Volume XLIV - Issue 28

VOLUME XLIV ISSUE 28 MAY 2, 2014

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THE

RECORD

MOVIE S

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THE RECORD Review: The Amazing Spider Man 2 VOLUME XLIV ISSUE 28 MAY 2, 2014 Editor In Chief

Andrew Cammon ‘14

Layout Editor

Lucas McGartland ‘14

Content Editors

Michael Herman ‘14

William O’Brien ‘14

Eric Stange ‘14

Faculty Moderator

Ms. Layton

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Contact

theprioryrecord@gmail.com

314.434.3690 ext. 221

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The Record Disclaimer

The Record is the official student publication of Saint Louis Priory School in St. Louis, Missouri. It is produced by students/staff members. Its purpose is to inform students of events in the community; to encourage discussion of local, national, and international issues; and to serve as a training ground for budding journalists, photographers, and graphic designers. The Record accepts contributions from all members of the Priory community, including students, faculty, and alumni. The Record will not publish content considered legally unprotected speech, including but not limited to: libel, copyright infringement, unwarranted invasion of privacy, or material disruption of the educational process. Student editors apply professional standards to the production of the newspaper and are solely responsible for all content, both explicit and implicit. Letters to the Editors are always appreciated. Feedback not intended for publication is also welcome.

By Patrick Shanahan ’17 Staff Writer

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And with this movie, one of my favorite times of the year is now officially under way: summer movie season. While last year’s summer movie season was an absolute disaster, with big budget disappointments like “Iron Man 3,” “After Earth” and “The Lone Ranger,” this summer promises a bigger better lineup with the likes of “Godzilla,” “22 Jump Street”, “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” and “Guardians of the Galaxy.” And Sony’s SpiderMan sequel has the privilege of kicking it all off. Is this a better movie than the abysmal “Amazing Spider-Man”, or are we getting another “Spider-Man 3”?

I had major qualms with the original “Amazing SpiderMan” film. The multiple subplots that were never fully realized, a bland and unthreatening villain in the Lizard, and a generic origin story that felt way too similar to the original Sam Raimi film. The sequel, however, is a vast improvement on Marc Webb’s first attempt at a reboot, but ultimately can’t quite match up to Raimi’s first two films.

The first thing that “Amazing Spider-Man 2” does right is the action. Every web-sling, electric shock, punch and bullet looks (ahem) amazing in this film. Spider-Man moves way more organically than he has ever before, and the decision to shoot most of the film in broad daylight as opposed to the dreary night-time sequences in the original make it seem a lot more fun and comic-booky, not somber and dull. Spider-Man is, like in the comics and Raimi films, always there with a witty remark in response to whatever mess he gets himself into. And

the Electro fight near the end of the movie is pure CGI-awesomeness.

Another strong part of the film is the acting. Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone and Dane DeHaan each turn in great performances. Garfield is the best Spider-Man ever put on screen, and his chemistry between the always-excellent Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy is nothing short of brilliant. Marc Webb proved he could write an interesting love story with “(500) Days of Summer”, and he’s done it again here. Dane DeHaan revokes his old likeness from “Chronicle” in his turn as Harry Osborn. He’s tortured, creepy, and at times quite funny, and I can’t think of a better actor play this role than him. At least, until he becomes Green Goblin.

This is where the movie begins to collapse within itself.

For the third consecutive time, a Spider-Man movie lacks a truly interesting villain. Jamie Foxx as Electro is one of the hammiest things I have seen in a comic-book film to date, just as stupid as Jim Carrey’s Riddler from “Batman Forever.” He’s incompetent, useless and awkward for the first half of the film, and then just angry, trigger-happy and stupid for the second half. Max Dillon and Electro are completely different characters, and Foxx is left constantly flip-flopping between the two.

Paul Giamatti as the Rhino is nothing more than an extended cameo, and while he’s

there, he provides the worst overacting in a comic-book film I’ve seen since Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze (“stay cool, birdboy”). And while Harry Osborn himself is a cool villain for Spider-Man, the Green Goblin is ugly, cheesy and overall just pointless filler tacked on at the very last minute.

