Giraffes rise above for collector
Is it good to coach your child?
How stressful is fatherhood?
A GUIDE FOR LIVING IN SIOUXLAND
BEING DAD
DADS OF ALL KINDS TALK ABOUT THEIR BEST JOB
A MODERN HOME
COUPLE FINDS RIGHT TOUCHES FOR HOUSE
JUNE 2013
SIOUXLAND LIFE IS ON THE WEB! VISIT WWW.SIOUXCITYJOURNAL.COM/SIOUXLANDLIFE
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SIOUXLAND LIFE
CONTENTS June 2013
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AHEAD OF THE PACK Giraffes make great collection pals.
20 ON THE COVER: Meet Moville’s Mr. Mom, a stay-at-home dad, just one of many we salute this month in our Father’s Day special. Photograph by Jim Lee
FEATURES 4 HOME Modern design 10 COLLECTION Giraffes 12 DADS grilling dad 15 DADS handy dad 20 DADS stay at home 22 20 QUESTIONS with a priest 24 DADS as coaches 28 DADS as surrogates 30 DADS for the first time
33 36 37 38 41 42 44 46 47
DADS in the same biz DADS adoption DADS advice DADS and stress HEALTH testosterone OUT AND ABOUT HEALTH prostate woes Doc, I’ve Got a Question Parting Shot
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HOT OFF THE GRILL Dads have a cooking knack.
PUBLISHER Steve Griffith EDITOR Bruce Miller EDITORIAL Joanne Fox, Dolly Butz, Tim Gallagher, Earl Horlyk, Nick Hytrek, John Quinlan PHOTOGRAPHY Tim Hynds, Jim Lee, Dawn J. Sagert DESIGN April Burford ADVERTISING SALES Nancy Gevik ADVERTISING DESIGN Stacy Pajl, Jill Bisenius ©2013 The Sioux City Journal. Siouxland Life is published monthly by The Sioux City Journal. For advertising information, please call (712) 224-6275. For editorial information, please call (712) 293-4218.
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FIRST-TIME DADS It’s not all that easy. SIOUXLAND LIFE
June 2013
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HOME that modern feel
ARCHITECT HELPS HO
REALIZE THEIR
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d
Submitted photo
Evan Shaw, architect with Knowles Blunck Architecture in Des Moines, Iowa, worked with a Dakota Dunes couple to create their dream home.
DAKOTA DUNES | INSTEAD of choosing home plans from a magazine, television or the Internet, a pair of homeowners – who asked their names not be used – decided to use an architect. “They would all be similar,” Mr. Homeowner explained. “It would not be the house built for you. It would be like picking a suit off the rack. You’d discover the sleeve would be too short and the cuff of your shirt sticks out.” “It’s my home,” his wife clarified. “It should say, ‘This is me.’” The couple were already residing in Dakota Dunes and looked at other properties for sale. “Oh, yes, many of them were beautiful, including the home we were living
in,” the husband said. “But none of them really caught our fancy.” The couple bought a Union County lot in 2005 with the intention of constructing a new house. “I wanted to have a house constructed that was modern, contemporary,” Mr. Homeowner explained. “I wanted it to have a lot of glass, steel, concrete.” “That was important to me as well,” his wife said. “I wanted nice, clean lines, an open floor plan. I think a contemporary approach eliminates a cluttered look.” The couple researched magazines and the Internet for modern approaches to home design. “That just made sense,” Mr. Homeowner said. “It’s like shopping for a car.
OMEOWNERS
R DREAM
Text by
Joanne Fox Photographs by
Dawn J. Sagert
SIOUXLAND LIFE
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You look at a model and it looks good, but here’s another model that has something you want. You look to combine elements for the best presentation.” The couple started looking on the Internet for architectural firms which specialized in “modern” presentations. They found three in Des Moines and decided to call on two of them in 2006. One of the businesses was Knowles Blunck Architecture. “What they did was not normal,” acknowledged architect Evan Shaw. “But it does happen.” A connection between homeowners and home creator was made. “I firmly believe in karma and we bonded with Evan at that meeting,” Mrs. Homeowner said. “He was so full of ideas.” “But he wasn’t just throwing out ideas,” her husband clarified. “He was genuinely interested in our needs. We knew we could work with him.” Shaw presented a few concepts at that first meeting. “But I wanted to learn more about them, so I really didn’t showcase my work,”
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HOME that modern feel
A contemporary fireplace highlights the living room.
he said. “It’s my job to finely tailor their needs to a home. I need to understand how they live, what their interests are.” The couple shared their interests and what was important with Shaw. “I learned about their daily routines, their social lives,” Shaw noted. “Then, I presented strategic ways to implement that into a home design.” Instead of sketches or specs, Shaw constructed models. “That way we could see if the rooms needed to be square or rectangular,” he explained. “Do we want a room elevated? Do we want a roof that works with the geometry of the sunrise or sunset?” “Those things were important to us,” Mrs. Homeowner said. “We wanted to implement things like concrete walls, glass, metal.” “We also had to keep in mind the ability to resell the home at some point,” Shaw added. “So, things like the number of bedrooms and extra rooms had to be examined.” Of course, not every home project can proceed smoothly and this one had its own major hiccup. Ground was broken two days before the Dunes was evacuated for the 2011 Missouri River flood. “We spent four years refining the house design and that is unusual,” Shaw said. “Then, to have the flooding occur 8
June 2013
A guest bedroom.
An overview of the dining room and kitchen.
was a bit of a setback.” However, once flood waters receded, building began in earnest in August 2012. The couple moved into their home in November.
SIOUXLAND LIFE
Having those architectural insights proved to be one of the best parts of this personal design. “We consider him not just the architect, but a friend,” Mrs. Homeowner said. “Our relationship with him has proved to be of great value,” her husband added. “So much has gone into working together,” he continued. “Evan had to know and understand what we wanted. It’s gone beyond a business relationship.” “I would agree,” Shaw said. “Sometimes, jobs can be adversarial instead of collaborative because the parties can’t work together. We never had that.”
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COLLECTION giraffes
Karen Sowienski displays one of her favorite giraffe pieces.
GIRAFFES PROVIDE MENAGERIE FOR COLLECTOR
k
Text by Joanne Fox
Photographs by Dawn J. Sagert
KAREN SOWIENSKI DOESN’T HAVE to travel to a zoo to see an exotic animal. She fondly refers to her home as the “Giraffe Menagerie.” With their spindly legs and long necks, giraffes are the world’s tallest mammals, sporting beautiful spotted coats. Typically, these fascinating animals reside in the African grasslands and dine on leaves and buds in treetops that most other animals cannot reach. Sowienski estimated she had eight bins full of all things giraffe in addition to the items displayed around her house. “My biggest one is Flannery,” she said,
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referring to a tall, stuffed, cloth creation. “I named him after Megan Flannery, who helped me with costumes. If he had a body, though, Schroeder would most likely be the largest, a gift from my friend Lori. Then, there’s Byrnee who my sister Lisa painted for me.” Yes, almost all of the giraffes have names and to look at them, you’d swear they have personalities as well. Pick the medium and Sowienski has a giraffe in it: wooden, cloth, stuffed, brass, ceramic, pictures, clothes, metal, paper, wax, glass. “I’ve got a letter opener, clothes, shoes, jewelry, toys, a shower scratcher, a teapot, kitchen magnets, shoe horns, book ends,” she said. And just as the animals are found elsewhere in the world, Sowienski has giraffes from other countries. “I have a lot of German giraffes because my daughter, Kara, lived there,” she said. “I also have African giraffes since my friend’s son was stationed there.” The family has been very helpful in adding to Sowienski’s giraffe collection. “My grandson Andrew was so impressed with the collection, he did a school project on it,” she said. “Once when I was gone for a few days, I came home to discover my husband Stan had put a giraffe picture in the shower.” Q. When did you start the collection? A. Mother’s Day 1973. You can accumulate a lot of “anything” in 40 years. Q. What was the first piece? A. It was a music box from my kids that my mom bought for them to give to me for Mother’s Day. Q. What’s the appeal of the giraffes? A. Giraffes are such gentle giants with a gregarious nature and beautiful, big brown eyes. Q. Where do you find items for the collection?
