Friday, April 15, 2011

Friday, April 15, 2011

The Record Volume 41, Issue 23

The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School since 1960

Priory STUCO: The Revolution Welcome to your new Student Council for the 2011-2012 school year.

From Left: Trevor Jin, Jack Taiclet, Andrew Rhodes, Ted Tooley, Seve Esparrago Trevor Jin ’12

Layout Editor

First of all, I would like to congratulate the current Senior Student Council on what was a truly fantastic job. Their hard work, dedication, and hilarious antics made the 2010-2011 school year one to remember!

The situation at Priory made a groundbreaking change after the recent

student council elections. A gold mine of hard workers and creative minds have joined together to form nothing short of an All-Star squad. However, the show only begins here.

The bar is going to bet set higher than ever before, incorporating the younger STUCO members and the whole school to reach success. We are fully committed to doing the best job possible, to go down in history as one of the greatest student councils ever.

Our team is not filled with people regretting the burden placed on them, it is made up of students who crave to do the hard work we all at Priory depend on. Ted would like to let everyone know that he is not a star, but he’s got a chopper in the car.

We hope the school is prepared for the upcoming wave of awesome.

There is only one major idea buzzing through STUCO’s minds: Go Big or Go Home. Laus Tibi Domine!

Updates

Friday, April 15, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 23

The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

The Brand New Record Staff Editor in Chief: !

Luke D. Slabaugh ’12 Layout Editor: !

Trevor Jin ’12 Content Editor: !Jack O’Brien ’12 Faculty Moderator: !

Mr. Matthew Barrett In this issue... !

Trevor Jin, ’12 !

Brian Bucol, ’12 !

Kyle Finnegan, ’12 !

Colin Kopsky, ’12 !

Mitchell Van Bree. ’13 !

Jack O’Brien, ’12 !

Carter Gage, ’12 !

Xavier Bick ’12 !

Luke D Slabaugh, ’12 !

Daniel Stein, ’14 !

Zach Weiss, ’11 !

Jacob Martin, ’11 !

The Record Disclaimer The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by student editors/ staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni.

The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, or unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit.

Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

Irish Invasion: Priory Welcomes New Students to Campus airplane's “coffee”).

Irish Ambassador Underclassmen Hugh Cole and Wyatt Gill host You may have noticed t h e s e n e w students, some Irish exchange students respectively.

Priory’s Irish running around our school e x c h a n g e p r o g r a m w ith recently. Peter Forshaw, C o l á i s t e David Fournie and I had the Ailigh, its Irish pleasure of meeting Breandan counte rp art, “Luigi” Mcgrory and Michael has existed for “The Beaver” Boyce over several years spring break in the small and hopefully town of Letterkenny, Ireland. will see many I can assure you, they are more to come. enjoying their stay here as we When I asked did in Ireland (excluding Breandan and Dave’s flippant reaction to the Brian Bucol ’12

Michael what their favorite part of the USA was, they responded frankly, “Steak n’ Shake, because it’s not in Ireland.” In addition to attending classes at Priory, the boys avidly participate in the rugby team's practices.

They plan on seeing the rest of the city of St. Louis, with several fun stops such as Six Flags, even more Steak n’ Shake, and lots of “good crack”, as they say in Ireland.

Gucci Mane Tosses Woman Out of Vehicle Kyle Finnegan ’12

Current Events Reporter

Last Friday morning Radric Davis a.k.a. Gucci Mane was looking for something to do in Atlanta, Georgia. He saw a girl in the mall and decided to pick her up. Gucci then offered to take her out to breakfast, an offer you cannot deny. After breakfast, he asked her while driving if she would “hang out with him for the night” offering $150 if she accepted. However, she said no. Hearing this, he went on a rampage. He reached across the woman with his hands and opened the passenger door.

Then at once he shoved the woman out of the moving car, not stopping for anything.

Unsurprisingly, Gucci was caught by the police. He is now in DeKalb County Jail in Atlanta. He has a $40,562 bail but is incapable of paying it. Gucci is charged with a misdemeanor battery charge. This is not his first time to jail, he served 6 months for assault and was charged with murder. However, the charge of murder was dropped for inadequate evidence. He is expected to face further charges for violating the terms of his probation.

Sorry Gucci, it’s actually not OK.

