio is Rehab Jazz Gallery Center for the Arts / Riverwest Artists Association, Tuesday Night Jazz Jam Mason Street Grill, Jamie Breiwick Group (5:30pm) McAuliffe’s (Racine), Jim Yorgan Sextet

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 25

Iron Mike’s (Franklin), B Lee Nelson & KZ Acoustic Jam Kochanski’s Concertina Beer Hall, Polka Open Jam Mason Street Grill, Jamie Breiwick Group (5:30pm) Paulie’s Field Trip, Wednesday Night Afterparty w/Dave Wacker & guests Union Park Tavern (Kenosha), Open Mic with host Mark Paffrath

12/19 Marc Waldoch HOLIDAY SPECIAL

12/26 No 414 Live ENJOY THE HOLIDAY!

D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9 | 35

LAND OF OZ

THEME CROSSWORD

By James Barrick

Complete the grid so that every row, column and 3x3 box contains every digit from 1 to 9 inclusively.

© 2019 United Feature Syndicate, Dist. by Andrews McMeel Syndication

36 | D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9

DOWN 1. Old Greek festivity 2. Clown 3. Singer — Ramazzotti 4. Book cover decoration 5. Sun god 6. Examinations 7. Beam 8. Western Indian 9. Associate as sisters 10. Sees 11. Flows 12. Celtic deity 13. Slippery —

14. Items for cleaning: 2 wds.

15. Kind of number showing place 16. Profit 17. Part of QED 18. — listening 24. Eagles 26. Film — 29. Massive volume 32. Humorous 33. Cure a certain way 34. Quipster 35. At a rapid speed 36. Thirteen: 2 wds.

37. Snoops 39. The Age of Mammals: 2 wds.

40. “Tomorrow” singer 41. Inexorable 43. Dreamlike state 44. Booms and bangs 45. Ascertains 46. Former 49. Golden and Gibson 53. James Dean role 54. Falcon 55. Crude 56. “Hell — no fury...”

58. Cotillion 59. Edible tuber 60. Sea room 62. Ruffles on a blouse

63. Epsom — 64. One of the Titans 65. Ambition 66. Bindlestiff 67. Detaches gradually 69. Tutee 69. Scarf of a kind 71. King or Csonka 72. Sports 75. Supportive ones 76. Domestic workers 77. Saucy quality 79. Liable to taxation 81. — lens 82. Opposed 84. — — avail 86. Quagmire 88. Domain of King Minos 89. Jockey 90. Rested 91. Help in wrongdoing 92. Tale 93. False: Abbr.

94. Group for the likeminded 96. Merriment 97. — vital 98. Kind of trap 100. Park of a kind 102. Unclose, poetically 103. Zuider —

12/12 Solution

WORD FIND This is a theme puzzle with the subject stated below. Find the listed words in the grid. (They may run in any direction but always in a straight line. Some letters are used more than once.) Ring each word as you find it and when you have completed the puzzle, there will be 16 letters left over. They spell out the alternative theme of the puzzle.

Just taking it easy Solution: 16 Letters

© 2019 Australian Word Games Dist. by Creators Syndicate Inc.

71. Of a lung part 72. Wheals 73. Reduce 74. Phair or Vassey 75. Clog 76. Tract of wasteland 77. Cuke or squash, e.g.

78. Assert 80. One-celled organisms 82. Hazard 83. Treason anagram 85. A pronoun 86. Esprit de corps 87. High-class 88. Ill-tempered 90. Dim bulb 91. Neighbors to the east 94. A disgrace 95. Prokofiev’s “Love for Three —” 99. Duped 101. Caprese cheese 104. Icelandic hero 105. Itinerary 106. Swords 107. Form of “John” 108. London gallery 109. Like the proverbial judge 110. Lacks 111. Email instruction

Solution to last week’s puzzle

Arts Baby boomers Ball Bask Bike Bistro BMX CDs Choices Circus Craft Dam Dawn Dolls

