Slidell Magazine, January 2021 by Slidell Magazine

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Vol. 123 January 2021

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Editor’s Letter Two things keep coming to mind as I write this Editor’s Letter: 1.) 2020 is over. 2.) Attitude is everything. The magazine’s motto that appears on every cover, “Keep It Fresh, Keep It Positive,” is more than a philosophy. It’s a mandate that I require of my writers and myself, and it’s a pledge I make to you, our readers. If you’re looking for the latest scandals or the hard-hitting headlines, you’ll have to find them elsewere. I want Slidell Magazine to be a respite from all that. I feel bad for the newspapers and TV stations that have to cover all of the horrors happening around us. I’m fortunate that I don’t have to. I want to give you a few minutes or hours of great stories; to forget about the craziness in the world, if only for a bit. Before print each month, I do a word search throughout the magazine. I search for negative words that end with “n’t” like “couldn’t,” “shouldn’t,” “can’t” or “won’t;” words like “not” or “no” and “never.” I try to edit the text to avoid those words while maintaining the integrity of the story.

Kendra Maness Editor / Publisher For years, I have deleted, edited, and run around the simple word “Katrina” because of all the negativity associated with it. Heck, I deleted it from the history story you’ll read in the following pages, “...Mrs. Anita Breisacher kept an extensive collection of SLT playbills, which were destroyed by Hurricane Katrina...” However, I kept it in this month’s Storyteller, “...before Hurricane Katrina, an event from which everything is dated, pre or post.” The Storyteller is right, we all do it. Now, there’s 2020. The whole dang year has a negative connotation. How do you edit that? I don’t have any profound words of wisdom; I wish I did. But, I do have a quick story: I had a friend who lived in a terrible home environment for years. He told me that, every morning, he sang “Zippity-do-dah” as loud as he could, staring at himself in the mirror, while brushing his teeth. “It’s a great way to start my day. It’s impossible to do anything other than smile. Try it, you’ll see.” I did. It works. “Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay, My, oh my, what a wonderful day. Plenty of sunshine headin’ my way, Zip-a-dee-doo-dah, Zip-a-dee-ay.” 2020 is over. Attitude is everything.

COVER: “LET’S PUT 2020 TO BED”

MAGAZINE STAFF Kendra Maness Editor / Publisher Editor@slidellmag.com

Michael Bell Graphic Designer Graphics@slidellmag.com

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS John Case “The Storyteller”

Ted Lewis Slidell History

Leslie Gates Crimmi-Mommly Insane

Jeff Perret, DVM Pet Points

Mike Rich Making Cents of Your Money

Ronda M. Gabb Legal-Ease

Donna Bush Stories Through My Lens

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M.H. Reed An explanation of the cover... Normally, I would try to write something witty to go with my cover art. But this time I would like to offer an explanation: This cover art has become a bookend for this terrible year we will remember as 2020. I drew this cover in December of 2019, with the intention of it to be the January 2020 cover art. My request, however, came too late, as a cover had already been selected. Not a big deal. This image would just have to wait for another January to come around. When I drew it, the younger brother was supposed to quietly be putting the older to bed. The younger brother’s smile gives the idea that he knows what we do not. I intentionally included the hidden undertone of a requiem. Like everyone else, I had no idea that 2020 would become such a terrible year. One that would affect us all in one form or another. I am glad I missed the deadline for 2020. I would not have wished the idea of this image to be so closely associated. As the year came to an end, I resubmitted my image. I altered the years, and I altered the idea. 2020 can just go away and be a memory that we can all forget. M.H.Reed

PO Box 4147 Slidell, LA 70459 www.slidellmag.com 985-789-0687

As always, you probably cannot buy my work, but you can certainly follow my work, that is if you like my work. Facebook, Twitter, and sometimes somewhere else. 5

s e i s o R 0 2 20 d l i u B n e m o W

Story by Kendra Maness, Editor/Publisher Photos by Paul & Julie Wood

The 2020 Rosie Women Build was a beacon of light in an otherwise dismal year. Thanks to the generosity of hundreds of sponsors, and the hard work of the Rosie volunteers, the 2020 Rosie Build was not only the largest fundraiser for East St. Tammany Habitat for Humanity this year -- it was their largest fundraiser EVER!

Women Build Week, a one-week period of time for female volunteer homebuilders. The program helps women learn the skill sets needed, not just on the Habitat build site, but also for repairs and projects in their own homes. This is especially significant because the majority of Habitat homeowners are single women/mothers.

Women have always been a large volunteer force for Habitat affiliates throughout the world. However, many women felt underutilized on the Habitat build sites because of their lack of knowledge and skill in the field of construction. Women Build began in 1991 with a group of female Habitat volunteers in North Carolina who sought to have an all-female construction crew work on the homesite. From there, affiliates across the country adopted the idea and Habitat developed National

Did you know that the Rosie program is unique to only East St. Tammany Habitat for Humanity? It started as an effort to garner more awareness, participation, and sponsorships for the Women Build. In 2016, Kentrell Jones, EST Habitat for Humanityâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Executive Director, asked Slidell Magazine owner, Kendra Maness, to be spokesperson for the Women Build. Kendra recruited female community leaders to volunteer to lead teams for Women Build Week. When scheduling

Kendra Maness Women Build Coordinator EST Habitat for Humanity 6

Kentrell Jones Executive Director EST Habitat For Humanity

Dawn Rivera Social Media Guru Rosie Committee Member

Julie Wood Rosie Photo Guru Rosie Committee Member

Paul Wood Rosie Photo Guru

her “official” spokesperson headshot, photographer Julie Wood suggested Kendra pose as “Rosie the Riveter,” the iconic World War II symbol of female empowerment. Paul and Julie Wood continued to photograph all of the 2016 Women Build volunteers dressed as “Rosies” and the Rosie Program was created!

THE

Remarkable Rosies

PLAYHOUSE BENEFICIARY: St. Tammany Fire District 1 PLAYHOUSE SPONSOR: Slidell Firefighters Assoc., Local 2455

BUILD DATE:

Every Rosie is tasked with raising $500 in sponsorships and building on a Habitat home for one day. In the past four years, the Rosies have not only helped construct numerous homes, they’ve also raised more than $140,000 for East St. Tammany Habitat for Humanity. Talk about girl power! The Rosie Build was very different this year. Because of Covid-19 restrictions, Habitat International had to discontinue the volunteer programs on their job sites. Since all of the fundraisers for EST Habitat had been canceled, the Rosie program was needed more desperately than ever. What if there was a way to still build, still learn skills, still network and enjoy the fellowship of other female volunteers, and still fundraise for not only Habitat, but other charities in East St. Tammany that had the same financial hardships caused by the pandemic? The 2020 Rosie teams rose to the challenge! Each team constructed children’s playhouses on-site at the Team Leaders’ homes or designated areas. The Rosies built the houses, painted them with a theme (decided upon by the team and/or the charity to which it was donated), and decorated them. Once completed, the playhouses were donated to local charities for their use or to auction for fundraising. It was a win-win! Habitat for Humanity