Weekly Lunches 4/18 - 4/22

Monday, 4/18 Soft Tacos Tuesday, 4/19 Hot Roast Beef on Hoagie Wednesday, 4/27 Chicken Parmesan

Entertainment

Friday, April 15, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 23

The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Adjustment Bureau Movie Review Trevor Jin ’12

Layout Editor

Sometimes we may all wonder to ourselves, do we really have free will?

Adjustment Bureau tries to tap into the thoughts of this pressing topic by following an up and coming politician David Norris (Matt Damon). He meets a woman (Emily Blunt) that takes his heart away as if they were meant to be. Unfortunately for him, this is not according to plan. The organization of strange men in suits and fancy hats are not pleased.

This is not what he is meant to do. He must forget he ever saw her.

This is a unique idea, something that we are frothing at the mouth for in these days filled with Justin Bieber movies and money-grabbing sequels.

Inception soared on a surfboard of success because of it. Thankfully, a new, relatively untapped idea is provided in this movie also. To an audience so used to making their decisions for themselves, it’s refreshing to know that the creepy guy in the suit next to you in the subway made you spill your coffee.

The movie definitely doesn’t rest on these laurels, receiving quality acting from Matt Damon w h o k n o w s how to be on the run like a b o s s ( T r u e Grit, All the Bourne Movies, Green Zone, etc.). Let’s be honest, he can’t be stopped. The plot movement is perfectly paced and every scene is meaningful.

The fact that men with supernatural

powers controlling us actually seems like a normal and plausible possibility throughout the movie, which is part of the magic it casts over an audience.

Truly, there isn’t anything bad to say about this movie...except one thing.

The ending is awful. I won’t “spoil” it for you, but then again you can’t spoil what is already spoiled.

Adjustment Bureau was so close to being a mega-hit to start off the new movie season (like Inception was), but it fell flat on its face. The fact that it still receives such good ratings is a testament to how good the rest of the movie is. I highly recommend seeing the movie for anyone, with anyone, anytime.

Quick Review Pros: Innovative Idea, Great Acting, !

Well Made Cinematically Cons: A Terrible Ending Who Should See It? Anyone.

Is It Worth Seeing? Definitely.

Things We Learned at the 2011 Masters Colin Kopsky ’12

Staff Writer

3. Tiger is back…for now.

Tiger Woods was the biggest surprise for me this past week. Although he did not play that great on Saturday, we saw some classic Tiger on Sunday.

He was -5 for the day and ended up with a T5. In an interview after his round he said, “I played well today, I think that my

swing is starting to get back on track.”

He later said, “I’m going to go eat, I’m starving.” So, Tiger thought he has been playing better and that he is really hungry.

Look for him to start contending in most tournaments now, close to what he used to do.

2. Rory McIlroy will be #1 at some point in his career.

What we saw from him for the first 3 days at Augusta was incredible.

First, we saw a bogey-free 65. Then, we saw him only make 3 bogeys combined on Friday and Saturday. Unfortunately, things did not go so well on Sunday.

McIlroy shot an 80 and finished at -4 for the tournament and T15. After seeing his final-round 62 last year to win his first tournament, I knew McIlroy would be a great player. This kid has the talent and determination to be the best in the

world, so do not be surprised if you see him with the Green Jacket next year.

1. The U.S. is falling behind in golf.

In a sport once dominated by Americans, we are now falling behind to the international golfers. Currently, an American does not have a Major to defend. The last 4 Majors have been won by 2 South Africans, an Irishman, and a German. If the U.S. wants to reclaim its spot as the top golfing nation, there needs to be more American golfers than just Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson to contend every week. Look for players like young gun Rickie Fowler, fellow Oklahoma State Cowboy Hunter Mahan, and veteran Matt Kuchar to step up in the near future.

Also, congratulations to Charl Schwartzel on his first PGA Tour victory.

Entertainment

Friday, April 15, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 23

The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Easy

Sudoku Madness

Medium

Hard

Evil

Cryptogram

- Abraham Maslow

Friday, April 15, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 23

Entertainment The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Crossword Puzzle

12 Differences

Opinions The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Mitchell Van Bree ’13

I Hate the Radio

Opinion Writer

If you are anything like me, you have said “I hate the radio!” at least once in your life. For me, it is a daily practice.

