Friday, October 1, 2010

Friday, October 1, 2010

The Record Volume 41, Issue 4

The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School since 1960

Varsity Football moves to 5-0

Seniors Colin Linkul and Matt Dowling stand up a Lutheran North rusher during their September 18th victory.

David Taiclet, ’11

Layout Editor

The Rebels played their second league game of the season last Friday. It was at Lutheran South. The defense was very strong all throughout the game. Despite their reputation, Lutheran South has put together a good team this year.

Their offense is capable of running the ball up the middle and they have a good quarterback who can throw to some good receivers. But in the first quarter Henry Cordova got his first interception

of the year as he stepped in front of a Lancer receiver.

This set up a touchdown pass from David Taiclet to Seve Esparrago.

The second quarter belonged to Colin Bruns. He scored three touchdowns in that quarter alone.

The first touchdown was only 8 seconds into the quarter as the Rebels were inside the 10 as the first quarter ended.

The next touchdown came only 2 minutes later. He got the ball and made a great cut, outrunning the whole Lutheran South defense and scoring from 45 yards out. Then, with under a minute to go in the half Bruns crossed

the goal line for the third and final time.

Priory went into the half with a comfortable 28-0 lead.

Despite the somewhat lopsided score, the Lancers did not give up. They continued to put pressure on the Rebel defense and kept the Priory offense out of the endzone for the rest of the game. Early in the fourth quarter Priory added to their lead with a 24 yard field goal by Tony Cribbin. This moved the score to 31-0. However, the next drive by the Lancers gave them their first and only points of the night as they scored on a 5 yard pass with 7 minutes left. (continued on page 6)

Editorials The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

The Record Staff Editor in Chief: !

Kevin Hess ’11 Layout Editor: !

David Taiclet, ’11 Content Editor: !

Jon Gower, ’11 !

Sam Sagartz, ’11 Faculty Moderator: !

Mr. Matthew Barrett In this issue... !

Kevin Hess, ’11 !

David Taiclet, ’11 !

Jon Gower, ’11 !

Sam Sagartz, ’11 !

Mr. Jacob Martin, ’11 !

Zach Weiss, ’11 !

Jack Ciapciak, ’11 !

Kyle Hill, ’11 !

Gustavo Sanchez, ’11 !

Peter jochens, ’11 !

The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by student editors/ staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni.

The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit.

Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

Lorem Ipsum Zach Weiss, ’11 Staff Writer

All of you know Jack Ciapciak. If you don’t, get out from whatever rock you’ve been hiding under and go say hello.

However, despite Jack’s enormous fame, most people have never heard about the time he stole Mariah Carey away from Nick Cannon. The following story is entirely true. I checked the facts I made up with Jack himself, and he said it was fit for print: Jack Ciapciak sat in his usual seat in his favorite Starbucks coffee house, casually sipping his favorite Starbucks drink which may or may not have had coffee in it. At the very least he probably couldn’t taste it if it did. However, despite his casual demeanor and the casual lack of coffee in his drink, Jack’s seated body and strongly folded, sedentary legs made a clear statement. That statement: I am sitting. Jack was just about to touch his Styrofoam cup to his lips when, lo, because something interesting always happens to Jack Ciapciak, in walks Mariah Carey and her significant other, Nick

Friday, October 1, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 4

Mariah and Nick walked up to the counter and placed their respective orders, Mariah with all the charm and grace of an unremarkable entertainer and Nick with all the disgusting crassness of someone who is just awful in every possible respect. Mariah placed her order a second time because it moves the plot along, and as soon as the honeyed words left Mariah’s lips, Jack immediately looked up and spoke to her.

“Mariah,” he declared with all the burning passion of a man who has just met the only woman he will ever truly love, “we have the same drink.” That was all it took. Mariah’s eyes widened with the sudden realization that Nick Cannon is a complete and total moron, that he has never accomplished anything worthwhile in his life and probably never will.