However, despite the lack of a really good villain here is forgivable due to resolved subplots left over from the first movie, an interesting dynamic between Garfield and Stone, brilliant action, and excellent pacing that never left a dull moment throughout the majority of the film. I was expecting to tear this movie to shreds but I wound up with was a pleasant surprise that I can recommend to both casual fans and fans of the source material alike. Just don’t go in expecting a penultimate comic-book movie experience. For that, see Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade in a French bathroom? Linoleum Blown-apart

R A N D OM

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! Heads Into Final Stretch Of Season Tennis

By Jarret Lowell Tennis Co-Captain

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The Priory Rebels Varsity tennis team is heading into the final stretch of the season. Yet, there is still a lot of tennis on the schedule. In less than two weeks, the district tournament will begin, but before the playoffs commence, four matches remain to be played. The Rebels will host three straight home matches, with Whitfield on Fri-

day, Principia on Monday, and Desmet on Wednesday. The Westminster match has been rescheduled for Friday, May 9, due to the torrential downpour this past Monday afternoon.

The Rebels’ 2014 record has fallen to 5 and 3 in the last week after two incredibly tough matches. The team lost in a 4-5 heartbreaker to CBC last Friday and was shut out on Wednesday by the defending state champion MICDS squad. However, the

players are not taking these losses to heart, as the outcome of the last two matches has not reflected their performance on the court. If anything, the Rebels are even more determined with the district tournament fast approaching, which will once again feature perennial powerhouses MICDS and Westminster. The players have hit the weight room for the past several days in a determined effort to prepare for a potential

rematch against MICDS. The new training routine, which consists of box jumping, bench pressing, and core exercises, improves stamina, footwork, and power. In addition to the weight training, the players have been taking part in numerous on-court drills, with a focus on terminal volleys and overheads in yesterday’s practice.

Stay tuned, it’s going to be a wild ride.

fond of saying “Urban IS History.” But what happens, one shudders to ask, when History itself falls ill? As Urban heaved himself from bed and onto shaking legs he became immediately aware of the severity of his overnight dissolution. His voice quavered as he recalled, “my throat was just hurting, my head was hurting, [I was] shivering and sweating…104 degree fever—pretty intense.”

Intense indeed—an apt descriptor for the effect that a concession to sickness would have on the Priory Scholar Bowl squad.

His fever-corrupted mind teetering on the edge of madness, Urban considered the unthinkable—dropping out of the Sectional Championship: “I was like, ‘should I go to school or miss Scholar Bowl?’”

Aside: A question like this forces one to reflect on the fragile contingency that structures our existence. The seemingly indiscriminate spasms of human agency open onto a infinite horizon of possible futures.

Chaos theorists and Eastern philosophers alike suggest that the flapping of the butterfly’s wings can begin a tiny causal ripple, the geometrically in-

creasing gravity of which will ultimately bend the very arc of civilization, culture and world history to its own contour. How then can the consequence of Urban’s question—a question that asks no less than the fate of History itself—possibly to be fathomed?

Returning to our story: In the 1997 NBA finals, Michael Jordan overcame a severe case of the flu to lead his Chicago Bulls to a narrow victory over the Utah Jazz on their way to a fifth NBA championship in seven years. This performance is generally regarded as the grittiest in the history of contemporary sport. Allow me, however, to suggest an amendment to this claim: Jordan’s was the grittiest performance. Urban’s performance at Scholar Bowl Sectionals, I shall argue, outdid even MJ’s “Flu Game” for two reasons: 1. Urban was way sicker than Jordan, and 2. while there is no metric sophisticated enough to accommodate a direct quantitative comparison, it is clear that Urban played better than Jordan. To wit, during the two-games-tonone sweep of St. James, Urban answered five questions: 1. Add

the even numbers 2-20 (A: 110), 2. The western border of what country runs through Mount Hermon (A: Syria), 3. A question I didn’t hear, the answer to which was Orion’s Belt (A: Orion’s Belt) and, 4.-5. Two questions I don’t altogether remember but imagine were pretty hard. When asked about the magnitude of his pain after the matches Urban matter-offact-ly reported, “If I allowed myself to feel the pain I would probably want to die. I can’t even feel my fingers right now” Recognizing that they had witnessed an event of historic magnitude, Urban’s teammates delivered the following reactions: Said team captain Charlie Rapp: “[Urban] is an inspiration; [his performance is] a true statement of the highest moral fiber.” Noted Danny Martin, somewhat tautologically: “There can only be one Urban.”

