SILVIA No. 1 by SILVIA magazine

S I L V I A NO.1

SILVIA

c o n t e n t s

EDITOR’S LETTER

JOE CURTIN MESITA

IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

editor’s letter For the few, few people who were even aware of this upcoming (well, now published) magazine, you’re probably thinking what I’m thinking, which is, “Finally.” Or not. Anyway, I did take my time working on this due to a few things: looking for more content, having to work alone, and just being anxious. I’m not so sure how well I ended up doing with content as far as how much I accumulated for this issue, but what this issue lacks in quantity it makes up for in quality of the work of each contributor. They are all pretty awesome. Also, having to put everything together by myself (for the most part) made production relatively less efficient. Lastly, nearing the final touches of this first issue, I just had been feeling apprehensive, which I usually do when having to share anything I create. There’s always the sense that you could do something better—should do something better—but what? and how? This could entail changing the font of an article title, using bigger words, getting higher grades, taking better photographs, or loving someone better. (I don’t even know where that last one came from, but I’m sure it could apply). And sometimes, more than anyone else the person that expects all this from you is yourself, and how do you escape that? I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I’m just gonna go grab a fudge popsicle to battle today’s excruciatingly hot California weather. I hope you enjoy the rest of this publication, regardless of the fact that I already managed to ruin the Editor’s Note.

BLANCHE MINOZA EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

J OE CUR T IN 3

LA’s—soon to be Boston’s–Joe Curtin perpetuates the beauty of nature and youth through his photographs—still moments that exhibit the vivacity of life. BY BLANCHE MINOZA When did you start becoming interested in photography? “I started becoming interested in photography around 2009 when I was going into freshman year of high school. I picked up a Nikon D40 I had gotten and started shooting, and eventually fished out my mom's old Minolta 35mm film camera, and it all went from there.” You have to throw away all your cameras but one. Which would be the exception? “I would definitely keep my Canon AE-1. It's literally the greatest and most versatile 35mm film camera I've ever used.” What is your biggest source of inspiration? “My biggest source of inspiration in general is nature, which

sounds weird since I'm from Los Angeles, haha. But people underestimate the beauty that is available in this city. My friends and I hike often, go to the beach, drive down PCH at sunset, explore deep into the canyons in Malibu, dive into rock pools, sled down huge sand dunes, sit on our balconies and watch the sunset, and more. Los Angeles offers so much beauty and nature, and whenever I'm surrounded by nature, I just never want to stop taking photos.” Do you have a favorite memory caught on camera? “It's definitely not the best photo I've ever taken, but this photo (right) really stands out to me. I just remember that day and that moment so well: running through a field with my friends on a hill over-

looking the ocean near Santa Barbara and just feeling so alive.” You have recently just graduated from high school. Do you feel any different? “It hasn't hit me yet. I still feel like the same me. I think it will really come as a shock when I leave at the end of the summer and move to Boston, where I will be attending college. I will miss all of my friends and family a lot.” What are you looking forward to the most in your future? “I'm truly looking forward to traveling. I'm hoping to study some combination of international relations, film and/or photography, and Spanish in college. I want to study abroad in Argentina, and then after graduation travel to

Spanish-speaking countries around the world and photograph, film, learn, eat, and just explore what their cultures have to offer.” What is the most valuable piece of insight you have gained throughout your life so far? “The most valuable piece of insight I have gained through my life thus far is something my Grandpa used to tell me every time we talked on the phone before saying goodbye. He would always say, "Just keep breathing." It sounds silly, but he passed away in February after battling cancer, and I think the only reason he lived for as long as he did (91 years!) is because he just kept breathing and didn't let any negative thoughts or energy get in his way. You just gotta take a deep breath and keep on keepin' on.” 

KEQIRA The man behind the music, James Cooley, answers questions about moving, movies, and his songs.

