skirt! Greenville July 2009 by Sheril Turner

Greenville, SC

skirt!

all about women...their work, play, families, creativity, style, health and wealth, bodies and souls. skirt! is an attitude...spirited, independent, outspoken, serious, playful and irreverent, sometimes controversial, always passionate.

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Every skirt tells a story. The

mini you wore to the march

in D.C. The s c a r l e t v e l v e t that always brings you luck in love. The silver skirt that left

seQuins

behind like guilty secrets. The denim A-line that brings out the country girl in your genes. The schoolgirl

kilt

with Doc Martens, so rude and cheeky. Gypsy

layers

left over from a

Deadhead lover and a broken-down van. The long

[TPcWTa number that

put a runway stomp in your step when you needed a brave heart. A

cargo skirt

with deep pockets for toys and bottles, coloring books and checkbooks. The unfortunate bubble and the regrettable

skort—we all have skeletons in our closets. The little black skirts that take you from 9 to 5, the

_M^[ZS_

that light your vacation fire, the tutu that keeps your childhood dreams alive. Where will your skirt take you next? Cover art by Hadley Hutton

“Tremendous amounts of talent are lost to our society just because that talent wears a skirt.” Shirley Chisholm

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L O O K S T U NNI NG. BE FR UG AL. C O A C H Fa c tor y Tom m y H i l f i ge r N i k e Fa c tor y S tore P o tte r y B a r n O u tl e t J .C rew Fa c tor y S tore A mer ican Ea gl e O u tf i tte r s B an an a R epu blic F a c tor y S tore B C B G MA XA ZR I A F a c tor y S tore P o lo R alph L au ren F a c tor y S tore … an d m a n y m ore .

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July

09 about skirt! Publisher Nikki Hardin editor@skirt.com

Greenville Editor Sheril Bennett Turner sheril.turner@skirt.com

Contents New Wave Women Emily Rosenbaum ..................................................................................11

The Shape of a Woman National Art Director Caitilin McPhillips caitilin.mcphillips@skirt.com Director of Sales Angela Filler angela.filler@skirt.com Sales Executive Kathryn Barmore kathryn.barmore@skirt.com Graphic Designer Shelli H. Rutland Photographers John Fowler Sheril Bennett Turner Susie Wallace Sales 864.357.3669 FAX: 864.751.2815

sheMAIL 1708-C Augusta ST. #335 Greenville, SC 29605

Veronica McCabe Deschambault ...................................................13

“I’m a Feminist Because…” Pam McDonald .......................................................................................16

“I’m a Feminist Because…” Cynda LuClaire .......................................................................................18

“I’m a Feminist Because…” Nancy Davenport .................................................................................20

The F-Word:“Who are the Real Male Bashers?” Michael Kimmel ......................................................................................24

The Feminist Reflex Kristin Hall ..................................................................................................29

subscribe! For a one-year Subscription (12 issues), send a $35 check to: skirt!Greenville 1708-C Augusta ST. #335 Greenville, SC 29605

in every issue Calendar...........................................................................................................5 From the Publisher/Editor ...................................................................6 Letters .............................................................................................................7 Skirt of the Month ................................................................................10 skirt! Alerts/Brava/It’s a Shame ...................................................14 He’s So Original w/ Jacob Billingsley ....................................................22

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skirt! is published monthly and distributed free throughout the greater Greenville area. skirt! Reserves the right to refuse to sell space for any advertisement the staff deems inappropriate for the publication. Unsolicited manuscripts must be accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Letters to the editor are welcome, but may be edited due to space limitations. Press releases must be received by the 1st of the month for the following month’s issue. All content of this magazine, including without limitation the design, advertisements, art, photos and editorial content, as well as the selection, coordination and management thereof, is Copyright © 2009, Morris Publishing Group, LLC. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this magazine may be copied or reprinted without the express written permission of the publisher. SKIRT!® is a registered trademark of Morris Publishing Group, LLC.

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Products ......................................................................................................27 Girl Power w/ Morgan Marie Brown .....................................................30 skirt!Loves ................................................................................................31 24/7 w/ Carol Caron ..........................................................................32 Browse .........................................................................................................33 Planet Nikki ...............................................................................................34

july

F ind mo re skir t! even ts on lin e at g reenville .s k ir t .c o m / eve n t

sunday

monday

tuesday

wednesday 2

thursday

funday

saturday

5 Greenville’s official July 4th celebration, the AT&T Red, White, and Blue Festival presented by Toyota of Greenville, includes 75,000 of our closest friends enjoying music, food, drink, and of course . . . FIREWORKS! mainstevents.com.

July Challenge

The 1st annual Freedom Blast at Greer City Park offers a day of family-friendly activities including a concert headlined by Cravin’ Melon, a patriotic salute, and one of the largest fireworks shows in the Southeast. cityofgreer.org. What could be more empowering on Independence Day than a Wonder Bar? $5 at chocolate.com/products/wonder-bar.