November 6, 2020 TEAM LEADER:

Senator Sharon Hewitt SPONSORED BY:

Hewitt PAC

Kelly Lutman sponsored by: Pursue Wellness For You

Jill Bergeron sponsored by: Hewitt PAC

Rebecca Rummel sponsored by: New Orleans Pool & Patio

Sue Prude sponsored by: Andy Prude

Laura Borchert sponsored by: Councilman Bill Borchert

Michele Duvic sponsored by: Michele & Frank Duvic

Jeanne Hildebrandt sponsored by: Slidell Family Dentistry Hildebrandt Properties

Faye Rainey sponsored by: Chiller Specialties Faye Rainey

Maggie Varnado sponsored by: Global Project Management

Habitat for Humanity’s vision is a world where everyone has a decent place to live. Their mission is to put God’s love into action by bringing people together to build homes, communities and hope. Decent, stable housing provides more than just a roof over someone’s head. It provides stability for families and children. It provides a sense of dignity and pride. It offers the opportunity for better health, physical safety and security. Statistically, children raised in a stable home environment have higher educations and better job prospects. Habitat for Humanity believes that increasing the housing supply across the globe is essential if we are to succeed in the fight against poverty. Habitat has more than 1,400 local affiliates in the U.S. They have helped 6.8 million people improve their living conditions since their founding in 1976. Habitat helps by building or renovating simple, decent houses in partnership with those in need. WE CAN BUILD IT!

Jess Steelman sponsored by: Junior Achievement Sabadie & Badeaux Financial Towing Vessel Inspection Bureau G Transport 7

THE

Riveting Rosies

PLAYHOUSE BENEFICIARY: Hospice House

BUILD DATE:

November 12, 2020 TEAM MASCOT:

TEAM LEADER:

Dania Fandal

Remi

SPONSORED BY:

LakeShore Chrysler of Slidell

Laurel Favre sponsored by: LakeShore Chrysler of Slidell

Meredith Mendez

Sienna Newton

Lindsay Favre sponsored by: LakeShore Chrysler of Slidell

Brittany Favre sponsored by: Clint Favre LakeShore Chrysler of Slidell

Andrea Serpas sponsored by: Karen Carroll Cathy Mohr LakeShore Chrysler of Slidell

Jessica Karr sponsored by: Jessica Karr

Vicki Smith sponsored by: Galliano & Golden Meadow Mini Storage

Kristen Punch sponsored by: LakeShore Chrysler of Slidell Galliano & Golden Meadow Mini Storage

Water Sponsor: Resource Bank Lunch Sponsors: Inner Wheel Papa’s Backyard BBQ Jan Stumpf Old School Eats Semplice Pizza Kelly Rodriquez Pecks Rep. Mary DuBuisson Laurie Jugan Tanya Witchen Bayou Web Design – Dawn Rivera Paul Wood Photography – Paul & Julie Wood Slidell Magazine – Kendra Maness Rosie Donors & Sponsors Team Leaders And every single one of the beautiful Rosies The 2020 Rosie’s Women Build t-shirt sponsor:

Angela LaMartina sponsored by: Calvin & Sharon Brasseaux Dorothy & Nicholas Noriea Leon Smith Meyer Foundation Kirth Paciera 15

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by: Mike Rich, CFP® | Pontchartrain Investment Management

A Financial  Check-List for 2021 You’ve probably had your fill of 2020, and so have I. It’s been quite a year, and I’m happy to have it behind us. We still have to deal with many of the challenges of the continuing pandemic, but the promise of vaccines has given us reason for hope. My own hope is that 2021 brings us peace, joy, and economic recovery for all. Fortunately, many of the people I run around with have come through this ordeal in pretty good shape. Likewise, most of my clients have weathered the financial storm quite well, and there’s a reason for this: they were prepared. Many of them have been working with me for years, and we’ve had their financial plans in place precisely to deal with unexpected events. The plans I build for my clients are designed to answer many of the “what if” questions that make up our financial lives. Most of my clients can answer “YES” to a pretty good number of the following questions. Can you?

I have enough money in an easilyaccessible bank account to cover at least four months of living expenses for my family. This is my emergency fund.  YES  NO 

 I have enough life insurance to protect

my family. I know how much insurance I can purchase, and my advisor and I have calculated how much death benefit my family would need to replace the income I would have earned had I lived during my working career.  YES  NO  I know how my car insurance works

and how it will pay if I have an accident. If I have teen-aged drivers at home, I have an umbrella liability insurance policy to supplement the limits of my car insurance.  YES  NO  If I can’t work because of a disability

or long illness, my family will still have an adequate stream of income for as long as they need it. If I have group disability insurance, I understand precisely how it

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works and if it will work for my family.  YES  NO  I know that I might need someone to

care for me when I’m old. I know who might do it, what it might cost, and what type of care I want. If family members can’t take care of me, I have a plan for paying someone to do it.  YES  NO  If I’m retired, I have done a cash flow

projection to estimate how long my money might last. If I am the money manager in the family, my spouse knows how to take over for me if I can’t do it because of death, disability, or other issues.  YES  NO  I invest money regularly and am saving

at least 10% to 15% of my gross income for future needs.  YES  NO I have diversified my investments among various asset classes. I know my tolerance for risk and I have an investment process from which I will 

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not stray, unless the process – not my emotional state of mind, the financial media, or my brother-in-law – calls for doing something else.  YES  NO

goals, keeping me on track, and urging me to ignore the aforementioned brother-inlaw when he tells me I’m a chump for not buying the latest hot stock.  YES  NO

I have specific short-, medium-, and long-term financial goals and my investments are aligned with them.  YES  NO



 I am aware of the potential impact of

inflation on my money’s purchasing power and have made an honest assessment of how inflation might affect me in the future.  YES  NO I am participating in an employer retirement plan or am contributing regularly to an IRA.  YES  NO 

If my spouse is the primary breadwinner in my family, I understand what might happen if the income stops because of a layoff, death, or disability. My spouse and I have a plan in case something like that happens.  YES  NO 

 I am working with a financial advisor

who is helping me formulate financial

I know how much income I would like in retirement, how much I need to save every year to achieve it, and how it needs to be invested so I have a reasonable chance of meeting my goals. I know that there are no guarantees for this, but I recognize the need to plan.  YES  NO I know how to maximize my Social Security benefit.  YES  NO 

If I am a business owner, I have an exit strategy that might help me reap the financial value of my business when I’m ready.  YES  NO 

My spouse and I have wills, powers of attorney, and living wills, and they are up-to-date. My children and family members know where these documents are. They also know where to find my investment statements, insurance policies, group benefits information, 

annuity contracts, and other important documents.  YES  NO So, how did you do? There’s nothing scientific about this, but if you answered “yes” to more than 50% of these statements, I’d say you are well on your way to working toward financial independence. On the other hand, maybe you’re not sure about some of these, or have not addressed them at all. If so, we should talk. The start of a new year is a great time to begin. So, call me today for an appointment And bring this list with you when we meet. It’ll be a good place to start our conversation. Securities and Advisory Services offered through LPL Financial, a Registered Investment Advisor, Member FINRA/SIPC Benefits depend on the claims-paying ability of the issuing company. 1