Expo Farm Fly Frogs Fun Guns Gym Happy Hats Idle Jog Laps Meals

Music Nature Open Parks Pets Photography Pool Recital Row Run Scuba Show Skate

Sleep Sport Stereo Surf Swings Trail Trees Wade Walk Wash Wisdom Yacht Yoga

12/12 Solution: Hobart is a beautiful town SHEPHERD EXPRESS

Solution: Kick back and relax

ACROSS 1. Like a sleepyhead 5. Falcon-head god 10. Shoe parts 15. Arch 19. Wound with a horn 20. Muse of Greek myth 21. Arroz con — 22. — avis 23. Stratosphere part: 2 wds.

25. Poem by Percy Bysshe Shelley 27. Naris 28. Lutrine creature 30. Resembling Spock’s ears 31. Deputy — Strate 32. Slag 33. Pirouette 34. Telegrams 37. Like a schoolmarm 38. Percussion instruments 42. Prized stones 43. Supermarket sign: 2 wds.

47. Holy Week time 48. Build 49. Trickery 50. Porcine cries 51. Opposite of SSW 52. Diamonds 53. Star in Orion 54. Following 55. Church area 57. Dog at Hades’ entrance 59. — — bourree 60. Barefaced 61. Black, in heraldry 62. One-liners 63. “From — — shining ...”

64. Confuses 66. Things avoided 67. Cruisers 70. Fairytale figure

Creators Syndicate 737 3rd Street • Hermosa Beach, CA 90254 310-337-7003 • info@creators.com

Date: 12/19/19

::NEWS OF THE WEIRD

::FREEWILLASTROLOGY ::BY ROB BREZSNY SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 1933, Sagittarian artist Diego Rivera was commissioned to paint a huge mural in one of the famous Rockefeller buildings in New York City.

His patrons didn’t realize he was planning to include a controversial portrait of former Soviet Communist leader Vladimir Lenin. When the deed was done, they ordered him to remove it. When he refused, they ushered him out and destroyed the whole mural. As a result, Rivera also lost another commission to create art at the Chicago World’s Fair. In any other year, Sagittarius, I might encourage you to be as idealistic as Rivera. I’d invite you to place artistic integrity over financial considerations. But I’m less inclined to advise that in 2020. I think it may serve you to be unusually pragmatic. At least consider leaving Lenin out of your murals.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “People mistake their limitations for high standards,” wrote Capricorn author Jean Toomer. In my astrological opinion, it’s crucial that you avoid doing that in 2020. Why? First, I’m quite sure that you will have considerable power to shed and transcend at least some of your limitations. For best results, you can’t afford to deceive yourself into thinking that those limitations are high standards. Secondly, Capricorn, you will have good reasons and a substantial ability to raise your standards higher than they’ve ever been. So, you definitely don’t want to confuse high standards with limitations.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Historians once thought that 14th-century Englishmen were the first humans to track the rhythms of the planet Jupiter using the complicated mathematics known as calculus. But in 2015, researchers discovered that Babylonians had done it 1,400 years before the Englishmen. Why was Jupiter’s behavior so important to those ancient people? They were astrologers! They believed the planet’s movements were correlated with practical events on earth, like the weather, river levels and grain harvests. I think that this correction in the origin story of tracking Jupiter’s rhythms will be a useful metaphor for you in 2020. It’s likely you will come to understand your past in ways that are different from what you’ve believed up until now. Your old tales will change.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): China produces the most apples in the world. The United States is second. That wasn’t always true.

When Europeans first reached the shores of the New World, crab apple was the only apple species that grew natively. But the invaders planted other varieties that they brought with them. They also imported the key to all future proliferation: honeybees, champion pollinators, which were previously absent from the land that many indigenous people called Turtle Island. I see 2020 as a time for you to accomplish the equivalent, in your own sphere, of getting the pollination you need. What are the fertilizing influences that will help you accomplish your goals?

