editorial
For the Parent in you To know, to understand, to connect
A
sk twenty kindergarteners to describe their families and you will receive twenty different answers, from ‘my mother, father, me and my dog’ to ‘my mother, father, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandfather, grandmother and me’! No matter who comprises a family,it is the launching pad for the individual, a place where learning begins and bonds develop, a nest where one feels loved and secure. A strong family is a place where love and care, rivalry and jealousy, hugs and kisses, squabbles and punches, tears and laughter, experiences and memories, together spin a cocoon that nurtures every individual, shaping their personalities and individualities, preparing them to face the world outside with confidence and pride.
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Today, here in India, with global exposures, emerging career opportunities and changing priorities, family structures too are evolving from the traditional joint families to nuclear families. How does this affect our children? Delve into our cover story, ‘Growing up in different family settings’ to see how we can help our children thrive in any environment. Every child is born with a sense of wonder, from wondering what happens if I drop this glass from my hand to what is that hole in the plug point. Every learning starts with wondering. Our article, ‘What a wonderful world!’ provides tips on how we can sustain and nurture this sense of wonder in our children. Teens are engaging in sexual activities that are glorified by TV, films and media, while most parents are totally unaware, or are in complete denial. Our article, ‘Teen sex’, is an eye opener for parents, urging them to awaken to the reality of what is going on in their teen’s lives. Parent Circle is holding a ‘Festive Recipe Contest 2012’. Please send in your special recipes to ‘editorial@parentcircle.in’. The best ones will be published and the winners will be awarded a prize. In the spirit of Independence, let us all ponder on what we can do to better our nation. Happy Independence Day!
NALINA RAMALAKSHMI PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Nalina Ramalakshmi MANAGING EDITOR Nitya Varadarajan ASSISTANT EDITOR Chitra Satyavasan SENIOR EDITOR - COPY DESK Shashwathi Sandeep CONTENT COORDINATOR Asita Haq
CREATIVE HEAD Rangashree Srinivas SENIOR DESIGNER G Swarupa GRAPHIC DESIGNER M Ravisankar PRODUCTION CONSULTANT S Venkataraaman ADMINISTRATION Sheeja Sasindran
VICE-PRESIDENT SALES & DISTRIBUTION M R Jayakkar GENERAL MANAGER - ADVERTISING S Visalam ASSISTANT MANAGER - ADVERTISING G Suresh Kumar CIRCULATION C Ganesh S Thirumalai SUBSCRIPTION Dolly Preethi Martina M S Saravanan
Parent Circle is published by Nalina Ramalakshmi, Director, Shri Harini Media Pvt. Ltd. All editorial material including editorial comments, opinions and statement of facts appearing in this publication, represent the views of its respective authors and does not necessarily carry the endorsement of the publishers. Information carried in Parent Circle is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed. The publication of any advertisements or listings is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered.
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contents
RESOURCES 44
PARENT CHEF Wholesome
52
Wholegrain Foods
CHECK IT OUT Good Reads
FORUM 4
COVER STORY
22
Growing Up IN DIFFERENT FAMILY SETTINGS
REGULARS 6
MINDSET “Hello, it‘s Me, not a Stereotype!”
10
LEARNING What a Wonderful World!
14
LEARNING Everyday Experiments!
28
CENTRESPREAD If I were Prime Minister...
30
FEATURE A Room of their Own
34
TEEN CIRCLE Teen Sex
38
TECH TALK iPhone, My Phone, Smartphone
42
NUTRITION Going the Whole Way with Wholegrains
48
ROOTS Of Gods, Goblins and Gopurams
50
HEALTH CIRCLE Liver Infections in Children
ON THE COVER (L-R) B ANANDHI, VATSALA BHASKARAN, B NIKKITHA, S BHASAKARAN, B BALAKRISHNAN PHOTOGRAPH BY ALPESH VEKARIA
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Parent Circle / August 2012
YOUR WORD
46
YOUR IDEAS Of Fights and Fiesty Kids
54
VIEWPOINT Creating a Better World
for Children
55
DISCUSSION POINT Tackling Sibling Rivalry
56
KALEIDOSCOPE
SPECIAL
18
Where‘s the birthday party? GREAT PLACES TO ORGANIZE BIRTHDAY PARTIES
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your word
e. S t u n i
A-M
Just
Kudos to Parent Circle, for actually making working women share their experiences in the cover story ‘Family-friendly workplaces.’ As a working mom and a public relations professional, I am used to seeing only the company’s viewpoint on how they handle HR, in magazines and newspapers. This usually turns out to be a sales pitch and a pretty unconvincing one at that. SOUNDHARIYA SUBRAMONY, Chennai
The article ‘Gods, Goblins & Gopurams’ really appealed to me. The dialogue between a father and son visiting a cave temple convincingly shows genuine camaraderie and banter, and the bonding between them. Culture is introduced without being preachy. There is even a little bit of pathos. The writer, who is from Singapore, comes to India with his son, intent upon getting to know our culture. The fact that he had to ask the policeman the way to the cave reveals to us how as a society we have failed to showcase our heritage even to ourselves! The other article I liked was ‘Make your child learn about money’. KRISHNAMMA RAJA, Chennai
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Letters to the Editor
I found the article ‘Educating Your Child about Sex’ not only timely, but outstanding in its presentation. Incidents of child abuse and rape are becoming disturbingly commonplace across the country; not just in metros, but also in small towns like Thanjavur. Parents have to give up their inhibitions and work to bring about an awareness in their children from a young age about sex, and what it entails. Let us sensitize our children in a matter-of-fact way to protect them better. JAYALAKSHMI SRINIVASAN, Chennai
ear p. H
ts! r e p x he E
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Do you have any traditional festive recipe from your community to share? Send in your recipes before August 31, 2012 to feedback@parentcircle.in The best entries will be published in the forthcoming issues of Parent Circle and the winners will get a special gift too!
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Parent Circle / August 2012
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mindset
‘Hello, it’s ME, not a Stereotype BY CHITRA SATYAVASAN
O
ne evening, Vidya’s thirteenyear-old daughter Anupama announced: “I got 10 out of 25 in Math. Vinod is class-first again. Not surprising, though. Boys are anyways good at Math!” Vidya perked up her ears: “Who told you that?” “I just know. It’s a gender thing, Mom,” Anupama added. One cannot blame Anupama for absorbing the societal stereotype of women being lousy at Math. In 2005, Larry Summers, the president of Harvard University, declared that the shortage of women in top academic posts in Math and Science was due to the ‘innate differences in aptitude between men and women’. His gender-biased assertion cost him his job, since owing to a public outcry, Summers was forced to resign. Thanks to such incidents, sociocultural factors, our families, books and the media, we are constantly assaulted by stereotypes: boys don’t cry, IITs and IIMs are only for Tambrahm boys and Marwaris, and rich children don’t study. “Children as young as four-five years old are aware of gender, ethnicity, and disabilities. They note the positive and negative biases attached to each of these identities by their elders.
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Parent Circle / August 2012
Stereotyping is, thus, a learnt behaviour. What children learn at an early age decides whether they will grow up to accept and comfortably interact with different individuals or whether they will unfairly judge others,” says Chennai-based psychologist M Vasuki. Thus it is not surprising to see teens branding each other - the girl who loves reading is an ‘intellectual’ and the boy who loves tinkering with technology is
It is important that children learn from an early age to respect multiculturalism, be sensitive to cultural differences, adopt a broad mind and have a tolerant view of others. a ‘geek’ or a socially awkward ‘nerd’ with no ‘life’. A girl who imitates the cool and smart set in her school is a ‘wannabe’. Age-old stereotypes have morphed into new ones. Girls are supposed to freak out on pink and hate sports; so a boy who digs pink and shuns sports is called a – you guessed
it right – gay! Call it twisted logic or whatever you will. “At 17, I shaved my head and deliberately went bald. I ignored jewellery, and used to fiddle with a Swiss Army knife as I found it handy. After school, I wore unisex clothes. I forged my own identity, free from stereotypical notions of how a girl should look. I was called a ‘weirdo’, though my life was as ordinary as my classmates. The brave ones would talk to me and whisper to their friends ‘She’s nice.’ I smiled, winked at my classmates, and spoke to everyone in school; that’s how my friends realized I am me, not a stereotype,” says Nisha D’Cruz.
what is stereotyping?
The Oxford English Dictionary defines a stereotype as ‘a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.’ Society creates stereotypes based on very little information.
“We associate a set of characteristics and abilities with a group. Once we meet an individual from this group, we assume that he will behave in a certain way, and ignore the differences between individuals. In this globalized world where our youngsters may one day work for an MNC with colleagues from various countries, it is important that they learn from an early age to respect multiculturalism and be sensitive to cultural differences. They should adopt a broad mind and have a tolerant view of others,” adds Vasuki. Stereotyping leads to a ‘them’ and ‘us’ mentality, preventing us from interacting with others. As we are ignorant about certain cultures, we feel threatened by them and resort to stereotypes to bask in our imagined superiority. “Once, I went to my new classmate Farhana’s house to study for a test. Was I surprised to see a ‘different’ Farhana at home! Gone was the burkha. She had changed into a small teeshirt and shorts – something that I wear at home! Posters of Rihanna and Harry Potter adorned the walls, and her hair, which I never got to see at school, was cut in a pixie style! I was further shocked when I heard that her parents were doctors. All my stereotypical ideas were shattered on a single day, and now I am wiser from the experience,” says seventeenyear-old GR Vasavi from Hyderabad. We laugh heartily at the Sardarji or ‘Mallu’ jokes. But for Chennai-based psychologist Karthik Lakshmanan, stereotyping is no laughing matter. “If someone is from rural or south Tamil Nadu, he cannot excel in studies in Chennai. If someone has studied in Tamil medium, she will not score good marks in college. Such generalizations hurt students and their self-esteem
TeenSpeak
Kavya Venkataraman, 15 years “It is unbelievable how people judge others based on appearances. Stereotyping is very common among teenagers. I feel that stereotyping is more prevalent among girls, as we are more observant when it comes to appearance and body language. I realized its severity after I heard a rumour at school that I take drugs. I first found it very funny, and was more curious than angry to know why they thought so. I discovered that I was called a junkie because I had coloured my hair and pierced my nose. But isn’t nose piercing a traditional thing? Others with coloured hair were also labelled junkies. I investigated and was shocked to discover that a girl who has many guy friends is a ‘flirt’, a girl who wears shorts is a ‘slut’, a person who uses a deodorant at school after sports is a ‘show-off’, and what’s worse, my classmates actually refer to them using such labels! They’ll say ‘one of the flirts has lent me her book.’ But I don’t blame them as we see so much stereotyping around us. Adults call us teens ‘rebellious’, they say that Malayali Christians are not trustworthy, and that Tamil Brahmins are gossipy – it’s atrocious! Are we befriending a person or his religion? People stay away from those who have been labelled. They do not get to know the wonderful people they may actually be. I think we should all learn a little more about acceptance.” takes a beating. I have told a few adolescents that they need to be assertive when they hear such remarks and that no one can put them down without their consent. Again, a teen’s sense of identity should be strong but he should not poke fun at others,” he adds. Sugami Ramesh, a psychologist associated with Apollo Hospitals in Bangalore, agrees with him: “I remember an unhappy teen nicknamed desi by his classmates. He forced his parents to buy him expensive branded clothes so that his classmates stop making fun of him. Teens should understand that they don’t need to follow the herd to be happy. They should tell others that they do a certain thing because they prefer it, and not because they are poor or lack taste.”
same old stories
Race, culture, religion, profession, nationality, gender and sexual orientation are the main factors of stereotyping. Though subconsciously we first notice the characteristics of a person, it is wrong to judge his qualities based on appearance: ‘He is fat, so he must be jolly ’ or ‘She is pretty, so she must be nice’. 8
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mindset Rakesh Goenka was sixteen when his father got transferred from Kolkata to Chennai. Did he expect to meet Bollywood’s stereotypical Madrasi?
HOW TO BREAK STEREOTYPES • Do not stereotype others and your children will follow suit. • Teach your children not to tease or reject anyone based on identity. • Allow children to experiment with non-traditional roles. They will learn that men can help out with household chores and women can fix fused bulbs. • Explain to your child that even the disabled are talented in their own way. • Ask your child if your own family is stereotypical. Discuss their answers. • Talk with your children about stereotypes portrayed in the media. • Encourage children to form friendships with students from other states and countries. • Buy multicultural art or alternative literature, visit various cities/ countries, avail of online resources or visit museums and libraries to provide multicultural experiences to your child. • Help your child understand that taking pride in one’s culture does not mean feeling superior to someone else’s.
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Parent Circle / August 2012
“Actually, yes,” he sheepishly admits. “I thought all Chennaiites will be crazy about Rajnikanth, eat only idli-dosa, and speak English with a Tamil accent. But, in my class, I discovered friends who watch Bollywood movies and enjoy various cuisines like me. There is more to culture than what meets the eye.” “Because Rakesh is a Marwari, I assumed he was wealthy, with his own family business. Only after mingling with him did I learn that his father is a government employee. Now I know stereotyping is so wrong,” says Rakesh's friend Bala. Darjeeling-based Doma Lepcha was fourteen when she joined a school in Kolkata. Her classmates assumed that since she was from Sikkim, she was a party animal with zero interest in studies. “My classmates say that ‘North East’ girls are lucky as nobody expects them to study! What is irritating is that a few think that I lack morals and drink 24/7. They don’t realize that our society is more westernized and liberal. Again, people spread ridiculous ideas – that ‘hill tribes’ like us are basically ‘good at heart’, unlike city girls who are shrewd and mean,” adds Doma, who continues to fend off awkward assumptions about ‘Nepalis’. Doma’s senior, Ranjita Singh, recollects: “My friends forget that there are seven states in the North East. Though I am a Manipuri Hindu, my classmates assume that I am a Mizo or a Naga Christian and asked typical questions like ‘Do you eat dogs?’ or ‘Do women dominate the men?’”
