april
Greenville, SC
free!
skirt!is
www.skirt.com
At last. Daring legs wear ankle socks and high heels.
Spring fever is
contagious. Grass preens in green. Black is
The electric bill is payable. The goldens and labs are back at the farmers’ markets. Dreams of summer tomatoes dance in our heads. Tarmac trumps treadmills. Salads are in, soup is out. There’s a holiday just for jokers. Rabbits lay eggs, and winter dust bunnies come out of hiding. Buddha has a birthday, and Mother Nature has an Earth Day. Convertibles go topless.
Songbirds
party late into the night.
The sign of the yard sale is seen in the land. Buds explode in a big bloom. Shoulders go into sleeveless spring training. Pollen is nature’s sexy come-on, and every time you hear a sneeze, a flower is born.
At last...April.
Cover art by Eva Renes
“In springtime, love is carried on the breeze. Watch out for flying passion or kisses whizzing by your head.” Emma Racine deFleur
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Pelham Road, Greenville, SC
Let’s have a
Vagina Dialogue!
So you’re pregnant, now what? Thanks for your questions. Lots of baby talk last month! Q. I just found out that my husband and I will be having our first baby. Is sex during pregnancy going to hurt our baby? My husband is soooo worried! Help????? A. Congratulations! And yes, you can still continue to be sexually active during the entire course of your pregnancy. It will not cause any harm to your baby. The baby is separated by a “door” from the uterus to the vaginal canal. The door will not be cracked open or damaged with sex during pregnancy. Q. My girlfriends and I read your column last month and wanted to send a question that none of us could agree upon. Which position during sex is the safest during pregnancy? A. Great question and I’m glad we could stimulate some conversation with our column! Being in the right position during pregnancy is important. Here are a few with some suggestions; Sidelying: This is the most comfortable for most people. Lying on the side either front to front or front to back (spooning) is very comfortable. This position keeps the mom off of her back which is safe for the baby. Man on top: The missionary position is ok for quickies but your husband needs to be careful not to put his entire weight on the mommy to be. Also you should not lay on your back for greater than 10 minutes especially during the last trimester to avoid something called Supine Hypotensive Syndrome. Woman on top: Great position without any worries. This keeps the pregnant woman’s pressure off and she can place herself in a comfortable position which helps her and him to both relax and enjoy the moment.
Our Women’s Health Program is available to be of benefit to you durning your pregnancy. Email your question to info@proaxistherapy.com
Offering South Carolina’s only Board Certified Women’s Health Specialists
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Aprilw2010greenville
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Aprilw2010greenville
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april
features
about skirt! Publisher Nikki Hardin editor@skirt.com
Excavation
Greenville Editor Sheril Bennett Turner sheril.turner@skirt.com
Elizabeth Shipley ...................................................................................14
Second Starts
National Art Director Caitilin McPhillips caitilin.mcphillips@skirt.com
Melissa G. Watts ...................................................................................16
Director of Sales Angela Filler angela.filler@skirt.com
Second Starts Lisa Carpenter .......................................................................................18
Sales Executive Kathryn Barmore kathryn.barmore@skirt.com
Second Starts
Graphic Designer Shelli H. Rutland
Lindsey Holder ......................................................................................20
Photographers
Anorexia Mom
John Fowler 864.380.6682 john@johnfowlerphotography.com
Jennie Hart ...............................................................................................26
The F-Word “AreYou Practicing Random Acts of Feminism?”
Stephen Vitosky 864.414.4799 SVitosky@StephenVitosky.com
Anna Mitchael ........................................................................................28
[Evergreen On The Chanticleer Estate Photo] Sheril Bennett Turner Sales 864.357.3669 FAX: 864.751.2815
sheMAIL 1708-C Augusta ST. #335 Greenville, SC 29605
subscribe!
ineveryissue
For a one-year Subscription (12 issues), send a $35 check to: skirt!Greenville 1708-C Augusta ST. #335 Greenville, SC 29605
From the Publisher/Editor...................................................................8 Letters..............................................................................................................9 Calendar......................................................................................................10
skirt! is
Skirt of the Month................................................................................13
all about women... their work, play, families, creativity, style, health and wealth, bodies and souls. skirt! is an attitude...spirited, independent, outspoken, serious, playful and irreverent, sometimes controversial, always passionate.
` He’s So Original with Trey Fouche.............................................22 Products.......................................................................................................25 skirt! Alerts/Brava/It’s a Shame...................................................29 Girl Power with Madelene Elizabeth Tetsch..........................30
skirt.com skirt! is published monthly and distributed free throughout the greater Greenville area. skirt! reserves the right to refuse to sell space for any advertisement the staff deems inappropriate for the publication. Unsolicited manuscripts must be accompanied by a selfaddressed, stamped envelope. Letters to the editor are welcome, but may be edited due to space limitations. Press releases must be received by the 1st of the month for the following month’s issue. All content of this magazine, including without limitation the design, advertisements, art, photos and editorial content, as well as the selection, coordination and arrangement thereof, is Copyright © 2010, Morris Publishing Group, LLC. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this magazine may be copied or reprinted without the express written permission of the publisher. SKIRT!® is a registered trademark of Morris Publishing Group, LLC.
