CROSS CULTURAL DATING & MATE SELECTION SEMINAR
The Nairs of 1800s India Mate Selection & Polyandry ___
By Shwetha Jayaraj
Abstract: I will briefly examine the history of mate selection during the pre-British colonial Era of Malabar regarding the Nair class. In this essay I will compare this era with the modern era of mate selection in the UK, and compare both periods to mate selection in the US. Particular detail is explored on Nair women polyandry, the militaristic quality of Nair men, as well as education for all Nair children. Nair women in what is now Kerala, India during the pre-British era upheld vastly different mating selection patterns which starkly contrast from the patriarchal practices that we
have here in America today. On a personal note, I come from a long lineage from these “Malayalis” in the state called Kerala in India, consisting of a caste or sub-group called the Hindu Nairs (or Nayar). Although matrilineal practices may have changed in contemporary times, the modern concept of “marriage” as it is today was not a familiar word to the Nair women back then and there were many long-standing structures in place that had made their matrilineal society withstand and enable a female empowered society for Nair women during the 1800s in Kerala, India. Ultimately, it was the female-centric way that they viewed mate selection that changed the shape of their society as well as the way that the Nairs worked as a community that still affect the societies of Kerala even today. Similarities & Differences between the Nair women of 1800s Malabar & Now The primary differences found between U.S. & U.K. modern mate selection processes of today and the mate selection process back in the 1800s in the state of Kerala, India was the way that they viewed marriage & inheritance. When a woman was ready for marriage she would have the freedom to choose her lover as she pleased with very little social stigma. As stated in the work of Empire of the Nairs “It is the privilege of the Nair lady to choose her lover and change her lover as often as she pleases. .... The Nairs recognize that every pleasure ceases when it becomes a duty; and they maintain that there is no more reason for enacting that a man should love a woman tomorrow because he loves her to-day than there would be in compelling a man to dance at the next ball with his partner at the last.” (Graham). With this concept in mind, a woman in Malabar was free to do essentially whatever she wanted in terms of mate selection. In fact, marriage was not really a concept to the Nair women of Malabar. Furthermore, the Nairs’ matrilineal society was further established with the long-standing tradition of inheritance of material possessions through the mother’s side of the family rather than the father’s side. As stated in Lawrence’s work, “The second distinguishing principle of the Nair system was that of inheritance through the female line. When a woman died, her possessions were divided equally among her children. The possessions of her daughters descended in like manner to their offspring; those of her sons fell at their decease to their sisters' children. The name "father” was unknown to the Nair child. The Empire of the Nairs was a militaristic nation” (Graham). This established a society in which women were especially empowered in their own right in contributing to a flourishing culture of Nairs. However, the most distinguishing difference in the Nair society of the 1800s was the practice of polyandry among women in Kerala. This meant that women were allowed to have multiple husbands without stigma since the child would be raised in the mother’s communal household regardless due to matrilineal practices. It was common to have a tharavad or family home owned by a long lineage on the mother’s side in which communal mothers, uncles, and aunts would all live together in a huge joint-household. Anecdotally, when I myself visited my family’s tharavad i n Kerala, the large house which comfortably fit more than 10-15 people with their own rooms easily was being occupied even today with my distant relatives still maintaining the family house. Although the previous polyandric Nair traditions are no longer being practiced, in the 1800s however, it was common for a child to have multiple mothers, uncles, and grandparents & to be raised in this type of communal setting where familial bond was strong.
There was also very little stigma against the woman if she chose to divorce or leave one of her husbands as stated in one of the original works on polyandry in Malabar (Unni): The procedure involved in divorce was not a strictly formal or standardised one, as was the case with monogamous unions until re- cent years and even today it is rarely so. A husband who is to be divorced would be told by his wife not to visit her house any more. Inspite of this, if he visited her house, an elderly male member would remind him not to persist in it. In rare cases a rejected husband would not withdraw from the scene until the Karnavan commanded him out. Often the wife's consistent dislike for a husband, exhibited in diverse ways, was sufficient for the husband to sever the union. A husband could divorce his wife by the more simple procedure of stopping his visits, and the wife had to regard it as a confirmed case of divorce if she did not receive from him the customary supply of goods due at the next occasion or a few successive occasions. Divorce in all cases was not life-long and there were cases of reunion a few months or some years after divorce. One rarely comes across a reference to polygyny among the Nairs.
