Volume XLIII - Issue 16 by Saint Louis Priory School

THE RECORD WEEKLY Volume XLIII Issue 16

That’s it for us, for The Record.

COGAN’S FAREWELL ADDRESS Editor hands off reins to the new regime

STUCO SUCCESSION Five bright students gear up to lead school MAN CITY VS CHELSEA EPL comes to St. Louis

RUGBY CONTINUES TO DOMINATE ON THE PITCH State Bound Kwai Nyu defeat DeSmet 28-5

The Record Staff Editor in Chief: Peter J. Cogan Layout Editor: Jack M. Mueller Content Editor: Patrick C.Lindmark Editor at Large: Thomas S. Burton Faculty Moderator: Chris W. Bailes

Information Hello readers of The Record Newspaper,

All good things must come to an end; unfortunately this must also be true for the editors of the

Record. I hope that throughout the year you all have enjoyed each edition we have put out. I think that in general, the student body has held The Record in a positive regard. The editors have worked hard to incorporate many different styles of articles and games into each issue so that they might appeal to different tastes. Whether you picked up an issue for the (somewhat) up-to-date news, the humorous fashion and gossip articles, or simply for the crossword puzzle, we would like to personally thank you for your support throughout the year. Without our readers there would be no point in putting out a school newspaper. I would also like to take this opportunity to thank our many writers we have had this year. Just so all of our readers realize, there was no club period this year for articles to be written. Each of the writers took their own time to write, which is quite a commitment. Please be sure to thank them if you see them in the hallway. I would like to give my last shout out to Jack Mueller, the layout editor. As many of you have noticed, this year we strayed away from the traditional newspaper front-cover to a more modern, magazine look with a more vibrant cover. None of the

The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by students/staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni. The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

changes made to the style of The Record could have been made without Jack, who spent countless hours on the computer perfecting each issue to look its best.

But now the time has come for a new regime to take over The Record. I wish them luck, and I encour-

age all of you readers to give them the same support as you gave us this last year. I also encourage you to give them your input so that newspaper can be the best it can possibly be. And for anybody considering being a staff writer for the newspaper, please act on it because the newspaper is a great organization to be involved in and is a great outlet for your creativity and writing skills. Once again thank you all, please welcome the newcomers when they release their first issue on May 3rd. The Best,

Peter Cogan Peter Cogan Editor in Chief

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Scandals

STUCO Scandal By Thomas Burton ‘13

hroughout the course of the year, many people have been fooled by the façade that this year’s STUCO are good people who have been elected fairly and honestly. Well I have some news for these people: Each and every one of the members of STUCO have been involved and a scandal of some sort. And over the past six months, I have done everything in my power to investigate and uncover each and every one of these scandals. Andrew Fogarty, President: We might as well start from the top--both in terms of position and in terms of gravity of scandal. Andrew, at least on the surface, seems like a nice, upstanding individual. However, he is far from that. Andrew DID get elected to STUCO in a legal manner. However, the real issue lies in the manner in which he was elected president. According to a reliable source within the

administration, Andrew sent various members of the mob to rough up each of the other four senior STUCO members, and made it perfectly clear that Andrew was to be president. And so each of the other senior STUCO members withdrew, one by one, leaving Andrew as the man in charge. Jack Mueller, Vice-President: Meanwhile, Jack, the tallest member of this year’s STUCO, was elected to his position in a perfectly legal manner. However, the issue lies in the decisions he has influenced whilst on STUCO. According to my sources, Jack accepted numerous payments of $100+ dollars from a certain “Tim Bussen.” Rumor has it that Bussen paid Jack off in order to influence important decisions that would eventually lead to the demise of Mr. Suarez.

Peter Cogan, Treasurer: Over the past year, Peter Cogan has been vital to STUCO’s success. However, Cogan should not have been a part of STUCO at all. After Peter was deemed one of two candidates for the final spot, Peter allegedly promised one dollar to one member of the senior class and a soda to the other if they would vote for him. Both members who were allegedly paid HAVE confirmed these rumors, confirming that Cogan should not, in fact, have been elected. Ed Houser, Secretary: Ed Houser has the nicest hair in the school, and that is a fact. For quite a long time, I have admired Ed’s hair from afar. Needless to say, I was shocked when several weeks ago, I witnessed Ed hanging out in the STUCO room without any hair at all. Then, just five

minutes later, Ed walked out of the STUCO room with his full head of hair. This can only mean one thing: Ed’s hair is actually a wig. I realize this may be hard for some of you to cope with, but it is the cold, hard, truth.