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Aprilw2010greenville
skirt! Loves..............................................................................................31 24/7 with Angie Barnwell Wilkinson..........................................32 Browse..........................................................................................................33 Planet Nikki................................................................................................34
skirt.com
april [ The X Issue ]
your first step.
you were born
two feet
y o u
m e t
y o u r
f i r s t
l o v e
X m a r k s t h e s p ot yo u m e t yo u r n e X t o n e
X marksthe spot you discovered your calling
X
m a r k s
t h e
s p o t
of the next place you’ll land.
skirt.com
Aprilw2010greenville
 
7
from the publisher
cover artist
the X issue
It’s obvious from looking
Since I pulled myself up by the roots and left Kentucky at 17, I haven’t gone back
at her images that Eva Renes
except for vacations, reunions and funerals. But even though I lived in several
definitely has good fashion
places for long stretches of years, none of them ever felt like home. In truth,
sense. Eva studied at the
Kentucky never felt like that either. I was always itching to leave, and I resisted
Academy Italia in Florence where she earned a Master’s Degree in Fashion. Today she works in Germany as a freelance designer and illustrator and creates images for fashion magazines and corporate collateral material.
skirt!
moving back when I was broke and broken after my husband left me with three
Let us know what’s on your mind, respond to an article, or give us info on an upcoming event. Send letters or press releases to sheril.turner@skirt.com, or mail to skirt! Greenville, 1708-C Augusta St. #335, Greenville, SC 29605.
toddlers when we were stationed in the D.C. area. But I traveled back and forth
We are always looking for new writers and artists. Our guidelines for writers and artists are available online at skirt.com. Submit artwork or essays via e-mail to submissions@skirt.com. Check out our website at skirt.com for giveaways, essays, and other extras that aren’t in the print edition.
mind, Kentucky was a bolt hole I could run to, a last resort and yes, a sort of
during those years a lot, returning to collapse with my kids under my mother’s wing for a few weeks and then hauling us all back to Virginia as soon as I started to feel the old familiar claustrophobia induced by towns like Crestwood, Pewee Valley and Floydsburg. I felt so small when I was there, but in the back of my
home. I spent the earliest and happiest part of my childhood in my grandmother’s house there. Built in 1848, the cottage had tall pocket doors, wide plank floors and a woodstove in the kitchen. Sometimes when I’m trying to sleep, I remember how it felt to race down the icy hallway to bed, to be cocooned in quilts that had been warmed in front of the fireplace, to wake to the smell of bacon frying and the farm report on the radio. I’ve always fantasized about buying it and moving
skirt.com Join the fastest growing group of creative bloggers, become a skirt!setter today! Sign up at skirt.com/skirtsetter.
back, being transformed by it into a Nikki who could go home again. When I found out that my aunt had sold the house to a stranger, I was gobsmacked. My fantasy about going backwards in time was truly over. Josephine Hart wrote, “There is an eternal landscape, a geography of the soul; we search for its outlines all our lives.” I know there are some lucky people who find their soul’s home
Got news? Send calendar events to the editor. Inclusion will be based on available space each month.
and never stray, but I’ve accepted I might be one of those who are living in exile, always secretly searching for a place that fits.
Nikki
publisher@skirt.com
from the editor This month for our “X” issue, we feature three women with ex-careers who’ve gone on to new “Second Start” lives. These amazing gals got me thinking about other women I’ve met over the years who’ve made big career switches, myself included. I think it just dawned on us all one day that we were no longer happy, fulfilled, or excited about the occupations that occupied a good chunk of our lives. At the same time, we became conscious of the things that we do like to do and that we are good at; things that fill us with joy and reignite our passions. So we became EXs, but not in the sense of that big red X on a child’s schoolwork that indicates failure. We became EXs that marked the spot for potential change and growth. Because if you aren’t an EX, you can’t expel, expunge, exit out the door, or extract yourself from an ill-fitting existence. Nor can you exult in, excel at, or really enjoy exhibiting an XXX-tremely satisfying life.
❉ skirt .c
skir t.
c
v
it
c
! s u is
❉ skirt .
skirt.com
❉
m
Aprilw2010greenville
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m
o
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sheril.turner@skirt.com
m
Sheril
dearskirt! Does a custom saddlemaker lady qualify as an oddball job? [skirt! March profile theme] I’ve been doing it for
Must haves for Spring
over 30 years and make about a 100
This piece does my heart good! Thanks so much for including Eric and me in your February “I Love You” issue.
saddles a year. I have a saddle shop with my husband, but I am the fitter. We do all repairs, also. There is also a tack store at the shop, and a traveling sales trailer that goes to venues for performance events such as cuttings and barrel racing. Check us out at caldwellsaddle.com.
Colorful flats.
Charon Caldwell Toccoa, GA
Thank you so much for the write up and I picked up copies of the March issue of
exposure for Zebra Dazzle and me in
skirt! Many, many friends have raved
your February issue. The shoot was a
about my profile—everyone loves the
lot of fun and I really enjoyed working
dog!!! I linked on my facebook account
with you! As for Zebra Dazzle, we had to
as well.
push the opening back because Action
Thanks again Dee Culbertson Palmetto Concierge Simpsonville, SC
Video has been slammed with new
This piece does my heart good! Thanks so much for including Eric and me in
opportunities. My hope is that we can have it up and running by May. Thanks Again! Thomas Cabaniss Action Video Productions, Inc. Greenville, SC
your February “I Love You” issue. Brandy Lindsey Spartanburg, SC
My name is Logan Stewart. A dear, dear friend of mine who lives in Simpsonville, Stephanie Benbenek, recently published a memoir, … Keeping Clarke., which is about the untimely death of her son and only child Clarke. Clarke, a Citadel cadet, was killed suddenly in an automobile accident on September 10, 2005, along with two other Citadel cadets along I-95 near Dorchester County on the way to a Citadel football game in Florida. I wanted to see if skirt! might have an
I picked up copies of the March issue of skirt! Many, many friends have raved about my profile—everyone loves the dog!!! I linked on my facebook account as well.
interest in writing something about her
Fabulous bag.
