Volume XLIII, Issue 3 by Saint Louis Priory School

SOCCER,SitsPEAKS AND VALLEYS on top of the Metro League P5

IPHONE 5 RELEASED

Major breakthrough?

HERMAN’S BLOG

A comic relief of things that vex Michael P9

NEED A HOMECOMING DATE?

Advice from the Faculty of Priory

Priory football, soccer dominate MICDS

THE RECORD WEEKLY Volume XLIII, Issue 3

News Student Council Update

The Record Staff Editor in Chief: Peter J. Cogan Layout Editor: Jack M. Mueller Content Editor: Patrick C.Lindmark Editor at Large: Thomas S. Burton Faculty Moderator: Chris W. Bailes

The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by students/staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni. The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

News The iPhone 5

By President Andrew Fogarty ‘13

ello, there have been some exciting developments in Student Council over the past few weeks. First of all, the homecoming t-shirts have been finalized! We have decided to create a tank with a beautiful drawing from Grant Dow with a “fear the flow” theme. In addition, we have decided to create a high end Nike t-

shirt using Luke Mcgartland’s design. These are going to be good quality shirts that should last, and I am pleased with the end result. Also, the first Junior School Mixer is quickly approaching. Tickets will go on sale next week, and we have some exciting lighting ideas to change things up. Expect the next mixer to be slightly different

than the ones in previous years due to some great ideas by STUCO representatives. Other events that are quickly approaching include the fan bus and spirit week. I encourage you to talk to your STUCO representative if you have any ideas on how to improve student life however we can. Your ideas so far this year have been great!

Ralph’s Rages

By Fr. Ralph Wright O.S.B.

loria said, “I didn’t think it was gonna be this hot,” wiping the sweat from her forehead. “Well, it’s just what I expected” said Flunk “Rio in June - I knew we were in for kitchen temperatures.” Gloria and Flunk had left the Goldfissionbluechip Inn and after helicoptoring to JFK airport had flown straight to Rio. On the plane there were a few lesser potentates - Heads of State from Less Important countries or hoslics as Gloria casually acronymized them. Flunk had spent the flight taking copies of the Pre-Summit snack poems to all the hoslics and some of the journalists several of whom promised to incorporate them into their stories the following day. “Let’s get to the conference chamber early tomorrow,” Flunk went on, “I’ve xeroxed more copies of the pre-summit verses and

Baked Mostacolli w/ Meat Sauce Steamed Broccoli

Chipolte Chicken Wrap

we can hand them out to all the delegates as they come in. You might send a couple to Ross Perrot ,too,Gloria. He may have a bit more vision than George currently seems to have about all these things. Who knows?” “ Good idea” said Gloria “Maybe we can make a difference after all. I’m specially looking forward to your Eco-Tennis-rama. It should be a great way to end the conference.” The Ecotennisrama that she was referring to was born of an idea that hit Flunk after the pre-summit snack. He was looking for a Fladage - the old flunk adage - to inspire a friendly feeling among all the participants and suddenly the picture of the earth taken from the moon flashed before his eyes. He saw it as a lone tennis ball hurtling across space. The thought occurred. Yes! Why

not? t e n n i s - an acronym to invite the new neighborliness of the ‘space-ship-planet-earth’ concept. The idea that sport rather than war could provide a more apt mode for settling planetary differences. This radical thought was linked to a second: that environmental issues were serious enough to need working on without the economic knife constantly being thrust against the political jugular, as Nan the Nun might have put it. The acronym that sprang to Flunk’s mind was: Teach Earth Neighborliness Now. Instil Stewardship, Within minutes his able mind had come up with the idea of the Ecotennisrama that was to con-

LUNCH

18 Flame Grilled Memphis BBQ Turkey- Chicken Fillet Sandwich Wild Rice Cole Slaw Steamed Green Beans 25 Toasted Rav’s Priory’s Spewith Sauce cial Panini Steamed vegetables

