Politics, opinions and learning to listen

A MILLENNIAL’S POV

By Kimberly Elliot

Kimberly Elliot is an associate with a Toronto-based marketing agency

There are lot of things I wish I were better at – long distance running, baking, compartmentalizing and keeping an orchid alive are all top of mind. But the most important thing I have worked tirelessly to get better at through adulthood is disagreeing with people. Disagreeing with people can be really, really hard for me and I have accepted that maintaining grace and composure through a heated disagreement is likely to be a lifelong battle.

This is especially true in the case of politics. When the topic comes up among friends or family, my husband sometimes gives me a look. The kind of look Hubbell would give to Katie in The Way We Were – a look that, depending on the specifics, says, ”Can we please just keep it light?” or ”Try not to bite anyone’s head off.” Yes, I can be a bit impassioned, aggressive even, in expressing my views. I’m working on it – and part of working on it has meant an attempt at deprogramming my left of left-leaning values and trying to act as my own devil’s advocate. Turns out, that’s easier said than done.

I was a pretty politically astute kid, that is, in the two-dimensional way a child interprets the political discourse around them.

I grew up in a household where political discussion was constantly on tap. I was a pretty politically astute kid, that is, in the two-dimensional way a child interprets the political discourse around them. I quickly learned that anything left of centre is generally good, Conservatives are bad. Bob Rae:good. Ernie Eves: bad. Mike Harris: poison. Pierre Trudeau: national treasure.

PROGRAMMED IN A SCHOOL OF THOUGHT

Although I now try to see things in full context asan adult, viewing the political conversation through an adolescent’s lens is to be programmed and indoctrinated in a particular school of thought. Birds of a feather flock together – and I have flocked to people with leftist views and formed relationships with those whose political and social values are similar to my own, as one does in adulthood. But the ultra-polarized and politically charged times we are currently living in have me thinking that comfort and complacency in my values are a part of the partisan problem.

There’s only bad news to follow. Yes, complacency in one’s views is definitely part of the problem and what’s worse, there is no deprogramming. At least, this is true in my case. I can read all the conservative-leaning analysis and rhetoric, criticisms of the left, I can watch the provincial legislature and question period on Capitol Hill to hear both sides out. None of that matters because the moment any of the Conservative characters step up to say their part, my brain shuts down.

We attach our political views to our personality in such a way that our response to opposition is emotional and feels like a fundamental attack.

I actively rebuke what they say as they are saying it. I roll my eyes as they politic and have some snide remark ready by the end of their sentence. Even when I may identify with a particular anecdote or policy, I remind myself they are the party that, at their 2021 convention, debated the existence of climate change. These are involuntary responses that I swear I have no control over. This is how my brain seems to operate and I know, it’s problematic.

BIOLOGICALLY PRONE TO FRICTION

However, it turns out that we are biologically prone to political friction, and our inability to reasonably disagree on the topic is molecular. A 2016 study by the University of Southern California published in the journal Scientific Reports found that when our political beliefs are challenged or attacked, the”default network” of our brain is activated. This is the same area of the brain that, as far as we know, is responsible for internal processes such as memory retrieval, thinking about the future and our own personalities. With this area activated, brain scans of study participants showed that the brain’s response was emotional, as if it were under attack. The brain subsequently ”shuts down” as though it were under threat. In this event, we are unable to accept reasonable information in opposition of our views.We attach our political views to our personality in such a way that our response to opposition is emotional and feels like a fundamental attack; these views are literally entrenched. (You can read more about the study here: https://www.zmescience.com/ science/political-talks-fail/)

I don’t have to understand it, nor do I have to like it. But listening is the absolute least I can do, and expect in return.

Knowing that it’s not me, it’s my brain, gives some small measure of comfort, but it won’t hold up as defence for bad behaviour in conversation. Equipped with this new information, I feel a heightened sense of responsibility to intervene before my brain has the chance to shut down – a task that seems insurmountable, but I’m up for it.

Completely deprogramming may be out of the question, but listening is not. And I think that’s a reasonable goal to set for myself: to simply listen and hear the other side out (within reason). I don’t have to understand it, nor do I have to like it. But listening is the absolute least I can do, and expect in return. Look at me, evolving (gradually).