Andy Swyers, in the Zenlike style that is his trademark, remarked: “Urban is sufficient unto himself.” Congratulations to Urban and the other, less inspirational members of the state-tournament-bound Scholar Bowl squad!

Urban: Hero

By Timothy Bussen

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Two evenings before the most important competition of his celebrated Scholar Bowl career—the Class 3 Sectional championship that would pit his District 3 champion squad against District 4 champion, the powerful St. James High—Priory’s star ‘bowler, Urban Cornett, had a strange feeling.

Studying for the next day’s Statistics examination, Urban, a usually inexhaustible repository of historical trivia, was surprised by a wholly unfamiliar sensation: he was getting tired.

“I don’t know,” he recalled in a recent interview, shaking his head even at the memory, “I felt like I was ready to go to bed at 6:30.” Indeed, Urban’s worst fears were realized when he awoke the next morning; in sleep he had fallen into the icy grip of a disease that would threaten much more than his own body and mind. If Urban were to be incapacitated by this mysterious ailment, the soaring hopes of the theretofore dominant 2014 Priory Scholar Bowl team would be profoundly damaged.

His English classmates are

What do you do with sick chemists? Well, if you can't helium or curium, you have to barium.

PUZZLE S

4

Sudokus: Easy, Medium, and Hard

Crossword Puzzle ACROSS

1. Master of ceremonies

6. Dirty air

10. Tears

14. Reef material

15. "Where the heart is"

16. Modify

17. Lift

18. Again

19. Storm

20. Unseemly

22. Throat-clearing sound

23. Journey

24. Not down

26. Leer at

30. Beer

31. Roll of bills

32. Apothecary's weight

33. Small slender gull

35. Extreme happiness

39. Natural hollows in the cheek

41. Gist

43. Grave marker

44. Epic

46. Stigma

47. Is endebted to

49. Unruly crowd

50. Satisfy

51. Voice box

54. At the peak of

56. Astringent

57. Congressman, for example

63. Digestive juice

64. Aquatic plant

65. Chivalrous

66. Baking appliance

67. Tidy

68. Attempts

69. A musical pause

70. A hemispherical

roof

71. Beginning

34. Talk terms

36. Ancient Peruvian

37. Leave in a hurry

DOWN

38. Arid

1. Beige

40. A field of grass

2. Groan

42. Wooden shoe

3. Baby's bed

45. Filling material

4. Leisure

48. Make bigger

5. Choose by voting 51. Work hard

6. Without disgrace 52. Not dead

7. Nickname

53. Governs

8. Portent

55. Kind of bean

9. Trinket

58. Margarine

10. In spite of every- 59. Maize

thing

60. Nile bird

11. Potato state

61. Away from the 12. Heaps

wind

13. Originates in

62. Where a bird 21. Give a speech

lives 25. Taxis

26. Probabilities

27. Fortitude

28. Disabled

29. Having a job

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Priory Naps

How does one poet greet another? “Hey, haven't we metaphor?”

C O M ME NTA RY ! Silver. Speech.

Sterling.

By Deacon Tom Mulvihill ’80

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The recent flap over Donald Sterling (racist remarks, lifetime ban, $2.5 million fine) has a lot of people talking. Remarkably, it even had three Mulvihills (Tom: Priory Class of 1980, Brecht: Priory Class of 2008, and Patrick: Priory Class of 2010) ---none of whom could give a rat’s rear end about professional basketball---talking. Our e-mails on Tuesday went something like this.

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TOM: I find the lifetime banning of Sterling by the NBA to be as atrocious as were his comments. It's not that I don't think what he said was horrible. I do.