John Vitale, Member-at-large: John is one of the most beloved students at Priory. However, as of late, John has been making money in a far-from-legal manner. According to an anonymous STUCO member, John has been stealing funds from STUCO since the beginning of the year. Although I think we can all agree that John has done a marvelous job on STUCO, my opinion of him has certainly gone down since learning of this scandal.

Priory Involved In Massive Scandal By Michael Herman ‘14

s the Rebels’ math team wrapped up a perfect season on their way to the state tournament and eventual state championship it seemed absolutely nothing could go wrong. Pencils were sharpened, pens were filled calculators were oiled and re-batteried. Riding a 24-game win streak with math problems solved that ranged from algebra to inter-galactic upside trigonometry, the team was absolutely unstoppable. They coasted through the state tournament not conceding a single point until the final match where they won by a margin of 46. “It was too easy” boasted Senior Captain Joey

Ciapciak. Although they were plagued by injuries at the start of the year they were always a favorite to win the district. “Our sheer brainpower left other teams absolutely stunned” Reported Ciapciak at press time directly following his State Championship Win. Yet amidst all of the jubilance that followed the State championship win there were those that were skeptical. The fact that a team so talented and with such a broad range of math seemed just too unbelievable to some at the MHSAA mathematics department. After an investigation that left no stone unturned it was

revealed that the Mathletes were receiving special benefits. The team was revealed to be employing pencil boys that would sharpen the pencils of the Mathletes for them so they would not have to get close to the sharp blades of the sharpeners. The investigations also revealed that after every competition the team was receiving brain massages an activity that was banned with the 5th addition of the rulebook in 1996. When asked to comment on the situation Ciapciak stated “It really vexes me that investigators would come up with such egregious lies to tear our team down. We were the

Frisbee @ Wash. U Tomorrow 10:30am

hardest working team in the state and the most winningest team not only in Missouri history but also in the history of the world. “ The outcome of the team is unknown. MHSAA has said they have decided to penalize the program with the death penalty and all of the wins will stand. Only time will tell if the Rebels are permitted to take part in post season play next year but they will be closely watched for some time. I believe without a shadow of a doubt this was the best amateur Math team ever assembled and their win record will not be approached for some time.

Mixer Time (PART III) Junior School Mixer By Dan Stein ‘14

ay 3 is going to be an epic day for all you Junior School-ers (tickets available Monday, April 22). That Friday, from 7-9:30 will be the Spring Mixer, the last mixer of the school year. Get ready for a night of dancing, great music, and fun with your friends. This mixer promises to be the best one yet, so tell all of your lady friends! STUCO has listened to your requests, and we are going to make some good changes for this mixer. First of all, there will be free soda, as usual, but we’re adding Mountain Dew to the mix. Second, want to get a real sugar fix? Candy will be sold for the first time in years at the concession stand throughout the mixer. Third, we are taking your musical opinion into the playlist creation process. We have already had submissions from students from different St. Louis schools on the playlist, but we want to know what you think. But how are you going to tell us? Fourth: There is a mixer event on Facebook for you to make song requests, invite your friends, and give us any feedback about the mixer. You can get to this page by finding it on Priory Stuco’s timeline. Oh, and one more thing. The

advisory that combines to bring the most ladies will win a STUCO-funded food day. That’s right. When you bring your lady friends to the mixer, you are earning a free food day for your advisory. Be the hero that wins it all. And that’s about it for now. Tickets will go on sale Monday April 22, and will be available to be purchased in Mrs. Lane’s office. Join the Facebook event and invite your friends. You only get 6 Priory mixers in your Junior School career, and for many of you, this will be the last one. So live it up and make it count. Spread the word.

