august
Greenville, SC
free!
skirt!is
www.skirt.com
Summer’s production of Fantasy Island is almost over. Bosses are talking bottom line.
Teachers
sense the tang of chalk instead of salt water.
Kids have one more shot at shorts before they fade into uniform anonymity.
Our dreams
of fitting into bikinis can be thankfully packed away for another year. That summer lifeguard you crushed on just looks
ordinary in street clothes. Your
flip-flops are blown out, and your “sun kissed” highlights have grown out.
August is a preview o f S e p t e m b e r ’s re a l i t y s h o w,
starring homework, pay cuts, oil spills, working for The Man and working out on the treadmill. But you still have one more month of barbecue nights, summer whites, bug bites and sprinkler fights. And who needs a bikini for skinny dipping in moonlight? Cover copy by Nikki Hardin, art by Daria Jabenko
“The summer night is like a perfection of thought.” Wallace Stevens
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Augustw2010greenville
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|
Pelham Road, Greenville, SC
Calling ALL Women!
The Women’s Health program at Proaxis Therapy is designed to the meet the individual needs of women in all phases of life. From new mothers to fast-paced career women to distinguished grandmothers, our Women’s Health Specialists are here as your lifelong resource! As women, it’s easy to ignore our own health and focus on the needs of others in our lives. We’re women and that’s what we do! Do yourself a favor and read the rest of this ad.
• Do you have pelvic pain or pressure that interferes with your daily activities or sex life? • Are you pregnant and having pain? • Can you remember a time not being able to make it to the bathroom? • Do you leak urine when you cough, sneeze or exercise? • Do you suffer from constipation? • Are you a new mother struggling with pain or incontinence? • Do you have pain in your abdomen after a C-section or just want to learn how to get those abdominal muscles back in shape?
If you answered YES to any of these questions, it’s time for you to talk with one of our Women’s Health Specialists. You can email your questions to info@proaxistherapy.com OR
Meet us in person at the Upstate Women’s Show – Booth #154 August 26-28 Carolina First Center Greenville, SC
Offering South Carolina’s only Board Certified Women’s Health Specialists
1.87 7 . 6 7 7 .6 2 9 4 e x t .3 • w w w .pr oax ist h e r apy . c o m skirt.com
Augustw2010greenville
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ee
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Women’s
ow Sh
Upst at
presents
n vil
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August 26-28 Carolina First Center
Shopping • Ent erta i nment • Cooking • Fashion G arden ing T i p s • F ood & Wi ne • Appr ais als Mone y-S av ing Ide as • M a keov ers • And Mor e ! Bring 5 canned goods for Harvest Hope Food Bank and receive $2 off one Adult Ticket!
“The Lee Brothers”
“Unforgettables” Fashion Show
Leanne Ely, “The Dinner Diva”
Tickets: $8 adults, $4 kids age 2-12
The Carolina Ballet Theatre
Norma Jean and Dot Philpot
Hours: Thurs. 12-8pm, Fri. & Sat. 10am-8pm
w w w. Up s tat e W o m en s Sh o w. c o m 4
Augustw2010greenville
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WHAM Auctions Appraisals
Produced by
Sowing the seeds of
Life
“I still have my feet on the ground. I just wear better shoes.” -Oprah Winfrey
John E. Nichols, MD John F. Payne, MD Providing treatment for infertility including inseminations, In Vitro Fertilization, and Tubal Reversals. 17 Caledon Ct. Ste C Greenville, SC 675 Biltmore Ave. Ste H. Asheville, NC 1330 Boiling Springs Rd. Ste. 2200 Spartanburg, SC 2222 Augusta Rd., Ste.5, Greenville, SC • 864.271.9750
864-232-7734 phone | 866-725-7734 toll free | www.pregonline.com
Be as beautiful as you ar are. BEFORE
AFTER
www.BiltmoreLift.com
The Biltmore Lift is a minimally invasive facelift and necklift proce-dure performed under local anesthesia in our office. This unique experience is comfortable and private, and our patients avoid the major surgery, prolonged recovery, and prohibitive costs of traditional procedures. Most importantly, our final results are natural and never overdone. Dr. Harley’s “Before and After” photographs speak for themselves. We invite you to visit our web site or office to view these photographs and witness firsthand what this and other procedures can do for you.
For a personal interview, call (864) 232-2332
skirt.com
Augustw2010greenville
5
august
features
about skirt! Publisher Nikki Hardin editor@skirt.com
40 Days Jen Rognerud............................................................................................14
Greenville Editor Sheril Bennett Turner sheril.turner@skirt.com
“5 things I’ve learned in life...”
National Art Director Caitilin McPhillips caitilin.mcphillips@skirt.com
Rhonda Gushee......................................................................................16
Director of Sales Angela Filler angela.filler@skirt.com
“5 things I’ve learned in life...” Sarah Day Hurley..................................................................................18
Sales Executive Kathryn Barmore kathryn.barmore@skirt.com
“5 things I’ve learned in life...”
Graphic Designer Shelli H. Rutland
Dawn Hilton-Williams........................................................................20
Photographers
Four Birds
John Fowler 864.380.6682 john@johnfowlerphotography.com
Elizabeth Shipley.....................................................................................24
The Summer of ’82
Sheril Bennett Turner
Stephanie Hunt .....................................................................................26
Sales 864.357.3669 FAX: 864.751.2815
sheMAIL 1708-C Augusta ST. #335 Greenville, SC 29605
subscribe! For a one-year Subscription (12 issues), send a $35 check to:
ineveryissue
skirt!Greenville 1708-C Augusta ST. #335 Greenville, SC 29605
From the Publisher/Editor...................................................................8 Letters..............................................................................................................9 Calendar......................................................................................................10 skirt! is
Skirt of the Month................................................................................11
all about women... their work, play, families, creativity, style, health and wealth, bodies and souls. skirt! is an attitude...spirited, independent, outspoken, serious, playful and irreverent, sometimes controversial, always passionate.