July 6 is Frida Kahlo’s birthday. Do something passionate in her honor.

Write a 2400-word autobiography. Start anywhere. Take as long as you want. Make it a ﬁrst step in having a more soulful, creative life.

( The Creativity Book by Eric Maisel. )

Fifi Lapin is the edgiest runway rabbit in the world. Fashionistas of all ages will fall in love with her style. Read her story and purchase prints at fifi-lapin.blogspot.com.

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“A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!” Each Thursday through Sunday, the Upstate Shakespeare Festival presents Richard III at Falls Park on the Reedy River. Directed by John Fagan. upstateshakespearefestival. org or warehousetheatre. com.

Join the Caleb Group for their monthly film discussion series, Movies Worth Talking About. This month’s movie, In Bruges, starring Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson as hitmen in hiding. Admission is free at Camelot Cinemas. 864.787.4566.

Bright Idea

Diana Krass’s Quiet Nights Tour. This two-time Grammy-winner performs the lush, romantic songs that made her a jazz superstar, along with her new music of the sensuous sounds of Brazil. peacecenter.org.

Take a Reedy River Walk, a free educational stroll along the downtown portion of the Reedy River. Learn about river history, plant and animal life, and what the Friends of the Reedy River are doing to protect this important Greenville asset. friendsofthereedyriver.org

The Distracted Globe presents A Barefoot and Beyond Summer, featuring Neil Simon’s sweet romantic comedy Barefoot in the Park in rotating repertory with Christopher Durang’s outrageous Beyond Therapy, running through August 1. Directed by two young women with some serious comic flair—Jennifer Goff and Michele Labar. thedistractedglobe.com or warehousetheatre.com.

“You scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream.

Dalai Lama

Catch country music legend Hank William, Jr. at the Bi-Lo Center with special guest Dierks Bentley. For ticket information, go to bilocenter.com.

Calling Jane Austin fans! The Hughes Main Library offers An Afternoon with Jane. Enjoy tea and refreshments, chat with fellow Austenites, listen to a discussion of Pride and Prejudice, and watch the 1940 film featuring Greer Garson. Registration required. 242.5000 Ext. 2247.

Apply magnetic paint to a wall and hang up postcards, art projects, work ideas and more.

American Proverb quotes

“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” 26

Amazing paper shoes made from pages of Little Women are a fabulous fashion/ feminism statement. Xf ❤ Kp"!! Created by U.K. artist Jennifer Collier. (jennifercollier.co.uk)

35.37 Enjoy three Dog Shows in one location at the Carolina First Center courtesy of the Spartanburg Kennel Club, the Hendersonville Kennel Club, and the Greenville Kennel Club. There is no admission fee and it makes a great family outing! carolinafirstcenter. com

Hot Dog Day at Greenville Zoo. This annual summer event features hot dogs, Pepsi, potato chips, cotton candy, ice cream sandwiches, & Nutty Buddies for just $.25 each.

If your swinish co-workers keep bringing their flu and colds to work, put a box of Clorox disinfecting wipes on their desks.

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from the publisher

skirt! & you Let us know what’s on your mind, respond to an article, or give us info on an upcoming event. Send letters or press releases to sheril.turner@ skirt.com, or mail to skirt! Greenville, 1708-C Augusta St. #335, Greenville, SC 29605.

cover artist Hadley Hutton grew up in a home filled with color, with a mother who felt that humanity’s greatest invention was the color wheel. Hadley recalls her mom changing wall colors as

We are always looking for new writers and artists. Our guidelines for writers and artists are available online at skirt.com. Submit artwork or essays via e-mail to submissions@skirt.com. Check out our website at skirt.com for giveaways, essays, and other extras that aren’t in the print edition.

often as other people change the sheets. One day, little Hadley met an artist who painted for his profession and her exact words were, “People get paid to do this?” Today, she lives her dream working as an illustrator and artist in her hometown of Portland, Oregon. Hadley’s work is a blend of traditional painting and modern design. She draws inspiration from Asian patterns and motifs, Victorian die cuts and geometric designs. Hadley’s Philosophy: Less is more. (Except in the case of art supplies—where too much is never enough.) Prints of the cover art are available

skirt.com & you Crowd Pleaser Join the fastest growing group of creative bloggers, become a skirt!setter today! Sign up at skirt.com/skirtsetter.