Sloppy Joe Mac & Cheese

Special Meatballs over noodles Fresh Vegetable Medley

submit your article to theprioryrecord@gmail.com

Continued Page 8

Bosco Stick with Sauce Steamed Carrots

Cheese Flatbread Steamed Brocolli

By Luke McGartland ‘14

n Wednesday, Apple held a special event to unveil the iPhone 5, new iPods, and a revamped iTunes. Apple CEO Tim Cook kicked off the event touting the Apple’s recent triumphs, such as 7 million copies of OS X Mountain Lion sold so far. After the bragfest, Apple executive Phil Schiller took the stage and announced the iPhone 5. Apple says that it is the

has now been replaced with a 4 inch one. This added area only affects the height of the phone, and not the width. For instance, a fifth row of icons has been added to the home screen, and widescreen movies will no longer have letterboxes. The last main physical change is a new dock connector called Lighting. The new design is thinner, smaller, and reversible. The inside of the phone

biggest thing to happen to iPhone since the iPhone. The iPhone 5 is 18% thinner than the iPhone 4S and 20% lighter too. For comparison, the width of the metal band the encircles the iPhone 4S is about the thickness of the new iPhone. The device is crafted out of aluminum and glass. Those who have dropped their iPhone and have broken it’s glass back will now rejoice because the back of the iPhone 5 is mostly aluminum. The best part is the new screen. The 3.5 inch screen on previous phones

has also seen drastic improvements. The iPhone 5 runs on the new A6 chip, which offers 2x performance compared to the A5. 4G LTE is now the standard radio on the device and can handle data speeds higher than that of most home’s internet’s. Battery life is still above average with up to 8 hours LTE browsing time. The back camera remains mostly unchanged, except for a harder, more protective cover. However the front facing camera is now HD, and FaceTime calls will be allowed

over cellular for the first time. The iPhone 5 also ships with the latest update to iOS, Apple’s mobile operating system. New features in iOS 6 include an updated Siri, 3D maps, turn-byturn navigation, iCloud syncing, a digital wallet called Passbook, panorama mode, and more. All of Apple’s apps have been updated to fit the new 4 inch Retina Display, and more developers are sure to follow the trend. For now apps that don’t take advantage of the new screen real estate will run unscaled in the center of the screen. T h e iPhone w a s n’t the only n e w t h i n g demoed at the event. The iPod lineup has also been refreshed. The iPod touch now has a 4 Retina Display, a better camera, an A5 processor, the Lighting connector, and a place to attach a wrist loop. For the first time, the iPod touch is available in different colors, as the backplate is now anodized aluminum. It’s even thinner now at an incredible 6.1 mm. These new iPods will also sport iOS 6 and include access to Siri. The 4th generation iPod touch will be available at a reduced price, while the new

5th generation ones start at $299 with 32 gigabytes of storage. The iPod touch isn’t the only iPod getting a makeover either. Apple introduced a redesigned iPod nano at the event. The new iPod nano offers a 2.5 inch touchscreen, and is the thinnest iPod ever at 5.4 mm thick. It can play video, show photos, rewind the radio, track your workouts with Nike+, and can stream music via Bluetooth. Best of all, the new iPods and iPhone 5 come with the new EarPod headphones, which promise better stability in the ear, and vastly improved sound quality. Last but not least, iTunes is getting a much needed overhaul. Coming in October, iTunes will gain a more streamlined interface, similar to that of the music player on the iPad. iTunes will gain a major speed boost, even with more features like better iTunes in the Cloud integration. Content stored in iCloud will show up as if it is located in your library, and you can play it just the same. There also be a revamped mini player and a playlist creation system that will be painless to use. The iTunes store will also gain a new look, on both the mobile and desktop fronts. The new look of the store will provide better music and app discovery, and easier navigation. To wrap it all up, the Foo Fighters held a surprise performance at the end of the event. Just a reminder, the iPhone 5, and the new iPods will be available for preorder on September 14, or you can pick one up on September 21 at your local Apple store.

Remember to come in @ 8:05 on Thursday for STUCO donuts!

Sports

Sports ATHLETE OF THE BIWEEK: Thomas Raybuck By Thomas Burton ‘13

homas Burton: Hello Thomas Raybuck: Oh hey TB: So what are your thoughts on the football team beating MICDS for the first time since 2003?

TR: Well I think it’s a very special feat that our football team accomplished. We practiced really hard that week, we knew what we had to do, and we executed.