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

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The

Storyteller

THIS ONE IS ABOUT ME If you have turned to this story, it is probable that this is not the first time you have read one of my submissions. You have probably noticed that, over the nine years of storytelling, my style and subject matter has changed. It has vacillated between biographical, historical, fiction and non-fiction. My style of writing has also changed. Some of the style change has been a product of experience. Gee I hope so. This story is reflective. It is a self-analysis of what I write and what I would like to write. It was originally intended to be an opportunity to look at myself and see, from a writing standpoint, what I want to accomplish. Publishing it as a story was not my intention. It started while being Covid-confined. I cleaned out some files, drawers and cubby holes that had been neglected for years. Many mementos, such as photographs, genealogy records and other personal treasures were found that I had either presumed lost to eternity or I had long forgotten. Sitting under my outdoor pavilion, it was a pleasant respite from the Virus. There was no need for social distancing, no mask required; just me and my stuff. Among these simple items, treasures I should say, I found a CD. It was labeled “John’s Stories April 2005.” Two things came to mind. First, April 2005 was before Hurricane Katrina, an event from which everything is dated, pre or post. Next, it was before I started writing on a regular basis for publication. What could be on that disk? My laptop at home does not accept CDs so I had to wait until Monday and, with the technology of my office computer, the names of the stories the CD contained appeared as files. Some I remembered. Some of these stories had even been reworked and published; but, to my surprise, there was 20

a story I had long thought was lost to the storm with no copy surviving. As best I can date it, it was written about 1985 and was my first attempt at a fictional short story. The title was “No Chance.” Time is such a trickster that I was not aware we had writable CDs prior to Katrina. Inserting the disc into the DVD player and seeing the file name “No Chance” appear on the screen was a happy moment. I began to read. It had been so long since I had read this story, I could now be my own critic. Rather good subject matter, I thought. The subject matter was remarkably like the things I write about now, 35 years later. The style, however, was very poor. The story was jumpy and journalistic. I was just writing facts, one line at a time. It made me think: What is my writing style, and how did it develop? Since that day in about 1985, I have written over 160 stories or parts thereof. The style change between that story and my latest, “Ring on A Chain,” is vastly different. Realistically, it should be. After 160 stories, it should improve. At this point, I wanted to know what had influenced that change other than experience. Many of my readers ask me the same question and what is my motivation. They want to know where do I get my inspiration and who do I try to be? The answer is, I don’t know. I wish I knew. So, on that day, reflecting under my pavilion, I felt it was time to explore the question. I am often asked if Faulkner is my inspiration. This amuses me, as I don’t know if they are joking with me or serious. If they are

serious, it means they know nothing about Faulkner the literary genius. It could be they are making fun of me. I never answer. The only thing Faulkner and I have in common is that we are both sons of Mississippi. Faulkner had a gift of being able to look deep into the heart and souls of men from all walks of life and present their life to you on paper. He had the knack of giving you a glimpse and understanding of the opposite of you, or maybe you yourself. He was a master of character development and description, possessing a unique writing style. He was a non-conformist, not caring if his words were correct, or in some cases, if they were even words. Unknowingly, the reader knew what he meant in a word that he wrote that didn’t even exist. I did learn something from Faulkner, but not by studying his novels and short stories. What I learned from him was by a visit to his home. Rowan Oak, located in Oxford, Mississippi, is sort of a museum to Faulkner and is open to the public. Faulkner outlined at least one story on the wall of his house. The writing is still there. Now, I don’t outline on my walls, Brenda would object; but I do outline, and sometimes in strange places. I have been known to make notes on my pant leg, toilet paper or a credit card slip. I have even scribbled an outline on my arm. Honestly, I did not have time to transpose it to paper, so I showered with my arm held out of the water. Faulkner also drew a detailed map of the territory of which he wrote. He gave the communities names, and likewise the names of the family of farms nearby. This was a key to consistency in his stories which so many popular writers fail to accomplish. I certainly can’t imitate Faulkner, but I learned something from him. I have a real map of my home county, and I also have created a mental overlay that outlines the fictional territory within. I know I must see a story in my mind before I can write it and the map is an aid for me. I suppose it was for Faulkner also.

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Others ask me if I am influenced by Pat Conroy, author of “The Great Santini” and “Prince of Tides.” This puzzles me. Conroy came from a very dysfunctional family and exploits them in his writing. I would find it hard to berate or write about the underbelly of my family. I know some of my stories evolve around dysfunctional situations and maybe that is what prompts the question.

Let this Remarkable Rosie help you build a greater level of wellness!

I do relate to what Conroy says about writing. For example: “I do not record the world exactly as it comes to me but transform it by making it pass through a prism of fabulous stories I have collected on the way……Stories are the vessels I use to interpret the world to myself. I am often called the storyteller…… I revel in the title.” Well, I have achieved part of that. Some call me a storyteller. I have been asked, “Surely you are influenced by John Grisham. You both are from Mississippi and attended the University of Mississippi?”

PILLOWS

Pursue Wellness Kelly Lutman

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Kelly@PursueWellnessForYou.com

Certified Functional Medicine Health Coach 21

I do admire him. He has been able to take his vocation, a lawyer, and spin numerous stories from what he has seen or heard. I am an insurance agent. As of yet, I have not been able to spin a story from my profession. Occasionally, someone will burn down their home to collect the insurance money. Interestingly, the law tends to look away a wee bit. It is hard to prosecute some poor, down-on-his-luck guy against that big rich insurance company. After all, the insurance companies can’t vote. Come to think of it, that may be a story someday, but it is not my style. In my writing for publication, I have never once ventured into politics. Good stories don’t reside there, not for me anyway. So, you wonder, who am I influenced by. Do you want to guess?

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Would it surprise you if I told you it was John Boy Walton? Yes, Jim Bob’s brother. For you young readers, if I have any, The Waltons was a TV series about a family based in Virginia during the mid-1930’s, an era of the great Depression. Due to the Depression, the family had limited means and depended greatly on each other. The episodes are ones of love, conflict, diverging personalities, defeat, and triumph. The time frame extends into WWII. The star is Richard Thomas, playing the part of John Boy Walton who, as a teenager, is an aspiring writer. Usually, at the end of each episode, the narrator (whose voice is Earl Hamner Jr, the writer of the series) breaks in with a profound summary of the intent of the story. Usually, in my opinion, they are beautiful words about human interaction and the effect they have on the lives of the family. I like that. Not only is the writing smooth and simple, but his oral delivery is also crisp, soothing, and attention getting. If I could just do that. I can still hear his narrations. Just a simple TV series; but these narrations, they speak to me as I wish to speak to my readers. Passages such as: John Boy Walton: “When I was young, the thought of distant and mysterious cities would send me daydreaming for hours. But cities did not beckon to my father. He was content in the woods and fields…” John Boy Walton: “We were a religious people on Walton’s Mountain. The church was the center of our spiritual, as well as our social, lives. Each year would come a great religious revival when each of us would be called upon to examine our conscience and receive salvation...” Wow, that’s me. I could have written those exact words and they would have been true; but, as of yet, I haven’t. If I could only write and orate like that. Yes, John Boy is my inspiration. But, as for now, I am still searching. Goodnight Jim Bob. Goodnight Mary Ellen. Goodnight John Boy.