Special Delivery skirt! has two new localized emails launching. Sign up with your local skirt! today.

the F-Word issue Every month, I read and evaluate between 100 and 200 essay submissions in order to choose six to eight for the upcoming issue. For our F-Word

longer have time to redress some of our

issue this month, I noticed that some

community’s injustices. As if having men

of the essays focused on why the

open car doors for us is more important

writers were no longer feminists,

than all the doors of opportunity that

or that they redefined feminism as

continue to get slammed in our faces.

caring for their husbands, or how

As if being a mother means feminism

they suddenly realized that being too

is irrelevant even though all mothers

outspoken made them unattractive to

surely hope their daughters will grow up

men, or how they didn’t have time for

to have the same rights and protection

feminism after they had children. At

under the law as their sons. All mothers

times, I felt like I was reading the script

surely want their daughters to be able

for an old Tracy/Hepburn movie, in

to protect themselves from emotional

which the feisty, independent Hepburn

or physical abuse, whether it’s on the

is tamed and taught her true nature

job or at home. All mothers surely

by Tracy’s character before they can

believe in teaching their daughters

have a happily-ever-after ending. As if

to lift up women who don’t have the

feminists can’t have happy marriages

same rights that they do, women who

and motherhood isn’t affected by the

are still treated as the spoils of war in

outside world. As if not being equally

many parts of the world. All mothers

represented in our own government

surely want their children to be able to

doesn’t effectively silence our voice.

go to school without the threat of being

As if a wedding dress means we no

gunned down in the classroom. And surely all mothers want to raise sons who will be caring, sensitive men who

nikki

know how to use a vacuum cleaner and aren’t afraid of women who think. After

for purchase at

all, who can argue with that version of

hadleyhutton.etsy.com.

“happily every after”?

from the editor Okay, here’s a feminist moment for you. Recently my data-laden laptop tumbled to the floor, internally destroying the monitor. After googling the problem, I found some great advice on how to easily fix it myself, and so one bright morning with replacement monitor in hand, I readied my tiny tools for the job. Then, something bizarre happened. My husband, heading out the door, threw back at me, “When I get home, I’ll replace that monitor for you.” Now my husband, bless his heart, is an A #1 homebuilder, but computer geek he is not. I’m the one who has always maintained our myriad electronic devices, although granted, never to this degree. Did he think that he was John Wayne out to save the little lady? So I laughed, told him to be off, and quite confidently began the process of detaching the old screen. Armed with screwdriver, I removed dozens of microscopic screws when—I kid you not—the very last screw refused to budge. Later my smirking husband, with the mighty strength of ten females, removed the offending screw. I smiled and patted his bicep. “That’s the only reason I keep you around, cowboy.”

sheril

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sheril.turner@skirt.com

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dearskirt! I am writing to applaud skirt! and the positive impact it has on women, young and old. As a mother of two teenage daughters, I become easily discouraged

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by the content of most media and the way women and girls are portrayed. It seems women are stripped of their intuition at a young age and convinced throughout their lives that there is something wrong with their true ‘self.’ It is nearly impossible for a mother to instill self-confidence in her daughters, much less herself, in such a toxic

As a transplanted native, I always anticipated my sister sending me skirt! magazine monthly—the quality of the publication far surpassed anything I saw in my area of Northern California. Now that I am home again, the first paper I reach for is skirt!, it is my connection to the Lowcountry. Dianna Clement-Ross Sonoma, California Charleston, SC

environment. skirt! is a breath of fresh air. I am eager each month to read and share it with my daughters. We enjoy reading the interesting feature articles, learning about the highlighted local individuals that serve as positive role models, and perusing the empowering content and creative art throughout. Wenda Clinard Lewisville, NC

I love your magazine. You’ve done

skirt! reads like a local Vanity Fair with

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Just discovered your magazine today at o kafés! The look is fun and eyecatching. I appreciated the mix of fun and serious, local and national profiles. It’s so nice to find something that takes feminism seriously without losing its sense of humor. And I’m especially glad that you brought atten-

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skirt!’s big, beautiful pages at a cozy café or on the beach. Call me a Luddite, but I like paper just fine. Brenda Sanders Savannah, GA

864.232.9577 Have an opinion? Email your editor. All letters to the editor must include the writer’s name and city/state.

Capers Place, 1803 Augusta Street, Greenville, SC 29605

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July the F-Word issue

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Traci Daberko is an illustrator and graphic designer in Seattle, WA. See her work at www.daberkodesign.com.

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What right do I have to use the F-word? That word belongs to the women in the field, the women fighting the good fight, arguing in front of the Supreme Court or saving orphans in third-world countries or at least bringing home a paycheck. I am just a housewife. A housewife with a laptop, but a housewife nonetheless.

