Journey To Be Forgotten The Quest for Understanding. By Samir Khan
Published in 2012 By Samir Khan P.O. Box 12545, 00400 Nairobi, Kenya Samir Khan Š2012 ISBN - 13 : 978-9966-69-400-3 All rights reserved; No part of this publication may be Reproduced in any form or by any means electronic, Mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise Without the prior written permission of the publisher. For information or permission contact Samir Khan E-mail: sk5sami@gmail.com Photography: www.be.net/sk5sami Printed in Nairobi, Kenya
Contents Life Memories Wish You Well Random thoughts new piece To Be Forever Yours Lost Standing Journey to be Forgotten Hidden within Dreams Craving Silence Uncertain Steps Back in Time Emotional Words Illusions Words And Chains Ghost... Better Future.... Falling Angels... Lost Within Moment of Time Who Am I Prisoner to My Creativity Hearts Beating as One Anybody Out There ‌ They say life goes ‌. Wishes Beautiful
Rain and Teardrops.... Rain On My Lips.... In Between the Sheets... Breathe in Sweetness Minds Little Ones... Thoughts Wishing for Raindrops Letter to my Unborn Child.. Invisible Nothing But My Past.... Lost Beauty‌. Random Thoughts
Journey To Be Forgotten, The Quest For Understanding..... This is a book about me trying to find myself From the world ... and try to understand my thought.... And allow the world to judge my random thoughts As I mold myself into Me....
Life ... Why did you try to lie to me.... That I will amount to nothing.... If I follow my own footprints.... Living my own life ... Care for nothing but the beauty... That waits for me to find... Dreams that comes true... Every time I close my eyes... I’ve amounted into dreams .... Reality waiting for its time to shine..... Thank you life for your beautiful lie... For I stand tall within my own shadow... And not your....
Memories.... Holding back my tear...
Afraid to let them go... Playing memories of Her... Over and over in my head.... Wishing She was still here... As I slowly lose myself... Trying to understand... Who am I supposed to be.... Who is to catch me when I fall... Wanting to break .... But can’t ... Need to keep moving.... And make Her Proud.... Will Forever Love You Mum... Miss You Always...
Wish You Well .... Wishing you well... May you become all you are meant to be... For the first time I realized that You meant a lot to me than I thought.... For I felt my world spin When you asked me to set you free.... I can never stand in your way to happiness.... If you believe you happiness Lies somewhere else other than with me.... I shall let you go .... And will also bless your every step.... Wishing you success in everything you do.... Praying that you get everything you deserve.... And no one shall try and do you wrong... May the one you find happiness With truly make you happy..... But know this I will respect you forever No matter what happen I’ll always Love you And there will always be A special place for you in my heart.... No matter who you are to me I’ll always try to be there for you Live a blessed life.... Beautiful....
Random Thoughts Wish I knew what My mind is planning for me For My world is crumbling... Evolving... Leaving me craving... My every moment with you... Rather than being on Top of the World... I’ll always create a new Me... Every time I fall... Rising up stronger than before.... But never sure of my next step....
To Be Forever Yours Wondering about the day...
I will sign my life away To her beauty... Of Her Heart, Mind and Soul... And be hers forever.... But till that day.... I’ll cherish every stolen moment Spent together... Letting my heart hold its breath... Every time we are apart..... Lost craving two heart beating as one....
LOST Standing.... I can’t and will never walk away... No matter what you put me through .... Don’t know who you are to me anymore ... For I’ve never been this crazy about anyone before... Feeling love for the first time... Coz your are better than a best-friend can be .... Closer to me more than a girlfriend could be... Touched my heart in a way Angels could never ...
Journey to be Forgotten… Who am I to be…
If the one I loved… Decides to forget me… Leaving me… Craving for hidden emotion…. Lost within thoughts… Walking on a path to misery… The world better prepare… For when I crave… A death wish… Spinning around… Fearing my next step…. To begin… My Journey to be Forgotten…. Planning the death… Of my own creation… Leaving traces of dreams …. Scratched in the dust…
Hidden within Dreams Can my eyes remain closed ...
Only to open to a beautiful sunrise... As life torments me‌ Play with my soul.... Denying the beauty of her smile... Spinning out of control.... Needing to crash ... Only into her arms... Hidden within dreams... When she smiles Heart breaks .... With every blessing of a sunrise... That hides within her smile... My life needs to be ... Questioned
Craving Silence My eyes heavy with sleep....
Deaths cousin keeps calling ... Mind refuses to go silent... Fearing it may not get to see Her again.... Craving always the sound of Her heartbeat... The world keeps denying me to hear... Only hearing Her beautiful voice... Gets to set my mind free....
