vol. XlII, ISSue 16

Record Weekly Survey It’s time to voice your opinion about what the school really thinks.

Pages 2 and 3

The Record

Vol. XLII, Issue 16 3/16/12

The Official Student Newspaper of Saint Louis Priory School

Lax Commences Inaugural Season

By Brandon Tajkarimi

The birds are chirping and the lax bros are coming out of hibronation. It is spring season at Priory, and what else to get excited about than lacrosse, the game of speed, power, and – most importantly – stick skills.

The team has been working the wall and working hard at practices. The coaching staff is completely stacked, with the likes of Coach Combs, Coach Finan, Dr. Paletta and Dr. Ricci leading the team. The team as a whole is young, with many new beginners and some experienced players. As a JV team with only 2 sophomores, the freshman will lead the team and lead the program off to a good start. There are 3 captains, Cory Dubray, John Agnew and George Paletta. The schedule is tough, featuring established lacrosse powerhouses like CBC, MICDS,

Staff Writer

DeSmet, and SLUH. Priory is working hard and is looking one day to make its name as a St. Louis lacrosse powerhouse. The season kicks off against Lindbergh on March 20th.

The new spring sport brings questions to the student body. How good is the team go-

ing to be? What’s lacrosse? What is fluff?

A spoon? A wand?? To answer your questions: the team looks great through its first practices, and is a hard working team that is just going to get better. Lacrosse apparently originated as a Native American sport, and thus has a lot of history. In its early history the teams were massive, reaching from 100-1,000 members on a team from different villages.

It has become Canada’s national sport since.

“Fluff ” is a term used for the stringing of a lacrosse head including the mesh, sidewall, and shooting strings.

“Spoon” and “wand” are other nicknames one uses to refer to a lacrosse stick. I hope now that the school is informed on this new sport, they will give it a chance and show up to a few games.

Shout-out to Mrs. Hall, I know she will be there!

feaTuRe

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The RecoRd STaff

Student Polling

By Jack Mueller

T h e p R I o Ry R e c o R d @ G M a I l . c o M

edIToR In chIef luke d SlaBauGh

layouT edIToR TRevoR JIn

conTenT edIToR caRTeR GaGe The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by student editors/ staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and

Staff Writer

I would like to welcome you to the brand new student polling section of The Record. Data from previous weeks will be published here with the relevant statistics and interpretation.

Please mark your answers and place under The Record’s door (in the commons).

1.

Who’s the Better Houser? Ed or John.

8th Grader Can Dunk

By Andrew Stange

graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Pr iory community, including students, faculty, and alumni.

The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to:

libel,

copyright

in-

fringement, or unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student edi tors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit.

Letters to the Editors are

always

appreciated.

Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

phone throughout the school day a.

X period, Mornings, Study Halls (acceptable times to have your phone) b.

Outside of acceptable times (aka class) For further feedback, theprioryrecord@ gmail.com accepts all forms of feedback, both intended 3.

What amount of and unintended for publitime do you spend on your cation.

2.

Best lunch at Priory (of these options)? a.

Saskatchewan Meatballs b.

Chicken Patty c.

Chicken Nugget d.

Tacos e.

Spicy chicken wrap f.

Gyro g.

Nacho bar

Ronald Smith, an 8th grader here at Priory, is dominating basketball early in his prep school career.

He was seen to have dunked on a regulation sized hoop during warmups before a game. He is 6 feet tall, and 155 pounds, with a 36 inch vertical jump.

He has been playing basketball ever since he was 3 years old, and has always dominated the opposing team.

The 8th grade basketball team was 7-3 this past winter, with two losses to Chaminade and one to Westminster. In the loss to Westminster, Ronald had a fantastic game. He scored an incredible 26 points in the tough 41-36 loss. This

Staff Writer

game was Ronald’s high for this season, as well as his career high.

We went to talk to Nick Monette, another key player on the team and a teammate of Ronald’s.

When asked what it is like to play with Ronald, Nick

replied “It is really fun.”