Emily Rosenbaum

I’m an anti-feminist,” she declared, looking around at her classmates for approval. I must have heard wrong. Of course, I had heard of such mythical beasts, but I assumed they were all seventy-two-year-old white male senators. Fourteen-year-old, over-achieving girls, in my experience, were all competing to prove that they were more feminist than their peers. “Do you know what that means?” I asked, aghast. Clearly, my astonishment was just what this student had been shooting for from the new, young teacher introducing herself on the first day of school. Smugly, she answered, “It means I don’t buy all of that feminist crap.” “Really? You don’t think you are as good as the boys? You don’t think you are as smart? I thought you were a field hockey player. Is your sport as important as theirs?” Okay, a little advice for new teachers out there: Pretty much everything a student says to you on the first day of school is designed to elicit a reaction. Whatever you do, do not react. For the next few months, that girl would mutter “anti-feminist” under her breath at random, coyly peeking up to see if she could get her crazy, twentysomething feminist teacher to lose her cool. I tried my best to ignore her, but I couldn’t help wondering what in the world her mother had taught her. How, exactly, does one raise an anti-feminist in the aftermath of Title IX? Was this some sort of south-of-the-Mason-Dixon thing? And what was my responsibility as a teacher? Was I mandated to report this to some authority? Then the Monica Lewinsky scandal broke, and the students were too busy cracking cigar jokes to bother needling their teacher. What I did not realize was that while I had been kicking around my college English department, “liberal” and “feminist” had become dirty words. I was proud to be a feminist. I had taken enough Women’s Studies courses to know the history of our movement, and I was eager to be associated with secondwave feminism’s focus on equality. I was down with third-wave feminism, too, as I tried to impress upon my high school students that they could be strong women and still wear pink. I assumed I could plan the trajectory of my feminism. When we decided to get married, my fiancé and I agreed that we would never put his career first, even though it was likely he would make a smidgen more money with his MBA than I would when I finished my PhD in literature. I would move for him while I was dissertating, but then he would move for my career when I got my first tenure-track job, most likely in a suburb of the Middle of Nowhere. Our careers were equal. I had my first child six months before I defended that dissertation. It had become clear that my husband could not work too far from a major city and that I was unlikely to get a job near someplace he could work. We thought about living apart, perhaps coming together on the weekends, but we weren’t thrilled about raising our kids with occupationally separated parents. By this time, I had serious doubts about academia, and I was only too glad of an excuse to search for a new career path. However, in one of those

One-Thing-Leads-To-Another kinds of ways, it is now four years later, I have three children under the age of five, an unpublished book and no career to speak of. My husband, on the other hand, is surging forward with his career, ticking off all the little boxes years before he is expected to. I am not all Girl Power anymore because I am too busy wiping up poop. My four-year-old informed me the other day that “Most of the time, the Mommy doesn’t go to work,” a misconception I quickly remedied. Shit, I drive a minivan. And I like it. What right do I have to use the F-word? That word belongs to the women in the field, the women fighting the good fight, arguing in front of the Supreme Court or saving orphans in third-world countries or at least bringing home a paycheck. I am just a housewife. A housewife with a laptop, but a housewife nonetheless. I am embarrassed to tell people I am a feminist, and yet I cannot imagine letting go of that identity. Because, in every part of my sleep-deprived, slightly lumpy body, I know that I want to be a feminist. I have heard that the fourth wave of feminism is women of my age out being activists, and I surely want to be a part of that progressiveness. I want to take the movement forward, but I need to be home by 3pm, because that’s the baby’s afternoon feeding and she really has no interest in a bottle. Maybe she’s the one who isn’t a feminist. Or maybe I’m letting other people define my feminism for me. So, I am proposing my own version of fourth wave feminism for the women out there who didn’t even make it to the rally about school budget cuts because it interfered with the younger children’s naptimes: My fourth wave feminists offer to organize the school gift so that the other room mother has time to attend to her dental practice. We carpool to save the planet but also so that we all have a little extra time to submit articles or practice law. Some of us fight for equal pay, and some of us cheer on the feminists fighting for equal pay. We do not, for the record, complain about other women breastfeeding in public, nor do we criticize our friends for their childbearing choices. We are women with children, without children, and men, too, and we may just throw our hats in the air every so often and proclaim that we are doing it our way. My fourth wave feminists are an eclectic bunch, and we are raising our kids to be feminists and activists, even if we have only been to one demonstration in five years and it took Proposition 8 to get us there. This is not the type of woman I set out to be, and I doubt it is the final iteration of my feminism. But, I will not give up the label. I will keep calling myself a feminist and keep working in small ways to fill the large word I apply to myself. I will hold all my children, boys and girl, to the same standards regarding nail polish (when you are 13), words across their asses (when you are paying your own rent), and Tinkerbell costumes (fine, but not to school). I will read them all Pinkalicious and let them all play with Hot Wheels (but it would be nice if the baby would stop trying to eat the little tires). I will read Ms. and blog about feminist issues (and poop). All three of my children will grow up to be proud of the word “feminist.” And maybe it is that effort, that constant striving towards ideals, that continues to define me as a feminist.

Emily Rosenbaum is a freelance writer raising three feminists in Los Angeles.

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After living most of my life with one kind of body, I’m still shocked to encounter this other one in the mirror.

