march
Greenville, SC
free!
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Give more than you’re asked for.
❋ Go
incognito in Jackie O. sunglasses at the supermarket.
❋ Put a heart sticker on
the calendar each time you exercise.
Sleeping in shea butter. ❋ Be kinder than you need to be.
❋
Pushups instead of
push-up bras. ❋ Disable the envy switch. Pick a word for the year and work it.
❋
Start Dress-Up Fridays in your office.
Unclench your jaw. Right now.
❋ Make
Kiva loans and reinvest the repayments.
❋ Put stuff on the sidewalk with a FRee sign.
❋ Stop saving frequent flyer miles
for a rainy day—upgrade to 1st class.
❋
Splurge on a Perfecto biker
jacket—they’ll copy your swagger.
Never fence in your wild dreams. Cover art by Pep Montserrat
“I felt like a million dollars; I was adventuring in the crazy American night.” Jack Kerouac
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Let’s Have A
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“it”
Next month we will begin to answer some of the questions that you have submitted… That’s what we are here for – So, meet us here next month for real questions submitted by women (you) and answered by women (us). Thank you for your input. Remember, all inquires will remain anonymous. Email your questions to info@proaxistherapy.com
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march
features Saturday Without My Wallet Darcy Fryer .............................................................................................14 about skirt!
Odd Jobs
Publisher Nikki Hardin editor@skirt.com
Sandra Martin..........................................................................................16
Greenville Editor Sheril Bennett Turner sheril.turner@skirt.com
Odd Jobs Allison Hall ...............................................................................................18
National Art Director Caitilin McPhillips caitilin.mcphillips@skirt.com
Odd Jobs
Director of Sales Angela Filler angela.filler@skirt.com
Dee Culbertson ...................................................................................20
Sales Executive Kathryn Barmore kathryn.barmore@skirt.com
When I Grow Up Barbara Burris..........................................................................................24
Graphic Designer Shelli H. Rutland
How I Became a Miser
Photographers John Fowler Sheril Bennett Turner
Emily Rosenbaum ................................................................................26
Sales 864.357.3669
The F-Word: “Should We Really Settle?” Michelle Cove ........................................................................................28
FAX: 864.751.2815
sheMAIL 1708-C Augusta ST. #335 Greenville, SC 29605
subscribe! For a one-year Subscription (12 issues), send a $35 check to:
ineveryissue
skirt!Greenville 1708-C Augusta ST. #335 Greenville, SC 29605
From the Publisher/Editor...................................................................8 Letters..............................................................................................................9 Skirt of the Month................................................................................12
skirt! is
Calendar......................................................................................................13
all about women... their work, play, families, creativity, style, health and wealth, bodies and souls. skirt! is an attitude...spirited, independent, outspoken, serious, playful and irreverent, sometimes controversial, always passionate.
He’s So Original with Jason Profit...............................................22 Products.......................................................................................................25 Feel Good..................................................................................................27 skirt! Alerts/Brava/It’s a Shame...................................................29 Girl Power with Sarah Elizabeth Cash......................................30 skirt! Loves..............................................................................................31
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skirt! is published monthly and distributed free throughout the greater Greenville area. skirt! Reserves the right to refuse to sell space for any advertisement the staff deems inappropriate for the publication. Unsolicited manuscripts must be accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Letters to the editor are welcome, but may be edited due to space limitations. Press releases must be received by the 1st of the month for the following month’s issue. All content of this magazine, including without limitation the design, advertisements, art, photos and editorial content, as well as the selection, coordination and management thereof, is Copyright © 2009, Morris Publishing Group, LLC. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this magazine may be copied or reprinted without the express written permission of the publisher. SKIRT!® is a registered trademark of Morris Publishing Group, LLC.
6
Marchw2010greenville
24/7 with Sari Leinonen Farrell.....................................................32 Browse..........................................................................................................33 Planet Nikki................................................................................................34
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Wedge Your Way In
2222 Augusta Rd., Ste.5
Greenville, SC • 864.271.9750
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Marchw2010greenville
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from the publisher
cover artist
the ka-ching! issue
Pep Montserrat was born in
My house is filled with crap that at one time or another seemed like a good
Roda de Ter, near Barcelona. He has created illustrations
idea to buy. What, I wonder, was I thinking? Manolo Blahniks that hurt too
for El País, La Vanguardia,
much to wear, clothes I thought would make me look like Kate Moss, scores
The New York Times, Chicago Tribune, The Wall Street Journal, The Boston Globe, the New Yorker, Harpers’s Magazine, Travel + Leisure and other newspapers and magazines in the United States and Spain. He has also illustrated several children’s books, some of which have been published in Spain, France, Italy, USA, Switzerland, Brazil, Korea and Portugal. His work on children’s books has won numerous awards and honors. He currently teaches illustration at La Massana Art School in Barcelona. For more details, visit pepmontserrat.com.
skirt!
of CDs of artists I liked for about 15 minutes and art I bought under the influence of a glass or two of wine and then deeply regretted. Things meant
Let us know what’s on your mind, respond to an article, or give us info on an upcoming event. Send letters or press releases to sheril.turner@skirt.com, or mail to skirt! Greenville, 1708-C Augusta St. #335, Greenville, SC 29605.
to fill in the blanks. But the possession that meant the most to me was one
We are always looking for new writers and artists. Our guidelines for writers and artists are available online at skirt.com. Submit artwork or essays via e-mail to submissions@skirt.com. Check out our website at skirt.com for giveaways, essays, and other extras that aren’t in the print edition.