Jack, on the other hand, has been in so many shows that she couldn’t help but instantly know who he was, and besides he was a premium dancer. She smiled and her eyes sparkled like diamonds, in a way that many men would find strikingly beautiful, but I personally just think she’s ok. Once the initial shock of the sheer emptiness of her life without Jack had set in, her expression melted into the warmth of her new-found feelings. She knew what she had to do.

(Continued on Final Page)

Grinds My Gears Mr. Jacob Martin, ’11 Staff Writer

First of all, gents, I’d just like to commence the article this week by giving a long-overdue shout-out to Mr. White, who showed me just how Avatar should have ended but, alas, how it did not end. Bravo.

But now, as it always is with me, it’s business time. Time for business, that is. The moment at which I shall commence the true message of this long awaited article. Do you know what really grinds my gears? The man, man! Or rather, the negative connotation that those two words seem to have acquired in recent years. I don’t know if it’s due to some plot by the misguided feminists of the 1970s, or some dumber, less organized plot dragged forth from the muddled minds of the hippies, bane of my existence (my existence has many

banes; so far you’ve seen editors and hippies; food for thought about what’s next). I first noticed this phrase while watching School of Rock. While this film is excellent, it leaves one wondering just who the man really is, and why Jack Black hates him so. Later, New Zealand’s fourth most popular folk parody duo, Flight of the Conchords, complain in their hit song Think About It that all the money they’re making is going to the man. Not knowing who said man is, I have to assume he is either the guy from the Dos Equis commercials or myself. We are both extremely manly in every way. While you certainly know all about him, you may not know that I myself have been declared by numerous sources, Mr. Timothy Bussen to name just one, to be “the man.” It’s true, I once fought off seven grizzlies with a katana, taught an eighth how to truly love a woman, and a ninth how to dance. Also, just look at my face.(Continued on Final Page)

Friday, October 1, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 4

Sports The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Soccer Update: Rebels Dominate Kevin H Hess, ’11 Editor in Chief Soccer had a successful couple weeks of games. The Rebels started off Monday, eager to get the bitter taste out of their mouth, against the Westminster Wildcats at home.

Priory jumped on the Wildcats early and often in the game, however Westminster held strong defensively and was able to keep talented Rebel's attack out of the net in the first half.

However, in the second half, the Priory attack simply couldn't be held out of the goal. They broke through on a free kick just outside of shooting rage. Kyle Martin played a ball on the ground, splitting the Wildcat defense, to fellow junior Jacob Mohrmann, who smashed the ball into the bottom corner of the net. The Rebels continued to jump on the Wildcats all game, dominating possession on their home pitch.

Later in the half, sophomore Sam Newman ran onto a ball from Jack Wegmann, beat a defender and smashed the ball into the corner of the net. The Rebel defense behind juniors Nico Stillman and Andy Kopfensteiner kept the Wildcats at bay for a 2-0 victory.

Priory traveled to John Burroughs to take on the Bombers in their next match. The Rebels played a very fast first half, smashing shots at the Bombers' goal frame, but they were held out of the goal by a series of excellent saves until 30 seconds remained in the half. Priory hurried a long throw to end the half; Sam Newman's shot blasted off the keeper and to senior Brendan Kelly who tucked it away.

In the second half, the Rebels struck again on a long throw, this time from junior Andrew Rhodes. Rhodes' throw found senior Jack Wegmann who flew above the defense for the second goal of the game. However, Burroughs managed to mount solid attacks in the second half and scored on an own goal by the Rebels. Priory managed to remain collected and continue their excellent attacking. They reached the net for a third time, when sophmore Sam Newman found Andrew Rhodes in behind the defense for Rhodes' first goal of his shortened season. The game ended with an exclamation point: Doug Brooking smashed in a breakaway attempt to drive the score line to its final; 4-1.

