Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Record First Ever Thanksgiving Edition

Volume 41, Issue 11

The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School since 1960

The Great Turkey Day The single greatest holiday of all-time has arrived.

Kevin H. Hess, ’11 Editor in Chief

That’s right. The greatest day of the year has finally arrived. It. Is. Thanksgiving. You might find yourself asking: why does this crazy man think that this holiday is so great? Well, to all of you I respond that Thanksgiving is the day that has the single greatest combination ever, the F-trifecta: family, food, and football.

Everyone loves the family aspect of Thanksgiving. We all get to see out of town family members but without having to worry about buying them gifts

or other stresses that come with visiting family in the Christmas season.

Thanksgiving food. Where to even start. Thanksgiving is the most delectable and fantastic eating day of the year-simply undebatable. No matter how you prepare it (unless of course you cook it in a garage fire), turkey, king of the poultry, sits high on its throne on Thanksgiving. It’s just too good. Plus, what would Thanksgiving be without a post-dinner, turkey-induced nap? The answer: just a normal holiday. After turkey, there is simply a cornucopia (pun intended) of different specialty foods on display on Thanksgiving.

Personally, my family goes with the

traditional must-have mashed potatoes and gravy but, also, a sweet potato casserole that is simply heavenly.

However, the list goes on-and-on, stuffing, green beens, cranberries, and of course the showcase dessert. The dessert must be one of two. The those elegant eaters, pumpkin pie is the crown on their dinner, however, other feasters have been known to lean more towards a pecan pie. This dangerous decision away from pumpkin pie can only be made at one’s own risk.

I could (and would love to) go on about Thanksgiving dinner all day, but I have to touch on the last of the (Continued on last page)

Editorials The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

The Record Staff Editor in Chief:

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Kevin Hess ’11

Zach Weiss, ’11

Layout Editor:

David Taiclet, ’11

Content Editors:

Jon Gower, ’11 Sam Sagartz, ’11

Faculty Moderator:

Mr. Matthew L. Barrett

In this issue...

Editorial Writer

Mr. Jacob Martin, ’11 Zach Weiss, ’11 Jack Wegmann, ’11 Sam Sagartz, ’11 Jack Schmerold, ’12 Luke Slabaugh, ’12 Colin Kopsky, ’12 Andy Hernandez, ’12 John Austin, ’14 Alex Hill, ’15 Artie Hidalgo, ’15

The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by student editors/ staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni.

The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit.

Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

“Land ho!” the man in the crow’s nest shouted, although from the deck far below the New World hardly seemed a speck on the horizon. The old man strained to get a glimpse of the approaching mass, muttering to himself as the salt-spray stung his aged, wrinkled face.

The journey from England had been long and arduous, and he would be grateful to set his ancient feet on dry land once again, even if he greeted all the other Pilgrims with a perpetually sour expression. He was not a people person.

As the Mayflower plowed into what would one day become Massachusetts, the old man lit his pipe, took a puff, and then exhaled rapidly, hoping the billowing smoke would hide the look of relief on his face. It was only a few years ago that he had discovered tobacco, but it was fast becoming his favorite vice. The other Pilgrims who shared a cabin with him on the Mayflower wanted to complain about how the scent clung to him, how they could smell it from across the ship’s narrow hallways and

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 11 how it permeated their sleeping quarters, but with all the people dying of disease they knew it was the least of their worries. Well it was all over now, the old man thought, the only way they’d ever catch a whiff of his tobacco was if it was borne on the New England wind.

He didn’t trust the Indians. He wasn’t a very trusting person. He would often pick one or two children who occasionally misbehaved and blame them for everything.

However, he couldn’t blame those children, or the Indians, for a particularly harsh winter. The Pilgrims were unprepared; they didn’t know this new land, and when harvest time arrived, all that they reaped was the fruit of their own ignorance. But these natives were willing to help, and if they wanted to provide him with food the old man wasn’t about to complain.