But I say: Let the free market system police its own. Let him lose sponsors, let his fans stay away, let him get so desperate that he has no other choice but to do precisely what the League did…and more. This is all about the League saving face and being forced to do the politically correct thing. Like it or not, Sterling had absolutely every right to say what he said.

I may think he is an ass for saying it (and, incidentally, I have the right to say so, in public or in private), but he hasn't broken any laws. It's protected free speech.

And…has anyone raised the issue of the violation of Sterling's privacy that took place? If he had said something fabulously wonderful about African-Americans ---or if he said exactly what he actually said about African-Americans -- why are we privy to it, when it was said in private? Let me be clear. I hope this guy crawls away in to a hole and rots. But I still believe that this is more evidence of the “nanny state,” only now it has leached into professional sports.

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PATRICK: I respectfully disagree. Why would you let an entire organization, its players, its coaching staff and its fans suffer because their owner happens to be a horrible person? I don’t think Blake Griffin, Chris Paul, JJ Redick, or any of their team members deserve to lose sponsors or suffer low attendance because of Sterling’s actions.

Just as I don’t believe that the Clippers fans should ostracize an organization and abandon their team because their owner is a racist jerk. I think that Silver and the NBA made the right decision, and it was an easy decision. They are trying to protect the organization just as much as they are trying to punish Sterling, who is set to make around a billion if he is forced to sell. But who cares. He was fined $2.5 million, the maximum amount the NBA can fine someone, which would be like fining the average American $55. He’s that loaded. They aren’t trying to hurt his wallet.

They just want to distance themselves, and I don’t think there was any other way to have done it. Good for Silver, the Clippers and the NBA.

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BRECHT: What is an NBA? Seriously though, I'm with Dad on this one. And not because I support the free market or unhindered capitalism or any of that (though I do), but simply because this was a private conversation that was illegally recorded and shared for no other reason than to hurt him. Obviously I understand the league wanting to remove themselves from angry old white racists, but what he has said in private shouldn't have any bearing on his public ownership of the team. I think a fine is understandable and hating him may

5 Junior School

be natural, but a lifetime ban is reactive rather than proactive.

But I honestly don't care enough about the NBA to vocalize this in any way. Plus then I'd be labeled a racist.

TOM: Thanks for your response, Patrick. You're an idiot. No… no…really. You're not. But I still feel the way I feel. The bleeding of sponsors and what not wouldn't have lasted long.

Not in today's climate.

He would have been run out on a rail in a matter of days. I don't think that the NBA has blood on their hands, and I am sure there is great logic to all the reasons they have given or will give. But you can't legislate common sense, decency or fairness. You just can't. You can try (and they have), but most of it is for show. Let's at least agree on that. And, as you point out, trying to “hurt” this guy (the vengeance angle) is like going up against a Sherman tank with a pea-shooter. Speaking of which, I feel compelled to share this wonderful quote which has nothing whatsoever to do with this argument, but will leave a smile on your face and end our discussion (for the moment) on a whim: “Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

PRIORY MIXER WHITE OUT

GET THE GLOW

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BRECHT: In the aftermath of the McCutcheon v FEC case, someone sent me this line: “Money in politics may at times seem repugnant to some, but so too does much of what the First Amendment vigorously protects.” It seems somewhat relevant here.

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How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.

MAY 2ND 7:00 - 9:30 TICKETS $10

OP IN I ON

6

A Call!! For Social Change

By George Paletta ‘15

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In today’s world things are forever speeding up, and we as a society are always concerned with getting the newest and the best. It never ends; we want more and more and more. As the famous Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop to look around once in a while you might miss something.”

As our lives move with constant distraction, entertainment, and ever-increasing speed, we are missing the constantly growing number of people in poverty. Pope Francis, in his call for social change, put it best when he said, “Men and women are sacrificed to the idols of profit and consumption: it is the 'culture of waste.' If a computer breaks it is a tragedy, but poverty, the needs and dramas of so many people end up

being considered normal. ...

