Vol. Xlii, issuE 17

sENior stuCo ElECtEd The Senior Student Council members for the 20122013 school year have been decided.

Back Page

THE RECORD

Vol. Xlii, issuE 17 3/23/12

tHE oFFiCial studENt NEwsPaPEr oF saiNt louis PriorY sCHool

And Field Day Is...

By Trevor Jin Layout Editor

As the tired Priory student body shuffled into the theater, a great surprise awaited them: Field Day. After the usual general announcements, Vice President Ted Tooley approached the crowd with a beaming grin, “It’s now time for what you’ve all been waiting for. Field Day. You know that we here at STUCO like to do it big, so without further ado, the Field Day theme is…”

As the fiery image graced the Kevin Kline projector screen, the crowd broke out into raucous applause — Wolves vs. Helicopters. “I thought it was a fantastic idea to honor an age-old rivalry.

I’d give helicopters a slight edge.” said senior Carter Gage. The image featured an airborne wolf lunging at a retreating helicopter,

with cars and debris dispersing from the explosion.

When sophomore Jimmy Newell first saw the image, the only words that came to mind

were “Pure awesomeness.” However, Wolves vs. Helicopters was never meant to be. It was soon replaced by a Mario Party theme with Team Mario, Team Luigi, Team Donkey Kong, and Toad Squad. The crowd still cheered at the actual theme, but not with as much passion and desire as the chance of being a Wolf or a Helicopter.

The head of Team Luigi, Andrew Rhodes, has even expressed his sadness, “I have always imagined the end of the world coming in a giant clash between beast and machine, I would have liked to have seen this emulated in this year’s field day contest.”

Latin teacher Mr. Carroll had a heartfelt message for senior Student Council: “I was deeply hurt by your deception this morning. While I approve of the Mario theme, being as I am a child of the 80’s, nevertheless I had the highest hopes for Wolves vs. Helicopters (particularly given the glorious and epic image projected on the theater screen). It is my sincere hope that a future student council will adopt Wolves vs. Helicopters as its Field Day theme.”

FEaturE

2

tHE rECord staFF t H E P r i o rY r E C o r d @ G M a i l . C o M

Editor iN CHiEF luKE d slaBauGH

laYout Editor trEVor JiN

CoNtENt Editor CartEr GaGE The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by student editors/ staff members. Its purpose is threefold: to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Pr iory community, including students, faculty, and alumni.

The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to:

libel,

copyright

in-

fringement, or unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student edi tors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit.

Letters to the Editors are

always

appreciated.

Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

Investment Club is Expanding

By Jarret Lowell Staff Writer

At the beginning club sponsor, all the mem- term with sophomore John of the winter term, fifteen bers turned their initial, Paul Austin winning the Priory students joined an basic knowledge into an portfolio value competition. exciting new club with a lot understanding of the stock He had a gain of 100% in his of potential, the Investment market that can be applied portfolio, and he ended the Club. After a successful first to real life. term with $150,000). term, the club has now exThe Investment The Investment panded to twenty members Club meets in Room Club tries to mimic tradand contining on Wall ues to grow.

Street.

At T h e the beginInv e s t m e nt ning of the Club offers club period, a way for the InvestPriory stument Club dents to learn account is about investopened, and ing and the the club stock market members in a low-risk buy and sell and laid-back stock until environthe end of ment. At the Investment Club hard at work. Jared Holtmeyer | Record Weekly the period. same time, the There is also club teaches students about 301(the computer lab) dur- open discussion about news strategies and trading tech- ing A week. The first club around the U.S. stock marniques that can be applied meeting of each term is a kets. The club talks about to the real world. The mem- tutorial about the club and the current events around bers simulate trading on the how it works. The Invest- the world that affect the stock market and compete ment Club has a Google market, such as the debt for the highest portfolio e-mail account, and uses problems in Greece. Indivalue each term.

Google’s Finance app. Each vidual stocks are also disHere’s the good member creates their own cussed. news: you don’t have to portfolio in the account.

The club had its secknow anything about in- Everybody starts out with ond meeting of the term last vesting to be in the club. a simulated $75,000 and week, and is in the midst of At the club’s first meeting can invest in whatever stock another heated competiback in November, most they want, from any mar- tion. The Investment Club of the members knew very ket, U.S. or foreign. Whoev- is an exciting new club that little, if anything, about the er has the highest portfolio is just getting started. The stock market and investing value at the end of the term club members are looking in general. Under the guid- wins the competition. (The forward to another successance of Mr. Holtmeyer, the Investment Club ended last ful term.

