Friday, December 3, 2010
The Record The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School since 1960
Volume 41, Issue 12
Only at Priory
Jack O’Brien reporting on an email that could only be sent from a Priory student.
Jack O’Brien, ’12
Entertainment Writer This new section in the Record will deal with varieties of things that can only be found at the Saint Louis Priory School, written whenever I feel like it. Our first topic is an e-mail: however, this is no ordinary e-mail. Sent by Junior Robert Emmet McAuliffe III to his teacher, Dr. Killcullen, this document is a plea for an extension on a Social Morality paper which he apparently did not do. It is pure genius: “Dear Dr. Kill: I would like to have started this electronic message by informing you that I have successfully completed my Theology paper assigned for your class. However, that is sadly not the case. To tell you the truth, I have been rather sick as of late, starting Wednesday evening. Yesterday, perchance you noticed my absence from school. That was due to a high fever and sore throat. I spent 14
hours of the day yesterday sleeping off my illness (and I can assure you that was not out of sleep-deprivation, as I have had abnormal amounts of sleep on the days preceding my illness). That particular Wednesday evening and Thursday were unserendipitously the days I was planning on using to inscribe my incredibly dazzling treatise on Moral Theology in Relation to Voting. As most of those days were spent being sick, that obviously was not possible. Yet even more unserendipitously, I was also assigned a 7-page Computer Science paper, a 5-page English paper, and a French oral examination for the same day. Added to that was the make-up test for AP Government scheduled for Thursday. If you've been keeping count, that's a total of 3 papers, counting yours, and two tests in one day. Now, I have been working very diligently on completing the majority of these objectives. Sadly, it appears I will not have time to finish your Moral Theology assignment by its assigned due date. Do not gleam from this the impression that I simply gave your class the "short end
of the straw", if you will, no, in fact, quite the opposite: I was planning on writing my most elegant, stunning paper after writing all of my boring, uninspired papers. Of course, that stunning paper would have been for my most favorite of classes, yours of course, and had I written that paper before the others, it would no doubt have been exponentially less monumental. But now, the realization of time has dawned on me, and it appears I will not be able to complete my Moral Treatise, much to my chagrin. So, please accept my humble apology and consider my pertinent suggestion: could you find it in your heart of hearts to allow your student to e-mail you his paper a day past the due date? It would be appreciated like no other act of kindness has ever been before. In fact, your generosity would raise you to the level of sainthood. Just think of it now: Saint Bernard! I like the ring. Your Humble Student, Robert Emmett McAuliffe III