Veronica McCabe Deschambault

ver the last five years or so, I became a woman who shops like a man. I have a list, I go into a store, make a purchase (or not), and leave. No more endless comparison shopping, no more monitoring markdowns and clearance racks, no more browsing just to see what’s out there, and far fewer clothing purchases. While certainly one of the reasons my habits have changed is a desire to simplify my life and eliminate excess and clutter in my home, a secondary reason is that in middle age, clothes fail me. I remember the passion I had for clothing in my 20s, the way a new outfit or item would spark sheer delight. There was a time when I loved picking out what to wear in the morning, what to add to my wardrobe each season, what to buy to “complete” a look. But now clothes no longer have any magical powers for me. I don’t put them on and feel beautiful or romantic or sharp or professional or sexy. When I step into my closet or open a drawer, I don’t see things I can’t wait to wear, I just see acceptable choices. Somewhere along the line, clothing became largely functional and not fun at all. Part of the reason for that shift in attitude is that my body has changed so much in recent years. It’s fuller and yet less curvy, softer and yet somehow more square. After living most of my life with one kind of body, I’m still shocked to encounter this other one in the mirror. In my mind’s eye, I see my old self. Each time I step into a dressing room with an armful of clothes, I get a reality check. Who is this woman? And how do I dress her? Sure I know what my style is but I’m not sure I can carry it off anymore. What I’m attracted to and what flatters my shape and looks appropriate are different things now. So I tend to stick with basic choices, practical considerations, and no longer experience the high of putting something on and feeling really, really good in it. It would be easy to say this is simply a middle-aged woman’s dilemma, but it’s not. Yesterday I honored my 11-year-old daughter’s request to go to the mall. She had a wad of her own money in her pocket and a shopping list that included hair clips and shirts to wear with jeans.

The first few stores we checked didn’t have anything she even wanted to try on. Then, much to our surprise, a store that normally was a wash for us had a multitude of things that appealed to her. We loaded up our arms with selections and were all smiles as we headed to the dressing room. Disappointment followed us. Some of the cute shirts had seams in strange places. Others were too tight under the arms. Some just looked weird. Then came two sweaters, the same style in different colors. My daughter pulled the first one over her head and I thought “Bingo! This is it! That looks FABULOUS!” I was about to break into applause when I saw her face reflected in the mirror. Her expression was confused, unhappy, uncertain. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “This is NOT going to work,” she said. And I looked at her reflection again and didn’t understand what her issue was. The apple green color of the sweater looked gorgeous with her platinum blonde hair, the sweater sat solidly on her shoulders and was neither binding nor loose around her arms, the V-neck was perfectly proportioned, and the sweater rode but did not cling to her curves in a long slim line to her hips. And that’s when it hit me: my daughter did not want anything riding her curves down through her hips. “What is it about this that you don’t like?” I asked her, curious to see if I was right. “This,” she said, “is the type of thing a showoff would wear. This is not appropriate. It is not me.” I resisted the temptation to tell my daughter how beautiful she looked in that sweater, how it wasn’t revealing or a “show off” piece. I knew I shouldn’t push her to accept a look she wasn’t ready for. The real issue for her was the one I kept encountering in dressing rooms: the reality of a changing body. Just as I was not ready to deal with my disappearing waist and blocky figure and the fact that I’m just a lot older than I feel, she was not ready to see herself as a young woman with curves, as someone a boy might notice and find attractive. Her body was taking her to a place her mind hadn’t yet ventured into. She was not ready to embrace the power and potential of her growing beauty and womanhood, and I am still adjusting to the fading of my own beauty, my age, and the impact physical changes have on my sense of self. So after two hours, the two of us left the mall without buying any clothes, holding only a tiny bag containing pastel hair clips and blue nail polish—two girls in the process of making peace with their biology and their destinies, two girls working to be comfortable in their own skins.

Veronica McCabe Deschambault has worked as a public relations consultant, newspaper journalist, editor, ghostwriter, tech writer and blogger. A budding artist, creative spirit and fan of social media, she is networked with kindred souls across the globe. You can learn more about her and her work at veronicadeschambault.com.

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julyw2009greenville 13

against the rape crisis in the Congo.

elected to Parliament for the first time in Kuwait;

the news is notable since women only achieved the right to vote there in 2005.

genocide and crimes against humanity. See how you can make a difference at enoughproject.org.

Fotvsf

A Obama’s top

safe choice. Donate to Medical Students for Choice in memory of George Tiller. medicalstudents forchoice.org

to the International Black Women’s Film Festival. Featuring the best and brightest black female filmmakers, actresses, lyricists and celebrities, the festival is dedicated to combating stereotypes. ibwff.com

providers in the nation, church as he handed out the church bulletin. He

soon-to-be-empty

had already survived a

Supreme Court seat

1993 shooting.

would also be the first

Latina Justice and second

A Recently, poison gas

woman on the current

attacks at girls’ schools

court—Sonia Sotomayor.

in Afghanistan—believed to be the work of the

B Members of the Women’s Health and

Taliban—have increased. Many girls have been

Issues Club at Arcadia

hospitalized, and as a

High School in California

result, others are now

circulated a petition and

afraid to return to school

brokered a deal with

and continue their

school administrators to ban 20 songs with

Epobuf

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choice for Justice Souter’s

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@ George Tiller, one of

was shot to death at his

The Enough Project campaigns against

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education.