ARIES (March 21-April 19): The English word “hubris” means prideful, exaggerated selfassurance. In the HBO TV series Rome, the ancient Roman politician and general Mark Antony says to his boss Julius Caesar, “I’m glad you’re so confident. Some would call it hubris.” Caesar has a snappy comeback: “It’s only hubris if I fail.” I’m tempted to dare you to use that as one of your mottoes in 2020, Aries. I have a rather expansive vision of your capacity to accomplish great things during the coming months.

And I also think that one key to your triumphs and breakthroughs will be your determination to cultivate a well-honed aplomb, even audacity.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): For years I’ve lived in a house bordering a wetland, and I’ve come to love that ecosystem more than any other. While communing with reeds and herons and muddy water, my favorite poet has been Taurusborn Lorine Niedecker, who wrote about marshes with supreme artistry. Until the age of 60, her poetic output was less than abundant because she had to earn a meager living by cleaning hospital floors. Then, due to a fortuitous shift in circumstances, she was able to leave that job and devote more time to what she loved most and did best. With Niedecker’s breakthrough as our inspiration, I propose that we do all we can, you and I, as we conspire to make 2020 the year you devote more time to the activity that you love most and do best.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In the English language, the prefix “re” comes at the beginning of many words with potent transformational meaning: reinvent; redeem; rediscover; release; relieve; redesign; resurrect; rearrange; reconstruct; reform; reanimate; reawaken; regain. I hope you’ll put words like those at the top of your priority list in 2020. If you hope to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents, it’ll be a year of revival, realignment and restoration.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): I won’t be surprised if you’re enamored and amorous more than usual in 2020. I suspect you will experience delight and enchantment at an elevated rate. The intensity and depth of the feelings that flow through you may break all your previous records. Is that going to be a problem? I suppose it could be if you worry that the profuse flows of tenderness and affection will render you weak and vulnerable. But if you’re willing and eager to interpret your extra sensitivity as a superpower, that’s probably what it will be.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Does the word “spirit” mean anything to you? Or are you numb to it? Has it come to seem virtually meaningless—a foggy abstraction used carelessly by millions of people to express sentimental beliefs and avoid clear thinking? In accordance with astrological omens, I’ll ask you to create a sturdier and more vigorous definition of “spirit” for your practical use in 2020. For instance, you might decide that “spirit” refers to the life force that launches you out of bed each morning and motivates you to keep transforming yourself into the ever-more beautiful soul you want to become.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “There are people who take the heart out of you, and there are people who put it back,” wrote author Charles de Lint. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, your heart will encounter far more of the latter than the former types of people in 2020.

There may be one wrangler who tries to take the heart out of you, but there will be an array of nurturers who will strive to keep the heart in you—as well as boosters and builders who will add even more heart.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Composer Igor Stravinsky was born a Russian citizen, but later in life became a French citizen and still later took on American citizenship. If you have had any similar predilections, Libra, I’m guessing they won’t be in play during 2020. My prediction is that you will develop a more robust sense of where you belong than ever before. Any uncertainties you’d had about where your true power spot lies will dissipate. Questions you’ve harbored about the nature of home will be answered. With flair and satisfaction, you’ll resolve long-running riddles about home and community.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “Friendship is a very taxing and arduous form of leisure activity,” wrote philosopher and educator Mortimer Adler. He was exaggerating a bit for comic effect, but he was basically correct. We all must mobilize a great deal of intelligence and hard work to initiate new friendships and maintain existing friendships. But I have some very good news about how these activities will play out for you in 2020, Scorpio. I expect that your knack for practicing the art of friendship will be at an all-time high. I also believe that your close alliances will be especially gratifying and useful for you. You’ll be well-rewarded for your skill and care at cultivating rapport.

Homework: Start dreaming about who you can be in 2020. My long-range audio horoscopes are here: freewillastrology.sparkns.com/

Go to realastrology.com to check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes and Daily Text Message Horoscopes. The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at 877873-4888 or 900-950-7700.