Priory hosted Affton Monday. The Rebels sliced and diced the Cougar defense early and often in the game. Senior captain Jack Wegmann connected with fellow captain Liam Ware to make it 1-0. The Rebels continued to pepper the goal frame and smash the wood-work but couldn't find the back of the net again in the first half.

They could not be denied in the second half. Jack Wegmann played junior Andrew Rhodes a ball across which Rhodes busted through the defense for a goal. Soon after, on a free kick from junior Kyle Martin, Rhodes received another ball in his stride and tapped it in for his second on the day. In a display of their offensive talent the Rebels continued to move forward with a goal from senior Brendan Kelly. Finally, a beautiful 40 yard chip of the goalie by Kyle Collins ended the scoring for the Rebels at 5-0 In the game of the year, Priory hosted MICDS. The Rebels, yet undefeated at home, came out extremely sharp and fast in the game. Just a couple minutes into the game, the Rebels struck on a corner kick. Junior Kyle Collins played a corner directly into the step of junior Jacob Mohrmann who smashed it into the top of the goal with his head. However, the pressure the Rebels continued to apply forced many MICDS mistakes, and the Rebels simply couldn't be held out of the net. Senior captain Doug Brooking took a ball and smashed it across the face of the goal, again finding Jacob Mohrmann who slid it into the goal. The Rebels dominated the game, stunning the Rams who had been anticipating a game similar to that on their home "field". Still in the first half, Doug Brooking smashed another cross over to oncoming Brendan Kelly who drilled the ball into the back of the net with his head. The Rebels defense completely shut down the Rams, holding them to only a couple of shots in the first half. Much of this can be attributed to the excellent defense played by juniors Peter Reitz and Nico Stillman.

The second half was a song with the same tune. The Rebels again dominated the game, frustrating the Rams to no end. They got out to another good start when Andrew Rhodes beat a defender and played the ball to captain Jack Wegmann who tussled with a defender and smacked the ball into the back of the net. The Rams tacked on a late goal to drive the final to 4-1 in what was a glorious victory for the Rebels.

Weekly Calendar Friday, 9/1/2010 • Varsity Soccer vs Prin 4:15 • JV Soccer @ Prin 4:15 • C Team Football vs MICDS 4:15

Saturday, 9/2/2010 • Cross Country @ Priory 8:30am • Varsity Football vs MICDS 1:00

Monday, 10/4/2010 • Varsity Soccer @ Lutheran South 4:15 • JV Football @ MICDS 4:15

Tuesday, 10/5/2010 • JV Soccer @ DuBourg 4:15 • Varsity Soccer @ DuBourg 6:00

Wednesday, 10/6/2010

Thursday, 10/7/2010 • Varsity Soccer @ Lutheran North 4:15 • JV Soccer @ Lutheran North 4:15

Entertainment The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Cheers and Jeers What is making Luke Slabaugh cheer and jeer this week?

Luke Slabaugh, ’12 Opinions Writer 1. Kyle Collins initiated an impromptu fire drill a couple Mondays back, postponing class a full sixteen minutes and costing the school an indefinite sum of money from the fire department.

However, most people did not take notice that his mother, Mrs. Elaine Collins, was just arriving for bookstore duty. Mrs. Collins, a freelance photographer and an unofficial team photographer for cross country and soccer, was quick to pull out the camera on this occasion when she heard the news. I give a huge cheer to Mrs. Collins from the bottom of my heart. Nobody else would have thought to document this moment in Priory history--if you remember correctly, no one was posing on the slightly less sunny day two years ago, when Brendan Thomas set it off. While Kyle accidentally has given us a break we undoubtedly needed--from tests, from stress, from the overall burden of school--Mrs. Collins has given us the gift of Facebook tags. For that you should be eternally grateful.

2. Four weeks of school have elapsed, and only once has the student body had a dress down day. While students can submit potential charities to host dress down days to Mr. Killcullen, spaces are running out, due in part to a request by Father Michael that the school only host a dress down day every other week. To those of the student body that were new last year, this may seem like an extraordinary demand. Beginning in early October last year, a string of consecutive free dress Thursdays started, temporarily halted at spring break, and then continued for the rest of the year.