time she set the table with it on special occasions, and I was thrilled and proud
I didn’t have—the set of French china that belonged to my grandmother who mostly raised me and which was meant to go to me after her death. I remember her holding one of the thin plates up to the light so that I could see her hand through it when I was child. I asked for the history behind the old china every
that it would someday pass on to me. But as these things happen, my estranged father and his second wife got my dishes in the free-for-all grab for goods that took place when my grandmother died. For years after, it ate at me. Not only did I not have my dishes, but to add salt to the wound, they had been “stolen” by the man who stole my childhood and ruined my mother’s life. When my father’s wife died, he gave my grandmother’s dishes to my little brother in a
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sweeping gesture of reconciliation, and my brother then sneaked them to me. I was ecstatic. I had won! The gravy bowl, the soup tureen, the delicate cups and saucers were all going to heal that bitter lack I’d been nursing for so long. But when I opened the boxes and started carefully unwrapping each piece, I knew right away that the magic was gone. They were just inert porcelain,
got news? Send calendar events to the editor. Inclusion will be based on available space each month.
beautiful dishes that didn’t fit my lifestyle. Because when I held them up to the light, the shadow of my grandmother’s hand was missing, that beautiful X-ray of love that no money can ever return to me.
Nikki
publisher@skirt.com
from the editor I’m not 100% certain, but I have the profound notion that the only people prospering during this recession are those in the funeral business, grocery stores, and my hairdresser. Since my husband and I are both self-employed in occupations not currently on the “live long and prosper” list, we’ve been forced to tighten our already tight belts. Now I’m not dying (literally) to save money, and no self-respecting Southern girl would ever skimp on her hair, so I decided to contribute to the cost-cutting cause by taking a couponing class. The two hour seminar was only $10, and as I sat enthralled with 99 other ladies, I had visions of buying $300 worth of groceries for only 25 cents. Pumped, I returned home to tell my spouse. Now hubby, bless his heart, has an uncanny knack for seeing the big financial picture, so his only question to me was, “Heck, why can’t you just make $500 an hour by teaching couponing?” Well, duh…
❉ skirt .c
❉
skir t. c
v
it
c
! s u is
❉ skirt .
skirt.com
m
m
Marchw2010greenville
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o
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sheril.turner@skirt.com
m
Sheril
dearskirt! Thank you so much for allowing me to participate in your magazine. I just read the article in the January skirt! issue
Spring is quickly approaching! New clothes and gift items arriving daily!
Seasonal Clearance going on now!
and it was great! You did a really good
Loved your new issue— loved your words—what a great read. Hello! I’m the publicity chair for the Newcomers Club of Greater Greenville, a non-profit organization made up of nearly 500 new residents (mostly women) of the upstate of all ages, backgrounds, and walks of life. I’m writing to you because skirt! focuses
job at telling my story. Thanks again for the opportunity. Selena Henderson Simpsonville, SC
Store Hours Sun. & Mon. By appointment only Tues. - Fri. 11am-5pm
I visited greenville.skirt.com and saw my 24/7 profile and also found the January skirt! on the stands today. I think it turned out really well. Thanks so much for the opportunity. You’re
Sat. 10am-2pm
864.269.5002
www.lollipoptotz.com 10 Halter Dr., Hwy. 153, Powdersville
awesome! Julie Brown Realtor® – JOY Real Estate Co. Greenville, SC
on empowering women, and the newcomers club is a way for women new to the area to meet each other, make friends, and learn about the area. Our club has over 20 activities that have different events throughout the month to satisfy our members’ appetites for exploring new things. Each year the Newcomers also help a charity and this year our chosen charity is Safe Harbor, a shelter for battered women. We are volunteering, as well as raising funds for them this year, in hopes of shedding new light on domestic violence. For more information, your readers can go to orgsites.com/sc/greenvillenewcomers. Chaundra Luckett Newcomers Club of Greater Greenville Greenville, SC
I first found skirt! in Charleston and was glad to find it in Greenville. We live in Clemson, so skirt! encourages me
Loved your new issue—loved your words—what a great read. I was about to place the paper back in the pile and then I decided to read the comments— and saw the comment about the article you did for me in the skirt! November 2009 issue. How wonderful! Thanks! Dr. Michael Siebert Optometrist and OneSight clinic team volunteer Greenville, SC
...include articles touching on so many of the women’s issues that my generation has been so deeply involved in.
to explore Greenville after my Pilates session once a week. It’s especially interesting to note that you include articles touching on so many of the women’s issues that my generation has been so deeply involved in. That attention is sadly needed here in South Carolina. Great work! Ashley Robinson Clemson, SC
I just read the January skirt! and I loved it! Sheril, you are such a good writer, I
priceless
always love to read your editor’s page. Keep up the good work! Cynda LuClaire Artist Greenville, SC
Have an opinion? Email sheril.turner@skirt.com. All letters to the editor must include the writer’s name and city/state.
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Marchw2010greenville
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Your best friend The first day of spring More Vitamin D daylight Pizza night Reading in bed
10 
Marchw2010greenville
skirt.com
march [ The Ka-Ching! Issue ]
Who’s got the junket in the trunk?
is about the same
46.3 million Americans don’t have a choice
Wo r k i n g
w o m e n
w o u l d
r a t h e r
b e
d o l l a r e d
Only if you’re willing to bet your retirement
on a Betty Boop scratch-off stay at home or start a business? Why not both?