He’s So Original with Fred Caesar..............................................22 Products.......................................................................................................25 skirt! Alerts/Brava/It’s a Shame...................................................29 Girl Power with Brianna Wood....................................................30
skirt.com skirt! is published monthly and distributed free throughout the greater Greenville area. skirt! reserves the right to refuse to sell space for any advertisement the staff deems inappropriate for the publication. Unsolicited manuscripts must be accompanied by a selfaddressed, stamped envelope. Letters to the editor are welcome, but may be edited due to space limitations. Press releases must be received by the 1st of the month for the following month’s issue. All content of this magazine, including without limitation the design, advertisements, art, photos and editorial content, as well as the selection, coordination and arrangement thereof, is Copyright © 2010, Morris Publishing Group, LLC. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this magazine may be copied or reprinted without the express written permission of the publisher. SKIRT!® is a registered trademark of Morris Publishing Group, LLC.
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skirt! Loves..............................................................................................31 24/7 with Jacqui Bomar......................................................................32 Browse..........................................................................................................33 Planet Nikki................................................................................................34
skirt.com
august [ the numbers Issue ]
I
g av e
h I m
more chance
I swear It’s the next to last
her hairdresser
The unkindesT cuT of all
My favorIte
3
soMe Is
vanilla, chocolate, strawberry Isn’t there a pill for that? As usuAl, I wAs the 5th wheel. I’m the lAst sIngle AlIve H i s e x s ay s H e ’ s a n o l d s o u l — 6 6 6 t o b e e x ac t
What’s betWeen
7th heaven and Cloud 9? Ask The Magic
8
Ball
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Augustw2010greenville
7
from the publisher
cover artist Illustration, for Daria J a b e n ko, i s i n s p i r i n g a wo r l d o f d r e a m s . E ve r y i l l u s t r a t i o n h a s a p e r s o n a l i t y. T h e p a l -
got news? Let us know what’s on your mind, respond to an article, or give us info on an upcoming event.
ette of colors can be
Send letters or press re-
sensuous and complex
leases to sheril.turner@skirt.
or sleek, simple and
com, or mail to skirt!
g l e a m i n g , b u t a b o ve
Greenville,
all, unexpected, potent
1708-C Augusta St. #335,
a n d c r e a t i ve l y a m b i -
Greenville, SC 29605.
t i o u s . T h e i n ve n t e d wo r l d s h o u l d b e a p l a c e t o g o t h a t ’s f a m i l i a r, a l m o s t n o s -
contribute
n e w. H e r m a i n o b j e c t i ve i s t o p ro vo ke
Our guidelines for
p o s i t i ve f e e l i n g s a n d a
writers and artists are
better mindset in the
available online at skirt.com.
audience . Daria cre-
Submit artwork or essays
ates most of her illus-
via e-mail to submissions@
trations by hand using
skirt.com. Check out our
gouache medium in
website at skirt.com for
combination with ink
giveaways, essays, and other
a n d w a t e rc o l o r. H e r
extras that aren’t in the
clients include Condé
print edition.
N a s t G e r m a n y, C o s m o politan, Cunard Cruise Lines, Grand Canyon R a i l w ay a n d o t h e r s .
I don’t have a role model for growing older in this confusing era of Demi Moore’s Dorian Gray act. My mother and aunts didn’t seem to worry about being sexy or sexual—they just got tighter perms and bigger granny pants, and they certainly never exercised. In some ways, the options for how they aged were mercifully more limited. We may have better information on staying healthy than they did, but the traditional life passages they went through are all mixed up now. Women are getting married later, having children when they’re
We are always looking for new writers and artists.
t a l g i c , ye t s t r a n g e a n d
the Numbers issue
distribute Need additional copies of skirt!? If you would like to
older, staying on the job longer, working out harder. Dr. Oz’s scary RealAge.com test can tell me how old I am biologically, but that doesn’t help me figure out how or whether to act my age. Am I supposed to be on the prowl or put out to pasture? Should I be a wise elder stateswoman in floaty tunics and politicallycorrect gray hair, or should I get a crew-cut, dye it platinum and never give up my jeans? I feel half my age after a spinning class, but too old to stay up for a concert that starts at 11pm. Within the space of a day, I can go from being convinced I’m irrelevant to boiling over with inspiration and ideas. And then there’s always the nagging feeling when I look in the mirror that my lips should be plumper. So I don’t know if I’m a prime number or a mere fraction of what I used to be. And according to this old-age new math, when I’m 80, will Demi Moore be 14?
have copies of skirt! in your business, give us a call.
Nikki
publisher@skirt.com
from the editor This month, for The Numbers Issue, we feature three local go-getting gals who were kind enough to share five of their life lessons with us. This, of course, got me to thinking about things I’ve learned during my brief time on this planet. Here’s a few: 1. KISS—Keep It Simple, Stupid—is something I aspire to and wish everyone else would too. 2. Much like carrying an umbrella when rain showers threaten, if you want to avoid unannounced company, keep your house clean and your bra on. 3. If we couldn’t laugh about things, we’d all end up killing each other. 4. At any given point, my life can be explained in a bumper sticker. (Honk if you know what I mean.) 5. Yes. As a matter of fact, I am always right. (To my husband.) To be honest, the only thing I’ve really learned in life is that I have a number of things left to learn. How about you? Share some of your life lessons by emailing me at the address below.
❉ skirt .c
❉
skir t. c
v
it
c
! s u is
❉ skirt .
skirt.com
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m
Augustw2010greenville
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o
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sheril.turner@skirt.com
m
Sheril
dearskirt!
O
Ahh, the June issue. The breath of my prayers, camaraderie of my thoughts, tears and laughter…In the afterglow of a great day, I phoned my daughter to
...because I live in the South it doesn’t mean that I need to stay quiet about my beliefs!
share the joyous find of skirt!. Thanks
I just finished reading your “The
liberal perspective to another level.