I sit with one hand on the seek button and skip through all the stations (always seeming to be on commercial breaks) multiple times until a tolerable song comes on. Unfortunately, I have lost all hope in the local radio stations. I have listened to them all and have concluded that they all have major faults. I wish I could recommend a best station to you, but no station deserves this honor.

Instead, I will merely explain why every major (Keyword: major. Nobody listens to 88.1) station in the Lou sucks, and let you decide which is best.

Z107.7 The Z thinks it’s the c o o l e s t s t a t i o n around. It’s a station devoted to m o d e r n popular hits (and let me just add that all STL stations are m o n t h s behind the pop music curve). You probably already know the problem with this station. It’s a lot like Mr. Miller but with music: they play the same songs over and over and over again!

Look at the iTunes top ten from two months ago and then add in the top 3 songs from now. If you want to hear those songs and nothing but those songs, this is your station! Every now and then they’ll try to throw in a “good old classic,” but the song is not old enough to be nostalgic (it’ll be some song from like a year ago that was sort of popular), so you end up asking “why are they playing this?” Overall, Z107.7 is great at playing mind numbing pop hits till you can’t tell the difference between them anymore.

Friday, April 15, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 23

Y98.1 – This station wishes it were as cool as Z107.7 but knows it isn’t. They play pretty much the same stuff as “Z” but try to diversify by expanding their playlist a little bit. However, the non-billboard topping songs they play are hit-or-miss (usually a big miss). The other weird thing they’ll do is pick a less popular chart-topping song and play that repeatedly instead of picking a more popular one (they recently did this with “Animal” by Neon Trees). If you’re going to abuse a song, at least pick a really good one! Basically, Y98.1 tries to be a more diverse Z107.7 but fails to completely leave “Z’s” shadow. Also, the songs they use to try to diversify usually aren’t good.

105.7 The Point – Commercials with limited musical interruptions.

106.5 The Arch – This station claims to play all the “70s and 80s hits!” Here’s the problem: the 70s and 80s are completely different! “That was The Who! And now Devo!” That doesn’t work! Although they do play some pretty good songs from both eras, their lack of commercials actually hurts them because they basically end up playing terrible, cheesy 80s songs that you’ve never even heard of to fill the time.

104.1 - I don’t know the actual name of this station, I just know it as 104.1 (pronounced: One O Fo’ Point One). I am not in a very good position to bash this one because I don’t frequently listen to it.

However, from what I’ve heard, it plays all the new rap and R&B hits. However, they definitely have favorites (recently it’s been Lil Wayne).

From what I’ve gathered, it’s the Z-107.7 of rap: abuse the favorites then throw in random old songs.

Country Stations: I am putting all the country stations into a mass grouping

because the fault with these stations is the music they play. I am not saying country music is terrible.

“Country music” is not even “country” anymore!

It’s pop or rock with a violin and a singer with an accent.

Those things don’t automatically qualify the song to be country. That’d be like saying that a Sitar automatically makes rock music into Indian music. These stations are bad because they lie to you! I haven’t heard any Johnny Cash on those stations at all recently.

Fresh 102.5 – Delilah.

KSHE 95 (94.7) – The station that used to be huge has lost its thunder. It plays rock music but has too much variety.

“Rock” is too broad. Therefore, most people will only like a small percentage of the songs they play. They’ll play a classic rock song, then a death metal song. Most people will love one and hate the other.

In addition, KSHE plays a ton of songs nobody’s ever heard of.

K-Hits 96.3 – It claims to play “all the classic hits” but basically plays cheesy 80s songs and throws in a good one every now and then.

KLOU 103.3 - Same problem as K-Hits.

Gen-X 100.3 – At first you’re like “Sweet 90s songs from when I was a kid!” or “I used to love this song!” but you eventually realize that the good ones are far and few between. They have some serious favorites (especially Tone-Loc) and like to play them all too often. Plus they throw in extra bad 80s songs as a bonus! Basically you’ll find a good one every now and then but you’ll mostly hear songs you’ve never heard in your life (and there’s a reason: they are terrible songs and have never gotten any serious airtime, even in the 90s).

This is solely my factual opinion on these stations. Take it for what it’s worth.