INTERVIEWED BY BLANCHE MINOZA. PHOTOGRAPHS PROVIDED BY JAMES COOLEY.

You released your first album five years ago. How have you changed since then and throughout your twenties? “I like to think I changed for the better. I’ve gotten older, there’s that. Hopefully a little more mature, more confident. More bitter, even a bit of an asshole. A bit more honest and upfront, much more outgoing. I was a kid banging on pans in his basement, and now I’m more of an adult silent and staring forward on the train. Now I have much more to learn, much more to experience, and I’m enjoying the ride.” Who/what inspired you to create your own music? Do you try to keep it within a certain style/sound? I’m not sure . . . It’s just always seemed like what I needed to do. Definitely inspired by old video games on the NES. Those old chip tunes sounded so great. Exploring new territory is so thrilling, though—to try out a new style you know nothing about, might end up being terrible at, but keep on with it and suddenly find yourself somewhere new, somewhere unexpected.”

Has your style and any aspect of your approach to production changed since the beginning of your career? “So the production approach has changed with it as it’s gone along. I used to be surrounded by all sorts of cheap, used microphones and toy instruments, and now it’s completely different from that—pretty much using a laptop, a guitar, and a microphone. And that won’t be the way I make it in a few years either. I still haven’t ventured into an actual studio, and I know I could do some cool stuff there if given the chance. The dream’s to have access to real sweeping strings one of these days...” I read that you taught yourself every instrument you know how to play. Which was the most difficult to learn? How often do you incorporate it into your songs? “The most difficult instrument was the guitar, the first one I learned and the only one I had help with. Back in early elementary school, my dad would try to show me how to play chords, but for the longest time I’d lay the guitar flat on my lap and play it with my thumb. I finally buckled down and started trying to learn the basics and how to form chords, but that took a long time to get a hang of. I was in high school by the time I really tried to branch out to playing blues and lead stuff. And then when I got the basics of that, I messed around some more, tried different tunings, got really into fingerpicking. Guitar is almost always a part of my music, so much that on this last release I did, the XYXY EP, I pretty much stayed away from it completely. It’s been my goto instrument for so long, it got to the point of getting stale. I needed to take a step back from it. Now I’ve reached somewhere new, where it can be brought back in, incorporated into the new kind of sounds that were found in its absence.”

honest, with the right tone to it. It would be so great to have a chance to be a part of something like that: a film that showcases a bit of what I and other people I’ve known have personally been through. Feels like a film like that would really hit pretty hard for people right now, have such a great love story for those open to the idea of it, pretty powerful themes, real struggles happening right now today. That’s the kind of movie I want to see right now.” How would the music progress as the plot develops? “Sound-wise, it’d probably be a mix of some dreamy guitar stuff and those sweeping symphonic strings. Whatever the film feels like, I’d try to support that tone.” Describe the best day of your life, whether it has or hasn’t already happened. “I have no idea on that one. I’m sure it would involve coffee, friends, blue skies, a gorgeous view, and good music. Maybe with the ability to share it with someone special, too.” You’ve recently moved about a thousand miles, from Colorado to Illinois. What spurred this decision? Do you feel like you’re leaving anything behind? What are you looking forward to gaining? “At this point, moving seems

If you had to produce a complete soundtrack for a major motion picture, what would you hope the film would be about? “Hmm . . . I’m not sure. Maybe some really welldone queer romantic film, one that feels natural and

to be the only constant I got. I came out the closet and dropped out of college back in late 2009. Since then, I moved to Seattle, Brooklyn, and Austin. I moved back to Colorado but missed being a part of a big city. I already did the New York thing, it was time for something new. That city is great, but it was old hat for me. And I love Denver, my home, but Chicago seemed new and exciting, an unknown place in the middle of America that I’d never really explored. I absolutely love it here so far, everything about it. The people here are so warm and personable, and everything moves at just the right pace. But things get left behind when you move. I have good friends back home I wish to bring along everywhere I go, but we all have our own trail to take, and I gotta walk my own, knowing that

we’ll have plenty of time in the future to meet again and catch up. I like exploring, and just hope to maintain the ability to do so while searching for a place to settle down for a bit. Chicago is really feeling right for the moment, and maybe I’ll end up settling here for a bit longer this time, until it feels right to lily pad hop to another city.”