When the stock market drops 10 points in some cities, it constitutes a tragedy. Someone who dies is not news, but lowering income by 10 points is a tragedy! In this way people are thrown aside as if they were trash.”

It is easy for us to unwittingly fall into the trap of worshiping money as the ultimate idol and lose sight of those who do not have the kind of money to get the newest iPhone or let alone put food on the table for those whom they need to feed.

Our propensity toward material goods risks the consumption of our very person because we can so easily forget what it means to be human. The need and distraction of the material world has replaced the care and compassion that we should have for our fellow man. It is all too normal to see homeless people,

starving children, and those with nothing hidden by the distance we place between us.

These people are Jesus, who reminds us, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”

In a school where we live in such privilege and excess it is our duty as young Christians to help the poor. “Poverty in the world is a scandal. In a world where there is so much wealth, so many resources to feed everyone, it is unfathomable that there are so many hungry children, that there are so many children without an education, so many poor persons. Poverty today is a cry,” said Pope Francis when meeting with students of Jesuit schools. It is our job, as young Christians who can spare to not only give money, but also give our time to those who need it most. We should

seek to put down the idols of society and success, and help those in need who have nothing.

Pope Francis is calling the youth to step up, and be the new wave of Christianity that does not just speak about doing as Jesus taught, but living as He lived. Go to Saint Augustine’s soup kitchen, volunteer at Aim High, do something active in the community so that people will know we are Christians not only in words, but also by our actions. It is this outward call that frees us from our drive for success to find the poor in the hallways of our school, in ourselves. Through the gift of our own poverty, in communion with the poor, we may find personal conversion and begin to enact social change more authentically.

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NBA Prospect: Ronald Thomas Carroll

By William O’Brien ’14 & Eric Stange ’14 Content Editors

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One of our own, Mr. Ronald Thomas Carroll, has made Priory history. He has recently become the first member of the Priory community to join the ranks of the NBA, after being drafted first overall in the supplemental draft Monday. Mr. Adam Silver would have been at Priory himself, but regretfully the Donald Sterling situation kept him busy.

RTC was a dual sport athlete in every sense of the word.

As a Tennessee Volunteer he both caught passes and chop blocked like no other brother for Peyton Manning. He also “went in” during his time on the hoop squad and Bruce Pearl is

quoted as saying: “R.T. is the best player I have ever coached.

If you told me he was from LBC like Dez Watson I would believe you. This guy can hang

but also likes to make it rain from behind the arc), but unfortunately during his drafty workouts, he tore both his ACL and MCL while coming down

with the toughest of them all.”

As you all know, Mr. Carroll was a projected mid-first round draft pick at the Point Center role (the big man who battles down low for rebounds

from blocking a shot from Shaq in a pickup game.

Carroll did not let this derail him though and maintained a brutal recovery schedule in order to be ready for this mo-

ment. The Detroit Pistons, whom Mr. Carroll loved as a child, drafted him in an attempt to return to their glory days of the past with the “Bad Boy” teams of the 80’s. These teams were known for their toughness and their rugged defense, as well their hard fouls that intimidated opponents. The Pistons missed the playoffs this year, but got a coup in signing R.T. “Many Threes” Carroll.

The “Beast from the Southeast” will provide instant offense, savvy passing, and rough and rugged defense for a team that was sorely lacking in these areas. Mr. Carroll will be sorely missed at Priory, but we can all see him on our TV’s in the coming year, lighting up the scoreboard for his boyhood team.

What did Beethoven and Mozart turn into when they died? De-composers.

MUSIC ! The Black Keys K Money:

By Austin Krueger ’14 Staff Writer

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This week I will conclude my ‘New Albums’ series by writing a preview for an album that has yet to be released. The Black Keys have garnered a pretty strong following at Priory and around the world. Their two most recent albums, Brothers and El Camino, are largely responsible for this fame. It has now been well over two years since El Camino’s 2011 release and the Keys have yet to release any new material. In fact, this is the longest they have gone without releasing new music since their 2002 debut The Big Come Up. But now the blues rock band from Akron is just a week and half away from a

dropping an album that many in the industry have been anticipating since last summer. Turn Blue, as the record shall be called, is set for release on May 13.