F-word” letter from the publisher in
For instance, the “It’s a Shame” is
the July skirt!. I want to applaud you
always about a Republican! I’m sure
for printing what I would have loved
Sen. Barbara Boxer hasn’t always said
to have vocalized during the election
wonderful things about Carly Fiorina,
primaries (…at least to more than just
either. As a conservative woman in the
my husband). I was starting to feel like
Richmond area, I would love to see a
nobody here gets the big picture, and
more balanced representation of both
you have refreshed my belief that just
parties.
because I live in the South it doesn’t mean that I need to stay quiet about my beliefs! Thank you! Marium Faulkner Greenville, SC
Great issue [July]! I love skirt!. I look forward to the next month just to read it. The friendship story in this issue on domestic violence was really eye opening [“One Last Heart-to-Heart,” Stacy Appel]. Crystal Driver Memphis,TN
Just finished reading the last issue of skirt! and have to say I absolutely loved it [July]. The focus on the young women in our community has been particularly refreshing. These past few issues
for the getaway, page for page, and the joy that stayed. Valerie Shelton Walkertown, NC
“Fall” into fashion at cocobella featuring these fabulous designers
I love your magazine and I am open to other people’s viewpoints. However, I feel that skirt! is starting to push its
Erica Heinrich Richmond,VA
Just finished reading the last issue of skirt! and have to say I absolutely loved it [July]. The focus on the young women in our community has been particularly refreshing.
have been particularly interesting and empowering. My only regret is that it only comes out once a month. Pam Kischuk Knoxville,TN
New looks for Fall arriving each week – stop in today!
Love, love, love your magazine. skirt! Loves is the first place that I go and inevitably I end up going out and buying at least one of the items—either for myself, or as a gift. Love that section and all of the products featured are very helpful for fresh new ideas or help.
Me 1st
The articles are great and the He’s So Original feature is so much fun. Keep up the good work. Di Allgood Knoxville,TN
Have an opinion? Email sheril.turner@skirt.com. All letters to the editor must include the writer’s name and city/state.
21-C Augusta St. 3730 Pelham Rd. West End, Greenville Downtown 864.676.1900 Greenville Mon. - Fri. 10 – 6 864.283.0989 Saturday 10 - 4 Mon. - Sat. 10 – 6 www.cocobellaboutique.net skirt.com
Augustw2010greenville
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august sunday
monday
thursday
wednesday
tuesday
1
Coaches needed for Girls on the Run! You don’t need to be a runner, just enthusiastic about the healthy development of young girls. Training sessions are Aug 1 or 22, 8:30am-5pm. To register, call 455.3252.
5 Cocktail stirrers double as hair sticks.
There are fun things to do all year at the south Carolina Botanical Garden— from adult education classes to children's programs to nature walks and museum Explore Biltmore’s new Antler Hill Village, tours—the sCBG has a fun and relaxing something to suit evplace for dining, shop- ery interest. 656.3405 ping, entertainment and historical exhibits. biltmore.com
Twist and stick!
5-21
Women comprise about 20% of the world's more than 1 billion smokers.
See Rock City is a tender portrayal of married life set against the background of sweeping global change, showing the best of the human spirit and its ability to overcome all obstacles. centrestage.org
14
10-12
Direct from Harlem’s world famous Apollo Theater in New York City, a sensational new stage production of Dreamgirls comes to Greenville! dreamgirlsonstage.com
We think this return address stamp that is hand-calligraphied and made into a graphic is a house-warming gift that will stand out. primele.etsy.com 19
Part of the Artists in Action series, artist Pat Kilburg demonstrates the ancient art of encaustic, a technique of painting with pigments dissolved in hot wax. Admission is free. greenvillemuseum.org
Cover the door of your home office with whiteboard paint and use it as a giant idea catcher and to-do list. Idea Paint works with any dry-erase marker and can be painted over. Get inspired at ideapaint.com.
[Shown Self-Portrait in Mirrors, 1931 by Ilse Bing]
Take a road trip! The Asheville Wine & Food Festival brings together wineries, chefs, and food producers in a series of wine tastings and gustatory events to showcase regional flavors—all to benefit Slow Food Asheville and RiverLink. ashevillewineandfood.com
E Ts y F In D
Au g u s t
Pictures by Women: A History of Modern Photography (200 Works by 120 Artists) closes at the Museum of Modern Art in NYC on August 30. Can’t make it? Buy a copy of Modern Women: Women Artists at The Museum of Modern Art.
1
Relish the last days of summer! Enjoy Irish and Appalachian instrumental music during Music in the Galleries. greenvillemuseum.org Dairy Queen hosts the 5th Annual Miracle Treat Day in the U.S. with $1 or more from every Blizzard® sold at participating locations on that day donated to Children's Miracle Network.
ChAllenge
In norway, 80% of norwegian women work outside the home, and half the current government’s ministers are female.
saturday
funday
20-21
21
They’re fast, they’re funny, and they’re only $8. Don’t miss Studio 444’s From Russia With Laughs, three hilarious short plays that all together last about an hour, followed by an hour with The Laughing Stock Improv Group. greenvillelittletheatre.org
In its ninth year, the Greenville Literacy Association’s The Really Good, Really Big, Really Cheap Book Sale helps create awareness about low literacy rates in Greenville County. greenvilleliteracy.org
21-24 Fluor Field at the West End explodes when Greenville Drive meets the Charleston River Dogs! greenvilledrive.com
Check out the views! At 3,554 feet, sassafras Mountain is the highest point in south Carolina, with views of four states:Tennessee, north Carolina, sC and Georgia. 836.6115
The August sun can be brutal. Don`t forget sprayon sunblock for hard-toHosting a small dinner reach places party? Two Chefs Deli like shoulder & Market offers carblades and ryout when you want backs. the quality of catered food, but without the Especially hassle! It’s like having if you don`t a chef of your very have a live-in own…or two. twochefsdeli.com lifeguard.
TRAVEL TIP Jetsetter is a private online community (just register and log in) that provides members with exclusive deals on the world's greatest vacations.They feature terrific properties (the rooms at Hotel Plaza Athenee in nyC had us drooling), and sales last five to seven days.
jet s etter. c om
Whispering Winds Carriages departs from the Westin Poinsett Hotel for 30-minute tours, 6-11pm on Friday and saturdays. For more information, call 220.3650. Enjoy a picnic lunch along the Reedy River packed by the to-go staff at Overlook Grill at Falls Park. overlookgrill.com
26 27
LAsT CHAnCE!