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Traci Daberko is an illustrator and graphic designer in Seattle, WA. See her work at daberkodesign.com. Reese Silk Skirt by Leona • Mary 10 West Lewis Plaza, Greenville • 864.232.5125
12
Marchw2010greenville
skirt.com
march Find more events at greenville.skirt.com/event
sunday
monday
3
7
Grab the kids and get ready to dim the lights and raise the curtain— Mickey Mouse is in the house and he’s setting the stage for fun at Disney Live! Rockin Road Show. bilocenter.com Celebrate St. Paddy’s early this year with the 10th Annual Return to the Green Irish Festival in Falls Park, featuring food, music, and dancers from the Emerald Isle. Sponsored by the Irish Cara Organization. irishcaraclub.com
8
International Women’s Day (IWD) is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future. Cabaret cool, smooth, and wryly funny—Max Raabe & Palast Orchester charmingly command the stage and croon the audience back to a bygone era. palastorchester.de or peacecenter.org
The Blu Martini’s flickering candlelight and hip attitude gives this below-ground club big-city ambience. Happy hour specials are a great bargain Tuesday through Friday evenings. 864.242.5743
The Carolina Youth Symphony and the Greenville Little Theatre present A Streetcar Named Desire. greenvillelittletheatre.org or carolinayouthsymphony.org
9
An old Nash Rambler car dealership is now the front line of creative culture in downtown Spartanburg, SC. HUB-BUB offers more than 100 nights of art, culture and entertainment a year in the Showroom Gallery and Performance Hall. hub-bub.com.
Don’t miss vocalist Pat Monahan, guitarist Jimmy Stafford, and drummer Scott Underwood of Grammy-Award-winning Train. trainline.com or peacecenter.org It’s Vinyl Night every Tuesday at Horizon Records. Get your groove on as DJs play vintage soul, funk, blues, rock, jazz, reggae, Latin and more. blog.horizonrecords. net
4
The International Center of the Upstate and Mothering across Continents presents From War to Wisdom: A Young Man’s Dream to Educate a Country, a presentation, Q&A and photo exhibit with Lubo “James” Mijak, a Lost Boy of the Sudan. motheringacross continents.org or internationalupstate.org
TRAVEL TIP
Sign up for the two-day Roxy Women’s Learn to Ski Camps for beginners at Whistler/Blackcomb, the official Alpine skiing venue of the 2010 Olympic Games.There are two camps in March and another in April. whistlerblackcomb.com
Sniffing peppermint improves running speed and typing speed.
High Five to Us!
Buy a copy of Putumayo’s Women of the World Acoustic CD to pay tribute to International Women’s Day on March 8. A portion of sales is donated to the Global Fund for Women.
21
ShalomFest ‘10 is the Second Annual Upstate SC Jewish Food and Cultural Festival, featuring Jewish and Israeli foods, music, dancing, singing and crafts for children. Visitors will have the opportunity to attend a mock Jewish Wedding, a Bar Mitzvah, and a Passover Seder and there will be Israel and Holocaust Exhibits. templeofisrael.org
T]Y^h
16-21
Based on an 1891 German play, Spring Awakening is an adventurous musical that tells the timeless story of adolescents coming of age and confronting their passions and emotions in a repressive society. Mature audiences only. springawakening.com and peacecenter.org
Join one of folk rock’s most celebrated singer/ songwriters, Shawn Colvin. shawncolvin.com or peacecenter.org Don’t miss Brad Paisley’s American Saturday Night Tour 2010. bradpaisley. musiccitynetworks.com or bilocenter.com
4-7
The Home Builder’s Association of Greenville presents the 49th Annual Southern Home & Garden Show at the Carolina First Center. hbaofgreenville.com
17
6-7
Travel to all corners of America, from the glitz and glamour of Broadway to the down-home spirit of backwoods bluegrass as Carolina Ballet Theatre presents We the People. carolinaballet.org or peacecenter.org The Carolina First Reedy River Run features children’s races the evening of March 5 at Linky Stone Park. The event’s 5K run/walk and RRCA Championship 10K race will take place on March 6. greenvilletrackclub.com
The Reckoning:The Battle for the International Criminal Court is an epic, nail-biting account of the new International Criminal Court’s struggle to prosecute perpetrators of crimes against humanity as the Court fights to establish its own credibility on the world stage. hrw.org/en/iff/reckoning or peacecenter.org
~Emily Dickinson
[ The first day of spring is March 20th ]
The leprechauns will come out today when the Blarney Bash returns to downtown Main Street in Greenville! Call 864.250.8066 for more information. For a unique Celtic experience, The Farm at Old Edwards in Highlands, NC will play host to a unique “stepped up” version of St. Patrick’s Day with an Irish Feast and Party. oldedwardsinn.com
18
Downtown Alive, a fundraiser for the Metropolitan Arts Council that features a mix of pop, blues, acoustic and reggae performances, starts tonight and runs through August. greenvillesc.gov
Mothers are the major breadwinners in 40% of American families.
25-26
M A R C H Challenge
Get ready to laugh when Madea’s Big Happy Family starring Tyler Perry comes to town! bilocenter.com
Julia Cameron (The Artist’s Way) calls the unexpected times when we’re stopped in our tracks by beauty “singing moments.” This month, look for singing moments throughout each day that give you pause from manic multitasking.
E FR
5-6 1
12
It’s Trivia Night every Thursday night at Wild Ace Pizza and Pub in Greer, with special prizes for 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place! thewildace.com
E!
Print out a copy of the Eccentricity Revolution for Wild Women poster at blisschick.net and pass it on to teenage girls in your life.
saturday
funday
“Spring is the Period Express from God.”
Couldn’t make our publisher’s Pecha Kucha talk on creativity? Search “Nikki Hardin” on YouTube.
