An introvert’s thesis book.
Instruct-ions
This is not a typical book with index, page numbers, context, acknowledgements, bibliography etc etc. Read it like a story.
Coming 7,120 miles across the globe, away from home to Boston, living here, being away from family and friends and doing everything by myself made me closer to and more aware of who I am as a person and as a designer, both. I started to question and notice things about me that I previously ignored or didn’t pay much attention to or got subdued due to all the friends and family around me.
My child-hood
Ever since I began drawing as a child, paper was one of the first things I was introduced to in art and design. My grandfather was a writer and a poet, so he would keep bundles and bundles of paper with him, which he would give to me to draw. I have made scenery drawings, cartoons, decorated type, posters, birthday invitations, festival cards, thankyou cards etc on those papers. As I grew older, I liked having my own bundles of paper, so I would take a bunch of papers from him, cut them with scissors to the size I wanted, and stapled on one side to make it into a book. I would create books of different sizes, sometimes even shapes. Since childhood, to date, paper and print holds my fascination to the greatest extent, which is why I have always tried to incorporate some form of print medium in the projects I do. The tangibility of the paper in my opinion depicts authenticity, when you hold the paper, the touch and feel of it tells you that the content is real and it exists. It is also more engaging encouraging you to touch, explore, open, close, flip, bring it close, take it far, look at it under light etc. Print creates a personal connection, a familiarity and an association which lingers for a long time.
The influ-ence of structure
Being born in a family of architects- structure, geometry, patterns and contrast has been imbibed into my design aesthetic long before I even knew what aesthetic meant. As a child, I would go to my mother’s architecture studio, sit next to her board and draw on the side of her giant sheet. Soon I began coloring her floor plans and designs, and started engaging more deeply with what I was actually coloring instead of just filling color in a rectangular box. Slowly the dialogue started beginning about how she designed the floor plan, how structure is extremely important to any building and its foundation. Since then, even though I did not study architecture, the structural and geometrical side of me has always been the strongest, not just in design, but in life and in my personality too. I have always had an inclination towards structure, symmetry, simplicity, contrast and minimalism. I am a person who is extremely organised, who likes knowing what is going to happen, who wants some structure and planning in everything I do.
Who I tru-ly am
My love for print along with symmetry/structure flows as an aesthetic into my work unconsciously. In my undergrad design education, all the projects were oriented towards print, all had a very clear symmetry and modern aesthetic touch to it. It was only after coming to Boston, I started to think more, more about why I design the way I do, why I behave the way I do, what do I really like and don’t like and more such deep life thoughts about myself. Over the last 2 years as a graduate student in graphic design, I have tried to figure out and harness this aesthetic more and more by combining it with personal experiences of my surroundings and my being. In the process of realizing and harnessing my aesthetic, I finally came to terms with who I am as a personan introvert.
While grow-ing up
I knew it all along since I was a child that I speak less and that I am a little quiet and that I don’t express emotions as vividly and with as much enthusiasm as others around me did. But it was something that I assumed would fade away as I grow up, that I would get confident in who I was and will be able to speak a lot more, give kickass presentations. That was because in our society, we were told that ‘give her time and she will open up with age’. But that obviously did not happen, since here I am, 24 years old, maybe even quieter than I used to be when I was 12 years old.
Growing up I was always told that I am the quiet one, people asked “Why don’t you talk more?”, my parents got told in teacher-parent meetings that “your daughter is intelligent, but she doesn’t say much in class, she should participate more”, “Mrs. Bhatnagar, tell Shruti to be more confident and speak up more and give more answers and raise her hands” etc etc. Studies point that 3050% of the US population is introverted. So, if almost half the population are introverts, why do we “Quiet ones” grow up thinking there is something wrong with us? That we need to change who we are? That we need to become like the people who often talk? That being quiet is something that you need to grow out of? It is because society tells us that introvert’s way is wrong. Beginning as soon as we can walk and talk, we recieve messages from around us that we should act like extroverts- be chatty, outgoing, fun and social. In school, our grades to some extent depend on our participation in group work and class discussion. At work, we are expected to not only do our job, but to also be good at social networking skills etc. Society says that only lonely people with no friends/social life stay home on a Friday night. But being an introvert, I know that’s simply not true.
What is qu-iet
Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet Quiet
can can can can can can can can
be be be be be be be be
creative expressive powerful. strong. meaningful. confident social everything.
Quiet can be all those things are extroverts are, just in a subtle way. Turning inwards is what we do best- and its where our strength and creativity comes from.
The ultim-ate thesis
Finally being fully aware of everything (not yet confident in being an introvert, but fully aware, yes) I decided to go forward with introverts and introversion as a theme for my thesis. A, it was something very close to my heart, B, I had been hearing a lot in the last 2 years about how I am not social and talkative enough, so I felt that I needed to put out what I felt, in an indirect way ofcourse. I started figuring out what would be the best way to take this forward, what would be the best situation for me as an introvert and other introverts in this world. That got me thinking about how we live in a world that is so favourable to all extroverts and little considerate to those who don’t like talking so much sometimes, how there are more and more opportunities for my dear extroverted friends to harness themselves, and so less for shy little introverts who get tucked away in their homes to feel better.