This chain began simply by coincidence.

From service trips to local charities to the Haiti crisis, we had lined together many

dress down days for very noble, charitable causes. Eventually, though the concept of dressing down became a habit more than a charitable day. Signs were hard to come by advertising those days; inevitably, though, people still collected money. It’s safe to say that for the most part, we had no idea where our money was going (we didn‘t ask)--hopefully to a good cause. If people take charge of these days more carefully, there should be no problem in consecutive weeks of dress down days. The rationale behind spacing dress down days seems too far-fetched, when really these ordeals ought to be simple and organized. Jeers.

3. This third one goes without saying, but a huge cheer is in order to the cafeteria workers. All through the month of September, lunch has been an easy, enjoyable experience. The arrival of the larger (by Priory standards) freshman class, we knew that the cafeteria would be even more crunched for space than it used to be. The lunch staff has been there every step of the way, from initiating the quicker self-serve policy to preparing an exceptional lineup of lunches. Nothing has disappointed us this year.

Compliments to the chef.

Friday, October 1, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 4

Music Update Lil Wayne vs Sam Adams Niall Caparon, ’11 Opinions Writer In the past week, two artists released their newest material. Lil Wayne released his I Am Not a Human Being and Sam Adams Party Record Mixtape.

Alright if you want to save twelve bucks, don’t buy I Am Not a Human Being, get Party Records Mixtape. It’s free and a billion times better than Not a Human Being.

Lil Wayne's newest album, which he released for his birthday on September 27, is mediocre at best. Yes, it is better than Rebirth but far below the quality of his No Ceiling mixtape, which he released for free. No songs on this new album, besides “Right Above It”, which was leaked two months before the album came out, stand out, and while a few are okay, they just don’t have that energy that previous Wayne songs have. The rest of the songs just sound messy and jumbled.

Rating: 2/5- Save you money for the new Kid Cudi album.

4. Cheers to internationally renowned vocal artist Terry Barber for singing two songs during the all school mass two Fridays ago. Barber boasts a strong, melodic voice as well as a register high enough to put Justin Bieber to shame.

Who could not cheer to that?

Music Update cont’d Now, the new release you should pay attention to: Sam Adams' Party Records Mixtape, released on September 23. The rapper who came to the forefront of the music scene for his “I Hate College,” which is a remix of Asher Roth's “I Love College”. This is Sam's second mixtape, and, on it, he moves away from

(Article Continues to in left Column)

his more traditional clean sound to a more electronic-dance rap sound. The result is simply fantastic, there is not a dull song on the mixtape, but some are far better than others. He does a remix of Gucci Mane's “Lemonade” and on another song he samples The Beatle's “Eleanor Rigby”. Rating: 5/5- Its a free download and far better than other recently released albums that cost money.

Friday, October 1, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 4

Entertainment The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Top 5 Summer Movies Trevor Jin, ’10

Entertainment Writer

1. Inception Inception is by far the most dominant of the 2010 summer movies, and for a good reason.

It is one of the few truly original movies we have seen in the past couple of years.

Christopher Nolan spins an incredibly complex and interesting story that keeps the viewer enthralled the entire time, and the ambiguous ending makes it extremely memorable. The crazy thing about Inception is that it doesn’t dumb itself down to the audience just so they’ll like it more; it makes us have to go up to its level and think about it.

I must admit though, the first time through you’ll be questioning everything if you don’t pay attention to every last detail. This is why it is a lot better the second time through. The visual effects will no doubt win many technical awards. The acting is superb and the music of Hans Zimmer is just epic. There is no downside, unless you don’t like screaming at the end.

10 Worst Rappers Jack O’Brien, ’12 Entertainment Writer

10. Master P - one of the dumbest men of all time.

Also a rather horrible artist. Sad. 9. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch - Mark Wahlberg....well you're a little better than Will Smith.