I have heard three tracks from the album, including the title track and the single Fever.

It sounds like the Keys will be delving back into their semipsychedelic blues roots, while still keeping some of the more modern features added by producer Danger Mouse. Fever has already received a fair amount of airplay, and Turn Blue will surely follow suit. Fever is a faster paced, up tempo song that is reminiscent of Danger Mouse’s work with El Camino.

Turn Blue slows things down a bit with Dan Auerbach’s signa-

7 East Coast Rap

ture falsetto and a downright catchy riff. The third track that I am lucky enough to have heard is call Bullet In The Brain. This song starts out kind of mellow but picks up quite a bit after an early guitar solo. All three songs exhibit a mix of The Black Keys’ rough-around-theedges blues rock and their more modern upbeat sound. The Black Keys got their start with extensive touring, and they have already planned a European tour for this summer and a North American tour that includes more than fifty stops.

These tour dates have yet to be announced, but when the do go on sale, don’t wait to buy tickets. The shows will sell out fast.

1 Sky's the Limit Notorious B.I.G.

2

Still Not A Player Big Pun

3 Juicy Notorious B.I.G.

4

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C.R.E.A.M. Wu-Tang Clan

5 Track Meet Brings Prospects To Priory

By Tom Mulvihill ’80 Dean of Admission

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It’s a Spring tradition that often takes place without the knowledge or participation of the vast majority of the folks here on campus, yet it has a great impact on our standing in the community and the awareness of Priory among prospective students.

On Friday, April 25th, while students, faculty and parents gathered in the Kevin Kline Theatre to celebrate Awards Day, a handful of students and staff hosted the annual “Priory Invitational,” a track meet for independent elementary school students here in Saint Louis. More specifically, the event drew about 300+ Fifth and Sixth Grade boys and girls f r o m A n d r e w s A c a d e m y, Chesterfield Day School, City Academy, Community School, New City School, Rohan

Woods School and Rossman School.

Under a bluebird sky, the competition began with the athletes participating in three field events: long jump, high jump and softball throw. The action then moved to the track, where the students rotated through a series of five races, from the 100-meter dash to a 1600-meter run. Coaches and faculty from the participating schools coordinated the events, handling the timing and recording for the heats.

In late morning, in the spirit of Benedictine hospitality, the Office of Admission provided a complimentary lunch to all the participants, as well as the coaches, faculty, parents and family members who came to watch. Our sincere thanks to our student crew for volunteering to cook and serve the lunch: Patrick O'Brien, Spencer Wright, Jeffrey Bebee, Brayton

Briggs, John Paul Austin, Jack Herr, Dan Watson.

Father Linus, who was able to stop by the meet following the Award Day festivities, said that there is no substitute for getting prospective students on campus for a morning of spirited competition. “This is a really great chance for students who may not know much about Priory to see what we have to offer in a friendly, no-pressure environment. I would love for us to expand on opportunities like this in the future.”

While a meet of this type has been taking place in Saint Louis for over three decades, it’s estimated that it has been hosted here at Priory for well over 20 years. In the past seven years, we have nearly tripled the size of the meet, extending the invitation to three additional schools and including Fifth Graders as well.

Put It On Big L

6Heart of the!

City JAY Z

7

N.Y. State of Mind Nas

8 Big Pimpin JAY Z

9 Mama Said Knock You Out LL Cool J

10

O.P.P. Naughty By Nature

How do you make water holy? You just take regular water and boil the hell out of it.