985-718-4191 Chuck Sabadie 22

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Slidell: Our History

Story by Ted Lewis Photos by Paul Wood Photography

Things we enjoy thanks to the space race – portable computers, air purifiers, LED lighting. And lest we forget, Tang! Add to that list the Slidell Little Theatre. Now, to be sure, John Glenn and Neil Armstrong never trod the boards with the local thespians. But, without NASA’s impact on the area in the early 1960s, triggering an 88% population increase in that decade, followed by a 153% increase in the 1970s, it’s doubtful that SLT would be the successful entity it is nearly six decades later. John Perkins was the lead singer with the doo-wop group The Crew-Cuts and not an astronaut. But after retiring from show business and moving with his wife Gilda to Slidell in 1967, he joined SLT soon thereafter. “The space industry brought a lot of people to the area who were anxious to join activities they’d been involved in 24

Slidell Little Theatre back home,” Perkins said. “There was just so much energy with the theater. What people might have lacked in talent and experience, they definitely made up for in enthusiasm.” Those newcomers were the catalyst needed after earlier efforts had stalled. Virginia Madison, along with husband Eldred, had tried to get something going in the 1950s, but found there wasn’t enough interest, much less talent, in Slidell to sustain it. But in 1963, Madison, along with bridge buddies Anita Breisacher and Margaret Richardson, organized an effort by the Slidell Women’s Civic Club to which they belonged, and SLT was born. The first production, The Matchmaker, held in the current Slidell Junior High, was staged that summer. A five-show season in 1963-64 followed with shows split between the school and the Slidell Municipal Auditorium.

And, in the years since, with the exception of the post-Katrina fall of 2005, SLT has continued without interruption. Until now. The COVID pandemic caused the cancellation of the remainder of the 2019-20 season in mid-March. There were no shows in the fall either, except for the traditional Halloween Rocky Horror Picture Show and a holiday show, A Twisted Christmas Carol, which allowed for about 80 socially-distanced seats, rather than the regular 250. SLT president Roberta Hazelbaker is undaunted however. “No doubt this is the biggest challenge we’ve ever faced,” she said. “But we’ll bounce back.” The theater will stage Little Shop of Horrors for a three-weekend run starting Feb. 26. Another musical, Once on This Island, is planned for late April-early May. One or two non-musical works may be staged in the summer as fundraisers. Then, it’s hoped, a regular schedule will resume

next fall. “We’ll maintain the seating protocols as long as they’re required,” Hazelbaker said. “But it’s so heartwarming to know that our life is coming back. We’re thrilled to have the opportunity to present live theater again.” Great news.

directors at the time of the move. “We had to make some changes in the building and there were some shortcomings. But we made it work.” SLT would make it work until the early 1990s.

Before we get to what’s planned for 2021, it’s worth looking back at some of the events and people who have helped make SLT what it is. In 8 acts, if you will:

Anita Breisacher was what used to be called a “society matron.” Born to a monied New Orleans family in 1906 (she made a trip around-the-world as an 18th birthday present), she and her husband, Karl, used their house on Bayou Liberty as a weekend getaway until they moved to Slidell in the late 1940s.

Act I – The Early Days Fittingly enough, Madison was elected the SLT first president and the real estate office she and her husband operated served as the meeting place for the early planning sessions. Madison’s fellow co-founders, Breisacher and Richardson, were named recording and corresponding secretaries respectively; Thomas Henken, vice-president; Fred Arbuckle, parliamentarian; while Ada Cooley, whose husband, David, drew up the charter papers, was elected treasurer.

Act II - The Grand Dame

So it was more of a civic project than a love of the theater that led her to join with Virginia Madison and Margaret Richardson in organizing SLT in 1963. “She helped start the theater and saw to it that it kept going,” said Michon Shinn, Breisacher’s granddaughter. “She became a huge proponent for the theater. She’d do anything except get on the stage.”

Tulane drama students Eugene “Rip” Peyroux and William Merriweather were the director and assistant director for the first season. The lineup consisted of Period of Adjustment, Night Must Fall, Seven Nuns in Las Vegas and They Went Thataway.

Actually Breisacher did once, for a 1965 production of Harvey.

And while the school auditorium, municipal auditorium and the naval station on Carr Drive proved suitable for the shows themselves, sets had to be built in private homes and loaned facilities.

And sure enough, until the time leading up to her death in 2003 at age 97, Breisacher was a fixture for every SLT production – always sitting in the same seat – center front, second seat from the left.

Finally, in 1973, the opportunity came to purchase the First Assembly of God church building on Nellie Drive just off Fremaux for $50,000. They shared the building for part of the 73-74 season while a new church was being constructed on Lindbergh Drive. That included restoring the pulpit (and hiding the liquor bottles) after the Saturday night shows. The first show in the now-former church was Fiddler on the Roof.

“That convinced me once and for all that the audience was the place for me,” Breisacher told Gilda Perkins in a 1991 newspaper article.

“Grandmother loved going to the performances, even though her hearing wasn’t that good,” Shinn said. “And when she’d meet people, she’d tell them, ‘If you’re looking for something to do, try Slidell Little Theater.’” Breisacher was such a fan that she kept an extensive collection of playbills from the earliest days. Act III - Ginny

Over the years, the facility was enhanced with backstage entrances, ramped seating and an expanded lobby space.

Like Breisacher, Virginia Madison preferred to let others perform on the stage while she performed several leadership roles.

“There was no question there was a lot of excitement about having our own place,” said Perkins, who was on the board of

Such was Madison held in esteem that, in 1968, when the board established seasonending awards, they were called “Ginnys.”

Volunteer Viola Cocran with SLT founder, Antia Breisacher, at the 40th celebration of Slidell Little Theatre

Since then, Ginny Night has grown to be more than simply handing out plaques. It’s a full-fledged, red-carpet gala with winners not just in the acting categories, but for directing, set design, choreography and costumes among others. There’s even one for best poster. But the most coveted award is for Best Show (Of Mice & Men was the first), so much so that there are separate awards for musicals and plays. “I couldn’t believe it the first year we were here,” Hazelbaker said. “Everybody was dressed to the hilt like it was the Tonies, and you could tell people really wanted to win. The competition between the casts was like watching a football game. It hit me, this is a really big deal.” No doubt Mrs. Madison, who died in the 1970s, would be proud to be remembered this way. Act IV - YATS Not All, Folks Allen Little has made so many contributions to SLT over the years that, when the new black box theater annex to the main stage opened in 2018, it was named for him. Along with acting, directing, set designing and serving as uber fundraising board member, Little’s most lasting contribution is the founding of YATS, the summer youth program he and Ronnie Hass started in 1978. Back then, it was called “The Teenage Club.” But given Little’s Lower Ninth Ward roots, it naturally evolved into YATS (Young Actors Theatre of Slidell). “Your kids program is the strength of any 25

community theater,” Little said. “Now, I didn’t know much about teaching theater, at least not from a book. But Ronnie and I kind of got together and figured out if we showed them and made it fun, we could make it work.”