Friday, April 15, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 23 Jack O’Brien ’12

Content Editor

On one of the most serious notes this paper has seen in quite a while, a horrifying and potentially historic story is developing in New York, specifically along the coast of Long Island. Last December, a search started when Shannan Gilbert, a 24-year-old woman from New Jersey, went missing. This search resulted in the discovery of 4 female bodies all tossed into a ditch on the side of the road. These women were, for lack of a more appropriate term, ladies of the evening (if you don't catch my drift, look it up). While their choice of lifestyle is not exactly condonable, their fates are nothing less than absolute tragedies. Ms. Gilbert was not identified among these bodies. This is the final description of her known whereabouts: Ms. Gilbert had been visiting a seaside home in the Oak Beach area in the early morning hours of May 1. Gus Coletti, 76,

Social Commentary The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Serial Killer in NY was one of the last people to see her alive. He was at home, shaving, shortly before 5 a.m.

"I hear somebody screaming and bang-bang on the door," he said. "I opened the door, and she stood right there. I said, 'What's the matter?' And she kept saying 'Help me.'”

When he dialed 911, she ran. "She took off, and that was the last I saw her," he said.

Since December, 4 other sets of remains have been discovered within a small radius of the first discovery, all next to a road that runs along the beach-line.

Though it is not certain any of these cases are connected, Long Island and New York State police are fairly certain all the bodies are the work of a singular killer. The latest report of this case, on April 6, announced the findings of 3 new sets of bones (making the previous total

of 5 go to 8). Though this story sounds like a cool mystery out of a detective show such as Criminal Minds or. CSI, these findings are not from T.V; they are very horrifically real. “The reality”, police said, “is that there are probably numerous bodies still undiscovered out here, that we may never find. Still, we will continue our probe of these areas and try to turn up as much evidence as possible.” On a more hopeful note, Shannan Gilbert's mother remains hopeful. ""If it wasn't for my daughter, these bodies never would have been found," she said. "Everyone has their destiny, maybe this was hers. I'm still hoping she comes home." So, especially in this time of Lent, please extend your prayers to all these families suffering this cruel injustice, especially to Mrs. Gilbert, that her daughter may come home.

Webster Groves Has Met Its Demise Carter Gage ’12

Beat Reporter

For those of you familiar with the Webster Groves area, you must know it's quite nice. It's a very quaint suburb, and there's always an ice cream shop open. It seems like the perfect place to settle down and raise your children. For those of you who still think that: You are wrong. Webster Groves has gone to the theoretical toilet. Once a place of prosperity where tiny children wandered the streets and set up lemonade stands free of charge, Webster

has become a dark, dark place. What used to be a beautiful place has met its downfall.

Still, I could have ignored all of this. I don't associate with many of the local students in Webster, but the new breed of Webster residents who moved in across the street ruined my home forever. They were simply cutting down the only tree in their yard, but, instead of cutting it down completely, they left the bottom 15 feet. Those 15 feet were

then carved into a Gargoyle. I repeat: a Gargoyle, and an ugly one at that.

Drugs may have made Webster Groves residents look like a bunch of delinquents, but at least we weren't ugly. Now my hick neighbors went and ruined it all for us. I grew up in a beautiful place, but now my home has been defiled. First the lack of lemonade, and now Gargoyles as lawn ornaments.

There is no stopping us now.

By Xavier Bick ’12

Sports

Friday, April 15, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 23

The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Varsity Baseball Competes in WCA Tournament Luke D Slabaugh ’12

Editor in Chief

Tuesday played host to the heroics of senior outfielder Brendan Mulqueeny, who blasted a two-run triple in the sixth inning against Whitfield.

Down 3-2 and after third baseman Brendan Thomas walked and freshman Dan Watson was hit by a pitch, Mulqueeny (affectionately called Slaps by his teammates) followed through in the clutch by launching a ball over the center fielder’s head to give the Rebels the lead. Marc Dunbar and Nick Thompson both followed with missiles to the Warrior infielders, who in turn mishandled them and allowed three more runs to cross the plate. Priory sealed the game with a 7-3 win, a deserved reward for workhorses Andy Schwartz and Joey Heitz, who continue to dazzle hitters with their respective repertoires of pitches.

On Wednesday, the Rebels did not see the same luck. The bats failed to come alive in a 7-0 loss to Lutheran St. Charles. The game saw a stellar performance by starting pitcher Jack Schwartz. A junior, Schwartz allowed only two runs through his first six innings, with those two coming i n t h e ve r y f i r s t i n n i n g .