8. Mike Jones - for some reason Mike Jones thinks every song has to have his name said in it at least 5 times.

2. Toy Story 3 You can’t dislike Toy Story, no matter how hard you try. The magic makers at Pixar always know how to get it right. After eleven long years, the latest installment made an appearance this summer. The movie is at the usual quality level of Pixar and it’s refreshing to see an addition to a beloved animated series that isn’t Shrek.

3. Get Him to the Greek One of the most underrated movies of the entire summer, Get Him to the Greek was funny all the way through. The humor was vulgar at times, but only at the right times.

Definitely pick this movie up on DVD or Bluray as soon as possible.

4. Dinner for Schmucks With a somewhat stupid story of a dinner made to make fun of people, Steve Carell shows his ability to single-handedly lift a movie by himself. This movie was definitely worth seeing just to see him do his magic at being a class-A idiot. Plus you get to see him

iTunes Top 10 1. Imma Be Me !

Black Eyed Peas 2. Need You Now !

Lady Antebellum 3. Hey, Soul Sister !

Train 4. In My Head !

Jason Derulo 5. TiK ToK !

Ke$ha 6. Baby (ft. Ludacris) !

Justin Bieber 7. BedRock !

Young Money & ! !

Lloyd 8. Blah Blah Blah !

Ke$ha 9. We Are the World 25 for ! !

Haiti !

Artists for Haiti 10. Bad Romance !

Lady GaGa

put dead mice into historic poses.

7. Vanilla Ice - he's in a hardcore metal band now.

At least he found out what he's not good at.

6. Tony Yayo - could not have failed harder coming out of G-Unit.

5. Birdman - eww.

4. Soulja Boy - Pretty Boy Swagged his way right onto this list.

3. Insane Clown Posse - hard rock/rap songs and painted faces don't quite cut it.

2. Will Smith - just needs to stick with acting. 'Get Jiggy With It'...how about no.

1. OJ da Juiceman - nothing needs to be said.

Top 10 Sam Adams from Party Record 1. Gonna Be Ok 2. Still I Rise 3. Just Sayin 4. Summer Techno 5. Frat Party Music 6. Headz Will Roll 7. Share Your Dolla 8. Some Chordz 9. Lemonade 10.Lonely People - Young Ivory

Friday, October 1, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 4

Sports The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Varsity Cross Country Update Kyle Hill, ’11 Sports Writer

“Our singlets are red, our short shorts are blue, we’re Priory Cross Country, and we will defeat you.” This was the phrase running through the minds of the cross country warriors of The Priory two weeks ago as they stood preparing for battle on the starting line of the Lutheran North Invitational at Spanish Lake.

Although recently lengthened by a fair amount to make it a full 5k, as it had previously been short, the course is still a very flat one, promising a quick race for all. Not getting too far ahead of themselves, however, the top Running Rebels made sure not to go out to fast at the start of the race, as so many opponents foolishly did. Rather, they hung back a little from the front and slowly advanced through the first mile, passing many runners who had already burnt out. By the time the two mile mark was reached, Kyle Hill, John Cole, and Spencer King had separated themselves from the main field and were holding third through fifth place.

Nick D’Orazio, Ryan Donlin, and Zach LaVallee were all within close range of each other within the top 20. As they reached the last 700m of the course, Kyle, John, and Spencer all kicked with the little energy they had left and finished in 3rd (17:45), 4th (17:53), and 5th (17:55), respectively. Nick D’Orazio hit the tape at 18:30 in 12th, and Ryan Donlin followed closely behind in 14th (18:37). Zach LaVallee and Brian Steiner rounded out the top 7 in 20th (19:02) and 26th (19:25). Priory finished with a final score of 36, nearly half that of the next closest team (Lutheran South with 61), and took home a first place trophy.