Midwest Literary Review Magazine College Athletes Commit

By Peter Cogan ‘13 for an outlet for your work? Well then Are you a burgeoning writer, artist, or photographer looking look no further than the Midwest Literary Review! Priory’s newest publication will be showing off poetry, prose (esp. fiction), studio art (drawings/paintings), and photography from Priory high school students. Teams of multiple editors will go through the work submitted in each category to decide which works will be the best fits for the Review. Submissions and any questions can be directed to executive editor Justin Davis-Morgan (davis-j@stlprioryschool.org) or faculty moderator Fr. Augustine (fraugustine@priory.org). Limit submissions to three or four items per student. More announcements will come soon, and look forward to publication in the spring term!

Baseball MOnday 22nd @ principia

Sports

International Soccer Match To Be Held in St. Louis By George Ahlering ‘16

t. Louis, one of the nation’s largest “Soccer Cities,” will be host to professional soccer once again. History will be made in St Louis when two of the top five English Premier League clubs face off in Baseball Heaven. In addition to being the first professional soccer match in over a decade in St Louis, it will be the first professional, non-baseball sporting event to be held at the new Busch Stadium. On Thursday May 23 at 7:15, Chelsea will face Manchester City in an exhibition match at the stadium. But just because this is an “exhibition” match, you shouldn’t expect it to be friendly. Recently Manchester City barely edged out Chelsea 2-1 in the FA Cup Semifinal. And it is guaranteed that Chelsea will be looking for revenge. Currently, Manchester City is ranked at 2nd place and Chelsea is at 4th in the Barclays Premier League. Each of these teams has some of the top players in European soccer on its roster. Samir Nasri, Vincent Kompany, Sergio Kun Aguero ,Carlos Tevez, Joe Hart

and Yaya Toure all play for Manchester City. While Oscar, Frank Lampard, Ramires, Ashley Cole, Juan Mat and Eden Hazard will be representing Chelsea in the match. Furthermore, both teams had great seasons last year. Manchester City took the title in the 2012 Champions League and Chelsea won the 2012 Premier League Championship. This match may pave way for other professional soccer games and rumor has it that it could lead to a World Cup Qualifying match in St. Louis. Tickets went on sale on Monday April 2 and sold out in just minutes. But no need to worry, tickets are being resold through StubHub and other ticket selling companies. The fact that “Standing Room Only” tickets are selling on StubHub for upwards of $135 indicates how this match is being received by St. Louisans. This match is well long worth the long wait. If you haven’t already bought a ticket, I strongly suggest you do. Witness and be a part of St. Louis history.

Busch Stadium could never host an official EPL match, however, because the field is a few yards short of regulation.

Lacrosse game Coming soon

Sports

Lax Update: Rebels Dominate SLUHsers 9-2 By Taylor Dubray ‘14

s the Rebels arrived at the SLUH campus last Friday night, they might as well have stepped onto another world. Spiffy looking young men dressed in polo shirts and khaki shorts seemed to be everywhere in sight. Every student looked the same, as if part some tall and handsome alien race. The team continued walking, and soon lacrosse sticks replaced the Starbucks cups and iPhones they had seen in the hands of these strange folk just minutes before. As they walked past these students, they overheard conversations about “going out” and “hitting up a sweet party,” things unheard of at Priory. The lacrosse team finally reached the field, spooked, but ready to play this strange opponent. From the sound of the whistle, the Rebels knew they were in for a fight. Luck-

ily, the Rebels had trained hard and were in superb shape for the game. They ferociously attacked every ground ball, and played the toughest defense SLUH had seen all year. The attack and middies were able to control the ball on offense, creating an early goal by George “Ripper” Paletta. From that point on, the Rebels could not be stopped. Everything seemed to be clicking. The defense would make a stop and clear the ball up to the middies, who would find an open attack man for another goal. The half ended with the Rebels leading 4-0. After halftime, SLUH came out playing even harder, determined to make a comeback in the game. The Rebels were not about to let up, so the game became very physical. The lacrosse turf soon became a minefield, and players were getting

blown-up left and right. Harry Flotron established himself as the “goon” of the defense, pancaking more SLUHsers than an IHOP on a Sunday morning. With so much fear in the backfield, the attack and middies were able to go to work. Freshman Thomas “Wease in the Crease” also scored a nifty goal, quick-sticking the ball right between the goalies

legs. The Rebels scored five more goals that half, making the win that much sweeter. The game ended with the Rebels dominating SLUH 9-2, bringing the team to a season record of 4-0. The Rebels lacrosse team is feeling better than ever, and is looking to have yet another undefeated season.