Rosalyn Gore, an Ahmedabadbased senior copy editor, says: “My schoolmates said that we AngloIndians have it easy as we enjoy a laidback lifestyle. Once a ‘friend’ said that I’ll either become a receptionist or a secretary! Attitudes haven’t changed much and recently a so-called ‘educated’ colleague asked me why ‘all Anglo-Indian guys are railwaymen’ when my Dad is an architect!” “Parents, friends, and even teachers stereotype students. A schoolgirl said she didn’t want to join the IT industry for work as she overheard her parents saying ‘IT people have no character’,” adds Vasuki. “I was in the 11th standard when our Biology teacher dismissed three of us by remarking that since we were Marwari girls, after we finish school we will be ‘married off’ to rich businessmen. We felt hurt by this comment, and we just squirmed in our seats,” recalls Sweta Tibrewal, a banker.
beyond boundaries New-age parents like R Vaishnavi and TV Ramesh are trying to break the gender stereotypes while bringing up their children, only to discover that certain stereotypes are reasonably accurate.
“I decorated my son’s room in pink and my daughter’s in blue when they were toddlers. My son thinks pink is ‘sissy’. My daughter prefers her world pink – walls, dresses, and cups! But we make our son help us in the kitchen. My husband is gradually imparting his love for football to my daughter as he watched the recent Euro Cup with her and shared the game’s nuances!”, says Vaishnavi. n
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learning
N
ing n r a e L ing r e cov s i N A ed LY R A K r, VI I e R d S on BY W g in r tu r THE RHYTHM OF u
A THOUSAND YEARS
“Feel the Rhythm! Oh yeah Feel the rhythm. I can feel the rhythm of a thousand years. So tell me can you feel it too? Because I am so happy! Oh yeah So tell me can you feel the rhythm of a thousand years Because if you don't, I don't care Because I'm happy Oh yeah!” JORDANNA COUNTINHO
10 Parent Circle / August 2012
he first time I read the poem, The Rhythm of a Thousand Years, I wasn’t sure what hit me first - the words, the possible meanings, the heartfelt pouring out of a vision; or that it was written by a ten-year-old. Every time I read the poem, I marvel at it, wonder along with it, resonate with it. My respect for children’s ability to wonder and feel such intense experiences grows every day. This poem is just one of the many instances when a child has firmly and passionately led me to glimpse at her world of wonder. There was a five-year-old who insisted on the kindness of his one-armed giant; another one who rebuked me for thinking that his dragon was wicked, though he had just burnt down a castle by mistake. A one-and-half-year-old, thrilled by rain, captured it on canvas with a mix of crayons and colour pencils. Children’s attempts to translate moments of wonder into music, poetry, and paintings are endless.
What, then, is wonder? Dictionary definitions associate it with awe and surprise, curiosity and doubt. The ability to wonder is like rolling meditation and happiness together. It needs time and nurturing. As children pause and wonder, they think afresh and discover what inspires or thrills them. You can create moments of wonder for children by creating an environment that inspires wonder. Each child is unique, and so is the sense of wonder that she experiences. Bring in poetry, mysticism, science, geography, math, history and art as pathways to wondering. Kindling and nurturing wonder, instead of making them succeed mindlessly within existing frameworks, will ensure that children are prepared for the future. It will guide them to be self-learners and original thinkers. It will also help them discover the song within their souls. 8
WONDERING WHAT YOU CAN DO?
Use vocabulary that consciously uses both the noun and verb forms of wonder in different contexts. For instance, ‘What ingredients go into the making of this really tasty carrot halwa, I wonder ...’ ‘I wonder why we can’t see the stars tonight!’ ‘Each time I look at your painting, I am caught with wonder. I discover so many things anew.’
Explore places that evoke wonder - visit a new city, country, or just an undiscovered corner in your home town. Take them out to live performances of theatre, music or dance. You can wonder at Nature: have them observe a leaf, watch a mountain or the sea and wonder at its beauty, enormity, or simplicity. If you are by the sea, you can ask: ‘Why do you think some waves are small and some big?’ ‘What are the creatures hidden inside the ocean?’ As you talk, build up the excitement. Discuss real and imaginary things. Always carry a little scribble pad and a box of colour pencils or crayons with you. Sit with your child and draw imaginary characters, or write some crazy lines about the sea. Complete your day by the sea by observing paintings with your children - JMW Turner’s ‘Storm’ or Hokusai’s ‘Great Wave’ (check the Internet for images). Discuss the emotions that the artist might have experienced while watching the sea and capturing it through a painting. Sometimes, older children may relate the great waves, the tranquillity or the storms, the strength and vastness that the sea offers to the range of emotions that they are experiencing. Ask them to use the sea as a metaphor, and wonder about their life.
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learning
Are you touched, inspired, moved and awed by the little things that happen each day? If you pause by a flower and wonder at its beauty, gentleness and mystery, your children will also be inspired to do the same. If you pause at the end of the day and exclaim with wonder about one wonderful thing that happened, they will be challenged to look at their own life through that lens of wonder.
In our stress-filled lives, we often lose the ability to wonder if we don’t practise it. Make sure there are enough opportunities everyday to talk about wonder at home or school. Simple questions can engage your child in the language of wonder: What are you wondering about? What do you think the child in this photo is wondering about? What new thing did you see on your way home?, Did you discover a new smell, a new colour, a new sound today?
“So the first step towards a more creative life is the cultivation of curiosity and interest, that is in the allocation of attention to things for their own sake. On this score, children tend to have the advantage over adults; their curiosity is like a constant beam that highlights and invests with interest anything within range...With age most of us lose the sense of wonder, the feeling of awe in confronting the majesty and variety of the world. Yes, without awe life becomes routine. Creative individuals are childlike in that their curiosity remains fresh even at ninety years of age; they delight in the strange and the unknown. And because there is no end to the unknown, their delight also is endless.” BURTON, J. M. (2004) THE PRACTICE OF TEACHING IN K-12 SCHOOLS: DEVICES AND DESIRES. PG 558
Social issues are important things to wonder about. In an increasingly globalized world, children are challenged to make sense of innumerable experiences, meet and work with people from diverse backgrounds. Ask them to wonder about the children on the street, about human rights, about empathy, about religious issues and the world they live in. Make history, civics, and religious studies at home meaningful, by talking about how different times have brought about different innovations in the social world. For instance, you can take Kabir’s doha Jathi na poocho sadhu ki… or Annamacharya’s song Brahmam okate para, AR Rahman’s ‘Gurus of Peace’ or Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie’s ‘We are the world’, and discuss caste and race with children. Ask them to wonder at the lines, the meaning of the lines, and explore the world of social equality, by wondering with sorrow and thoughtfulness.
12 Parent Circle / August 2012
Talking about what happens to waste created at home can provoke many new ideas that our world needs today. Can discarded waste and junk in the house be converted into objects of wonder? Can the junk be used to model a turtle or a fish or an albatross? Have your children wonder at the ocean, the home of these creatures. How are plastic junk affecting the ocean and these creatures? At home, do we need better waste management, bio-degradable plastic bags and eco-friendly bags or just a different way of living?
The toughest challenges were solved because people wondered about them. From the invention of the wheel to Internet, we are constantly hearing stories about people wondering and creating new products. Comparing a leaf’s vascular network with the body’s neural network can also be very exciting for children. It will make them wonder about how information and nutrients travel in these networks. Ask them to design a new network where dreams and imagination travel from one person to another or from one person to aliens in a different planet. Spend a holiday creating something new with your child. It can be making a boat, a house on stilts, or a new recipe. Ensure that at every step, there is wondering happening, challenging your child and you to create something new.
A leaf falls, floats, spins and drops on the ground, and scurries along further with grace and beauty. But we rarely pause to wonder at this marvellous phenomenon, leave alone share it with our children. Think of an instance when you experienced wonder, you were taught to wonder, and you explored/ reflected on wonder. Share these with your child. Ask him to share a similar experience with you.
Flower in the crannied wall, I pluck you out of the crannies, I hold you here, root and all, in my hand, Little flower - but if I could understand What you are, root and all, and all in all, I should know what God and man is. Alfred Lord Tennyson When you wonder at your children, you teach them to respect, value, love, and enjoy who they are. Wonder and marvel at their bodies, minds and ideas! Cherish their presence in your life. Share this sense of wonder with them.
Prof. CV Raman's lecture delivered on December 22, 1968 at the foundation stone-laying ceremony of the Community Science Center, Ahmedabad, captures the essence of wonder. Quoted below is an excerpt from his lecture. This approach challenges young people to go beyond textbooks and guides them to use wonder as a simple tool. He starts his lecture with ‘Why the sky is blue’:
“I only have to look up and see that the sky is blue. But why is it blue? ... Don't read any book about it; don't ask your teacher...Sit down and think it out; and you will find it most exciting to ask yourself that question, and see if you can discover the answer for yourself. Now I will put it to you in this way. The best way to answer a question is to ask another.”
As you read this and think of ways that you can wonder with your child, take time out for yourself. Just walk out of your home or office, and look at the sky. Your day might be tough, depressing, happy, nourishing or simply empty. Nurture yourself with wonder, and it will seamlessly flow into your child’s life. As Professor Steve Seidel says in his article ‘Wondering to be Done’ - “…wondering takes time, attention and effort. It is not unlike prayer.” n SRIVI KALYAN IS THE FOUNDER-DIRECTOR OF FOONIFERSE ARTS PVT. LTD. SHE HAS AUTHORED, CO-AUTHORED AND ILLUSTRATED BOOKS AND STORIES FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS. SHE USES THE ARTS IN EDUCATION TO CREATE MEANINGFUL LEARNING EXPERIENCES.
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learning
Everyday Experiments! The following experiments are from the book The Agenda of the Apprentice Scientist by Nicole Ostrowsky, published by Universities Press. These experiments are intended to inculcate in children a sense of curiosity and a love of science, helped by lively characters: ‘labcoat’, depicting the scientist and ‘little net’, the apprentice. Encourage your children to do these experiments on their own, observe the results and discover for themselves. An explanation has been provided for parents to guide their children through this process of exploration and discovery. Further information is available at http://apprenticescientist.com.
A classic
A counter experiment
Place a lit candle in a cup filled with water. Cover the candle with a glass jar or beaker. Make sure the beaker sits in the water. Note down your observations in the next few seconds. _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
Redo yesterday’s experiment with the same jar but with two or three candles side by side. Does the water rise to the same level as yesterday? How do you explain what happens? _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
“Blind trust is often a form of laziness, for it’s easier to have faith than to check what is true.” Alfred Capus “There’s a simple answer to all questions: it’s usually wrong.” Albert Einstein The candle goes out as there isn’t any more oxygen. The water rises inside the beaker, but, contrary to popular belief, it does not replace the oxygen used up during combustion. In fact, most of the oxygen is converted into carbon dioxide, a gas which also takes up space. This experiment will be continued tomorrow.
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The water rises much higher. The air initially trapped in the jar is very hot because of the combustion of the candle. As soon as the candle goes out, the air cools down and contracts, letting the water rise in the jar. With three candles, much more heat is released; the initially trapped air is much hotter, and the change in the water level is much greater.
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special
WHERE’S THE BIRTHDAY
PARTY? GREAT PLACES TO ORGANIZE BIRTHDAY PARTIES BY SHASHWATHI SANDEEP
18 Parent Circle / August 2012
CIRCA 1990: It is your child’s birthday
party. You invite the neighbourhood children, whether your daughter knows them or not, because it is just protocol. Next, you arrange for a cake from the nearby bakery and decorate the house with streamers. You order samosas and chips, and the food part is also taken care of. You organize some games and present a pen set as a return gift. That’s it – the party is over! 2012: The cakes have gone 3D. Decorations are not limited to streamers and balloons anymore. No child will be happy with just samosas and chips. Return gifts have multiplied in varieties.
In short, times have changed. “Parents these days want the best for their children and that is why they are ready to splurge on a birthday party. Organizing a party costs around `25,000, even for a basic one and they are ready to spend that kind of money,” says Tanya Kothari of Kiddoscope, an event management company which specializes in organizing children’s birthday parties.
HOTEL PARTY
A hotel is the ‘in thing’ these days. Pallavi Sharma’s twins completed a year recently and to celebrate the occasion, she chose The Park, Nungambakkam. “A house cannot accommodate everyone and can also become messy. Hotels are the best bet as venue and food are taken care of. We also chose the rock-and-roll theme for the party as children love dancing. We sent out invites in the shape of a record, and created a dance floor where the children danced as a DJ played music. The base of the cake also resembled a dance floor. We presented LED glasses and glow-in-the-dark bracelets as return gifts,” says Pallavi.
The Park, Nungambakkam rents out its hall for parties. A dinner party will cost `1,400 plus taxes per person, while snacks alone will cost `850 plus taxes. The rates include the food and the room rental. The decorations must be done by the parents themselves but helpers will be provided.
