Wellness In-Sight: Please Communicate Responsibly

CINDY E. FARRAR

It may be of no surprise that I have always had a love of and respect for words, an explanation, no doubt, for my passion for reading, playing Scrabble®, my fond appreciation for my years managing Waldenbooks and Borders bookstores, and, of course, my affinity for writing. Those of you who regularly read my columns may have noticed that in just about each one is included the definition, meaning, or etiology of a particular word or phrase. This aspect of my writing style isn’t intentional. It naturally flows from the belief that effective communication begins with an intention to provide the greatest possible acuity and clarity of the desired expression to facilitate the best understanding for the intended recipient. Often the obvious word or phrase choice isn’t quite right, as the most common understanding or meaning conveys something altogether different than desired.

In any communication, there are at least three parts: the communicator, the medium, and the receiver. (Five, if you count the actual message and the response.) Each component is integral to the process. In any one of these places, there is potential for misunderstanding to take place.

Considering first the role of the receiver, its participation is significant to successful communication. Stephen R. Covey, educator, author, businessman, and motivational speaker, states in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.” (I might add, if they listen at all.) Yet, as the receiver, we are in the wonderful position to determine how the communication continues (or not). Depending upon our willingness to be present and remain open, we could be a part of a dialogue or receiving a message that may have tremendous impact, even if not yet evidenced.

Choosing the best medium for communication - be it verbal, written, face to face, recorded, virtual, interpretive dance, etc. - is crucial to facilitate accurate delivery. Each method is fraught with all sorts of opportunities for confusion, misinterpretations, or distortion. It is also full of potential for meaningful connection. The efficacy of the medium and its accessibility is vital.

In initiating the message, it is the responsibility of the communicator to strive to be as clear and precise as possible. How we ‘show up’ sets the tone. What is our attitude? Do we have preconceptions regarding the receiver? In The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz, the first agreement is to “be impeccable with your word.” This encompasses our integrity and intention. It also recognizes our use of words as a potential source for good, for healing and positivity, or for negativity and damage. The words we choose absolutely make a difference. It is incumbent upon us to be conscious of each one we use and the impact they may have upon the intended receiver.

One of the stories in the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series that has had a great effect on me is about an elementary school teacher. Every year, she would have her students write down positive words about one another. Each student was given the paper containing the words from their classmates. Sadly, one of her students later died as a soldier in war. At his funeral, it was shared that among his belongings, found on him in his uniform at the time of his death, was the paper from his classmates decades earlier.

The “sticks and stones” refrain meant to empower children against mean spirited barbs, also unfortunately displaces accountability and the reality of the power that our words hold. It would be more correctly said, “sticks and stones may break our bones, but words can break the spirit.” Our communication must be given with compassion (from the Latin “compati,” to suffer together with) and great care. This applies to others and, maybe even more importantly, in the conversations we have with ourselves. Are your words ones that will be held close and dear enough to bolster even in battle?

CINDY E. FARRAR, LMT, BCTMB, CLC is a licensed massage therapist, certified life coach and the owner of Massage Associates of Atlanta, LLC (Lavista Road in Tucker). In addition, she is a certified Qi Gong instructor and a nationally approved continuing education provider for massage therapy and bodywork. Cindy enjoys sharing insights on wellness and personal and community development as a speaker and writer.