Friday, April 8, 2011
The Record Field Day Edition
Volume 41, Issue 22
The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory High School since 1960
Field Day 2011 Cowboys vs indians- The Story
We Apologize Luke Slabaugh, ’12
Newly Appointed Editor in Chief
Photo of Buffalo Dan of the Cowboy team with one of Chief Kyle’s Buffalo that he caged and shot.
Jack Ciapciak, ’11 STUCO President
Today shall go down in history as one of the greatest days of battle Priory has ever seen. It is with much regret and sorrow that we must proclaim The Cowboy & Indian teams have officially declared war on each other and plan to battle it out. The battle shall be known as Field Day XXVI, and will commence Monday morning. The outcome will change the course of Priory's history forever. The fate of the Golden Goose is in God's hands. Tensions have been high around campus for the past week as both sides began a propaganda campaign that popped up mysteriously. They went as far as bringing Kevin Costner, Ronald Reagan, Avatar, and Kevin Kline into the picture. The tensions began to rise when Indian Team Chiefs Kyle Hill, Tom Rich, and Brett Moen discovered that the man
responsible for the death of their buffalos is none other than Buffalo Dan of the Cowboy Team. It is being reported that he caged their buffalos before shooting them. The Cowboy Captains Jack Ciapciak & Andrew Erker deny these claims, despite photographical proof. (above) Cowboy Team member Francis "Butch" Cassidy was seen prepping himself for battle after being released from the Library Jail by Sheriff Ham. Indian Team members Colin Linkul & Adam Still have not left the weight room for the past 36 hours. Continued on back page
nothing but the utmost respect for the sports requirement. Priory wouldn’t be the same without it. This article was solely written out of humor, with no hidden agenda or attack at the school. And I hope you all understand now. Please forgive me and pray for me, as I start to use better judgment in my position as Editor In Chief. Thank you.
Last week, I completed my first issue as Editor in Chief of The Record Weekly. I was responsible for writing the front page article, an April Fools article written out of humor, one that made the exaggerated claim there would be no sports requirement in the forthcoming year. It was not my or the Publication’s intent to offend anyone or denigrate the Sports Department. The fact of the matter is that neither myself nor my co-editor ran this idea by Mr. Genoni nor our moderator before submitting it to be published. It is entirely understandable why Mr. Genoni was upset. He had no idea that he would be prominently featured on the front page, with not one but two pictures of him placed in the article. I can only imagine how much this aggravated Mr. Genoni, and that is what pains me the most. I highly esteem Mr. Genoni, he being one of the staff members I could rely on, a great teacher, and a very generous man. I in no way intended to embarrass or defame such a benevolent man. And, for causing that, I am deeply and sincerely sorry. If I could do it over again (and at this point, I certainly would) I would take into account what I’ve learned from this misunderstanding: first and foremost, that we at The Record will consult faculty members far in advance before the writing and publication of an issue and gain their approval; second, to stick to the basic protocol of submitting issues to our moderator before printing them and not make decisions out of haste; and third, not to throw the student body into such confusion over a controversial article such as the one I wrote. Yes, there will still be an athletic requirement. To be quite honest, that’s fine with me. We here at The Record h a v e Continued in left column
Mr. Jacob Martin’s Page The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School
The Record Staff
Editor in Chief:
Kevin Hess ’11
Layout Editor:
David Taiclet, ’11
Content Editors:
Jon Gower, ’11 Sam Sagartz, ’11
Faculty Moderator: Mr. Matthew L. Barrett
In this issue...
Jack ciapciak, ’11 Mr. Jacob Martin,’11 Zach Weiss, ’11 Jon Gower, ’11 Luke Slabaugh, ’12 Clay swanger, ’12 Tommy Yoon ’12 Peter Cogan ’1 3 thomas burton ’1 3 Spencer Wright, ’14 Aris Sevastianos ’15
The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by student editors/ staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni. The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.