We asked Ronald what he does he do to prepare for a game, and he said that he has no specific routine. He just calmly listens to music with his Orange Beats before he “obliterates” the opposing team.

We also asked Ronald what was going through his head when he went to throw down, and he modestly said “to score the ball.”

Ronald will hopefully stay at Priory to continue his athletic success and his academic prowess, and only time will tell if he will contribute to Varsity wins.

Editorial

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Lunch Survey

By Jarret Lowell Staff Writer

Lunchtime, my favorite time of the day. I burst through the door by the library and began my sprint up to the cafeteria. Rushing past the monastery, I flew up the stairs, two at a time. I weaved in and out of people until at last I found myself on the threshold of the cafeteria. I climbed the last few stairs.

But as soon as I arrived, the unique aroma of vegetable fried rice filled my nostrils. I hurried to fight over the last pieces of bread at the bagel station.

We are all about the food at Priory. I don’t know about you, but lunch is my favorite time of the day. I

have enjoyed eating in Priory’s cafeteria since the first day of seventh grade, always sprinting over to the lunch room to be first in line. However, particularly in this past year, I have noticed that on days when I’m not particularly fond of the lunch, many others seem to be in agreement. We flock around the sandwich bar and the bagel station in a sizable crowed instead of heading to the hot lunch line.

If you agree with me or have noticed something similar, I’d like to hear from you. Below, I have developed a survey of the hot lunch for the whole

month of March. For each hot lunch, you may give it one of these three ratings: Yes (meaning “Yes, I go up to get this hot lunch readily”), Maybe (meaning “I’m O.K with this hot lunch, or indifferent), and No (meaning “I don’t like this lunch, and I don’t eat it”).

When you complete the survey, sign your name and deposit this sheet under The Record’s door (in the commons).

I’m already hungry just writing this. Please complete this survey and tell your friends to do it, too. With your help, we could make our favorite time of day even better.

Spaghetti with Meat Sauce Yes Maybe No Vegetable Fried Rice + Egg Roll Yes Maybe No Chicken Marsala Yes Maybe No Corn Dogs + Mac and Cheese Yes Maybe No Chef ’s Special Meatballs Yes Maybe No Chicken and Dumplings Yes Maybe No

Tomato Soup or Cream of Broccoli Yes Maybe No Macho Nacho Bar Yes Maybe No Chicken Fiesta Yes Maybe No Breaded Chicken Patty Yes Maybe No Salisbury Steak Yes Maybe No Fish Sandwich + Mac and Cheese Yes Maybe No

Chicken Fried Steak Yes Maybe No Meatball Sub Sandwich Yes Maybe No Homemade Beef Stew Yes Maybe No Sloppy Joe Yes Maybe No Cheese Ravioli Yes Maybe No Italian Sausage!

Yes Maybe No

One week before the end of the second term, TEAMS (Tests of Engineering Aptitude, Math and Science) held their annual competition.

As is customary, Priory fielded three teams. The sophomores comprised one team, featuring Danny Martin, Daniel Stein, Tony Lee, Andrew Cammon, Charlie Rapp, Andrew O’Sullivan, Antonio Petralia, and Tim Avery. This team competed in the 9th grade and 10th grade division. The other two Priory teams competed in the 11th

By Andrew Cammon

sophomores placed first in their division and had the highest overall score in the 9th grade/10th grade section. Charlie Rapp described the team’s performance as “unequivocal annihilation.”

In the 11th grade/12th grade section, the senior team placed first in their division. They beat the junior team, who placed second, by only a couple of points. TEAMS will add these earned trophies to Priory’s ever-growing collection of TEAMS accolades.

Priory Wins TEAMS Trophies Staff Writer

grade/12th grade division. Alex Noddings, Alex Towler, Steve Hanley, Dave Sescleifer, Andrew Fogerty, Connor Behnen, Nehal Patel, and Sam Taylor made up the team of juniors. Joey Pasque, Seve Esparago, James Capps, Luke O’Dowd, Charlie Moore, Spencer King, Trevor Jin, and John Szatkowski made up the senior team.