Editorial

Article Apology

3

By Luke D Slabaugh Editor In Chief

We here on The Record’s editing staff deeply apologize for the inappropriate comments that were included and unedited in the letter to The Meat and The Heat last week.

As you may recall, The Heat did make reference to “playing for both teams” and “seducing” women, both of which are rude and unacceptable.

After being informed that multiple members of the school

community were offended by the content of the letter, we deeply regret having published such a letter raw and unedited. The author did not intend for his comments to be interpreted either as homophobic or misogynistic.

With us being a Catholic institution and all, such references in the letter were unwarranted and are taken seriously. Rest assured that no

one on the The Record’s staff has any malicious intentions or sentiments against people of different walks of life. We as a paper do not have any disdain for the structured family system, or women, for that matter.

I apologize for the lack of judgment both on behalf of the author and myself.

Thank you, and enjoy your Spring Break.

Ralph’s Rages

By Fr. Ralph Contributor

OBSERVATION 9 DR BERNARD NATHANSON on Ultrasound (March 2, 2000)

It was, in short, a window into the womb. We knew, as an article of faith, that there was an unborn baby in a pregnant woman’s womb but we’d never seen it, we’d never studied it, we had no data on it and as a result it was easy to deny that this was a person. But now we had technologies which showed us on a screen right in front of us what that baby looked like.

How it sucked its thumb, how it urinated, how it swallowed, how it slept, how it was dreaming, how many times a minute it would move. How it would move.

It showed us its breathing movements...everything.

Suddenly we began to accumulate data, scientific data, about

this unborn baby.

Measurements were made, observations. Tests were done.” “So...as material accumulated, data piled up, tests began to show that this person, this blob of cells, this creature in the womb, was a human being in another form, just as you once were infants.

If any of you look at your infant pictures when you were 3 months or 4 months old you’d say: “That was me? It doesn’t look like me.”

So you were also at one point, each one of you, a collection of cells, unrecognizable as a human being in the mother’s womb but, whether you looked like a human being or not you were a human being and a person growing, and organizing yourself and ordering yourself into what we now see before us as each other, maturing human beings.”

OBSERVATION 10 Bishop Ricken, August 2004

Bishop Ricken reflects… that abortion will one day be seen as the most important human rights issue of our time: “A dispassionate analysis of the phenomenon of legalized abortion may in retrospect show it to be the greatest human rights issue of our times.

Although this generation may be inured to the grim reality of abortion, it seems likely that once civilization has come to its senses, future generations will look back on our time as the most barbarous in history, not merely for our wars and terrorism, but especially for the antiseptic extermination of the most defenseless members of our society, the poorest of the poor, the most helpless of the helpless, simply because they have no voice.”

Puzzles

4 ACROSS 1. Thin disk of unleavened bread 6. Thin strip 10. Not hard 14. Licoricelike flavor 15. Spindle 16. End ___ 17. An Italian woman of rank 18. Location 19. A coniferous tree 20. Vacillation 22. Kiss lightly 23. Plaything

Crossword Puzzle

24. Previously 26. A lesser ape 30. Type of beer 32. Lazybones 33. Sweetheart 37. Notch 38. Submarine detector 39. Bright thought 40. Geological structural features 42. Declares 43. Wear away 44. Slender 45. Scatter 47. P 48. Throat-clear-

ing sound 49. Annoying 56. Windmill blade 57. Diva’s solo 58. Wrath 59. Weightlifters pump this 60. Focusing glass 61. Estimate 62. Fender blemish 63. Balcony section 64. Excrete

Sudoku Difficulty -Evil

DOWN 1. Dry riverbed 2. Nameless 3. Discover 4. Feudal worker 5. Atomic pile 6. Impudent 7. 62 in Roman numerals 8. Countertenor 9. Adolescent 10. Encouraging 11. Willow 12. Fight with swords 13. Journey