Tall wedges.
and/or getting the book reviewed. It is obviously a tragic story, but she is an incredible woman who wrote this book as a way to help others in similar grief situations live beyond the pain. You can visit keepingclarke.com for more information. Thanks for anything you can do! Logan Stewart Greenville, SC
XX
2222 Augusta Rd., Ste.5,
[ed. note: …Keeping Clarke. was featured in March in the Browse section of skirt! Greenville and as a skirt! Love at greenville.skirt.com]
Have an opinion? Email sheril.turner@skirt.com. All letters to the editor must include the writer’s name and city/state.
Greenville, SC • 864.271.9750
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Aprilw2010greenville
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april Find more events at greenville.skirt.com/event
sunday
monday
tuesday
Coffee should be black as Hell, strong as death, and sweet as love. 4
Celebrate the glory of Easter at the 55th Annual Easter Sunrise Service at Chimney Rock. chimneyrockpark.com
5
Bleacher Boys is the story of five men who shared a common boyhood dream of growing up and playing major league baseball. peacecenter.org The World of Energy is the host site for the Third Annual Pickens, Oconee, Pendleton (POP) Art Exhibit. popstudiotour.com
Thursdays Join the many downtown business people who frequent the Downtown Alive concert series held at the Hyatt Regency Plaza Deck on Main Street each Thursday. greenvillesc.gov Fridays Wind up your workweek listening and dancing to the best in jazz, beach and blues music performed by local, regional, and national talent, at Main Street Fridays. greenvillesc.gov
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The Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater is recognized worldwide for their breathtaking athleticism. Through elegant kinetic artistry, you will be transported, transformed...your eyes opened to the world of dance. peacecenter.org
12 13 Bolder and more freespirited than ever, Sheryl Crow embarks on paths both deeply personal and grandly global on Detours (Interscope/A&M Records). See her live at the Peace Center singing songs from the new album as well as her classics. peacecenter.org
World of Energy Hosts Super Tuesday! Join Seneca wood turner and craftsman, Warren Carpenter, as he demonstrates his art of turning wood into beautiful works of art. Admission: Free. dukeenergy.com/worldofenergy
1-3
~Proverb
Of the 20 most competitive economies in the world, the U.S. is the only one that does not require employers to provide paid sick days. momsrising.org
1
3
9
10
Get ready for the Third Annual Clemson Literary Festival with guests Rachel McKibbens, 2009 Women of the World Poetry Slam Champion, and Jennifer Knox, author of Drunk By Noon and A Gringo Like Me, to name just a few. clemson.edu
8
A pulsating percussion powerhouse in the tradition of Asian drumming groups like Kodo, TAO is an exhilarating treat for the eyes and the ears. peacecenter.org
Fashion Alert! The Zac Posen line for Target hits the stores on April 25. Be ready!
Indoor football returns! It’s Greenville Force VS Louisiana Swashbucklers at the Bi-Lo Center. gvilleforce.com or bilocenter.com
9-24
Sleuth is an intriguing and diabolical mystery, which pits two adversaries in a cat and mouse game of murder. greenvillelittletheatre.org
16
Thursday 15th Grammy®-winning piano pioneer George Winston crafts an evening of beautiful melodies in this special performance. peacecenter.org
Check out Nickelback with special guests Breaking Benjamin and Sick Puppies. bilocenter.com
Don’t miss the Carolina Ballet Theatre’s Emerald Evening 16-18 2010! carolinaballet.org Join us for Baroque and Beyond, a concert Set in Washington, DC in 1865, Our Leading Lady is dedicated to music of about Laura Keene, the British-born stage actress the Baroque period. whose company was performing at Ford’s Theatre the greenvillesymphony.org night Abraham Lincoln was killed. Runs through May 1. or peacecenter.org centrestage.org
★★★★
22
A P R I L C h A L L e n g e April is National Poetry Month, so read a poem at dinner or have everyone bring a favorite to book club. In this month of renewal, we recommend “My Friend Yeshi” by Alice Walker.
We hope that Date Night, the new Tina Fey and Steve Carell movie opening this month, is as funny as the trailer.
TOMS Shoes asks everyone worldwide to go barefoot on April 8th for the day, part of the day, or even a few minutes to experience what millions of children endure regularly. And for every pair of Toms you buy, they donate a new pair to a child in need. onedaywithoutshoes.com
Head to Victoria Place Salon for Girls’ Night Out! Get ready for a evening of Fashion Shows, Hors d’oeuvres, Wine and Door Prizes. Tickets $8 in advance. greerstation.com Get out and Rock the Reedy—a Benefit Concert for Loaves and Fishes. rockthereedy.com or larkinsontheriver.com An estimated one million children, mostly girls, enter the sex trade every year. What if one of them were yours? Let’s get mad on behalf of those who have no power.