A peace treaty (or something like that, the old man never claimed to keep up with the goings on around town) had recently been concluded between the settlers and the Indians, and now there was to be a large feast to celebrate. The old man took his place at the table and greedily munched on some turkey. The day seemed unimportant to him at the time, but even today, centuries later, Hank Schake would remember it as his very first Thanksgiving.

Grinds My Gears Mr. Jacob Martin, ’11 Editorial Writer

Gentlemen, it is that time of year again.

Indeed, Thanksgiving draws nigh. And do you know what really grinds my gears? In order to fully explain, you, my loyal reader, must know one thing about turkeys. Adult male turkeys are known as Toms. That’s fine; there is absolutely nothing wrong there. What are the young male turkeys called? Those, dear reader, are known as Jakes. I will not stand for sharing my name with a bird, even if it is an abbreviation that almost no one uses. It’s bad enough that apparently a bunch of underclassmen have the audacity to try and share my name, but birds?

There’s a little known fact about birds: they have no control over the muscles controlling their bladders or bowels. They cannot hold in anything when they feel the slightest urge to release. And so it was that a bird once soiled my leg not once, but twice. Needless to say, I

moved out from under that tree, but the fact remains that I had to clean off my leg. Twice.

Within an hour. Also, Alfred Hitchcock once made a movie about birds (I believe it was called The Birds) and if one were to ask me, I would say that the birds themselves were not portrayed in a flattering way. It is said that the Native Americans were actually reticent to eat turkeys because they felt guilty for hunting a bird so timid.

Shame on you, Native Americans. Any bird that tries to steal the name of a man is not timid. Its trickery is rivaled only by the trickery of some sort of larger bird, or perhaps a cat or hippie. Even some sort of flying hippie-cat would be hardpressed to be as deceptive as a turkey. I write this to warn the authorities that if some bird tries to buy things with my debit card or get into movies with my ID, that is not me; it’s the turkeys. I’m fairly certain I saw one watching me enter my PIN number the other day, so I know what’s coming. I have a warning to the (Continued on last page)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 11

College Football Chaos Sam Sagartz, ’11 Content Editor

With the final weeks of the season approaching, college football fans are beginning to look for some clarity in terms of conference champions and BCS games. Unfortunately there isn’t any to be found yet, but I’ll do my best to shed some light on the current bowl and conference championship outlook.

Big East: I decided to start with the Big East mainly because its automatic bowl bid disgusts me so much that I wanted to get it out of the way. Although West Virginia does have a better record (7-3) than Pittsburg (6-4), winning games in the Big East is not a very challenging feat. The Big East is so bad (how bad is it?) that if Pittsburg, the current frontrunner for the conference championship, were in different automatic BCS qualifying conference, it would be the seventh best team according to record in the Big 12, 6th in the ACC, 8th in the Big Ten, 5th in the Pac-10, and 8th in the SEC. How awful is it that an unranked team, with unimpressive wins, is going to be in a BCS bowl - a so-called showcase for the best teams in college football?

Expected representative in BCS game: Pittsburg in the Fiesta Bowl ACC: Although the ACC doesn’t have any top 15 teams, the fact that it has nine bowl qualifiers makes #16 Virginia Tech’s 9-2 record relatively impressive, especially because one of its losses was a 33-30 loss to national championship contender Boise State. In addition to Virginia Tech’s impressive season, both Florida State and NC State are currently 8-3 and are ranked 22nd and 23rd respectively. The ACC certainly isn’t one of the premier conferences in the nation ( r a n k e d 7th o u t o f t h e 1 1 F B S conferences), but Virginia Tech should put up a good fight in its BCS game.

Expected representative in BCS game: Virginia Tech in the Orange Bowl Big 12: After having three teams ranked in the top 10 of the preseason AP poll (#5 Texas, #7 Oklahoma, and #8 Nebraska) the Big 12 definitely underwhelmed its fans this season.

Opinions and Entertainment The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School Nobody knows what happened to Texas as the Longhorns are the worst team in the Big 12 South and will be fighting this weekend just to be bowl eligible.