You're invited to a "saucy" night of Bourbon, BBQ & Ballet: An Evening of Southern Refinement to benefit the Carolina Ballet Theatre. carolinaballet.org
The Greenville Brass Quintet presents music from Renaissance to contemporary jazz, ragtime to Broadway. ficiviccenter.org
27-29
A pair of busy, high-powered doctors hire Matilda, a young Brazilian woman, to clean their home. Matilda would much rather spend her time thinking up the funniest joke in the world. Check out The Clean House. warehousetheatre.com
Our office Keurig is on hold while the temps soar. Have you tried Starbucks VIA Iced Coffee yet?
“women 10
are like ovens.
Augustw2010greenville
skirt.com
we
need
5
to
15
minutes to heat up.”
Sandra Bullock
Traci Daberko is an illustrator and graphic designer in Seattle, WA. See her work at daberkodesign.com.
Dolce Vita Deena Skirt Hampden Clothing • 500 E. McBee Ave., Ste 103, Greenville • 864.235.5755
skirt.com
Augustw2010greenville
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don’tmiss
19.10
8.
skirt! Night Out at skinkare!
Grab your girlfriends and join the skirt! gals at skinkare Laser Hair & Skin Solutions. There’s no charge and no appointments—just drop in for plenty of fun, friendship and food. Discover secret solutions to looking younger than your chronological age with a free skin care analysis and a picture from our Reveal Camera to find out your skin’s true age; a free paraffin hand dip, free mini blinc mascara or mini glominerals lip gloss! There will also be free glominerals makeovers, too—first come, first served. Plus… Register to win over $2000 in products and services!
4–7pm • skinkare Laser Hair & Skin Solutions • 2-A Maple Tree Court, Greenville, SC 864.234.7900 • skinkare.com
26~28.10
8.
Upstate Women’s Show 2010
The 3rd Annual Upstate Women’s Show will be an entertaining and educational three days of fun for women of the Upstate. This year’s show will feature fashion, accessorizing, cooking, reading, health and wellness, decorating and so much more. This is also your chance to help women in our community by visiting My Girlfriend’s Closet, a boutique at the show with all proceeds going to Safe Harbor. Bring five canned goods for Harvest Hope Food Bank to the show and you’ll receive $2 off your ticket.
Thursday, 12-8pm • Friday & Saturday, 10am-8pm • Carolina First Center • 1 Exposition Drive, Greenville SC Tickets $8 adults, $4 kids age 2-12 • upstatewomensshow.com
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Augustw2010greenville
skirt.com
These designer beds are made from exclusive Crypton® Super Fabrics and are mess free and stress free. Super plush, orthopedic, and durable. This is NOT your ordinary dog bed, but quality pet furniture that fits the most discriminating pet and pet owner. 100% machine washable and now available in 3 bedding styles.
Woodruff Road Animal Hospital
Bring in your 4-legged friends to shop for toys, treats, and the coolest duds in Greenville!
Capers Place • 1803 Augusta Street • 864.242.3738 • pawsandclawsaugusta.com
Unique furniture and accessories from the Far East.
Your complete animal care specialists. Our services include: • • • • • •
Preventative & Wellness care for Pets of All Ages Pet Dentistry • Surgery Home Again® microchips available Behavioral Assessments and Training Convenient drop-off service available New Advanced Digital Radiography
WELCOME TO Dr. Lauren Johnson, a small animal veterinarian with a special interest in Avian and exotic medicine. She is now accepting appointments. Please call (864) 234-5995. extended office hours Monday and Thursday, 7:30 AM to 7:00 PM Laser Therapy can help treat your pet for pain associated with the neck, back, arthritis or injury. It also assists with the healing of wounds and hotspots. “PuPPY PlAY And leArn” Weekly early education classes for puppies up to 12 weeks of age.
Ongoing classes held by Mira Jones, owner of TailLights Dogs every Thursday evening.
Large selection of living and dining room furniture, wall units, and accessories in stock!
Reservations are required, so please call Woodruff Road Animal Hospital to schedule an appointment for you and your new puppy today. • NeW exTeNDeD HOuRS •
Monday and Thursday 7:30 am to 7:00 pm Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday 7:30 am to 6:00 pm
1175 Woods Crossing Road IMPORT FURNITURE & ACCESSORIES (behind Haywood Mall)
864-234-1514 www.traderouteimport.com
2709 Woodruff Road • Simpsonville, SC www.woodruffrdah.com • (864)234-5995 skirt.com
Augustw2010greenville
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Basically, we’re getting it wrong. Basically, it’s a mess.