Friday, April 8, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 22
Cat Murder Mr. Jacob Martin, ’11 Weekly Editorial Writer
Yes, gents, I'm back, and they've included the “Mr.” in my name this time! Of course, you didn't notice that they'd left it out because I hand-wrote it in 46 copies of the record last week (no, seriously. I did that) due to the horrible, horrible job the new editors did with my article (i.e. they edited it). Anyway, I'm here today to talk to you about a possibly existent, probably growing conflict. That conflict is of course between men and boys. Or Cowboys and Indians (or “Native Americans,” if you believe that they're either of those things), to be more clear. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to use politically correct terms for things in this article, because some people seem to be offended by the term [REDACTED]. From this point onward, the Indians shall be referred to as “our friends to the North,” because I'm sure at one point there was one north of me. Of course, they're not to be confused with our actual friends to the North, the Vikings and other various Scandinavians who found our new land (get it? Newfoundland is what I was going for there). Now, as a member of the “cowboy” field day team, and totally not having had to punch my way through STUCO members to get onto that team, I may be biased toward the cowboy side of this debate. Of course, I may not be. You'll never know. Only God or possibly a highly trained psychoanalyst could know. Anyway, my first point on the clear and inherent superiority of the cowboy over our friends to the North is the concept of the mustache. Bear with me, but most of these points are going to be wardrobe-based, although technically a mustache is not an
article of clothing, so this one is not. Normally referred to as the Tom Sellecks of the plains (I wouldn't be surprised if this was your first encounter with the word cowboy itself), cowboys are fabled for their mustaches, or at least their facial hair in general. There's the John Marston unshaven look, one of the most wildly amazing beards I've seen, not by its own merit, but by the merit of the man beneath the beard. The beard itself is only a mere side effect of the sheer awesome poured forth from this cowboy's face. There's also Val Kilmer in Tombstone, a movie so filled with cool mustaches that I should probably have written this entire thing about that movie instead. Sam Elliot's classic horseshoe. The guy from the No Country for Old Men movie (the cowboy, not our friend from the...well, South, actually, he was Mexican). Even I, a mere member of the cowboys field day team, have a beard (which happens to be slightly radioactive, just throwing that out there). Indeed, name a single one of our friends from the North with any facial hair at all? You can't. The facial hair of the cowboy is rivaled only by that of our friends from the North (vikings this time, and I think dwarfs). Also, hat choice is an issue. Feathers are something to be placed in a hat. Not something to be used in the crafting of a hat. Plus, the feathers our friends from the North choose are so drab. Hawks? Really? Hey, Indians, peacocks called. They said hats made from them are better than yours. So yeah. Cowboys. Note: This article does not necessarily (even a little) express the viewpoints of The Record or any writers or editors.
GO INDIANS!
Friday, April 8, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 22
The Weekly Update
The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory High School
New Sheriff in Town
Weiss Explains Joke
Weekly Calendar Friday, 4/8/2011
Tommy Yoon, ’12 Sports Writer
The Missouri Tigers have finally found a replacement for Mike Anderson as men’s basketball head coach. After the failed attempt to sign Matt Painter, Mizzou signed Frank Haith from Miami (FL) to a 5 year, 1.5 million deal.
Many people questioned this decision since Haith only went 129-110 at Miami and only made one tournament appearance, in 2008. The Missouri faithful were upset, hoping that the Tigers would have gone after rising star, Shaka Smart, or old chief Tubby Smith. But Missouri athletic director, Mike Alden, is confident stating, “we wanted someone who wants to be at Mizzou, Frank, his wife, and family are committed to that.” Alden cited Haith’s exemplary recruiting skills and Big 12 roots as Rick Barnes’ assistant coach at Texas as key components to the decision. Hopefully Haith can disprove the critics and win over Mizzou fans. “I told him, ‘This is the Show-Me State’” Alden warned, “That’s who we are.”
