Cover Story

Jennifer Dumke: Finding Strength to Rebuild a Life

with an eating disorder

By Margaret Pennock

Photos by Maggie Sweets Photography

*This article contains information that may be triggering for individuals with an eating disorder.

On the surface, Jennifer Dumke seems like she has it all; a wonderful family with a loving husband and a precious daughter on the brink of becoming a teen, a good career, beauty and intelligence. However, Jenn, as her friends call her, has been fighting an invisible demon for more than twenty years that has nearly destroyed her. A recovering anorexia nervosa survivor, Jenn acknowledges that her eating disorder has caused chaos for her and her loved ones and has come to accept it will likely be a struggle for the rest of her life. But thanks to coping mechanisms such as a focus on fitness, routine counseling and meetings with a trained nutritionist, at least she has a life to live.

Sharing her story and fight has never been easy. Up until recently, it had been somewhat of a secret. “My disease was like my invisible best friend,” she adds. “Although most would argue not a very good one.” After years of struggling, she is finally opening up about the reality of living with an eating disorder. By sharing her experiences, she wants to be an advocate for others to recognize and find the courage to seek help for this destructive disorder.

Growing up, Jenn was a typical girl who struggled with the common issues of a changing body, self-esteem and acceptance. Shooting up to 6 feet tall at a young age didn’t help. “I had some thoughts about how I looked but who doesn’t when they are at that age.”

It wasn’t until she attended college that she found the influence of a “health-minded” roommate who helped her discover the tools to take control over her weight. “It started out innocent and fun. I began eating super healthy and began working out. I also was primarily walking to my classes so I can’t image how much fuel I was burning.” As her weight dropped, she received sincere compliments. But despite the pride she felt having control over her image, she secretly plunged into true darkness with her first experience with anorexia nervosa. It wasn’t long before her friends threatened to call her family, which never materialized. “I still remember standing on a physician’s scale and slowly tapping the lever further and further to the left until it balanced. It felt great standing on that scale and seeing the numbers.” Stepping off was a different story. Weakness, out of breath, dizzy, cold all the time; simple tasks became more difficult but I was determined to stay on course. I was fully addicted and nothing would have made me turn around at that point.”

Following college graduation, Jenn was a full-fledged, but unaware anorexic. It was then that she landed her first job in Sioux Falls where she met her husband Brad. “We began dating and as we got more serious, I inadvertently started to let go of my disorder. My weight slowly restored itself to a normal range and by the time we got married, I was looking very healthy.” This continued for almost ten years until she got pregnant in 2008 with their daughter, Kaydence.

But Jenn not only took her beautiful daughter home from the hospital, she also brought her disease. It was back. “I breastfed for the first few months, ate healthy and took long walks with our dog. The weight literally fell off me. My metabolism was through the roof and I started receiving compliments again. I officially “fell off the wagon” at that point and this was the true beginning of what was to be a fight for my life.”

Initially, Jenn was ecstatic to be able to walk into any store she chose and select the smallest size to slip into. It never registered to her that her plummeting weight was becoming severely unhealthy. But people around her were noticing. “Suddenly, I found myself weighing in at a very low BMI and people began approaching me about my appearance. Random emails from people asking if I was okay, lots of ‘closed door’ discussions with concerned coworkers at Avera, where I worked, and random people approaching me at the fitness center. I ignored them all. I even was asked if I had cancer or if I was ‘doing this on purpose.’ I didn’t know what to say. Even though I was alarmed, there was a part of me that felt like I had accomplished something.”

But reality set in when her body started breaking down physically. “I no longer had a menstrual cycle, my hair began breaking off and thinning out, my fingernails and the tips of my fingers were splitting open from being so dry, my eyes were sunken in and I started to develop fine hair on my body to keep it warm. Strange lumps developed on my legs and I would sleep with an electric blanket on high all night. My daughter was seven years old at the time and luckily didn’t pick up on anything. But my husband feared for my life and said the first thing he would do in the morning is check if I was still breathing. I even made sure to leave the bathroom door unlocked during showers in case I would go down, at least he could get in to help me.”