27-29
Food For Thought 2010 is where innovation, imagination, and vision merge together in one big thunderstorm of creativity. Don’t miss this catalytic event celebrating the intersection of food, creative thinking, entrepreneurialism, and social responsibility! foodforthoughtconference.com
April
Road Trip Don’t let the men’s teams get all the hype: The NCAA Women’s Final Four Games are April 4 and 6 in San Antonio. Tickets available at ticketmaster.com.
saturday
funday
16-25
The annual Chocolate Soiree offers guests an incredible evening of delicious chocolate confections and delightful entertainment, all benefitting The Children’s Museum of the Upstate. tcmgreenvillesc.org Birdwatcher Alert! Don’t miss Simon Says Guided Bird Walk—Spring Birding at Chimney Rock Park. chimneyrockpark.com
thursday
wednesday
Don’t miss Oliver! The Greer Children’s Theatre is teaming up with Greer Relief to feed the hungry. Please bring a nonperishable food item. greerculturalarts.com
23
Held every two years, the 13th Hope Ball is a blacktie dinner dance benefiting the Cancer Society of Greenville County. cancersocietygc.org Enjoy an evening with storyteller Alexander McCall Smith, author of the wildly popular “The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency” books. peacecenter.org Escape to the circus with Madeline & the Gypsies! Running tonight through May 2. scchildrenstheatre. org or peacecenter.org
Come join us for fun and fitness at the 2nd Annual Clemson Easter Bunny Run 5k & Half Marathon. ebr.eventbrite.com Join Upstate SC USA Dance for Twinkle, Twinkle Little Stars, a benefit for Foster Children of Greenville County and Greenville Shriners Hospital. upstate-usadance.org The Greenville Symphony Orchestra invites you to An Evening with the Maestro. greenvillesymphony.org or peacecenter.org
17
Camperdown Academy, a leading private school for students with dyslexia, will hold their Annual Auction Under the Big Top to benefit their Scholarship Fund. camperdown.org The seventh A Novel Event features the second class of Leaders Are Readers along with auctions, dinner, and dancing. greenvilleliteracy.org Paddle in the annual race at the Dragon Boat Upstate Festival on Lake Hartwell to raise funds for cancer research. Minimum donation is $100. dragonboatupstate.org.
24
Join the TaTa Queens and best-selling author Jill Conner Browne, THE Sweet Potato Queen, for the TaTa Ball, a Royal Cotillion for Queens and their Kings to benefit local breast cancer patients. TaTaQueens.com Get ready for the Greater Greenville Master Gardeners Association’s 2010 ANNUAL PLANT SALE, this year at McAlister Square. greatergreenvillemaster gardener.org
30
Book Your Lunch at Soby’s with New York Times bestselling author Ron Rash, author of Burning Bright, as well as four other prize-winning novels. fiction-addiction.com or bookyourlunch.com Greenville Force VS Columbus Lions at the Bi-Lo Center. gvilleforce.com or bilocenter.com
“In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.” 10
Aprilw2010greenville
skirt.com
~Margaret Atwood
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Delightfully ECLECTIC FURNITURE FROM CHINA AND THAILAND. EACH PIECE HAND-SELECTED.
* downtown greenville * 5K course * 2 mile fun walK * start & finish at fluor field *
for more information or to register online visit: safeharborrunsc.org
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all proceeds benefit:
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Aprilw2010greenville
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Sowing the seeds of
Life
17 Caledon Ct. Ste C Greenville, SC 675 Biltmore Ave. Ste H. Asheville, NC 1330 Boiling Springs Rd. Ste. 2200 Spartanburg, SC
864-232-7734 phone | 866-725-7734 toll free | www.pregonline.com
Traci Daberko is an illustrator and graphic designer in Seattle, WA. See her work at daberkodesign.com.
Cargo Skirt by Svetlana Maiale Boutique • 111 E. Poinsett St., Greer • 864.879.0990
skirt.com
Aprilw2010greenville
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I luxuriate in having exactly what I need and no more—my books, my teakwood desk, my antique glass pen jar.