What I fin-ally did
So I planned to create an introverts ideal world (elements/things/situations/surroundings ideal for an introvert) expressed through several zines, each expressing one ideal element. I came up with a bunch of things that would be ideal in an introvert’s world- studio houses so we don’t have to share a room with people, individual lifts to avoid the awkward small talk, restaurants with individual seatings, clubs with earphones so that you don’t have to dance with a group of people and you listen to your own music alone and still enjoy, communication through messages etc. But decided to stick with what I wanted this thesis to be about, a personal expression of how I feel and have felt, and let people know through various ideas that it is normal if you don’t talk much or speak much or socialize much. So I created the following four things :
1. A banter zine
Inspired by Rabia Kapoor’s poet introvert’s banter video, I created a typographic zine which takes you through my thoughts lashing out at extroverts. It is explicit, in the sense that it does use some abusive language and words, but its equally apologetic at the same time, since being an introvert, I mostly like pleasing people and hate it when someone is upset with me for long. So if the says ‘fuck you’ at some place, it also immediately says ‘im sorry for that really’. There is a mix of printed and hand-written content in the zine to show a constant battle between things I always want to say (printed, loud, bold) and things that get supressed inside (hand-written, small, subtle). The book is losely hand-bound to show metaphorically that one needs patience and time to handle and read through the entire zine, just like one needs lots of time and patience to really get to know an introvert.
2. A Question-naire
The introvert-extrovert, personality questionnaires we have now, obviously focus on highlighting the positive aspects of being one of the two personality types, but in an introvert’s ideal world, we introverts are the best and everyone else should be like us. Once you complete the questionnaire, the intent is to make the extrovert feel like he/she is the odd one out in this world and that there is something wrong with them and that they are the ones who need to change. It highlights all the negative aspects of being an extrovert and how they are always depended on other people, mostly introverts to feel happy. If you’re an introvert, then you are the best person to live in this world, it makes he/she feel that the things they like are normal, things they do are normal, and that they are the superior being in this ideal world.
3. An obssess-ive planner
Introvert’s tend to be obsessive planners and organisers. They like planning their days, events, things to do, life to avoid any possible unforeseen situations to avoid the unexpected stimuli as much as they can. We get startled and conscious when we are faced with a new situation, that too suddenly. Be it a sudden class presentation, a sudden introduction at a meeting, meeting a coworker randomly on the road, meeting an acquaintence in the train or bus. Such situations take us off-gaurd and put us in a spotlight, which we are not good at handling. That’s the reason we try planning as much as we can, so that we know what exactly is going to happen when and with whom. Its life and things don’t go as planned always, but for us introverts, its always good to be prepared in advance. This planner is ideal for an obsessive introvert. It lets you plan your day according to ‘things you must do, things you should do, what to cook for breakfast/lunch/dinner, what to wear today, who to call, who to meet today, things to read, things to watch, money spent on groceries/take-outs/ chocolate/printing/clothes/train etc. It also lets you analyse your day based on your optimism, mood, sarcasm, productivity, friends, luck, timing, hair, eyebrows, skin, clothes. It also lets you figure out the things that wasted your time in each day and the random thoughts you had throughout the day. The zine is binded by ring-binders so you don’t always have to carry the whole week planner, you can carry just the ‘monday’ planner with you around and come back and attach it to the week planner.
4. Letters to extroverts
Communication is one major thing which differentiates introverts from extroverts. Both communicate and express equally, but its not always verbal and vivid for us introverts. We can talk on messages for hours and hours together. Infact we are extroverts when we are talking on messages. That is who we are. We are not very good with face-to-face communications, but excel at expressing our thoughts in writing. Which is the ideal element in an introvert’s world: communicating through letters. These letters, adressed to all extroverts are a collection of personal stories and stories of other people about being an introvert. The stories are about the struggles and issues I have faced as an introvert throughout my life, things my friends have said to me, anecdotes from different situations. These were a way to let all my frustration out and my thoughts out without pointing at certain people. Its intent is to hopefully make the extrovert realise that you make us more uncomfortable in a situation when you explicitly ask us “are you okay why are you not talking?�, even though you might have said out of concern. Its intent is to make the extrovert realise that people who talk more socialise more can happily exist with people who like being at home always. Its intent is to make the extrovert think about all their introverted friends to whom they might have said certain things to. And in the end, its intent is also to make an introvert feel that they are million other introverts who go through similar such situations every single day.
3. The show
Working on thesis on this topic, is by far the most extroverted thing I have done in my life. I was nervous, scared and contemplated every single word a 100 times that I put out in my installation and in the zines, for I din’t want to seem too offensive to anybody. But the response overwhelmed me. In a certain sense I expected people to relate to the topic, but to have a dialogue with people who do, talk to them about their and mine experiences together, made me more and more confident in the things I had put out.