Not everyone knows this...

By John Chaput

born and raised in Montreal, eventually morphed into a Westerner. A retired writer and editor, he occupies much of his time as president of Regina Little Theatre.

APRIL 24, 1184 BCE

According to tradition, it is on this date that theGreek army enters the besieged city of Troy bymeans of the Trojan Horse. Not everyone knows this,but the Trojan Horse is one of the first successfulexperiments in physical distancing. Instead of tryingto send their whole army inside the city gates, theGreeks dispatched a small number, about 40 men.Once they emerged from their confinement, theymoved about, deduced they were OK, and invited therest of their guys to join the party.(The author of Not Everyone Knows This haspersonally procured sponsorship for portions of thisarticle. Those who wish to advertise elsewhere inSideOne should contact the Publisher. See Page 2.)(This instalment is sponsored by ConfineMint, thenew chewing gum made especially for people stuckindoors by themselves.)

APRIL 19, 1904

Toronto Fire Chief John Thompson and MayorTom Urquhart watch their city go up in flames andruminate on a conversation they had a few daysearlier. Thompson, seeking an increased budgetfor the fire department, had told the Mayor, “Weare taking more risk every year. We are running onwonderful luck.” To which Urquhart replied, after thecity’s controllers rejected the plea, “Oh, I guess we’llhave to risk it another year.” On April 19, fire brokeout at a factory on Wellington Street West, near whatis now TD Bank Tower, and the Great Fire of Torontowould destroy about 100 downtown buildings. Noteveryone knew this, but the city had only five fireengines and was saved from worse catastrophe byrapid responses from Buffalo, Hamilton, Brantford,Peterborough and other municipalities. (Broughtto you by Eau De Humanity, THE cologne for massdisasters. Eau De Humanity ... it’s not just forexploding zeppelins anymore.)

APRIL 9, 1917

Boris Michel Soso is born in Goldfield, Nevada. Hewill grow up to become an actor and take the stagename of Brad Dexter. Not everyone knows this, butBrad Dexter was in The Magnificent Seven, and youcan prove that not everybody knows this by askinganyone to name the actors in that movie’s title roles.The typical answer is “Yul Brynner-Steve McQueen-Charles Bronson-James Coburn-Robert Vaughn ... uh,Horst Bucholz ... and ... mmmph ...” Dexter himselfonce stated, “I’m the one from The Magnificent Sevennobody remembers.” Dexter was also married brieflyto Peggy Lee, a confidant of Marilyn Monroe, and aclose friend of Frank Sinatra until he told Old BlueEyes that marrying Mia Farrow was a bad idea. Nowthat you know that, maybe you’ll remember him.(Brought to you by Paws for Reflection, specializingin floor-level mirrors for your cat or dog.)

APRIL 5, 1943

Poon Lim, history’s most resilient castaway, isrescued after spending 133 days adrift in the AtlanticOcean. Lim, a Chinese man working as a steward on aBritish merchant vessel, jumped overboard after theship was torpedoed by a German U-boat and climbedaboard one of the emergency rafts that served aslifeboats. Not everyone knows this (even though it’sactually true), but when the raft’s rations ran low,Lim ate birds and used their remnants to bait fish.Once, he caught a small shark and, after yanking itaboard, beat it to death with a half-filled jug. That isa lesson we can all learn from in these exceptionaltimes: If you’re about to spend, say, 19 weeks withnothing special to do, keep a half-filled jug handy.You never know when you’ll have to pummel a shark.(Brought to you by High Off the Hog, your one-stopoutlet for cannabis-infused pork products.)

APRIL 13, 1945

Sgt. Leo Major, a native of Montreal, and a fellowCanadian corporal are reconnoitering the outskirtsof Zwolle, The Netherlands, when two Germansoldiers spot them and open fire, killing the corporal.Major kills them back, finds a German officer whospeaks French, persuades him that the Canadianarmy will shell their position the next morning andthat evacuating would be a good idea. Major thendashes through the streets, surprises a succession ofGerman patrols of eight to 10 men, and escorts themto the Canadian position outside Zwolle – more than50 prisoners in all. By morning, the Germans haveabandoned the city and Major has singlehandedlyliberated Zwolle. On another occasion in Holland,Major – who had lost an eye to a grenade shortlyafter D-Day yet returned to action – captured 93German prisoners by himself. Perhaps the mostastonishing thing about this Canadian tale of valouris that not everyone knows this.

APRIL 4, 1964

Beatlemania rockets to its American peak whenBillboard magazine releases its weekly Hot 100 chartand The Beatles monopolize the top five spots,a dominance that still remains unmatched. Noteveryone knows this, but Paul McCartney (still deadyet very active) and Ringo Starr (still ubercool) areabout to re-release those five songs with updatesfor today’s market: Can’t Buy Me Love (Until I GetMy Relief Cheque From the Government), Twist andShout (At the Person Who Won’t Keep His Distance),She Loves You (But Won’t Visit Until the Pandemic’sOver), I Want To Hold Your Hand (After You’veWashed It For 20 Seconds), and Please Please Me (ByChecking the Expiration Dates On Those Soup Cans).(Brought to you by MaskerRaid, the new facialcovering that hides your identity, restricts the spreadof viruses AND repels mosquitoes.)