STUCO Succession By William O’Brien ‘14

he end of the school year is a period of transition: from school to summer, from homework to freedom, from possibly flabby to a toned and tan body, and finally the transition from this year’s STUCO to a new group next year. This year’s STUCO has done a great job making school events such as Rebel Rock, Homecoming, and even the morning assemblies entertaining for all (the talent of the week gets me every time). But

their term is ending, and the future STUCO has been elected. Chris Chivetta, Dan Stein, Luke McGartland, Taylor Dubray, and Cole Wagner will be the school’s leaders next year, though their exact positions are still undecided. This group has four members who have served in years past, and one who will be serving his first ever term on STUCO. The only newcomer to the group, Taylor Dubray, has the confidence of a veteran. When

I asked him how he felt about being the only new member, he said, “I mean I play lacrosse, and that’s basically the same thing right? I’ll be fine”. The five were chosen by a landslide, meaning that the junior class was united in the belief that they could guide the school well, and help make the school better for the student body. They have high expectations, but they seem up to the challenge. The first thing that they have to tackle is to decide

upon positions: from President to Member at Large. The school eagerly awaits their decision, but we (the students) are not quite ready to say goodbye to this year’s senior STUCO. They have done a great job through and through, and they deserve a proper goodbye. To the senior members who served this year, thank you. To the juniors who will lead the school next year, good luck. Stay classy Priory.

CHECK OUT HOW THE VARSITY TEAMS FARE ON STLHIGHSCHOOLSPORTS.COM

Sports

Baseball Off To A Hot Start By Andrew Rund ‘16

he Priory Baseball team is 5-5. The team is certainly not satisfied with this record but hopes to have a very strong second have of the season. Meanwhile, I would like to have a Q and A with star sophomore shortstop Dominic Revetta and freshman second baseman Clayton Hamby. These two make up a very young and talented middle infield. Q. So boys I would like to ask you how you two get along off and on the field? Dominic: On the field we’re pretty tight, off the field not so much. Clayton: Dom and I are pretty much in-

separable on and off the field. Q I was wondering what you guys think about our fans this year? Dominic: Fan support is good but I’m hoping to see a lot of fans at our upcoming home games on Tuesday against Principia and especially against Westminster the Tuesday after that. Clayton: It only really matters if my mom shows up and she’s been there at every game so I would say the fan support is great. This concludes are Q and A segment so please come and watch the Priory baseball team finish the season strong.

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Priory Rugby Dismantles Jeff. City in Blowout Win By Justin Davis-Morgan ‘13

wai Nyu Rugby has been continuing an excellent streak since Spring Break. After defeating Jefferson City in mid March, Priory learned that this victory had earned it a place in the state playoffs in Kansas City. The 4-team division which both squads were a part of had been reduced to three when Southside’s team combined with Marquette, meaning that one victory guaranteed a state qualifier. On April 4, Priory faced that Marquette team on the home field. This was a game full of long runs on both sides of the field, and Priory crossed the try line 9 times in a [53-5] blowout. Patrick Schafer and Paul Deschler each scored a try; Logan Wende and Connor Bick each scored two; and Peter Krewet had three scores. Big runs were also burst by Stephen Millsap, Ed Houser, Wyatt Gale, and others. Kwai Nyu dominated in the scrum for the majority of the

game, often turning losing scrums back their way. The defense was also quite stout, with the exception of small breakdowns near the ends of the first and second halves: a potential Marquette try in the first half was ruled out of bounds right before halftime, while a touch in the back of the goal zone was ruled in during the second half. The next week, Priory had its first away game at CBC. Kwai Nyu’s offense again proved to be explosive, and six tries were scored in a [38-0] rout. The scorers were John Houser, who scored the first try of the game, John O’Brien, Peter Krewet, Andrew Jones, Ed Houser, and Logan Wende. Patrick Schafer made four out of six extra kicks, a great feat considering that this game was a very windy one, and that Schafer often has to kick from the edges of the field. In a smaller plot of the rugby season, prop Wyatt Gale still has yet to defeat his curse: though

he gets the ball often in games, he has not scored a try this season. Kwai Nyu currently holds a 4-0 record in the regular season, and is scoring an average of 44 points per game; opponents have only scored on Priory once. The greatest challenge yet will come on Thursday, April 18, when Priory faces a well-coached DeSmet team that has won state 3 times - their record is 2-3 in the regular season. The game will be on the home field at 4:30, so be sure to come see the game. Enne Mba Enne!