21. Charged particle 25. Bog 26. Essence 27. Doing nothing 28. Coalition 29. Improvement 30. Javelin 31. “Oh my!”

33. Cancel 34. False god 35. Colorful salamander 36. Leisure 38. Sphere of water crystals 41. Min-

Cryptogram

- Stephen Colbert

eral rock 42. Median 44. Behold 45. Portion 46. Mortise and _____ joint 47. Stage 48. Keen 50. Chocolate cookie 51. Bell sound 52. Cozy 53. Curved molding 54. Untidyness 55. At one time (archaic)

Puzzles

ACROSS 1. Dogfish 5. Small fatty European fish 10. Achy 14. Mats of grass 15. Rental agreement 16. Prune 17. An outline of a solid object 19. Chills and fever 20. Before, poetically 21. Stream 22. Tablet 23. Patio

Crossword Puzzle

25. Sea 27. Consumed food 28. Infallible 31. Stop 34. Rank 35. Menagerie 36. Whip 37. Hard to pin down 38. Quash 39. Clairvoyant’s gift 40. Basic belief 41. Acted presumptuously 42. Emotional sensitivity

44. Possesses 45. Leases 46. Sparrow hawk 50. Impudent girl 52. Synagogue scroll 54. French for “Friend” 55. Auspices 56. Destruction 58. Found in some lotions 59. Pee 60. Initial wager 61. Unit of force 62. Banana oil, e.g.

63. End ___

5

Sudoku Difficulty -Evil

DOWN 1. Something of value 2. Wavelike design 3. Lazybones 4. Residue from a fire 5. Floodgate 6. Annoy 7. Be worthy of 8. Space traveller 9. T 10. Anagram of “Rascal” 11. Union representative 12. Defeat decisively

13. Type of sword 18. Give a speech 22. Arid 24. Impetuous 26. Formally surrender 28. Prods 29. Memo 30. Well-behaved 31. Musical staff symbol 32. Leisure 33. A disparaging remark 34. Mobsters 37. Blow off steam 38. Widespread 40. Small

Cryptogram

- Stephen Colbert

41. Fish broth 43. Renter 44. Doctor 46. Danish monetary unit 47. Showers 48. Overact 49. A protective covering 50. A person who is in charge 51. Not pretty 53. Leave out 56. Fitting 57. Letter after sigma

News

6 Your 2012-2013 Senior STUCO Members

By Jack Mueller

My friends, the seniors will soon hand off their responsibility of this school to a new legacy of student council members. It is bittersweet seeing them leave, as they have done a tremendous job of leading this school by example. Thank you, seniors, for showing us what the ideal Priory senior STUCO should be.

Without further ado, I would like to introduce the school to our five members of the Council (whose offices are to be determined today): Ed Houser: Bass vocalist extraordinaire, he would be a Ralph Lauren Polo model, and general whiz kid, Ed brings a great sense of humor, a hard-working personality, and a smile and haircut of which the student body could never grow tired. Ed, congratulations, we are very excited to see what you can do this year.

Peter Cogan

Staff Writer

Andrew Fogarty: The nicerthan-even-your-grandmother guy, the 4th year returner, and the friend to any and all, Andrew brings the experience of previous years to smoothly execute all school events and concession duties with precision and accuracy.

He will never miss an opportunity to help out this school, which we know he loves. Congratulations Andrew on being elected for a fourth time and for your senior year, keep up the great work.

nouncement at school assemblies.

Peter Cogan: Peter never gets tired, freakishly never tired, is a tireless workhorse and fantastic idea man. Peter represents a colorful section of our class (think Dan Jacob and Thomas Burtonesque) and that can only mean one thing: the best ideas are probably gonna come from this guy. Peter is responsible and was a good pick out of the second and final round of voting. Peter, let’s John Vitale: The B-set hero, ever see what you got. curious about your last dinner and weekend itinerary, weight Jack Mueller: Know that I will room idol, and all around comic, do my best to lead by my actions John will embody the life of next and make next year the best ever. year’s student council: that is fun, I expect so much from this class dedicated, and light-spirited. and I know that it will reverberJohn, congratulations, your class ate into the underclassmen and and your school has great expec- junior school. tations for you next year. Expect We represent our school, our there to be a “Best of What You friends, our brothers. Laus tibi Had for Dinner Last Night” an- Domine.

Andrew Fogarty

Ed Houser

Jack Mueller

John Vitale