editorial
For the Parent in you To know, to understand, to connect It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea. ~Dylan Thomas Worst of enemies one minute and best of friends the very next - those of us with siblings and those of us with more than one child can definitely relate to this. I remember my own childhood days as the middle child with an older brother and a younger sister – days when I was teased by my brother and I ran around the house trying to catch him to pull his hair out; or when I was so mad at my sister for taking my toy, that I tore her dress. But I also remember the times when we just hung out together playing cards, or just listening to music. These were special times that laid the foundation for our future relationships. Today my relationship with my siblings is based on mutual respect for each other, giving each other our own space and knowing that we can count on each other when we really need to. Find us on
We, as parents, can create an environment conducive to creating healthy relationships amongst our children, mitigating rivalry by celebrating their individuality, acknowledging their differences and guiding them in resolving conflicts. Our special feature, ‘My Sister, My Brother: nurturing healthy sibling relationships,’ addresses this in greater detail. In the wake of the recent brutal sexual attack on the young girl in Delhi, newspapers and media are filled with similar stories of sexual assaults on women and girls as young as 11 years of age all over India. Our article, ‘10 Ways to Tackle Sexual Harassment’, serves as a guide to equip our women and girls with skills for self-protection. In homes with active young children, scraped knees and fractured elbows are accidents waiting to happen. Our feature, ‘First Things First’, is a guide that gives you useful tips on how you can take care of these injuries at home, before you go to a doctor. The article ‘5 New Year resolutions for parent and child’, offers a humorous take on New Year resolutions for both the parent and the child – resolutions that may actually create some harmony in the home! Wishing you and your family a Happy and Harmonious 2013!
NALINA RAMALAKSHMI PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Nalina Ramalakshmi MANAGING EDITOR Nitya Varadarajan ASSISTANT EDITOR Chitra Satyavasan SENIOR EDITOR - COPY DESK Shashwathi Sandeep CONTENT COORDINATOR Asita Haq
CREATIVE HEAD Rangashree Srinivas SENIOR DESIGNER G Swarupa GRAPHIC DESIGNER M Ravisankar PRODUCTION CONSULTANT S Venkataraaman ADMINISTRATION Sheeja Sasindran
VICE-PRESIDENT SALES & DISTRIBUTION M R Jayakkar GENERAL MANAGER - ADVERTISING S Visalam MANAGER - ADVERTISING G Suresh Kumar CIRCULATION C Ganesh S Thirumalai SUBSCRIPTION Dolly Preethi Martina M S Saravanan
Parent Circle is published by Nalina Ramalakshmi, Director, Shri Harini Media Pvt. Ltd. All editorial material including editorial comments, opinions and statement of facts appearing in this publication, represent the views of its respective authors and does not necessarily carry the endorsement of the publishers. Information carried in Parent Circle is gathered from sources considered to be reliable, but the accuracy of all information cannot be guaranteed. The publication of any advertisements or listings is not to be construed as an endorsement of the product or service offered.
PUBLISHED BY Nalina Ramalakshmi Director, Shri Harini Media Pvt. Ltd. (A Ramco Group Associate) 8/14, First Cross Street, Karpagam Gardens, Adyar, Chennai 600020 PRINTED BY Canara Traders and Printers Pvt. Ltd. Type II/33, V.S.I. Estate, Thiruvanmiyur, Chennai 600 041 To advertise in this magazine call 044 24461066/67/68 or email advertise@parentcircle.in
www.parentcircle.in
1
contents
SPECIAL COVER STORY
16
My Sister, My Brother
20
5 New Year
Resolutions
Nurturing healthy sibling relationships
REGULARS 6
MINDSET Get your Child to
48
Listen Without Nagging 10
TEEN CIRCLE 10 Ways to Tackle Sexual Harassment
34
40
RESOURCES 50
52
CHECK IT OUT Good Reads for All Ages
NUTRITION Only Okra TECH TALK Podcasts: Your
56
KALEIDOSCOPE
ROOTS The Indian Republic in a Nutshell
46
DESTINATIONS Hyderabad: The City of Nizams
2
Parent Circle / January 2013
42
PARENT EXPRESS All in the Family (way)
What’s New?
Radio on Demand 44
Young Dancers
28
PARENT CHEF Italian Fiesta
HEALTH CIRCLE First Things First
39
a Zero Waste Home
LEARNING ‘Mom, I Have a Project for You!’
30
CENTRESPREAD
CIRCLE OF LIFE 3 Steps to
54
DISCUSSION POINT Single Board of Education
FORUM 4
YOUR WORD Letters to the Editor
ON THE COVER PHOTO BY
ROHITH R RAMAN & RIYAA R RAMAN S VENKATARAAMAN
mindset
Get your child to listen without
nagging
S
BY SHASHWATHI SANDEEP
unanda Prakash packs a standard lunch of chappathi, veggies and dal for her 12-year-old son Aarav to take to school every day. If she finds the lunch uneaten, she harps on the fact that Aarav does not know or understand the benefits of such a ‘balanced lunch’ and how concerned she is about his nutrition intake. To avoid the ‘lecture’ and recrimination, Aarav runs to the toilet as soon as he gets home and flushes down his lunch. He soon starts getting headaches. One day, Sunanda catches him in the act of disposing of the food. Fortunately, she realizes that her ‘nagging’ will not work anymore, and works out different food options for her son.
6
Parent Circle / January 2013
This is a classic example of ‘nagging’. The Oxford dictionary defines ‘nagging’ as: harassing, irritating, niggling, irksome, pesky; keep criticizing somebody; ask somebody repeatedly; be persistently painful or bothersome.