B The ACLU is suing two Tennessee school districts whose internet filters blocked students from accessing websites focusing on LGBT issues, like Human Rights Campaign. However, students are able to access sites that condemn homosexuality or advocate “reparative therapy” programs.

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I’M A FEMINIST BECAUSE...

Pam McDonald | Police Legal Advisor “... I believe women should live their lives to their fullest potential and not allow themselves to be restricted by artificial limitations. I like to see women succeed in non-traditional roles because I think it is a salute to those women who paved the way before us, who made it possible for us to live extraordinary lives.” Pam combines her experiences as a law enforcement officer, a prosecutor, and a teacher of criminal justice to create and provide advanced training for law enforcement, particularly related to police legal issues. At the time of this interview, she was covertly working oversees. Photo by Susie Wallace

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I’M A FEMINIST BECAUSE...

Cynda LuClaire | Artist/Writer “…I have fallen flat on my face and found equal ground, aided only by inner strength...the words ‘Strive for Equality and then Push Past it!’ were tattooed on my soul at birth!” Cynda’s affection for the written word came from her grandmother and her passion for painting from her grown daughter. Surviving both breast cancer and a head trauma injury, Cynda inspires others with her powerful feminine images highlighted with quirky quotes. “A fellow artist—a man—told me that when he paints, he doesn’t think of anything. I have whole dialogues going on in my head when I work,” Cynda laughs. Photo by Sheril Bennett Turner

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I’M A FEMINIST BECAUSE...

Nancy Davenport | Trail Blazer “ . . . I am a very independent woman, meeting problems head on and fixing them. I cherish my independence, and I encourage other women to own their power and their lives. Like a lot of good woman, though, I still need the love, affection, and companionship of a good man.” To stay involved with her two boys, Nancy took on the responsibility of Assistant Cubmaster to their pack. Along with the Boy Scout Motto of “Be Prepared”, Nancy has a few mottos of her own: “Everything Happens for a Reason” and “You Only Live Once—BE HAPPY!” Photo by Sheril Bennett Turner

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HE’S SO ORIGINAL

Jacob Billingsley Dairy Delightful “I’m not the healthiest guy on the planet, but there just comes a time when you grow up and stop eating cheeseburgers all the time,” laughs bachelor Jacob, who hails most recently from the West Coast. As proprietor of the Blueberry Frog in the trendy West End, this ex-bartender turned frozen yogurt guru seeks to convert others with his very secret (shhhh!) recipe for the scrumptious fat-free, no sugar added, organic treat. Jacob and his bohemian-flavored hangout also attract soul-inspiring events such as the Pink Slip Party held last April (a networking mixer for the newly unemployed), and a weekly gathering of local artisans who, between bites of yogurt and toppings, create crafts that benefit a third-world orphanage. For our F-Word issue we asked him if he calls himself a feminist. “Of course,” he says. “Women can do whatever they want! It’s a shame we’re still talking about that in 2009.” His favorite thing about wearing a skirt? I’m just glad that I didn’t wear my mirror shoes. His favorite thing about reading skirt!? It’s unique voice—unwavering, without pandering to the masses. Photo by John Fowler

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Michael Kimmel

OK, class, time for a quiz. True or False?

1. “Men are, by nature, violent, sexually predatory, and irresponsible” is a statement that could only have been penned by that notorious feminist man-hater, Andrea Dworkin. 2. It was that grumpy feminist kvetch, Betty Friedan, who said that men are “by nature oppressive, possessive, flesh-obsessed pigs,” and that “giving them advice on successful marriage is like offering Vikings a free booklet titled How Not to Pillage.” 3. “Men are not biologically as attuned to being committed fathers,” argued feminist law professor Catharine MacKinnon, advising other feminist lawyers on how to prevent fathers from getting custody of their children during divorce. No doubt you, brainy skirt! reader, picked up the trend. All of the above are False. But wait! If man-hating feminists didn’t utter those slanders against men, who did? Who are the male bashers who think men are biologically-driven, testosterone-crazed, violent and rapacious predators? Actually, it’s the anti-feminists! It turns out that some anti-feminist men have the most relentlessly negative view of the male species around. Here are the actual answers to the quiz: 1. Those sentiments are those of conservative writer and Republican Party advisor George Gilder. Gilder also blames feminism for seducing women into abandoning their natural roles as home-based wives and mothers and to seek satisfaction in the workplace in some vain imitation of men, which reverses nature’s plan and wreaks social havoc. 2. Actually, that was pop-biologist Robert Wright in his best-seller, The Moral Animal, arguing that males have a natural predisposition towards promiscuity, sex without love and parental indifference. Like other evolutionary psychologists, Wright believes that only by applying Darwinian evolutionary history can you make sense of the mating rituals at a college mixer. 3. This was written by right-wing family values proponent David Popenoe. “Left culturally unregulated, men’s sexual behavior can be promiscuous, their paternity casual, their commitment to families weak,” he says. It’s women’s fault—for going to work, seeking sexual freedom, and abandoning their natural role of constraining men. One final question. Extra credit. True or False? 4. “Boys will be boys.” False. Well, it’s a tautology, so on its face it’s true. It’s often accompanied with a shrug of bemused acknowledgment, maybe even a smug little grin. Like, “what did you expect? They’re boys, after all.” Do anti-feminist male bashers (men and women) really think so little of boys that they encourage us to throw up our hands in resignation and sigh at every single moment of men behaving badly? Actually, it’s ideas like this that are probably the most harmful to boys. American boys carry the weight of an avalanche of stereotypes and media images that insist that real men shoulder that impossible burden with no visible expenditure of effort— “naturally.” While one of feminism’s key projects was to free women from such stereotypes, to enable women to claim those traits and characteristics—like assertiveness, ambition, competence—that had previously been coded as “masculine,” young guys remain nearly as tightly bound in a straightjacket of stereotypes than ever. As I interviewed more than 400 young men for my book, Guyland, I found many confused, torn between the fantasy images in the media and the realities of their lives. How can they navigate the relentlessly homophobic and sexist peer culture while remaining faithful to their friends, partners, sisters and mothers? Some are angry, defensive and resistant to women’s public equality. Others quietly acquiesce. Many adopt a sort of public-private split: sensitive and caring in private, while being a bystander (at best) or a participant in the very behavior the anti-feminsts claim is so natural. Feminist women—and their male allies—set the bar a bit higher. Feminist women believe in men enough to know that we can be compassionate friends, nurturing parents, supportive colleagues and co-workers and loving partners and husbands. And do it in public. Feminist women wouldn’t insist on it unless they also believed we were biologically capable of it.