NEXT ISSUE: friday, May 3

Doc’s Vacation

Doc’s Summer Trip, Part II By Jarret Lowell ‘14

owever, the rest of the people Doc encountered in the Republic of Congo were a nightmare. He was in the “Garden of Eden” and the “Heart of Darkness” at the same time. Doc spent over $2,000 in cash for paying bribes and being swindled by the local people. The people were “ ignorant, corrupt, and conniving.” They willingly victimized Doc at every twist and turn. Officials in airports, military people, hotel managers, and taxi drivers saw Doc as an ATM. They saw that Doc was the only American around and treated him as if he were free money. In the airports, they repeatedly took his passport and wouldn’t give it back until he paid them. They did this in a rude, sarcastic way. Doc was carrying $3,500 on his person, but he lost most of it from being swindled. While he was in the Congo Basin, Doc saw two of the most beautiful birds in Africa. The first one was the Emerald Cuckoo. The male bird was a dazzling green and yellow. This bird was the top bird on Doc’s watch list, and he saw it on the last bird walk of the last day near the Sangha River. Doc also saw the Blue Cuckoo-Shrike. Slightly larger than a pigeon, this bird has a glittering, electric blue color all over its body. It shines like fluorescent light. The Blue Cuckoo-Shrike only lives in the Congo Basin. Doc saw a pair of them. When their stay at the tourist lodge came to an end, Doc got airplane tickets from the Sangha River back to Brazzaville. Doc and Jacques weren’t able to get these tickets on their initial journey to the Sangha. However, they thought that it would take too long to travel back by bus to Brazzaville. They bought plane tickets. It took two hours for Doc

and Jacques to make it to the gate. They had to bribe their way there. When everyone got to the gate, the flight was cancelled. There was no other flight for three days. Doc and Jacques were in a little bit of trouble. They had to get to Brazzaville by 6:30 the next morning. Brazzaville was 900 km south of the Sangha. The $400 plane tickets were a complete waste. Not knowing what to do, Doc and Jacques finally found a guy with a Nissan van who could drive them to Brazzaville. Doc had to pay $800 for the ride, but he saw no other way to catch their plane out of Brazzaville in time. The van was in absolutely terrible condition. It was run-down and derelict with no working lights except a spotlight taped on the front of the car. It had no suspension, so Doc and Jacques were in for a very bumpy ride. As soon as they boarded the van, nine local people loaded a ton of produce and potatoes, and they all climbed into the van with Doc and Jacques for free. They were crammed like that for 14 hours all the way back to Brazzaville, all afternoon and all night. None of the locals thanked Doc for paying for the ride. The roads were slippery and muddy, and the driver drove as fast as he could. Doc and Jacques were crammed into the front seat, and Doc was closest to the window. Since it was so hot, the window remained down for all 14 hours. Doc was caked with red dirt and sand and couldn’t get any sleep because it was so bumpy. After thirteen and a half hours, they encountered one of many road blocks. The van was forced to stop. A policeman dressed in a military uniform came up to the front passenger window of the van. He was apparently high on something because his eyes were

