Singles & Sex: Guard Your Heart by Deaquelynn Williams

I'm a sucker for romance and I love all things romantic. But as a single woman who's also a Christian I've learned to draw a line and separate romance and sexual fantasies. Why? Because sexual fantasies can often lead to sexual relationships if we allow them to, and I've had my share of giving my body to men only to be brokenhearted and lonely in the end. What glory did God receive in that? None.

Thank God for mind renewal because I now believe everything has its place and sex/sexiness should be reserved for marriage. Wearing revealing clothes, being seductive in your mannerisms, speaking provocatively, etc. should be reserved for your husband only. Doing so before marriage will cause you to attract many men and perhaps even the wrong man in your life.

There is nothing wrong with looking your best - wearing appropriate fitting clothes, smelling good, looking good and feeling good. We're supposed to look pretty and put our best foot forward when it comes to our appearances. However, going over the top only to attract a man can/will send the wrong signal and he may not take you seriously once it's time for you to get to know one another. He may become only visually attracted to your body parts and not necessarily to you.

Single ladies, it is so important that we guard our bodies but also guard our hearts as to not become so insensitive to the Spirit of God that we fail to yield to His leading in our lives. God desires for us to abstain from sexual immorality. Yet, in an over-sexed society is that even possible? Yes, it is! And it is all rooted in guarding our hearts. 1. Guard your heart against all things sexy. - In today's society and media outlets, everything has a sexual undertone. Movies, television shows, commercials, even food is now being called "sexy" or "food porn." Although there are some things we can't avoid altogether, we can control what's in our power. This means, don't watch certain TV shows where you know sex is involved. Stop listening to music that talks about sex. Stop looking at magazines and reading articles that teach you how to please your significant other in the bedroom.

2. Guard your heart against sexual fantasies. - This is one I struggled with guarding the most. As single women we can easily get cause up in sexual fantasies. Reading romance novels and watching romantic TV shows where two people who are in love with one another "make love" for the first time. It seems so right. Why not, they're in love right? Wrong! When we watch or read about such things, it causes us to indulge in sexual fantasies which ultimately leaves us open to mimicking what we read or see on television because we desire to have that same "magic" for ourselves. Then when the first person comes along and we begin to feel as close to him as the couple in the movie or book, we give in. Sexual fantasies lead to sexual escapades.

3. Guard your heart against ungodly advice from others. - I recall as a college student having a conversation with a friend who was in a relationship I really admired. She told me, "If you want to keep a boyfriend, you have to have sex with him." So, when I got a boyfriend just a few short months after that what did I do? I had sex with him. Did we stay together? No. And that began a terrible cycle in my life. Sex should only be reserved for marriage. I don't care how much you like or even love a guy or how committed you are to one another, you should love God more and save your body for the realms or marriage only. If you're not married and having sex, stop! Also, check the people you're getting advice from.

"Run from sexual immorality! 'Every sin a person can commit is outside the body.' On the contrary, the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body." ~1 Corinthians 6:18, HCSB "Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life." ~Proverbs 4:23, HCSB

4. Guard your heart against over romanticizing reality. - Sometimes you know you are not in the best relationship. The guy treats you any kind of way and you accept it for the sake of having someone in your life. So when asked, you over romanticize your relationship or even the idea of being with someone while your reality is in shambles. Not only that, but you will do whatever it takes to keep that person in your life - even have sex. This only makes you accept less than God's best for you. So take your relationships for what they are worth. If you don't feel good about it or the person, then deal with the realty of it and move on. And let me add something too... You have to get to the root of why you desire to be only sexually satisfied. For me, it was a combination of what my friend told me, fleshly desires due to being sexually molested for several years of my life PLUS a desire to feel validated, loved and wanted by the opposite sex. When I successfully dealt with all of these issues, then I was able to overcome the desire for being sexually fulfilled apart from marriage.

Virtuously Yours,

Visit Deaquelynn online at Quelynn Inc.

Deaquelynn~

©2013 Deaquelynn Williams – All Rights Reserved.

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