A. Wherever. Most of them are gifts from my friends and family. Q. What criteria do you use for choosing the giraffes? A. They choose me. I love all things “giraffe.” You can’t get too far in my house without running into a giraffe. Once again, most of them are gifts. Q. What about price? A. Price really doesn’t matter. Although one friend found a $1,300 brass giraffe at the Mall of America and told me that although he really liked me, that was too much to spend. Q. What’s your favorite piece? A. I really can’t say. Although I think the one that means the most is that first one from my kids. Q. I know Flannery is your largest, what’s your smallest? A. It’s a Christmas ornament that’s just two inches tall. Q. Do you collect anything else? A. Not really. But I have some thimbles, because I’m a costumer of local productions. Q. Any thought to ever stopping the collection? A. NEVER!!! Giraffes are my favorite animal. SIOUXLAND LIFE
June 2013
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DADS born to grill
MEET
THE MEAT
s
MAN
Text by Earl Horlyk | Photographs by Jim Lee and Laura Johnson
STEVE HEIN KNOWS MEAT. As manager of Braunger’s Meat Market, he has access to all of the best cuts. And as an enthusiastic griller, he has a gift when it comes to searing steaks to juicy perfection. “I’ve been grilling since I was 10 years old,” Hein said from the deck of his northside Sioux City home. “I learned how to grill from my dad and, now, I passing along the lessons to my two sons.” Taking out a plate full of steaks, pork chops and chicken, he said it’s important to season them at least a half-hour before grilling. “I use a good quality olive oil and some dry rub seasoning,” Hein said, tearing open a packet of Char Crust roasted garlic peppercorn seasoning. “The seasoning will help the meat develop a nice crust.” Although he grew up using a charcoal grill, Hein now uses an electric model. “An electric grill won’t give you that distinctive charcoal taste, it’s much faster and more convenient,” he explained. “When you’re working in a store all day and grilling up to four to five days a week, convenience is definitely a good thing.” Placing the meat gingerly onto a hot grill, Hein sears the chops, steaks and chicken breast on both sides.
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“You sear first to seal in the juices,” he informed. “Then, you grill with the lid down, checking periodically.” Although he owns a meat thermometer, Hein said he doesn’t need one to tell if meat is done. “Oh, I just eyeball, I guess,” he offered. In case you don’t have Hein’s expertise, poultry must be cooked until it’s 165 degrees and pork at 150 degrees. Medium-rare beef (the preference of
SIOUXLAND LIFE
Steve Hein grills steak and chicken at his Sioux City home.
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Hein and his sons Grant, 14, and Mitchell, 23) must be cooked to 135 degrees, and medium (the choice of Hein’s wife Mindy) is between 140 - 145 degrees. Medium-well and well-done beef should be cooked to 150 and 160, respectively. In addition to meats, Hein also grills veggies like peppers and onions. While other people grill unusual things like pizzas or, even, cakes, Hein said he prefers to keep things simple. “I’m sure a person can cook practically anything on a grill,” he admitted. “But that doesn’t mean I have to.” Finishing the cooking process, Hein lets the meat rest before cutting. “The juices have to redistribute themselves,” he advised. “If you cut too soon, the juice will escape and you end up with dry meat.” Describing his wife Mindy as “an excellent cook,” Hein said outdoor grilling is “a distinctively male thing to do.” “Grilling allows guys to get in touch with their inner caveman,” he said with a smile. “What’s more prehistoric than slapping some meat onto an open flame.” Even more than that, grilling is a communal endeavor. “The act of grilling is more than just food,” Hein suggested. “It’s about being around family and friends while having fun in the summertime.”
DADS handy dad
Restaurateur Amber Callahan and her dad, Sergeant Bluff, Iowa, handyman Rich Callahan, check out one of dad’s bigger tools, a compound miter saw, at a Sioux City job site.
r
HANDY DAD,
HANDY DAUGHTER Text and photographs by
John Quinlan
RICH CALLAHAN IS A proud dad. Proud of the ability his daughter Amber Callahan, 26, has to “fix” things, an ability her friends sometimes don’t understand, one she picked up at her dad’s feet. “Even at the restaurant, I see a leaky faucet and I’ll just go grab a wrench and
tighten down the washer on it,” said Amber, who works at The Outback in Bellevue, Neb. “And my friends will be, what are you doing? Why didn’t you just call somebody? And spend money when I know how to do it? Why not? They definitely don’t know.” What her friends don’t know is that Amber and her brother Seth learned how to fix a lot of things from their handyman dad from Sergeant Bluff, Iowa,
a building contractor and all-around handyman who owns Rass Remodeling. “When Amber and Seth were little and we were doing jobs, they’d want to help out a little bit, you know, handing you tools and watching how things were going,” Rich said. “You’ve got to be careful with power tools around them, but they kind of get used to how you’re doing things. Then eventually you let them break into … swinging the hammer,
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turning the screwdriver and different things. Then as the years go by, they gain more knowledge and start building and taking it on themselves. Seth works for a wood floor company, learning that trade, and he has worked for cabinet manufacturers, branching off in different directions and acquiring more trade knowledge, sort of following in dad’s footsteps, Rich noted. Amber considered doing that but fell in love with the restaurant business. Yet she still knows more about home repair than most people. She remembers the first time she used tools. Dad, still learning his trade, had decided to put a bathroom in their basement. “He was trying to learn an easy way. Improvising. And I remember he was building a shower and just like watching him build this bathroom out of nothing. And it was so cool! I was 5 or 6,” she said. “Because Dad was doing it, it was cool.”
TIPS FROM DAD
The attention span of kids is kind of limited. They will be interested for a little bit, then want to run off and play. “So you always want to start slow,” he said. “Let them do the hammer. Let them do a screwdriver, pliers. Hand you stuff! Handing stuff to Dad is a biggie because they’re really involved. They think they’re doing a lot. And they are helping quite a bit by doing that.” This gives them a sense of accomplishment, he said, that they were really helping Dad do this by handing him the tools he needed to do the job. “Repetition is always the key to anything that you try to learn,” he said. “You say, grab me a hammer. And then eventually, it’s, grab me a Sawzall. And eventually, they get to know all the tool names.” And as they get older, in their teen years, they can run to the van to get the tools and bring them in, which saves a lot of time. “And put them back, too,” Amber added, a phrase she was obviously familiar with. “And then eventually, if they show an interest, they want to use a skill saw,” Rich said. “So you’ve got to be sure they’re the right age and using the right equipment, safety glasses and stuff. When they first start using it, it’s a little scary because the thing’s got some power and it will just take off on you if you’re not really hanging on to it. So you actually hang on to the saw while they’re hanging on to the saw and show them how it goes ... because held wrong, any power tool can be dangerous. “So you have to be real careful at what
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age you introduce them to electrical tools.” But you can’t start too early. Pre-schoolers, for instance, can get a feel for tools by using plastic play tools, like a toy skill saw or a drill that makes noise when you pull the trigger. “You’ll see little kids over there with a piece of wood that Dad – or Mom – is working on, and the kid’s over there with a piece of wood, acting like he’s sawing on it. They get the impression that they’re actually doing something, helping dad. And in their mind, they are.”
PATIENCE, DAD
Patience is the key word to remember when dealing with kids, Rich said. “Start them off slow and don’t expect too much. And even if the kid screws up, don’t yell at them that they screwed it up,” he said. “Sometimes it’s better that they feel that they’ve accomplished something. But when they leave the room, fix it real quick.” “But don’t let them see you fix it,”
SIOUXLAND LIFE
Amber added. Amber has a pretty good tool collection. Her boyfriend Brian started one two years ago, and they’ve been adding to it, though they don’t get many hand-medowns from her dad. Rich kind of burns through his tools. Then there’s the next generation, starting with Amber and Brian’s daughter Camryn, who will be 2 in August. “With the knowledge that they have, they can pass that down to their daughter also,” Rich said. “Which is beneficial because if you just let your kid not learn anything, then they just pretty much become helpless.” Rich learned at the feet of an uncle, helping him tear apart and put together a motor at the age of 9. The uncle then led him through the steps you need to fix things, much like Amber did with her dad years later. “Without any basics, some people can just look at a project and be overwhelmed,” he said. “They have no idea how to start or what to do.”