Next was a return to Jefferson Barracks for the Hancock Invitational, one of the biggest races of the year. The Varsity squad, which this week included

Doug Brooking, went out a little too slow on the first mile in a very fast field of runners, and Doug, Kyle, Spencer and John passed the mile mark around 50th place. Although they were able to pass a number throughout the remainder of the course, the pace proved to be much quicker than anticipated, and Doug, Kyle, and John were only able to break into the thirties as Spencer and Nick trailed closely behind. The final places and times were Doug 31st (18:14), Kyle 36th (18:21), John 37th (18:23), Spencer 45th (18:41), Nick 53rd (19:05), Ryan Donlin 64th (19:20), and Brian Steiner 89th (20:05). This proved to not be quite enough, and the team ended up 6th.

Tony King decided to take the Joe Stock (Class of ’08) approach in the J.V. race and led the way up the starting hill. However, unlike his predecessor, he was able to hold a spot in the top 10 through the one mile mark. The rest of the J.V. squad steadily made up their ground on the opponents. By the end, Jack O’Brien had pushed his way into the top 15 and finished in 14th with a time of 19:56. A number of Priory runners all finished close together not long after Jack with Joey Pasque (33) in 20:28, James Capps (38) in 20:35, Charlie Rosebrough (41) in 20:44, Andrew Cammon (45) in 20:48, Nick Sarai (48) in 20:54 and Tim Avery (49) in 20:54. With these spirited performances, the J.V. took 4th place.

This Saturday morning is the Priory Invitational on the Priory campus. If you have never seen a high school cross country race, which no Priory experience is complete without, this would be the perfect time to do it.

The Varsity runs at 8, and the J.V. goes off at 10. Come watch one of the greatest mental and physical battles you will ever behold.

Varsity Football cont’d Everyone knows that the MICDS game is this weekend. MICDS is one of Priory’s huge rivals for those of you that didn’t know. This game should be one for the ages. Priory has a strong defense to match up with MICDS’s high scoring offense. The Rebels play smash mouth football. The Rams don’t really play a physical game.

The run defense of Priory should cause former Priory student Michael Scherer many problems.

The fans need to show up to support the Rebels as they try to beat MICDS for the first time in like 8 years. The fan support out to the Lutheran South game was incredible, but we need to have twice as many fans at this game. It is at Priory at 1:00 P.M. on a Saturday afternoon.

What else could you be doing? There is no excuse for missing the game this weekend. Everyone who shows up will not be disappointed as Priory tries to Silence the “Lambs” on Saturday. And wear camoflauge.

Puzzles

Friday, October 1, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 4

The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Crossword Puzzle ACROSS 1. Anagram of "Sail" 5. Exchange 9. Gorge 14. Agitated state 15. Duo 16. Eagle's nest 17. Head 18. Cancel 19. Sometimes it's "pennies from heaven" 20. Embolden 22. Garbage 23. Requires 24. Storehouse 26. Tease 29. Ladened 33. Helped 38. A call for more 39. Not fat 40. Faint 42. Sharpen 43. In great numbers 45. Worn to shreds 47. Stellar 48. Deli loaf 49. Presents 52. First Greek letter

Sudokus

57. A woman of refinement 60. Morally justified 63. Without company 64. A Central American sloth 65. A friendly nation 66. Street urchin 67. Phone 68. Rice beer 69. Construct 70. Slay 71. At one time (archaic) DOWN 1. Colorado resort 2. Silly 3. Willowy 4. Horse 5. Egg on 6. Desire 7. Helped 8. Lying facedown 9. Animation 10. Intense sorrow 11. Operatic solo 12. Transgressions 13. Net! 21. Inquires

Word Search

EASY

HARD

25. A full supply 27. Anagram of "Stifle" 28. Morning moisture 30. A swinging barrier to a room 31. Sea eagle 32. Accomplishment 33. Seaweed 34. The Caribbean and Adriatic, for example 35. Sodium chloride 36. Mineral-based 37. A very small circular shape 41. Paddle!