Zach Weiss, ’11
Weekly Editorial Writer
Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Costner is dead. Well, not dead exactly, but his career seems to be. Now, some of you may be asking yourselves: “Zach (yes, I am you), what in the wide, wide world of sports does this have to do with Cowboys and Indians?” Well, dear reader, allow me to explain. Ever since our beloved STUCO President promoted me to the rank of Admiral immediately after I pitched him the idea that the wording of this sentence implies I pitched later, I pitched him an idea regarding a poster that would settle the score with the Indians, who had recently published their own, as of yet unanswered propaganda and hung it about the school. The idea was simple: on this poster would be the cover of the DVD case of Dances with Wolves, the Oscar-winning best picture starring and directed by world famous actor Kevin Costner. As some of you know, Kevin Costner has not made a decent movie since then, and he’s kind of crazy in real life too. In short, he’s awful. The joke was that if Kevin Costner wants to be an Indian, do you really want to be? No, no you don’t. Unfortunately, as I walked through the halls of the school, admiring the first successful strike (continued on back page)
Saturday, 4/9/2011 •Mandatory Senior Digging •Varsity Track Relay Meet @ Burroughs 9:00 •Rugby @ Creve Coeur vs SLUH 4:00
Monday, 1/11/2011 FIELD DAY 2011
COWBOYS VS INDIANS Tuesday, 1/12/2011 • Varsity Tennis ABC Meet @MICDS 4:00 • JV Tennis @ JBS 4:00 • JV Gold @ Forest Hills 3:30 • JV Track Priory Invitational 4:00
Weekly Lunches
Wednesday, 1/13/2011
Monday, 4/11 Field Day- sub sandwich Tuesday, 4/12 bbq pulled pork on bun w/ fries Wednesday, 4/13 gill’s homemade chicken pot pie Thursday, 4/14 chef’s special meatballs over noodles Friday, 4/15 fried clam day!
• Varsity Golf vs Westminster 3:30
Thursday, 1/14/2011
Puzzles Crossword Puzzle
The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School
Friday, April 8, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 22
Sudokus EASY
HARD
Cryptogram
- John Wayne
Friday, April 8, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 22
Entertainment
The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School
Settlers Look to Start on the
Pillaging in Gateway City-
Oregon Trail (NFL Mock Draft)
Pirates (?) to Blame
Clay Swanger, ’12 Thomas Burton, ’13
Peter Cogan, ’13 Sports Writer
Sports Writers
1. Carolina Panthers: Blaine Gabbert, QB, Mizzou- Might be a slight reach at #1, as Gabbert is not as big a prospect as in years past, but Gabbert’s size and arm strength is too much for the Panthers to pass up. 2. Denver Broncos: Marcell Dareus, DT, Alabama- This 6’3’’, 319 pound monster will add some depth to Denver’s weak defensive line. 3. Buffalo Bills: Cam Newton, QB, Auburn- With Gabbert already off the board and a huge need for a QB, this is an easy decision for the Bills. 4. Cincinatti Bengals: A.J. Green, WR, Georgia- Best wide receiver prospect since Calvin Johnson, with elite size and speed. 5. Arizona Cardinals: Von Miller, OLB, Texas A&M- Too high to take a quarterback, so the Cards go with the best player available. 6. Cleveland Browns: Da’Quan Bowers, DE, Clemson- Cleveland will be thrilled to see the top defensive end still available at number 6. 7. San Fransisco 49ers: Patrick Peterson, CB, LSU- Some have Peterson going as high as #1 overall, a steal for San Fran. 8. Tennessee Titans: Nick Fairley, DT, Auburn- Fairley won the Lombardi Trophy as the best D-lineman in the country and helped lead Auburn to a championship. ‘9. Dallas Cowboys: Prince Amukamara. CB, Nebraska- Elite cornerback, rarely thrown towards in 2010. 10. Washington Redskins: Tyron Smith, OT, USC- A stronger O-line helps any team’s offense dramatically. 11. Houston Texans: Robert Quinn, DE, UNC- Suspended for a year, Quinn would surely be higher if he had played this year. 12. Minnesota Vikings: Jake Locker, QB, Washington- With ol’ Brett Favre retired, the Vikings have a strong need at quarterback. 13. Detroit Lions: Anthony Castonzo, OT, Boston College- Up and coming team has a huge need at offensive tackle. 14. St. Louis Rams: Julio Jones, WR, Alabama- Rams have a huge need for a playmaker. Jones fits this mold perfectly. …..256. Some team: Mr. Irrelevant-Kyle Brotzman, K, Boise State. Every team needs a choke artist.
