DEAR KACIE

DearKACIE

FIGHT ALONE OR TOGETHER?

I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years. To be honest, it’s not going so great. We have two kids–one in elementary school and one in middle school. We’re just not in love with each other anymore. It feels more like we’re roommates than husband and wife—roommates who fight and are annoyed with each other. We’ve tried date nights, but we fight there too. I’m wondering if I’d be better off divorced. We’re both unhappy but we want to give it a shot for the kids. Should I go to individual therapy or couples therapy?

Ah, the 15-year itch. Or is it seven-year? Marriage is hard. Every couple you see on social media with the perfectly posed, matching-clothes kids argues. All of them. I promise. Not that you should compare yourself to the lies of the internet. Just remember, it is completely normal for couples to lose their “fire,” so to say.

Everyone knows the honeymoon ends eventually. Kids arrive with their high demands. Careers and responsibilities grow. You change individually and as a couple. So yes it is a normal question, Is individual or couples therapy better? Ask your partner what he would like. That should give you an idea if he truly wants to save the relationship.

But keep this in mind—research shows that when a person attends individual therapy for relationship issues, that person will divorce or leave their partner at a higher rate than when the couple goes to a couples therapist.

Divorce is hard, but it isn’t the end of the world. If you both want to give your marriage a shot, I recommend going to a couples therapist first.

If you have any questions you’d like Kacie to answer, submit them to contact@simplykcmag.com.