T
Elizabeth Shipley
here’s a snapshot Erik took of me two days after our wedding. I’m standing outside his mother’s house, wearing disposable coveralls, gloves and a particulate mask. In the background is a dumpster. The ground is thick with dead brown palm fronds. I am beaming at the camera. I wished so much that I could have met Ruth, my mother-in-law. I knew she was a bright, well-traveled woman who never found work to suit her lively intelligence. She was a 1950s housewife fascinated by history and art and ideas. She loved dogs. She suffered from depression and agoraphobia. The day Ruth died, her family just locked up the house and walked away. Now, five years later, it’s still standing empty. Erik worries about it. I worry about him. No one, I think, should have to clear out a parent’s house alone. His brothers are no help at all. “You and I can do it together,” I tell him. “We’ll take a month and just get it done.” And now we’re here. The front door opens into the living room—an ironic name for such an uninhabitable place. I’ve never seen anything like this. There are LPs, stained mattresses, mountains of canned food, ripped cushions, dog crates and hundreds upon hundreds of boxes. All fading back into the darkness. The smell is beyond staleness or rot. It’s the stench of illness, and of time lost. I’d wished for a chance to know my mother-in-law. Now I’m getting my wish, but in the most macabre way. As I dig through her belongings, I feel I’m excavating Ruth herself. Every room in that house—every pile of garbage, every broken sofa—seems saturated with her spirit. Each stratum we uncover reveals more of the woman who raised my husband—a woman whom I will otherwise never know. Obsessive-compulsive hoarding is a lot better known now than it was seven years ago. There’s even a TV show about it. Back then I had no idea that there was a clinical name for what I was looking at. I only knew that Ruth’s house felt like a map of a disturbed mind. Why, I wonder, is the floor of the den covered in newspapers three feet deep? “That’s for the dogs,” Erik explains, as if it makes perfect sense. As we start to hack the newspaper out (a job that requires pickaxes and shovels), clouds of powdered filth fill the air. The whole thing is a petrified mat of paper, urine and excrement. Decades ago, Ruth shut her 18 (20? 25?) dogs in this room and left them to do their thing. When the floor got bad, she simply added another layer of paper. In another room I find notebooks. Boxes of them, all densely filled with faint microscopic handwriting. They’re lists of words. “Oh, Mom was always learning languages,” Erik tells me. Some of the word lists are in English. Others are in Spanish, German, Polish, Norwegian. Clearly the work of an intelligent and gifted person. The thing is, I can’t see anyone actually using them for anything, like studying. They’re barely legible. It’s as if Ruth was collecting words just for the sake of having them.
Further in, there’s a stack of maybe 30 cardboard boxes, wrapped in paper and swathed in packing tape. What was Ruth storing with such special care? Even with my mat knife, it takes a long time to get the first one open. I tear off the paper. Underneath there’s more tape. Then tissue paper. Gently I fold back the layers. Palm fronds. The box is full of dead palm fronds from the yard outside, carefully folded and packed. I spend the next hour cutting open more boxes. They all contain more of the same. As I work, I keep twisting to glance behind me. Back in the den, Erik is crouched on the floor. “We need to go through all this by hand,” he says. I stare. “You mean the whole room? All of it?” “There could be something important buried here,” he says. “Get a bag.” I get a bag. While I try to think what to say, I start sifting. We can’t do this. We’ll never get through it all. This is crazy. I pry up a wad of rat-chewed newsprint. Underneath, gazing up at me, are Erik’s eyes. It’s a photograph, half-buried in the muck. It can’t be Erik, though—the picture is old, taken maybe around 1920. But the resemblance is eerie. Same curly brown hair, same beautiful bedroom eyes. The guy is obviously a relative. Erik has no idea who he is. Later on we show the picture to Erik’s dad. “That’s your Great Uncle Norman,” he says. “He had some problems.” Problems? Apparently Ruth’s uncle committed suicide sometime before the Second World War. I’m sorry to hear it. But what really disturbs me is the vision of my sweetie buried under a pile of garbage in that house. Those eyes, hidden down there for decades. Sad eyes. A genetic heritage. At the end of January we run out of time. We’ve filled part of the dumpster. The rest of the house we leave as it was, relocking the door behind us. Back in our own apartment, our new bedroom is filling up with tools and crates and objects salvaged from neighborhood dumpsters. When I shake out a blanket, clouds of dust and mold fly up. Erik adopts two dogs which are never housebroken. Now I have to wear clogs all day, stepping over puddles on my way to the kitchen. We have flea bites. I offer to do all the cleaning myself. I try to negotiate for one clutter-free room. Once I rearrange a couple of pictures on the wall. Erik is so enraged, he won’t speak to me for a week. He feels that I’m a feckless control freak. I feel that he’s trampling on my human rights. Much as I love him, I’m sliding into chronic depression. Angry depression. Through it all, I have this crazy feeling like Ruth is here with us. Finally, two years later, Erik and I split up. The hoarder crowds his life with trash in an effort to keep other things out of his life—things like spontaneity, and the spiritual intimacy reflected in a shared living space. Love and friendship don’t stand a chance. The need to barricade oneself—literally and psychologically—overrides everything else. I grieved for a long time. But today I’m sitting in a tranquil room full of clean surfaces. There’s open space. There’s sunlight. I luxuriate in having exactly what I need and no more—my books, my teakwood desk, my antique glass pen jar. Best of all, my thoughts have room to spread and blossom. I know Ruth suffered, too. Just as she handed this illness on to her son, someone else handed it to her. She had no say in the matter. It’s not her fault. But a childish part of me—a part peevishly eager to hand out blame—still believes that in that strange suburban excavation, Erik and I dug up a demon.
Elizabeth Shipley is a writer and editor in Santa Cruz, California. She occasionally leaves clothes on the floor. Visit her online at elizabethshipley.com. 14
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Second StartS
Melissa G.Watts | Ex-Sales and Marketing Manager Successful but unfulfilled in her corporate career, Melissa couldn’t shake the inner knowledge that she was supposed to be doing something else with her life. When a session with a renowned hypnotherapist revealed Melissa’s past life experiences, she finally knew what that something else was. Today as a trained hypnotherapist herself, Melissa is helping others realize their own potential life paths through past life regression. “This change was not just good,” she says, “it was phenomenally life changing and soul satisfying. Now my goal is to help as many people as possible realize that the changes/challenges that they see happening in their lives—and even in the world today—are just opportunities and should not be feared.” Read more about Melissa’s multiple starts in her new book, Lessons of Many Lives, which is featured in this month’s “Browse” section. Photo by John Fowler
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Second StartS
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Second StartS
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Anorexia Mom Less is more. Thin is good; skinny is better; gaunt is best.