The global earning power of women is expected to reach $18 trillion by 2014.
thursday
wednesday
tuesday
19
Wind up your work week listening and dancing to the best in jazz, beach, and blues music performed by local, regional, and national talent. Starting tonight and running through September, check out Main Street Fridays. greenvillesc.gov
19-20 Anne Graham Lotz, founder of AnGeL Ministries and daughter of Dr. and Mrs. Billy Graham, presents the free revival Just Give Me Jesus. annegrahamlotz.com or bilocenter.com
26
In Sada, An unlikely friendship is forged between New York Jewish widow Sada, played by Shirley Sarlin, and the young Hispanic burglar who tries to rob her. Opens tonight and runs through April 10. warehousetheatre.com
Join young Roger, a quiet schoolboy often hassled and bullied by his classmates—that is, before his daydreams during history class transport him to a pirate ship that takes him away on an unforgettable high-seas adventure! Set sail with the Jolly Roger at the Peace Center. peacecenter.org
13 Create hope, inspire change and celebrate success as some 4,000 walkers come together to fight heart disease and strokes at the Upstate SC Heart Walk. AmericanHeart.org Don’t miss some of the greatest professional bull riders from all over the world, It’s SuperBull! bilocenter.com The Greenville Symphony presents their annual Black & White Ball, a wonderful evening with a sit-down dinner, silent and live auctions and dancing with a live band. greenvillesymphony.org
20
The Greenville Symphony Orchestra Spotlight Series presents Treasures Old & New. greenvillesymphony. org or centrestage.org Can you make it in the wild? Find out at Chimney Rock Park’s Naturalist Series: Survival Skills. chimneyrockpark.com The American Heart Association presents a local favorite, the Upstate Heart Ball, better known as the Red Dress Ball. americanheart.org
27-28
Once every four years, a select few young pianists emerge victorious from the Van Cliburn International Piano Competition. Join GSO for Champion of the Keyboard. greenvillesymphony.org or peacecenter.org
26-27
As famous as Giselle, come to cheer for true love at Coppelia. internationalballetcompany. org or peacecenter.org skirt.com
Marchw2010greenville
13
Why did I crave this constant flow of small expenditures?
T
Darcy Fryer
he Jewish Sabbath is a festival of liberation, but for the uninitiated, it can also be quite a workout. No work is done on Shabbat, no commerce transacted. In the first winter of my observance, I diligently prepared Shabbat dinner every week, rose early on Saturday morning and walked two miles to synagogue. My enthusiasm carried me that far, but once I left shul, my resolution faltered. It was always the little things that tripped me up: stopping for a cup of coffee, hopping on a bus, nipping into Rite Aid to see if my favorite shade of lipstick was in stock and then treating myself to a tuna sandwich, pickles and potato chips at the tumble-down deli by the architecture school. From a material standpoint, I needed none of these things. Yet I could not still my acquisitive impulse, my psychological need to assert my identity by spending a few dollars. The very idea of not carrying a wallet frightened me. When the film You’ve Got Mail debuted, I shamefully recognized myself in Tom Hanks’s grousing: “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee.” I didn’t want to be the person who needed to order a “Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!” in order to acquire “an absolutely defining sense of self.” Twenty-five hours without spending money hardly seems like a marathon. After a few months of being repeatedly waylaid by my fixation on petty indulgences, I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Why did I crave this constant flow of small expenditures? I soon realized that spending for comfort was a pattern set early in life. I grew up in genteel poverty, wearing hand-me-down clothes, going without the expensive orthodontia my classmates had, sharing a room with my brother until 7th grade. But my mother loves small indulgences: ice cream runs, two-day vacations, baubles from the dime store and the dollar store. Her cure for almost any grief turns on “self-care,” buying a new outfit or a distracting DVD or going out for a meal or maybe just dessert. It isn’t about conspicuous consumption; she buys books at the bargain table and hoards coupons. Her theory is that the mere act of spending, even in a conspicuously modest manner, brings solace. This psychological tic mirrors larger social attitudes. Money is a tool we use to make identity; it is something we use to assert our individual tastes and selfworth. It is also a symbol of independence. For many Americans, carrying a wallet is the most fundamental act of citizenship. A child’s beginning to carry money is, like carrying a latchkey, a rite of passage, one of the first small steps towards adulthood. A college student’s acquisition of a credit card in her own name is a
later, larger step. Losing control over one’s own money at the end of life is one of the most painful symbols of losing the ability to care for oneself. Even in these cash-strapped times, many people find it humiliating not to spend constantly—a sign not just of poverty, but of lack of freedom. When I first explained the concept of Shabbat to my friend Weina, she listened intently and then announced, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “Why not?” I demanded. “Well,” she countered, “what if you need to go to a movie?” Chuckling, I explained there was no such thing as “needing” to go to a movie and that there were, in any case, six other days of the week on which I might see any films I felt I “needed” to see. Weina merely shook her head. To her, declining to spend money one day out of seven seemed painfully restrictive and antisocial, almost antagonistic— she could hardly imagine a leisure activity that excluded the possibility of consumerism. Like many people I knew, she was convinced that a person just couldn’t function in American society without constant recourse to her wallet. Leaving my wallet at home on Saturday has sometimes isolated me. It means letting go—of certain indulgences, of certain bargains, of certain opportunities for entertainment and socializing, but also of a certain fussiness that pervades the six wallet-carrying days of my week. Gradually, I’ve come to see knee-jerk spending and workaholism as similar neuroses—they are both frantic attempts to define oneself by some external, universally understood yardstick. There is dignity in labor, to be sure, but not in unceasing labor; a fully human life is marked by days of labor and days of rest. And just as everyone needs some intervals of freedom from labor, so too does everyone need some intervals of freedom from spending, some moments of leisure and letting go. I do take pleasure in spending, just as I take pleasure in my work, but I don’t want either to define me totally. There is joy in treating oneself to an expertly made cappuccino on a rainy Sunday morning; there is joy in debuting a new outfit at the office. But there is no joy in feeling that you’re no one without a credit card in your pocket. In the end—it took me several months to make the leap—I learned to go happily cashless on Shabbat. I learned to relish life within the confines of what I already owned and what I could have for free: my thoughts, my prayers, reading, singing, conversation, nature. For me, the restfulness of Shabbat comes from leaving off spending, even more than it comes from leaving off work. It is a pause that allows me to be at rest with my identity, instead of constantly seeking to define and redefine myself through a stream of mundane or adventurous purchases. If you decide to try it, pick a day, anticipate your needs and leave the wallet at home. Eat from your own cupboard; drink your own coffee. This is not about spending less; it’s about getting in touch with your mind, your soul and the richness of the life you already have. For one day, you can let your identity rest on what you find in your own home and what you find within yourself. And then go back to the hurly-burly world of getting and spending, mindful of who you really are, with or without the cappuccino.