“It’s a personal thing,” Marshall said. “I don’t like going to the theater and seeing the same people up there all the time and I know people don’t want to see me all the time. That’s what I like about SLT. You can always see new people.”

Countless local youngsters have gotten their introduction to the theater through YATS, and some have gone on to professional careers. One of them, Larry Johnson, is the first YATS graduate to take the important post of SLT’s vice-president of production.

Among Marshall’s most memorable performances – one when an approaching winter storm (in Slidell) was going to cancel the weekend performances. However, the family of one of the cast members had flown in to see the show. And, in the spirit of “the show must go on,” the cast decided to proceed. There were more people on stage than in the audience.

Several others have made major contributions to YATS over the years, most notably the late Fabian Martinez, who created Junior YATS and Mini-YATS, attracting kids as young as 6. Never shy about expressing his opinions (his idea for dealing with reduced seating during the pandemic was a drive-in movie screen set up outside the theater), Little turned humble and modest when SLT approached him about putting his name on the annex. He asked that it just be the Allen Little Stage, and not the entire facility.

Act V - Amazing Grace There’s no official record for most SLT appearances by one actor, but Grace Marshall has to be among the tops.

“Oh God, I liked to have passed out!” said Little, who was in charge of fundraising for the project. “That’s why I told them they couldn’t name the whole thing for me. It was much more than I deserved.”

She counts more than 200 credits, dating back to her teenage years in Newport, R.I., with dozens at SLT and other local venues since she and her late husband, Jimmy, moved to Slidell in 1987. Her first role was one of the witches in Macbeth.

The SLT community would disagree.

And there could have been more.

Allen Little 26

Ragtime

Another was the 1999 production of Fences when Patricia Smith, the female lead, suffered a non-fatal heart attack between the first and second weekends. With the show in jeopardy, Marshall, who was the stage manager, was asked to step in, even though the role was meant for a black woman. No matter. Marshall performed with such aplomb that a week later a patron told her, “When they announced before the show that you were going to be playing Rose, I thought, they had to get some white woman, and this is going to be terrible. But you were so good I came back for the Sunday matinee.” Grace notes, “That’s the kind of thing that keeps me coming back.”

Bye Bye Birdie (YATS)

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

Act VI – A New Home While the former church had been renovated to serve as a theater, it was cramped with less than 200 seats and the stage was too low. But there was little impetus to do something major until someone recommended removing two of the support beams to improve the lighting. Unfortunately, removing the support beams caused the exterior walls to bow out. Cables had to be extended over the auditorium to keep the whole thing from collapsing. With an obvious need to relocate but little money in the bank, SLT launched a $200,000 fundraising drive in 1991 to build a new facility behind the present one. A major portion of the money would come from bingo, and it would take until 1994 before the “new” SLT opened with a production of Into the Woods. The old/church theater was demolished, but the slab remains in the parking lot. Grace Marshall was president when the project began. She recalls the experience as exhilarating and exasperating at the same time.

Beauty and the Beast

The director asked him if he would read for the part. Williams, then 42, had never acted before, but “wasn’t going to shy away from it because it challenged my view of myself.” Acting opposite Bob Gault in the tale of two New Yorkers dealing with gentrification, Williams won the Ginny as best actor in a play. Thus was launched a late-blooming career, which has seen Williams recognized as the leading regional interpreter of the works of August Wilson. “I think everyone saw the need for more multi-cultural casts,” said Williams, who directed Fences last fall, after putting together the first all-black cast for an SLT production of the same work in 1999. “We needed to get the entire community involved, not just on the stage but as patrons.” “When you come to community theater, it’s up close and personal. You’re not looking at a TV or even a big screen. And you’re always going to see a character who’s going to remind you of a family member or someone else you know. It becomes very personal. That’s why I love it.”

“I presided over one of the most dysfunctional boards in history!” Marshall said. “We’d have a regular meeting for about 15 minutes and then argue for three hours about what the new theater should be like. You should know that when you get a lot of theater people together, there are going to be a lot of widespread opinions with everyone wanting to voice them. But it was all done out of love of theater and, eventually, we had something approaching a collective vision.” Act VII - Where There’s a Will For far too long, SLT productions, and membership, were almost exclusively all-white. It wasn’t so much a result of overt attitudes as a lack of outreach. But in 1992, local pharmacist Will Williams, who is AfricanAmerican, observed an audition for a play called I’m Not Rapport as part of a Leadership Slidell class he was enrolled in.

Will Williams (seated) in I’m Not Rapport 27

Evita

Peter Pan

Act VIII - A Hidden Gem

Epilogue

The Nellie Drive location gave SLT a permanent home site. But finding it, especially for the first time, often proved difficult, especially in the pre-GPS era. After all, it is on the backside of a residential neighborhood not otherwise trafficked.

So now, the season will be restarted, much like it was in 2006 when Beauty & the Beast, which had staged three performances before Katina struck the previous August, was the first show after the reopening, albeit with some recasting.

But, with the opening of the Fremaux Town Center in 2014, SLT suddenly had a window to the world. Or at least to those entering the burgeoning shopping development who can hardly miss the theater on their right, especially with the new marquee announcing current and upcoming shows.

John Perkins notes, “The people who remember the theater and love the theater will be back as soon as they can,” he said. “But we’ve got to start rebuilding an audience because people have gotten out of the habit of going out for just about anything.”

The opening of the I-10 exit at Fremaux also added to the exposure. “In the old days, if you didn’t know where it was, you could have driven right by it,” Shinn said. “I don’t know if it’s really had an effect or not, but it’s very nice.”

The Wizard of Oz 28

“One day, I’m sure, we’ll be up and running as well as we ever did. It’s not going to be as hard to rebound as it was to get things going initially.” One promising sign – America is planning to send men (and women this time) back to the moon in 2024. What was good for SLT back in ’63, just might be again.

The Music Man

“Your Estate Matters” By Ronda M. Gabb, NP, JD, RFC

Legal-ease

RESOLVE TO WATCH YOUR

FIGURE(S)

IN THE NEW YEAR!