FUN WITH TOYS
Merlin C decided to have a party at Toyz Day Out, a toy rental library in Velachery for her one-year-old son Joel. “I wanted something unique for my son’s first birthday. So I zeroed in on Toyz Day Out. The play area of Toyz Day Out is unique. The children are free to do whatever they want,” she says. Anuradha Sasanapuri also celebrated her three-year-old son Aniesh’s birthday at Toyz Day Out and it was a memorable one. “We arranged for food from outside. We also had a cake shaped like a car as my son loves the movie Car,” she says. Toyz Day Out offers different packages – Do-It-Yourself; We Do It For You, Theme and Dress Up. Each package is priced differently, with the minimum cost being `6,000. The management takes care of the decoration and music, and provides helpers. The onus of bringing food or arranging for its delivery from caterers falls on you.
chipmunk, our mascot, will do the rounds, entertaining the children. We also organize games to ensure that the children have a great time,” says Cardin Roby, marketing manager at Marrybrown. The birthday menu for children includes a burger, fries, drinks and ice-cream. The vegetarian package costs `160 per child while the non-vegetarian one costs `175 per child. The package includes invitation cards, music and games, decorated party area, return gifts and a dedicated staff. Pizza Corner also hosts children’s birthday parties. “We have an in-house area for birthday parties. There is a ball pit where the children can enjoy themselves. We also organize themes and games. The menu includes pasta and pizza. We also arrange for a magic or puppet show on request,” says Harshith Shah, marketing executive at Pizza Corner. The vegetarian package costs `139, while the non-vegetarian one is priced at `149. The package also includes invitation cards, an anchor to organize games and a gift for the birthday child.
THE OUTDOORS
Parents are not restricting themselves to the indoors anymore for a party; they 8
FAST FOOD PLACES
The fast food places, too, have joined the bandwagon to host parties. Marrybrown is one of them, with a different menu for birthday parties. “We maintain a database (including date of birth) of children who visit Marrybrown. We call them before their birthday and invite them to celebrate it with us. If the parents manage to gather around 25 children, the birthday child gets a free meal. The
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special are now heading outdoors for a great party in a natural setting. At Cubbon Park in Bangalore, parties are organized at Jawahar Bal Bhavan, the children’s park, where a maximum of 75 children can be accommodated. “We have a toy train at Bal Bhavan and children can avail of a free ride during the party. There is also a play area where they can have a good time on the swings and slides,” says Divya Narayanappa, secretary of Bal Bhavan. They also have a pick-up and drop-off facility - a bus will be arranged to pick up the party group from a common point and drop them back. Cubbon Park charges a flat rate of `3,500. Chairs and tables are provided. Parents have to take care of food arrangements and decorations. Pick-up and drop-off charges are extra, with `35 being charged for every kilometre.
PLAYSCHOOLS
Playschools, with large areas, have also transformed into venues for hosting birthday parties.
At Bamboola Playschool, Chennai
20 Parent Circle / August 2012
Jayanthi Ravishankar of Bamboola playschool says, “Birthday parties here resemble carnivals, with jumping castles, pony rides, nail art et al. We have 15,000 sq ft of space where children can enjoy themselves.” Snacks are provided by the playschool. “Nowadays, children just want to play and birthdays are, after all, a gettogether. You lack space at home for play and that is why a playschool is a good choice. For my son Saurav’s birthday party, I organized a few mind games and a treasure hunt,” says Archana Arunkumar, who organized her nine-year-old son’s birthday party at Bamboola recently. Bamboola’s basic birthday package costs `6,500. It includes entry for 20 children, decorations, four games and eight game gifts and return gifts. A theme party will cost `8,500. Activities like pony ride and jumping castle are provided at an extra cost. Vanilla Children Place also hosts customized birthday parties for children. It provides an outdoor play area, activities, food, cake and return gifts for children in the form of coupons. These coupons entitle the children to a 50% discount on the play area and 10% discount on Vanilla Creations’ products. The package costs `3,000 on weekends and `2,000 on weekdays. Green Pocket in Bangalore is just the place where children can experience Nature.
“It is a playschool on weekdays but on weekends, we rent it out for parties. What makes it more fun is the fact that children can play with our rabbits and fowls. There is also a kennel nearby; so they can even play with dogs. Children love the ambience,” says Anahita Cooper, who runs the place. Rohini Sachitanand’s seven-year-old daughter Eshita’s birthday party was held at Green Pocket. She says, “The theme was Holi because my daughter wanted to know about it and her birthday was very close to the festival time.” Rohini bought herbal powders like turmeric and kumkum for children to splatter on each other. “We organized a treasure hunt and the children had a blast at the splash pool,” says Rohini. At Green Pocket, the cost varies from party to party. The basic cost is `7,000. Foods and decorations are extra.
GAMING PARLOUR
Gaming consoles are a big craze among children today. Ashwin P, CEO of Wired says, “We have an entertainment zone with console and computer games. We also have water zorbing (walking on water inside a translucent ball) which is unique to this city. We also provide snacks, but the cake is optional.” The birthday package costs `400 per child.
BUS PARTIES
A birthday party in a moving bus? Hijackk, a mobile restaurant on ECR, has hosted a few children parties. “The decoration cost is saved as the interior of the bus already looks decorated. The ride lasts for about one-and-a-half hours, with children being served snacks on the bus,” says Hardik Shah of Hijackk. The package depends on the food you order. The package varies from `450 to `1,000 per child.
AMUSEMENT PARKS
MGM Dizzee World on ECR is a place where fun and games are combined. It has a separate party area for birthday celebrations. “We provide the cake, food and the return gifts. Children have access to all the games, including water-based ones. The minimum attendance should be 50, including the adults,” says A Ramesh, senior manager, Sales and Marketing, MGM Dizzee World. The package is priced at `1,500 per child/person.
DAKSHINA CHITRA
Heritage trips are not limited to school excursions anymore. Parents find it novel to celebrate their child’s birthday by introducing him to the various facets of our culture and tradition. “Parents can choose between a folk art performance, art and craft session or a demonstration of various art forms. We organize games, and arrange refreshments,” says Lakshmi Thyagarajan, coordinator at Dakshina Chitra. The packages differ based on the activities chosen. Prices include food, but cakes cost extra.
HOME SWEET HOME!
There are still many who enjoy having parties at home. Vinithra Sekhar is one such parent who spends half a year organizing her three children’s birthday parties. From the invitation to the games, she does everything. “The focus of my birthday parties is activity-oriented games. For example, my son and one of my daughter’s birthdays falls around the same time. My son likes Harry Potter, while my daughter adores Snow White. I weaved a story where Voldemort kidnaps Snow White! Harry Potter and his friends had to rescue her. I designed the maps and organized a treasure hunt. I have also
At Green Pocket, Bangalore had themes like Mary Poppins in the past. It also helps that our house is big for us to organize such parties,” she says. Aruna Ramesh used to organize her daughter’s birthday party at hotels before, but now, that has changed. “My daughter just prefers a day out with her friends. She invites a few of her close friends. They play at home and then, I take them out to lunch. It is not possible to organize the lunch at home as different children have different tastes. Hotels are always a safe option. We then go to a movie. Parties are not limited to a couple of hours these days; children like to spend an entire day together. That is the reason why most of the parties are held on weekends, though the actual birthday maybe on a weekday,” she says. Times change, and with time, preferences also change. So it is not surprising to see parents planning innovative birthday parties. “The children are given a chance to live out their fantasies just for that one day and the parents are ready to do anything for this. It is like getting into a TV and living the experience,” says Tanya. Who knows? Maybe in the year 2050, children may even get to celebrate a birthday on the moon! n
At Toyz Day Out, Chennai
RESOURCES
Kiddoscope: 98409 52068 Toyz Day Out: 98403 24074 Marrybrown: 044 45535362 Pizza Corner: 044 44112232 Bamboola Playschool: 99400 42592 / 98408 72951 Green Pocket: 099456 16926 Cubbon Park: 080 22864189 Wired: 044 45038512 Hijackk: 90944 04000 MGM Dizzee World: 95000 63716 Dakshin Chitra: 044 27472603 Vanilla Children Place: 99400 12785 / 044 45534146
CHILLS AND THRILLS
For children who love adventure, here are a few options: GO-KARTING: Kart Attack on East Coast Road (ECR) Price: `140 per child. Ph: 94440 10984 ICE-SKATING, XBOX: Ampa Skywalk Price: `400 per child. Ph: 42082111/42082333 PAINTBALL*: Planet Adventure Price: Starts from `300 per child (above 12 years). Ph: 45018342 SNOW PARTY: Abirami Mega Mall Price: `2000 for the package. Ph: 9444212572/ 26431022 *Deployed in military tactics, in this game players have paintball guns that send out water soluble paints as ‘balls’. The attacking and defending team members of the particular bastion or flag should avoid getting splotched, or they are out.
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W
cover story
hen we think of ‘family’, we think of sacrificing mothers, fathers carrying family photographs in their wallets, doting grandparents, indulgent uncles and aunts, boisterous children, and mischievous cousins. But in recent times, families have evolved into smaller units. Today, apart from the traditional joint family, the nuclear family has come into being. Again, a family may comprise a single mother raising a teenager by herself with or without the support of her parents. Individuals have different opinions on what constitutes a family. For MS Sivakumar, head of mechanical engineering department at a private college, a family is a ‘system that provides for the growth of every individual.’ However you define a family, the family structure remains important as it determines a child’s personality and how he interacts with others as an adult.
Joint Families In joint families, relatives take turns in raising young ones. An authoritative figure, usually an autocratic grandfather, controls decision-making and finances. Child-rearing, household chores and other responsibilities are shared by all the members. You may decide that living in a joint family, with so many different individuals telling you what to do, will be overwhelming and conflicting at times. But think of the benefits – you have many people to
Growi n g up in different V Ramanan, a senior executive vicepresident of a healthcare organization, shares his home with four generations. “A joint family is a structure erected by choice, not force. The concept of sharing and tolerance are inculcated in children living in joint families. Adolescents hailing from a joint family are more familiar with the term ‘we’
family settings BY LEELA B AND SAMYUKTHA YG
22 Parent Circle / August 2012
interact with, there is always someone to keep an eye on your child and you may enjoy the luxury of being taken care of by an aunt when you are unwell.
rather than ‘I’, which enables them to maintain healthy social relationships as adults. A joint family also provides crucial support, especially during a crisis,” he says. The family is a child’s first school of learning. A joint family provides many ‘teachers’ for a child in her formative years - a grandmother to narrate stories that impart a sense of values, an older cousin who teaches social skills, a grandfather who insists on talking in the child’s mother tongue (the beginnings of a language class), and uncles and aunts who take the child on outings to explore the world with them. SHARING AND CARING Sivakumar feels that though joint families may not always pay individual attention to children, they encourage learning from each other’s mistakes and facilitate delay in
gratification. These will help children become healthy adults later. Working parents in a joint family are comforted by the thought that there will be someone at home to take care of their child. “Joint families often have a caring environment which promotes qualitative interpersonal relationships. Children going through difficult times will always have the opportunity to talk to someone in the household who will give them a patient hearing and offer advice. This minimizes the chances of a child engaging in inappropriate coping mechanisms such as substance abuse, truancy, self-harm and other high risk behaviours, thereby nurturing better emotional health in the child,” says Sabiha Sultana, clinical psychologist at Medall Behavioral Health Services. Children in joint families also believe in conflict resolution as opposed to estrangement, because in a joint family, conflicts between parents may be resolved by elders in a manner that does not affect family dynamics. These children may later view the family as a unit that survives challenges – enabling the creation of a healthy family in turn. ALL’S NOT FAIR There are exceptions in every case. Some children are unhappy with joint families. Twelve-year-old S Neetha complains that she always has to await her turn, be it for a ride on the swing or to take a bath. Her older cousins are over-protective and that annoys her. Being the ‘baby’ in a joint family, thus, has its perks and downsides. While one can feel absolutely pampered and protected, one can also feel that it is unfair being the last born because of all the handme-downs, having to run errands in the house and not being given a fair chance to speak one's mind.
Having many generations in the family creates a generation gap which can lead to frequent misunderstandings between members. If there are too many conflicts, children may find it difficult to relate to their parents or grandparents and limit their relationship with them.