N E WS This is a Test & The Actor’s Nightmare

PRIORY SPRING ONE-ACTS

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TODAY & TOMORROW 7:00 pm TICKETS $10

Ramblings About Rugby

Calendar

By William O’Brien ‘14 Content Editor

Friday, May 2

Lunch: Lasagna

Tilapia

4:00PM V Tennis vs. Whitfield

6:00PM V Lacrosse @ Kirkwood

7:00PM Junior School Mixer

7:00PM Spring Play

7:30PM JV Lacrosse @ Kirkwood

Saturday, May 3

Rugby: State Championship @ Jeff City

Track: Clayton Invitational Prelims

7:00PM Spring Play

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For all of those who do not know me, I am essentially a full-time cheerleader for the Kwai Nyu rugby team. In my limited spare time I play on our second row as a lock. First off, on a slightly unrelated note, let me settle some outstanding beef. A particular French award winner in the senior class claims that the AP Biology class is more advanced than the AP Chemistry class, due to their seemingly further progress in number of chapters covered.

He failed to mention in his article, however, that AP Chemistry has actually completed 100% of their chapters. Since the AP Biology class cannot testify for the percentage of chapters they covered, we have assume it is definitely less than 100%. Maybe he could defend himself by writing another article in the next record issue. Oh wait…(http://en.wikipedia.org/ w i k i / L i s t _ o f _ b u r n _ c e n t e rs_in_the_United_States) Now back to serious business. I play an essential role for the rugby team. The team could not be as successful as we are without players like me. The cold metal could chill the gluteal muscles of our players potentially leading to a severe strain or tear, and in turn loss after crushing loss. I also take on the role as water boy from time to time, and, unlike my previous claim, I don’t think I have to convince you that hydration is vital for any sport.

But don’t fret; I, and my bench buddies have done our jobs well this year. That’s why I am able to tell you about our remarkable success. If you live under a rock, and haven’t heard, the Kwai Nyu rugby team is headed to state in the #1 seat of our league. Here’s an

overview of our season: vs.

Kirkwood 34–5 W, vs. CBC 42–7 W, vs. South Side 47–0 W, vs. SLUH 28–38 L, vs. Jeff City 24–10 W, vs. Parkway 32– 17 W. (Whaattt? I actually included a loss?? Yes, I know I am the first to do so ever, but in our defense, despite appearances, it was a very close game against a respectable team. Unfortunately for us, the Sir had it in for us from the start.)

For those who want to see some intense rugby victories, it is already guaranteed with our team. All you have to do is watch. If you’re on the edge about going, I will tell you this.

Our team chant, by itself, is worth driving an hour and a half for. So, if you want to see Princess Paul, Kevin “it’s the hair” Schilling, or Stephen “the bowling ball” Millsap score more hat-tricks and wreck faces, you will have three opportunities this weekend. Just come on out to Jeff City on Saturday May 3rd and Sunday May 4th where we will play and win three games, starting with a game against either CBC or Marquette. Our first game on Saturday will be at noon, and the second game will be at 5:00 pm. The game on Sunday depends on what we do on Saturday. They will be very quick pace games with only 22:00 minute halves. You are going to want to be there when we claim the trophy for first in state. I know last year we only came close to that title, but this year is different. I am on the team now, and my skills on the bench will make all the difference, as we have seen so far this season.

So support your rugby team and your school with some Rebel Pride. You know I will be doing just that from the sidelines. But, get permission first from your parents, especially if you’re

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Sunday, May 4

Rugby State Championship @ Jeff City

Track Clayton Invitational Finals

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Monday, May 5

AP Exams

Lunch: Phillys

Sweet n’ Sour Chicken

4:00PM V Tennis vs. Principia

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Tuesday, May 6

AP Exams

Lunch: Meat Loaf

Chicken Parmesan

9:00AM V Golf Districts @ Forest Park

4:15PM V Baseball @ Westminster

4:30PM Track: Father Paul Relays

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Wednesday, May 7

AP Exams

Lunch: Pork Loin

Nachos

3:30PM V Golf v. John Burroughs @ St. Albans

4:00PM V Tennis @ MICDS

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Thursday, May 8

AP Exams

Lunch: Turkey

Hot Dogs

3:40PM V Golf vs. Whitfield @ Quail Creek

4:15PM V Baseball @ Burroughs

7:00PM Spring Play

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Friday, May 9

AP Exams

Lunch: Shrimp Scampi

Samon

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4:00PM V Tennis v. Whitfield

How do you cut the Roman Empire in half? With a pair of Caesars.