A LIST OF IMPORTANT FIGURES FOR 2021 GIFT TAX: The amount you are free to give to each person for this calendar year without either party having to file anything with the IRS remains $15,000. This means a married couple could give $30,000 to each recipient. This is called the annual exclusion gift amount. For 2021, the lifetime gift tax exemption amount was raised to $11,700,000 per donor, however there is a very high likelihood that it will be significantly lowered by the new administration and applied retroactively to January 1, 2021. The amount one spouse may gift for free to the other spouse who is not a U.S. Citizen is $159,000, and an unlimited amount to a spouse who is a U. S. Citizen. ESTATE TAX: The amount you may leave to your loved ones at your death free of any estate taxes or Louisiana state inheritance is now $11,700,000 per decedent (minus any lifetime gifting made above the annual exclusion amount). This means that a married couple may leave up to $23,400,000 to their loved ones both estate and inheritance tax free. Again, there is a high likelihood that it will be significantly lowered by the new administration and applied retroactively to January 1, 2021. Presently, the top marginal tax rate for estates that exceed these amounts remains at forty (40%) percent, but will probably be raised by the new administration, as well. IRAs: The contribution limit for Traditional IRAs remains the same at $6,000 per year for those under age 50, and $7,000 per year for those 50 or older. If you were born on or

after July 1, 1949, you are not required to take your Required Minimum Distribution (RMD) now, under the SECURE Act, until age 72. Additionally, there are no longer any age restrictions on contributing to your IRA as long as you (or your spouse) have earned income to offset the contribution, even if you are already receiving your RMDs. Don’t forget you can use some (up to $100,000) of your Required Minimum Distribution (RMD) amount to pay to your favorite charities directly, in order to reduce your taxable income (called a Qualified Charitable Distribution-QCD). Some of our clients have donated their entire RMD for one year to bring their income down enough to qualify for the Senior Freeze below.

is a surviving spouse), is not considered as a “countable” resource, but after the death of both spouses Medicaid may seek estate recovery against the home.

SENIOR FREEZE: In 2020, Louisiana voters significantly raised the amount of the “Senior Freeze”. In order to have the assessed value of your Homestead “frozen”, an owner of the property must be 65 years of age or older, reside in the property, and have an Adjusted Gross Income (AGI) of $100,000, or less (through December 31, 2024, after that, the figure will be adjusted for inflation). You must provide your assessor proof of your date of birth and a copy of your 2020 tax return. Once you qualify, future years of higher income do not matter.

Medicaid will not institute estate recovery against the home if an heir’s income is 300% or less of the Federal Poverty Guidelines. The following are annualized 300% figures based on family size for 2021: (1) $38,280; (2) $51,720; (3) $65,160; (4) $78,600; (5) $92,040. For example, if ANY heir with a family of four makes less than $78,600 a year, Medicaid will not seek recovery against the entire home, not just that heir’s portion.

MEDICAID: For Medicaid (not Medicare) to pay for nursing home care for one spouse, the “at home” community spouse may retain up to $130,380 in countable resources. The primary home, with equity not to exceed $603,000 (this limit does not apply if there

See other articles and issues of interest!

For Medicaid purposes, a single person who is in a nursing home may keep only up to $2,000 in countable resources, a married couple who are both in a nursing home may keep only up to $3,000 in countable resources. For Medicaid purposes, the amount of monthly income the “at home” spouse may keep of the “institutionalized” spouse’s monthly income is up to $3,259.50 per month. (This assumes the “at home” spouse has no other income.)

VA AID & ATTENDANCE PENSION: For 2021, the VA Aid & Attendance Improved Pension Program monthly tax-free benefit for both a qualifying Veteran and Spouse needing care is $2,295.75; for the Veteran only is $1,936.50, for the Widow of a qualifying Veteran: $1,244.50; and for two qualifying Veterans married to each other, is $3,071.75. The asset resource limit for a qualifying Veteran, either married or single, is $130,773.

Ronda M. Gabb is a Board Certified Estate Planning and Administration Specialist certified by the Louisiana Board of Legal Specialization. She is a member of the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys and the Governor’s Elder Law Task Force. Ronda grew up in New Orleans East and first moved to Slidell in 1988, and now resides in Clipper Estates.

40 Louis Prima Drive (off Hwy 190, behind Copeland’s) • Covington, Louisiana • (985) 892-0942 • RondaMGabb.com

Environment " ns a e rl O w e N f Donna Bush, Winner of 2020 Press Club o

al Science Reporting"

Squirrel

Appreciation Day Story and photos by Donna Bush

Bet you didn’t know that January 21st is National Squirrel Appreciation Day! What is National Squirrel Appreciation Day? It was created in 2001 by wildlife rehabilitation specialist, Christy Hargrove in Ashville, North Carolina as a means to encourage kindness towards squirrels. Many humans view these bushy-tailed rodents as an unnecessary nuisance, and they can be at times. For instance, we live in a cedar house and they love to chew on the corner boards, much like a horse cribs on a stall or fence. They also like to steal our bird food and can often empty the squirrel-proof birdfeeder in a day! I’ve lost numerous tomatoes to the little devils. Even more irritating is that he/she will only take one bite, drop it on the ground and go back for another tomato! 30

On the other hand, they can provide many entertaining moments as they delight us with their acrobatic antics. Who hasn’t enjoyed watching squirrels chase each other from tree to tree, leaping through the air to catch the tip of a limb that appears too skinny to hold them? How are they able to make this look so effortless? Eastern gray squirrels, the most common tree squirrel, are able jump four feet vertically and nine feet horizontally. Ever wonder how a squirrel can climb down a tree head-first? They have super flexible back ankle joints that can rotate their feet 180 degrees along with extremely sharp claws that enable them to scale the underside of a branch. I’ve watched them cling to the birdfeeder pole with their hind legs, reach across to grab the feeder with their front feet and chow down.

Then there was the year when a nest got blown down during a hurricane and we ended up with two baby eastern gray squirrels hanging out in our backyard. They were old enough to eat on their own, enjoyed a delicious meal of nuts and seeds that had accumulated underneath the feeder and grew up to run the neighborhood like squirrels do. Believe it or not, these furry little creatures actually serve a beautification purpose in urban areas and parks. Although it is an unintended job, squirrels will plant seeds, intending to store away food for leaner times. These, in turn, become trees in parks as our hardworking gardeners forget where they placed their stash. Ever heard the term “squirrel away?” Now you know how it came about.

In the mid-1800’s squirrels were intentionally introduced in urban areas such as Philadelphia’s Franklin Square, Boston and New Haven. In 1870, they were released again, on a larger scale, as spacious parks were built in cities such as New York, Boston, Washington D.C. and Chicago, welcoming the furry guys to move in and coexist with humans. The idea behind the introduction was to beautify and add interest in the parks. Louisiana is home to two different species of tree squirrels – the eastern gray and fox squirrel, with different subspecies existing in both, depending on your location in the state. Mostly what you will see around Slidell is the gray squirrel, characterized by gray colored fur, white belly, and possibly some reddish-brown fur on their head and/or tail. Fox squirrels are named due to the reddish color of their fur,

which is similar to the red fox. I have on occasion seen the Bachman fox squirrel in the Folsom area. They are larger than gray squirrels, covered in red fur, possess a white patch on their nose and a tip of white fur on their ears, toes and end of tail. Sadly, I have not been successful capturing a photo of one of these unique creatures. In addition to emptying bird feeders and raiding vegetable gardens, both breeds feed on a variety of nuts, seeds, berries, tree buds, leaves, parts of pinecones and an occasional bird egg or nestling. Some of this is consumed immediately, some taken to the nest, and some saved for future meals. As winter approaches, they are smart enough to know that food will become scarcer. On these days, they must gather enough to feed themselves and any young per day, as well as hiding some. They are known

as “scatter hoarders,” meaning they hoard their food and then scatter it in locations close to their nest where they can locate it when needed. This is done by burying the food about an inch deep, known as “caching.” A 2008 study of eastern gray squirrels found many utilized a “deceptive caching” methodology to fool any would-be thieves watching them. They would dig a hole, pretend to place an acorn in (while holding it in their mouth), then scurry to a secret hiding place. A study performed by UC Berkeley professors from 2012 – 2014 found that tree squirrels employed a mnemonic technique known as “spatial chunking” to bury their food. They were observed to sort and bury their nut treasures by size, type and possibly nutritional value or taste. This method would make it easier for them to remember where they stashed almonds as opposed to

acorns. Another theory from the study suggested that more valuable nuts/ seeds would be buried in an open area increasing the risks of predation but lessening the chances of theft from other squirrels.