Michael Kimmel is the author of many books on masculinity, including Manhood in America and Guyland. He was one of the founders of NOMAS and teaches sociology at SUNY Stony Brook. 24 julyw2009greenville

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“Wow, look how much they’ve airbrushed her!

Do critical readings of women’s magazine covers—out loud—while

They put pictures like that

you’re in line at the grocery

on the magazines to make

store. “Wow, look how much the rest of us feel terrible they’ve airbrushed her!

about ourselves.” This helps

She doesn’t even look like

to decolonize your own

a human being anymore.

mind and also can serve as consciousness-raising for people in line with you.

[contributed by Alison Piepmeier] 26 julyw2009greenville

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C74 54<8=8BC A45;4G Is she crazy? Why on earth would she want to attend a school without men?

Kristin Hall

did not graduate from an all-girls school. I graduated from a womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college. The distinction between those two becomes more than just a case of bandying words. It can be a distinction of identity, a motivating force or a defensive explanation. It can even serve as a call to ideological arms. Most often, though, the distinction materializes in the form of a correction. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t you miss men at your all-girls school?â&#x20AC;? an unsuspecting person might ask. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college,â&#x20AC;? I would politely, but firmly, correct them. â&#x20AC;&#x153;So, Kristin, what classes are you taking this semester at your all-girls school?â&#x20AC;? a distant relative might inquire over lunch. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college,â&#x20AC;? I felt impelled to reply before I could move on to answer his question. And so on, in countless variations. At the end of four years of undergraduate education at a womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college, this obsessive desire for the correct term has become automatic. It becomes the most obvious signal of the general outlook that womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s education fosters. I call this way of thinking â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Feminist Reflex.â&#x20AC;? That the Feminist Reflex is a shared phenomenon became clear to me when I attended a conference alongside my fellow tutors for our collegeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Speaking Center. One of our peers, a male student leading a particular seminar, made the mistake of wishing to clarify that my coworkers and I represented an all-girls school. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college,â&#x20AC;? one of my coworkers cut in without hesitation. Every female in the room hooted with laughter and broke into applause. It seems that womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s colleges always feel the need to come out swinging. They must forever defend their existence by outlining the value of single-sex education to review boards, funding sources, the press, parents of prospective students and prospective students themselves. From the moment she accepts her offer of admission to a womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college, a new student has signed on for a long tenure in defensive mode. It begins with her fellow high school seniors: Is she crazy? Why on earth would she want to attend a school without men? Is she a lesbian? Does she think sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll become one? All too often, it seems the prospect of attending class in oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pajamas without giving it a second thought is not enough to answer for the old-fashioned yet somehow radical notion of singlesex learning. Small wonder, then, that we womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college advocates begin to develop a Feminist Reflex very early in the process. The Reflex isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t just made up of excuses. It stems from much deeper philosophical roots, nourished by the noticeably feminist angle attached to everything a womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college has to offer. It grows in a community that counts Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Studies as an academic major, in which Shakespeareâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s role not as the greatest writer of all time but as the mouthpiece for a patriarchal early-modern society is an accepted basic premise. The Feminist Reflex examines everyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s assumptions, quickly takes offense, refuses to just let things goâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;much to the annoyance of anyone, male or female, who has not spent four years in that kind of environment and who only wishes to make polite conversation at the dinner table. When my father proudly informed his friends that I had accepted my offer of admission from Agnes Scott College in Atlanta, they couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t resist a few jokes over their beers.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Uh-oh Jim,â&#x20AC;? came the argument as they good-naturedly jabbed him in the ribs, â&#x20AC;&#x153;youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll have a bra-burning radical on your hands for sure.