Nuclear amilies
Today, ask any child about family structure and he will probably describe a nuclear family, believing it to be the traditional structure. Many nuclear families were once a part of a joint family which split due to factors such as marriage and migration to cities, in India or abroad, in search of better opportunities. In most Indian families, the father plays the role of the primary breadwinner while the mother is a homemaker. “In nuclear families where only the father works, the children’s needs are taken care of by efficient mothers. These children experience a more balanced lifestyle in comparison to those living in other structures. The mother meets the emotional needs of their children, the children receive individual attention, and they also spend quality time with their father,” says S Jahnavi, a senior psychologist at Medall Behavioral Health Services. In nuclear families, the relationship between the children and the father is influenced by factors like the parenting style, emotional involvement of the father, communication between the members of the family and so on. In many households, the father returns home tired after a hard day’s work and just wants to relax rather than help his child with homework or play a game. Children, whose fathers are too busy to spend time with them, 8
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cover story miss out on building a strong relationship with their fathers. In cases where the father does spend time with his children, the emotional environment conveys the message that work and family can co-exist. This lets the child know that there is not one but two parents to guide and support her. When both parents are involved in the parenting process, it makes for a better learning and supportive environment for a child. WORKING MOTHERS Serious career women, inflation and lifestyle changes have led to the emergence of working parents who work hard to support a certain standard of living and fuel their dreams for their children. In such a scenario, the absence of both parents is felt by the children. The mothers worry about how to take care of them while they are at work. For CR Latha, a 35-year-old working mother in a nuclear family, it became increasingly difficult to ‘sneak out’ to work and leave her child behind with a help. Sneaking away to work is not a good way to build a relationship with your child as the child may always be mistrustful and agitated about her parents’ presence in her life. As adolescents, they may be wary of people and that may
I love being a part of my nuclear family, which consists of my parents, my younger brother and me. I can talk to my mother about anything and she's also available all the time to hear me out. I think because I am very attached to my family, I have not felt the need to be close to my extended family. I am also not fond of sharing food or my clothes with visiting cousins. Though I like spending time with my cousins during vacations, I am glad we do not live under the same roof. Even when I visit them, my cousins watch TV channels I don't like - it can be a serial or a movie. When I ask them to change to a sports channel or something that I wish to watch, they ignore my preferences. Imagine how the situation would be if we had to share one TV between us! I also don't like shopping with the younger cousins who are schoolgirls. When I select make-up items, they expect me to buy the same for them though they are too young to apply make-up! Though I don't mind spending some time with my cousins occasionally, living together with their families is not an option I will choose as I value my privacy with my parents and brother.” M Preeti, (26)
prevent them from developing healthy relationships. Explain to your child why both of you need to work. This will make her feel that you respect her. A child raised in a nuclear family will understand the concept of duty towards one’s family, and will imbibe similar ethics. Working mothers worry about the long periods of separation from their child. They also feel that other children may have a negative influence on their child. Latha struggled to ignore the slang
words that her children picked up from other children at a day care centre. She tried to convince herself that this was a part of growing up. “Given a choice, I will take my child to work instead of a day care centre,” she says. However, children left in a day care centre may learn to socialize at an early age, something that they learn from their cousins in a joint family setting. Sathya A, 32 years old, a government employee and the mother of three-and five-year-old daughters, feels guilty. She says that she will rather stay at home and raise her children than toil away at work. However, her children will not be able to celebrate their birthdays at McDonalds or learn ballet every evening if the family was deprived of the additional income. In a nuclear family, a child may avail lavish pocket money due to a working parent’s guilt or the lack of authority figures (such as a grandfather or an uncle) to regulate 8
24 Parent Circle / August 2012
Tips to guide your child thrive in either family structure.
Nuclear Family Spend time with your child.
Emphasize on family meals, and discussions for an hour each day to keep communication channels open.
Do not sweep conflict (especially When your between the parents) under the carpet. Resolve child wants them in appropriate ways. you at home always, Again, as parents, it is explain why important that you do not both of you fight among yourselves in are working front of your children as and cannot it will destroy the sense be at home of stability and unity a all the time. nuclear family creates.
Provide personal space and time for your adolescent. But limit his unsupervised time.
Provide opportunities for the child to meet her grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins often.
Do not speak ill of your spouse’s extended family to your children. On the contrary, highlight everyone’s accomplishments and share anecdotes so that children know more about their relatives as individuals.
Encourage your child to participate in group activities like dance or language classes which gives her an opportunity to interact with other children and remain under adult supervision.
Joint Family
Encourage communication to minimize generation gap.
There should be an agreement between the authority figures – grandparents or parents on disciplining children so that children do not feel confused about whom to obey. Ensure that grandparents and other elders behave in a Respect every individual’s democratic fashion. Times have personal changed, and the elders too space and need to adjust to the changing time. lifestyle of today’s youth.
Avoid arguments during meal times. Instead, allocate a separate time when each member is given an equal Encourage children opportunity to voice her concerns. to take turns doing household chores Avoid comparing your to enable them children with their to understand cousins. responsibilities.
Allow your child to vent out her problems.
Though in a joint family Inculcate in your setting your child can child a sense of learn about social and sharing and ensure interpersonal skills from that relationships your extended family, it with others in the is important that you family are not spend some time with ruined by children’s your child regularly. petty quarrels. This way, she can voice her concerns, and not feel confused and left out. www.parentcircle.in 25
cover story these choices. Such a gesture may instill an understanding that parental love can be substituted with money, which in turn can create a ‘materialistic attitude’ in them. Thus, an adolescent may learn to manipulate his parents’ guilt to get what he wants. Adolescents from these families may become self-centered, and that can prevent them from adjusting to the environment or acquiring healthy relationships as adults. Again, the emotional bond between the parents may colour a child’s views about relationships. R Pramod, a recent postgraduate, has been in depression for a while. He hails from a nuclear family and has working parents. Pramod tersely describes his family ‘as a structure with people and responsibilities’ and leaves much unsaid. He lacks friends, too. In Pramod’s case, the lack of social support and parental warmth have affected his emotional well-being. BRIGHT SIDE Children in a nuclear family also learn about responsibilities. Some children become responsible for their younger siblings, thus creating
a stronger bond with them. They may learn to cook and clean, and keep themselves entertained which can come in handy when they face the challenge of living alone or adjusting to a new environment. Fourteen-yearold M Anugraha is always home alone after school. Sometimes, with her friends, she experiments with baking. In fortunate cases like this, the most that parents have to worry about will be running out of rations. However, leaving children without supervision opens a whole new range of nagging concerns such as addiction to the Internet, early sexual activity, parties and clubbing or drugs. A nuclear family has its advantages. One of its biggest advantages is that parents can bring up their children according to their own values and principles without ‘interference’ from others. The child knows that he has to
I think the joy of living in joint families can be best expressed by those who have lived in large family settings. I live with my parents, siblings, my father’s brothers and their wives and children. We share stories, food and responsibilities. It never crosses my mind that I should hide something from my cousins or eat my favourite food alone. I cannot understand this fuss about how you lack privacy in joint families! My best times are spent in the company of cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. The highlight of our lives is when we organize weddings or festivals. Each of us volunteers to do a task as part of our contribution towards making the special occasion a big success. We go about excitedly accomplishing little things like stringing flowers, sending out invites or entertaining guests. Days after the celebrations are over, my cousins and I exchange notes on how well each of us did our allotted task, and beam with pride as the elders praise our efforts.” C Aishwarya, (24)
follow his parents’ rules. He is not confused by the opinions of other relatives. Children can express their individuality without wondering whether other family members will approve of them. Nuclear families also make children more independent as they are not dependent on grandparents or aunts to make decisions for them. This independent streak, nurtured at an early stage, will go a long way in helping them make decisions later as adults. FINAL NOTE We are not here to judge which family structure and environment is better or worse as both joint and nuclear families have their advantages and limitations. Each parent will bring his own childhood experiences into the realms of parenting, which may influence the kind of a parent his child will turn out to be. “I do not know where we are heading. Trends will keep changing. However, we should be able to equip children to handle whatever family structure they may find themselves in,” says Sivakumar. n LEELA B AND SAMYUKTHA YG ARE COUNSELLORS AND PSYCHOTHERAPISTS AT MEDALL BEHAVIORAL HEALTH SERVICES.
26 Parent Circle / August 2012
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centrespread
NIVEDITA SRIKANT, 8 years
The first thing I would do is make India a clean country.
ANANYA SUNDARAJAN, 13 years
I would change our education system and make it more skills-oriented than exam-oriented.
If I
Prime of
APOORVA SRIRAM, 11 years
I would like to stop corruption by asking people to think it over deeply, talk more about it and create greater awareness on this issue.
28 Parent Circle / August 2012
SHREYAS KRISHNAKUMAR, 12 years
I would like to become a PM before I reach my sixtieth birthday so that my physical and mental faculties are intact. Decisiveness, accountability, quick action and changing unnecessary rules would be on my agenda. I would like to build a team of responsible leaders who can lead from the front. Jai Hind!
ADITYA KRISHNA, 13 years
I will increase the number of playgrounds and make playing one sport compulsory for every child as part of his education. This will help the children stay fit.
were the
VASHIST SRINIVASAN, 11 years
I would enact a strict law on waste disposal so that our planet is not littered with garbage. I will also encourage waste segregation so that we can recycle materials, and make our planet greener. Road safety is important. I would put cameras on signals so that traffic violators are caught.
Minister
India...
KEERTHANA RAMESH,
DA Y IN DE PE ND EN CE
I'll make sure that all citizens follow the rules and regulations of the country. This will ensure that India is corruption-free. I'll also make arrangements to develop science and technology. I'll foster friendly relations with other countries and help them whenever they need.
SP EC IA L
13 years
www.parentcircle.in 29
feature As any parent will tell you, designing a child’s room is, well, not a child’s play. When you plan ahead, keeping in mind your children’s ages, growing needs, aesthetic sense and interests, decorating the interiors will become an enjoyable activity for the whole family.
BY SUKADHA PARTHASARATHY In the concluding part of our article on designing your child’s room, we offer you a sampling of ideas on how best you can go about designing the rooms of infants, older children and the teenagers.
Nursery Ideas nfants in India are normally not left to sleep in a room alone without adult supervision. Sharing a room with parents is convenient for the parents and reassures the baby. Baby’s rooms are largely for playing and storing their things. While babies notice bright colours, they don’t notice decor. When babies are around, the emphasis must always be on comfort and safety.
THE ROOM Ideally, the baby’s room should be on the ground floor. If it is not, ensure that the staircase has a safety gate. The room should be close to the parents’ room as toddlers want their parents to be reachable, especially at night. The room should be wellventilated, and allow sunlight. Curtains are a must to block out light when needed. PHOTO COURTESY
www.caelusgreenroom.com
30 Parent Circle / August 2012
THE CRIB It is normal for parents to accept hand-me-downs from family and friends. When it comes to baby furniture, play safe and get a carpenter to check the sturdiness of the items. Wear and tear can make a piece of furniture wobbly or you may spot a loose screw on it. Unsafe cribs or chairs can harm your baby. Toddlers love foldable tents/ houses made of light fabric. These are easy to set up, dismantle and store. When the baby is asleep, to prevent suffocation, keep the crib free from toys (yes, even soft toys), unnecessary blankets and pillows.
their names in a creative way in the room. The different décor should blend to create a harmonious look. 4. A few tips to keep in mind when decorating a child’s room will be: List all the elements that a room needs. Measure the room and see if it can store the things you need. Try to define special corners for different activities. Create maximum closed storage space at different heights. Use multipurpose furniture. Utilize the walls by hanging shelves or attaching overhead storage units. Use soft and light shades as they create a sense of space.
SAFETY As the baby learns to crawl, make sure that there are no low-lying tables with knickknacks. The baby may knock against the table or put the knickknacks in her mouth which may cause choking. Cover the sharp edges and corners of tables, beds and chairs. Electric cords and hanging curtain cords should be out of your baby’s reach. Make sure there are no cords lying on the ground. Front doors of apartments are usually close to the staircase. Install grill doors or safety gates that are locked to prevent the toddler from going near the stairs. Self-locking doors are a nightmare when toddlers start pushing doors shut. Ensure all doors have strong doorstops, and that locks are disabled till needed. Houseplants are best avoided till the baby is old enough to know that leaves and soil should not be put into the mouth. All cupboards and storage areas need locks and keys – especially those with medicines, cleaning products and other toxic products.
FURNITURE / STORAGE Keep sturdy furniture. When a baby holds on to a little table or chair while attempting to stand, light furniture may topple over. Keep an accessible storage/shelving unit for the baby’s belongings. Furniture, with objects like books, vases and laptops on them, should be made secure so that it is not pulled down by a curious toddler. Remember, a toddler will go everywhere.
OTHERS Keep all the baby belongings basic. Babies outgrow everything. Don’t forget the mosquito nets. 8
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www.prweb.com
Children Place, Chennai says: 1. How should spaces be arranged with safety in mind? Don’t clutter the room with objects. Keep the floor free so that children don’t fall or step on things. Make sure the room is free from lead and other toxic substances. Make sure the windows have a grill with no less than four inches between each rod. 2. How can the furniture be modified as a child grows older? Keep an option to add shelves or remove them. Baskets or decorative boxes can store smaller items later. A baby’s table with drawers can be
used later as a dresser in other rooms. An activity table can be used as a sidetable or as a simple coffee table. A bench can be used to store toys or shoes. 3. How can siblings share a room and yet retain some privacy? Separate the two areas in a room with walls of different colours. Place a see-through shelving unit in between the two areas to create a useful divider. Place a half-transparent narrow banner (blind) to create a similar effect. Emphasize the differences between the two siblings, in terms of décor objects or colour preferences. Use different furniture or mention
PHOTO COURTESY
Yifat Agam, Director of Vanilla
feature
TRENDS vs COST
PHOTO COURTESY VANILLA CHILDREN PLACE
Rchildren oom Ideas for ut as your baby grows up, she will start noticing her room, and will probably demand that her decor preferences be taken into consideration. Else, how will it be her own room – her private refuge from the crazy world? So apart from fretting about safety and comfort issues, you will have the additional tasks of taking into account her individuality and pleasing her sense of aesthetics.
THINK AHEAD Classic furniture and a pleasing wall colour can be enjoyed for years as your child goes through various stages of childhood. Keep an activity table with stools or small chairs - this will prepare them for years of studying. The child will concentrate and pay attention to her creation, and will also learn how to hold a crayon or a pencil in a proper way, if the height of the activity table and chairs are correct. Avoid boxing children into the standardized blue and pink themes. It’s restrictive, boring and does nothing to encourage individuality.