If I let you ….
You shall forget about me… The same way when I let my dreams breathe… Or my heart to break… My every step makes me into the one I am to be … The Beautiful Illusion I create…
Uncertain Steps Watching my tears fall... Staring at a cloudy future.... Never understanding my next word... Craving for a smile every second ... Suffering hazy visions and broken hearts... Gravity robbing me blind... Crumbling under my every decision.... Not sure of my choices... As every idea burns into history... To be forgotten...
Back in Time Can I go back to who I was ....
Loosing my self on paper.... Hidden behind a camera... A nobody within everyone’s eyes.... Watching silent screams be written... As torment continues.... Keeping me awake.... Teary sleepy eyed... Lost within ... With her holding the key... To my emotional freedom... Needing to let go... And forgive ... Be born a new... As time refuses to turn back.... And the world want to But can’t forget... Just allowing me.... To dwell within my mind... My Own creation of guilt... Lost within confusion... Not sure of who... I Am meant to be... Intertwined in a memory... Dreaming of the past... Doubting my own choices... Fearing my next word... Craving for hers... Loving their smile... Silently letting my tears fall within...
Emotional Words She holds the key to emotions… Trapping me within her smile… Tormenting me with distance… Reading another words…. Craving the sound of her voice Trying to create words... As beautiful as hers…
Memories Fading in and out...
Hearing silent voices ... Standing on the tips of my toes... Forever tormented by her smile.... Just about to be stolen from Her... Balancing On the Edge of ... What shall happen as I open my eyes... Fear Taking steps forward ... Need to stop being afraid ... Enjoying the confusion of reality... Trying to understand the Truth...
Wanting to loose myself Entwined within my every thought As she dances in my every word Between my every line Slowly tormenting me With my every phrase As I wonder when Shall I understand The words That escapes my lips
Illusions
Tired of living in this crazy illusion … That people try to create me to be a part of …. Painting a scene of escape, bondage, abandonment… Loss of hope… Creating my own illusion Waiting to find out who shall follow me … And who choose to walk away… My journey is mine to live… All I need is a bit of guidance… From those who mean well for me ….
Ones Mistakes…
Choices… Decision … Regrets … Successes… Downfall… Are his and his alone… Its what makes Him …. HIM …. Live your own life… Not the illusion people in vision for you to live … You have everything to loose … When you follow someone Else’s dreams and Illusions… Live your life for no one but yourself. Be happy … Walking your own path… Following your own dreams… The Future waits for you to create…
Words And Chains
I shall always be a prisoner …
Chained within lyrical vines … Created from my own words… Weaved among Dreams… Craving a simple beat…. Waiting for emotions to speak…
Ghost... Better Future.... Sometimes it seems like I Am...
A ghost to my own dreams…. Hiding within shadows … Creating illusions…. Fearing to allow understanding … Knowing my heart beats Not for me… But for my next step…. Hoping steps are understood and remembered Not ignored and forgotten…. Within illusion of chains of imprisonment….
Falling Angels... Sometime Angels need to fall….
When they are not needed…. So they can walk among us … Trying to understand problem…. We let ourselves fall into… And find solutions…. Waiting till next time they are needed to fly…
Lost Within Moment of Time Listening to some beautiful Jazz music… Wishing to be walking within inspirations teardrops… Craving my heart lullaby… Dreaming about the future…. Hiding among shadows of my own creation… Loving life … But Missing … Beauty that brought me in to this world…
Need to find my heart beat…
Craving for a whisper …. Dreaming of illusions …. Hiding within shadows that don’t exist … Making shallow excuses to keep from falling … Waiting for my next step to find ground…..
Burnout is needed and soon…
Inspiration remains missing … Beautiful smiles nowhere to be found … Sweet whispers no longer heard … Heart craving for silence to be broken …
Who Am I Sometimes I wonder …
Who am I… Coz to everyone… I’m not the same person… Due to the fact that they... Come to me as different individuals .. With different characters... Requiring me to be a fraction of my true self…. That they need to see at that time… For I’ve been a Poet, Friend, Best Friend, Boyfriend, Photographer, Joker, the Lost Soul… Sometime I Am the Adviser, Psychologist, Philosopher, Relationship Expert, the Perfectionist… and the list goes on and on… But Question … Who Am I Really?? And if one of these personality goes missing… Do I remain to be Me?? Or do I just evolve in a more confusing And interesting human being… Coz it seems like I’m more than one person… All rolled up in to one person… That I’ve allowed the world to mold me into…. The one that seems to have almost all the answers… But not to the Question I Ask...