â&#x20AC;? I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t burn any bras during my time at Agnes Scott, nor did anyone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; bras are expensive for one thing, and an Atlanta city ordinance restricts open fires. But the lack of incinerated lingerie results more from the fact that in spite of all the combative defensiveness, the presence of campus organizations like the Feminist Majority Leadership Alliance, the â&#x20AC;&#x153;radicalâ&#x20AC;? professors and an environment overflowing with estrogen, equality for women was not something we discussed much. Not because we didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care about feminist issues: I certainly do, and many of my friends were Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Studies majors. We didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t talk about feminism because, paradoxically enough, at a womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college, feminist issues donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t come to mind very often outside of class or extracurricular activities. Let me explain. Feminism, as I see it, reacts against the basic notion that women are somehow inherently inferior to men, and objects to any patronizing way of enforcing that view. Not too difficult to get behind. A feminist generally also feels that women are just as worthy asâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;and perhaps, when weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re feeling good about ourselves, even a tad bit smarter thanâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;men. This idea pervades everything about a womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college, and it gives rise to the Feminist Reflex: We are not girls, you patronizing jerk, but women, embodying the full range of maturity and glory that word implies. But hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the thing...at a womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college, I suddenly found myself surrounded by strong, intelligent females who could easily conquer the world but still made time for weekly gatherings to watch old Disney movies. I discussed matters of great importance with them during class. I ate lunch with them every day. I went out on the town with them at night. And amazingly enough, we never sat around plotting the violent demise of the patriarchy. We actually rather liked men. Surrounded by each other, we felt no need to spare much thought for the idea that women could be smart and independent, because that idea seemed so natural as to be almost silly. The stereotypical Feminist Reflex, that tempestuous set of angry questions and defenses, is a byproduct of womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s education. It is never the goal. The summer after graduation, I worked as a teaching assistant at a summerschool program for gifted students. I had been assigned to the session held at Duke Universityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Marine Lab on the coast of North Carolina, teaching the only literature course amidst a group of marine science classes. When I arrived at staff housing the first day to unload my bags, I was delighted to learn that I had been given my own room. The sign on my door, though, gave me pause. The announcement identifying my room was simple, printed in bold black letters on a white piece of paper: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Kristin Hall: The Girl Teaching Assistant.â&#x20AC;? Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college, my Feminist Reflex automatically corrected. Immediately my mind flooded with questions. What did it mean that I was the only female teaching assistant in a group of male instructors? Further, what did it mean that I was teaching the only literature course, that there were no female T.A.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s for the science courses? Should I check the signs on the male assistantsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; doors, and if their signs said â&#x20AC;&#x153;menâ&#x20AC;? instead of â&#x20AC;&#x153;boys,â&#x20AC;? did the fact that mine dubbed me a â&#x20AC;&#x153;girlâ&#x20AC;? reveal a chauvinist attitude on the part of the Residential Director? I laughed at myself. I took a picture of the sign, making a mental note to email it to my friends from Agnes Scott later. Then I entered my room, unpacked, and prepared to be a knockout at my job. That, after all, is what a womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s college trained me to do.

A member of the Agnes Scott College class of 2007, Kristin Hall recently returned to Atlanta after earning an M.A. in Shakespeare Studies in Stratford-upon-Avon, England. She currently works for the Education Department at the New American Shakespeare Tavern.

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julyw2009greenvilleâ&#x20AC;&#x192; 29

Last year, at the age of 14, Morgan walked into Atlanta’s Elite Model

Morgan Marie Brown

Management and walked out with a modeling contract. But this teen fashionista has brains as well as beauty—evidenced by her Beta Club and “A” Honor Roll performance at Greer High School. Although her life this past year has been a whirlwind of travel for jobs, Morgan stays grounded by singing in the Honors Choir and playing team volleyball at school, as well as helping with local charities such as the Soup Kitchen and Relay for Life. Something we may not know about Morgan? “I can make a

“Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.” really impressive goat noise :).”

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30 julyw2009greenville

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My hometown: Springfield, Massachusetts. My job: Speech & Language Pathologist (One of the few Spanish speaking in the area). I’m inspired by: My daughter, Elise. I am most proud of: I’ve been a single parent since my daughter was 18 months old, but I did not let that stop me from getting my Master’s degree recently at age 44! My best friend says I am: Crazy, wild, and fearless.

If I could be totally wild, I would: Go on a singles cruise with my best friend in California. My best bargain find: $800.00 for a Malibu Classic back in the 1980s. It never broke down! When I grow up, I want to be: An old speech and language pathologist, retired on a beach. The smartest woman I know: My grandmother in Puerto Rico. I am a feminist because: I define me!