Architect Durganand Balsavar on designing rooms: A child’s room is a place for him to live in, play, and enjoy. Parents often focus on the things a child should not do in his room. Young children are happier in simple rooms if they are given a certain amount of creative freedom. Many children scribble and draw on walls and floors to express themselves. Allow children to enjoy their childhood. After all, walls can be painted over. Listen to the child’s ideas when you are working on a room. It gives the child a sense of belonging and responsibility. When he can identify with the room, he inhabits even small spaces joyously. Don’t encourage children to focus on the ‘I’ factor. Families come with a ‘we’ factor, and everybody is a part of that ‘we’. Relationships are the threads that hold our culture together.
32 Parent Circle / August 2012
Any theme, no matter how popular, will be considered passé sooner or later. Before you decide to do up an entire room with a Barbie, Batman or Harry Potter theme, think of the cost. If the murals and modular furniture are going to reflect the current trend, it’s going to cost you to redo it in a year or two when your child changes her mind. Restricting the theme to bed sheets, pillow cases, curtains and posters, caters to the little one’s fancy, and keeps your budget under control.
When adolescent siblings share rooms with each other or with a grandparent sometimes there is a problem. The quality of our relationships cannot be subservient to economic situations. Life, architecture, or homes flourish when the interdependence with the ecosystem is respected. The non-negotiable essentials are plenty of natural light, crossventilation and a window with a view. Adhere to quantitative safety standards. Creative use of space makes our rooms interesting, and the possibilities are plenty. In parts of Japan, families live in 500 sq feet. Yet the space is used so creatively that it doesn’t seem cramped. A living room can be divided into two compact cabins to sleep in at night. Movable walls or wooden partitions allow a change in interiors. The sturdiest things in a room are the walls. Make the wall a part of the cupboard, instead of building wooden stands which occupy more space.
Teen Room eens want style, fads, and their space. With friends dropping in and hanging out, bedrooms double up as a communal club. Parents can pretty much leave it to them to handle the decor for teens have their own idea of how ‘cool’ their room ought to look.
FURNITURE Keep furniture and accessories away from the doorway. Easy access into a room can make it look spacious. Bean bags or small wooden foldable chairs make a fashion statement and provide comfortable seating for friends. PHOTO COURTESY
www.home-designing.com
STORAGE
PATTERNS EKABOO URTESY PE PHOTO CO
There’s no such thing as too much storage space when you try to keep pace with a teen’s collection of books, games, clothes and accessories. Take storage to the ceiling but be sure it is securely fastened. Containers on desktops, boxes on shelves and baskets in closets can hold things that need to be accessible or quickly put away. If storage is not easy, things end up on the floor, beds, tables and chairs. Label containers so that they know what is in them. Racquets and guitars can be hung on walls. Else, you may keep a big basket in a corner for the racquets and other sports equipment. Decide what has to stay inside their room and what can be stored outside.
DECOR Area rugs are trendy. A splash of vibrant colour will make the room attractive. Use wall designs, curtains that stand out and eye-catching pictures. Hang art work, posters or prints that appeal to them. Teens like to make their own posters with pictures, interesting clippings and notes. Allow them to do that. Wallpaper with striking designs can dress up a wall. The bigger the wall, the more muted the design ought to be. The middle and late teens usually prefer geometric designs instead of floral ones. Handbags and accessories hung creatively on walls and doors contribute to a fun decor.
PRIVACY When adolescent siblings share a room and their need for privacy is high, a movable wooden partition can be used. When space takes priority over privacy, the screen can be moved against a wall or to another part of the house. n
SUKADHA PARTHASARATHY IS A FREELANCE WRITER.
www.parentcircle.in 33
teen circle
Teen sex BY RASHREI VYAS
A REALITY CHECK
A
nusha Shankar had promised her sister, who had shifted to another city, that she would clean and rent out the latter’s apartment. On an unscheduled visit to the vacant flat, Anusha was shocked to find her teenage daughter Purvi together with a boy. Anusha did not know him. She lost her cool and yelled at her daughter. Purvi insisted that she had come with her classmate to pick up a webcam that they needed for a school project. What followed were days of bitterness and recrimination. Purvi (P): How can you assume anything? You don’t trust me! Anusha (A): But why did you take the keys from me and go without telling me? P: You left home in a hurry and the keys were in your wardrobe. A: You could have called me! P: I didn’t have any balance in my phone! A: You shouldn’t be alone anywhere with a boy! P: Mom! You are disgusting! Not convinced by her daughter’s claims, Anusha met a counsellor friend who said that most teens in India’s metros are sexually active. It cannot be ruled out that Purvi was indeed dallying with the boy. On the other hand, in this era of open interaction between sexes, Purvi had probably told the truth that they were indeed just co-eds working on a common project. The counsellor also suggested that it was better for Anusha to have an open talk with Purvi, when things had cooled off a bit, in a neutral, non-accusing tone.
34 Parent Circle / August 2012
A survey conducted by this writer reveals that several high schoolers have a significant other and most parents are unaware of these relationships. Sexual activity among such teens can range from mild to moderate. Here is what a few teenagers, who responded to the survey, had to say about their peers’ comfort levels around the activity: “After
a few dates or if they know each other well, they should be comfortable kissing and hugging.”
“When
they get physical, they think they are in control but they are not!” “At first, they are scared. Then they succumb to peer pressure. I think their feelings get mixed up.”
WHY TEENS TRY SEX According to psychologist Mini Rao, many teens are engaging in sexual activities nowadays. Factors responsible for this trend include:
CURIOSITY. Many teens are curious about sex and try out what they see on the Internet without sparing a thought about the possible consequences.
PEER PRESSURE. Thoughts like ‘Everyone is doing it except me’, and comments from friends like “Hey, she’s still a virgin” can drive teens towards such activities.
OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTS. Teens who are smothered in a controlling, micromanaging, and suspicious environment are strong candidates for rebellion once they have an opportunity. Teenager Gayathri Amar talks of a friend who asked to be introduced to a boy on Gayathri’s Facebook friends’ list. Coming from a very conservative family, the girl had no way of meeting the boy. So Gayathri invited the two over for her birthday party. Sparks flew and the girl started meeting the boy secretly on the pretext of attending tuition classes or going to a friend’s house for combined studies. “Just meeting the boy by defying her mother gave the girl a bigger thrill than actually being with him,” says Gayathri. In a short time, they became intimate, and went the whole way. Now, the girl has decided to break up with the boy as her mother ‘found’ out, beat her up and locked her in a room. Today, Gayathri is caught between the boy who is depressed and the girl who
refuses to talk to her in mortal fear of her mother. “I am racked with guilt as I worry that the two will do something stupid like commit suicide or elope. I wish I had never introduced them in the first place,” says Gayathri.
“I am shocked by what today’s children already know. During sex education classes at schools, teens ask me about erotic terms I haven’t heard of.” Arundhati Swamy, counsellor.
LACK OF SUPERVISION. Complex parental work schedules, easier access to technology, and carelessness among parents about who should be more vigilant about their teen’s activities allow today’s teenagers to find more opportunities to be alone together for long stretches of time without parental supervision.
SINGLE PARENT. SINGLE CHILD. Usually, the child of a single parent tends to miss out on the checks and balances that both parents provide – particularly if the single parent is a mother. A lone teen girl, for instance, can mistakenly seek ‘happiness’ with male company, and temporarily escape
from the depression and struggle her mom is going through for the family’s upkeep. Suchitra Krishna was a 9th standard student from an upmarket school who was found to be perennially associated with boys in school and outside. Her mother (a single parent) appealed to the school principal for help. The principal, a firm and a kind man, exclusively encouraged and motivated Suchitra to participate in many activities where she could shine and be in the limelight. In a year, Suchitra transformed into a new person, thanks to the principal’s guidance and encouragement.
MEDIA. Movies, TV, videos, music, magazines, newspapers and the Internet constantly expose teenagers to provocative materials. These further ignite sexual desires in teens who are already battling their hormones.
LOVE. Love, acceptance and affirmation these weaken resistance to physical intimacy, especially for girls because they are under the mistaken belief that physical intimacy will secure a boy’s love.
IMPRESSING FRIENDS. Notorious children are usually admired by their peers. Teens may deliberately indulge in shocking behaviour to win peer approval and present a ‘cool’ or ‘wild’ image. 8
www.parentcircle.in 35
teen circle
HOW PARENTS CAN HELP walks the talk when she says that teenagers should be allowed to divert their energies to creative pursuits. “If you do not guide your child, he will tend to let his hormones rule. Building a good rapport and tracking his activities discreetly will go a long way in preventing heartburn later,” she says.
SEX AND BEYOND.
IDENTITY CRISIS. During teenage years, there is a constant need to establish or discover one’s identity. Teens spend a lot of time wondering: ‘Who am I?’ There is self-doubt, particularly regarding one’s appearance. Again, break-ups lead to feelings of unworthiness and a strong ‘I will die’ feeling. Parents can support their children by building self-esteem in them from a young age. If children feel secure and loved at home, they will be able to cope with their troubles.
DISPLACED EMOTIONS. In a teen relationship, the boy wants sex, while the girl seeks romance. The girl tries to ‘please’ the boy by giving in to his desires. This is a result of emotional displacement. Again, when parents want their children to live up to their expectations, children feel rejected as their unique personalities are suppressed. This drives them to seek the one who will accept them as they are.
CREATIVE OUTLET. Dr Waheeda Suresh, a gynaecologist and the mother of teenage daughters,
36 Parent Circle / August 2012
A Chennai schoolgirl says that her best friends, a couple, are practically married! They have posted intimate pictures on Facebook for the world to see. The boy even ties a thali (sacred marital thread) around the girl’s neck in one of the pictures sans any ceremony or formality that surrounds a marriage. The parents of these teens have either turned a blind eye or are clueless. What happens if such ‘married’ girls become pregnant?
to be safe than sorry,” says Dr Waheeda. “Our grandparents were married when in their teens. That kept their hormones in check,” says Dr Waheeda. “Now, we expect children to not feel anything. Show them the healthy way to sexuality. Tell them it is normal to be attracted to others, and to acknowledge their emotions. Make them understand that virginity should be preserved for a mature relationship when the time comes. Often, girls come to me to have their hymen sutured before their wedding night. Why go through this duplicity? Why not wait till you have found the right one?” asks Dr Waheeda. To reduce sexually risky behaviours which can lead to HIV, sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancies, parents should educate their teens
When children feel rejected by parents, their unique personalities are suppressed. This drives them to express themselves in undesirable ways. Dr Suresh sees teenagers on a regular basis who claim to have ‘permanent partners.’ Recently, a teen was brought to her in the seventh month of pregnancy for termination. “The mother was not aware of the situation until then”, says Dr Waheeda. “Mothers can keep a discreet watch on their daughter’s menstrual cycles. They should teach them about safe sex. I have expats bringing their children studying in classes 8 and 9 for contraception advice. Indian parents should also face the reality. It is better
on sex two years before they reach puberty. Schools should welcome compulsory sex education programmes. “The media can be more responsible and have some sort of censorship in place when it comes to revealing explicit material. Our society needs to stop being in denial, and should wake up to this dangerous trend of teenagers indulging in sexual activities and take steps to prevent the risks associated with it,” concludes Mini Rao.
Survey shows... Several high school students of tee are in serious met on school ns relationships. campus; 25% met online.
75%
All teen couples are physically intimate. Intimacy levels range from mild to moderate.
TIPS FOR PARENTS Trust your teen. Make him responsible for his actions. Discuss your teen’s crushes with a large dose of humour. Don’t humiliate or insult your teen. Be open about your teen’s friends of the opposite sex visiting your house. Casually request your teen to keep the door to their room open when friends of the opposite gender are visiting. Even when ‘correcting’, use a delayed approach combined with large infusions of praise. For instance, if they have done something that has greatly disturbed you, do not explode immediately. Ask them, “Can I talk to you tonight?” During the ‘talk’, tell them, “I know you are a very responsible (praise) boy. There must be a reason why you had to do this. Can we talk about it?” Restrict access to websites. Several parental control applications are available online to control both chat and browsing. http://www. thewebblocker.com/ has a good software you can download for free. Take your daughter for regular gynaecological checkups. Teach teens about safe sex. Being in denial and expecting ‘no sex’ may not help. Educate your daughter about saying ‘No’. Tell them when one is subjected to sex without their consent even by a loved one, it is rape. Tell your children that money is not equal to sex or love. Teach them that they need not get ‘blackmailed’ for favours. n
75%
of teen couples get cosy in lonely nooks on school campus; 25% find opportunities at home when nobody else is around.
Taking long drives; going to movies and restaurants are the most favoured ‘dating’ opportunities.
50%
couples fear ‘getting caught’; 25% fear pregnancy; 25% fear getting committed.
Most
parents are not aware that their children are in relationships.
parents speak “When my daughter said she had a boyfriend, I cautioned her against going overboard with her emotions and told her to keep a check on them from time to time.” “The most shocking incident I came across is the suicide, one after the other, of two teenaged youngsters in love, despite the second one having been reassured and counselled.” “I don’t see much of a difference now in friendships between sexes from my own teenage years, but I think it is much more open now. Today, there is a greater acceptance of friends belonging to the opposite sex. The age when pairing started off then is the same as it is now. In the beginning, there is no commitment or intensity, so it is just an exploration.” “What we can do is to ensure a healthy relationship with our children to prevent unsafe and prolonged explorations. The education system today lacks a creative outlet for teenagers to harness their energies. That is why I think there is a rapid increase in love letters and newer forms of stalking.”
