BA Graphic Communication – Professional Skills module CONCISE WRITNG Warm up task Do individually, then discuss at your table. What creates long-winded, flabby writing? Put down five reasons. These need not be limited to aspects of language e.g. writing up to a last-minute deadline, leaving no time for editing, almost invariably produces weaker writing. A. B. C. D. E.
Task 1 – Redundant adverbs and other meaningless modifiers and qualifiers Example sentence: ‘Queen Victoria formally opened Parliament in 1852.’ Consider: would a queen informally open Parliament? The occasion, and the presence of the Queen, guarantees formality! ‘Formally’, the adverb, should go. Circle any redundant descriptive words in the following sentences (many offenders are adjectives and adverbs). Then, be brave: rewrite the sentences, eliminating the redundant words, but keep the meaning. 1A.
The chainsaw act from Cirque du Soleil was incredible – and extremely convincing to most of the audience.
1B.
Macbeth is definitely a tragic hero.
1C.
Compared to the force of her character, Lady Macbeth’s death is pathetically weak.
1D.
The business is in a meltdown situation.
1E.
The line extended all the way across the page, literally cutting it in half. UWIC Academic Skills team, November 2009
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1F.
John Major was completely and utterly defeated in 1997.
Task 2 – Tautology and stating the obvious Tautology is another form of redundancy, but this time meaning is repeated. Examples are: a round circle, a dead corpse. Stating the obvious is where you give the reader information which can be inferred e.g. The CEO is the most important person in the company. Circle the tautologies and statements of the obvious below, then rewrite if you can. 2A.
Throughout the whole exhibition ...
2B.
The final incident with which the film ends ...
2C.
These factors combined together produce ...
2D.
Gilt frames are now considered an unnecessary frippery ...
2E.
Friedrich’s silhouette technique was quite unique ...
2F.
Examining the whys and wherefores shows that ...
2G.
Falstaff was the last opera by the composer Verdi.
2H.
The background was blue in colour.
2I.
Children’s playgrounds are now few in number.
If you have time, write a tautology of your own to tease the group.
Task 3 – Unnecessary complexity Do not choose the long way round! Examples: You do not have to be a genius to learn the saxophone. Rewrite as: You need not be a genius to learn the saxophone. Review the sentences below: each contains a wordy phrase which can be reduced to one word, usually a verb. UWIC Academic Skills team, November 2009
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3A.
The Vice Chancellor managed to convince his staff to work an additional day each month.
3B.
Advertisers succeeded in creating a sophisticated image of smokers.
3C.
In the event that full speech sense disambiguation is achieved, computers will talk to us.
3D.
We are now in a position to offer you a position paid in excess of £30,000.
3E.
In view of the fact that we are facing a cutback of 2%, we are declaring a ban on overtime.
3F.
Access to exercise facilities promotes a general level of satisfaction amongst staff.
Task 4 – Leaden lead-ins, clunky connections, ‘that’ Look at all these openings of sentences: It is interesting to note that ... It is worthy of note that ... In view of the fact that ... There is no question that ...
It may perhaps be said that ... We can safely say that ... From certain points of view ... On the one hand ... and on the other
Avoid starting sentences with ‘It’ or ‘There’. Existential openings (yes, that’s what they are called) invite clumsy relative clauses starting with ‘that’. The focus of the sentence shifts away from the content and onto the waffly opening. Compare these two sentences: In view of the fact that standards of classroom behaviour are improving, it is interesting to note that teachers cite bad behaviour more and more as their reason for leaving the profession. Poor discipline is increasingly teachers’ cited reason for resigning, despite improvements in classroom behaviour. Exercise: Write a sentence using one of the openings above. Then rewrite: avoiding starting with ‘It’ or ‘There’, avoid’ that’.