Darcy R. Fryer is a historian and teacher. Her essays have appeared in CJ: Voices of Conservative Judaism, Lilith, and Kerem (forthcoming). She lives in New York City. 14
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odd jobs
Sandra Martin | Funeral Director for Pets Five years ago, while working for a local funeral home, Sandra received a phone call from a distraught friend. “Her beloved pet had passed in the night and she thought I could cremate him at work,” says Sandra. Since it is against the law to mingle the remains of pets and humans, Sandra picked up the 60 lb. pet and took it to a local pet crematory instead. When the ashes were ready, Sandra returned them to her friend in a special wooden urn, along with a booklet about pet loss and a death certificate. Her friend was so touched that she implored Sandra to continue helping other pet owners. What started as a spare time endeavor for the licensed funeral director became a full-time business last year when Sandra was laid off from the funeral home. “DignityPet Mortuary Service became an opportunity to offer a much needed service with a personal touch,” Sandra says. “I love pet owners, because they aren’t selfish.” Photo by John Fowler
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odd jobs
Allison Hall | Tattoo Artist Once the counter girl at Physical Graffiti South Tattoo Shop, Allison convinced tattoo artist Rex Barnes to let her apprentice with him. Already an artist in her own right, Allison soon became the first and only (still!) female tattoo artist in Greenville. “So here I am,” she says, “doing what so many only dream of...working at a job they love. I get to meet new people with amazing stories and amazing lives; it’s never the same old thing. Every day I get to challenge myself and create permanent artwork on walking canvases.” Three things most people don’t know about this gritty gal? She has a degree in Christian Studies, she was a full-time musician before she started tattooing, and she was adopted and recently found her biological family. “My goal,” says Allison, “is to just be me.” Move over Kat Von D! Photo by John Fowler
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odd jobs
Dee Culbertson | Concierge Service Owner Dee’s odd job is, well, doing odd jobs for others. And, as owner of Palmetto Concierge, some of these jobs have been interesting. “My first job was delivering a package to Charles Barkley. He was very nice,” Dee laughs. “I also flew to Albuquerque, NM with one of my clients to pick up a Papillion.” Before starting her business, Dee was involved in a crazy retail career, working 80 hours a week. “I always wished I had a personal assistant—or that there were two of me—because some things went undone in my personal life. Life is overwhelming at times. That’s where I come in. I can take the pressure off.” When Dee needs to release a little pressure herself, you can usually find her lying on a beach reading a good book, enjoying a spa day, or working in her flower beds. “It’s therapeutic,” she says. Photo by John Fowler
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HE’S SO ORIGINAL
Jason Profit is Spirited Some know Jason as one of the most trusted psychics in the Upstate. Others know him as the guy who created the Greenville Ghost Tour. “Telling ghost stories comes naturally,” Jason admits. “When I was a child, my mother helped folks get rid of spirits in their homes.” Jason’s career as a palm reader, psychic and paranormal investigator materialized out of a rebellious youth. “I was intent on debunking all things of a mystical nature. Along the journey I discovered that I was supposed to publically share with people the gifts and insights that had been shared with me.” Jason has another gift, though, not quite as helpful. “Forks actually bend sometimes when I don’t want them to,” Jason laughs. “Restaurants tend to hide their silverware when they see me coming.” What do you love about skirt magazine? “What’s NOT to love?” How do you feel wearing a skirt? “I am feeling drawn to a past life in which I was much more connected to my Celtic roots.” Photo by John Fowler
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“Take your time...Use this opportunity to figure out what you’d really like to do.”
Barbara Burris
I
got my first clue things were shifting when they changed the name of the Personnel Department to Human Resources. That title brought to mind bodies wearing pressed suits and hanging from huge hooks, cycling around on a motorized rack like the one in the dry cleaners. A neat filing system, it displayed unlimited selections to replace the used-up models that had been piled into the roll-off dumpster in the alley. My second clue arrived the morning after the merger papers were signed. Smelly, disgusting ashtrays now resided in front of every elevator bank and polluted the conference rooms and cafeteria tables. The company that had a long-established history of valuing its employees was changing. Employees were “invited” to attend huge meetings starring the top echelon of players speaking on confusing topics such as, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Unnerving rumors of layoffs filtered through every department. White binders began to appear in the arms of teary-eyed coworkers. Slim white plastic binders held severance information. Prepared in secrecy, they were presented to the unlucky ones at the moment of their firing. When my supervisor casually plucked mine from the stack on her desk, it took a moment to sink in. I stared at it blankly while my brain came to an abrupt halt and then raced to catch up with what she’d been saying for the past three minutes. The fact that my wonderful job had evaporated along with my equally wonderful paycheck took about a week to sink in. My severance package would give me some time to figure myself out, to decide, as the astute vice president had put it, what I wanted to be when I grew up. But like a cocky 16-year-old with her first job and her own set of keys to the family car, I was certain I’d already grown up. So I followed everyone else to the outplacement offices that had been set up to attempt to funnel a thousand employees back into a collapsing job market. My husband, Bruce, saw my situation for what it was—a gift. He knew I loved my job. But he also knew the stress it caused was beginning to affect my health in the form of increasingly high blood pressure. “Take your time,” he said. “Use this opportunity to figure out what you’d really like to do.” But I was worried about our future. My three step-children were growing fast, and their needs were increasing proportionately. I went to the outplacement offices every day, determined to find that replacement job. Whenever someone did find employment, the outplacement personnel brought in a large cake, and we all feted the person as we would have for a birthday celebration. The good wishes and camaraderie were genuine but tainted with envy and fear that the