RASHREI VYAS IS A FREELANCE WRITER.
www.parentcircle.in 37
tech talk
A
s a teenager, I consider technology to be a necessity. I am on my phone or computer pretty much 24/7, and using technology is second nature to me. I pick up a new device and within minutes, I figure out the nuances of the device. Often, I see people with the latest and greatest gadget, using not even one-tenth of its features and struggling even with these. There must be a way to get the technologicallychallenged to where they can at least understand the basics. In reality, it is not too difficult. In any case, here is a start for figuring out smartphones.
The Portable Music Player In 1980, Sony sparked the portable music revolution with its first Walkman. It was a cassette-based device that allowed people to listen to music on the go. Consumers would carry with them the player and multiple cassettes to access hours of music. It took a mere four years for Sony to raise the bar. The introduction of Compact Discs (CDs) just before this, gave Sony a new medium to store music. CDs could store much more music and were more portable compared to cassettes. They stored what is known as digital music files, meaning that songs could be easily transferred to and from computers.
BY HARISH RAJA
38 Parent Circle / August 2012
Digital music then brought on another new wave in portable music. Innovators saw this as an opportunity to create new, smaller devices that could store much more music without the need to carry around extra cassettes or CDs. This was the birth of the digital music player (one variant is the mp3 player).
The main problem with digitized music was that nearly every player had its own type of digital file, making it difficult to unify the portable music market. In this flaw, Steve Jobs (of Apple fame) saw an opportunity to improve on the existing products. So, in 2002, he revolutionized the music player market with the release of the first iPod. When he created the iPod, he created an ecosystem. iTunes, the software accompaniment to the iPod, made it easy to buy, and manage music unlike anything before. Moreover, the iPod had the easiest user interface with little or no learning curve. It became especially popular with joggers, and music lovers who now only had to carry a small device that could hold thousands of songs. Future generations added photo and video compatibility, transforming the iPod into a small digital media device.
The Cellular Phone When cellphones first came out, all that people could do was make phone calls, and maybe store a few contacts. So, in order to be productive on the go, many people bought Personal Digital Assistants (PDAs) such as a Palm Pilot that helped them stay more organized. This device had calendars to help keep track of appointments, allowed better access to contacts, and gave the opportunity for users to keep notes. Phones and PDAs converged into what is now called a smartphone: a phone with features such as calendars,
notes, and contacts. As technology began to improve, smartphones gained Internet connectivity, cameras, and some even had rudimentary music players. Apple saw this as a threat to the huge market share that it had gained in the music player segment. In response, Steve Jobs defined the smartphone as we know it today, with the release of the iPhone in 2007. This included many features including the ones aforementioned, but one of the most important was its music player. A year later, the app store was unveiled. This allowed third party software designers to create applications for the iPhone that could then be sold to users, essentially unlocking the door to many more features. The iPhone became a gaming platform, an Internet device, a messaging system, a social networking hub, a productivity device, a baby encyclopedia, a means of stimulating children’s curiosity, and much more.
Now Currently, there are two operating systems that are prevalent in the smartphone market: iOS by Apple, and Android by Google. By and large, both systems have the same features: email, Internet, camera, calendars, and much, much, more. Each has proprietary app stores, carrying over half a million apps.
dozens of manufacturers, most notably HTC and Samsung. This actually reflects the biggest difference between the two systems. Also iOS is a closed source, and Android is an open source. Being a closed source, all devices that run iOS must be approved by Apple (hence there are no other manufacturers), and all applications that can be bought on the app store must be checked and approved by Apple before it can be sold to the public. This can be a drawback as Apple can have the power to disallow applications that it believes will infringe on its products. But the upside is that all the applications that can be bought are 100% safe as far as content and viruses are concerned. Android, on the other hand, is an open source, meaning that anyone can use the operating system on the phones that they develop (hence a large number of manufacturers), and there are no restrictions on the applications that can be sold. The downside to this is that it is difficult to gauge the safety of an application regarding data security, and content. However, the upside is that the amount of customization that can be done is much greater, and there is a wider range of applications that can be bought. There is in fact a third up and coming operating 8
There is only one iOS device: the iPhone, whereas Android has hundreds of devices made by
www.parentcircle.in 39
tech talk fact, some phones have already come out with quad core (4 cores) processors.
system: Windows Phone. It is developed by Microsoft, and as far as the philosophy goes, it is somewhere between iOS and Android. For iOS, there is no variation in the look and feel among the devices. On the other hand, for Android there is no limit to the variation between the various devices. Windows Phone, on the other hand, allows for some variation between devices, but with strict conditions. For example, all Windows Phones must have a dedicated camera button and a fixed screen resolution. What about the Blackberry, you may ask. Developed by Research In Motion Limited, it was among the earliest smartphones to gain popularity when it hit the market. Today it is being increasingly replaced by other systems, which have many more downloadable applications. The Blackberry has some of the best built-in email integration and security, and allows companies to set up their own email server according to their specific needs. However, many of the other systems have now developed email systems just as secure. One unique feature of the Blackberry is the Blackberry Messenger (BBM). As an online SMS system, it far surpasses most messaging services. It provides real time information on whether the recipient has received and read your message.
40 Parent Circle / August 2012
What to look for when buying a phone Operating System: This is the choice between Android, iOS, Windows and several other operating systems that run the phones. More importantly, you should try out devices that run the different systems and figure out which interface you like the best. Beyond a point, they all have the same features. So all that really matters is your preference, based on the look and feel of the system. Processor: The processor is the ‘brains’ of the phone, so the faster the processor, the smoother the phone operation will be. For example, a processor that runs at 1 Giga Hertz (1GHz) will run slower than that a processor that runs at 1.2GHz. Another thing to consider is the number of cores. Cores are basically the number of layers in the processor. For example, most of the really high-end phones have dual core, meaning that the processor can run two streams of instructions simultaneously, resulting in about twice the speed of a single core processor. In
Screen: There are two sets of numbers that you should watch for when looking at screens: the size and resolution. The size of the screen is measured diagonally (as with TVs), with most smartphones having a screen size between 3.5 and 4 inches. The resolution corresponds to the number of pixels that compose the screen. This is usually given as: 480 X 800. The first number corresponds to the number of pixels horizontally and the second number, the number of pixels vertically. Also remember that a 480 X 800, 3.5-inch display will be slightly sharper than a 4-inch display with the same resolution. Unfortunately, no two screens use the same technology. So the blacks, the whites, and the in-betweens will not be the same for two different phones. The best way to find the one you like is to check out the phones before purchase. Camera: Now that all phones have cameras, this feature needs to be checked when buying the phone. The widespread belief is that the quality of a camera is based solely on the number of megapixels, but in reality, cameras have more nuances than just this. Again I must say in order to find a good camera, you must take a picture on the phone and then look at the quality. To conclude, when you make a decision to buy a phone, see whether you like it beyond its good looks. Your decision should be based on your personal preference, and how user-friendly you find the navigation process of accessing its myriad offerings. n
HARISH RAJA HAS JUST COMPLETED HIS 12TH STANDARD FROM THE AMERICAN INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL, CHENNAI.
nutrition Oats
Quinoa Red Rice
Brown Rice Ragi
Kamb
White rice and other refined grains are the root of our nation ’ s heal t h evil s .
Samai
Thinai BY SMITHA SURESH
W
e all know, but still do not attach enough importance to the specific benefits of fibre, vitamins, minerals and other phytonutrients that are naturally, and abundantly present in wholegrain cereals and pulses. Science tells us that a diet comprising multiple wholegrains immediately improves digestion, lowers bad cholesterol levels in blood, is better for the liver, boosts immunity, keeps blood glucose levels stable and cuts the risk of most non-communicable diseases, thereby increasing our lifespan.
42 Parent Circle / August 2012
We also prefer to think that the typical South Indian diet, in its current form, is healthy enough. Take a typical day's breakfast – idlis, dosas or pongal – made from white rice or take rava upma, all doused with oil or even ghee. Lunch - a significant quantity of white rice, sambar, rasam or curry. Dal or pulses may not even feature in a meal. A small serving of vegetables, if any, maybe a salad and a bit of buttermilk or curd (not necessarily low fat) are the other constituents. At snack time, we have murukku, mixture or even biscuits. Dinner can
be more or less the same as lunch or just consist of tiffin items and may not contain a regular protein dish. So, refined grains are not just a part of our daily diet – they are a predominant component. White rice and other refined grains are the root of our nation’s health evils. One of the biggest myths is that we need them. Until a couple of generations ago, our ancestors ate hand-pounded, unpolished rice apart from other wholegrains (almost nothing was highly polished or refined, not even sugar). They were intensely active and lived a long healthy life.
Eating refined grains including white rice everyday can lead to: Poor digestion and even constipation. Development of piles and hernia. Insulin resistance – cells do not respond to insulin, leading to Diabetes. A lack of essential nutrients for basic body processes. A sluggish metabolism leading to weight gain, especially around the abdomen. This in turn, leads to increased risk for a host of problems including heart disease. Syndrome X or the Metabolic Syndrome – an outcome of this syndrome is non-alcoholic fatty liver disease, abnormal blood lipids and high uric acid levels in blood – affecting the liver, heart and kidney. Low energy levels, higher frequency of food cravings and addictions and binging, leading to more weight gain.
Going wholegrain means replacing white rice, maida, rava, white bread and other refined carbohydrate foods with wholegrain ones. The foods you need to avoid are white rice, rava, parboiled white rice (in dosas), instant noodles, most biscuits, naans, kulchas and rumali rotis. Bakery products are also mostly made with maida. Check food labels and remember that ‘wheat flour’ is still maida.
Examples of wholegrains to start using are millets (ragi, thinai, samai, kamb), brown and red rice, whole wheat, oats and quinoa. Replacing your regular dals with whole grams / pulses or split ones with skin is the next step. Consuming partial measures of wholegrains on a weekly basis is now the norm in many households. However, nothing less than switching over to wholegrains on a daily basis will have long-term benefits for your family. This doesn’t mean you need to avoid refined grains for the rest of your life – just use them infrequently, once in a fortnight or in a month, cooked healthily and in small quantities, along with other nutritious foods. Try this path and you will see immediate results. You will be ensured of longterm benefits. The following recipes demonstrate how easily one can incorporate wholegrains into daily cooking and tickle the family's taste buds at the same time. Enjoy the earthy and natural flavours of these foods. These are just some examples of different types of dishes that use wholegrains. Feel free to experiment and share your creations and results with us. All grains mentioned in the recipes are now available regularly in super markets. If not, try your local organic store. n SMITHA SURESH IS A CHENNAI-BASED NUTRITIONIST EXPERIENCED IN CLINICAL FITNESS AND CORPORATE NUTRITION COUNSELLING.
GLOSSARY OF TERMS Tamil Kamb Kelvaragu Thinai
English Pearl Millet Finger Millet Foxtail Millet
Hindi Bajra Madua Kakum
Kannada Sajje Ragi Navane
Telegu Sajjalu Ragulu Korra
Malayalam Kamb Moothari Thina
www.parentcircle.in 43
parent chef
Red Pulao with Sprouts Raita l SERVES 6
l COOKING TIME: 1 HOUR
BY SMITHA SURESH & GEETHA VENKATARAMAN
INGREDIENTS FOR PULAO 2 cups red rice 200 g carrots 100 g cauliflower 100 g green peas (shelled) 100 g sweet corn (off the cob) 1 medium onion (chopped for garnishing) 1 tsp red chilli powder Salt to taste FOR SEASONING 1 tbsp oil, ½ tsp each of mustard seeds, jeera, cinnamon, 1 or 2 bay leaves, ½ tsp nutmeg, ¼ tsp turmeric, 1tbsp each of chopped ginger & garlic and a few curry leaves. METHOD Red rice takes longer to cook than normal rice. Cook this first either in a rice cooker or pressure cooker with just enough water for a fluffy texture. Usually 1:2.5 of water is sufficient INGREDIENTS FOR RAITA 2 cups of sprouts (mixture of whole methi, moong and channa sprouts) 2 cups curd 3 small tomatoes (finely chopped) 1 medium onion (optional, finely chopped) 1 tsp jeera Coriander for garnish METHOD Mix the sprouts, tomatoes and onion together with curd. Garnish with jeera and coriander leaves.
44 Parent Circle / August 2012
WHOLESOME WHOLEGRAIN FOODS
and allow for 2 or 3 extra whistles if pressure cooker is used. Lightly boil / steam the cleaned cauliflower, carrots, green peas and corn with a pinch of salt and turmeric for ten minutes. Drain any excess water and reuse in rasam or other dishes later. Remove the rice and drain excess water (if any) and leave it to cool. In a kadai, heat the oil, add the chopped onions and all the other seasoning ingredients along with the red chilli powder. You can vary the amount of each of these spices depending on the flavour that you think should predominate. Once the onions turn golden brown, add the boiled / steamed vegetables, salt and mix. Cook for 5 minutes, add the red rice and mix everything together lightly so as not to end up with a gooey mash. Serve hot. Roasted Punjabi pappads also go well with this dish. Nutrition facts (1 cup of Pulao) Protein 6.5g Fat 3g Calories 242 kcals
To add protein content to the r ecipe (p u la o), add sprouts or boiled pulses. Try add ing tofu (marinate d in lem on juice) to the s easoning before mixing in the vegg ies.