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Holding back is a tHing of tHe past A new smile lets you bloom
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CONCERT SCHEDULE
June 8th All Strings Attached Orchestra June 15th ($20 door/$15 advance) Three Dog Night w/ special guest sponsored by Mau Marine and Clary Lake Service June 22nd Brasher Bogue sponsored by Okoboji Tourism Committee June 29th Shawn Mayer w/ special guests sponsored by Oak Hill Marina July 4th Kory and the Fireflies sponsored by Kozy Heat July 5th The Rumbles sponsored by ReMax July 6th The Nadas sponsored by Mueske Electric July 13th Cowboy Mouth sponsored by State Steel
July 20th Enemy Planes w/ Bright Giant sponsored by Keep Okoboji Blue July 27th Power House sponsored by Northwest Bank and Vugteveen Lawn Service August 3rd Silver Bullet Band sponsored by KUOO and Arrowwood Resort and Conference Center August 10th Ladies of the 80’s sponsored by RV Central August 16th O.A.R. w/ Allen Stone sponsored by 2013 Victory Rally August 17th (7 p.m. start) Josh Turner w/ Jake McVey sponsored by 2013 Victory Rally August 24th Farrell Webber Band sponsored by Don’s Pest Control August 31st Arch Allies sponsored by Walker Insurance Company
All concerts are free and start at 7:30 on the Preservation Plaza unless otherwise indicated.
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June 2013
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DADS stay at home
Shane Semmler, pictured at his Moville home with his son Sebastian, 11, and daughter Bailey, 9, is a stay-at-home dad.
s
GROWING TREND: STAY-AT-HOME DADS HANDLE CHILDCARE WHILE MOMS PURSUE CAREERS
Text by Earl Horlyk
Photographs by Jim Lee
SHANE SEMMLER DOESN’T MIND being called “Mr. Mom.” In fact, the Moville, Iowa, father of two relishes the opportunity to spend quality time with his kids. A part-time tree trimmer, Semmler takes care of 9-year-old daughter Bailey and 11-year-old son Sebastian while his wife Shelly works as a court reporter for U.S. District Court Judge Mark W. Bennett. Semmler is part of a growing trend. The U.S. Census Bureau reports 3.5 percent of all stay-at-home parents are men. That number has doubled in the last decade. As women pursue more challenging
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“I love having my dad around. It’s fun because we get to do things together.” SEBASTIAN, 11 careers, men are becoming more involved in family life and childcare. Semmler, an Illinois native who was raised in Florida, and Shelly, a native of Northeast Iowa, were married for nearly a decade before they started their family. Moving to Moville for job opportunities, the Semmlers had no immediate family in the area. “Shelly has a good job that requires a lot of travel,” Semmler, a former Charlie
SIOUXLAND LIFE
Zook Motor car mechanic, explained. “When Sebastian was born, it just made more sense for me to stay home.” With the birth of Bailey, Semmler admits to having his hands full. “I was the one who did the laundry, the housework and caring for the kids,” he noted. “I was the one who was stuck at home.” Initially, Semmler found the role reversal intimidating. Before long, he learned to enjoy it. “I loved taking the kids to the park,” he said. “We did it every day when the weather was nice.” Semmler said outsiders never questioned his caretaking. “The moms at the park probably thought I worked the night shift,”
he contended. Yet, it was Semmler’s own family members who were troubled by his stayat-home status. “My grandpa was an old school, ‘the man should bring home the bacon’ sort of guy,” he remembered. “Grandpa didn’t understand this was a great opportunity for me to bond with my kids.” Semmler continued the bonding, even after they began attending Woodbury Central Community School. “That allowed me to take the occasional tree trimming job,” he said. “I was able to bring home some money and still be around when my kids were home from school.” On an unusually hot May afternoon, Semmler made plans to take his children to the park. “I love having my dad around,” said 11-year-old Sebastian. “It’s fun because we get to do things together.” “I didn’t even know he was a stayat-home dad until somebody told me,” 9-year-old Bailey said. “I just thought every dad did that.” Semmler credits his wife Shelly for “making a greater sacrifice.” “Shelly is the one who is working outside of the house,” he said. “She gets to be the hands-on parent at night while I’m the hands-on parent, getting the kids ready for school, in the morning.”
Shane Semmler, pictured at his Moville home with his son Sebastian, 11, and daughter Bailey, 9.
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PROFILE Q&A
“It’s always good on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day to tie that in. One of the biggest applications I would make is that fatherhood is not restricted to the priest. It’s for anyone who can show that love and guidance to someone else.”
20 QUESTIONS with an orthodox priest
Lucas Rice Photograph by Tim Hynds | Text by Nick Hytrek
What’s it like to be a father – in two respects? Nick Hytrek talked with the Rev. Lucas Rice of St. Thomas Orthodox Church in Sioux City 1. You’re a father and a dad, correct? A dad and a father. I have a son.
2. What are the Orthodox church’s rules about priests being married and having children? The rule in a nutshell is this: You can be ordained when you’re married, but you can’t get married after you’re ordained.
3. Do parishioners call you father, too? Yes.
4. Why are priests called father? This is just tied to a priest’s role as spiritual father. Pastor is our job title, but I am, at least ideally, going to be the spiritual leader of this parish and the title reflects that.
5. What connection does that have to calling God our father? No one in orthodoxy would ever say we’re THE father. We’re a father more like you have a dad and I have a dad.
6. Were you a priest or a father first? I was a priest first.
7. Did the meaning of the word father change for you after your son was born? Yeah, I think it did. It felt natural, it felt different.
8. Does your child call you dad
or father?
and love. You have to love your children, just as you love the people in your church. They have to know you love them.
He calls me “dada.” He’s only 22 months.
9. Does he ever get confused when other people call you father?
15. Does the dad/father situation lead to any jokes at home?
I don’t think he picks up on that yet. When we come to church, the priest is behind the icon screen. He can hear me and he understands he has to share me.
10. Do you ever get Father’s Day cards from parishioners? I think I did last year.
11. Is it more challenging to be a father of a child or a parish?
If my son were older, I’m sure it would.
16. What do you get from your family for Father’s Day? My wife’s excellent at gift-giving. It’s usually a little gift and a nice meal together.
17. What lessons did you learn from your father?
They’re so different. They’re both very challenging.
My dad, he’s crystallized a few things for me like, “just because somebody says something doesn’t make it so.”
12. How does being a father help you as a priest?
18. What’s the best advice your father ever gave you?
One of our chanters, he made an observation that at the end of the service, I step out from behind the screen for the final blessing and my son can see me. Of course, I can’t see my own face. The chanter observed me and said, “When I see how much love you have for your son, it shows how much love you have for us.”
“The only people who never mess up are the people who never try.”
13. How does being a priest help you as a father? Learning how to listen. It is an absolute job requirement.
14. What are the similarities between being a priest and a father?
I think they’re both about guidance
19. As a father, what kind of lessons do you try to teach your son?
Above all, kindness. I want him to be kind with the kids he plays with and show forgiveness and compassion.
20. Do you have a special Father’s Day-themed sermon planned?
It’s always good on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day to tie that in. One of the biggest applications I would make is that fatherhood is not restricted to the priest. It’s for anyone who can show that love and guidance to someone else.
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DADS as coaches Jim Wesselmann, front left, and Dean Harpenau serve as co-coaches for the Remsen St. Mary’s Hawks baseball team. Sons in back, from left, are Jacob Wesselmann, Matt Wesselmann and Brady Harpenau.