rest of us might never be so lucky. After a few months, the cakes came much less frequently. Those who remained had taken on the funereal pallor of lost spirits. People I’d known for years as dynamic and capable wandered the aisles looking like lost children. They sat slumped over newspapers in tiny cubicles, making calls on jobs for which they were vastly overqualified. I began to feel caught up in their hopelessness. Desperate to escape that trap, I stopped going altogether. Bruce encouraged me to go hiking with my friends and spend time outdoors in the sunlight and fresh air. Having time to lie in the hammock and read was something I hadn’t experienced since junior high. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed these pleasures. But I felt guilty enjoying myself. My severance package would be running out soon. Each interview produced more anxiety. The only jobs available in my field required longer commutes, later hours and more travel. When I faltered on basic interview questions, I realized I was forcing myself into something I didn’t want. I’d begun to reset my priorities. I decided to try out other ideas. Telling myself it would only be temporary, I answered an ad for a “jack of all trades” job four blocks from home. When asked to type a brief story on the topic “what I did on my summer vacation” as part of the interview process, I was instantly amused. Within a week, I started the job. The other employees in the small office shared my warped sense of humor. I could feel my enthusiasm returning. The lower salary was offset somewhat by the fact that I no longer needed an expensive wardrobe, could walk to work and had to pay less for our medical insurance. I ate lunches at home and even had time to walk my dog before returning to work. The best part was that I was assured of having every evening and weekend with my family. By spring I’d grown comfortable and didn’t feel the push to move on. Still, my internal censor fought that decision. I should be looking for something more challenging, something with a higher salary, it told me. When I went for my annual medical check-up and found my blood pressure had slipped back into a normal range, however, I realized maybe this choice wasn’t so bad after all. A few months later, a doctor I knew offered me part-time work on his research project. I found it fascinating. It provided extra money and I enjoyed working at home and regulating my own hours. As the kids grew older, I began doing medical dictation transcription and took on additional clients. Former co-workers went on to other corporate jobs with bigger salaries. They also dealt with the stress of increasingly common mergers and layoffs. My job remained constant, and my business thrived. No more leaving a warm bed at 5am on a Sunday morning to climb into a limo and head off to the airport. Instead, I was making pancakes in the kitchen with my family. I’d figured out what I wanted to be. I had finally grown up.
Barbara Burris lives with her husband, Bruce, in a log cabin in rural Wisconsin. In addition to studying writing at UW Madison, she enjoys watercolors, photography and gardening. 24
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25
It’s exhausting to be me.
W
Emily Rosenbaum
hen we were engaged to be married, back in the halcyon days of early 2001, my husband and I participated in an elaborate mating ritual that has taken hold deep within American culture. We registered for gifts. Daily cutlery, heavy silver forks, All-Clad pots in several different sizes, formal china for all those state dinners we would be serving, gravy boats, nesting mixing bowls and a much-longed-for salad spinner that retailed for $25.99. Among this orgy of conspicuous consumption was a set of everyday dinnerware from Villeroy and Bosch. We were, we thought, the height of elegance with our matching set of twelve large dishes, eight smaller plates for salad and chocolate cake, and eight bowls that we included even though they seemed far too small for cereal, all decorated with teal leaves scattered about with calculated randomness. “If we ever get tired of them, we can replace them down the road,” Jacob reasoned. I agreed, drugged as I was with the first flush of love. Well, the love affair has ended. Not with the husband, who I still adore, but with those gleaming new dishes. The absurdly small bowls are chipped along the edges and those teal leaves have long since lost their appeal. I fantasize regularly about an eclectic mix of pottery, crafted by local artists in their studios and then casually assembled in our cabinets. I secretly troll Etsy, wondering if six different sets of dinner plates for two would be difficult to stack. At night, I dream of craft fairs. “Just replace the damned dishes,” my husband mumbles as he wanders past me at the computer, drooling over a set of six handmade bowls. “We can’t replace the dishes,” I reply. “They still work just fine.” “But you hate them. I hate them. They’re ugly. And a few new dishes just aren’t that expensive.” I sigh and look up at him. Really, he must know what I am about to say, since I’ve said it myriad times before in untold numbers of conversations about everything from cell phones to mops. “It’s not about the money,” I tell him. Of course, he knows that. It’s never about the money with me.
For me, it’s all about the environment. Somewhere between 2001 and 2010, we spawned a set of children, little people for whom I am responsible. Little people who will grow to be big people who will need water and food and preferably some air to breathe on occasion. The children, combined with the wake-up call that was Hurricane Katrina, turned the starry-eyed girl who had registered for all that stuff into a hard-bitten miser. Unlike the traditional miser, however, I am not loath to spend money. Instead, I am terrified of using up natural resources. No longer can I blithely buy new things because they are on sale or pretty or even just because I want them. No, every new purchase has to be carefully weighed for its cost—not in terms of dollars and cents—but in terms of pollution, landfills and carbon emissions. It’s exhausting to be me. It’s even worse to be my husband, who desperately wants a television manufactured in the last decade. I must say, Jacob has been remarkably patient, considering he has basically suffered a bait-and-switch. Back when he decided to spend the rest of his life with me, he had every reason to believe I was more or less okay with conspicuous consumption. I was, after all, right there registering with him as we scanned barcodes with abandon up and down the aisles of Crate & Barrel. Now, he finds himself married to a woman who will spend three months looking for a missing flip flop, rather than simply buying a new pair. I even once committed to an entire year of buying only secondhand clothes, which meant that I pretty much bought nothing and just walked around in 12-year-old sweat pants. Jacob puts up with all of this, despite the fact that I inflict my eco-frugality on the entire family. Because he knows it is important to me, he has agreed to many of my environmental regulations, from using rags instead of paper towels to turning off the tap between rinsing each dish. You don’t even want to know how mellow we let our yellow get around here. My husband is less sanguine about the fact that I keep the thermostat at a balmy 65 degrees all winter long, but he knows that’s a losing battle. Clearly, although we screwed up picking our dishes, I chose my spouse very wisely. Sometimes, however, all the man wants is to replace his gym bag without a 20-minute discussion of the ecological ramifications. It’s no wonder that every now and again, he sneaks out to the mall. I don’t blame him. Hell, I would do almost anything to replace those damned dishes. I just can’t bring myself to do it. Fortunately, those children for whom I am saving the planet have a tendency towards clumsiness. Every couple of months, we’ll be in the living room, and we’ll hear a distinctive crash coming from the kitchen. Jacob and I will catch one another’s eye and smile. One more dish down.