Vegetable Pidikozhakattai withJeera Rasam l MAKES 18 – 20 NOS.
l COOKING TIME: 40 MINS
INGREDIENTS FOR JEERA RASAM 1 tbsp rasam powder 1 small lemon sized ball of tamarind 2 small tomatoes (finely chopped) Salt to taste Coriander leaves for garnishing FOR SEASONING 1 tsp oil / ghee, ½ tsp each of mustard seeds and jeera METHOD Soak tamarind in 1 cup (200ml) of water and heat till warm. Cool, and squeeze out the juice from the tamarind pulp. Heat 2 cups of water in a pan and add the finely chopped tomatoes and bring to a boil. Then, add the tamarind water and rasam powder. Add 1 more cup of water and boil for 5 more minutes. Add salt and wait for a light foam to accumulate on the surface. The flame should be turned off at this point. Heat the oil/ghee in a small pan, add the mustard seeds and once it splutters, add the jeera. Pour this seasoning into the rasam, garnish with coriander leaves and serve piping hot with the nutritious pidikozhakattais.
INGREDIENTS FOR PIDIKOZHAKATTAI ½ cup whole channa ½ cup green gram ½ cup toor dal ¼ cup karamani 2 tbsp whole urad ¼ cup cabbage (finely shredded)
chopped) Curry leaves (finely chopped) 1 inch piece of ginger Red chillies as required (6 for spice) Salt to taste
METHOD Soak all pulses for 4 hours and then completely drain excess water. Grind the soaked pulses together with ginger, red chillies and salt without adding water to get a grainy dough. Add the vegetables and curry leaves and mix by hand. Form oblong rolls with tapered edges - size them according to your convenience. Place these rolls in idli plates and steam for 15 – 20 mins. Dip a knife into the centre of the roll, if it comes out clean, it’s cooked. Serve hot with Jeera rasam. n GEETHA VENKATARAMAN IS A RETIRED GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE.
Nutrition facts (4-5 Pidikozhakkatais)
For the rasam powder Roast 1 tbsp each of coriander seeds (dhaniya), peppercorns, jeera, toor dal with 3 red chillies, 1 tsp of turmeric powder, a pinch of asafoetida and a handful of curry leaves till dry and aromatic. Grind to a fine powder.
¼ cup grated carrot ¼ cup onions (finely
Protein 3.3g Fat Negligible Calories 52 kcals
You can crum ble in the pidikozha kattai with boiled rice, ad d rasam and enjoy! Sprout all th e pulses. Experiment w ith different pul ses (toor and channa ar e a must). Try differen t herbs and spices.
www.parentcircle.in 45
your ideas
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ent zon sil
Fightsand fiestykids
of
Every parent has his or her own parenting style, and each child has his or her own unique personality. Often, we have to explore different ways of handling challenges with our children – what works in one situation with one child may not work in the same situation with another child. Similarly, what works at one time with your child may not work the next time. We hope these ideas will inspire you to devise creative strategies in resolving issues with your own children.
Meenakshi Madhusudanan, Principal, Sri Vidhya Academy International Residential School shares her experience in handling the fights between her children Issue: When my sons were quite young, they used to fight over petty issues. It was very difficult to stop their fights. How we solved this: One day they came into the pooja room fighting. I explained to them that this was a place where we should convey our respect to God. We should not talk or indulge in any activity other than prayer or meditation. Silence was important, I told them. After this, whenever we got together for the evening prayer, they remained silent. An idea struck me. Whenever their arguments or fights became more serious than warranted, I used to take them to the pooja room and sit down together with them in silence. The boys stopped quarreling once they stepped into the room. We named the place Silent Zone. Once I happened to start a fight with my husband and my younger son promptly took me to the Silent Zone. A small child could teach me that I should not shout or fight! After this, we took whoever was agitated or angry, into the Silent Zone and made them calm. I have also tried this in many schools – except that in schools I named the zone Self-Counselling Corner/ Confessing Corner. The solution has worked out well. Swarna Ramesh, mother of a 7-year-old girl and a 6-year-old boy, talks about managing her highly energetic son Issue: Our son is very active and curious. Once his school started giving him homework, I found it very difficult to make him sit down to do his work. He would want to run out and play, or watch TV instead. Incentives or threats did not work with him. Also, I realized that he was learning a lot by just listening to me teach his sister. As a result, he was constantly bored in class and his teachers started complaining about his inattentiveness. How I solved this: I have established a fixed routine for him. Everyday, after he returns from school at around 3:30 pm, he freshens up and eats his snacks. After this he sits down to complete his homework. Then at 5:00 pm, when it is cooler, he is allowed to go outside and play. He returns at 6:00 - 6:30 pm after which he eats his dinner, watches TV and goes to bed exhausted. This has really helped in ensuring that he gets his homework done without me having to be behind him all the time. Also, nowadays when I am teaching my daughter, I make sure my son is away playing or doing something else. This way, he will not be learning ahead of his class and will stay focused in the class. n We would like you to share with us ideas that have worked for you and your family so that other families can benefit from your experience. Write to us at 8/14, Sri Renga Vihar, 3rd floor, First Cross Street, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600 020 or email us at editorial@parentcircle.in. Or call us at 044 24461066/67/68 and share your experience with any member of our editorial team.
46 Parent Circle / August 2012
roots “Not a class, I will be taking the photographs of the exhibits while you note down the information given on the plates. The plates will mention the approximate period of the artwork, a dynasty like Chola or Pallava, location of the find and its Mohenjo-daro, provenance.” Indus Valley Civilizatio n, “What is provenance?” c.a 2600-1900 BCE’ “Provenance is an artwork’s ownership record. Boy, we don’t have much time – so let us do a quick round of the Harappan exhibits before moving to the South Indian section. Later, you will see several stone and bronze sculptures – the pinnacle of South Indian art is said to be the Chola bronze sculptures from the 10th and 11th C CE. However, what you see here is the most famous bronze work of all time - the Dancing Girl. Can you take notes?”
Dancing Girl,
goblins & gopurams BY VIJAY KUMAR
ad, where are we going today?” “Delhi has innumerable historical places one can visit. But we are going to a place which visitors usually skip.” “You mean cave-hunting in Delhi?” “No, last week you saw mostly empty caves near Kanchipuram. Today, we will see a collection of sculptures that could have adorned them, maybe not during the same period in the 7th C CE but definitely around the 8th C CE.” “You mean Pallava sculptures in Delhi?” “Yes, but not Pallava alone. You will see artefacts that date back to the Indus Valley from Harappa and Mohenjo-daro – 4500 years ago, that is 3,300 BCE onwards.” “Wow! So, Dad, where are we going exactly?” “We are going to visit India’s largest museum– the National Museum. And you are going to help me take notes.” “Notes? Who is going to take the class?”
48 Parent Circle / August 2012
Door GCuEa, rCdhiaolan,, 10-11th C India south
Vishnu,
7th C CE Pallava, Kanchipuram
“Dancing Girl, Mohenjo-daro, Indus Valley Civilization, c.a 2600-1900 BCE, Bronze ht 10 cm, lost-wax process.” “There are a few more artefacts shaped like children’s toys. Remember the animal toys you used to pull along when you were a child? These are just like that, but fashioned in bronze. Come, let us go to the South India stone section. Now, what you see here is a 10th11th C CE Chola door guardian.” “Okay, let me write. Door Guardian, 1011th C CE, Chola, South India.“ “When the Pallavas were sculpting the door guardian on the walls of their caves, it was called sculpting in relief. Later, they found it easier to build structural temples and they began sculpting free standing figures, which paved the way for bigger and larger temples. A museum is a great
also on the big thers.“ “Yes, they are the Utsava Murthis. See this late Chola bronze Vishnu.“
place to understand how the styles evolved over a period, as you can compare them side by side. This Vishnu in granite belongs to the Pallava period.“ “7th C CE Pallava, Kanchipuram. But, Dad, how did you identify it?“ "It is not easy but neither is it difficult. You check the head dress (cylindrical), the shape of the torso and also the facial features. Notice how the discus is held sideways as though it is about to be thrown? This posture is called Prayoga Chakra. Later, we will see a Chola bronze of Vishnu and you will spot the differences.“ “Dad, who is this? He has nothing in his hands! How do we know which God it is?“ “He is Vishnu. His two upper hands, holding the conch and the discus, are broken. But you can still identify it as Vishnu by the triangular mark on his right chest – the srivatsam.“
“Vishnu, Chola period, 13th C CE.“ “Yes, do you see how the chakra is facing us? This style indicates it must belong to the 10th C CE or later.“ “I can also see the srivatsam clearly on the chest.“ “This is the chatura form of Shiva dancing. Chola, 10th C CE , Tiruvarangulam.“
Vishnu with broken upper hands
‘Vishnu, CChCoEla’ perio
“Will the mark be present on all stone sculptures of Vishnu?“ “Yes, not only in stone but also in metal. The earliest sculptures must have been made of wood or stucco and kept in the sanctum. But since wood and stucco images don’t last for many years, you did not see any deity in the caves. With time, the Pallavas must have started carving in stone. They also moved to structural temples, and so the sizes of temples began to grow.“ “Yes, I remember how the Kailasanatha temple was very large compared to the Mamandur caves.“ “Good! Again, with large stone deities, there also arose a need for smaller movable ones. Thus came into being the practice of stone Moolavar and having a set of movable bronze sculpture called Utsava Murthi.“ “Oh yes, the ones they bring out on processions and
“Yes. And here is the signature Chola masterpiece – the Nataraja! Nataraja, late Chola 12th C CE, Tanjore.“
d,
13th
Shiva Dancin g, Ch ola, 10th C TiruvarangulaCE , m
“You will be surprised to note that the process for making the Harappan Dancing Girl and the dancing Nataraja are the same – it is called the lost-wax process.“ "Amazing, Dad! Tell me more about the process.“ “Well, in the lost-wax method, a craftsman first fashions the image in wax, then coats it with clay and allows it to dry for a couple of days. Then, the entire image is heated whereby the wax melts, leaving the hollow mould into which hot metal is poured. Once it cools, the clay mould is broken. This way, each sculpture is unique and not mass-produced like your Vinayaga Chaturti Ganesha or Chinese figurines these days. We will see the process when we visit the great craftsmen at their homes in Swamimalai but that will be on your next holiday! So you will have to wait.“ n VIJAY KUMAR IS A COST ACCOUNTANT FROM SINGAPORE AND A SCULPTURE ENTHUSIAST
NatarathjaC, CE,
12 late Cholanjo Ta re
DOCUMENTING HIS JOURNEY IN www.poetryinstone.in
www.parentcircle.in 49
health circle
Liver infections in children BY CHITRA SATYAVASAN
The liver is located in the upper part of the abdomen, below the diaphragm. It regulates the blood’s chemical levels, eliminates toxins, and excretes bile - a digestive fluid which helps to break down fat, preparing it for further digestion and absorption. In children, Hepatitis and jaundice remain the most common liver infections.
Jaundice in newborn babies “Babies have extra red blood corpuscles (RBCs) that break down after they are born. Excess bilirubin, a substance made by the breaking down of RBCs in the baby’s blood, causes the familiar yellowish colour of jaundice,” says Dr Naresh P Shanmugam, paediatric liver specialist and senior consultant at Global Hospitals.
“Hepatitis A and E are spread through contaminated food or water. Hepatitis B and C viruses can cause both acute and chronic liver diseases. Hepatitis C can go undetected for a long time and permanently scar the liver. These viruses are transmitted through contact with blood or other body fluids of an infected person. Newborns may get a Hepatitis B infection from their mothers,” says Dr Shanmugam.
Jaundice appears a couple of days after birth and is self-limiting. The baby’s skin and the white part of the eyes become yellow. When the bilirubin level is high, babies are placed under special lights to break down bilirubin. “Very high levels of bilirubin can cause brain damage and deafness,” adds Dr Shanmugam.
Hepatitis A is self-limiting, while antiviral treatment is suggested for chronic Hepatitis B and C (though there is no guarantee of a cure). Ayurvedic treatment can lend additional support by aiding liver functions.
Only if jaundice persists in newborns for two weeks or more, the cause needs to be investigated. Jaundice in older children is not considered normal as it indicates liver infections or other illness.
Hepatitis and its treatment Hepatitis, a liver infection, leads to inflammation of the organ. In children, most liver infections are caused by two viruses called Hepatitis A and B, though there are other hepatitis virus types.
50 Parent Circle / August 2012
Indicators of liver disease Jaundice Pale-coloured stool Vomiting Nausea Abdominal pain Loss of appetite Change of sleep patterns Blood in the stools and urine Tiredness Abdominal swelling Itching Poor weight gain SOURCE: CHILDREN’S LIVER DISEASE FOUNDATION, UK
Prevention of liver ailments Ensure that your child gets immunized for Hepatitis A & B, eats food that is hygienically prepared and stored, and drinks clean water. Children should be cautious while playing with pets as worms can be transmitted to them from pets, affecting the liver. Monitor your teen for risky behaviours like unprotected sex; drugs, where needles are used; even tattoo piercing, where needles may be contaminated; and ensure that his nail clipper is clean if it is also used by others.
