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It’s not easy…
but you CAN lose weight! We want to believe that weight loss and dieting is easy, it’s not. After years of misery, of secret eating sessions followed by disillusion and shame, Dr. Bernadette Rock explains how she realised the crucial step to losing weight was completely changing her relationship with food.
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Sláinte
I was never that overweight, but I forever wanted to lose 14lbs, and what an uphill battle it proved to be. The bathroom scales were my enemy. Whenever the needle didn’t move in the right direction, it was my cue to eat more. If I did lose a pound, I felt good and restricted my eating… starting to graze again later that evening. It was all-or-nothing. I was happy when I was in control, but eating all around me when I felt stressed or under pressure. Then the shame would set in, and misery the following day. Every evening, every Monday, every month and every New Year I promised myself I would start being good.
Eating to avoid reality
I inhaled food without really tasting it, and often didn’t really like the overly sugary taste of the cake I was scoffing. Eating was about stuffing down anxieties, stress, even boredom. Food and my weight were my full-time preoccupation – what I was eating, when I would eat next, how I could eat in secret, and how I would compensate (punish myself). A friend once told me: “I never see you eating. Even when we go for lunch, you don’t eat very much”. I realised most of my eating was done when no one was looking. I ate normally around other people, but wolfed down food when by myself. I felt like a cheat and a fraud, guilty and out of control. When I was 28 years-old, I had a baby girl. For her first six months, Keela was colicky and cried for hours on end. I was an emotional wreck – not just adjusting to life as a new mother, but also coming to terms with the break-up of my marriage. To top it all off, I was also trying to complete my PhD. I had a myriad of reasons to dive into the biscuit tin for some instantaneous comfort and escape, but life had
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reached a turning point. I decided I couldn’t live like that any longer. I was also motivated by my beautiful daughter. The thought of her adopting my unhealthy relationship with food horrified me. She deserved better and, I decided, so did I. I enjoyed caring for my daughter, but I was not caring for myself.
Overcoming your barriers
Motivated by my own experiences and my studies in sociology, I developed a programme called Heyday that helps men and women develop a healthy relationship with food. Diets and deprivation can perpetuate weight and food difficulties. People need to be empowered to address the habits, emotions and situations that lead to unhealthy eating. I help people understand and make sense of their eating, and find ways to meet their needs that does not involve a packet of biscuits. Eating is a powerful way to find temporary relief from many of life’s challenges. I’ve often asked my clients what they would have to feel if they did not binge or overeat. The most common answer is: “I’d have nothing to look forward to.” Andrew, a 35-year old client, revealed his new insight: “I remind myself that eating a slice of cake will change nothing,” he says. “It might distract me for a few moments, but it won’t change anything or make me feel better in the long-run. So maybe I’m better off dealing with whatever is in front of me now”. Food used to be my way of disconnecting from reality, of checking out when I felt bored or anxious. Now I’m awake, focusing on being fully alive, present, and engaged, connected in every area of my life. And as for those 14 lbs… they’re long gone!
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Take the first steps • Power of Pause – before reaching for food, pause and ask yourself: “Am I hungry? Is eating the best way to care for myself right now”. By pausing, you can make more mindful and conscious decisions around eating and food. • Distinguish between stomach hunger and mind hunger – before you eat ask yourself: “Is this stomach hunger that I’m feeling or mind hunger”? Food cannot satisfy mind hunger such as stress or boredom.
About Heyday The Heyday program is available online, or through workshops and one-to-one meetings in Medfit Proactive Healthcare, Blackrock, Dublin. Email hello@heydayworld.com or visit www.heydayworld.com and www.facebook.com/heydayworld
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