http://www.skillstation.com/modules/Conflict by sivat kumar

Workplace Playbook II Connect

CONNECT is a system in how to think when communicating in the workplace. It programs you to gain the respect of peers, superiors, and subordinates.

Module 6: Managing Conflict

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Conflict

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Conflict

THE SCOREBOARD CONNECT Pre Game Breakdowns Minimizing The Process Tool Box Managing Conflict Walking On Eggs Common Tasks Playing the Game End Game

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Conflict

CONFLICT In conflict situations, people generally react rather than listen and share their views. Often the worst is imagined about the other party, which does not make the atmosphere better. What usually happens is no sooner a person gets a thought out the other anxiously jumps in with another view. When the parties continue to interrupt, the positions tend to harden. This is demonstrated when children fight. It‟s the same with adults. When both sides continue to resist, it‟s because emotions are in charge, not communications. When there is conflict it‟s vital to understand the other party‟s concerns so you can find a way to deal with them.

“I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself and what I am going to say, and two-thirds about what the other person is going to say.” —Abraham Lincoln— Lincoln‟s remark fits with the philosophy that to encourage harmony and participation, it‟s necessary to let others express themselves 2/3 of the time – paint their picture.

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BLOCKING SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOU

In the game of American football, when a team is on the offensive, the players need to protect whoever is carrying the ball in an effort to gain as much yardage as possible on the way to scoring. To protect the runner or passer, they need to “block” the oncoming defenders from stopping the ball carrier. In the workplace, a person may disagree with you during a discussion and express his or her reasons for doing so. How you handle the disagreement can intensify the differences or begin to create an environment of idea sharing, which can lead to positive results. Blocking requires assertiveness, not aggressiveness, which could damage a relationship. Assertiveness requires clarity, patience, and thoughtfulness in the interest of achieving harmony and cooperation and a win-win result. Some examples of disagreement from others might include: You’re wrong, that’ll do nothing, It’ll never work, I don’t like that idea, etc

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." —Albert Einstein—

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THE BLOCKING PROCESS *

Rephrase the disagreement in the form of a question. It softens the issue and demonstrates you are listening and understand the point.

Wait for response.

Use a reversing question and listen – other person paints.

IT COULD SOUND LIKE THIS: You:

“So, your concern is we might be able to find a better and more economical arrangement, is that it? (Rephrasing)

S/He

“That’s right.”

You

“So what are some things we can do to get closer in our thinking?“ (This reverse can cause the other person to paint a solution to the disagreement, hopefully an acceptable one)

This dialogue sets the stage for bringing the position closer together and improves the conversational environment. If the discussion involves a group, rather than respond directly, reverse to another person. This is in keeping with encouraging others to participate and contribute ideas. It might be as simple as, “What are your thoughts Bart?” or “Who else has a thought on the matter?”

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BLOCKING WITH “WHAT IF” STATEMENTS If there is a clear weakness in the other‟s position: *

Rephrase the other person‟s statement.

Then end it with a “what if” question, which sets up an example for the other person to resolve. It‟s a way of letting others examine their own position without attacking them directly. Tom:

“John, your thought is we fix our old system rather than consider a new one, is that the idea?” (Rephrase)

John:

“Of course.”

Tom:

“I see. Well, what if the new system is more productive and the ROI is more favorable than the cost of maintaining the old one, what might that do for us?”

Notice the „what if‟‟ statement ends with a reversing question. So, rather than sweat out how to respond, you need only sit nice and cozy, listen and reflect on the other person‟s answer to the situation. In addition to the “what if” question helping the person see the flaws in his/her own thinking, it might also reveal a new productive idea.

"To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing." —Elbert Hubbard—

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PLAYING THE GAME YOU:

Bob, let’s work this out. How would you describe our differences? What are the key issues?

BOB;

The way I see it. The thing I am most concerned about is xx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx.

YOU:

Why do you think that is the key problem?

BOB:

Well, because xxxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxxx xx xxxxxxxxxx xx

YOU:

My position on this has been that xxxxxxxx xx xxx xxxxxxxxx. How can we get together in a way that works for everyone?

BOB:

I think we have to xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx xxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xx.

YOU:

I see. What else?

BOB:

We should also xxxxxxxxxxx xxx xx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxx xx.

YOU:

And what else?

BOB:

I think that should do it.

If the other person‟s view is acceptable, with minor differences, go with it. Otherwise, continue with an alternative compromise. YOU:

Okay, as a way of getting closer on this, what if we xxxxxxxxx xx xxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxx. How would that work for you?

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PLAYING THE GAME 2 A Group Disagrees With You Your goal is to keep the group involved. YOU:

Bob, let’s work this issue out. How would you describe the differences we’re having? What are the key issues?

BOB:

The way I see it, the things I am most concerned about are xxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xx xxxxxxxxxxxx.

YOU:

Why do you feel these are the critical issues?

BOB:

Because xxx xx xxxxxxxxxxx xxx xx xxxxxxxxxxx xx xxxx..

YOU:

I see. Well folks, Bob feels the issues are xxx xx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx. Who else has a view about the issues?

JIM:

It seems to me we also need to include xx xxx xxxxxxx xx xx.

YOU:

And why do you think we need to do that?

JIM:

Well, because xxxxxxxxx xxx xx xxxxxxxxxxxxx xx xxxxxx.

YOU:

Jim believes that xxx xx xxxxxxxxxxxx xxx xx xxxxxxxxxx. Who else can help?

JILL:

I don’t know that we really need to focus on XX XXX XXXXX XXXX I don’t see where that’s a major problem for any of us.