Emily Rosenbaum is a writer striving to live sustainably in New Jersey. She blogs at wheelsonthebus.wordpress.com. 26
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[ T h e F - Wo r d | F e m i n i s t s S p e a k O u t ]
Should We Really Settle? Michelle Cove
“It’S haRd to not Settle
When I picked up Lori Gottlieb’s book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, which came out in February, it was with skepticism. I have spent the last three years interviewing dozens and dozens of single 30-something women around the country for Seeking Happily Ever After, a feature-length documentary that I’m making with Kerry David about this generation’s struggle to redefine the fairytale. We look at why the number of never-married 30-something women in the U.S. has been climbing for decades—currently almost four million—how women feel about it and whether they are redefining happily ever after. In writing the selfhelp book Seeking Happily Ever After, I interviewed even more women from age 25 to 45. I did not seek out women who fit an agenda (Lori sure polled a lot of friends and colleagues); rather I talked to all types of single women willing to share theirs feelings. I’d followed the whole brouhaha from Lori’s Atlantic Monthly article last year, in which she seemed to be advising women in their 20s and early 30s to find a nice fellow, even if there’s no attraction, and marry him quickly because otherwise they might end up (gasp!) alone. I remember wondering why “alone” is worse than getting hitched to a guy for life that you aren’t attracted to? It was hard to swallow; plus, how far were women expected to drop the bar? I expected to hate the entire book. I didn’t. Well, I didn’t hate all of it (just the main premise, in that Lori falsely assumes all single women are as picky as her; but I’ll get to that). Marry Him is well written and raises some excellent points. For single women like Lori, who possess a laundry list of “needs” from a partner, this book will be a healthy (if slightly rude) awakening. These women exist. I saw one on The Oprah Winfrey Show recently, when a woman announced that a man drinking from a straw was a dealbreaker for her. I mean, really. So kudos to you, Lori, if you can break through to unyielding singles, male and female, who make it impossible on themselves to find love—and end up feeling resentful. But I have to say that by and large, I did not run into these women holding sky-high expectations for a partner. Some did, it’s true. The huge majority of women we interviewed, however, were looking for decent, thoughtful partners that they shared chemistry with. Most wanted to be married, but they were quick to admit they were proud that they had learned to meet many of their own needs so that they didn’t have to settle for the wrong person. Yes, the majority said, they’d be sad if they found out from a crystal ball that they would never get hitched, but they also understood that they would figure out how to make a good life for themselves regardless. If they were scared of being alone, it was mainly because they just couldn’t picture it. There aren’t many models for it. I did not find these women reflected in Lori’s book. So many of those in Marry Him sounded demanding, smug and unrealistic, like the woman who told Lori that she didn’t pursue a relationship with a certain guy because he only “made a mix tape of her favorite music” for Valentine’s Day but didn’t send her flowers at work. Lori herself admits she turned down perfectly great guys because they were wearing the wrong apparel. The ending (spoiler alert!) is especially unsettling; Lori refers to herself as a public service announcement, warning single women everywhere that if they’re not careful (read: too picky) they might end up miserable like her. Come on, is being a healthy, creative, successful 40-something so bad? I would hate to think all the terrific women we interviewed would view Lori’s tale as a horror story. Nor do I want these women lumped in with the over-thetop picky women in Lori’s book. It’s hard to not settle for the wrong guy when our culture sees a wedding as the finish line. It takes courage to stay true to what you want (and deserve) in the face of people telling you “you’re not getting any younger.” Yes, it’s ridiculous to pass on a guy only because he is a couple inches shorter than you’d like; but it is not ridiculous to hold out for a really good guy you have chemistry with. I hope they will not see being unmarried as a tragic ending, and will continue to keep high—and, yes, reasonable—standards.
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the WRong guy When ouR cultuRe SeeS a WeddIng aS the fInISh lIne.
Michelle Cove is the Director of the feature-length doc Seeking Happily Ever After and author of the self-help book Seeking Happily Ever After: Navigating the ups and downs of being single without losing your mind (and finding lasting love along the way) to be published this October. Visit seekinghappilyeverafter.com to learn more.
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free school lunch.
walk
to start their day by strolling through the
w After Human Rights
West End with local
Watch reported that 7,000
doctors and dentists
rape kits sat untested
as they raise money to
in L.A. County, 26 new
help those in the com-
crime lab positions
munity without health
were approved by City
insurance. 232.1470
Council to address the
ext. 25
backlog. The city recently acknowledged that the positions have not been funded and will not be filled.
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Sarah Elizabeth Cash
When Sarah turns fourteen this month, she will have already accomplished much in her young life. She’s a national title-winning dancer, a champion cross country runner, an accomplished middle school point guard, a member of the Beta Club and the SC Honors Chorus, a local theatre performer, and a community volunteer—to name just a few. With an eye to the future, this funny, outgoing and talented go-getter is already scouting out colleges with plans on becoming a teacher and/ or coach. “Right now I really like
“I am excited to see how far I can go!” Winthrop,” says Sarah.