TB: Who were some of the stars of the game? TR: Well I have to thank the offensive line for blocking so well and making big holes that allowed us to run the ball effectively and open up the passing game. Also the defense did a great job holding the Rams to only 21 points, so I’d say it was a team effort that won us the game. TB: How did it feel to top 200 yards rushing against your most hated foe? TR: It was definitely a special feeling, but the team win is what’s important, and so I have to put the team victory ahead of personal stats. TB: What do you think the team’s record will be at the end of the year? TR: I can’t say for sure about the record, but I assure you we will be playing deep into November. TB: Is there one person on the team who you have a particularly special relationship with? TR: There is a clear choice. Jacob Walburn TB: Why? TR: Jacob and I score the

points, and Jacob is a young and fierce competitor. He and I share many attributes, and that is why I hold such a special place for him in my heart. TB: I have heard many people call you “Smallbuck,” and more commonly, “Fumblebuck.” How do you respond do these allegations? Are you actually a Fumblebuck? TR: These allegations are outrageous and preposterous. And my response to all those people is that I am much more handsome than they are. TB: If you were a pizza topping, what would you be and why? TR: Canadian Bacon, because even though it’s just ham, I like to be different so I call it Canadian Bacon. TB: Last question. I don’t think you’re good at football. How do you respond to this? TR: Well I have a quote from one of my role models, Krispy Kreme, to answer that question: “All the haters wanna be me.” TB: Well put. Have a great rest of the season. TR: You have a big nose. TB: No.

Ballpark Village Funds Approved

By Patrick Lindmark ‘13

n Tuesday, a Missouri government board approved partial government funding of the newest plans for Ballpark Village, a building development that will be built in the currently empty lot where the previous Busch Stadium stood. Plans for Ballpark Village have been negotiated and struck down many times since the idea began more than a decade ago with the plan to destroy the old Busch Stadium. The current plan entails a total of almost

$700 million worth of development and construction spread out over multiple phases. Phase One, which will cost around $1 million, is scheduled to open in early 2014. Phase One of Ballpark Village will include an Anheuser-Busch building that will include a restaurant, a beer garden, and a rooftop deck with views into Busch Stadium. The next building in Phase One will feature a Cardinals Hall of Fame and museum, as well as a Cardinals themed restaurant

with views into Busch Stadium. Connecting these two buildings will be the Live Plaza. The Live Plaza is a large event space that will hold live events such as concerts, as well as being a great place to watch sporting events. The Live Plaza will feature a 40-foot screen, great audio, and a retractable glass roof. In addition to these key buildings, several other tenants, most likely retail businesses and restaurants, will be announced in the coming weeks. Other

JS Mixer Oct. 5 7:00-9:30 tickets $10 on sale soon!

spaces for offices and residence will be added in future phases of the project around 2016 or 2017. Until then, the empty space will be used for parking. Ballpark Village promises to be an exciting addition to downtown St. Louis and St. Louis nightlife. It will also provide jobs to St. Louis citizens and bring out of town visitors, which will help the area economy.

Football Recap, Big Win versus MICDS Has the Team in High Hopes By Jack Mueller ‘13

ebels came out ill prepared for the speed of one Ezekiel Elliot of the Burroughs Bombers. Elliot, who is committed to Ohio State University , scored 4 touchdowns and rushed 9 times for 104 yards. The Rebels were down 35-0 by the end of Friday night. The game was delayed to Saturday afternoon due to impending weather. Saturday held new promises and a fresh wind for the Rebels who definitely manned up and fought to the very end. Starting with the ball on the 2 yard line with 4 minutes to go in the half, the Rebels scored twice and led the way Saturday to beat the Bombers score-wise 28-24, while losing overall 59-28. It was a sour Friday night loss, but Saturday on the bus you would find only a select few Rebels with their

heads bowed. More than anything the Rebels were struck with the realization that they could be a tremendous force, and a very succesful football team. STATS FROM JBS GAME (rush, yd.s, avg.): RUSHING: Thomas Raybuck 24, 108, 4.5; David Nogalski 19, 36, 1.9; Andrew Rund 3, 13, 4.3 ; Dominic Coppola 2, 10, 5; Taylor Boyce 1, 9, 9. PASSING(comp., att., yd.s, TD, int.): David Nogalski 6, 14, 106, 0, 1; Andrew Rund 1, 1, 7, 0, 0. Recieving(Rec., Yd.s, Avg.): Jack Mueller 2, 34, 17; Dan Watson 2, 16, 8; Patrick Agnew 3, 63, 21. Last Saturday the Rebels were

calm and ready to take revenge on a team they had not beaten since 2003... The MICDS Rams. A consistent rival with the Rebels, the Rams had been success-

ful, even to the State Finals in 2011. However losing 24 seniors cost the Rams dearly. And when Priory’s offensive powerhouse came out to meet the lambs, they Continued Back Page