...... If the world knew everything about me …
It would be surprised….. ;-)… That why it only knows fractions of it… For I’ve become some sort of and illusionist… You see what I want you to see…. Different sides of me when you are meant to see it …. Coz I’m one person that does what I want, When I want to do it…. Coz its my life and I don’t need you to be judging me … Coz its me…. Wishing there was something to do .... Than I wish I Did... Freedom to my own design….
Prisoner to My Creativity Losing myself within the shadows of my soul…
Waiting for my sunshine.. My inspiration… Craving to be found in between the words from Her soul.. Intertwined with every word… Held prisoner to my own creativity…
Hearts Beating as One … Longing for the time we shall meet…
As dreams wait for their turn to run… Remaining within shadows … Capturing moments. No longer understanding... The sound of my own heart beat … For dreams are the product of the tune my heart Keeps sings...
Anybody Out There … Need to be saved …
Slowly losing my mind … Dreaming about life… Waiting for my little one … Craving for my future…. Wanting to be loved …
My world crumbles only when I want it to …. Dreams exist if believed in… Time freezes when it needs to… Memories live on forever ….
Wondering how my heartbeat shall sing…. Craving the sound of her voice echoing within the wind …. Breaking shadows of chains that hold me slave To thoughts… Dreaming of ideas that remain forgotten…. Allowing taste bud to swim.. In rivers of Words …. Teasing eardrums with beautiful sounds….
Life goes on …. They say life goes on... But I want to sit here … And live with in a memory… For my heart is at peace... Every time I think of Her …. I can’t sit here any longer …. I need to move on … Slowly dragging me feet... Stepping out of my shadow… Holding my memories close ….
Wishes
If wishes were rain drops...
I could get a wish…. With every raindrop… That falls in the ocean … I’d always wish… With every wish… To be back in your arms… Feeling the warmth of your smile… Hearing the beautiful lullaby… Your heart plays for me … Stealing my sight form the world … Rocking me to sleep… But rain drops are not wishes .. But I’ll treasure every memory… Enjoy every tear…. Love you always … Asked you to guide my every step…. Loving you always and forever… Missing you Mum…
Praying for a single tear from your eyes … Cause I’m slowly forgetting the sight of your smile… Standing in the rain... Asking the cloud to... Hit me only one drop… In the midst of a thunderstorm….
Beautiful If dream are meant to be beautiful.. Can I dream of you… Because my heart enjoys… Dancing to the tune.. Escaping your lips…. Of lovely words… About your dreams… Leaving tears in my eyes… Wishing such word… Were mine alone to hear…
Loving the way life plays games with me… Dreaming of ways to inspire…. Hearts to create beautiful words…. Stepping within shadows …. Reaching towards hope….. Searching for smiles …. Hiding in plain sight….
I Miss you …
But I don’t Need you …. Will Never Hate…. But always love you….
Hearing the pounding of hearts echo….
Fearing the disorganization my life has taken… Waiting for shadows to find me …. And take me back…. Need to hear another heart beat … B’coz mine no longer seem to make any sense…. Speaking random thoughts…. That take time to be understood…. Listening to beautiful music … That I don’t understand…. But my heart seems to be at peace Within every note … Slowly calming down… Speaking words … Trapping me within Beautiful harmony…. Feels like I’m slowly shattering …. Words fading before my lips can steal… Heart learning never to beat…. Skin craving a simple touch… Lost within my own mind…..
I’m done… Can’t stand … Waiting to hear … The sound of my own heart breaking… Dreaming about noting but my next step… That lies forgotten…. In trails of teardrops... I’m done listening…. Listen to your heartbeat.... The beat drives me crazy…. Holding onto tear that don’t want to let go…. Telling me of stories…. Reminding me of... Thought you inspired… Craving darkness …. Watching tears fall in silence…
Rain and Teardrops.... Thinking about beautiful words…. Enjoying the sweet cries of teardrops falling… As crowds of tears rise up in my eyes…. Freedom fighters of my heart…. Prisoners to my mind…. Trying to welcome… Raindrops you send … Reminding me of your love… Sending me blessing, hopes and dreams …. Allowing heart to speak… Granting lips courage to set words free… Thoughts of you allow me to create….
Thanks for the Teardrops….
Your hidden blessing … Missing Her Always …. Loving Her Forever… Thinking about Her Always…. No matter how much time passes …. I’ll Miss And Love You even more… Miss You Mum….
Watching raindrops …. Wondering if tears fall freely … Craving moments long forgotten… Hearts beat slowly … Waiting for a whispers … Mind acts like a prisoner … Hidden within every word… Hearts speak….