“We all have our own trail to take, and I gotta walk my own.”

What would you say is your best quality? “I adapt to whatever I’m given, work with what’s in front of me. That’s with everything, socially, musically, financially . . . Bouncing around from place to place, you gotta be able to roll with the punches. Although it’s weird to think about how easily my entire life can fit into a suitcase.” 

IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER BY ELYSE WANG

“Andy, who is that?” whispered an elderly woman to her husband as I walked past an open door. I stopped and stared into the room as an equally elderly man patted the woman’s hand comfortingly. “Why, Evie, that’s your granddaughter!” he whispered, his gentle voice tinged with sadness. She looked at me, and unable to hold her stare I resumed my walk down the hallway of my house. My brother and I were getting ready to celebrate our 11th birthday and my grandparents had flown all the way across the country to be with us on this occasion. Such an extravagant gesture for an aging couple, and for a birthday that didn’t have much cultural significance, but my soon-to-be 11 year old brain didn’t catch the subtleties of this situation; I was too young, and too excited that I actually had the undivided attention of two adults. This is the last memory I have of my grandma before she was irreversibly changed by the Alzheimer's disease. From 11 years old onward my memories are of a new woman, one lost in past, trapped by the cobwebs spun from half-remembrances until those too were swept from her mind. A woman, who’s beauty in both mind and body echoed in my mother’s, is still unknown to me. I have poured over pictures of her, and asked my mom and her siblings what she was like before the disease, all in an attempt to capture a snapshot that I can hold with me. So when people ask me “What’s your grandma like?” I can have something of equal value and weight to share as they do. That all said, even though it has been painful to watch a family member essentially fade away, I do not feel the sense of loss that those closest to her experience.

I can see it in my grandfather’s eyes when he sits by her wheelchair in the nursing home, as he calls her name, letting her know that her husband is there. That look of fear, of anxiety, that she will not turn her head and smile at him. She cannot walk, talk, or move, but she can still smile, a brilliant, childish smile that prompts a genuine smile in return. My grandpa lives for that smile for it fuels his hope that she will remember him until death they do part. In this situation, one sees that vow carried out, one sees an extraordinary act of love, one sees strength that few ever even know that they possess. Grandpa Q. is with her everyday, even if all he can do is sit next to her and hold her hand while she sleeps. How can one soldier through the pain of watching their loved one go through this disease? One is losing not only the person, but also the memories that exist between them. The memories that exist because there was a “them”, and that will slowly lose their intimacy as they come to be possessed by only one half of the whole. I can see it in my mother’s eyes, and the eyes of her siblings when they immerse themselves in retelling of family meals and outings, all of them beginning the sentences with “Do you remember how” or “Do you remember when?”. The quick joy of reminiscing melts into small, sad smiles, and gazes that are a million miles away in another time. Despite the pain, they carry on and are called brave by outsiders who cannot, nor wish to, understand what they go through. I can see it in my cousin’s eyes, in my brother’s, I can feel it in mine, a confusion of how to act, how to express a love we do in fact feel. There is an air of uncertainty about all of this “love” business. How do we show the love when we have no shared memories to talk about? I am too young to remember the times when my grandmother was there to constantly take care of me, and now she has no more recollection of the events than I. The most I can do is sit, and smile with her, and hope (oh hope, the smallest and yet greatest of emotions), that deep down she recognizes the little child she used to cook meatballs with; a little child who can now appreciate the fortitude of all those around her and has the power to show others just how much courage they truly possess. Do you recognize it? Can you see it in their eyes? 

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