YOU:

That’s interesting. Anyone else?

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PLAYING THE GAME 2 A Group Disagrees With You (continued) BOB:

Sounds like we are clear about the issues.

YOU:

Fine. Now what do we do? How do we resolve the matter? (It‟s quiet for a bit. Then ….)

JILL:

I think we have to xxxxxxxxxxxx xx xxx xxxxxxxx xxxxxxx

YOU:

I see. What else? Bob, what are your thoughts?

BOB:

We should also xxx xxxxxxxxx xx xxxxxxxxx xxx xxxxxxxxxx

YOU:

And what else?

JIM:

I think that should do it.

YOU:

No more loose strings? Okay, all those in favor say yes.

These were simple examples to demonstrate the structure of keeping others involved in reaching a solution together.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” —Aristotle—

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PLAYING THE GAME 3 A home office manager had been very critical of the operation of one of the field sales offices. In time, he sent a very formal letter criticizing the operation. The wording in the letter was very harsh. Further, the letter indicated copies to every major senior officer of the company. After reviewing the letter the field office manager felt the criticisms were unfounded but did not want to rely on his own conclusions. He gave the letter to several staff members for their thoughts and they also agreed the content was of no significant use. A letter was sent back to the home office manager, thanking him for his interest and many inputs. The field manager went on to say he would review his thoughts with the entire staff and get their inputs on his views. He closed by saying he would let him know the results of the discussions with the field office employees. He included copies to the same people copied in on the original incoming letter. Rather than resist, he let the manager paint his own picture, the criticisms. Then by letting the team review the criticisms, he gave them the freedom to make decisions about the operation, which was a confidence builder for the team. They became stakeholders. Eventually it was their views that were reported back to the manager. As it turned out during a high level headquarters staff conference, the same manager brought up his criticisms about the field office. The field manager was not there but learned indirectly that a senior officer asked the HO manager why he was focusing on the field office which was functioning far more effectively than most other offices.

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TACKLING YOU DISAGREE WITH OTHERS Now let‟s reverse the situation and discuss what to do when you disagree with others. When defending in football it’s necessary to stop the ball carrier on the opposing team from gaining yards. Of course you need to take care not to draw a penalty for an illegal tackle. Handling differences of opinion insensitively can produce a penalty in the form of eroding a potentially productive relationship. Your objective is to influence a change in a person‟s view. Here is a simple procedure for making a clean tackle. *

Rather than getting personal, connect your disagreement with yourself. “Jack, I’ve got a problem with that” or “I’m concerned about that.”

Then, offer your thought as a candidate solution.

End it with an open question, seeking help or feedback.

IT MIGHT SOUND LIKE: “Jack, I’m having a problem with that because we might face xxxxxxxxx. Here’s another thought to think about. Xxx xx xxxxxxx xxx. How would that fit into what we’re attempting to accomplish?” (reverse)

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TACKLING (continued) REVERSING Use Reversing to keep the person painting the picture, which may cause the person to discover a different view. Secondly, it allows you to fully listen to the other position and reflect on it before continuing.

WHAT IF STATEMENT Another approach when disagreeing is to use „What If” statements just as you did with someone disagreeing with you. It might sound similar to an earlier example: “John, what if the productivity of a new system is greater than our current system. How could that impact our decision?” Again you ended with a question encouraging the person to paint.

"Any person capable of angering you is your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him."   -- Epictetus -Greek Philosopher (55-135 AD)

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DISCIPLINARY SITUATIONS Disciplinary situations refer to breaking the rules of work. Tackling someone in these situations is usually relatively simple. You need only refer to the job description. The description includes the objectives and rules of play. So just ask a picture-painting question, something like: “Where does your action show up in our agreed upon rules?” If the person‟s response is, “It doesn‟t”, it‟s self-incriminating, so the natural picture painting follow up question is something like, “So what do you think should happen next?” or “What do you plan to do now?” You can see using picture painting, the burden of resolving the issue is in the hands of the rule breaker. It‟s possible someone performs a job in a way not specified in the requirements, yet the objectives are attained very nicely. If the requirements do not cover the behavior, the matter can be discussed with the team. If acceptable, adjustments can be made to the job description. If the behavior is unacceptable, the employee needs to express what s/he plans to do next. Point is this type of situation is clear because resolving the issue centers on working with “black and white” information… the job description.

Good timber does not grow strong with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the trees. -- J. Willard Marriott --

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SOMEONE DISAGREES AND THEIR POSITION IS VALID This is easy. Acknowledge the results with enthusiasm. It‟s another opportunity to demonstrate support, build incentive, and improve the process. Don‟t let your ego get in the way.

TIME-OUT Very often when working at resolving conflicts, the discussion will appear to be making no progress. In those cases it may be best to give the person a choice of cooperating or terminating discussions until later. The painting principle still applies. You ask the person what s/he would like to do. The person can press on or end it until another time. YOU:

Sam, we need to come to some agreement, but it seems we’re not making progress. Where do we go from here?

HIM/HER: I don’t know. YOU:

We could get together later. So what do you think?

You can see the burden is on the other person to offer another thought or end the discussion until another time.

"Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy." -- Howard W. Newton --

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Conflict

THE SCOREBOARD CONNECT Pre Game Breakdowns Minimizing The Process Tool Box Managing Conflict Walking On Eggs Common Tasks Playing the Game End Game

What does not kill me, makes me stronger. Friedrich Nietzsche Philosopher (1844 - 1900)

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Conflict

End of Managing Conflict

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