Soccer Builds Momentum, Hopes High

he Priory Soccer team has gotten off to a solid start this fall. The Rebels have played, arguably, one of the hardest schedules in the state: facing Chaminade (2nd-ranked nationally), CBC (21st-ranked nationally), and Parkway Central (4th-ranked in St. Louis). They placed 6th in the St. Dominic Tournament after playing a great game but lost in penalty kicks to a strong Ft. Zumwalt West team. After the tournament the Rebels started to pick up their game significantly as league play started. Priory routed Lutheran North 4-0 showing their ability to control a game. Tuesday, they took on Metro League rival, MICDS. After going up 3-0 and letting the Rams tie it up at

By Peter Cogan ‘13

3, Taylor Dubray slotted a pass from Sam Newman into the net to push the Rebels to victory. On Thursday the Rebels took on a strong and physical Westminster squad who returned many starters from a team that gave Priory a scare in the district championship a year ago. But the Rebels went out and took complete control of the game, getting the majority of chances on goal and holding Westminster’s offense to practically nothing. The game went into overtime tied 0-0, but it wasn’t even 3 minutes into overtime before Tucker Hively got a breakthrough on the left side and chipped a shot over the goalie to secure a Priory victory. The Rebels are atop the Metro League at 3-0,

and seem to be heading in the right direction. They seemed to have developed a consistent starting line-up with only a few question marks and injuries that have come into play. Overall, Priory will be a fierce comContinued Back Page

Football @ Westminister Saturday @ 1pm

Sports

Opinion & Entertainment

The Legend of the Running Warriors

By Brian Steiner ‘13

he early morning sunlight glinted on the dew-covered grass of Forest Park. The Running Rebels had come to do battle once more, and what a awesome sight it was to behold the spectacle that was the Forest Park XC Festival. Premier teams from across the Midwest had come together to clash on the open grasslands, bringing over than 3,600 runners to the park. The JV was up first at the starting line, paired with thirty-some other teams. The course was wicked fast, yet the runners bearing the Priory insignia were not so foolish as to let the blistering pace burn out their energy. Instead, the red-and-blue pack slowly crept up on the leaders. Pressing past other runners, the wild warriors of the woods of Priory were aiming to make a statement at the finish line, and they did indeed. Freshman Jake Drysdale led the way in a phenomenal 18:57 finish time, but Alexandre Amice (19:05), George O’Sullivan (19:19; this kid ran for FUN for God’s sake, he’s pretty amazing), and Alex Lowell helped slam the door on the competition with a fantastic freshmen front pack. Charlie Lohmann, William Whaley, and Thomas Lowell rounded out the top 7. The team managed to finish an extremely impressive 4th in a loaded field. As the varsity races started, it became clear that the times, thanks to excellent conditions, were going to be very fast. A girls race immediately before the varsity race saw a freshman girl drop what was at that time the fastest girls’ time in the nation. With the varsity hyped up by that exciting finish, they took their starting box by storm. They did, however, have some measure of trepidation: illness had

How To Ask Your Date to Homecoming According to the Faculty

ravaged the top group suddenly, as Andrew Cammon couldn’t come and Ryan Donlin and Tim Avery were running sick. Despite this, the gunshot sent the team streaking off onto the plains. Quickly, Andrew O’Sullivan, Danny Martin, Tim Avery, and Dan Stein established themselves as the leaders for the team, while Donlin, Brian Steiner, Chris Chivetta, and Luke McGartland cruised right behind them. Over the course of the race, the team passed runner and runner to cut through the field. The finish saw Martin pull away to finish first for the team, while Stein and O’Sullivan hit the tape at the exact same time barely 10 secs behind him. Donlin, Avery, Steiner, Chivetta, and McGart-

land followed suit, and the result was one of the tightest spreads of any varsity team at the meet and 6 new personal bests on the team. Then, last Thursday, the team ventured north, to take on the forces assembled at the Lutheran North Invite at Spanish Lake. In this race, varsity and JV ran together, a situation that the tightly-packed team intended to take full advantage of. The course was almost as flat as Forest Park, implying another set of fast times, and the warriors did not intend to disappoint. The start saw Steiner lead the charge over the first mile until O’Sullivan, Avery, and Martin took over by the 2K mark. Meanwhile, Stein, Chivetta, Donlin, and Drysdale were lurking just behind, and the