Rain On My Lips.... Begging my heart To speak me hurricanes… Hurricanes of words … Slowly weaving … Lyrical vines … Setting mind into prisoners… Allowing hearts to speak…. Slowly writing stories on each others soul…. Leaving Her wanting…. Craving to engrave… Her name upon my heart…. She Moves closer … Sending me kisses … Hidden within every word she whispered…..
In Between the Sheets... Fighting in between the sheets …. Waiting for my heart beat to slow down.. Craving the next beautiful word that hang from her lips …. Waiting for the words to fall … Leaving the blood running in my veins boiling … With passion for her touch… Teasing me with a single finger … Mimicking movement of a pen ... Slowly whispering words .. Inter mixed with little nibbles at my ear… Craving my hand... Running along her curves... As we crave a deeper harder touch … She reaches down for me …. Begging to feel me deep in her … Craving the sound of little feet …. Words running... Creating their own ... Version of Beautiful Chaos Brought in to this world by Her and Me….
Breathe in sweetness Afraid to breathe …. Craving a sweet words to escape Her lips… Allowing my heart to beat… Putting me to sleep… Cradled among sheets of petals… Made of the very words She spoke….
Minds Little Ones... Who shall you bless…. Coz I don’t understand my own mind anymore … Just sitting back dreaming… Trying to image… About beautiful moments…. Holding your hand… Helping you to stand…. Feeling your heartbeat … Racing within your every touch…. Opening eyes waiting to discover beauty… Life wait to show… Enjoying the sound of sweet cries…. Escaping soft lips … Breaking silence… Craving for me to be by your side… Thoughts Its interesting how Everyone pays attention To what is in there face But never the things that lie In the shadow waiting To pounce on you As you take a wrong step…. Its amazing how stereo-type everyone is That as soon as a certain Day or time they just start doing the same things
Wishing for Raindrops
Wishing raindrops could fall
Washing my dreams into reality Slowly trying to remind me of day that have passed… Craving memories slowly dying…
Letter to my Unborn Child..
Dear Little one …
Wishing you to be born into a world full of dreams…. For dreams makes life worth living … For I’m dreaming … for your success …. Turning every dream into reality… Turning my wishes into your hope… Dreaming about your mother… Wondering who’s womb you shall bless… Craving for the sight of your beautiful eyes…. Sound of your heart beating… And the sweet melody of your voice…. Breaking the silence …. Craving for attention…
Hiding with in shadow…. Waiting for My Heartbeat to be heard… Slowly crying for a breathe of fresh air .. Dreaming of an illusion… Craving for a smile… Slowly trying to be forgotten....
Following invisible footprints…. Craving to be forgotten… Living within imagination … Fulfilling my own dream… To my satisfaction… Hiding in shadow that I create…. Setting myself free … Among inspiration… Of random thought….. Loosing each step…. Letting go of essence…. That keep me breathing ...
Invisible
Me Invisible ...
A beautiful dream.... One of the feeling I wish I could be all the time … Able to engrave memories into history Of beautiful moments .. Captured through the lens… Yet no one pays attention to me…. But admire what I capture, create and set free… Do thing other… Think as impossible…. Offering chances to do the same …. Without changing who I am meant to be…. A free spirit….
....
Dreaming about being invisible….
Wondering how life shall be … Walking around among all who know me …. And hearing what they have to say about me …. Things they were afraid to say… Want to be walking around in my own shadow … Of my own achievement towering above me… The most beautiful thing in the world is being invisible…
....
Thinking about Her every time I breathe….
Lost within idle thought… Craving for madness to take me into her arm … And keep my ideas alive… Praying of another heartbeat… Yet the heart … Screams No….
Nothing But My Past....
Living within a shadow of a time once so full of life …
Wishing I could return back to the time I was evolving …. Searching for beauty….. Beauty that is found where love hide…. Waiting to be discovered….
Lost Beauty….
Wishing I could go back in time
And remember the way I started expressing myself … How did everything start and was everything mean to be … Just like something beautiful growing from the concrete … Lost thought shall allow me to be me … Hidden within shadows… Trying to keep my ego at bay…. Hiding entwined in an illusion of myself... A part of me that doesn’t exist … I move around looking for my emotions … Don’t remember where I left them … Hidden where my emotions should be… Dreaming about a world... Where everyone follows his/her own dreams….
Random Thoughts.... Lyrical vines hidden…
Within my tear trails…. Of words trying to create rhyme… Rhymes planning riots… Needing to over throw.... The minds government…. Creativity need to be in control… For me to feel free....
Foot print slowly fading… Heart beat create new Illusion… Words crave attention… Breath taking smiles wait to be set free… Beautiful days are yours to make….
Mind cries for sleep… Heart beats like crazy… Words begin to rattle bars… Rhymes plan riots… Hope hides within shadows…