Jennie Hart
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Anorexia Mom
She’s the child at my breast. Precious baby crying torrentially until my warm, sweet milk soothes and fills her. She’s the toddler clumsily fingering Cheerios and soggy Goldfish, a 10fingered fiddler crab whose reluctant pincers struggle to get these first nibbles into the trap. She’s the grade-school, grilled-cheese aficionado. White bread, please, plastic-wrapped processed American cheese (against my better judgment), smashed flat in the pan till golden brown, smelling of melted butter. She’s the adolescent Thai food fan, the quesadilla queen, the no-problem-with-veggies gal (well, not so hot on Brussels sprouts). Tall and trim, happy and bright-eyed, eager to please, hard-worker, straight-A student, elegant dancer, scrappy basketball star, decent tennis player, well-loved and admired friend. She’s the teenage dream: responsible, no back talk, limited attitude, selfmotivated, passed driver’s test on first try, does laundry (when asked). She’s the kid with a golden heart, and—at a regular check-up—a heart rate of 38, which earned her a hospital admission ticket and a presumed diagnosis of anorexia nervosa. I was her shocked and terrified mom. How had this happened on my watch, as I flipped pancakes on Saturdays, buttered grilled cheeses at lunch and cooked roast chicken dinners? When did her BMI sneak off the exit ramp, heading south, while I kept going, complacently oblivious? What goes on in a young girl’s brain, when hunger pangs for M&Ms and ice cream, attention and control, glamour and acceptance, all turn into a gnawing and dangerous jumble of mixed messages, with one overarching and undeniable proclamation: Less is more. Thin is good; skinny is better; gaunt is best. I’m still tripping over these questions, fortunately, now, from what seems like a safer place. Thanks to the cautious and attentive care of her pediatrician and others, my daughter rebounded quickly, and well. Calories hold power. With a few added pounds (amazing what peanut butter and Chick-fil-A milkshakes can do) her heart rate is robust and no longer at risk of tipping into the danger zone. We were lucky: She responded willingly, without rebelling and doesn’t seem to have a distorted body image or to be withholding food. We’re still a bit baffled at how we got to that scary precipice, peering over a steep cliff into the treacherous chasm of anorexia. Chalk it up to misguided naiveté on her part, coupled with aggressive athletic goals, and a mom who feared that being nosy and pushy about her eating habits would trigger a worse backlash. My daughter skirted by without earning an eating disorder diagnosis. No DSMIII code, no label, no stigma, no whispers in the school hall, no quiet shame with deafening reverberations. Yet while she may have been dangerously naïve, I no longer will be. I can’t afford to be. I can still tap into the fear and uncertainty I felt those first nights after leaving the hospital, coming home and crying a desperate “No, no!” into my pillow, too exhausted and worried to sleep. Too haunted by images of what might lay ahead—my beautiful girl, skeletal and starving before my very eyes. Too aware of how a friend’s daughter, another stellar, smart, lovely young woman with the world at her feet, ended up in an intensive treatment program, clinging to life. I admit I’m relieved to be off the hook, untarnished by the title of “Anorexia Mom” (no bumper stickers for that, unlike branding ourselves “Soccer Mom” or “Karate Mom”) and the racking guilt it would imply. An eating disorder is an illness, a disease; I know this. I heard the doctor loud and clear when he said that anorexia has the highest mortality of all psychiatric illnesses. Yet I also know I wouldn’t have this ambivalence if I had a diabetic child, or a child with seizures; I’m not proud of this. But I am complicit, and you probably are too. Forty-two percent of first- through third-grade girls don’t wish they could be thinner just by chance (according to the National Eating Disorder Association). Every time I glance in the mirror and suck my tummy in, or think my thighs could be trimmer, or pass judgment on another woman’s svelte (or not-so-svelte) silhouette, I am an anorexia mom. We all are. It takes a village. If my child is ever hooked up to a heart monitor again, I hope it will be to measure her pulsing love of life. The next time she gets on a scale, I hope she sees a bigger number as confirmation of growing into her limitless self. The next time I meet a parent whose child has struggled with an eating disorder, or has worried that his or her child may have one, I’ll nod and listen with no shame—only empathy, only hope. We’re members of the same non-exclusive club; the admission criterion does not discriminate. Jennie Hart is a Writer Mom, Soccer Mom, Yoga Mom, Biker Mom, Obama Mama and Advocate Mom (and she encourages you to be one too: nationaleating disorders.org). She is not a Hockey Mom.
