INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS

More complicated than they need be – even today

By Sonia Huggins

Sonia Huggins is an educator who recently gave up her distinguished career as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic. She is a regular contributor to SideOne.

In those years, interracial dating was not new but it was not common.

The first time he brought me home, his father was delighted and let me know it. His mother was a kind and gentle woman who embraced me like I was one of her daughters. I was thrilled. Family acceptance was and is an important key to successful interracial relationships. His sisters never wavered in their affection for me throughout our two-year courtship. His father and mother were extremely proud that their son’s girlfriend was Black and always treated me like one of their family.

Their values screamed equality and justice and this was demonstrated in so many ways, like when I was invited by his parents to attend their 25th anniversary party. After some discussion with his parents, all my fears were put to rest. They were confident that their friends and family would readily accept me. I would not be made to feel uncomfortable due to the colour of my skin but be judged on the content of my character!

In those years, interracial dating was not new but it was not common.

DATING OUTSIDE YOUR CULTURE

My family, Jamaican immigrants who lived in both England and Canada, were comfortable with the idea of me and my sister dating outside of our culture. So, I was never afraid of their reactions to a non-black boyfriend.

In fact, back in the ‘60s when I was young and before we immigrated to Montreal, my sister and I were the flower girls at our auntie’s wedding when she married a Welshman. There was disapproval from certain family members that she had married a white man, but my parents were a beacon of light, even back then – not only by accepting this Welshman into the family, but by displaying a completely nonjudgmental attitude. Again, family acceptance played a role in this successful interracial relationship.

Having seen this scenario play out a few times in my own family with other uncles and aunts, I thought I was ready for what came next … an Asian boyfriend. I was in my early twenties when I met him. His parents were wonderful and incredibly accepting of us. And based on the experience of their other sons and their relationships, this relationship would not appear to be a problem, until…

THE LOOKS

I began to notice the looks people gave us when we were together on the street or the underhanded comments that slipped from their mouths as we boarded a bus or the Metro. Comments from complete strangers were so stereotypical, it made us cringe. It became imperative to grow a tough skin and ignore the vile racist speech. Living downtown, it was hard to escape this racial negativity unless it was just the two of us, alone with no one around.

As parents, we recognized that we would have to guide and encourage them as they encountered negative comments about their relationship just because it was interracial.

Those days were hard. I was now more aware of racism and it just simply hurt.

When my sister decided to marry, she chose what would be the most extraordinary man. He chased her from Mexico to Ottawa and finally asked for her hand in marriage with the approval of the entire family! Luckily, my sister said yes and 20 years later they are still very much in love. He is white and a French Canadian who was born and bred in Northern Quebec, where they created a family and live to this day.

FREEDOM OF CHOICE

All through my life, I have met interracial couples who have been together for one simple fact …love. So when it came to raising my own children, I made sure to provide a safe place so that whatever choices they made they would feel secure, loved and above all free to choose whom they loved.

I stipulated that any person they were interested in would have to meet the rigorous standards of our family – kindness, family first, be protective, selfless, of strong character and most of all love you to pieces. If the man or woman came in a different colour it was of no consequence to me as long as our family values were upheld and love would always be the common denominator.

My firstborn daughter just got married to a man who espoused all the values we expected from him. As parents it’s so rewarding to know that we had a say! He is kind and gentle and loves our girl fiercely and she loves him. We are so proud to welcome him into our family and yes, he is white.

While we both loved him at first sight, we were cognizant of the challenges, a.k.a. racism, that would confront this young couple as they navigated the world together. As parents, we recognized that we would have to guide and encourage them as they encountered negative comments about their relationship just because it was interracial.

Even in these raciallly turbulent times, folks can be ignorant and cruel. However, we must all wake up to the fact that what makes us different is inconsequential to what makes us the same. The overwhelming truth is that love is the light that guides our way.