Why nag? Parents resort to nagging when they feel that their child is not listening to them. “Parents have fixed notions, sometimes unrealistic, about certain matters, and expect their children to listen to them instantly and implicitly. As children, they would have listened to their parents - and now, despite the changing times and culture, they expect the same from their children,” explains S Yamuna, a psychologist from Chennai.
special
5 New Year resolutions for a parent
1 I will not expect my child to be a champ in tennis, dance, art, music and get the st 1 rank in class all at the same time.
TEXT: RANGASHREE SRINIVAS
2
I will not spend thousands of rupees to send my child to an ‘Adventure camp’, but instead allow him to climb the tree in my own backyard.
16 Parent Circle / January 2013
ILLUSTRATIONS: G SWARUPA
3
I will give myself a time out from my iPad when I give my son a time out from his PSP.
4 My wife and I will share equal parenting rights and duties.
5 I will neither try to be a dude nor a Hitler to my teen and his friends. I will try to be a father.
cover story
my sister my brother
Nurturing healthy sibling relationships BY SUKADHA PARTHASARATHY
S
uppose your siblings are planning to visit you. Do you look forward to a good time with them? Or do you cringe, and count the hours left for them to leave so that you can return to your life? You cannot help feeling apprehensive, can you? “Look, you don’t know what happened the last time we met!” you may say. But it is rarely about what happened the last time you met. In all probability, it is rooted in your childhood. You were just a toddler, taking your first steps, but family dynamics had already started shaping your attitude towards your sibling. So there you are – if something is not quite right with you and your sibling, it could well be a trigger that was set off in childhood. Your relationship with your siblings plays quite a part in making you the person you are. So, it is important to get that sister act right. Or help your children get it right. Because very often, parents can, unknowingly, press the wrong buttons, and thereby sow seeds for a lifetime of convoluted relationships between their children.
20 Parent Circle / January 2013
why a little sibling rivalry is healthy Sibling rivalry stems from competing for parental attention and sensitivity to differential parental treatment. It is a normal part of childhood as long as it does not get out of hand. Sangeeta Makesh, a Chennai-based counselling psychologist, says,“Sibling relationship is one of the most important and long-lasting connections in life. It is from siblings that one develops emotional complexities in childhood. Emotional intelligence begins with sibling rivalry.” The presence of siblings speeds up children’s socio-emotional development. Relationships with siblings affect the child’s relationship with his peers. Children with closer relationships to their siblings tend to have closer relationships with their friends as well and vice-versa.
when rivalry gets serious But severe rivalry is a cause for concern. “Factors like family discord, not being able to cope with academics, and stress can give rivalry a darker, meaner edge.
It is easier for a child to release his frustrations on a sibling rather than on an adult. Seeking professional help to work out issues that can disrupt family life becomes important in such cases,” says Arundhati Swamy, a Chennaibased counsellor. Differential treatment by the parents, (elaborated under Parents’ role) affects children severely. It can be something as simple as age – giving in to the younger one, or as complex as special pride in a child who excels in school when compared to the sibling who does not. It is hard for siblings to bond together when one is preferred over the other. It results in a lot of antagonism between them. Adolescence is tough enough with its identity crisis and mood swings, without the added problems of sibling rivalry. Factors affecting sibling relationships include the role of parents, and the differences in children’s age and temperaments:
parents’ role 1. Preferential treatment: “Sadly, Indian parenting is achievement- 8
health circle
FIRST + THINGS FIRST With children at home, accidents can sneak upon us in unsuspecting ways. Here are a few first aid essentials you need to know. BY CHITRA SATYAVASAN
O
ne lazy Sunday afternoon, publishing professional Swati decided to make fruit custard for her 5-yearold daughter Keerthi. Just as she removed a pan of boiling milk from the stove and turned around, her daughter stretched her hands excitedly and overturned the pan. Boiling milk scalded her daughter’s arm, and she began shrieking wildly and flaying her arms. Swati was about to get some ice cubes and roll one on Keerthi’s arm, when her husband, an architect, rushed to the kitchen hearing the commotion. “I was planning to apply an antiseptic cream on the burn after putting ice cubes, not knowing that they were the wrong things to do for a burn.
34 Parent Circle / January 2013
Always try to remain calm and reassure your child when he gets hurt. Never blame him for what happened. Luckily, my husband knew what to do. He immediately showed Keerthi’s arm under running water for about 15 minutes. He asked me to get a cling film we keep in the kitchen to cover fruits and vegetables in the fridge. He covered Keerthi’s hand with it, and then took her to our doctor,” says Swati. We often connect accidents to those which occur on the roads. Home, being deeply entrenched in our psyche as a comfort zone where we stay safe and protected, does not spring to our minds as a ready venue for accidents. But when you have small children running helter-skelter in your house, minor accidents become a part of everyday life. Though parents often try to minimize injuries by keeping a house
child-proof, there’s always the moment when a little girl may hurt her head against a door or accidentally swallow a marble she found in her older brother’s room. But like Swati, we may often take the wrong steps if we do not know first aid basics. The purpose of first aid is to help stabilize the injury until medical help arrives. For minor accidents, however, first aid alone will suffice. Experts from Apollo Children’s Hospital in Chennai and from St John’s Ambulance in Kolkata and Chennai share a few tips about the first aid that can be given to your child during various emergencies, not requiring Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation (CPR.)
To read more SUBSCRIBE to
Parent Circle For the Parent in You!