rolling around in his head. The man saw Jacques and Doc in the front seat and immediately told them to get out of the van. He took their passports and tried to scare them with his billy club. The driver of the van got out and tried to translate, but the policeman led Jacques and Doc away from the van to a nearby shack. The shack was wooden and had only a bed and a desk. The bed was occupied by another policeman. The policeman whose eyes were rolling around in his head kicked the sleeping policeman in the ribs and ordered him out. He then sat Doc and Jacques down at the desk and screamed at the them while waving his club around. In Doc’s opinion, the policeman was probably high on brown-brown (a mix of cocaine and gunpowder), a drug that is popular in tropical Africa, snorted out of gunpowder cartridges. Doc and Jacques weren’t sure what to do. They had a plane to catch in Brazzaville, but they were stuck in a shack with a crazy policeman who was on the verge of killing them. Doc and Jacques were both very scared. All of a sudden, Jacques stood up, grabbed their two passports, and shook the policeman’s hand and thanked him. The man was astonished. Doc played along with it. Then, Doc and Jacques simply walked out the door of the shack and went back to the van. They got away. Doc was completely frazzled by the encounter with the policeman. His teeth were chattering, and he was shivering. He stayed that way for the rest of the journey to the airport in Brazzaville. The van driver dumped Jacques and Doc at the gate of the airport. They were the first customers of the day. However, the Brazzaville airport would not accept their tickets.

Doc and Jacques had to buy new ones before they could finally get on the plane. Doc was heading to South Africa to stay with Jacques for a week before heading with him to Madagascar. The whole way to South Africa, people kept asking Doc why he was so dirty. Doc couldn’t clean himself up after being hit with red dirt the whole ride to Brazzaville because there was no running water anywhere. Doc has decided that he will never go back to the Republic of Congo even though he thinks it’s the most beautiful place in the world. He was ripped off by too many corrupt people at every twist and turn. He had experienced “the taxi ride from hell.” The only good that came out of the taxi ride was the fact that 2 Blue Cuckoo-Shrikes flew in front of the van about two hours into the trip. Doc will forever remember having seen those $1200 birds. He had paid $800 for the van ride and $400 for the plane tickets that went down the drain. After recovering from his journey to the Congo for about a week in South Africa, Doc was ready for the next phase of his trip: Madagascar. Doc was in Madagascar for over three weeks. The country of Madagascar is about the size of California. It has all kinds of extraordinary habitats, ranging from arid deserts to steamy tropical rainforests to flat grasslands to rugged mountains. However, the people of Madagascar live in horrific poverty, especially in the capital city of Antananarivo. Doc saw neighborhoods built in open sewage with garbage floating in it. The main tourist areas in Madagascar are the beach resorts because the rest of the county is so poor. However, these resorts are havens for sex tourism. European men go there to have

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understand

The Conclusion sex with girls. Although it is illegal, it is tolerated. Couples in coastal Madagascar rejoice when a daughter is born because they know that she’ll be making money by the time she is a teenager. Doc lived in a bungalow at one of these beach resorts. Every time he went to the beach, he would be accosted by local men. The same thing happened during every encounter. The men wanted to sell Doc something to try to make money. They always carried buckets of lobsters. They would ask, “You want to buy a lobster? You want to buy Marijuana? You want to buy a woman?” Doc would an-

fied. Doc had seen locust swarms before but never as massive as this. Doc described the mass of locusts as having “biblical proportions.” The swarm lasted for five to ten minutes, but finally the sky cleared. All the locusts landed on the ground, covering the road and grass but not rocks. The car was finally able to drive forward with a clear vision of the road ahead, and it crushed thousands of locusts as it drove along. While in Madagascar, Doc saw 115 different species of birds he had never seen before. He also identified 21 different mammals and reptiles. Most of the animals

ft boat and an extremely bumpy ride. Once they reached the peninsula, it didn’t take long to find the Helmet Vanga. The Helmet Vanga was one of the main reasons that Doc wanted to go to Madagascar. He had seen the bird in the National Geographic magazine, and he fell in love with it. Doc and Jacques had a dicey boat ride back from the peninsula. There was a storm in the forecast, and Doc and Jacques needed to get back to the mainland. They had to leave the peninsula at 4 o’clock in the morning. It was pitch dark, and there was driving rain. The boat had no lights, and the helms-

or weasels but are slightly larger. Doc saw two mongooses from two different species. He first saw a Ring-tailed Mongoose. In Doc’s opinion, this is one of the most beautiful mammals in the world. It is very red in color and has pastel blue stripes on its tail. A Ring-tailed Mongoose almost touched Doc. It walked right past him. Next, Doc saw the rarest mongoose of them all: the Brown-tailed Mongoose. Even the local guides had never seen it. However, Doc saw a pair of them. Brown-tailed Mongooses have very thick, luxuriant, blackish-brown coats. They have shiny

