DATE NIGHT

The TV stars do it, Instagram influencers do it, so why don’t you do it, or me for that matter? Dating is ‘de rigueur’! Okay okay, I hear you! Childcare is expensive, you are just too busy and therefore it’s easier not to, isn’t it? Going out or away together can also be just too expensive but here’s the thing, it’s really important to spend quality time with your partner, especially when you have children at home to take care of and/or demanding careers. You both need to remember why you came together in the first place. One year or 40 years together, to keep going, you have to keep building on that relationship. You get out what you put in and that’s the truth.

Dating may take some planning, saving, a few favours owed by friends and a little sacrifice, but ‘DATING’ your other half allows you both the time to focus on your special connection together. It allows that early relationship erotic spark to be re-explored by the intentional pursuit of romance. Dating gives you time away from the humdrum of life to communicate, without the interruptions of your collective home and/or work life. Date nights are officially recommended both for a healthy sex life and for developing a long-lasting, strong relationship beyond those first, hormone-filled years. When you have a house full of tiny kids or even worse, teenage monsters, you can lose each other, just a bit more every day, simply because the role you each play barely includes either of you. Exhausted ships that pass each other in the night, you’ll recognise the symptoms, apathy, arguments, zero libido, shabby underwear and very hairy legs!

It’s not intentional, of course not, but it happens because you are busy being Mum and Dad and you just don’t put yourself or your relationship first, and that’s never a good thing. You are tired and the thought of dressing up and playing the love game is the last thing on your mind, but schedule those dates in anyway. I promise you wont regret or forget it. Be creative! Don’t just go to your favourite pizza place and be back in bed by 9pm, we’ve all done that! Try couple massages, cooking courses, wine tasting and attempt to think outside the box. Give each other the chance to book a date night their way, get to know each other again. We change and grow as individuals, within a partnership and just like anything in life, the more we don’t do together, the further away from each other we can get.

“Get busy watering your own grass so as not to notice whether it’s greener elsewhere.” - Unknown

I’ve heard so many couples complain about their other halves, he doesn’t do that or this and that old chestnut, we don’t date, swap presents or cards and we don’t need it. Really? Okay, I agree those special days don’t have to be Hallmark days but doing nothing, ever? I’m not sure that is a healthy relationship; perhaps a lazy one? ‘Can’t be bothered to romance’ really will hurt a relationship down the line. Also let’s face it, you’ll get bored somewhere in the muddle of bringing up kids and working. Then the grass may indeed start to look greener on the other side. Water and feed your grass at home and it will grow well enough. Invest in your partner. Money is often tight when raising a family but you can make it work by cutting down on how much you spend on the children or on family holidays. At the end of the day, a picnic, a bottle of wine and a walk don’t cost that much. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Getting dressed up is so good for mental health once you get going again. Have a look in the mirror now, what do you see? Let’s face it, we all need to make an effort occasionally. Look at dating like ‘couples therapy’ but without the huge bill. Dating will improve your future together and how you feel about each other. It may feel forced initially, but soon you’ll be watching the calendar, ready to play-date with the love of your life.

Mums and Dads also need time away from little ears. There are many things that should not be discussed in front of children and often it’s much easier to discuss difficult subjects on neutral ground. Whilst you don’t want date night turning in to a war zone, once you get the hang of it you can get the business bits done and out of the way quickly. It’s important to feel supported and heard within a relationship. It’s important to feel valued. What about the single folks in our community? Single by choice or not, Valentines Day can feel like a pointless celebration of love, not so! Celebrate yourself with your friends. It’s really important to love your life no matter what your relationship status. Dating yourself is also really important. Learning to love being alone is the key to having healthy future relationships. There’s nothing wrong with choosing to be alone, living life your own way and there’s equally nothing bad about wanting a relationship. Whatever relationship situation you find yourself in, treat yourself, look after yourself and don’t waste one minute worrying about the ‘loved up’ noise, be wonderfully you! Buy the shoes, eat the cake and drink the wine! Cheers to you and your beautiful smile!