Notable Mascots from the Squirrel Family  The Chipmunks, Archbishop Chapelle High School (Metairie)  Yeobie, the albino squirrel, Oberlin College  Gladys, the fighting squirrel, Mary Baldwin University  The Black Squirrels, Haverford College  Fanny, the gray squirrel, University of Stirling (Scotland)  Flying Squirrels, Richmond, VA (minor league baseball)  Chopper, the Groundhog, Gwinnett Braves (minor league baseball)  Marty, the Marmot, Victoria Royals (junior hockey team)  Nutty, the Squirrel, City of Menlo Park, California

The squirrel family is among the most diverse of all modern mammals, with more than 270 species and 50 genera flourishing from the Arctic Tundra and tropical rainforest to farms, suburbs, and large cities. Not limited to our gray tree squirrels, their family includes flying squirrels, and many grounddwelling species such as chipmunks, prairie dogs and marmots, which the average person might not think of as a squirrel. They’re all members of the same taxonomic family and native to every continent except Antarctica and Australia. Southern flying squirrels are found in Louisiana but prove difficult to see. Though they share the same habitat as eastern grays and fox squirrels, they are nocturnal. Flying squirrels don’t actually fly, they glide, providing the illusion of flight. The average glide is 65 feet, a bit longer than a bowling alley, but they can glide up to 295 feet, reaching speeds of 10-30 mph! They use their tail as a rudder, allowing incredible precision turns like an aerobatic glider. They weigh no more than 2-3 ounces, have a maximum length of 9 inches, with huge eyes which assist them in their night-time adventures. Do you remember Rocket “Rocky” J. Squirrel from Rocky and Bullwinkle? Unlike Rocky, you will not find our flying

squirrels hanging out with a moose, walking upright on his hind legs or delivering a funny pun! Rock squirrels, as their name implies, enjoy living in the rocky terrain of Mexico and the Southwestern US. They are quite social, living in large colonies with several females and one dominant male. Burrows dug with their sharp claws house them and serve as food storage. Marmots, also known as groundhogs, are part of the squirrel family. One of the largest ground squirrels, they are almost entirely vegetarian and won’t be found in south Louisiana. They prefer a much colder climate and are wellsuited for such with their fur-covered ears, short stocky legs and strong claws for digging. Similar to prairie dogs but much larger, they create an intricate system of underground tunnels and burrows with escape routes, up to 45 feet long and 3 to 6 feet deep. Unlike groundhogs, prairie dogs form strong family bonds sharing the same burrow and food, grooming each other and socializing. Prairie dogs are constantly excavating and rebuilding their “city” of tunnels. According to National Geographic, the largest recorded city covered almost 25,000 square miles! Perhaps the most striking squirrel I’ve ever seen was the Douglas squirrel in Oregon, with beautiful reddish to chestnut brown fur and a tail half as long as his body. Living in the coniferous forests of the west coast, they feed on seeds from Douglas fir, Sitka spruce

and other conifer cones, peeling off the scale and removing the seed. Chipmunks are among the smallest member of the squirrel family. Although they are not social with each other, many will interact with humans, especially in frequently traveled areas such as national parks. Quick and agile, they can steal your snacks before you know it. I’ve had them scramble into my camera bag, steals nuts from my trail mix, try to drink from my water bottle and climb my pants leg, begging for a handout. They stuff their cheeks with extra food, stretching them larger than three times the size of their head! Over my years of travel and photography, I’ve been fortunate enough to observe eastern grays, southern flying squirrel, Douglas squirrels, rock squirrels, hoary marmots, prairie dogs and unita chipmunks. This January 21st, be kind to the squirrels in your neighborhood, maybe even gift them a peace offering of some peanuts!

Nutty Facts About Squirrels  Squirrels have four front teeth that are continuously growing throughout their life, up to six inches per year. They must constantly gnaw to keep their teeth at the correct length.  Squirrels have a keen sense of smell and can find food buried under a foot of snow.  When threatened, they run in a zigzag pattern to escape their predator.  A newborn squirrel is about an inch long, weighs less than half an ounce, born blind and without fur.  Eastern gray squirrels prefer to nest in tree cavities, but if these are unavailable, a nest is constructed using a frame of sticks and dry leaves.

 Breeding occurs twice a year in mid-December to early January and again in June.  Squirrels are adaptable, acrobatic and intelligent, and able to run up to 9 miles per hour.  A squirrel’s tail can be shade from the sun, aid in balance, keep them warm on a cold winter’s day, slow a descent like a parachute, and communicate with other squirrels.  Squirrels have briefly shutdown power to the NASDAQ stock market twice. Electrical lines are no match for their sharp teeth.  Twenty-five percent of nuts buried are stolen. We all know that gray squirrels bury their nuts, but they often dig them up and rebury them to thwart their thieving relatives.

JAY NEWCOMB | INSURANCE AGENT 2001 FIRST ST. | SLIDELL, LA 70458 www.LDCV.com | (985) 643-1234

ARE YOU TURNING 65 IN 2021?

Do you need help understanding Medicare, Supplements & Advantage Plans? Step One:

You may enroll (or be enrolled automatically) in Part A & Part B three months prior to your 65th birthday. Example: John turns 65 in June. He may enroll any time from March to September. However, if he waits until June or after, he may have a gap in coverage.

Step Two:

Contact your local Social Security office to check your enrollment or to enroll yourself. You can also enroll online and learn more about Medicare at: SSA.gov/benefits/medicare

Step Three:

When you confirm enrollment in original Medicare, contact me and let me help you find the coverage that best fits your financial and lifestyle needs. This may be a Medicare Advantage Plan or a Medicare Supplement along with a prescription drug plan.