In the spring of 2016, weighing half her normal body weight, Jenn faced the reality of inpatient treatment. Thanks to the encouragement of her family, friends and coworkers at Avera, she began looking for facilities online. However, she quickly realized the level of care she required exceeded what was available in Sioux Falls so she faced the daunting task of leaving home and was admitted to a facility in Minnesota.

Once in treatment, the real work began. “Even though I was severely underweight, I was put on a refeeding program. This basically meant that I was given very small meals frequently. My body was in starvation mode so it needed to be introduced to nutrients very slowly. I remember being starving the first week and I thought they were trying to kill me.”

Treatment got her back on track and provided tools to better understand her body. “They also put me on a program to get my vital organs working again which was huge considering how long I had been putting my body under extreme conditions. Thankfully I came out with no lasting effects.”

After two months of intense counseling, she returned home. But it was far from a homecoming celebration. Instead, she was left to cope with a very different looking body while dealing with the emotional stress from weeks of inpatient treatment hundreds of miles away. “Things looked very different and I struggled to accept it. I had to face my daughter, family and friends and go back to work. It was too much, too soon. I briefly relapsed and immediately found great comfort.” But after a trip to Florida with my husband and daughter, I realized my disease was like an extra bag that I couldn’t check.” She lugged her “bag” around all week. Exhausted and frustrated, she finally decided it was time to let go for good. Although she returned home free from the baggage she still had a lot of work to do.

“I was trying nearly everything to reset my brain and get back on track, that’s when I decided to attend a boot camp class at my gym. As many may be thinking, not the best idea. But the trainer modified the exercises and I slowly started feeling strength return to my body and my mind became clear.” Four years later, Jenn still regularly attends boot camps and focuses on her nutrition to fuel her muscles rather than the constant state of restriction she once relished being able to conquer. But this type of treatment for those who suffer from eating disorders is not for everybody. “It can be very dangerous, especially if you are not weight restored. And always consult with your counselor or physician before trying anything involving intense activity.”

Although Jenn knows she will always struggle with her eating disorder, she is diligent to create a lifestyle that continues to move her forward. With a blend of love from her family, support from her team at Avera and great friends, she has hope and is committed to helping others along the way and that someday there will be an inpatient treatment center for eating disorders in Sioux Falls. “I feel like the world isn’t made for people who suffer from eating disorders. It’s all about losing weight everywhere you look which is triggering. But I have learned to filter what I need to hear and block out the rest. It can be done but it’s not easy. It’s a struggle,” she adds, when referencing fitness classes where she sometimes needs to listen to her body rather than the trainer or avoiding labels at grocery stores even though the calorie count is virtually impossible to avoid.

Despite it all, she remains on the path to recovery and hopes to help others. “I thank God every day for my health but I know there is a limit. I got by this time, I may not always be that lucky. My hope is to remain keeping things in check, to be the best, healthiest person I can be for myself and my daughter. This is my second chance.” n

“With 20 million women and 10 million men in the United States suffering from a clinically significant eating disorder at some point in their life it’s pretty likely that you will encounter someone who is struggling. Being a friend or loved one of someone who is struggling puts you in a touchy situation of wanting to help but not sure what to do. One of the best things that you can do is privately talk openly and honestly with this person that you suspect is struggling. Provide them with examples of behaviors you are noticing that are concerning to you. Let them know that an eating disorder is treatable and that there is professional help available to guide them through the process of moving into recovery. You may be met with resistance, however know that you have planted a seed. For the person who is struggling it is very scary to give up their eating disorder and learn how to live life on life’s terms. Approach them with love and kindness. Let them know that you are there for them and are available to support them. If the individual that you are concerned about is under the age of 18, a trusted adult needs to be informed quickly about what you suspect is going on.

Be mindful of the fact that you cannot force someone to seek help, make changes for them or change their attitude. This will be their fight for recovery and it is their responsibility, however you can continue to be supportive in a non-confrontational way. As a friend or family member learn as much as she can about eating disorders. There are books, podcasts, blogs, brochures, educational videos as well as professional resources available. Checkout www.NationalEatingDisorders.org for more information.”

– Mary Dressing, LPC-MH, RD, LN Outpatient Therapist/Registered Dietitian Avera Medical Group