r
FAMILY TIME IS DIAMOND TIME Text and Photographs by Tim Gallagher
REMSEN, IOWA | COACH Dean Harpenau of Remsen St. Mary’s High School has 171 baseball victories to his credit. His co-coach, Jim Wesselmann, has won 461 baseball games as a coach. Their fathers? Neither played high school baseball. Both had to work on the farm. Both could do one sport as high schoolers, and they chose basketball. Times have changed on the farm and, as a result, on the baseball field where Harpenau and Wesselmann now coach
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their sons. Wesselmann dispenses instruction – at home and on the field – to sons Matt and Jacob. Harpenau does the same with son Brady. It’s a difficult juggling act, coaching children. Wesselmann and Harpenau aren’t newbies as both men coached their older children as well. For Wesselmann, it was sons Jason and Michael. For Harpenau, it was daughter Paige in softball. They’ve also helped direct various
SIOUXLAND LIFE
little league teams through the years. “My kids usually don’t listen,” says Wesselmann, winking and laughing at the direction of his sons. “Seriously, we’re on the same wavelength. I remember my oldest son going with me
to so many town team baseball games and high school practices. Those kids became my kids’ idols.” There have been times, Wesselmann admits, where his children have told him to “let it go” once they get home. Coaches, particularly coaches who are parents, have that fine line to consider. How much rehashing of a game is enough? Harpenau, a winner of five state baseball titles as a player at Remsen St. Marys, says it can be a gray area. What’s not? The way boys and girls differ in post-game analysis, or in-game critiques. “Boys do handle constructive criticism a bit better than a lot of girls,” he says. “You can probably be more direct with boys.” Brady Harpenau and Matt Wesselmann may disagree to a bit of an extent. Both have had teammates during practice ask them what was wrong on a particular day with their father. “You dad’s really mad today,” Matt Wesselmann says, mimicking a comment he’s heard. As the son of a coach, it comes with the territory. Coach Gene Meister, a legendary baseball coach at Bishop Garrigan High School in Algona and Bancroft St. John’s, among others, once told Wesselmann that the worst thing a coach can have is a child whose talent and determination only rate “so-so.” Children of coaches must be more than a notch or two better than a peer if they’re battling for the same spot on the diamond. Wesselmann remembers coming from Okoboji High School years ago when son Jason was a sophomore. Jason Wesselmann went from a starter for the Pioneers to a reserve for the Hawks, even with his dad as head coach. “We were loaded here,” says Wesselmann of a St. Mary’s team led by the Austin and Andy Steichen brothers. “We play the nine or 10 guys who give us the best chance to win,” Wesselmann says. Eventually, Jason Wesselmann worked his way into
Clockwise from top Coach Dean Harpenau coached daughter Paige in softball at Remsen St. Mary’s High School. He now coaches son Brady Harpenau, right, as a member of the baseball team.; Freshman Brady Harpenau plays catcher for the Remsen St. Mary’s Hawks at Remsen, Iowa.; Remsen St. Mary’s High School’s Matt Wesselmann pitches against LawtonBronson during substate baseball action in Remsen on July 17, 2012.
the lineup as an upperclassman. It’s a place where Matt Wesselmann is now, the leader on a team hoping to build on the success of recent state tournament appearances. “Our kids were bat boys, they’ve been around the game all the time,” says Wesselmann. Brady Harpenau, on this particular Thursday, asked his dad to throw him batting practice at 6:30 a.m. A favorite Okoboji memory for Wesselmann involves their lawn on 13th
Street. The grass was so well-worn around the family base paths, home plate and pitcher’s mound, it looked like Arizona. “People loved watching the kids play in the yard,” says the elder Wesselmann, a player that in his prep days at Bancroft St. John’s, finished runner-up in five state baseball tourneys. “We went from playing at our house to playing on the lawn at a nearby nursing home. The residents loved it.” So did Dad.
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Heart Attacks Happen Fast UnityPoint Health St. Luke’s offers immediate, 24/7 heart care
H E A RT AT TAC K S I G N S A N D SY M P TO M S It’s important to remember that everyone is different, and just because what is listed is common, it is by no means an absolute rule. If you even think you are having a heart attack, call 9-1-1. M a ke t h e C a l l . D o n ’ t M i s s a B e a t . Re m e m b e r, t i m e l o s t i s h e a rt m u s c l e l o s t . Women: • Shortness of breath may occur with or without chest discomfort • Nausea and light-headedness • Flu-like symptoms, including chills and cold sweats • Heart palpitations • Chest discomfort (angina): pain, tightness or pressure in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and then returns • Discomfort in other areas, including pain or discomfort in one or both arms (especially the left arm), the back, between the shoulder blades, neck, jaw, teeth, or stomach • Heartburn or indigestion • Extreme fatigue
Men: • Crushing, squeezing, or burning pain, pressure, or fullness in the center of the chest that may radiate to the neck, one or both arms, the shoulders, or the jaw, with chest discomfort that lasts more than a few minutes or goes away and then returns • Shortness of breath, dizziness, nausea, chills, sweating or weak pulse • Cold and clammy skin, gray pallor or a severe appearance of illness • Fainting (rare) Source: American Heart Association
Teaming with the respected physicians of Cardiovascular Associates, St. Luke’s helps you get back to family, friends and everything that matters to your heart.
S i o u x C i t y, I o w a | u n i t y p o i n t . o r g | 7 1 2 - 2 7 9 - 3 5 0 0 26
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SIOUXLAND LIFE
ask a professional Q: Doc, we’ve been thinking about getting an inversion table to alleviate our low lo back pain. What do you think?
A: We keep getting this question at the officce,
and I have a definitive answer for you: maybee. The theory behind inversion tables is that when you invert your body, you use your body’s weight to decompress the discs and joints, which can stretch tight muscles and ligamentts. Dr. Joel This can feel fantastic to tight muscles, but Pistello, DC if your entire low back is extremely tight, or the condition can be irritated by inversion, the pain may be excruciating. The next question is: what are we trying to treat with the inversion table? Low back pain has many causes: muscular, joinnt, organic, vascular, etc. Those tight muscles may be acting as a “splint” and protecting an underlying problem. You should never treat a condition with an inversion table that isn’t first properly diagnosed. Additionally, if your condition isn’t responding to inversion, it’s time to try something different (see my Bottom Linne below). Finally, a note about safety: inversion tables typically are designned to lower your head 15 degrees or more than the rest of your boddy. This places extra pressure on your cardiovascular system and other organs, so you need to be careful using inversion therapy on those who are pregnant, have glaucoma, high blood pressure, a history of other cardiovascular events, or other health problemss. Always have a spotter there to help in case you can’t get back uup. Bottom line: Get your low back pain properly diagnosed and askk your doctor about the best available treatment(s) for the cause(ss) of your low back pain. If you get a go-ahead to try inversion, always use a spotter. Stay safe Siouxland!
Call 276-4325 today for an appointment 3930 Stadium Drive. (Between Wal-Mart & Explorer Stadium)
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DADS surrogate dad Boys Club Unit Director Pat Amundson is shown at the Boys Club.
BEING ‘DAD’ TO 700 BOYS, AMUNDSON WANTS TO
IMPACT LIVES
p
PAT AMUNDSON LIKES TO tell people he’s dad to two daughters – Megan and Morgan – and 700 “sons” – the Boys Club of Sioux City members who consider him a father figure. “Some of these kids are raised by moms in single-parent homes,” the Boys Club unit director notes. “I guess I’ve become a male role model in their lives.” Amundson has been playing that role for more than 18 years. Growing up in a military family, Amundson knew he didn’t want to follow in the footsteps of his dad, a two star U.S. Army General. “My dad (Gen. Gerald “Bud” Amundson) said he always wanted me to follow my passion,” he remembers. “My passion, as it turned out wasn’t in the military.” Instead, Amundson discovered his passion in education. “Like a lot of young people, I was convinced I was going to change the world,” he recalls. “I assumed teaching would be the key.” Graduating from the University of
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South Dakota with degrees in history education and parks and recreation administration in 1994, Amundson accepted a coaching position at the Boys Club. Working with the center’s after-school program, he began commuting between the Boys Club’s 823 Pearl St. campus and the Vermillion, S.D., home he shared with wife Jill, a special needs teacher, and their two daughters. Amundson quickly established bonds with many of the young members. “The kids are terrific,” he says of the boys ranging in age from 7 - 18. “They come from all walks of life and they are all very special.” As a coach, Amundson taught the boys sportsmanship. Off the court, he instructed them to be good citizens. The motto of the Boys Club is “Great Futures Start Here,” a sentiment that Amundson takes to heart. “You never really know about the home life of these kids,” he says. “That’s why I’ve always made myself available to them.” Amundson says many former
SIOUXLAND LIFE
Text by
Earl Horlyk Photographs by
Dawn J. Sagert
Boys Club Unit Director Pat Amundson, center, demonstrates how he might lend his advice during a chess game being played by Phi Le, left, 10, and Keanu Bigeagle, right, 9, both of Sioux City.
members have invited him to high school and college graduation. A few have even enrolled their own children to become Boys Club members. “Now, that’s a scary thing,” Amundson says with a laugh. “I’ve been doing this long enough, I’m starting to see a second generation of kids.” Still, he has no regrets.