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Are You PrActicing rAndom Acts of feminism? Anna Mitchael
“mY thighs mAY not be skinnY enough
I’m not a bra burner. I’ve never stood in a picket line. And the only organization of which I’m a card-carrying member is the discount club at my grocery store. It’s not that I advocate apathy—far from it; I believe every person should take active interest in the social and political issues of the day. But over time I’ve come to notice I’m more apt to write a 2,000-word blog entry about my favorite lipstick getting discontinued than to post about the health care debates. I vote in every election and do my best to stay up-to-date with current affairs. If you’ll believe it, I even manage to pay my taxes on time and floss regularly. I simply don’t feel that being a good citizen (or person) requires being the loudest one in the room. If asked, I would hesitate to label myself a “feminist” in casual conversation. But when left to the regular occurrences of everyday life, my thoughts, actions and deeds make quite apparent where I stand on issues for women. I like to think that my subtle approach to making myself heard is an effective choice. Brute force isn’t the only way to move the needle on the scale; slowly cajoling that sucker can get the job done as well. “Random acts of kindness” has become a common phrase in pop culture, oft mentioned as a way to inspire change through actions that catch people by surprise. The idea is that one small act can lead to many. Then that many acts of kindness can come together to make a better, friendlier place for all of us to co-exist. Without realizing the copycat I’d become, I found I’d taken the random acts concept and applied it to my own subtle—yet steady and forward-moving—approach to feminism. Yes, there are picket lines that need (wo)manning, and bravo to those who answer that particular call. But I happen to know, for a fact, there are also large and small battles that can be waged and won every time we step out our front doors. I’d recently noticed that when my boyfriend and I dined together in restaurants, it was quite common for the server to automatically hand him the bill. Of course I don’t think every server is trying to make a political statement with this action, so there’s no need to get aggressive. When this happens I like to smile and reach out to take the check from my boyfriend’s hand while the server is still watching. Then I make a point to say that in our relationship, all duties, financial and otherwise, are shared equally. If one out of every five or six servers gets the message, then my duty is done. My thighs may not be skinny enough for fashion magazines to photograph, but that doesn’t stop me from leaving the house in leggings on any day that the mood strikes me. Perhaps this doesn’t count as feminism to you, but if it’s a small act of standing up for myself and what makes me feel good—regardless of whether I’m a size 4 or size 14—and so in my book it is classified as a step forward for women. A friend on Facebook goes from “in a relationship” to “single”? I’m going to remind her (and everyone in her news feed) that the world is the single girl’s oyster—everyone deserves a “like” now and then on the changes in their lives, especially when those changes might feel isolating up against the legions of baby pictures being posted on Fertilitybook—oops, I mean Facebook—every day. When it comes to my random acts of feminism, I operate under the old words of wisdom that a person will catch more flies with honey than vinegar. After all, feminism has gotten a bad rap over the years as being a club of angry women, when actually, it’s more like a band of diverse people fighting for goals with a common end: to make sure every woman is treated with equality. My random acts of feminism are my own contribution to those efforts. Not every member of the club has to carry a card to know she’s making a difference in the end.
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fAshion mAgAzines to PhotogrAPh, but thAt doesn’t stoP me from leAving the house in leggings on AnY dAY thAt the mood strikes me.
Anna Mitchael is the author of Just Don’t Call Me Ma’am, your soon-to-be favorite book that was just recently released by Seal Press. She chronicles her daily life in Texas (with a side of extra-spicy jalapenos, please) on annamitchael.com/happinessproject.
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skirt.com
grab your digital camera on April 10 for Seek and Snap, a family-friendly scavenger hunt to raise money for Let
u A ten-year-old girl
u Senate Majority
received one of Canada’s
Leader Harry Reid
highest honors this year
oversimplified a rise
for saving her mother’s
in domestic violence
life in 2007 after she had
by saying, “Men, when
fallen through the frozen
they’re out of work, tend
ice of a lake.
to become abusive.”
There Be Mom, an organization that helps moms when they, or their child’s father, are diagnosed with a life threatening illness. LetThereBeMom.org
lace up your running shoes for Safe Harbor’s 9th Annual Harbor Run against domestic violence on April 17.The family-oriented 5k and 2-mile walk/fun run will again weave through downtown Greenville… with prizes for all winners. safeharborrun.org
walk
Guess we should give up
v Two Ohio teenagers
our jobs to men for our
personally attended
own safety.
their district’s school board meeting to plead
v Who was missing
for comprehensive sex
at the 2010 Olympics in
education. Seventeen-
Vancouver? Women ski
year-old Daniel Sparks
jumpers. Ski jumping is
and 16-year-old Jelena
the last remaining sport
Loncar criticized the
of the Olympics that bars
abstinence-until-marriage
women from competing.
lessons taught by
w Rush Limbaugh, in
Operation Keepsake.
response to critics who
w After two
said he hasn’t been a
broadcasters questioned
supporter of women,
Olympian Johnny Weir’s
responded by saying,
sexuality and gender
“I love women. I love the
identity and argued that
women’s movement—
his flamboyance would
especially when walking
deter men from taking up
behind it.”
skating, Weir held a press conference and stated:
the walk on April 17 in
“I think masculinity is
support of South Caro-
what you believe it to
lina families affected
be. There’s a whole new
by autism in Strides for
generation that aren’t
Autism. Supporters un-
defined by their sex or
able to participate
their race or who they
in an actual walk
like to sleep with.”
can participate virtually through the event’s website, scautism.org/strides.