swer “No” to all their questions. The men were shocked when he showed no interest in food drugs or a woman. Doc told the men that he wanted to be left alone, and then they would leave him. Doc found himself in a locust plague in Madagascar. Doc was riding in a car with Jacques and a local guide. Out in the distance, he saw swirling, storm-like clouds, moving closer to them every second. But they were not clouds. They were swarms of millions of locusts, which are big brown grasshoppers. Before they knew it, the grasshoppers closed in on all sides and enveloped the car. Doc and Jacques couldn’t see anything. The locusts bombarded the car like hail. Doc felt safe inside the car, but Jacques was terri-

in Madagascar don’t live anywhere else in the world. Many of the mammals Doc saw were lemurs, which are a family of primates. There are 102 different species of lemurs in Madagascar, and Doc saw 12 of them. Doc’s most distinguished sighting was the Helmet Vanga. The Helmet Vanga is the most beautiful, sought-after bird in Madagascar, and it is extremely rare. It has a massive, glowing blue beak and very large white eyes. It only lives in the most remote tropical rainforests in Madagascar. To get to these rainforests, Doc and Jacques had to take a two hour motor boat ride across the open sea. The rainforest was located on a peninsula. The motor boat ride was very uncomfortable. It was an open 21

man had to use the stars as his guide. In Doc’s opinion, the returning boat ride was way scarier than the ride out to the peninsula. The other reason Doc wanted to go to Madagascar was to see the Comet Moth. The Comet Moth only lives in Madagascar. It is very large, has very long tails, and is yellow in color. Doc learned about the Comet Moth at age 10, and ever since then, he has wanted to see one and own a specimen. He saw a live Comet Moth and bought a mounted specimen in perfect condition, which he brought home with him to St. Louis. Both of his dreams came true in Madagascar. Madagascar has 6 species of mongooses. Mongooses are elongated mammals that look like minks

yellow-white eyes. It is one of the rarest animals in the world, and Doc was able to see two of them. Nobody takes vacations better than Doctor Ritchie. Doc and his friend, Jacques, travelled to some of the most remote places in the world. Yet, they were his favorite and least favorite places in the world. He loved the beauty of nature, but the local people victimized him. The Congo Basin and Madagascar are places that both attract and repel him at the same time. Doctor Ritchie is truly an inspiring traveller. Doc finished telling his great adventure with these words: “Few people have seen the Pithacartes or the Blue Cuckoo-Shrike or the Brown-tailed Mongoose, and I am blessed to be one of those few.”

ding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Puzzles Across

1. Duplicate 6. A lightly-hit baseball 10. Competent 14. Bees live in them

15. Again 16. Plant fiber 17. Notions 18. Unusual 19. Docile 20. Rectification

22. Arab chieftain 23. Sleigh 24. Menace 26. Harbor 30. Half of a pair 31. Nevertheless

32. Found in some lotions 33. Contributes 35. Indian prince 39. Netlike 41. Duo

43. Unsuccessful person 44. Back 46. Not fat 47. 7 in Roman numerals

49. Consumed food 50. Terminates 51. Extreme cruelty 54. Ploy 56. Twin sister of Ares

57. Capable of being penetrated 63. Hindu princess 64. Assist in crime

65. Shot from a bow 66. Chocolate cookie 67. Misplaced 68. Frighten

69. Alert 70. Initial wager 71. Fruity-smelling compound

1. Fashionable 2. Adriatic resort 3. Not under 4. Close 5. S S S S 6. Mixologist 7. Unassisted 8. Roman emperor 9. Twice ten 10. A delayed flavor sensation 11. Hold responsible 12. Female demon 13. Put forth, as effort

21. A loose outer garment 25. Protagonist 26. Part of a rachet 27. Margarine 28. Steals 29. Video entertainment 34. Figurine 36. One of the 4 gospels 37. Among 38. Female chickens 40. Colored part of an eye

42. Seize 45. Sincere 48. African antelope 51. Goat antelope 52. A kind of macaw 53. Restaurant 55. Delete 58. Black, in poetry 59. Circle fragments 60. Rascal 61. Old stories 62. Pitcher

Cryptogram - A Truer Challenge

Down

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Rugby match State tournament in KC

Music

Mitch’s Musical Madness By Mitch Van Bree ‘13

I Cut Like A Buffalo

If you don’t know, The Dead Weather is one of Jack White’s bands. If you don’t know who Jack White is, for the love of God please figure out! This song is one of the darkest blues-rock songs that I’ve ever heard. It’s pure dark brooding (subdued) energy packaged into a song. Although the song is based around a single repeating riff, it contains some insane runs that would be impossible to replicate without tons of practice. Blast this in your car and groove down the highway.

