Friday, March 11, 2011
The Record The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School since 1960
Volume 41, Issue 20
Priory Mock Trial Undefeated Priory Mock Trial Defends a Stellar Reputation Advancing to Regionals Undefeated Trevor Jin, ’12
Entertainment Writer Priory Mock Trial is doing great, so far undefeated. However, I’m going to tell you how we’ve done in an exaggerated story for your enjoyment. It all started with Brock Suzik. Driving down Pine Tree Parkway after a night of partying with his best friend Mickey Good and the goody-two-shoes, Jamie Ashman. A worried and pregnant woman Rene Bennett is driving in the opposite direction. Her car goes into a ditch, her baby dies, and she is paralyzed everywhere except for her eyes. Did Brock do this heinous crime? Or did Rene do it on her own? It’s up to the Priory Mock Trial team to contradict itself continuously when doing both sides, making American justice THEIR justice. There are six witnesses for each case, three for each side. The prosecution has Sydney Saccharin (Me) the medical expert, Lee Morgan (Peter Jochens) the police officer, and Jamie Ashman (Gustavo Sanchez) the straightA student. The defense has Lyle Sanders (Me) a neuropsychologist, Eric Langsdorf (Henry Cordova) the accident re-constructionist, and Mickey Good (Rocky Dara), the badass who can take more than a few beers. First up on Priory Mock Trial’s “list” was Rosati Kain. As prosecution, it’s our job to make sure that justice is done. As all cases begin, Henry Cordova
began with a riveting opening that captivated everyone. Unfortunately, the opposing team leader told him to “Never do an opening ever again.” Apparently, the jury and judge that gave him a 10/10 score didn’t agree. The other lawyers, Conor Whitmore, Zach Kraus, and Xavier Bick also held up strong the whole way through. Peter Jochens played the Rosati Kain like a fiddle. Unfortunately, the team leader was crossing me. Luckily for me, I threw everything back into our face and got a
10/10. Kraus ended the beating with a stellar closing, not laying up one bit. Unfortunately, their team’s leader brought upon us the whiniest and desperate closing we will ever hope to see. A 3-0 dominant win for Priory highlighted by a victory run to Chipotle. But it’s not over yet. Next up on our list was John Paul II. This time we were contradicting everything we argued against as we switched to the defense role, because that’s how we roll. We are the law.
Anyways, JPII were no slouches. Fortunately, our lawyers (Whitmore, Sanchez, Kraus) grabbed their witnesses and put them on a cheese grater during the crosses. The witnesses (Me, Dara, Cordova) stood firm the whole way through, making them look silly. It’s unfortunate when someone is crossing me and I point out a flaw in their self prepared question. Zach Kraus put up the most inspiring and beautiful closing the world will ever witness, leaving the other team melted like a puddle. Yet another 3-0 win for Priory, another run to Chipotle. Make that 6-0, it’s Regionals time. It’s time to get serious. Our opponent, the prosecution, is Pattonville. Mind you this is the Pattonville Lions team, one of their SIX mock trial teams. It turns out, names do tell us something as they made it to Regionals unlike their other teams (I’m serious): Flying Monkeys, Tin Men, Scarecrows, Munchkins, and Winkies. It was time to take back the Lions’ courage and eat it in front of them. Our lawyers (Whitmore, Gustavo, Kraus) were as usual sharp as ever, spotting all of their mistakes and making them look more awkward than a sad clown in the rain. No one got a 7/10 or below, because we simply went hard. Unfortunately, the judge (same one from trial #2) didn’t see our way even though we had the closing with examples and reasoning in it. All you can do is slowly and deliberately put your palm on your face (Continued on next page)