Soccer Varsity @ Westminster Friday the 28th 4:15

rest of the JV was in hot pursuit. As the runners emerged from the forest onto the final stretch, Martin and O’Sullivan had pushed into the top 10, Stein had overcome Steiner and was racing with Avery, and the second pack had just caught Steiner. Putting the hammer down, the varsity team put its entire top seven (O’Sullivan, Martin, Stein, Avery, Chivetta, Steiner, and Donlin) plus Drysdale into medal range, and with Amice and Cammon right behind, the team took a full third of the top thirty spots. This effort gave them second place behind Clayton. This weekend, the Running Rebels face the best of their class at Jefferson Barracks in the Hancock meet.

By Antonio Petralia ‘14

omecoming is three weeks away. I know, for us guys that seems like an eternity, but to girls it’s absolutely no time at all. That means if you haven’t already done so, now is the time to ask your date to the dance. Now the more creative Priory student might have no problem thinking of the perfect way to pose the question to whichever fine young lady he currently has his eyes on, but if you’re like me, you’re gonna need some help. So for some inspiration, I turned to the wise teachers of our very own school. Here’s what they said:

Ms. Tumminia: “Ooooh.... tell her some sweet lie. ‘I think I’m dying of tuberculosis, and if you don’t come with me, I’ll certainly perish on the way home in the car by myself.’” Dr. Logusch: “I don’t know, I’ve never asked a date to homecoming... Tell her, ‘If you come to homecoming with me, you’ll feel at home.’” Mr. Muench: “I don’t give dating advice.” Mr. Bussen: “Me? I would approach the object of my desire, I would look at the floor, I would stammer, and stutter, and kick my toe into the ground nervously. And then I would mutter something barely audible, after making several qualifications and stories about why this is probably not gonna work out anyway and how it’s useless for me to even ask this question in the first place, and then I would probably run away before even receiving an answer.” Mr. Finan: “Get her a crave case!!!” Br. Andrew, O.S.B: “I would do it in a quiet, private movement. Whatever social situation you get along best in, ask her then. Ask her quietly.” Mr. Huels: “Go to the stadium and have them put it up on the Jumbotron! ‘Julie, will you go to the dance with me?’” Mr. Schake: “Now you’ve gotta be pretty confident, because if she says no it’d be pretty embarrassing, but this is what I’d do. Go over to her

Fr. Augustine, O.S.B.: “Tell them that you wanna be a monk and that’ll make you the forbidden fruit. Then they’ll be twice as likely to go with you. It could be your last date ever!” Coach Rebello: “Just be upfront and honest, just ask them!” Mr. Wenger: “I’m a pretty straightforward guy. I’d just say, ‘Hey, do you wanna come to a dance with me?’ If she says no, I’d find somebody else.” Mr. Heerlein: “Well, first you introduce yourself and tell them when the dance is, and ask if she’d like to accompany you. She may have something else going on, or she may just not like you nearly as much as you like her. But if she has nothing else going on, she might just give you a chance.” house, and bring her a rose. Girls eat that sh*t up, I don’t know why. You don’t even have to spend a fortune, you can go to Dierbergs and get one for a buck!” Mr. Suarez: “What would I recommend? I’m way too old for that...” Mr. Bander: “Well, being a biology major, there are many different methods one could use to attract a suitable mate for potential procreation. I believe one of the more common ways to do this is with an elaborate display, a mating dance, one involving lots of bright colors and fast movements to attract her attention. I would then secrete adequate pheromones to seal the deal by bonding between the two, and hopefully this combination of factors will allure the female to my advances. However with my luck, some big, buff alpha-male will come along and steal her away from me. So that’s how I would approach it, but I wouldnt place my bets on it being successful.” Mr. Gleich: “I went to a seminary! We weren’t allowed to go to dances, or have dates. But I do know of a student who got down on one knee and had his friends serenade her in front of her friends. They’re still going out to this day.”

“Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.” -Oscar

Wilde

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Opinion & Entertainment “I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.” -C. S. Lewis

clude the eartharama in Rio. He contacted Wilson and had cans of fluorescent balls made with his acronym printed on alternate balls. The other ball would be a replica of the earth-seen-from-the-moon picture. Remembering from Shakespeare how tennis balls had been the initial occasion for war in the time of Henry V when the French Prince had sent the English king as a gift a chest of tennis balls, he decided that he needed another adage to turn the tennis ball into a ‘casus pacis’ as opposed to a ‘casus belli’. Spelling the name of Henry V’s great battle, Agincourt, backwards he came up with: ‘Taste Real Unity and Offer Creative New Ideas for Global Autonomy’ Gloria told Flunk that this was all far too subtle for the average Head of State to get digest but Flunk insisted that many of them might have seen the recent video of Henry V and so might get the message - at least subconsciously. The details for the Ecotennisrama were worked out carefully. Each HOS(Head of State) had to bring a tennis poem as his entry ticket and the reader of the best poem would as usual win the right to give a final address to the players at the end of the evening. The game itself was to be played in total darkness with only black light playing on the fluorescent balls. The impression Flunk thought would be a combination of bodies in outerspace and the blind pursuing the blind - neither of which,

he thought, was an inept analogy for potentates attempting to revamp global environmental laws and put some kind of cosmic order into our chaotic eco- whether -nomical or -logical global scene. The congress went more swiftly than many had believed possible. Polished prepared speeches were beginning to raise some hopes and dash others. Before Gloria and Flunk knew where they were, the HOS were filing into the Rio soccer stadium where the Ecotennisrama was due to be played. Before the floodlights were turned off and the HOS took up the fluorescent balls the TENNIS verse competition was announced. A hush fell over the assembled delegates as the first , a young man from England, took the mike. Introducing the poem by saying that he hoped Tennis and the new T.E.N.N.I.S. organisation would reduce world tension and help highlevel negotiators to relax he said: When a highly-strung bishop from Leeds, Whose ulcer still pains him and bleeds, Diverts his high tension To cat-gut dimensions His thoughts are as calm as his deeds. High-tech Japan took up the trend and the assistant HOS delegate, taking the mike from UK, read:

A young Buddhist monk from Japan, Who ponders the essence of Man, With noble reserve Can return any serve And he knows with calm that he can. At this point one of Mitterand’s under-secretaries with the French delegation, still alive to the fact that many eyes had recently been glued to the French Open in Paris, came forward. Calm promotion and Tension reduction are both high priorities,at the global level and for this planning and high level computer-assisted organisation are essential if nations are to be brought beyond Chance towards a greater harmony on planet Earth: A drop-shooting Sister from France Whose feet tread a lyrical dance, Should give some reflection To more genuflection For grace should leave nothing to Chance. At this point President Bush came forward and said “The point that we must all remember is that in our Christian tradition the more powerful are called upon to SERVE the less powerful. My versifier’s verse is entitled: SERVE. With a ritual bounce to create my calm I reach up high with the tossing arm. I watch the ball moving smooth as a peach till it poises a fraction

Have a Glorious weekend!

beyond my reach. My body coils like an archer’s bow I reach back-scratch and then let go. The wrist snaps loose at contact hour, with all my weight I step in with pow’r. As George stood down the verse was greeted with stunned and bemused applause. Nobody was quite sure either what it meant or what heavy, subtle or non-existent implications were imbedded within it. Not to be seemingly outdone the delegate from the newly unified Germany rose promptly and took the mike. The radical rebuilding of the East German economy that was currently under way had made him realize that in our new global world economy we needed to go back to basics. His tennis poem would therefore be simple and would involve simply the ‘Urschlage,’ the groundstroke, as he called it. His advice was: Take your racket back, step into the hit. Watch the ball with all your Wit. Keep der wrist firm and dee smooth follow-through. Recover quickly, your checklist is through.

Opinion & Enterta Michael’s Vexations Blog By Michael Herman ‘14

he type of class that accompanies Taco Tuesday rivals that of an elegantly dressed family at a fine restaurant on Filet Mignon Friday. As I wake up on a Tuesday I do not look forward to much except the obvious of going to sleep in Mr. Hank Schake’s class. Being a growing lad I look

forward to eating and when I arrived to school and saw barbecued turkey I almost died (literally not figuratively). Going to lunch and not getting to engorge myself with sweet sweet tacos is a crying shame. Naturally this vexes me more than ill fitting spandex. My body wasn’t meant to be

compressed like that it is itchy and an overall vexation. In order to get Taco Tuesday I shall be wearing clothing completely made out of tortilla shells and I shall bathe in nacho cheese. I ask all students to join in on the protest. Please help me, yourself and all of the Priory community. Ask not what

the cafeteria can do for you but what you can do for Taco Tuesday.