Photo by Sheril Bennett Turner
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shopoutofhand.com
“Out of Hand’s
vintage-style lamps are a breath of fresh air. The embroidered linen shades bring the outdoors in.” Caitilin, skirt! Art Director
1 “Apple’s new iPad with its large touch screen lets you browse the internet, use apps, listen to music, watch movies and play games. I might have to fight my tween son Tristan for this super cool toy!” Sheril, Editor
3 2 “The bright colors on this garden stool really get me excited about spring. The pattern on it even matches my fine china! Come on warm weather!” Kathryn, Sales Executive
“This snazzy snake embossed business card holder from Lodis is so bright and colorful, it will be super easy to find in the depths of my purse! Find yours at Muse Shoe Studio.” Angela, Director of Sales
4 “These belts from Sundance are made in Peru and each one is different. Love it with jeans.” Nikki, skirt! Publisher
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TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN
Sari Leinonen Farrell | Stay-At-Home-Mom My hometown: Helsinki, Finland. I’m inspired by: Goodness, honesty, and commitment.
My favorite possession: A golden cross gifted to me for my Baptism by my Indian nanny in Kuwait. I’m thinking about: Opening a bakery.
I love: Cold weather! Right now I’m reading: Be Still My Soul by Elisabeth Elliott My passion: Down syndrome awareness.
My mother always said: “You have ‘personality’ Sari.” My blog: sarifarrell.com I can’t live without: MAC lipglass in “Underage.”
Photo by Sheril Bennett Turner 32
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I am guilty of: Swearing in Finnish. I’d like to learn to: Fly a plane. The food I never want to eat again: Eel! I am most proud of: My two children, Sydney (15) and Sam (3). Always... wear clean underwear. Read more at greenville.skirt.com
Watch
This issue of skirt! was put together to the sounds of: Crazy Heart: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack Various Crows Allison Moorer The New Jazz Divas NPR Discover Songs The Sea Corinne Bailey Rae
Maira Kalman’s visual blog for The New York Times last year was called “And the Pursuit of Happiness.” It will be a book in October, but you can view it in its entirety at kalman.blogs.nytimes.com. Perpetuum Jazzile is an a cappella jazz choir from Slovenia that reinvents Toto’s 80s hit “Africa” in ways you can’t begin to imagine, especially at the opening. Search “African Thunderstorm – Simulation Effect.” youtube.com
Page Turners
Listen
…Keeping Clarke.: One son. One day. One mom’s personal journey through grief.
Called “New York’s hottest and hippest literary event,” The Moth has been producing sold-out storytelling events for ten years. You can hear some of these live, unscripted true stories on their website themoth.org
Stephanie Benbenek
On September 10, 2005, on the way to a football game, three Citadel Cadets from Simpsonville, SC were in a fatal car accident. This is one mother’s raw, honest, gutwrenching account of the loss of her son and the memories that keep him alive.
If you can’t get enough of Ricky Gervais (who can?), you can download his audio (and video) podcasts free at his web site. rickygervais.com
Click Mark Bittman’s food blog in The New York Times, “Bitten,” is all about food. And he should know it all, having written the bestselling How to Cook Everything. bitten.blogs.nytimes.com
Sheril Bennett Turner, Editor
The objective of the World Prayers site is to gather the great prayers written by the spiritual visionaries of our planet into an online database representing all life-affirming traditions. Give the digital prayer wheel a spin for random selections. worldprayers.org
Shop Brooklyn artist Joetta Maue creates amazing embroidered pieces, a small selection of which are sold through Bird and Bear, her Etsy site. Visit her website and blog for more of her work, and maybe commission an embroidered portrait! joettamaue.etsy.com and littleyellowbirds.blogspot.com.
KA-CHING!
“...this book is almost like being in one of her amazing workshops.
Can’t Always Get What You Want Rolling Stones D-I-V-O-R-C-E Tammy Wynette Free Money Patti Smith Money Pink Floyd Show Me the Money Papi CuCu Diamante
Marchplaylist
The Journal Keeper Phyllis Theroux
Theroux’s observations about daily life in her small town and her interior writing life have drawn raves, and justly so. She’s my long-time writing mentor, and this book is almost like being in one of her amazing workshops. Nikki Hardin, Publisher
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planetnikki [ a visual journal ]
Two of my friends have made pilgrimages to India in the last month, and one of them brought me this little purse with a tiny Ganesha statue hidden inside.
“outbound” My word for 2010 is Change. I veer between thinking that change is inevitably bad or that I’m too old/comfortable/ sensible to change. That the house of my life is framed-in, drywalled, insulated and picket fenced. As it should be after years of trying to get to just that state. All the years of not being able to pay the bills on time, of owing the IRS, of driving crap cars, of career ups and downs, of crazy self-drama and unbridled emotionalism, of cobbling together a living until I accidentally hit on something that became a sweet little success. Why would I court Change? Especially when I’m convinced it always means someone leaving, something ending, something falling apart. Early sorrow teaches you to lowball your expectations. So this is my year to sidle up to Change with a carrot in my hand and make peace with that wild unpredictable beast. What if Change means someone new comes into my life? What if Change means an unexpected new beginning or project or talent? What if Change means letting go instead of hanging on? What if I start dismantling my old ideas about Change? I figure there’s a 50/50 chance of Change being positive, so I’m going to work the odds and envision my brave, innocent 17-year-old self getting on an outbound bus again without a clue to the destination.
What does it mean that lots of Ganeshas are popping up in my life lately? This one is by Katie Daisy (katiedaisy.com). I think of him as a spiritual earthmover, a brawny breaker-down of doors.
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A friend and I give each other creativity challenges—the latest was on the word “blue.” I painted blue watercolor stripes, and wrote one line of a haiku on each strip and called them “Blue Haikus.”
I’ve started keeping a one-sentence-aday journal à la The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I keep mine in the tiny 5 Year Diary by Tamara Shopsin because you can start anywhere in the year.
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18 years
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