If I Had A Gun

Noel Gallagher is one of the Gallagher brothers who fronted Oasis. With the exception of naming bands, Noel is musically better than his brother, Liam, in just about every way. This song has that classic Oasis sound (the chords are literally the same as Wonderwall but in a different order) but still manages to differentiate itself. Bottom line is this song is catchy and Noel’s voice is phenomenal on this track.

LAUS TIBI

DOMINE

Update on the Economy By Eric Stange ‘14

ecently, one might have noticed the Dow Jones Industrial average to reach a new high several days in a row- en route to a record close. However, much to the chagrin of keen investors, the Dow has plummeted back to the position it was when the climb began, the fall albeit quicker than the rise. This has led many people to ponder why this has happened. First, this is not at all unexpected for some. Such a rise, record it may be, may just be relative. Therefore, no genius in the Oval Office is behind this occurrence. I subscribe the following ideals. The past rise is partly due the major crisis in Cyprus being averted. Honestly, the whole dilemma in Cyprus could have damaged the Euro entirely. Secondly, rises are

not uncommon. The fact a rise occurred for how many odd days in a row could just be a coincidence. However, as great as that hot streak was, I believe many people were not confident it would be a strong indicator of improvement. These uncertainties have become manifested in this recent, crashing, down turn. With the omnipresent uncertainty of the impact of Obamacare, millions are unsure the economy will be able to take off with the current President in office. Currently, only a few states have completely signed off on Obamacare, leaving only the federal backup change to take the brunt of the funding. Very recently, Senator Max Baucus has condemned Obamacare as a “train wreck” citing “no results.” Bau-

cus is a Democratic Senator from Montana. He is one of the strongest, earliest backers of Obamacare, as well as President Obama. He is also on the Senate Finance Committee. This is not some minnow crying out for help. What is this if not betrayal? Baucus is being matter of fact, stating that Obamacare will not work. The man is seemingly the most qualified man to make such a statement. Furthermore, he has been a Senator since 1978, through all the trials and triumphs of the past three and a half decades. In addition, he was also one of four Democrats to vote against the Senate Democrat’s budget plan. This is a very interesting development in a tried and true politician that may be experiencing a change in ideals

he has stood for for so long. His worries could be a microcosm of a multitude of the American people. Another point of hesitance in the economy is the bubbling insecurity in North Korea. Whether they own intercontinental ballistic missiles is irrelevant. Whatever weapons North Korea possess are indeed dangerous, and more importantly it is what that country can start, not launch, which is the problem, which would be a nuclear war with whatever allies they have, rogue or official. In conclusion, it is perhaps misguided with everything going on to believe in an immediate economic shift in a positive direction due to the circumstances upon the nation.

Fr. Augustine Under Suspicion By Jack Mueller ‘13

ather Augustine has recently raised suspicions about the whereabouts of his two nieces. Visibly equipped with lances, their jingling coat pockets alluded to more hidden weaponry. As far as his motives, Fr. Augustine has been seen with School and Monastery blueprints, gallon buckets of trinitrotoulene, aluminum shavings and rust, with magnesium ribbon and remote detonators. He claims it’s for a “freaking sweet juggling performance” but those of us who know better (everyone) is wary that Graduation might be a coup, whereupon those two ferocious lady warriors on left will assassinate important members of the administration, as well as the rising senior student coucil. I understand this is a lot to extrapolate from this picture and mere word of mouth. But a wandering goose who spoke to me (Mr. Wenger told me that those breath strips were “special”) definitely agreed with the suspicions and said even that he heard the sounds of metal hitting wood and those same two little girls training in krav maga in the monastery woods. If you have any information please inform me via morse code on the bathroom stall during 1st senior study hall on the first Wednesday of May. Over and Out.

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