“I have the best job in the world,” Amundson says. “No day is ever the same and no kid is ever the same. This is very cool.” As the sounds of kids laughing and having fun ring through the building, Amundson retreats to his office. “When I was younger, I wanted to change the world,” he says. “Instead, working for the Boys Club has changed me for the better.” “I’m more compassionate and understanding because of these kids,” Amundson adds. “I’d like to think I’ve left an impact on the lives of some of these kids but they’ve also left their impact on me.” BOYS CLUB OF SIOUX CITY The mission of the Boys Club of Sioux City is to inspire and enable all boys to reach their full potential as responsible, caring and productive citizens. It offers afterschool programs; snacks and meals; a safe place to learn and grow; on-going relationships with caring adult professionals and life-enhancing and character development experiences. For more information, visit the Boys Club of Sioux City at 823 Pearl Street or call 712-258-5545.
YOUR GUIDE TO LIVING ACTIVE, REWARDING LIVES
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August 23, 2013
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CELEBRATING NATIONAL HOMEOWNERSHIP MONTH The Value of Homeownership: Homeownership is An Enduring Goal Homeownership has always been – and continues to be – the single best long-term investment for most Americans. It is a primary source of wealth and financial security for many households, helping to provide for education, retirement and more.
Homeownership Generates Jobs and Strengthens the Economy Just as homeownership provides many benefits to individual families, it also benefits the nation. Whenever new homes are built, new jobs are created and a permanent source of ongoing revenue for local, state and federal government springs to life that supports local schools and communities across the land. The employment impacts are broad based, extending far beyond the construction workers employed to build the homes. Jobs are generated in the industries that manufacture and supply products that go into building the home. When 100 families move into new homes, they spend $740,000 more than usual on appliances, furnishings, and property alterations, creating a further economic stimulus.
Attacks on a Principle that Americans Hold Dear Despite the many benefits that homeownership provides for families, its potential to create millions of jobs and its value to the nation’s economy, it is under attack.
Policymakers are pushing for sweeping tax code changes that could prevent millions of families from ever setting foot on the homeownership ladder. Some of the proposals under consideration include eliminating or reducing the mortgage interest deduction and the deductions for property taxes and the interest on home equity loans. Abolishing or limiting the mortgage interest deduction would also inflict serious damage on millions of middle-class home owners and the struggling housing market by further depressing home values.
Indirect But Equally Damaging Some of the other threats to homeownership may be less visible, but certainly are no less damaging. Some members of Congress support abolishing Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac without offering a new framework for housing finance system reform that would avoid further disruptions to an already fragile housing finance system. Even more disturbing is a push by some policymakers to end the federal backstop for housing. This would immediately drive up the cost of long-term financing and destabilize the housing market. A reliable supply of affordable 30-year, fixed-rate mortgage financing is essential to a vibrant housing market, and Congress should ensure that the federal government plays an appropriate role in keeping conventional fixed-rate home loans and adjustable rate mortgages readily available and affordable for America’s working families. Another little known threat comes at the hands of federal regulatory agencies charged with defining a “qualified residential mortgage”
for secondary market purposes. The proposed minimum 20 percent downpayment would quickly become the nationwide standard and would put homeownership far beyond the reach of most firsttime home buyers and middle-class households.
The Bottom Line Americans continue to value homeownership. A NAHB poll showed that 75 percent of all respondents – both owners and renters – believe the federal government should provide tax incentives to promote homeownership. As the debate over housing policy unfolds, it is crucial to ensure that homeownership remains attainable and that access to safe, decent and affordable housing remains a national priority. * Note: This national survey of 1,500 likely 2012 voters was conducted Jan. 2-5, 2012 by Public Opinion Strategies of Alexandria, Va., and Lake Research Partners of Washington, D.C. It has a margin of error of ±2.5 percent.
Bob Wilcke President Bob Wilcke Construction
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712-255-3852 www.hbags.com June 2013
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DADS a fathering first
a DADDY’S
Drew Strom and his daughter Elleri have bonded at their home in Lawton, Iowa.
SHE’S
LITTLE GIRL
Text by John Quinlan | Photographs by Jim Lee
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SIOUXLAND LIFE
ANDREW “DREW” STROM CONSIDERS himself an average guy. When his wife Cari told him last July, during Awesome Biker Nights in Sioux City, that she was expecting their first child, he thought, yeah, it’s going to be nice to have a son. Kind of awesome. Like a lot of guys, he wanted a boy. Then Elleri, their daughter, was born Feb. 15 at UnityPoint Health-St. Luke’s in Sioux City, where Mom works as a nurse in the NIC (Neonatal Intensive Care) Unit. And Drew had to confess to just one big regret – that Elli (as they call her) was not in their lives months, if not years, earlier. “Ever since we had her, instantly seeing her, I couldn’t be any happier. She’s been great,” he said. The rugged electrical engineer from Lawton, Iowa, where the Stroms live, was with Cari when doctors were trying to induce labor and Cari ended up
getting a Caesarian. “I was right there the second that she came into this world and took her first breath and screamed,” he said. “That was probably one of the most exciting and happiest moments I had right there, just seeing her being there and getting cleaned up. Just getting wiped down and just getting to see her face and hearing her scream was amazing.” And since Cari was pretty much zonked out from the pain medication, Drew was directly involved in parenting from the start. “It was a pretty big shock to go instantly to changing diapers and feeding her and burping her and all that stuff, and holding her and rocking her to sleep. It just kind of came naturally to me,” he said. With two brothers and no sisters, he wasn’t sure what to expect having another female around the house. Drew admitted to reading a couple of books about parenting, one titled “A Man’s Guide to Raising a Baby.” The topics ranged from birthing and how to dispose of diapers to how to survive in the woods with a baby. But most of his knowledge came from Nurse Cari. “It was her teaching me pretty much how to be a good dad,” he said, noting that they also got some great beenthere/done-that advice from friends and family members. Though he and Cari both hail from Clinton, Iowa, and their parents live five hours away, a call for help would bring them to Lawton immediately, he noted. “He’s been a great first-time dad, not really having any experience being around babies,” Cari said. “This is the first baby on his side of the family. And he got Daddy 101 right from the git-go, having to change diapers and feed her and everything. He’s been awesome.” Before Elli was born, Drew said he used to tell Cari she was going to be the perfect mother and he could just sit back and relax. And for the first couple of months, with mom home on maternity leave, she did most of the work. But that’s changing. He helps with the feeding. “And when he gets home at night, it’s kind of my little down time to go take a shower or throw in a load of laundry. So he’s really good about helping out,” Cari said. He’s also learned everything a dad needs to know about changing diapers. “I remember there was a streak. I mean, literally, by the time I got the
Drew Strom and his daughter Elleri and wife Cari hang out at their home in Lawton, Iowa.
“It was a pretty big shock to go instantly to changing diapers and feeding her and burping her and all that stuff, and holding her and rocking her to sleep. It just kind of came naturally to me.”
DREW STROM
diaper on, I had to take it off. There were about five in a row that I had to change. By the time I pulled one off and slid another one under her, she’s going to the bathroom again,” he said. “I mean, the amount of diapers you go through.” At 10 months, Elli has started to recognize dad, which is a real kick. “I come home and I run up to her and say, ‘Hey, daddy’s home!’ And I get up closer and she’ll start to smile,” he said. “I think she does start to recognize me a lot more. She obviously recognizes Cari a lot because she’s spending so much more time with her. But when I come home, she recognizes me, I think,
and smiles and will reach over and hold my finger and just kind of squirm around and roll over toward me.” When mom goes back to work and he has to spend more time with his little girl, Drew expects to get a better sense of the stress that goes with fulltime parenting, but he’s sure he can handle it. And he’s looking forward to their next child, whenever that may be. “And if it’s another girl, I’ll be just as happy,” he said. “I mean just having a good, healthy, beautiful little girl, this is as good as having a little boy.” What’s not to look forward to? Well, maybe those teen years, he admitted of a time that can be a nightmare for some dads. “That’s going to be very stressful,” he said. “And the worst part is my buddies at work (Peter Kiewit Construction) are always reminding me of that moment in your life that is coming up. ‘Oh yeah, she’s going to be chased by boys when she’s 16 years old. Can you deal with that?’ And I’m like, yeah, thanks for reminding me, guys.” Even then, she’ll still be daddy’s little girl.