44. Attire 46. Nipple 50. In England, it's a lorry 51. A peninsula in northeastern Egypt 53. Rent 54. A type of bear 55. Abandoned ships 56. Heretofore (2 words) 57. Magician 58. Winged 59. A hemispherical roof 61. Effrontery 62. Body of a ship

WORDBANK become blend capture

insult lens nits

spore spread stag

carry climb

plain plunder

stampede stretch trace

covert descend drove elapse

refine remnant rotate

transport traverse uproar

encounter enter

rote ruse

vast wicker

fugitive hasten

scamper seer

Cryptogram

- Victor Hugo

Friday, October 1, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 4

Sports The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

JV Cross Country

Junior School Update

Carter Gage, ’12

Alex Hill, ’15

Artie Hidalgo, ’15

Sports Writer

Junior Varsity Cross Country is the heart and soul of Priory Athletics. The so-called Red Sea is the true face of our student body. Composed mostly of the athletically impoverished and somewhat lazy, the JV squad comes out every year with vigor to fulfill their sport requirement. When asked who the leader of the squad was, Jack O’Brien calmly shrugged and then pointed to himself. After I scoffed at his leadership abilities, he humbly admitted that David Fournie embodies all that is JV Cross Country. Carried on two gimp legs, Dave bears the weight of his position without complaint. If I were to have asked him if he feels the pressure of roughly 100 other souls looking to him for inspiration, Dave might have said, “Carter, I’m used to these things. You forget that my voice melts the hearts of young women across America, and has been known to cure one man in Indiana of leprosy. Inspiring people with my drive on the cross country course is a walk in the park.” (That is a pun, Dave never walks. Ever.) This year’s crop of new runners has added some serious vivacity. Take for instance Chris McKee. For one, he claims that people say he looks like a male model.

Debatable, but I’ll give him that one. However, it is certainly true that when he runs, he sweats just a minimal amount, and his hair becomes perfectly tousled. 100% model look. All people can’t experience the sheer bliss that is JV cross country. Exhibit A: Ted Tooley. Ted has suffered greatly through this season. Anywhere from flu to foot problems, Ted Tooley has barely been able to participate in this glorious sport, to his disappointment. Then there is Austin Federer. A first-year cross country runner, he made a meteoric rise to the esteemed B squad, and could have potentially reached the legendary varsity squad. Then, he realized his heart wasn’t in it. He knew where he belonged, and he returned to his just place on the C squad. Austin begged me for a shout-out, and he earned it with his 5th place finish at the 3k Principia race last weekend. Priory JV happened to sweep the first 5 in that race, with Zach Lavallee winning by over a minute, but he doesn’t matter, because he’s actually on varsity. With all this talk about squads and mediocrity, I figure I need to mention the D3 squad. A special squad full of special runners, the D3 squad has a great burden: they never get to run as much as the other runners. When you come to the Priory Invitational on Saturday the 2nd, you’ll understand all of this. Now it’s all on you to show up at 10:30 Saturday morning, or sometime before 11 to catch what should be a fantastic finish.

JS Events and Sports This week in JS sports, the eighth grade soccer team unfortunately lost to St. Alban Roe, 2-0. The seventh grade soccer team, however, won with a score of 3-0. After these games, the eighth grade team is 2-1, and the seventh grade team is 3-0. There is a Cross-Country meet on Saturday, at Priory, so good luck runners.

Camp Ondessonk is coming up for the seventh graders, so if you aren’t sure what to do or what to pack, your parents should get an E-Mail about it, so you can ask them. The LongAwaited JS Mixer is coming up, and tickets are now on sale.

Bring lots of girls!

Misc.

The Top five EPL teams are: 1. Chelsea 2. Manchester Utd. 3. Arsenal 4. Manchester City 5. Aston Villa Unfortunately, the best EPL team ever (Arsenal) has fallen into third place because of a loss to W.B.A. Chelsea is still going strong. However, they lost to Manchester city, which brought them down a little bit.