Cougars starter Lucas Swindle went the distance for a complete game shutout. While not a deceptive pitcher by any means, the freshman hurler was around the plate the entire game, only allowing two walks late in the game. His

performance caught the aggressive Rebel hitters offguard, resulting in many pop ups.

The Orchard Farms Eagles provided decent competition on Thursday afternoon, but the Rebels were also up to the challenge, pulling out a 5-2 victory. The Rebels jumped out to an early lead when leadoff hitter David Nogalski ripped a double into left field and scored on two consecutive wild pitches. Kevin Ludwig delivered another masterpiece on the mound, allowing no runs through his first five innings. However, terror struck in the sixth when the Eagles strung together a walk, a couple of hits, and took advantage of a dropped fly ball in the outfield to knot it up at 2-2. The Rebels responded with a scorching top of the seventh: a mishandled sacrifice bunt laid down by junior Luke Slabaugh loaded the bases. A wild pitch, a perfectly executed hit-and-run

by Dan Watson and a sac fly by Brendan Thomas sent three runs across the plate.

Hopefully, the rain will avoid the Rebels’ final match for the tournament. After Friday, the Rebels (4-6) have 13 more regular season games.

If they can create a consistent offense to compliment their top-notch pitching staff and its ameliorating defense, the Rebels will be a lethal threat in the eyes of the ABC League.

Junior Varsity Baseball Update Daniel Stein ’14

Sports Writer

The beginning of the season for Junior Varsity baseball has been filled with trials and tribulations, to say the least.

Wins have not been coming by easily for the Jr. Rebels, who have recorded only one win to date. However, the first few weeks of this term have been filled with positive points as well, which suggest the squad shows promise for the future. The season began with a game against Ladue, when, despite a solid effort from starting pitcher Mitch Van Bree, the offense and defense failed to back him up.

Later that week, Charlie Lohmann threw a no hitter, but the Jr. Rebels fell to Duschene by a score of 1-0.

Three games later, the squad jumped out of the loss column with a tie against MICDS. That performance was topped earlier this week, when Drew Callahan provided a two-RBI clutch hit that would lift the team to an extra-inning win over Whitfield.

Other than Lohmann's no-no against Duschene, highlights of the early season include Tristan Hellmuth’s 3-run home run, which he effortlessly dropped just over the 315 foot sign at Whitfield. Brian Vaporean revealed his true grit and passion for the game when he lowered his shoulder and fell on top of the MICDS catcher

in a close play at home plate.

He was thrown out of the game, and his cheer-leading abilities proved to be key in energizing the team to their victory. Peter Cogan has played stellar defense at shortstop, and looks to continue his dominance eating up grounders.

Captains Chris Pilcher, Brian Vaporean, and (at times) freshman Michael Herman do their best to keep the club focused. Herman seems especially gifted in this aspect of the game, but sometimes finds himself too busy talking to umpires and throwing runners out, mostly at the same time. Spencer Wright (aka Mariano Rivera) has been keeping his arm fresh this season, itching for a chance to show his gas in late inning relief. Most importantly, Coaches Oberle and Griesbauer are showing the kids the ropes to play the game of baseball. After throwing hundreds of wiffle balls in the Corley Gym and hitting ground ball after ground ball, improvement is o b vi o u s l y s h o w i n g . A n d maybe, just maybe, one day someone might catch one of Dr. G’s ground balls, which regularly soar 30 feet off the ground. Look for the club to progress even more next week, with home games against Whitfield on Monday, John Burroughs on Wednesday, and Lutheran South on Thursday.

Satire

Friday, April 15, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 23

The Record - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis

Lorem Ipsum Zach Weiss ’11

Grinds My Gears Jacob Martin ’11

Staff Writer

Staff Writer

I would like to congratulate my vast readership on almost making it through another Lent season. I know some of you, in your absentmindedness, probably went to the butcher and bought his finest piece of meat, marinated it, seasoned it, and finally grilled it, but did not realize it was a Friday until that last succulent piece of Filet Mignon was slipping away down (or in a friend’s case, getting stuck in) your sinful gullet. But fear not, dear reader, you still have two more Fridays to redeem yourself, and it’s as easy as a trip to your n e a r e s t Hardee’s.

Far superior to the Filet O’Fish or whatever McFish knockoff Burger King serves up, Hardee’s offers a large and delicious meal referred to only as “Fish n’ Chips.”