Major League Baseball Wildcard Predicament

ith the new Collective Bargaining Agreement, another Wild Card spot will be fought for this Fall in baseball. A new round, coined the “Wild Card Showdown” will be a one game playoff between the two teams with the two best records that are not division winners. Sounds like a terrific idea, correct? Sure, it may give teams like the Boston Red Sox, who just missed the wild card spot the past two seasons, a chance to give their season some worth. Since the 2010 and 2011 Red Sox teams had 89 and 90 wins, respectively, they seem to be a valid reason to give this two team wild card system a try. But may I remind you, baseball is a cruel game at times. Had this system been implemented last year, the Atlanta Braves would have not been eliminated from playoff contention on September 28, 2011. Rather, they would have been preparing for this “Wild Card Showdown” against the suddenly relevant, surging Cardinals. All of the hype leading into the playoffs last season for the Cardinals would not have existed to a certain extent, since the ‘second’ wild card spot would have been clinched six days earlier. In such a showdown

By Eric Stange ‘14

scenario, our beloved 2011 World Series Champions would have potentially forgotten; had a few things not gone our way, the Redbirds would have been packing their bags while the Braves fought for postseason glory instead. Also, another hypothetical could be this; the New York Yankees just wrapped up another successful season, finishing with a record of 99 wins and 63 losses. However,

the Red Sox had just beat them out in the American League East, having a record of 100-62. Fear not Yankee fans, the Wild Card is all yours. Some consolation, all you have to do is get by the lowly, 83-79 Cleveland Indians. The only problem is, you LOSE. This, no doubt, would lead to utter turmoil in the baseball world. This simply should not happen. A team deserving of its playoff spot

should have it, no questions or showdowns about it. New playoff rules were made in 19994 to accommodate the expansion teams of the past couple decades. Since then only two teams have been added, which is certainly no reason to change them yet again. Simply put, there are too many problems or discomforts the additional Wild Card will bring. The only solution is to eliminate it.

Check out how the varsity teams fare on stlhighschoolsports.com

Opinion & Entertainment

Puzzles Across

1. Rise 6. Ends a prayer 10. “Wise” birds 14. Located near the poles 15. Portend 16. Poop 17. San Antonio fort 18. Poems 19. Ice cream holder 20. Rancor 22. Ancient Peruvian 23. Twin sister of Ares 24. Boarder 26. Impetuous 30. Picnic insect 31. French for “Summer” 32. Found in some lotions 33. Not nights 35. Deduce

39. Drop sharply 41. Feeling 43. Lofty nest 44. Arab chieftain 46. Wings 47. Unhappy 49. Gorilla 50. Extend credit 51. Mainstay 54. Religious sisters 56. Arithmetic 57. Found on cave ceilings 63. Competent 64. Greek letter 65. Radiolocation 66. Fly high 67. Cooking fat 68. Fragrance 69. A flexible pipe 70. Tall woody plant 71. Burrowing mammals

Down

1. Box 2. Lacquered metalware 3. “Oh my!” 4. What a person is called 5. Pilotless plane 6. Find repugnant 7. Propriety 8. Biblical garden 9. Get cozy 10. Not oriental 11. Not right 12. Javelin 13. Lance 21. Exchange 25. Ear-related 26. Sexual assault 27. Friend 28. Not sweet 29. Half of a sphere 34. Specify 36. Dossier 37. Distinctive flair 38. Marsh plant

40. Lunch or dinner 42. Sporting venue 45. Sea cow 48. Abstain 51. Demolish 52. Forbidden 53. Collection of maps 55. Leave in a hurry 58. See the sights 59. Tropical tuber 60. False god 61. Docile 62. Historical periods

By Mitch Van Bree ‘13

y fellow Rebels, as most of you have been made aware, I hate the local radio stations. The stations are either too busy getting paid to play the top 10 songs, or wishing it was still the 80’s. The problem with this,

Across

37. Make physical contact 38. Disappear gradually 39. Picnic insect 40. Month before April 41. Engine 42. Practice 44. Hearing organ 45. Sheeplike 46. Favorable position 50. Vamoose 52. Holdup 54. Veto 55. Dry 56. Remedy that alleviates pain 58. Stare 59. Passageway 60. End ___ 61. Matured 62. Gloomy, in poetry 63. Lady’s escort