I
Jen Rognerud
hear about it all the time. It’s my job to hear about it. What I’m most often told is this: “It’s like a light suddenly flipped on.” Women tell me of bluer skies and darker nights, of fluctuating emotions and unexpected, bone-shaking beauty. They tell me that they can smell the earth beneath the snow, taste toxins in the air and hear the phone ring before it actually does. They talk of orgasmic pain, unbearable pain, or else they thank God for drugs. They are wild, angry, and soft. They are beautiful, beaten, and grounded. They love their midwife. They hate that one nurse. They have a little crush on the handsome doctor. They wonder if they will always regret the C-section with this much intensity. They wonder if they knew love before this. They wonder if they will ever sleep again. They are all a little bit different. Only one thing is the same: They are a really big deal. In many cultures, birth is still an animal act and the postpartum period an exalted affair. The new mother is revered as the most important being in existence, and the community makes sure she knows it. Her strength is commended, her tenderness protected; her worries and wounds are soothed. She is massaged with sacred oils. She is fed special soups, lovingly prepared by those who have walked the path before her. It does not matter if it is her first baby or her fifth. After each birth, she is pampered and worshipped, an adored queen. While true parenthood begins in an instant, with new life’s first breath, the full transition from pregnancy to motherhood takes a little while. Around the world, 40 days seems to be the magic number. That’s 40 days of the mother lying in with the new baby, 40 days of bonding, breastfeeding, and embracing her heightened sense of being. The Latin cultures call it la cuarentena, but it is not an actual quarantine. It is a period of respect for the woman’s metamorphosis. Some communities insist that the woman stay in bed, while everyone else works around her. Other traditions include quiet celebration, intricate ritual, and contemplative walks in the woods. Usually, female relatives tend to the postpartum woman—they feed her, clean her, and teach her how to nurse. While 40 days is the approximate time period for concentrated care, it is understood that the new mother may need a little extra help for the better part of a year. In the Western world, the postpartum period is not a beautiful, celebrated time. In fact, it is often thought of as a time of chaos and despair. In the United States, we try to recognize a period of 40 days. Six weeks is often when a working woman’s maternity leave is up and it is when she goes for her final appointment with her obstetrician. That six week check up is our big ritual, and the main purpose of it seems to be to get the green light for sex and exercise (although most women don’t honestly feel like doing either until much later). American postpartum support generally consists of a few casseroles, a present or two for the baby, and unsolicited advice from mothers and in-laws. The pregnant woman is fawned over and spoiled, but the postpartum woman is discarded in favor of her precious offspring. She has most likely had a clinical hospital birth, somewhat rushed and with professionals calling the shots. She is pushed
from the hospital within 48 hours and once home, she finds herself isolated, overwhelmed and exhausted. I’m not speculating. This is the norm, and this is why postpartum depression is a Western phenomenon. While Americans like to say that “it takes a village,” villages don’t exist. We have walls between us and thick social boundaries. Even in the tightest communities, casseroles are the standard in reaching out. Smart visitors might throw in a load of laundry or take older siblings for a walk to the park, but for the most part, the postpartum woman is expected to entertain her guests. Our relationships with our own mothers are often strained. Families are fractured, separated by distance and tension. Close friends aren’t as close as they should be. New moms don’t feel comfortable expressing their emotions, which range from ecstasy to exhaustion, from sadness to rage. And somewhere along the way, we’ve written out quiet but persistent expectations for our postpartum women. They should put on their make-up. They should get out of the house, maybe just scoot over to Target for a bit. They should pull themselves together as soon as possible, because if they don’t, we’ll start to worry. And by worry, I mean talk. Basically, we’re getting it wrong. Basically, it’s a mess. That’s where I come in. As a postpartum doula, I support new mothers in the month or so after birth. I cook, fold laundry, make tea, bake muffins. I give foot massages and hugs. I keep visitors in line and I keep Mama from writing thank-you notes if there are dark circles under her eyes. I offer to do it for her. It’ll be our little secret. I am CPR-certified and overeducated on all things newborn. I know the signs of postpartum depression, postpartum psychosis, birth trauma, and mastitis. I know how to achieve a good latch at the breast, I can make a bottle with one hand, and I know several tricks for soothing fussy babies. I honor birth stories, I shoulder anger, I dissolve guilt and fear. I do not judge and I do not try to do things my way. I teach, but I don’t give advice unless asked. I am a humble servant, I am a secret keeper, I am a baby burper. I am a mother to the mother. To put it plainly, I give American women their 40 days—their much-deserved rest, ritual, and fanfare. I didn’t go looking for this. This is not what I wanted to be when I grew up. As weird as it sounds, I was called to it. There is a need for this service, a deep and desperate need that I simply cannot deny. And I think there’s a quiet little need for me in particular, because I get it; because I believe in what I do. Still, I’d be more than happy to be taken out of a job. I’d love it if our communities embraced the doula’s responsibilities, making my role obsolete. I’d love it if Americans could see beyond the split-second text message in front of them and realize that mothers, quite literally, make the whole world. So yes, I’m calling us out, America. Come on out, aunties, bosses, sisters, brothers and friends. Wake up neighbors, grandmas, and book clubbers. Mamas need more than baby showers. They need more than maternity clothes and prenatal yoga videos. They need to be cherished. They need love and support and time. They need those 40 days. And P.S., when it comes to the casserole, they’re really sick of lasagna.
Jen Rognerud happily and clumsily juggles a family of four, writing, and postpartum work all over the Twin Cities. Sometimes she thinks she could use a doula of her own to help handle this lucky chaos. 14
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5 Things i’ve learned
Rhonda Gushee | Figuratively Speaking Rhonda has a “really shy and introverted personality that loves to come out every once in a while and party!” Her thought-provoking sculpture populates half of the “The Clay People” art gallery in the Pendleton Street Arts District of Greenville. Read more at greenville.skirt.com. 5 THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN LIFE... 1. To pull everything out of my teachers, students and friends, and then give them everything that I have to give back. 2. To be disciplined is to follow in a good way; to be self-disciplined is to follow in a better way. 3. As an artist, nothing is a mistake. There’s no win and no fail; there’s only make. 4. The only rule is work. If you work, it will lead to something. 5. Be happy whenever you can manage it. Enjoy yourself. It’s lighter than you think. Photo by John Fowler
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5 Things i’ve learned
Sarah Day Hurley | Raising the Bar Sarah is a business litigation attorney as well as owner of Brew & Ewe, a coffee bar and specialty goods shop in downtown Greenville. When Sarah grows up, she wants to be “a sheep farmer, and still married to my husband Tim who, hopefully, by then will also be grown up.” Read more at greenville.skirt.com. 5 THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN LIFE... 1. The world would be a better place if we all just listened to our mothers. 2. Getting married late in life is worth it when you wait for the right one. 3. Having your own business is both scary and satisfying. 4. Contrary to popular belief, lawyers are really not bad people. 5. Dorothy was right. There’s no place like home. Photo by John Fowler 18
Augustw2010greenville
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5 Things i’ve learned
Dawn Hilton-Williams | Food for Thought Dawn is writer and producer of the touring play A Month of Sundays, Remembering Women in Jazz, coming to the Chapman Cultural Center this month. When she’s not nourishing the soul with her prose, Dawn creates nourishing food as owner of Herban-Eats Catering & Consultation Services. Read more at greenville.skirt.com. 5 THINGS I’VE LEARNED IN LIFE... 1. For life to truly be the gift it was designed to be, it must be lived intentionally. 2. Free will is a double edged sword and on either side of its blade lies a truth to explore and experience. 3. The happiest people know exactly where and why they’re going—even if no one else can see it. 4. For everything, let there be a good and worthy cause; else why bother? 5. There’s nothing a person can’t do when they have a vision, a settled purpose and the knowledge that God is source and supply. Photo by John Fowler taken at the Chapman Cultural Center 20
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HE’S SO ORIGINAL
Fred Caesar Offers the Perfect Sunrise. “When my wife and I discussed where we wanted to open our next Sunrise Day Spa,” Fred recounts, “we both looked at each other and said ‘Greenville’ at the same time. Then she punched me in the arm and said ‘perdickle.’” With destiny in mind, the couple could not believe their luck when Fred’s dream location, the old Essentials building downtown, became vacant. “So here we are,” Fred laughs. “We love our little spa on Main Street, we love our clients, and we are so delighted to contribute to their wellbeing in any way that we can.” Other loves include 9-month-old daughter Grace and motorcycles. “I love to ride. In fact, we’re looking for a motorcycle with a side-car for Grace!” What do you love about skirt magazine? “skirt! elevates life’s dialogue in a direct, inclusive, and unapologetic manner.” How do you feel wearing a skirt? “I want to dance with reckless abandon.” Photo by John Fowler
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“Search for guys who look good in black and white.”