All of Priory’s teams placed very well at the competition. The

4

Editorial Kony 2012 Not What It Seems

As I’m sure all of you (at least those of you who have not been having an extended stay under a rock) know, a charity called Invisible Children has recently raised quite a deal of ruckus about a certain Ugandan man named Joseph Kony.

The charity group harnessed their Macbook-wielding skill in order to produce a so-called “viral video” exposing to the world what a bad man this Joseph Kony is.

And certainly, a bad man he is, or at least was, at full strength.

Since 1988, Kony’s Lords’ Resistance Army has murdered thousands of people, and reportedly has abducted children with the intent of using them as soldiers. Heinous crimes, I’m sure we can all agree. So what exactly is wrong with an organization raising awareness to bring this man to justice? Surely this is just harmless activism, right?

Unfortunately, my friends, the world does not work like that.

“Humanitarian aid” cannot exist in a vacuum. Even the purest of charities has its motivations, and even the best-intentioned of interventions will have consequences. In the case of Invisible Children, these motives and consequences clearly render the charity unsupportable by a conscientious individual. Firstly, Kony is no longer in Uganda. He’s hardly even a threat to Ugandans at this point. As Dr. Beatrice Mpora, a volunteer doctor in Uganda, said: “There has not been a single soul from the LRA here since 2006,” (Joseph Kony 2012: growing outrage in Uganda over film, The Telegraph,

By Robert McAullife Contributor

08-03-12). His army has dwindled to only 300 members (from its 3,000man strength as recent as 2007), and operates almost exclusively in the Democratic Republic of Congo, after fleeing Uganda due to low support.

However, the Invisible Children organization is oddly insistent on Uganda as its specific focus. One of Invisible Children’s main backers, JP Morgan, is also interested in Uganda, but for a different reason: Uganda’s natural mineral wealth, as well as various agricultural financing operations. Now, this could easily be a coincidence, but raising interest in Uganda would most definitely make these ventures easier and more profitable. This campaign has resulted in a large financial gain for Invisible Children who, by their own admission, only put 30% of their income towards aiding Uganda (you know those Macbooks aren’t free!). Even though Kony in Uganda is literally a non-threat, Invisible Children is making a great deal of money for their organization off of Kony 2012 donations, and their financial backers are profiting, too. Everybody wins, except, of course, the Ugandan people.

The Invisible Children organization directly supports military intervention in Uganda, and was largely an influencer in President Obama’s decision to send 100 combat troops into Uganda to work with the government (which itself has been accused of rape and murder) in finding Kony. The organization is pushing for even more intervention from the United States. Again, this may sound like a good idea – an American strike team coming in to take down Kony. However, the last time this happened (US-backed Operation Lightning Thunder in 2009), it failed completely, and in fact ended in the LRA murdering 1,000 innocent civilians in revenge.

What has been described as simply “humanitarian aid” can have, has had, and will have deadly consequences. Even if this were not true, American intervention (a nicer term for what used to be called “imperialism”) into Africa has only ever resulted in troops remaining in the country, opening up doors for predatory financiers to swoop in and exploit the native population, and propping up corrupt governments.

The era of the “White Man’s Burden” is over. Africa does not need America to solve its problems, and Africa, by nearly all accounts, does not want America to solve its problems. I will leave you with this account of a Ugandan village for which Invisible Children hosted a showing of its “viral video”: the villagers threw rocks at the screen and left the area in protest. America has no right to tell Africa how to solve its own problems.