Down

1. Stockpile 2. Not silently 3. 3rd Greek letter 4. Clairvoyant’s gift 5. Twice ten 6. Hurried 7. Ascend 8. Surpass 9. What we sleep on 10. Anew 11. Vest 12. Killer whale 13. Dregs 18. French for “Queen” 22. Arithmetic 24. Temporary living quarters 26. Pledge 28. Two 29. Annul 30. Equal 31. Stigma

32. Sharpen 33. Empower 34. Hair from a mane 37. Mountain pool 38. Garrison 40. Disable 41. Devilfish 43. Avoided 44. Less difficult 46. Country house 47. Licoricelike flavor 48. Donated 49. Put forth, as effort 50. Epic 51. Outcropping 53. If not 56. Cushion 57. Pull

Next Issue: Friday, oct. 5

cided to start this column! I hope to broaden your musical horizons (or at least give you something new to listen to). Since The Record is printed bi-weekly, I will supply you with two songs each time (one for

each week). The first song will be a song with, what I believe to be, a broad appeal. The second song will be more weird and/or obscure. I hope you all enjoy the songs and I’d love to get your opinions each week.

“Apartment” by Young the Giant

Most of you probably know Young the Giant for their songs “Cough Syrup” or “My Body.” But this song surpasses both. The cho-

RIDDLE TIME:

1. An enclosure 5. Pulsate 10. Absent Without Leave 14. “Oh my!” 15. Do without 16. Anagram of “Fear” 17. Compacted 19. Type of cereal grass 20. Make a low continuous sound 21. Go in 22. Plateaux 23. Rapacity 25. Cut of beef 27. One or more 28. Extremely poisonous white fungus 31. Dishonor 34. A low evergreen shrub 35. Half of a pair 36. Masterstroke

is that everyone is sick of the top 10, and 80’s music is bad (with some exceptions). The stations are too busy boxing themselves in instead of exploring new music. And that, my friends, is why I have de1.

The man who invented it doesn’t want it. The man who bought it doesn’t need it. The man who needs it doesn’t know it. What is it?

Riddle Answer: A coffin.

Mitch’s Musical Madness

rus particularly stands out as the best part. It is lower than the rest of the song (which is the opposite of the norm) and it works perfectly! It sits right in the

pocket and resonates with the entire song. This is just a good, solid, rock song that I think you’ll enjoy.

“Fitzpleasure” by ∆ (pronounced Alt-J)

I can’t get enough of this song. It gets better each listen. ∆ is a new band out of England. Those of you that know English bands know that this means it’s way more out of the box than anything coming out of the U.S. This genre

defying song changes styles and dynamics like Dr. Logusch changes test dates. The highlight of the song however, is the juxtaposition of the singer’s nasally, very unique voice and the insane fuzz bass synth. This bass

tone is the most aggressive, growling, in-yourface tone I’ve ever heard. You’re sure to feel like a bad [donkey] when you’re grooving to this song. Best of all, you can get this song on iTunes for free!

LAUS TIBI put them to the slaughter. The run game could not be stopped. Thomas Raybuck and Dave Nogalski both scored twice, with two other touchdowns by John Agnew on a beautiful punt return, and Jack Mueller on a short hitch route. The joy was palpable after

DOMINE

Football, Continued

the game. The Rebels walked away from the 42-21 victory already singing the country songs that awaited them in the lockerroom. STATS FROM MICDS: RUSHING(Rush, yd.s, Avg.): Thomas Raybuck 23, 201, 8.7; David Nogalski 25, 129, 5.2; Dominic

Coppola 5, 47, 9.4; Andrew Rund 4, 14, 3.5; Taylor Boyce 1, 6, 6. PASSING(Comp., Att., Yds, TD, Int): David Nogalski 8, 10, 80, 1, 0. RECIEVING(Rec, yds, Avg): Patrick Agnew 4, 28, 7; Jack Mueller 1, 12, 12; Dan Watson 3, 40, 13.3.

Soccer, Continued

petitor with Lutheran South for the Metro League title, and will have a solid team ready to compete in districts come late October. They play on Monday against

Come out to the Westminister Wildcatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Stadium on Saturday @ 1pm. Where will you be when victory strikes?

Affton, and then have a rematch against Westminster on Friday at 4:15. The game on Friday will be a ferocious battle, so all of you Priory boys better be there.

If you only give 50% in preparing, you can only get 50% of what you could