Let me assist you in making sure that you are getting all the benefits (Dental, Hearing, Vision, Transportation, Over the Counter, Health Care Items, etc...) that you are entitled to at no extra cost! 33

Story

Gates by Leslie

Remember the movie “Groundhog Day?” It’s a classic and one of my all-time favs. Here’s the basic story line: A self-absorbed, middle aged jerk (played by Bill Murray) has found himself in a horrific situation. He wakes at 6am to the song “I’ve Got You Babe,” by Sonny and Cher, playing from the alarm clock next to his bed. He then goes about his usual day as a narcissistic, big shot weather forecaster; either ignoring the people around him or hurting them with rude words. This behavior is so instinctive to him that he is unable to sympathize with, or recognize the needs of, others; nor does he care. There are opportunities around him that could produce blessings and help him become a better person, but he likes himself too much already. His life and the way he lives it are just the way he wants it. When the first day ends, he crawls into bed, sets his alarm, and falls asleep. The next morning at 6am, the same song plays… “Put your tiny hand in mine, there’s no hill or mountain we can’t climb…” Again, he turns it off, gets up, and starts his usual day. As he heads to work, he passes the same people, who appear in the same locations, and are doing and saying the exact same things as the day before. The moment he realizes this is when the horror sets in. Throughout the movie, he unsuccessfully attempts many ways to escape the hell he is stuck in. All he can do, as he wakes to Sonny and Cher every 34

“GROUNDHOG FACTORY” morning at 6am, is slowly learn the lessons he needs by recognizing the hearts of others and the beautiful life that is right in front of him. He becomes the man he never knew he could be and connects with others in a meaningful way. It doesn’t specify how many days he went through this, but this is the point I want to make… If we wake up New Year’s Day, carrying all the lessons we have learned from this challenging groundhog year, and our phone reads, “January 1, 2020,” I promise you… I will take some vital lessons from the first 2020 and be totally prepared for Round Two! The first lesson is obvious… Hoard toilet paper, start a business from it, then use the money to buy hand sanitizer, antibacterial spray, and enough items for only ONE hurricane. I will also make a secret entrance into Disney World before it shuts down, vote for Kanye West, and invent a cure for the virus by coating a 6ft x 6ft bubble with a mixture of hand sanitizer and antibacterial cleaning spray. Everyone wears the bubble until we can flatten the curve. The bubble will also be wearing a mask. It’s amazing they haven’t figured this out yet. Dummies. I’m making “Groundhog Day” the official movie of 2020. Another of my all-time favorite movies is the original “Willie Wonka” played by Gene Wilder. He’s another middleaged man, possibly a sociopath, that eventually learns his lesson too. There are also a bunch of snot-nosed brats,

each teaching us important life lessons through their actions and character (or lack thereof). One child is greedy, one is gluttonous, another spoiled rotten. Then there is Charlie Bucket, who keeps his integrity throughout his experience in the Psycho-factory. After each bad kid succumbs to their character flaw, the Oompa Loompas appear. The Oompa Loompas are pretty irritating and creepy. With their green faces and catchy songs. Fancy choreographed dance moves. Always singin’ bout lessons. Lessons. Lessons. Lessons. “OOM-PA. LOOMPA. DOOPA DE DOO...” What do “Groundhog Day” and “Willie Wonka” have in common? Well, other than this year feeling like we woke up in a psycho-making factory, day after day after day, absolutely nothing. If this doesn’t make sense, then take that feeling, apply it to the year that gave us many senseless lessons, and let’s see what comes of it. There have to be a few Charlie Buckets in there somewhere, but that’s no fun to sing about. Let’s kick that groundhog down the hole where it came from and shove 2020 right up its…, I mean… right down the chocolate river of hell where it belongs! Let’s be done once and for all! And is there any better way to bid farewell to 2020 then with a few senseless lessons from the Oompa Loompas? No, there’s not. (Dance moves not included, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t made them up). Let’s get started! 

LESSON ONE: “MASKS”

For-get-what-the-hell you-are-look-ing-for.

“Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa-de-doo.

Don’t for-get your mask, cause we- know-how-that-goes.

You can’t find- your- mask, so, what- do- you- do?

And make sure that- you- co-ver-your-nose.

Search-all-a-round, like you’re loo-kingfor-crack.

You get noooo… (you get nooo…) you- get-no-bot-tledwa-ter.

If you-left-it-at-home, then drive- all-the-way-back.

Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa-dee-dee.

If it-has-a-stain, and, cov-ered- in- grime…

Still in the cone, of un-cer-tain-ty.

Then-buy-one-for-the-twen-ty-ith-tiiiime…

For the fifth-time, ga-ther up your yard-things.

You get no… (you get noooo…) you-get-noo-ther-op-tions.

Think worse case scenarios, a hurricane-brings. Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Wor-ry- and-wait.

Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa. Dee. Dee.

Figure out where you will evac-u-ate.

If it co-vers your eyes, then, you- can-not- see.

Con-tem-plate sand-bags and stare-at-the-news.

If you’re mask-strap-breaks, then, all- will- go- south. Use you’re shirt and pull- it- o-ver you’re-mouth. Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa- dee- daa. If you go- to- the- store, then you- be-tter- not- cough. You- may- live- in- quar-in-tene too. Like. The. Oompa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa-dee dooooo!”

LESSON TWO: “MASS HYSTERIA”

Some-thing, Oom-pa-Loom-pas don’t-have-to-doooo!”

LESSON FOUR: “HAVE A DRINK” “Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa-dee-wine. One-li-ttle-glass- will-make-ev-ery-thing-fine. Af-ter-you’ve-had-just-four-or-five-sips, You’ll stop-plann-ing for the-apoc-o-lypse. It might-be-best to turn-off-the-news,

“Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa-de-doo.

And- pull- out- your- hurr-i-cane-booze.

Pe-ople freak-out, so, what-do-you-do?

Doo-pa. Zoom-pa. Bloopa- de-dur.

You bett-er run out, head straight-to-the-store.

Pre-tty soon, it will all be-a-blur.

If- you- don’t, there-won’t be- an-y-more.

You don’t- know-the-day, or where-the-time-went.

You will most- like-ly, get-the-off-brands.

Wonderin’ if we’ll ev-er have-a-pres-i-dent.

That cray-zee chicks grab out-your- haaaands.

Just-when-you-think-you-are-lo-sing-your-mind,

You’ll get nooo… (you’ll get noooo…) you’ll get no toi-let pa-per. Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa- dee- dee. There- are- some- des-perate peo-ple you’ll- see. Find Clor-ox wipes, and you-will-be- fine. Now you’re at-the- back of the- check-out-line. Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Got-ta-go-pee. There’s a- roll in- the- bath-room, con-sider-it-free. You-may-al-so have-to-go-poo. Like the. Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa-de-doooo!”

LESSON THREE: “HURRICANES” “Oom-pa. Loom-pa. Doo-pa-de-doo. A- hurr-i-caines- a- com-in, so-what- do-you-do? First-thing-you-do, head back-to-the-store.

Just have a-nother-sip-of-your-wiiine… Loom-pa. Drink-a. Blah-blah-blah-blah. Erreythins- grate- now. La-la-la-la. Tu-maro- wil- bee- thu- saym- as too-day. Not- mush- haz- chayngd, butt wil- bee- ok. Ooo! Looky-theyr!- A- schilly- lil- man- wit- gren- faceAn he’s dancin-- da da da… Hs sayn sumthn bout doo doo doo doo.” AAAAAND…That pretty much sums it up. I wish everyone a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR and hope that you will have a lot more laughs this year, compared to the last. Can you believe it? When that clock strikes midnight, it will OFFICIALLY be JANUARY 1, 2021! Or, will it? 35