Tips to support a weak liver Dr A Radhakrishna from Venkataramana Ayurveda College offers the following tips to keep your child’s liver in good shape: Include light food (laghu aharam) like green, leafy vegetables and finely-powdered wholegrain or coarsely-powdered parboiled rice kanji (porridge) in your child’s diet. Restrict your child’s consumption of food containing sugar and trans fat. Make fruits like apple, pomegranates and grapes a regular part of your child’s diet. Give your child keezhanalli leaves (Phyllanthus niruri), which is also available in capsule forms, as a medicine. You can also feed your child cooked karisalankanni (bhringaraj) leaves. Try to give your child his dinner by 7:00 pm, and cut the quantity of food. Frequent, small meals are the best for children. Children can be given Livomyn and Liv-52 syrup occasionally to maintain the liver’s good health.
www.parentcircle.in 51
check it out 4-6 YEARS
6-10 YEARS
GOOD READS FOR ALL AGES 2-4 YEARS
Elmer
BY DAVID MCKEE PRICE: `433 PUBLISHER: Random House UK
Learning Good Manners with Pepper PRICE: `295 PUBLISHER: Sterling Publishers Big books with colourful pictures always attract toddlers. Learning Good Manners with Pepper is no exception. The book has twelve stories on topics like table manners, how to keep a promise, and even recycling. These lessons are taught through a cute and adorable pup named Pepper. The text is presented in big fonts. Even if the child cannot read, the colourful illustrations will definitely catch her eye and keep her engaged for some time. Good habits like cleaning your teeth twice a day, helping others and sharing things have been explained in a simple language; the illustrations also complement the topics. There are many books in the Pepper series and each book has something new to teach. Read the book aloud to your child or let her explore it on her own.
52 Parent Circle / August 2012
Elmer is a patchwork multi-colour elephant, one of a kind among a herd of grey elephants. Another factor that sets him apart is that he has a great sense of humour and makes the other elephants laugh. One day Elmer becomes unhappy with his colour, and he rolls and rubs himself against some berries to become grey like the rest of the herd. No one recognizes the new Elmer. The herd misses him and is depressed. The irrepressible Elmer, however, tries to cheer them up, without revealing his identity. His efforts are helped by the rain washing away his acquired colour. His true colours are soon revealed. The story is simple yet extraordinary. Its underlying message is - be happy with who you are, as you are unique in your own way. Do not try to change yourself. The illustrations are colourful and amazing, like the character of Elmer. It almost appears that the illustration is primary and the story is an afterthought, cleverly woven around it. Reading this book will surely bring a smile to your child’s face.
Lucky Stars The Best Friend Wish BY PHOEBE BRIGHT PRICE: `199 PUBLISHER: Macmillan Cassie, who lives with her parents in Astral-on-Sea, on a cliff-top home, tries to reach for the stars. As she is a helpful girl, she is chosen to become a lucky star by an existing star named Stella - to become a person who can grant wishes and also fly! She has to listen to people’s wishes and fulfill them. But first, she needs to collect seven charms to become a lucky star. This book is the first in a series of six books. The way the story has been narrated makes you want to step into Cassie’s shoes and visit the starry firmament yourself, where you can immerse yourself in this twinkling world and watch the stars playing with each other. The illustrations are basic compared to the story’s sparkle. Travel with Cassie in this series of books and get nearer to the stars!
10-12 YEARS
12-14 YEARS
14-16 YEARS
Wisha Wozzariter
BY PAYAL KAPADIA
PRICE: `125 PUBLISHER: Penguin Books India Ten-year-old Wisha loves to read, and wishes to be a writer. To make that wish a reality, she sets off on a journey, along with a bookworm who motivates her to start writing a book. The journey takes them to strange places like the Marketplace of Ideas, Bargain Bazaar and also the Superhero Salon. Books of this kind are rare to come by. Wisha Wozzariter is a fantastic read for middle-school children. The narration is witty, the characters interesting and each dialogue competes with the other. Adults, too, can enjoy reading the book and unravel the metaphor of Wisha - Is she just a thinker with flights of imagination or will she become a writer after all? This book has its soul in the right place and is sure to touch every child’s heart. A special mention should be given to the illustrator, Roger Dahl, who brings the story alive through his lovely and apt sketches.
The Wrath of the Gods BY ANTHONY HOROWITZ PRICE: `250 PUBLISHER: Macmillan Myths and mysteries always intrigue teens. Anthony Horowitz’s The Wrath of the Gods questions what happens when you make the Gods angry. This has been explained through a few stories. One story, for instance, talks about Prometheus, a good giant, who was left to die a slow death by Zeus, the king of Olympus. Another story is about Thor, the God of Thunder, who kills Thrym, King of the Land of Giants. These ancient stories, which you may have either heard or read about, are shown in a new light. They convey the message that whenever the Gods are angry, an event takes place and the world changes forever.
Sweet Sixteen
(Yeah, Right!) BY VIBHA BATRA
PRICE: `199 PUBLISHER: Penguin Books India For Rinkie, it is nothing short of a nightmare, to move from the land of Balle Balle to the land of Naka Muka – after all, she is moving from Delhi to Chennai. Rinkie hates the idea of going to a new school and adjusting to a new city. Life is tough for her in Chennai, but then, slowly, she begins to like her school and the new friends. And yes, like any other teenager, she falls for the school hunk Tejas. This story can well be any teenager’s story. The book is a humorous read written in colloquial teen language. Each character has been brought alive beautifully by the author. It feels like the author is narrating her own story. Read the book and have a good laugh! n
www.parentcircle.in 53
viewpoint
creating a better world for children BY V SRINIVASA RAO
A
s our children grow, we worry too much about their future. And instead of allowing them to flourish on their own, we impose our ideas on them. But as spiritual guru Jaggi Vasudev says, it is time for us to learn from children. Think for a moment: Who looks more happy – your children or you? He believes that children are consultants for happiness.
We evaluate our children through their report cards. We compare them with their peers, wondering if they are better than their friends in studies. We should not kill their curiosity and desire for learning by insisting that they score high marks in this fiercely competitive world. It is our duty to nurture their inherent talents so that they achieve their full potential.
During our evening walks, my daughters talk to me with enthusiasm and burst into creativity – things they don’t do when they are indoors. Take your children out on walks and listen to their ideas. You will realize that they have a lot to teach us. Robin Sharma in his book 'Who Will Cry When You Die' echoes the same view: “Children come to us more highly evolved than adults to teach us the lessons we need to learn.”
Sam Pitroda, adviser to the Prime Minister on public information, infrastructure and innovation, says that you cannot really teach your children, they will learn the way they can. Do what you are supposed to do, and your children will get the message loud and clear. Give them enough space so that they can understand the workings of the world and adapt themselves to situations.
The difference between your children and you is that you know a few survival tricks while they are still innocent and brimming with creativity. Allow them the life they want to lead. Don’t be their boss. Be a guardian so that your children feel that they can share their views with you without earning your anger. If you frighten them, they will move away from you. Be like a friend. Communication is very vital. The greatest gift you can give your children, Robin Sharma says, is the ‘gift of time’. But how much time do we have for our children?
With regard to education, I feel that we are following the system Lord Macaulay introduced in India to create more clerks for the East India Company. Countries have changed their education policy, but we are continuing with the old British one to groom clerks. Many bills related to education are pending in the Parliament. Education reform is the need of the hour. Instead of making radical changes, we need to make incremental changes in education.
54 Parent Circle / August 2012
under the Central Government, with a single board for conducting examinations. What is needed is a collective will to make things better for our children. Recently, I was disappointed with a news item published in a reputed news magazine that India ranked 73 out of 74 countries in a 2009 Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) study based on extensive testing of nearly 5,000 upper primary students in the educationally advanced states of Himachal Pradesh and Tamil Nadu. What is more shocking is that eighth graders from India could barely match the Math skills of South Korean third graders. It is also a shame that a few states allow textbooks to carry inaccurate information or politically-coloured renditions of reality. A case in point: Class 3 Urdu-medium schoolchildren in Andhra Pradesh are being taught Hindustan ke vazir-e-azam PV Narasimha Rao hai (PV Narasimha Rao is India’s Prime Minister). Some tough decisions need to be taken to reform the education sector. n V SRINIVASA RAO IS WITH THE MINISTRY
We can begin by adopting a uniform curriculum throughout India directly
OF HOME AFFAIRS AND IS INTERESTED IN THE SCIENCES AND PHILOSOPHY.
discussion point
Tackling sibling rivalry
If parents and relatives prepare the older child for the arrival of the younger one and explain to him how he will be a big brother, sibling rivalry will not be a problem. Parents should insist that siblings learn to share things with each other to prevent quarrels, now and in the future. Archana Achuthan, Chennai.
I think ‘sibling rivalry’ is an idea adults plant in the minds of the little ones. I have a son and a daughter, and this is how I manage them: • I never compare my children. They are two different individuals with different personalities, and are beautiful in their own ways. • If they fight, they have to resolve the problem themselves. • There is no place for hate. ‘We can win the world with love!’ – this is the message we reinforce in our children. • Most importantly, we do not discuss their fights with neighbours or relatives and add fuel to the fire. Of course, our children fight, irritate and become mad at each other. But if an outsider intervenes and tries to harm them in any way, they stand up for each other. After all, siblings are the best of buddies! Deepa Aathreya, Chennai.
Many city schools now have TV screens in the principal's office that capture images from CCTVs installed in classrooms, corridors and playgrounds. Is this a welcome trend or an invasion of privacy? Please send in your responses before August 15, 2012 to editorial@parentcircle.in with the subject line ‘Discussion Point’, or send them to PARENT CIRCLE, 3rd Floor, Shri Renga Vihar, 8/14 First Cross St, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020, India.
Make sure you treat your children as equals. Tell them why you sometimes prioritize one child’s need over the other one‘s; usually, children buy a good reason. Suppose one child wants me to help her put on her clothes, while the other needs my help in switching on the Pogo channel. I tell them I have to help the child get dressed up first because that is a more urgent need than watching something on TV. Also, enlist your older child’s help when doing things for the younger one. My daughter loves it when I ask her to get
my son his towel and his clothes after I give him a bath. That way, she feels important as she is helping me take care of him. Similarly, when I ask my son to get my daughter her crayons, he does it willingly. Gayathri Panickker, Chennai.
I started preparing my older son when I was pregnant with the second one. I used to take him with me during the scans, and show him his baby brother growing inside me. I also allowed him to ask questions to the doctor. I even got him a book which taught him how a big brother should behave. Even then, he was a little hesitant in the beginning. But soon, he started accepting the little one as he could play cricket with him! I give my older son as much importance as I give the younger one. For example, when we are looking at some old photographs, I tell him how he was as a child and how special he is to me. The older one still gets a little possessive about me at times, but only for a short time. They have even learnt to settle their fights on their own now. Suchithra Sasisekar, Bangalore.
There is almost a two-year gap between my son and my daughter. When they fight, I let them solve the problem amicably. If they want to watch TV at the same time, I tell them to take turns. While my son is watching TV, I take my daughter inside and start reading a story. After a while, he gets bored of watching TV and starts listening to the story. This way, I divert their minds and both are happy. We treat both our children equally. For example, if we are enacting a story, I ask both of them to play a role each, and if they both want to play the same character, we enact the play twice. Gayathri Devanathan, Bangalore.
www.parentcircle.in 55
kaleidoscope
MONTESSORI SCHOOL WITH A DIFFERENCE OysterKids Montessori school gets a new address at Alwarpet. The school’s USP is its blend of music and arts-based education with its Montessori curriculum. The school aims to promote a child’s personal, social and emotional development through experiential learning. It offers day-care facilities, and also trains primary schoolchildren for international competitive exams. Its library is called OysterWormz, where children can explore books in an air-conditioned setting or take books home to read. OysterKASH offers unique after-school weekday activities like robotics, vocabulary enrichment, story-telling, and other fun weekend workshops. Apart from this, the school has OysterCare for working moms, Mommy ‘n’ Me programme and prenatal classes. For details, contact Charanya Prabhakar (9840917714) or Preethy Prasad (9840074429). Address: New #177, Luz Church Road, Mylapore, Chennai - 600004.
THEATRE CLASSES AT EUROKIDS Eurokids T Nagar will be conducting Helen O’ Grady theatre classes for children at their premises. Helen O'Grady classes began in Australia in 1979 and are now held in 23 countries. In India, the programme was started in 2004. There will be 30 classes spread over three terms. Helen O’ Grady conducts developmental drama activities aimed at increasing the self- confidence, self-esteem and verbal skills of students. The classes will begin in the first week of August. The course will cost `5,200 for 30 classes. For details, contact Krithika Rangan (9500009090) or email eurokidstnagar@gmail.com.
56 Parent Circle / August 2012
NEW ACTIVITIES ABOARD THE YELLOW BUS Olio - the activity hub for the Yellow Bus playschool at Besant Nagar - is introducing a host of new programmes this year. Happy Readers (a reading programme) and Masquerades (a theatre programme) will be held on weekends, while Little Stars, a unique fun programme using award-winning children’s literature and enrichment activities, will be held on weekdays. For toddlers, Yellow Bus offers fun-filled activities like rhymes, songs, books, and instruments to foster language development, musical awareness, self-esteem, motor coordination, sensitivity to others, and sense of rhythm. In the Toddler Time programme, each young child sits on an adult's lap. This way, both the children and parents can participate. The programme also includes a physical fitness programme conducted by facilitators from Edu-Sports. For details, contact Hema Chari (9884549688 or 044 45511819).
AWARD- WINNING KOREAN PLAY COMES TO CHENNAI Woyzeck, an award-winning and widely-travelled production by Sadari Movement Laboratory, one of Korea’s most innovative, contemporary theatre companies , will be premiering in Chennai on August 16, 2012 as part of The Hindu Metroplus Theatre Festival. Woyzeck is a play about a soldier driven mad by the social order that dominates him. The objects, bodies, movement and space have been combined to create a beautiful physical and visual language where chairs are used as metaphors. The play won the Herald Angel and Total Theatre Award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2007 and has since then been invited to tour the world. For details, contact Inko Centre (044 24361224). n