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SIOUXLAND LIFE
DADS in the same biz
s
PRINCE’S TAVERN:
LIKE FATHER, LIKE SON
Text and photographs by Tim Gallagher
SIOUX CITY | The day liquor became legal by the shot, Terry Prince opened Prince’s Tavern. It was July 4, 1963. Prince’s son, also named Terry Prince, would follow his dad into the business 20 years alter. This summer, Prince’s Tavern lights 50 candles (or fireworks, as the date suggests), one for each year of serving suds and more at 1920 Center St. Terry Prince says he and his late father owe their livelihood to the people in and around Sioux City, the people who stop by for happy hour daily, or the folks who come back to Sioux City every few years and make Prince’s part of their return. Kirk Hinrich, for example. The former West High Wolverine and current Chicago Bulls point guard has two jerseys from his Kansas Jayhawk days presented above the bar. Hinrich stops at Prince’s when he’s back in his hometown. He brought teammate Luol Deng here once, as well as former Kansas running-mate Nick Collison. “For Terry’s 70th birthday, we went to Chicago and saw Kirk play for the Bulls,” says Terry’s wife, Joan Prince. “Kirk has always treated us very well,” says Terry, who is 74. While Terry Prince isn’t sure what brought his father to town from Illinois decades ago, he knows he rarely left once he set up shop in Sioux City. “My dad tended bar down at the (Sioux City) Stockyards and did clean-up work,” Terry Prince says. “And then in the late 1940s or ’50s he ran Prince & Dudley’s, which is now Rhonda’s Speakeasy.” In the late 1940s, the elder Prince sold booze and tips, a precursor to pull-tabs. Terry and his wife, the late Lorena Prince, then bought the Wayside Inn on East Fourth Street in Sioux City. The place was flooded in both 1952 and 1953. They bought the Log Cabin just east of Hamilton Boulevard near what’s now the Siouxland Center for Active Generations and operated that business for seven years or so. “The Log Cabin building needed some work, but my folks didn’t own it,” Terry
Joan and Terry Prince are shown with Charlie, their bar mascot, at Prince’s Tavern in Sioux City.
Left Terry Prince holds a picture of his parents, Terry and Lorena Prince, who founded Prince’s Tavern on July 4, 1963. Terry Prince, 74, followed his father into the bar business in 1983. The business celebrates its 50th anniversary this summer, the 30th year Terry Prince has run the bar.
Prince says. “This site on Center Street came up for sale. My dad bought it and the lot across the street.” Prince’s Tavern had been Matz Grocery Store for years in the early part of the 20th century. It was still owned by a Matz
family member in 1963, but existed as a tavern run by Jim Rose. “Jim Rose wanted out, my dad wanted in,” Terry Prince says of a time 50 years ago. John Schultz built a bar for the Prince family. The bar remains today, as does the business and the family name. Although Terry Prince’s parents are both gone, he’s still serving drinks in their memory. Before coming to work here, Terry Prince was a trader at the Sioux City Stockyards. He established P&P Trading, named for Prince & Prince and operated for more than a decade. Did his father trade livestock? “No,” Terry Prince says with a laugh. “It was me and my dad because I didn’t have any money back then.”
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The Home Builders Association of Greater Siouxland's Project Home, 536 Forest View, is nearing completion. Selling Price: $174,000 (income restrictions apply). Ranch Style, 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms. Equal Housing Opportunity. Contact the Home Builders Association for information regarding the purchase of this home. 3900 Stadium Dr., Sioux City, IA 712-255-3852 www.hbags.com email: hbasooland@siouxlan.net
Terry Prince, a 1957 Bishop Heelan graduate, says it was natural to follow his father into the bar trade. Both are people people, if that makes sense. And both boosted various teams, leagues and schools in and around Sioux City for decades. “My parents and their friends were bar people,” the son says while standing beneath a portrait of his folks that graces an area above the 50-year-old bar. “I think my parents went on one vacation away from Sioux City. They went to Las Vegas where there was a business convention going on.” Like his father, Terry Prince is married to his wife – and married to his business. He’s very thankful that wife Joan and bar manager Jamie Marksbury are so ingrained in the business. Having such support makes his job all the more enjoyable. He smiles while remembering some high times, one about this time of year back in 1990. Perry Creek flooded and Prince’s Tavern had more than one foot of water inside. The basement door, in fact, was blown off by the pressure of the rising water. “We never closed,” Terry Prince says. “There were people in here with their feet at the bar, just barely above the water.” A high-water mark for a family institution.
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A new name. A new day in health care.
Iowa Health, the health system that St. Luke’s is a member of, is now UnityPoint Health. It’s about more than a new name. It’s about putting you in the center of everything we do. And collaborating as a team, your team, providing coordinated care between your doctor’s office, St. Luke’s, and in your home. You’ll have access to the expertise and resources of UnityPoint Health’s vast network of care that spans across the region. We all work together with one goal in mind. Getting you healthy faster. And helping you stay that way. UnityPoint Health.
The point of unity is you. unitypoint.org
St. Luke’s UnityPoint Clinic UnityPoint at Home
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DADS adoption
Steve Elbert and Julie Elbert are pictured with their children Sam, Olivia, Isaac, Sadie and Noah.
FAMILY IMPORTANT FOR
a
ADOPTIVE DAD Text by Joanne Fox | Photograph by Jim Lee
ADOPTING WAS A CONSIDERATION when Steve Elbert and his wife Julie were teenage sweethearts. “We started dating when we were seniors in high school and then continued dating in college,” Steve said. “I recall one family gathering we had at my sister’s. My sister’s neighbors had a little boy they adopted from Korea and I think that may have planted the seed for Julie and me.” “When I was growing up, my family knew of families who had done international adoption,” Julie said. “As the middle of five and my husband the youngest of eight, we knew we wanted a large family, not only of our own children, but adoptive children.” The couple married after graduating from Briar Cliff College in 1988 and experienced infertility challenges due to some medical issues, Elbert shared. “We met some neighbors who had adopted a son from Korea and Earl and Kathy Snyder became good friends and we proceeded to follow the route toward becoming an adoptive family,” Steve said. “But it was never a second choice for us,” Julie clarified. “We had always talked about doing it.”
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“Misgivings?” Steve mused. “I hoped I would be a good dad.” The Elberts chose to work with Holt International, one of the more established agencies for international adoption. “The adoptions went very fast,” Steve said. “About nine months,” Julie added. “The agency sent us a picture of the baby and we showed it to everyone, just like a mom does with an ultrasound.” The couple picked son Sam up from the Des Moines, Iowa, airport in the summer of 1993. “He was only 4 1/2 months old,” Steve said. “He has brought us great joy and hope and started our family.” Two years later, Julie came home one day after a visit to the doctor’s office. “I was painting our house on the second level of scaffolding,” Steve reminisced. “She said, ‘Steve, I am pregnant!’ I almost fell off in amazement. Olivia was born in February 1995. Sadie followed in November 1996. Two years later, we adopted Noah from Children’s Home Society of Minnesota and picked him up in the Twin Cities. He was 11 1/2 months
SIOUXLAND LIFE
old and quite a charismatic young man.” The couple experienced a miscarriage in 2005. “Julie had carried the baby the first trimester,” Steve said. “That was a very sad and challenging time for all of our family.” Two years later the couple welcomed another addition. “Isaac came into this world on a wing and a prayer and was born in May 2008,” Steve said. “Julie had to have an emergency C-section. Prior to the procedure, the baby’s heart rate was so high the monitor did not register it. I will never forget the grip the little fella had on my finger only minutes after entering the world.” Steve again stressed how important family is to him as the dad. “I thoroughly enjoy being a father; however, it is not without its challenges,” he said. “I remember some great advice we got from Father Tom Flanagan who married Julie and me: ‘Marriage is hardly ever 50/50. At times, it might be 49/51 at times it might be 10/90 or 75/25. It depends on individual needs and family situations.’ ”
DADS advice
THE BEST ADVICE FROM DADS Text and photographs by Earl Horlyk
Dads are usually quite willing to share some words of wisdom with their kids. Sometimes, the advice is helpful. Sometimes, it’s funny. But, it’s always memorable. That’s why we asked Sioux Cityans of all ages to share the sage sayings of their dads. “Eat well and you will always be healthy. My dad was an Italian immigrant who always appreciated pasta and his Sunday dinners were usually all-day activities. To this day, I eat pretty well and stay pretty healthy. Dad was right.” – TONY STABILE, 86
“My dad was worried when I moved to the United States from Nigeria. Since I was new to this country, he told me I must work harder than anyone in order to be a success. I work hard for my father’s sake and I work hard for me.” – EJIRO AGBORO-IDAHOSA, 43
“Do the right thing and stick up for kids smaller than me.” – CAMERON PIERSON, 10
“My dad told me to always listen to my mother because he wouldn’t always be around. That turned out to be true because he died when I was 12 years old.”