::BY THE EDITORS OF ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

Awwww…

I

t’s very cold and very dark, in an existential sort of way, in Minneapolis this time of year. To wit: Cianna Violet, 24, passes by a certain spot near a Broadway Pizza location as she commutes to work. In November, she noticed a yellow traffic pylon with an extra something clinging to the top and pulled over to check it out. It was a rat: dead, frozen, sad.

That is until Tuesday, Dec. 3, when Violet noticed something about the rat had changed.

Sure enough, someone had dressed the little decedent rodent and even remembered accessories, like a tiny silver backpack and furtrimmed boots. The outfit is “100% seasonably appropriate,” Violet told CityPages. “I’m sorry it had to die, but in death, it has brought a reason to smile to hundreds.”

Urban Cowbirds Meanwhile, it’s warm and sunny in Las Vegas, and several pigeons there have been sighted sporting little cowboy hats. On Monday, Dec. 9, KVVU reported that pigeons have been spotted with tiny red cowboy hats on their heads. Mariah Hillman, who runs an animal rescue, at first thought the headwear was cute, but then began to worry about how the hats had been affixed to the birds’ heads. “Did they glue them? Is it something that’s going to impede their flight or attract predators?” she wondered. Hillman and her agency have been handing out business cards and asking people who see the behatted birds to “just feed them until I get there. I’m only three miles away, and I’ll come trap them.”

You’re a Mean One, Mr. Betancourt Marie Bennett, 40, and Joseph Betancourt, 24, of Woodland, Calif., would have made the Grinch proud, but police in Red Bluff weren’t having it. On Thursday, Dec. 5, the two allegedly broke into the Children First Foster Family Agency, where they stole “a large number of toys that were being held there for children for Christmas presents,” police told Fox News. Surveillance video showed the burglars coming and going from the home next door; officers arrested Bennett and Betancourt for burglary, theft and breaking and entering, and they recovered the stolen toys, declaring, “These ‘Grinches’ will not be stealing Christmas from kids on our watch.”

Calling Treebeard The Bosch’s Country View Nursery in Allendale, Mich., is a longtime favorite destination for holiday tree shoppers. But sometime in early December, the Grinch visited, lopping the top halves off more than a dozen trees, according to WZZM13. It takes a fir tree between six and 10 years to grow to the appropriate saleable height, explained owner Brian Bosch. “Somebody had a bad day, I’m assuming,” he said. “I don’t know why somebody would do that.” Bosch did say that the trees might recover, although it would take a few years.

Business with That Personal Touch In Turlock, Calif., mothers became alarmed when a man turned up at their doors, asking for “five strands” of hair and fingerprints from their children in order to collect their DNA. “He said he was with ‘Amber Alert,’” Lauren Hassett told KTXL on Wednesday, Dec. 4, and “that he needed to finish a DNA file” on her daughter. She also said the man asked for her daughter using a name the 13-year-old girl only uses online. Hassett ordered the man off her property and called police, who were later able to catch up with him. Officers said the man’s business was legitimate, but “the manner in which the information was relayed led to some misunderstanding. The involved adult male was passing out child DNA kits, which would be retained by the family, in the event it was ever needed for future investigations.”

Barely There Operation Santa’s Naughty List took place Dec. 3-8 in Polk County, Fla., seeking to target human trafficking and prostitution, and it was beyond successful. Prostitutes who were identified as victims of human trafficking were taken to shelters and offered support services. The sting nabbed 124 people, including 46 would-be customers and numerous others for different crimes. But the standout was surely Rodney Davis, a 56-year-old husband, father and security guard at Disney World, the Tampa Bay Times reported. When Davis showed up to purchase sex from an undercover male detective, he was wearing... nothing, not even socks. © COPYRIGHT 2019 ANDREWS MCMEEL SYNDICATION

D E C E M B E R 1 9 , 2 0 1 9 | 37

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Yule Fool ::BY ART KUMBALEK

I

’m Art Kumbalek and man oh manischewitz what a world, ain’a? So listen, it’s that time of December, again, when I am dutybound to hypothesize that a whole bunch of you’s are likely struck dumb by your lastminute Christmas shopping obligations, as in, “What should I get for whom and which lottery game should I enter so I can pay for it?”