Oklahoma and Nebraska have had decent seasons, but neither lived up to their lofty expectations. Nevertheless, a shining star emerged from the Big 12 with Oklahoma State. Having started the season unranked, the Cowboys have suffered only one loss this year, but will face their hardest challenge this Saturday when Oklahoma comes to town. If they can come up with a win, they will likely face Nebraska, to whom they suffered their only loss this season, in the Big 12 Championship Game. The winner of this game will go to a BCS game.

Expected representative in BCS game: Oklahoma State in the Fiesta Bowl Big Ten: This is definitely the most complicated championship race in the nation right now. #7 Wisconsin, #8 Ohio State, and #10 Michigan State are all tied with overall records of 10-1 and conference records of 6-1. With the last Saturday of the regular season approaching for the Big Ten, no one knows who will come out on top.

Because of the three way tie, and the lack of head to head advantages, the Big Ten representative in the Rose Bowl will be the highest ranked team at the end of the season. However, there is a good chance of the second place team making a different BCS game. Michigan State’s only hope to get into any BCS bowl is a loss by either Wisconsin or Ohio State. If Ohio State wins big against Michigan this week, and Wisconsin doesn’t crush Northwestern, the Buckeyes would have a good chance to leapfrog the Badgers in the final BCS standings. Thankfully, this mess will be cleared up next year when the Big Ten splits into two divisions with a conference championship at the end of the season.

Expected representatives in BCS Games: Ohio State in the Rose Bowl and Wisconsin in the Orange Bowl Pac-10: Except for Oregon and Stanford, the Pac-10 is pretty weak this year. Arizona and USC are the only other teams in the conference with winning records right now.

Nevertheless, I believe #1 Oregon and #6 Stanford are deserving of their rankings and both teams have promising futures, but they will face very challenging opponents this January.

Expected representatives in BCS Games: Oregon in the BCS National Championship and Stanford in the Rose Bowl SEC: Auburn and LSU currently stand atop the best division in college football – the SEC West. Because this division is so good, it could be argued that a two loss SEC West team like Alabama or Arkansas is just as good as (if not better than) most of the nation’s conference champions. However, the BCS doesn’t usually care about this. I expect #5 LSU to go down this week against the #12 Arkansas Razorbacks, essentially knocking the Tigers out of a BCS game because I doubt the BCS will pick a two loss team from the SEC over an undefeated Boise State/TCU or a one loss Big Ten team. In addition, I have a feeling Cam Newton and #2 Auburn will be defeated by the Crimson Tide in a rare Friday afternoon game this week.

Although Auburn will go on to win the SEC Championship when they beat South Carolina the next week, their National Championship hopes will be crushed by Alabama.

Expected representative in BCS Game: Auburn in the Sugar Bowl Non Automatic Qualifiers: Although a lot of people (including myself) put down #3 TCU and #4 Boise State, it would be interesting to see one of them in the National Championship this year.

Basically neck-to-neck, one of these teams will move into the #2 spot when Auburn loses this week. Although TCU currently has the advantage, I expect Boise State to dominate #19 Nevada this Friday night, which will certainly boost the Broncos in the computer rankings, giving them the edge over the Horned Frogs.

Expected representatives in BCS Games: Boise State in the BCS National Championship Game and TCU in the Sugar Bowl Expected BCS Bowl Games: BSC National Championship Game: Oregon vs. Boise State Sugar Bowl: Auburn vs. TCU Orange Bowl: Wisconsin vs. Virginia Tech Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma State vs.

Pittsburg Rose Bowl: Stanford vs. Ohio State Stay tuned for predicted bowl winners.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 11

The Record The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Cheers and Jeers

NFL Turkey Day Predictions David Taiclet, ’11

Luke Slabaugh, ’12

Layout Editor

Editorial Writer

1. Here’s a cheer to the three most pointless days of the year you could possibly be spending in school. Just enough time for you to get half your exams back, complain about said exams, and hand in your demerit card. It’s also a clutch opportunity to sneak in an AP Gov quiz, because what better way to recover from your sub-par exam grades than more sub-par grades?