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Aprilw2010greenville
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Madeline’s best friend describes
Madelene Elizabeth Tetsch
her as cognizant and intriguing. You could even say she’s cut from a different cloth. Or, that she cuts cloth differently as in the case of the bookmarks Madelene designs and sells made from scrap canvas from her mother’s business, CanvasOne. Only a sophomore at Wade Hampton High, Madelene has no idea what she wants to do as far as a career goes but admits, “I’d like to learn as much about this world as I possibly can.” On the way to that aspiration, this creative teen enjoys drawing, reading, dancing, theatre, and cross-county
“I write most everything down.” running. Oh, and writing…
Photo by Sheril Bennett Turner
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skirt.com
biggreenegg.com
“It would take an XL rabbit to leave the
Big Green Egg grill on my doorstep this month.” Nikki Hardin, skirt! Publisher
welove “Eco-friendly and adorable, these wooden greeting cards from gretchenandgrace.com (owned by a local gal) are made from sustainably harvested wood. Happy 40th Anniversary Earth Day!” Sheril, Editor
“These fabulous hot pink Randi Rain Boots by Kate Spade will help keep my tootsies dry during the April showers that will surely bring May flowers!” Kathryn, Sales Executive
2 “Having recently promised my daughter a room redecoration, I was thrilled when these Chinese kites from Trade Route caught her eye.They are colorful, fun, and affordable!” Angela, Director of Sales
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“I love Alice Supply Company’s bright products— they even make chores cheerful.” Caitilin, skirt! Art Director
1 skirt.com
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TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN WITH...
Angie Barnwell Wilkinson | Consigning Woman My work: Co-owner and manager of L’s Fine Consignment on Augusta.
Last major purchase: My little dog Zebedee—he’s priceless!
The best thing I ever won: Independence and self-confidence.
My passion: 20s fashions— I used to be a vintage clothing dealer.
Something most people don’t know about me: I’m English. Sometimes I actually speak with my accent!
If I could be totally wild, I would: Dress like I was sixteen again—and not be shy about it.
My theme song: “These are a few of my favorite things...” I can’t live without: Post-it notes! Right now I’m reading: Augusten Burroughs’ Memoirs.
Best one-liner you ever heard: “Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.” ~ Mae West The food I never want to eat again: Wasabi! And raw shellfish. I love: Hitting estate sales on Saturdays.
Photo by Sheril Bennett Turner
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I am most proud of: My Mum. She raised five of us and kept her sanity! Favorite website: Ours, of course. LsConsign.com. Read more at greenville.skirt.com
Visit
This issue of skirt! was put together to the sounds of: The Magician’s Private Library Holly Miranda The Open Road John Hiatt Clear Mind Wild Heart David Whyte Genuine Negro Jig Carolina Chocolate Drops
UnhappyHipsters.com made us laugh knowingly (after all, we’re hip!), all the while secretly wishing we had those problems and that furniture.
Listen Get in on the beginning of the Spilled Milk podcasts which promise to combine food and comedy in a bowl and stir it up until it explodes. Molly Wizenberg, author of A Homemade Life, is one of the hosts. Subscribe free at spilledmilkpodcast.com.
Page Turners Lessons of Many Lives Melissa Watts with Karen Frazier
Sensitive to the energy of others as a child, Melissa always wondered about the purpose of her life. Through past life regression she encounters her Spirit Guide, ALL, who illuminates her past and guides her towards the future.
Watch In a passionate talk called “Embrace Your Inner Girl,” Eve Ensler declares that there is a girl cell in us all—women and men—one that we have all been taught to suppress. We think she’ll make a believer out of you, your daughters and the men in your lives. Find it at ted.com.
Sheril Bennett Turner, Editor
Click Can you make a perfect egg, sharpen a knife, season an iron skillet? Mighty Girl has a list of “100 Skills Everyone Should Master.” See what you need to learn at mightygirl.com/2009/12/30/100-skills-everyone-should-master.
Order Buy an Inspiration Deck from author Christine Mason Miller and draw a new card each day—or tuck them in lunch boxes, coat pockets, letters and suitcases. 42 cards for $12 at swirlygirl.etsy.com.
THE ExES Mix Changed the Locks Lucinda Williams Here Without You 3 Doors Down i’m Losing You John Lennon Cry, Cry, Cry Sally Timms i’m a Fool to Love You Frank Sinatra
“...reads more like a novel than nonfiction.
Aprilplaylist
Game Change: Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime John Heilemann, Mark Halperin
This book about the 2008 presidential election reads more like a novel than nonfiction. I was riveted to the behind-the-scenes story even though I knew the ending! Nikki Hardin, Publisher
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planetnikki [ a visual journal ]
Our local roller derby team is so cool. If I were young and fearless enough to crack the whip, I’d pick Tanya Hardin or The Bluegrass Bomber as my player name.
I’m fascinated by globes and maps right now. The Orion by Replogle lights up, but I’d rather have a vintage WWII-era globe.
a change of scenery Sometimes I feel like I’m impersonating myself. Following a script I know by heart, playing a role that has become second nature. I need a new plot (what if...?), new dialogue (words that come from some unexpected, unexcavated deep feeling), fresh characters (bring on a hero and a kindly guru), new scenery (rolling hills, English sheep, a ruined tower in the distance). A poet I love says that sometimes you have to arrange to get sick of yourself before you can change your life. You don’t even have to go on location or have a deus ex machina—I think it can happen quietly from the inside out and transform the whole outline or outcome of your story.
I’m hoping that the Peonies and Polaroids Etsy shop will reopen soon, because I’m craving a set of these tiny prints to string up in my office. And you can choose the prints you want from her contact sheet.
At least, I hope so.
This is what my house, called the Happy Shack by my daughters, looks like when it’s ready for a good time. Counting the days ’til a porch party.
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These pages in my idea book represent two opposed sides of me: inner peace minimalist and over-the-top hippie chick. Not sure they can be reconciled in one room.
Consignment Chic
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