M
Elizabeth Shipley
eg and I are watching a nature program. They’re showing male birds of different species, all working hard in their various ways to woo females. Meg and I are assessing their performances. We’re looking for the most attractive male bird—the one we’d allow to mate with us. If we were birds. “Ooo, that’s my guy,” Meg says approvingly, watching a flamboyant red and black bird from the tropical rainforest. “I like his moves.” The bird’s iridescent crest flicks erect. His blue feet whirl in an elaborate dance. “You think he’s sexy?” I ask. “Oh, yes.” The bird puffs his neck out and runs in a circle. “He’s a spazz,” I say. “Plus he’s in love with himself.” The bird does a sort of Martha Graham-esque head isolation. Sure, he’s a good dancer. But he’s working it so hard, he’s probably totally oblivious to everything around him. I bet if a python were to sidle up to him right now, he wouldn’t even see it. He’d end up as a mouthful of testosterone-infused lunch-meat. And what if the female bird gets attacked? He’s in such a disco trance, he probably wouldn’t notice. “The female could completely disappear from the face of the earth. As long as this guy has someone to watch him and applaud, he doesn’t care who it is.” I’m getting all huffy. Meg gives me a look. “And what if you decide you want to start dancing?” I argue. “I bet he wouldn’t support you at all. He’d be like, ‘How dare you try to compete with me? This is my spotlight!’” “I see your point,” Meg says. “Okay, forget him.” The next one is totally different—a modest-looking little brown bird who woos his mate by building her a huge, elaborately decorated nest. We watch as he puts the finishing touches on his creation, adorning it here and there with tasteful bunches of flowers. He adds a lacy fern, then a shiny battery swiped from the camera crew who are filming him. Finally he stands back and invites the female to assess his work. “Awwwww!” Meg and I cry in unison. The effort this guy puts into the nest! His lovely taste! His urge to clean and decorate! The way he cares about the female’s opinion, but doesn’t try to bully her into anything! We agree that we are both in love with this bird. We keep watching. The male’s head bips back-and-forth, back-and-forth, as he follows the female’s every move. “He looks a little anxious,” Meg says after a while.
“Who can blame him?” I say. “Yeah. But doesn’t he have an opinion of his own?” Meg asks. “He’s all like, ‘I’m begging you, darling—please validate me!’ Why does he have to live for her approval?” I nod. “They probably go to the movies and she’s like, ‘Where do you want to sit?’ and he’s like, ‘Wherever you want, my darling,’ and she’s like, ‘But what do you want?’, and they go around and around, and then she asks him what he wants for dinner and he defers to her.” “Ugghh.” The next bird is a male parrot. He’s very handsome. We see him gazing into the eyes of his prospective mate. We like how he seems completely focused on her. “He’s really seeing her,” Meg points out. “And he’s ignoring that other female on his left,” I say. “He’s a charmer, all right.” Meg says. “He actually looks a little like Johnny Depp, don’t you think?” She tries to sound casual, but it’s obvious she has a massive crush. The male leans closer to the female. You can almost hear his heart beating. And then—very gently, his beak caresses hers. They’re kissing! “OMG!” we shriek. “I can’t believe this!” Meg slides off the sofa onto the floor. “And look how he doesn’t care that the other birds are watching!” “He’s committed to her.” “He’s proud to be seen with her.” The kiss ends. The male pulls back and gazes once more at the female. Then he kisses her again. The two beaks touch. Then two little tongues dart out, stroking. We watch, breathless. The male makes an affectionate cooing sound, and vomits all over the female. “I know just how she feels,” Meg says sadly. “So much for Johnny.” The final bird is a penguin. Everyone like penguins. It seems downright corny to choose the male Chinstrap penguin out of all these exotic birds. But the more we see, the more we like him. When confronted with the woman of his dreams, he flings his wings wide and yells with delight. David Attenborough explains that this is known as the Ecstatic Display. “Ecstasy is good,” we agree. We learn that this behavior actually comes in two varieties: the “intention ecstatic” and the “imploring ecstatic.” “So he always has some definite intention when he approaches the female,” Meg says. “He’s not just saying, ‘My other mate doesn’t understand me, and I’m drawn to you, but I don’t know if I’m ready for a commitment, but I love you, but wait a sec my phone’s ringing...’” We like this. We like the “imploring ecstatic” display even more. It reminds us of Mr. Darcy. The male Chinstrap also bonds for life with his mate. And he builds the nest for the two of them. And he shares childcare duties. And he’s extremely cute. Later that evening, Meg and I go on OkCupid. “Search for guys who look good in black and white,” I say. “And who live in Antarctica,” Meg says. “I’m totally ready to relocate.”