“What you want and what you deserve are two different things. That means you have to work hard, be confident, and take nothing for granted. I wouldn’t be going to the University of Iowa in the fall, studying mechanical engineering, if it wasn’t for my dad.” – K-ANTHONY FLETCHER, 18
– SHERRY FOSTER, 69
“Telling the truth will always keep you out of trouble.”
– BOB LENNON, 73
“When it comes to sports, my dad always tells me that a girl can do anything a boy can do.” – MCKAYLA NARRELL, 7 1/2
“Words are important but actions speak louder.” – KORIE LOWN, 24
“My dad says it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, it’s how you play the game. He says that every time he beats me at Wii.” – JACKSON JOHNSON, 7
“Always save your money, my dad always said. Darn, I wished I would have listened to him.” – JASON BRYAN, 42
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DADS and stress
D O I R E P A R E T N E S D A D N O I T I S N A OF TR
Y L L A R E T I L , Y L L A N O I T O EM
“
You don’t have to be a father to be a father figure. • According to Greta Siebersma, psychiatric nurse and counselor for the Mercy Pathways program at Mercy Medical Center, there isn’t really a typical “dad” in today’s society.
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lly A. Butz
ographs by Do
Text and phot
“THERE’S STEPFATHERS. THERE’S ABSENT fathers. There’s single fathers. There’s stay-at-home fathers. There’s gay fathers,” she said. In some families, she said grandfathers or other male role models may take on the role of a father. What hasn’t changed, she said are the needs of children that are filled by fathers. “If there is a divorce or a death it is really important for children to have those other role models step up, and that’s where grandparents or stepparents sometimes come in,” she said. Brian Damon, a licensed psychotherapist who recently retired from Pathways, said he thinks that the role of the father has changed significantly since the Industrial Revolution. Increasingly, he said, fathers are the primary caretakers in the home taking on the maternal Damon role, as mothers support the family financially. “I think fathers today are more dynamic than they’ve ever been before,” he said. “I think more is
expected of fathers than ever before. The primary responsibilities of a father have really expanded.” The term “super mom” coined years ago, Damon said can be applied to today’s fathers as well, who often care for the children and the home. Fathers, Damon said, can no longer come home after long day at work, eat dinner and slip into an easy chair. “Today fathers are expected to be so much more than that kind of figure,” he said. “They’ve had to find their softer side in order to meet the expectations that are placed on them today.” Damon said he thinks the expectations placed on fathers have increased over the past 60 years due to women infiltrating the workforce. Today moms share the role of or are the family’s sole provider. Damon cared for his family for a period of 17 years beginning in the mid-’90s, while his wife worked. His daughter and two of his daughter-inlaws are also the primary providers in their families. While Damon described being a stay-at-home dad as a “wonderful experience,” he said that role affects
the egos of some men. “Traditionally a male’s ego was all wound up with his job and when he was not able to work anymore for whatever reason, that was a problem,” he said. Damon said he’s seen many men struggling with this same issue at Pathways, asking themselves “Who am I, now that I’m not working?’ “It would almost be like an empty shell that the person would experience,” he said. Those attitudes are changing though, according to Damon, who said we are in a period of transition in regard to the family. Fathers are stereotypically expected to be the strong ones in the family. The provider and protector. Siebersma said it’s important that a child sees their father display a wide range of emotions. “Strong does not necessarily mean that he never cries,” she said. “Strong is having the ability to show your emotions in a proper manner. All of those emotions are just that, natural emotions. How you deal with them is Siebersma what’s important.” The way fathers treat their child’s mother, Siebersma said is very important, because children learn to treat others from those interactions. Today’s fathers, according to Siebersma, are becoming more nurturing. They avoid discipline with angry outbursts and the use of their hands. “All of these things can have such a positive impact on the child and has a lot to do with their outcome – mental health, success in school, socialization, popularity can all be tied to the way they’re treated by their father,” she said. How much time a father spends with his child, Siebersma said is also crucial. “Children spell love T-I-M-E,” she said.
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SIOUXLAND LIFE
June 2013
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SIOUXLAND LIFE
HEALTH testosterone
NO ENERGY?
i
TESTOSTERONE PROBLEMS COULD BE TO BLAME Text by Dolly A. Butz
IF YOU’RE A MAN lacking in energy, low testosterone could be to blame. Dr. David Daniels, medical director of UnityPoint Clinic of Internal Medicine, said testosterone, a hormone produced in the testes that is responsible for the normal growth and Daniels development of the male sex organs, peaks in a male’s 20s and 30s and then continually declines as he ages. In addition to feeling tired, men with hypogonadism or low testosterone may also experience problems with mood, libido and a decrease in bone mass. “A lot of people are tired, fatigued males and females,” Daniels said. “The question is, ‘When is it due to a medical condition like low testosterone?’ They really need to see their doctor to sort all of that out.” Depression and other medical illnesses could “camouflage” low testosterone, according to Daniels, but he said the problem could be properly diagnosed given enough time. Obesity, he said, also effects testosterone values. “If they lose weight, they can improve it,” he said. Daniels said the bottom of a 20- or
30-year-old’s testosterone range is about 300 nanograms per deciliter (ng/ dL), while an 80-year-old man’s low during the day would be around 200 ng/ dL. The upper limits are 1,000 to 1,200 ng/dL. Studies show a small decline in serum total testosterone concentration as a man ages. One study showed a declines of about 100 ng/dL from age 20 to 80. In young men, testosterone levels are highest at 8 a.m. and lowest around 8 p.m. There is little variation during the day in elderly men. Once it’s determined that a man’s testosterone is low for his age, through blood testing, Daniels said the next step is figuring out if it’s caused by the gonads or the hypothalamus or pituitary gland’s failure to function properly. The following testosterone replacement options are available in the United States, according to Daniels: • Testosterone shots are given every two to three weeks. He said they work well and are inexpensive. Side effects, he said are unlikely, but prostate size and function will need to be monitored. • Testosterone patches, he said, also work well. Some skin irritation can be expected. • Testosterone gels (AndroGel, Testim, Fortest and Axiron), which
“A lot of people are tired, fatigued — males and females. The question is, ‘When is it due to a medical condition like low testosterone?’They really need to see their doctor to sort all of that out.”
DR. DAVID DANIELS
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are applied on the body, he said, are the most accepted therapies for low testosterone. Cost may be an issue, as well as transferring the gels to others. A child coming into contact with the substance on a consistent basis could experience virilization or developing male sex characteristics. “I think people could learn in time to do (the shots). They’re cheaper. They’re long-acting,” Daniels said. “The gels are the most expensive, but probably the easiest to self-administer.”
SNAP SHOTS Fundraisers
ARTCETERA ATTENDING ARTCETERA Patrons enjoy a moving art auction as part of ARTcetera 13 at the Sioux City Art Center April 27.
Text by Bruce Miller
More than 200 art enthusiasts attended the Sioux City Art Center’s ARTcetera ’13, a fundraiser which brought 55 artworks to the auction block. Artists included have had works on display at the center, live in the region or have a connection with the upper Midwest. The evening included food, music and socializing as well as the auction. Artists involved are also part of an exhibit featured through July 28.
OUT & ABOUT Photographs Submitted
YOUR PICTURE HERE Have a fundraiser or event that should be featured in this section? Call (712) 293-4234 or e-mail ahynds@siouxcityjournal.com.
Above From left, Mary K. Schenk, Richard Steinbach, Tracy Erlandson and Don Schenk. Right Pokey Jensen, left, and Fern Rocklin enjoy ARTcetera.