Polyandry served several functions for both the communal family as well as the tharavad , or family house, in the 1800s of Kerala. Some of these functions include having positive views of the polyandrous woman and her tharavad which enhanced the prestige of each, particularly when the husbands were men of some individual merit or reputation. To the woman it was also a recognition of her eligibility to have more than one husband in the sense that her beauty or sex appeal had also played a part in attracting more than one husband. Furthermore, a widower could without great difficulty find a wife and thus save himself from the possible disgrace of remaining without a recognized sexual mate (Unni). To the tharavad as a whole, the free and sincere services of more husbands who would be specialists in some occupations would now then also be available. In this category of occupations were “Ayurvedic medicine, childrens' therapy, astrology, curative and preventive magic. Teaching the three Arts as well as Sanskrit, practising and teaching a form of physio-therapy, teaching a form of gymnastics chiefly for self-defence, mastering and giving instructions in Katha- kali (folk drama), training oneself to be well informed on local matters including property deals and money transactions or procedures. In several of these the Nairs often excel although not always necessarily motivated by professional interest for profit” (Unni). Though the dating practices between communities differed greatly as stated, some common themes between mate selection still occur in both the cultures of today as well as in Nair society. For instance, men were still seen as physically more capable & were the force that were most involved with military aspects. The focus on Nair warriors is outlined in Graham’s work: A trumpet flourish called them to the banquet, for (says Lawrence) "nothing is so dear to the Nairs as the customs of their fore-uncles in the days of chivalry." In the general conversation at the table, the Samorin and the nobles were shocked to learn that in England the King's own children inherited the crown and titles. "Perhaps cocks lay eggs in your country?" they asked. Again, as he told them of English customs, they inquired-"Are ye a Mahometan?" This was a significant question, for the Nairs were represented as always at war with the Mohammedans, because of the latters' enslavement of women. De Grey
begged his hosts not to be disgusted with the English for their treatment of women. "Rather pity us," he said, "as victims of our own prejudices. Our religion, or rather our jurisprudence, cruel as the Mahometan, though less partial in its barbarity, tyrannizes equally over both sexes. The birds of the air and the beasts of the field may change their mates; to man alone, the lord of creation, is denied this liberty...In the long galleries of the Castle, under the name of each royal mother were the names and number of her children; under the name of every prince, the number of his victories in the field. Many pictures hung on the walls, illustrative of national triumphs over slavery and oppression."
This kind of split between sexes is still found today in the U.S. & Indian army as it is primarily men that still occupy the majority of national defense positions. The Nair society was one of the first societies in India to provide for education for both men and women which is parallel to the education system seen across the world today. Back then however, this kind of practice was uncommon, marking Malabar’s progressive stance on education in the 19th century for equal schooling for both sexes. The Social & Technological Factors leading to Polyandry in Kerala There were several types of social factors that encouraged this kind of mate selection pattern among the Nair groups in Kerala during that time. For instance, the Nairs were a characterically a militaristic group of people. With this kind of mate selection pattern, when the call to arms came, men could spring into battle unhindered by "children in the path of glory." Thus the armies of the Nairs were ever invincible. As stated in the Graham’s work: Even the Samorin and other princes had no heirs other than their sisters' children, so that, having no family ties, they followed their uncles into battle without hesitation. The one interest of men was warfare, just as the sole ambition of women was motherhood. Education in this ideal state was taken care of by the women, all of whom were educated to such an extent that they might superintend the training of the children. "There are many things a woman need not study," says Lawrence, "but there is nothing she should be hindered from knowing." Education was given equally to the nairs back then to both boys and girls.