Elizabeth Shipley is a freelance writer and editor in Santa Cruz, California. Visit her at elizabethshipley.com. 24
Augustw2010greenville
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Greenville Humane Society 328 Furman Hall Rd., Greenville greenvillehumane.com
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dogdays 3 2 1 Pupcakes & Other Sweet Treats The Barkery Bistro 118 N Main St. Greenville thebarkerybistro.com
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I’ll never have to make the choice to play the game or make a statement. Stephanie Hunt
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The Summer of ’82
I was 19 and fresh off my freshman year at college. The university was only two hours from my home, but I’d met people from different corners of the country, expanding my world view as I expanded my waistline, thanks to Thursday night kegs and the availability of Häagen-Dazs on the college meal plan. My classmates were articulate, outspoken and in a constant state of disbelief that Jesse Helms, my senator and the hero of many hometown neighbors, was for real. I’d survived chemistry and calculus (barely), but was coming home to elements and equations that were as tricky and befuddling as those in lab or in math class. In the summer of 1982, I was coming home to Come Out, to uphold the white-gloved tradition of my sister before me, and of generations of middle- to upper-class girls in my town and across the South. It was the summer of my debut. The annual debutante season kept our newspaper’s society pages stocked with photos for most of the summer. There was coverage of all the preBall teas, barbeques and cocktail parties hosted by different members of the Debutante Club of High Point, ladies who were always identified in the paper by Mrs. Husband’s Name and who were the gatekeepers of this elite rite of womanly passage. My mom made sure I wrote them post-event thank you notes. And there was, of course, multiple-newspaper page coverage of the Ball itself, with panoramic group portraits of the debutantes—12 of us flanking the front steps of a large columned mansion, a cascade of ivory gowns; another posse poised in semi-circle on the lawn, standing erect and perky, with gloved arms hanging awkwardly by our sides. Our full names and parental and grandparental pedigree made for bulky photo captions, but that was the point—to demonstrate the upstanding lineage that had landed us here, on the portico of high society, or what passed for it in a sleepy city of 50,000. I made the cut because my father’s clan took up half of a phonebook page. The Woods had deep High Point roots, never mind that my dad had yanked his up and moved on, leaving my sisters and me to make our debut escorted by his first cousin. The newspaper clips have long since yellowed in the debutante scrapbook I found recently at my mom’s house, but the mixed feelings I had about the whole to-do still resonate. I was cynical about donning a white, beaded gown and gliding around the ball room, smiling politely to the tuxedoed and sequined crowd (and of course, the eligible bachelors) to whom I was being “introduced,” but I liked the people, and kind of enjoyed gussying up, schmoozing the crowds and drinking Champagne. I took it all at face value. I was partial to my fake pearls and knew the elbow-length calfskin gloves didn’t show my true hand. I bristled then, and bristle even more now, at the undercurrent of privileged patriarchy—dating way back to the Court of St. James—that maintains these genteel “traditions.” But instead of making a scene, I curtsied to The Way Things Are, stumbled through a waltz and tanked up on Moët. Now, as a mother of my own three fair maidens, I get off easy. I’ll never have to make the choice to play the game or make a statement. I’ll never have the opportunity to practice my polished manners and tell a committee of Mrs. Husbands’ Names “thanks but no thanks” on my daughter’s behalf. My husband and I raise our girls in an utterly Southern city where there’s no chance in hell they’ll be invited to make their debut—we’re about 20 generations shy of being Blue Blood enough. So instead, I’m thinking it’s time for a Summer of ’82 reunion. A convocation of us gals who “came out” decades ago and now want to be reintroduced to society, on our own terms. We’ll call it our “Déjabut.” We’ll wear hot pink miniskirts, invite B- and C-list folks of varying financial and ethnic stature. Our husbands’ or partners’ names might or might not be listed, depending on our mood (if so, only after our name), and we’ll do shooters and sip bourbon, which we’ll pay for out of our own earnings at a cash bar, with proceeds going to support women’s shelters. Instead of parading around a room and then curtsying, we’ll let it rip with Liz Phair and Tina Turner karaoke. Anyone caught waltzing or shagging will be sent home. Gloves optional, but absolutely only if they’re gold lamé. Thank-you notes a nice touch, if you wish (some standards are worth maintaining). I’m wearing faux pearls to my Déjabut, the same strand of knotted yellowish ones from way-back-when, the ones that rest, teasingly, just above my cleavage, the ones that remind me of my heritage. I come from a long strand of strong, pearl-wearing women, some debs and some not, and I’m proud that they raised me to be a society girl, one who understands “society” as an interconnected commonwealth. A place where women and men, the whitegloved and the calloused hand, not only come out, but come together. Stephanie Hunt is a Charleston, SC-based freelance writer, who got a black eye head-butting Edwin Auman while dancing at a deb party during the summer of ’82. For a Déjabut invite, contact her at stephaniehuntwrites.com.
Check out our new website for details on these and many other ways to beat the heat this summer!
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Art by Karen Greenberg 28 
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run 2 Overcome on August 7 when the Greenville Rape Crisis and Child Abuse Center presents a certified 5K run to
u The Indian
u A global poll
heighten awareness
government recently
conducted in 22 countries
about child and adult
announced that it will
found “a pronounced
sexual abuse, as well as
be offering subsidized
gap between a belief in
to offer hope to survi-
sanitary napkins to
the equality of the sexes
vors of this trauma.
adolescent girls in rural
and how that translates
grccac.org
areas. Oftentimes,
into reality.” In general,
women in rural India
people around the world
rock
risk infection and lose a
say they firmly support
the night away on
week of school per month
equal rights, but many
August 26 at a funky
because of menstruation.
still believe men should
70’s Disco Fever
get preference in jobs,
Fundraiser to benefit
v Iceland recently
higher education or even
Michael’s Way, a non-
legalized gay marriage,
the simple right to work
profit organization
and its Prime Minister
outside the home.
dedicated to helping
Johanna Sigurdardottir
low-income adults
married her long-term
v July/August’s Health
break the cycle of pov-
partner on the day it
magazine cover features
erty through educa-
took effect, making her
Mad Men star and token
tional opportunities.
the world’s only national
curvy girl Christina
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leader with a same-
Hendricks—but next to
sex spouse.
her is a headline begging
salsa
readers to “Lose 6 lbs
samba and rumba
w Researchers in Israel
under the stars at this
have created an oral pill
year’s South Beach-
for men that deactivates
w A schoolteacher at
inspired 2010 Beach
a vital protein in sperm
a Christian school was
Ball on August 28!
before they reach the
fired for fornication. At a
This one-of-a-kind
womb. The version they
meeting with the principal
fundraiser presented
have developed only
to request maternity
by the Beach Ball
needs to be taken once
leave, the principal asked
Foundation benefits
every three months.
about the timing of the
over 30 non-profit
According to the
woman’s conception,
organizations with a fo-
scientists, the pill could
which had been a few
cus on helping children.
be available in as little
weeks prior to her
beachballfoundation.org
as three years.
marriage. She was fired
in 7 Days!”
a week later.
