NOT EVERYONE KNOWS THIS…

By John Chaput

John Chaput, born and raised in Montreal, eventually morphed into a Westerner. A retired writer and editor. he occupies much of his time as president of the Regina Little Theatre.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY KATE JOHANSEN

MAY 18, 1152

Eleanor of Aquitaine marries King Henry II of England, thus setting in motion a most spirited and protracted marital quarrel between two of the most headstrong people of the Middle Ages. Their 37-year love/hate relationship is magnificently portrayed in the 1968 movie The Lion in Winter, wherein Henry keeps Eleanor under house arrest in the company of their three children and Henry’s mistress. Their offspring include the future King Richard the Lionheart and King John I, whose rule would be marked by a rebellion of the nobility that produced the Magna Carta. Not everyone knows this, but many women identify with the character Eleanor (played by Katherine Hepburn), especially in these times, when she sarcastically observes, “I’m locked up with my sons. What mother doesn’t dream of that?” (This first portion of Not Everyone Knows This is sponsored by Hooked on a Ceiling, the most trusted name in professional chandelier installation.)

MAY 17, 1692

John Roberts, who would change his first name to Bartholomew, is born in Little Newcastle, England, and is destined to become the most prolific, daring and feared pirate in history. Not everyone who watched The Princess Bride knows this, but there really was a “Dread Pirate Roberts,” and he was the inspiration for the movie character. In fact, he even drew up an 11-article Pirate Code, which was a real thing (and not everyone who watched Pirates of the Caribbean knows that). Bartholomew Roberts had a benevolent side as a ship’s captain but also a ruthless streak that left dozens upon dozens of dead men in his wake. So, when Fezzik bellows, “The Dwed Piwut Wobuhts has come for yoh SOOOOOOULS,” the guards are running away as much from fear of Roberts’ reputation as from the sight of an oncoming, burning, thoroughly soused colossus. Now you know. (Brought to you by Hell Toupee wig liquidators.)

MAY 5, 1862

Mexican forces defending their home turf defeat the French army in the First Battle of Puebla and set off what would become Mexico’s annual national festival. Not everyone knows this, but the Mexicans, despite being considerably outnumbered and illequipped, prevailed under the inspired leadership of General Ignacio Zaragosa and enjoyed a tremendous boost in morale in the midst of the French-Mexican War. So, celebrate Cinco de Mayo by popping open a Corona (the beer, not the virus) if you’re so inclined, but bear in mind: Within a year, Zaragosa was dead, the reinforced French won the rematch in the Second Battle of Puebla and overran Mexico City. Moral: If you celebrate winning the battles while the war is still on, karma will bite you in the butt. Keep that in mind during your next pandemic lockdown. (A message from Takeout to the Limit, the only food delivery service that uses Eagles to bring dinner to your door.)

MAY 25, 1939

Sir Ian McKellen is born in Burnley, England and sets upon a thespian path. Not everyone knows this, but McKellen’s middle name is Murray, and we thank him and/or his parents for going with “Ian,” because “Murray McKellen” just doesn’t have that touch of gravitas you’d expect from a Richard III, Gandalf, or even Magneto. Gandalf’s most iconic moment in the Lord of the Rings trilogy comes when he vanquishes the Balrog, steadfastly insisting “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” Not everyone knows this, either, but when you’re in a public place during a pandemic, and some aggressive maskless person is bearing down on you, you are entitled to strike the ground with your staff and propel him into a pit several miles deep. Just try not to plummet down with him. (Brought to you by Low Commotion, the app that simulates general workplace hubbub, specially designed for those who have felt awkward working from home.)

MAY 29, 1953

Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay become the first people to stand atop Mount Everest, the highest point on Earth at 8,848 metres. Hillary, a 33-year-old New Zealander, and Norgay, a 39-year-old Nepalese Sherpa, are part of a 400-man team that includes 20 Sherpa guides and a handful of professional mountaineers. Hillary and Norgay make their final ascent only after another tandem had failed to conquer the final thousand metres a few days earlier. The successful duo remain at the summit for 15 minutes and during descent make a pact not to reveal which of them first reached the top, but Norgay will eventually disclose in an autobiography that it was Hillary. Not everyone knows this, but Norgay didn’t know his precise date of birth, only that the weather and state of the crops suggested late May. After conquering Everest, Norgay decided thereafter to celebrate his birth on May 29. If anyone ever earned the right to pick his own birthday, he did.

MAY 13, 2013

Chris Hadfield – the coolest guy in Canada, without a doubt – returns to Earth after spending nearly six months, the last two as commander, aboard the International Space Station. Hadfield serves as an example for adapting to exceptional circumstances and maintaining a positive attitude. Look, most of us have been at least semi-isolated for the past year; how many David Bowie songs have you learned? Anyway, that experience of spending long periods of time in close quarters with a small number of people has served him in good stead as he waits out the pandemic in his Ontario home with Helene, his wife of 39 years, their daughter-in-law and a five-year-old granddaughter. Not everyone knows this, but he ain’t commander of anything in that locale ... (Nothing to do at the end of the day? Visit Shoot the Moon, the pistol range that’s open all night.)