My pick for the game of the week this week is the Baltimore Ravens vs The Pittsburgh Steelers. I predict that the Ravens will come out on top. It will be an invigorating defensive battle.

Junior School Poll

Friday, October 1, 2010 Volume 41, Issue 4

The Record Weekly The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Grind My Gears

Lorem Ipsum

(continued from page 2)

(continued from page 2)

It is the face of a man. I multitask, I meet Plato’s proportional definitions of perfection, and I write with the combined grace of six thousand and twelve gazelles.

That, gentlemen, is a man. I am obliged to say I have never received money earned by those two young men in that band, and I certainly never harmed Jack Black.

Therefore, gentlemen, there is nothing at all wrong with the man, for I am he and he is me. Good day.

“Oh Jack Ciapciak,” she swooned, “I know just from looking at you that we are meant to be together forever. All that I have is yours. Please, will you do me the honor of letting me be your biddy?”

“Not so fast, Mariah!” Nick Cannon interjected “You’re MY girl! I won’t let you run off with another fella!”

“Oh shut up, Nick Cannon!” Jack retaliated. “You’re about as useless as Lorem Ipsum, which is a filler text that people who design web pages and other documents use to see what those things would look like with text on them! So if someone was writing a weekly column in a school newspaper with that name, that brilliant person would be making a clever statement about how his article is meaningless filler!”

“Well then I challenge you a rap battle!”

Said Nick Cannon like a total dingus.

Andy Schwartz Sports Writer College Football Wrapup

Currently I would give the advantage to the SEC, but, by the year’s endadvantage Big Ten. 4) Stanford and Oregon will battle for the PAC ten title and possibly a National Championship.

3) The SEC and Big Ten are battling to be the nation’s top conference.

has ever seen.

3) Oklahoma 4) TCU 5) Stanford Heisman Race 1) Denard Robinson - QB Michigan 2) Everybody Else In My Opinion…….

Lou Holtz needs to be taken off the TV. I change the channel every time that guy starts to talk. What he says is bologna, and it sounds like he always has a mouthful of drool.

1) Michigan needs to get a defense.

They have an excellent shot of winning the Big Ten, but even Denard Robinson (the best player college football has seen in the last 50 years) can’t win every game if the defense plays so poorly.

2) UCLA pounded Texas and Nebraska didn’t impress against South Dakota. Oklahoma has looked strong after a poor first week, but Missouri has an excellent shot at making the Conference Championship Game.

He tried to rap, honestly, he really did, but it was such a dismal failure that everyone else in the Starbucks poured hot coffee in their ears so they wouldn’t have to hear the sound of his horrible voice.

Then it was Jack’s turn.

Changing quickly into his alter ego of Tri-Jack, he began.

“Tri-Jack is back to attack. Tri-Jack is back to attack.

Tri-Jack is back to attack…” after what might have been the most beautiful piece of music ever produced by mankind. Nick Cannon knew he was beaten, and quickly fled like a complete wuss to the hole beneath the Wild n Out set where he spends most of his time.

Then Jack and Mariah rode off together into the sunset on a horse or a unicorn or something (maybe it was a narwhal, yeah a flying narwhal), and became the happiest couple the world

Jim Tressel looks like a fruitcake in his sweater-vest.

5) I’m afraid too much has to happen for Boise State to have a shot at the National Championship.

Who will win it all?

1) Alabama 2) Oregon

Picks For the Weekend Oklahoma- 31 vs. Texas- 28 Alabama- 34 vs. Florida-13 Oregon- 42 vs. Stanford- 38 Upset Michigan State- 28 vs. Wisconsin- 20

THE RECORD - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School 500 S. Mason Road, Creve Coeur, MO 63141 314.434.3690 ext. 221 theprioryrecord@gmail.com Editor in Chief: Kevin H Hess, ’11 Layout Editor: David Taiclet, ’11 Content Editors: Jon Gower, ’11 Sam Sagartz, ’11 Moderator: MatthewL Barrett