This meant that the men needed to focus on defending the land and winning battles in combat & war. This kind of dynamic that existed between men and women allowed for the further empowerment & equality of both sexes in this society. The existence of the caste system, although thankfully no longer in place today as it also came with several disadvantages that widened class inequality, further allowed this kind of practice to be upheld during that time. The Nairs were seen as the warrior class and categorized below the Nambudiri Brahmins, a higher class. This polyandrous system allowed for intercaste marriage to occur in order to form alliances with the higher-caste Nambudiri Brahmins as well as to keep the population of Nairs growing in the restrictive caste system environment. This was explained in K. Raman Unni’s work as he stated: “ To the sub-castes which received husbands from a higher sub-caste or caste, polyandry was an adjustment to the situation of excess of males over females available... Furthermore, to the extent polyandry was a consequence of accepting Nambutiri husbands it also created a channel for the slow transfer of the private property of Nambutirťs younger brothers into the pos- session of Nair women. Apart from
jewellery and other articles there were several cases of Nair wives who received waste lands and paddy fields on kanam tenure from Nambutiri husbands. Any Nam- butiri husband would do so with the consent of his eldest brother and for Nambutiri families which were usually very wealthy, giving for the sake of a younger brother would not amount to more than a negligible drain. A sterile but otherwise desirable husband would not have to be divorced by a woman to ensure the possibility of getting children. A tharavad with a polyandruous woman could thus have a more remote chance of becoming extinct or facing the necessity of adopt- ing a child. In the early part of this century there were tharavads which adopted girls through fear of extinction.
It was also stated in Unni’s work that “A woman's desire for extra marital sex gratification would not have to be suppressed or would not lead to liaison with the men of lower sub-castes serving in her tharavad in various capacities with whom she would have more opportunity of contact and freedom of speech. In this sense it kept up the prestige of the tharavad without the strain of the women going astray.” (Unni). As shown, the Nairs were seen as not only warriors but also as the large group of middle class at the time and the need to sustain this class was necessary in order to ensure that the Nairs would stay stable as well as powerful. The technological advances that helped propagate this kind of mate selection process was largely correlated to the militaristic advances as well as the educational practices that the Nairs of Malabar incorporated into their society.Without the school structure that educated both girls and boys, the Nairs of Malabar would not be well-equipped to flourish in tough Kerala lands in India at the time. Furthermore the technological knowledge that was provided for both sexes were important in providing a well-educated society of Nairs which has lasted generations & even today Kerala is known for being ranked at #1 out of all states in India with the highest literacy rates as well as the highest demographic of people for those that go on to complete their education despite its small size (Singh). Boys and girls in Malabar were educated together in public schools of the sort proposed by Mary Wollstonecraft in the Edinburgh Review of 1810 as noted in Graham’s text: “'Lawrence noted that such education would be im- possible in England at that time (1811) because of the prevailing ideas of chastity” (Graham). However, the work of the standard Nair at the time included primarily agriculture & hunting which led people from other nations to believe that the nation of Nairs in Malabar led a rural and primitive way of life. The “modern” way of social structure at the time was following a patriarchal system and with the women in 1800s Kerala defying this, this kind of tradition was often unconsidered by other Indian states at the time as well. As we have seen through the study of U.S. social movements throughout history, it seems that the western narrative on what may have been modern or primitive may not have been necessarily or absolutely right all the time. In modern day India and indeed in post-British colonial India, this practice in India of Kerala’s matrilineal houses is now considered very rare and old-fashioned. In conclusion, the mate selection practices found in sub-culture of 1800s Malabar, India particularly among the Nair sect is well-worth looking into due to the dramatically different yet relatively progressive methods the people at the time followed compared to the U.S. dating practices of today. With the establishment of a powerful matrilineal system leading to nurturing
environments, the equal education of boys & girls in youth, and the lack of stigma in a polyandrous society among women, the Malabar Nair culture proved to be an empire in India that was seemingly well-ahead of its time.
Sources used:
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Unni, K. R. (1958). Polyandry in Malabar. Sociological Bulletin, 7( 2), 123–133. Retrieved from www.jstor.org/stable/42864537