2. Jeers to Glee for ruining “Teenage Dream.” Right when Katy Perry has a decent song…this show’s beyond help. Get it off the air and bring back 24.

3. Thanksgiving should be mentioned somewhere in this article, so here goes. Jeers are due to those girls on FB who since last week have been updating their statuses along the lines of “OMG, Christmas music is OFFICIALLY on the radio!” As if they could totally just skip over November’s greatest day. T-giving is probably the only holiday not completely ruined by America. There aren’t any silly Thanksgiving-related stories or Thanksgiving carols. And unlike most major holidays in America, it is a day exclusively celebrated by Americans. It’s like baseball. Or Nickelback’s music, if you will. Just not celebrated elsewhere.

4. Cheers to those who made Varsity Musical this year. This year’s winter play promises to be the best production Priory has seen in years. It was already common knowledge going into the season that assistant crew chiefs such as Charlie Rosebrough were only going to select the most equipped, reliable hands on their squads. With well-fortified hands on deck in regards to props, lighting, sound, and PR crews, the only question lay in the acting crew. However, the cast looks stellar on paper: take the talent of star Jack Ciapciak and starting bass David Fournie, and merge that with Varsity newcomer, tenor Carter Gage and returning vocalist Ted Tooley. What a stacked lineup it will be.

Patriots vs. Lions (12:30 on CBS) The Patriots only have three days after their impressive win over the Colts before they face the struggling Lions. The Lions have lost two games that they arguably should have won. But, I believe that the Patriots are too much for them to handle. The only way that the Lions win this one is if the Patriots overlook this game focusing on next week’s game against the Jets. However, I do not believe this will be the case. The Patriots will win 27-17.

Grinds My Gears Cont’d

Front Page Cont’d

turkeys: the last person or bird to try and steal my identity still has unpaid medical bills. Of course, that’s because I contacted the insurance company and informed them that they weren’t my medical bills, but the turkey would have unpaid medical bills because I would punch it because it’s a turkey, and it wouldn’t be able to pay its bills because turkeys have little to no income. They’re just lazy identity thieves and they’re trying to take my name. Well, it seems they’ve taken my name in vain, because I’ve yielded them nothing. And so,

trifecta of Thanksgiving greatness: football. Nothing is better than getting comfortable on a couch after the dinner of a lifetime and watching to teams of outrageously sized men smash each other, for if not the NFL, then what was America truly founded on?

I hope you readers all enjoy The Record’s first ever Thanksgiving edition, dedicated only to Thanksgiving related topics. Have a great Turkey Day, after all, it is the greatest

Saints vs. Cowboys (4:30 on Fox) Both teams have looked pretty bad all year. The Saints have struggled, only to be helped by a weak schedule. The Cowboys have just been awful. The ‘Boys have won two-in-arow behind a new QB and new coach. Usually, a new coach motivates players to win a couple in a row. Could Jason Garrett and Jon Kitna win three in a row? Could the Saints keep their own three game win streak alive? The Cowboys have no running game, and this puts too much on Kitna’s shoulders. The more the Cowboys try to pass the ball, the more the game will become Kitna vs. Brees. Not really an ideal matchup for the ‘Boys. I’ll pick the Saints, 31-20.

Bengals vs. Jets (8:30 on NFL Network) This should be a walk in the park for the Jets. Batman and Robin have been shut down by every defense so far, so I wonder what will happen when they face the Jets D. The Jets have been tested lately against teams that should not have been in the position that they were against a team like the Jets. Besides the Bills, the Jets do not blow teams out. I do not see the Bengals’ 7 game losing streak ending this week.

Jets 31-20

holiday of the year!

gentlemen, I bid you a good Thanksgiving.

THE RECORD - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School 500 S. Mason Road, Creve Coeur, MO 63141 314.434.3690 ext. 221 theprioryrecord@gmail.com Editor in Chief: Kevin H. Hess, ’11 Layout Editor: David J. Taiclet, ’11 Content Editors: Jon P. Gower, ’11, Sam J. Sagartz, ’11 Moderator: Matthew L. Barrett