Sentence:
Rewrite: UWIC Academic Skills team, November 2009
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Task 5 – Clichés; meaningless expressions; euphemism People use clichés because they are easy. They fill in awkward space, especially in conversation. Once they were interesting because they were new. Who now knows the clichéd description of a weak person – wimp – was once a physics acronym meaning ‘weakly interactive massive particle’? Wimp is listed in many contemporary dictionaries as a verb, too. In writing, cliché is a menace, along with meaningless similes and euphemism. Beware of all as ... as structures e.g. ‘as green as grass’. Stay away from euphemistic expressions, unless you are including them for deliberate effect, e.g. ‘strategic labour resource’ could be an ironic way to refer to the unemployed, and my all time favourite euphemism, ‘negative patient outcome’ i.e. death, was used in the NHS without any irony whatsoever. All professions generate jargon and clichés, and education is no exception: e.g. everyone, at the moment, seems ‘challenged’ by something. Be aware of your own professional clichés, and try to avoid them. Write here your five most hated clichés or meaningless expressions. Discuss with your table and agree the worst one you have found. 5A
5B
5C
5D
5E
Task 6 – Fake formalism and fake conclusions Thus in conclusion we may safely say that ... That is why ... ‘Thus, so, therefore, in conclusion, that is why’: these are word-grenades. You pull the pin by writing them, and they go off in your reader’s head as the natural inclination is to say ‘Thus what?’ ‘Can I remember what reasons were given?’ These ‘justifying’ and very formal words are crutches for insecurity: a good concluding statement is strong enough to stand on its own. NEVER say ‘in conclusion’ when it’s clearly the last page of a piece: this is brazenly stating the obvious. Writing which does not draw firm conclusions – or is too afraid to – is weak and non-progressive. Always give your reader a definite sense of ending a point before moving on. Look at the writing extract you have brought along. Analyse any concluding statements. Are they justified in the light of what has gone before? Do you need to add a statement? Now is your last chance!
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Task 7 – Now you With the group on your table, edit the samples of writing you have brought along. Use all the techniques above to reduce the word count where possible. Aim for a 25% reduction overall on each sample.
Flab avoidance tips 1. Think in whole sentences: don’t tinker away on the keyboard just hoping your sentence will finish itself. Tinkering is an invitation to produce rambling multiple clause sentences, sentence fragments, comma splices, or other horrors. If you can’t roll off a whole sentence, try to come up with the content words before the structure. 2. Write argumentatively, not descriptively. If you need to impart large amounts of static information to your reader, consider seriously why you have to waste hundreds of valuable words doing so in your text. Could you refer your reader to a reference text? A chronology table? An appendix maybe? Are you even insulting your reader’s intelligence by this ‘filling in’? 3. Start strongly: avoid introductory phrases and expressions. Start with a verb or the subject instead. Any sentences starting with ‘These’, ‘There are’, or ‘It’ should be highlighted for future editing. 4. If you can’t improve on a cliché or meaningless expression, at least underline it. When you do have time to edit, you will have alerted yourself that this needs attention. 5. Use a colour system to highlight text e.g. green for text that must stay, blue for text that needs changing etc. Especially in a long text such as a dissertation, use colour to highlight topic sentences and any important points in the argument. Then ask what the text in between is contributing. 6. Search for adverbs – ‘ly’ words i.e. adverbs. Ask what they are contributing to meaning. Boot them out if they contribute little or nothing. 7. When writing Powerpoint slides stick with a maximum of seven words per line and three to five points per slide. 8. Deliberately set tight word limits for sections. Tell yourself ‘I will write this paragraph in 150 words. Ruthlessly edit before adding new material. 9. Apply the ‘that’ test. Again, search for instances. Many ‘that’ relative clauses can be translated into simple adjectives e.g. The charity that works with children = The children’s charity. 10. When you are working on a long piece e.g. extended essay, dissertation, you are taxing your memory to keep a map of the whole piece ‘in your head’. For each section, or stage in the argument, write a statement for yourself: ‘I want this section to achieve ...’ and then set out its goals. Use the three column technique for each section:
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Point One item only here
Evidence What you need to prove it, and references. Two or three items here.
Examples Where your point is proved. Several items here, and references if needed
When you have finished writing, go back and check that all your notes are included, but no more. This device limits you to pushing forward your argument, and actually prevents you getting stuck in static description. 11. OK, we said ten points, and here’s number 11. That’s part of the point; make sure your intentions add up. If you announce there will be three points, make sure there are three, not two or four. 12. We had to make it a full dozen. Conduct an analysis of your own writing. Write down the sentence openings for a page or two. Can you spot a pattern? Inevitably, you will repeat certain structures – this is your style fingerprint – but try some deliberate variation.
Three good books Chapman, P and Stott, R (2001) Grammar and Writing Harlow: Pearson Education Analytical and practice text devoted to understanding sentence structure and how it impacts on writing. For real language and literature aficionados, this rewarding book sources many examples from literature. There’s an excellent ‘troubleshooting’ guide at the end on the twelve commonest grammar problems, plus revision and practice of punctuation. Unfortunately there is no key or suggestions for the exercises. Kehrwald Cook, C (1985) Line by Line: how to improve your own writing Boston: MLA Newspaper editing approach is ruthless and effective! Read the chapter ‘Loose Baggy Sentences’ to be shamed into taking responsibility for our foolish choices. Some of the examples are hilarious. Palmer, R. (1993) Write in Style London: Routledge Chapter 7 “Fight the flab” is a significant source for the ‘diet’ exercises above. UWIC library owns this as an e-book. Worth buying, as are all the books on this list.
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