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SIOUXLAND LIFE
June 2013
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HEALTH prostate woes
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MEN STRUGGLE WITH DISCUSSING
PROSTATE WOES
m
Text by Dolly A. Butz
Men realize that an enlarged prostate is a problem, but they’re not always willing to discuss it with their doctor, according to Cindy Lewin, a family nurse practitioner at UnityPoint Clinic Family Medicine at Sergeant Bluff. Prostate problems tend to crop up after the age of 50. Uncertainty about treatment options, fear Lewin of cancer and embarrassment, Lewin said, keep them tightlipped. “A lot of men will not talk about it. They’ll be in for something else and they’ll say, ‘Oh, by the way’ or ‘I was wondering about this,’” she said. “They usually do not come in front line for this.” Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia (BPH) or enlargement of the prostate is a common consequence of getting older. The condition results in the formation of large nodules that compress the urethral canal and interfere with urine flow. “They’ll usually have trouble with urination,” Lewin said. “They can’t get a stream started or have trouble stopping
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June 2013
“A lot of men will not talk about it. They’ll be in for something else and they’ll say,‘Oh, by the way’or‘I was wondering about this.’They usually do not come in front line for this.”
CINDY LEWIN Family nurse practitioner
their stream.” Having an enlarged prostate, she cautioned, doesn’t mean that the patient has prostate cancer. Patients with prostate cancer, she said, don’t always have symptoms until the disease is advanced. Erectile dysfunction, swelling, bone pain and fatigue are warning signs. Lewin recommends encouraging your father or grandfather to talk to his doctor when prostate issues arise, because seeking treatment in the form of medications or surgery could ultimately increase his longevity and quality of life.
SIOUXLAND LIFE
“If you have symptoms, the best thing is to get checked by your provider and then to make sure that you come in for an annual prostate exam, usually after age 40,” she said. Surgery, Lewin said, isn’t utilized as often to treat prostate problems as in the past. Radioactive seed implants, a form of internal radiation therapy where seeds are inserted into the prostate gland using ultrasound, can eradicate cancer. Medications, alpha-1 blockers and alpha reductase inhibitors, are available to shrink the prostate in cases of BPH. A drug commonly used to treat erectile dysfunction has also been proven effective, according to Lewin. “Cialis just came with indications recently that it can be used for both,” she said. “You’d have to take it on a daily basis.” Side effects from these medications, Lewin said are usually minor. The most common is dizziness caused by a decrease in blood pressure. “The erectile dysfunction medications are about $12 a pill,” she said. “It’s a little cheaper if you take the daily one. I’d say it’s probably around $200 a month.”
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HEALTH answers to your questions
‘DOC, I’VE GOT A QUESTION …’ answers to your medical questions
I’ve never had so many problems with my eyes as I’ve had this year. They are itchy, heavy and often mattery. Is this different because it’s a bad allergy season or have I got something else? “Allergy eyes” can be very troublesome during this time of year. There is pollen in the air, plants are blooming, grass is growing and farmers are out in the field whipping up dirt. Allergy eyes are typically itchy, they water a lot and they can even burn or look red. The first thing you can do to help is avoid itching and rubbing your eyes. You can also use eye drops to keep moisture in your eyes and flush out allergens. Oral or topical antihistamine drops (examples: Naphcon-A, Visine-A, Opcon-A) can help symptoms along with using cool compresses on eyes. If you can, try to avoid allergens that trigger your allergies and symptoms. If your symptoms do not seem to improve with these suggestions, visit your doctor to make sure you do not have any other eye conditions such as infection or dry eye.
Can I trust blood pressure cuffs in stores? I always seem to be higher than normal when I use them. Blood pressure cuffs in stores and pharmacies should be calibrated correctly, but those machines are one size fits all (and we know everyone is not the same size!). There are specific recommendations for cuff sizes according to your arm size, and if incorrect your blood pressure reading could be off. Another reason your blood pressure might be higher in the store is because you are up and moving. Typically it is best to sit and rest for five minutes before taking your blood pressure. If it is still elevated, then it is time to see your physician to be evaluated for hypertension. What’s the best way to remove a tick? What do you put on the site after you’ve gotten it out? Typically it is best to grab the tick with a tweezers (or your fingers if you have gloves/ paper towel for protection) as close to the skin as possible. Pull straight up gently and firmly using steady pressure. Do not jerk or twist. Do not squeeze, crush or puncture the body of the tick since the body fluids might contain infectious agents. Disinfect the skin thoroughly after removal with rubbing alcohol, iodine or soap and water. After removal of the tick, continue to monitor the
area for signs of rash. If you develop a rash or fever, contact your doctor to be evaluated for Lyme disease. What’s the connection between heart problems and gum disease? I was told this, but I don’t see how they’re related. Gum disease can increase your risk of cardiovascular disease. The exact cause and effect relationship has not been proven, but scientists believe that inflammation caused by gum disease may be responsible for the association. The local infection caused by gum disease can contribute to systemic (whole body) inflammation which can also affect your blood vessels. Bottom line – see your dentist and develop a good routine for healthy teeth and gums.
WHAT KIDS OF HEALTH QUESTIONS DO YOU HAVE? Submit your questions and they may be used in this monthly feature. Write to Siouxland Life at 515 Pavonia St., Sioux City, Iowa 51102.
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MEET THE DOC Dr. Jennifer Haden is a resident physician at the Siouxland Medical Education Foundation, a family medical residency program. She grew up on her family farm in Northwest Iowa where they raised corn, soybeans, hogs and cattle. She earned her undergraduate degree at the University of Iowa and her medical degree from Des Moines University. She and her husband reside near Sioux City.
June 2013
SIOUXLAND LIFE
PARTING SHOT By Bruce Miller
THE TOUGH JOB OF
BEING A DAD
Talking to friends during their brief break between hauling kids to practice, I realized why I’m not a parent. • I don’t have the stamina. • One “early out” or snow day would do me in. Sure, you could always tell the school you were on your way when class was dismissed. But what if you forgot the kid entirely? Would they lock you up and send you to parent rehab? Or would you suddenly be branded a “deadbeat dad”?
t
THE PRESSURE TO MEASURE up would be pretty horrible, too. Do teachers judge you on the basis of the lunches you pack or the clothes your kid wears? If you sent sugary snacks and soft drinks, do they quarantine your child and make him take a list of “acceptable” foods for lunch? If he wears a T-shirt with a funny saying, are you considered the crass comedian? And what about other parents – the ones who wait in long lines in front of the school? Are they mentally calculating the minutes you didn’t spend combing hair, ironing clothes or checking homework? Or are they just labeling you “bad dad” before they scurry off to soccer practice, complete with hearthealthy snacks and hummus? What if you happened to let one of your child’s friends in the house. Would the kid report back to his mom and tell everyone you don’t have a single vegetable in the refrigerator? Would he whine, too, about having to eat over the sink at night or snack after 10? And what if you kept your child up after 11? Would that somehow trip a “red alert” to pediatricians? (Bedtime, you understand, has always been a thing with me. I think you should go to bed when you’re tired.) And homework. Does that
automatically have to go on my “to do” list when what I really want to do is plunk in a chair and watch TV? Those classes, practices and outings. Are they really necessary? Do I have to play basketball with the kid just in case I might have sired the next Michael Jordan? Or can I just let him be as mediocre as me? What about money? And dating? And rules? Are those musts? Do you have to give a child an allowance to teach him the value of a dollar? Or can you buy video games, toys and candy and figure it’s making up for leaving him at school after one of
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those early outs? Several years ago, some country singer made a big deal about “accidentally” swearing in front of his impressionable son. Bull@*%$, I thought. How can you express anger without the beauty of words? Must I run around the house with an airhorn to edit any words that might need to be censored? For me, the only thing that isn’t a problem is religion. I enjoy going to church – I consider it a fresh start to a new week. But what if my child decides to be an atheist or agnostic? Do I have to acknowledge that? Or insist that isn’t an option? Tattoos, cars and music have me flummoxed, too. Do I need to fly into a rage when a CD is cranked up to 9? Or can I join in and push it to 10? What about prom? Must I wash the car in advance, volunteer for every parent committee and stay up late just to make sure everyone’s safe? Or can I kick back, assume “kids will be kids” and remember what fun I had oh-so-many years ago? No doubt, parenting seems tough – even if the kids are good kids. My dad told me it was the toughest job he ever had. And, now, I figure, he’s right. Wisdom, apparently, is one of those things that comes with age.
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Modern History
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