Puzzles

ACROSS 1. Breakfast or supper 5. Fertile areas in deserts 10. Short sprint 14. Dwarf buffalo 15. Expenditure 16. Brainstorm 17. Cantankerous old person 19. Affirm 20. Paintings 21. Dozed 22. Impale 23. Climatic conditions 25. Small islands 27. Not no 28. Suck in (air)

Crossword Puzzle

31. To scour 34. Outfit 35. Tavern 36. Italian resort 37. Start 38. Countertenor 39. French for “Summer” 40. Carbonated water containing quinine 41. Lock of hair 42. False teeth 44. Write quickly 45. A fleshy underground root 46. Show devotion to 50. Steeple 52. Accumulate

54. French for “Friend” 55. Agreement 56. Loud 58. A Freudian stage 59. Inn 60. Encourage 61. Expunge 62. Delete 63. Visual organs

5

Sudoku Difficulty -Deceptive

DOWN 1. Colorful parrot 2. Habituate 3. Heart artery 4. Escape 5. Lots 6. Plumber’s snake 7. Stair 8. Swellheaded 9. Male offspring 10. This is worn by a baby 11. Wise 12. Search 13. Rabbit 18. Wedding helper 22. Slide 24. Apprentice

26. Twirled 28. Patronage 29. Makes lace 30. Greek god of love 31. Sleigh 32. Toy with a tail 33. Indistinguishable 34. Dynamo 37. Drill 38. Products of human creativity 40. Hose 41. Trunk 43. Terrapin or tortoise 44. Elbowing

Cryptogram

- Rick Santorum

46. Declines 47. Hirsute 48. Picture 49. Yearns 50. First World War plane 51. Sheet of glass 53. Prefix meaning “After” or “Beyond” 56. Third person pronoun female 57. French for “Street”

Editorial

6 Letter To Meat and The Heat Dear Meat and The Heat,

We have a problem. A good friend of ours, previously known for having numerous lady friends, has been bound by the chains of a relationship. This new lady friend, whose name will go unmentioned, has been of significant influence to our friend as of late. We are deeply concerned

for our friend’s health and safety, due to previous injuries that the lady has been responsible for. He is spending all of his time with this new lady friend, which is leading to a slack in his golf game and social life. It should also be mentioned that the new lady friend was responsible for the loss of “flow” that had taken over

Heat here. “Extremely distraught” would be the exact words I would use to describe you in your predicament.

There is absolutely nothing worse than losing a brother to one of those creatures that tromp around wearing short skirts and smelling nice and all. However, you’ve got to give your boy some space; your compadres may say “bros before [girls]” but we all know that isn’t the truth. Bros are great, but they just can’t offer your the same things in a relationship that a good chica can, unless you’re playing for both teams (if you catch my drift). Let’s be honest here, we go to school five days a week from 8-5 with our bros, we eat with our bros, we share work with our bros, and we even shower with our bros. That’s plenty of bros for me. If I was you, I’d let your buddy run free and spend those extra hours with his girl. He’ll learn to manage his woman and his golf game. And I bet his “flow” really needed that cut. Sometimes you’ve got to let a bro go off on his own.

Unless, of course, his girl has a really attractive sister or mother you’re trying to swoon. Then you have to grin, bear it, and struggle through your bro’s atrocious relationship. Hopefully, you’ll get lucky and seduce this fine female of your choice.

In conclusion, don’t give up on a bro who’s focusing too much on his girl. It’ll be worth it in the end. Heat out.

a half year of sweat and dedication to grow, as well as a recent grounding inflicted upon our friend. This behavior is getting outrageous, and with the school year coming to a close and his man-card at stake, we can only ask “What should we do?”

Concerned and Extremely Distraught

Dear Kid,

You need to remind your friend about the Bro Code, the unwritten laws that bros must follow. Rule One: “Bros before girls.” Clearing your friend needs to be reacquainted with this rule. Rule Two: “Refer to Rule One.” Your friend needs to tell his “lady friend” to take a seat on the bench while he hangs with his friends. While you continue to support his interest in a single girl, sadly, you must make sure he doesn’t lose his masculinity. Watch out for signs like caring about his complexion at school, eating tiny lunches to maintain his figure, and not including himself in sports conversations.

If these things become an issue, the girl is a bigger problem than we thought. But don’t worry. During this time of year he should stay true to his manly roots, because nothing is worse than watching basketball with a girl. Remember: Bros before girls.

Meat