And as always, I will suggest that you give all on your list the gift of laughter ’cause it’s a gift that won’t cost you a focking dime. So you betcha, I’ve decided to reopen Art’s Ba-ding! Boutique, what the fock.

What follows are a couple, three items that may interest you. Feel free to stroll around the page and choose whatever catches your eye.

OK, here’s one for you to try on that’s got a little religious flavor to it—always tasty what with all the baby Jesus-hoopla lathered onto the Yuletide: So this church minister dies and finds himself waiting in line outside the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is this guy wearing jeans, leather jacket, sunglasses and he’s got one of those Mohawk haircuts.

And Saint Peter asks the guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy says to Saint Peter, “You talking to me?

Are you talking to me?” St. Pete says that indeed he is. And the guy says, “Listen, I’m Travis Bickle.

Taxi driver. New York City. Listen you fockers, you screwheads. Like I said, here’s a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit, here is someone who stood up.”

Saint Peter consults his list and says to taxi-driver Bickle, “Take this silken robe and golden staff my son, and enter the Kingdom.”

So now it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect, clears his throat, and with a stentorian boom-of-avoice, pronounces, “I am James Dobnobson, pastor of the All Clean and Righteous Family Saints On High mega-church for the last 43 years.” Saint Pete checks his list, frowns, and says to the minister, “Yeah, OK, you’re in I guess, but here, you take this cotton robe and wooden staff.” Minister says, “Just a minute, there must be some mistake. The man before me was nothing but a taxi driver, and he receives a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”

And St. Peter says, “This is Heaven, sir. Up here, we judge by results. And so I will tell you that while you preached, people slept; and while he drove, people prayed.” Ba-ding!

Let’s visit the Kids Department:

A little kid sits on Santa’s lap and Santa says, “What would you like for Christmas?” Kid says, “A focking swing set.” Santa says, “You’ll have to ask nicer than that if you want Santa to bring you presents.

Let’s try again. What else would you like?” Kid says, “A focking sandbox for the side yard.”

Santa says, “That’s no way to talk to Santa. One more time. What else would you like for Christmas?”

The kid thinks for a minute, says, “I want a focking trampoline in the front yard.”

So Santa lifts the boy off his lap and talks to the kid’s parents. He tells them what the kid said and says, “Best that you don’t get him anything for Christmas except dog-doo. Put a pile of dog-doo in the back yard where he wants the swing set, put another pile in the side yard where he wants the sandbox, and another pile in the front yard where he wants the trampoline.

That should make him change his tune.”

Christmas morning the kid goes downstairs to open his presents and there aren’t any. He runs out the back door, looks around, and comes back in. He runs out the side door, looks around, and comes back in.

He runs out the front door, looks around, and comes back in, shaking his head. His father asks, “Anything wrong, son?”

Kid says, “Yeah. That fat bastard Santa brought me a focking dog, but I can’t find him anywheres.” Ba-ding!

This can be a bittersweet time of year as we remember those no longer with us; so over here I got something to sweeten the stew for you’s: Three friends die in a car crash and find themselves at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. Before entering, they’re each asked a question by St. Peter: “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning, what would you like to hear them say about you?”

First guy answers, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and great family man.” Second guy answers, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and schoolteacher who made a huge difference in the lives of children.”

And the last guy (me) says, “I sure as heck would like to hear them all say... LOOK!!! THE FOCKER’S MOVING!!!” Ba-ding!

Okey-dokey, got to close up shop. Hope you found something you liked, you cheap bastards, ’cause I’m Art Kumbalek and I told you so.

SHEPHERD EXPRESS

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