Only four games into the regular season and some people are already seeing the worst in the Cardinals’ chances as a playoff contender. It is a fact that the Cardinals are playing absolutely horribly and that everything is going wrong. Things could hardly be worse for the Cardinals; Wainwright is out for the season with Tommy-John surgery, Holliday is out for several weeks after an appendectomy, Pujols seems to hit into a double play whenever he steps into the batters’ box, and the Pirates’ pitching seems like something the Cardinals’ lineup has never seen before.
iTunes Top 10 1. E.T. (Feat kanye west) katy perry 2. just can’t get enough black eyed peas 3. honey bee Blake shelton 4.s&m Rihanna 5. Till the world ends britney spears 6. rolling in the deep adele 7. on the floor jennifer lopez 8. Look at me now chris brown 9. blow ke$ha 10. born this way lady gaga
10 Songs on My Current Playlist
1. 99 Scars
Our clutch hitting has been awful at best, it wouldn’t surprise me at all if our batting average with runners in scoring position was less than .100. But unlike the rest of the St. Louis crowd I somehow see the Cardinals getting into the playoffs. Holliday will be back soon and will greatly help the lineup. Albert will start to be himself in the near future and you can change those two outs into two runs when he comes up to bat. And if he doesn’t get out of his slump, at least he won’t be able to ask for $300 million at the end of the season. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t think the Cardinals could get any worse, and when some of the major contributors start to step up the Cardinals can play with anybody. I think that people are making premature judgments based on only about 3% of the season and you shouldn’t evaluate a team that is in a slump. I just want to point out that the Cardinals could still go 159-3.
Jay-Z vs Red Hot Chili Peppers 2. Scotty Doesn’t Know Lustra 3. Jack and Diane John Mellencamp 4. Wonderwall Oasis 5. All for You Sister Hazel 6. Let Her Cry Hootie and the Blowfish 7. 3 A.M. Twenty Matchbox 8. Crazy for This Girl Evan & Jaron 9. Hold my Hand Hootie 10. Meet Virginia Train
The Record
Friday, April 8, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 22
The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School
COWBOYS Vs indians SAINT LOUIS PRIORY FIELD DAY 2011 Weiss Joke Continued launched during my brief time as Admiral, I noticed that some of the younger students were standing around, scratching their heads in abject confusion. “Who is Kevin Costner?” One of these small, innocent, ignorant empty-headed children had the temerity to ask. “Well, m’boy,” I replied, setting him on my knee and trying to sound like I wasn’t absolutely furious, “HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THIS?! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY NOT KNOW THIS?! WHAT ARE YOU, STUPID?! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! I—wait a minute, what team are you on?” “Indians.”
Front Page Continued The Record has also received an exclusive story that will not be seen in any other publications. According to our sources, a brawl broke out in the Junior House between members of the two teams. You mustn't worry though, since we also received word that George Ahlering was not harmed. That's all we know for now. The rest shall be determined on the fields. Who will win? Field Day XXVI.
“Oh, well that explains everything.” Go Cowboys.
THE RECORD - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School 500 S. Mason Road, Creve Coeur, MO 63141 314.434.3690 ext. 221 theprioryrecord@gmail.com Editor in Chief: Kevin H. Hess, ’11 Layout Editor: David J. Taiclet, ’11 Content Editors: Jon P. Gower, ’11, Sam J. Sagartz, ’11 Moderator: Matthew L. Barrett