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29
She’s a huge Harry Potter geek and, like most fourteen year olds, she
Brianna Wood
can’t wait to drive, but Brianna’s real passion is politics. “I would love to attend Duke, Georgetown or American University,” she admits, “then run for public office.” Known for being outgoing, funny and genuine, Brianna is a student at Spartanburg Day School where she earned the Cum Laude Certificate of Merit on the National Latin Exam and the Middle School
“I’m looking member of student council. forward to serving on the Mayor’s Service Board this fall! History Award. She is also, of course, a
Photo by Sheril Bennett Turner
30
Augustw2010greenville
skirt.com
No two are alike!
twelvesouth.com
sweetbirdstudio.com
“I WantWant a
BookBook hardback leather case when I upgrade to a MacBook Pro. They look just like vintage books. $79.99-$99.99 from twelvesouth.com. Nikki, skirt! Publisher
welove 1 “I think that this lovely lion would really add a little spice to my yard. Patio Imports has all sorts of other fabulous finds, check it out for yourself!” Kathryn, Sales Executive
2 “Just one look at this Louis Vuitton Alma bag, and I was smitten! Totally elegant…it called to me the moment I walked into Labels on Augusta.” Angela, Director of Sales
“I hate stinky bug spray, but Badger Anti-Bug Balm smells great and makes your skin soft, plus it really keeps the bugs away using all-natural ingredients. Find it at Whole Foods.” Sheril, Editor
3
4 “Anthropologie always has the coolest of quirky shoes. These espadrille wedges might make last call for my summer wardrobe.” Caitilin, skirt! Art Director
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31
TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN WITH...
Jacqui Bomar | The Main Event Occupation: Owner of JBM & Associates (JBMShows.com), an event marketing and management company. My passion right now: Developing a new event called Upstate Spice of Life Show and working with my husband to raise our son. What a great kid!
My favorite feminist: My mom, although Gloria Steinem sat in my office for an hour with me in Fort Lauderdale. She had an appearance and chose my office to hang out in. My best friend says I’m: a lot of fun! I had to call and ask her…
I’d like to learn to: dance.
Favorite restaurant: Doe’s Pita in Charleston (my mom’s).
My roller derby name would be: Grace—HA!
Early bird or night owl? Early with a capital E! I can’t live without: my coffee, Mom’s pita bread, and ice cream—not at the same time.
Photo by John Fowler 32
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The food I never want to eat again: Sardines. The oddest job I’ve held: When I was 16, I lived on Cape Cod in the summer and did camp kids’ laundry at night. Words I live by: Lighten Up! Always... be nice to people. Never... hold grudges—not healthy. Read more at greenville.skirt.com
Bookmark
This issue of skirt! was put together to the sounds of: Sigh No More Mumford & Sons Change a Thing Miranda Dodson Emotion & Commotion Jeff Beck Let the Light In Amy Cook
Take a look into the exciting lives of the people who live in your mail-order catalogs at the hilarious blog called “Catalog Living,” written by Molly Erdman, Los Angeles comedian, writer, actor. catalogliving.tumblr.com
Watch Page Turners
Toned arms in two minutes? Well, not quite, but that’s how long the video is on Exercise TV’s LA Arms featuring Tandy Gutierrez. exercisetv.tv
Look After Each Other Marilyn L. Rice
What would you do if you knew the exact date that you would die? When Sofia’s trusted clairvoyant gives her clues, this 36-year old oppressed British housewife creates a list of naughty and nice must-dos before the fatal date. A quirky book full of clever twists!
Download The DoGood app suggests a different act of kindness daily, such as “Connect with a family member.” The idea is to get thousands of people performing the same altruistic act every day. Download from itunes.com.
Sheril Bennett Turner, Editor
Visit Have you always wanted to write a love letter to Heathcliff or give advice to Ophelia? At Letters with Character, readers can write directly to literary characters. Go to the site for directions, and maybe yours will be published. (A great exercise for schoolrooms, too.) letterswithcharacter.blogspot.com
Learn Are you starting to grow your own vegetables? Check out kitchengardeners.org for tips and recipes and to connect with other backyard growers.
DUETS Far Away Astrud Gilberto & Chet Baker I Knew You Were Waiting Aretha Franklin & George Michael Reunited Peaches & Herb Keep Your Eyes on Jesus Johnny Cash & Pam Tillis Beachcombing Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris
“this saga... is riveting on its own.
Augustplaylist
Empire of the Summer Moon S.C. Gwynne
My friend was the agent for this book, so I wanted to read it for that reason alone. But this saga about the last great Comanche chief, Quanah Parker, is riveting on its own. Nikki Hardin, Publisher
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planetnikki [ a visual journal ]
A couch from a dream for a rebel. Frederique Morrel in Paris makes one-ofa-kind creations (way beyond my budget) from pieces of vintage tapestries and needlework.
Ordinary objects can become inspiring personal icons. That’s how I feel about Patti Smith’s boots. I could watch this documentary over and over.
“I dare you!” All my life I’ve rebelled in tiny, underground, passive-aggressive ways, but I never had the courage to go completely off the beaten path. That’s probably why I’m drawn to people who don’t give a damn about what
Spread the love. Leave the cards around town anonymously or write a note onthe back. iloveyoucards. org/getcards.html
other people think of them. I always tried to acquire that quality by sleeping with men who seemed to have it, thinking it would somehow rub off on me. I know now that I should have spent that time finding my own courage, using my own voice, spending more time alone, thinking taller, making magic instead of looking for a shaman, becoming a heroine instead of looking for a hero. I wish I’d started sooner.
This is where I’ll be having drinks after hiking in Yosemite... the historic Ahwahnee Hotel in the park.
I’m painting my bedroom blue, so the color has been on my mind and in my journal. There are a thousand shades of blue—a nightmare for an indecisive Libra.
Nikki Hardin is the founder and publisher of skirt! magazine. She blogs at fridaville.com. 34
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