Like everything Hardee’s does, this thing is huge, and will easily fill up anyone who has been fasting and is interested in eating their only full meal of the day. I also lied about the delicious part. Hardee’s Fish n’ Chips is really just edible, but still more so than the McFish and its counterparts. At its low, low price it is easily the best Lenten selection on any fast food menu.

At this point some of you may be asking, “O wise and beneficent Z.W.R. Weiss, what about Taco Bell and Five Guys? Sure, the Hardee’s Fish n’ Chips are the bee’s knees, but Taco Bell Shrimp Tacos are delicious, and I have heard that Five Guys has an excellent veggie burger!”

True as those things may be, dear reader, let’s take a look at the facts. None of the items on Taco Bell’s menu have meat in them, this is a fact that has been proven by lawyers, who, I should mention, are 2.5 times as

reliable as scientists. That being said, I really don’t feel like eating whatever it is that Australian guy who runs Taco Bell claims to be shrimp (synthetic dingo?).

Also, Five Guys is expensive.

Really expensive. A good meal there could cost you well over $10. So that being said, eat Fish n’ Chips.

Oh, and talk to me if you want to take over writing a similar op-ed series next year.

Gentlemen, I am back, and this time I am literally covered in vomit. Not your standard, run-ofthe-mill vomit, either. Rage vomit.

The hippies are at it again, but this time in a different way. They've not spouted off nonsense about not eating things that used to be adorable (I find the filet is more mignon when it's been thoroughly killed anyway), but instead the modern, wealthy hippie has given its pet the rights of man. You know, gentlemen, what really grinds my gears? You may have fallen out of practice in giving the answer to this question as I have not found the need to ask it for several weeks, but today I say to you this: schnauzers. The only dog that actually grows a plaid sweater-vest instead of fur, the schnauzer is the most wretched mistake of breeding in the history of mankind. No one has ever met a schnauzer they didn't hate, but most people are simply too polite to admit that. No more shall that be problematic, for I find myself willing, even eager, to take the stand against these veritable wounds on the body of what we call dogs.

What prompted my vomitinducing anger is the following incident. There is a woman who is audacious enough to live on my street, and I am excessively disappointed to have the burden of calling her my neighbor. How does she usurp the resources of my land, you ask? She allows her schnauzers to conduct business upon it. Every forty minutes, the schnauzers of war drag her the half block down the street to my yard, and every forty minutes they loiter there for yet another forty minutes while my own dogs, dogs who aren't the worst abomination man has put upon this earth (including nuclear weapons, pollutants, and the music enjoyed by

today's teens), bark with their respectable dog voices, and rightfully so, at these horrid little plaidencrusted rats in leashes and I am left simply praying for a large bird to come along and take one out of my sight forever. The important part of this is that this monumentally ignorant woman is literally being dragged by a pair of schnauzers. The upper-body strength of the fairer sex

may not be quite equal to our own, dear readers, but no one, not even the blinded and shorn husk of Samson's former glory, can be overpowered by two schnauzers. As I pray in vain for a falcon to swoop upon this most wretched foe of mine, I cannot help but to allow my anger to spray forth from my mouth, all over my neighbor, in the form of vomit and hate-speak. Perhaps she doesn't understand. Perhaps in her world it is considered polite to vomit on someone while screaming obscenities in an incomprehensible language. Alas, I shall never know.

And that, gentlemen, is what grinds my gears.

Friday, April 15, 2011 Volume 41, Issue 23

The Record Weekly The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School

Queens of the Stone Age played a live set at The Pageant on Tuesday, April 5. It was the first time the hard rock band had visited St. Louis since its Lollapalooza sideshow in 2006, and first small venue date since its show at Vintage Vinyl in 2000. It was a miraculous 17-song gig. Full review to come next week!

- Luke D Slabaugh and Joseph O’Sullivan

© Jack Ciapciak

THE RECORD - The Official Student Publication of the Saint Louis Priory School 500 S. Mason Road, Creve Coeur, MO 63141 314.434.3690 ext. 221 theprioryrecord@gmail.com Editor in Chief: Luke D. Slabaugh, ’12 Layout Editor: Trevor Jin, ’12 Content Editor: Jack O’Brien, ’12 Moderator: Matthew L. Barrett